Work Text:
Fear is the loudest, but deep down I know
I'd take the terror, than go it alone.
- Someone Was Listening by Dodie (2024)
There wasn’t much room inside of Bill and Ted’s kitchen, but they liked cooking together anyway. Well, Ted liked watching Bill cook and lending a hand whenever he needed it. Without fail, they always seemed to make a mess. Bumping into each other, using the wrong sized pots and dirtying up more dishes to clean, spilling random substances on each other. No matter what they made, it always turned their kitchen into a pigsty.
But they were doing it together, and that’s all that really mattered.
Today their best friends, Joanna and Elizabeth, invited them to the park for a picnic with a book club that they joined. Their fellow Wyld Stallyns bandmates happily accepted, especially when the princesses’ book club members asked that everyone bring a homemade dish for the occasion. The rock-and-roll couple wanted to bring their famous s’mores bars, something they learned how to make to celebrate their first night together in their new apartment.
Ted was even more excited about it because that meant they had the opportunity to show everyone just how incredible a chef his boyfriend was. As his lovely assistant—Bill liked to call him—he bounced from here to there, grabbing things for him with the upmost enthusiasm.
“You got the egg for me, my lovely assistant?” Bill called from over his shoulder as he stirred the mixture inside his large bowl.
“Yes, I do, Chef Bill!” Ted squeezed behind him to get to the fridge and grabbed one egg out of the blue carton. He handed it to him gently, smiling brightly.
“Thanks, dude!” Bill kissed him on the cheek before taking it.
Ted giggled and leaned back against the wall, tapping his fingers to the heavy metal blasting from the living room, and watched him crack the egg and add it to his beige concoction.
It was so much fun seeing everything come together the way it did, like magic. Even though he’d seen and helped him do it many times before, Ted still found himself dazed and mesmerized by the whole process.
“Okay, Ted. Candy time.” He smiled at him once he spread the dough across the baking dish with his hands.
“Yes, chef!” Ted saluted him before flipping around behind him.
He grabbed a stack of wrapped chocolate bars from the top of the microwave where they kept all their snacks. He looked around for their marshmallow fluff until he remembered it was on the top of their fridge. He stood on his tip toes and reached for it with his free hand. It was a little farther out from his reach than he thought, but it was no sweat. He had it under control.
Hearing Ted’s struggle, Bill glanced back at him with a furrowed brow.
“Careful, dove.”
Ted always liked it when his boyfriend called him that. Something he heard him mutter under his breath in his sleep; a combination of ‘love’ and ‘dude’ slipping from his slurred speech. He found it quite adorable, so it stuck.
“I got it.” He promised through strained vocals.
Bill wished he could help, but his hands were too sticky and mushy. If he went to get a chair, he could use his forearms to help grab the jar for him. But would Ted have already gotten it himself by the time he left the kitchen?
“Dude, you should put the chocolates down first so you can grab it with both hands.” He suggested.
“Do not worry, Bill, my chef. I almost...got it!”
The jar teetered at the edge of the fridge, tilting slightly too far forward.
Bill looked back and halted. That thing was going to hit his boyfriend in the head. He wouldn’t be able to catch it in time, not with one hand. And even though it was plastic, it was still three pounds, and it was going to hurt him.
“Look out!” He shouted over the music.
He didn’t care about his dirty hands anymore; all he cared about was Ted’s safety. He grabbed a fistful of the back of his yellow smiley-face T-shirt and yanked him back against the counter. The impact and shock of it made Ted drop all the chocolates on the floor just as the fluff toppled to the ground.
The top of the jar popped off once it fell, spilling a small puddle of white goo on the tile floor.
“Are you okay, dude?” Bill asked breathlessly.
Ted stood there motionless. His skin started to feel really hot. His heartbeat struck him painfully against his chest. The music seemed louder than before. Too loud. Way too loud.
He stared down at the mess. The mess he made, the mess he caused, the mess that cost them the chance to share their special dish with everyone.
He should’ve listened to Bill, shouldn’t have ignored his help. Now everything was ruined because of him. He wasted their food. Wasted their time. They’d have to cancel their plans. They’d have to stay home. The princesses and their new friends wouldn’t get to enjoy Bill’s delicious baking.
And it was all his fault. All his—
“Ted?”
He jumped and faced Bill, his voice coming out from over the thundering drums despite how softly he spoke. Though he didn’t look upset, Ted knew he was. He was mad at him. Why wouldn’t he be? He caused him a great deal of trouble. He always did.
“Ted, it’s—”
Ted ran. He didn’t want to get yelled at. The way his dad always did when he messed up. The way his teachers always did when he screwed around too much. He didn’t want to give Bill the chance because he couldn’t bear the thought of it.
Not Bill, anyone but Bill. Bill was his best friend, his lover, his rock, his safe space, his everything. Upsetting him, hurting him, making him raise his voice…He never imagined it, let alone it actually happening.
But he didn't, did he? But he wanted to, didn't he?
He ran to their room and lied in their bed, throwing the blankets over his body and head to shroud himself in darkness. He shut his eyes and covered his hands over his ears. It felt better under the warmth and silence. It quieted his mind and hid him away from the rest of the world. No one could find him under there.
Except…they could if they wanted to. Pull the blankets off him and call him names, or force him out of bed, or…Those thoughts made him push his hands harder against his ears. The pressure was soothing, the sound like a rushing wave blocking out everything else.
He curled himself into a tight ball, pulling his legs to his chest and burying his face low enough so that his knees touched his forehead. Making himself smaller and smaller until he disappeared.
No one needed him anyway. All he did was screw everything up. Even when he tried helping someone, someone he loved more than anything, he still found a way to ruin things for them.
He should be in the kitchen with Bill right now, apologizing for the mess he made and helping him clean it up. But the more he thought about it, the more it made his skin crawl, made his teeth hurt. It was better for him to be out of the way.
He lied still in silence for what felt like years, but was most likely several minutes. Although he wasn't sure if the radio was still on, a faint sound made its way through his pressed ears.
“…—ed?”
He muffled a hitch and somehow tried to make himself even smaller.
He didn’t want to be in trouble.
But he wanted to help out.
But he didn’t want to mess up again.
But he was so sorry.
But he wanted to be alone.
But he didn’t.
But he loved Bill.
But.
But..
But...
“Ted.” His voice was so soft.
It made him happy, made him weak.
A small gasp left Ted’s lips as he felt the mattress sink down at the edge.
“Are you...are you okay?”
Bill was met with silence.
"I’m not mad at you, dove.” Bill’s voice was closer now. “I want you to know that.”
"...”
"I just didn’t want you getting hurt.”
He slowly loosened the pressure over his ears but kept the rest of himself sealed tight. It was quiet in the apartment, all except for Bill's sweet voice.
“Not much of the fluff even spilled out. There’s plenty of it left for us to use.”
He…wasn’t in trouble? But he should be, right? His over-eagerness caused him to get ahead of himself. His dad always said bad things happened when he got too excited.
“I haven’t spread the candy over the dough yet. I wanted to wait and see if you still wanted to help me out.”
Ted’s eyes sprang open.
“It’s okay if you don’t. I just didn’t want you to miss out on your favorite part.”
Ted was hesitant to leave the blanket. Leave the comfort of the darkness to face what he had done. But he couldn’t stay there forever. He didn’t really want to either, not while everything he loved and cherished was out there.
He slowly untangled his legs and lowered his hands from his head. He bit the bottom of his lip, unable to find his voice just yet. Instead, he scooted himself closer to the sunken side of the bed. Closer and closer until he bumped into what he assumed was Bill’s back.
“Duder?” He whispered over his head.
Ted didn’t respond at first, curling his fingers together in front of his chest.
“Is it okay if I lift the sheets?”
A full minute went by.
“I won’t do it unless you say so.” He assured.
“…Mm.” He finally hummed.
Slowly, Bill peeled the covers from over his head, spotting Ted peeking at him from behind his soft bangs. He smiled brightly at him, that smile that showed his perfect pearly whites, a smile so beautiful.
“There you are.”
Ted knitted his eyebrows, loosening his grip on his lip and keeping his gaze low.
“Is it okay if I touch you?”
Ted nodded weakly.
His hand rummaged over his body on top of the blanket, gently stroking his side. Ted suppressed a squirm and a wiggle.
“Bill…”
“Yeah?”
“I’m…I’m so sorry.” His voice became smaller.
Luckily Bill was still able to hear him. “Why? You didn’t do anything.”
“Yes, I did...I made a mess.”
“I know you didn’t mean to.”
“But, I…I should’ve been more careful. Listened to you. And now I…ruined everything.”
“You didn’t ruin everything, dove.” He trailed his finger along Ted’s jaw.
“You didn’t ruin anything. We can still make our s’mores bars and still make it to the picnic on time.”
“…Really?”
“Yeah! We've got plenty of time!”
“Oh...So, does that mean I’m…I’m not in trouble?”
“No way, dude. Not even a little bit.”
Ted sheepishly reached out to take Bill’s hand and lightly squish his finger pads. He chuckled, never getting tired of that ticklish sensation and knowing that it gave his boyfriend comfort.
“Everything’s waiting for you whenever you're ready.” He gestured his other hand towards the hall.
“Are…Are you sure?” Ted looked up at him nervously.
“Yep! I can’t make our excellent treat without you!” He stood up but didn’t go far enough that Ted couldn't keep squishing his fingers.
He didn’t try and pull Ted out, didn’t try to make him get out of bed. He just stood there and waited patiently. Bill was always patient with him, something he still hadn’t quite gotten used to after moving in with him. Not having to tiptoe around him like he did with his dad, not having to worry about making the wrong move all the time. And when he did mess up, nothing bad ever happened. It was hard to fathom, but he’d try really hard to get used to it.
Ted slowly slipped out of bed, still holding Bill’s hand. Although Bill smiled at him and kissed his face all over, he kept his head down and stared at the ground. He didn’t pick it up even as they walked to the kitchen together. When he found the floor cleaned and the candy they needed sitting by the dough, Ted’s heart sank.
“I’m sorry, Bill, for leaving you to clean up my mess.”
“There was barely a mess to clean, dove.”
Ted didn’t lift his head, solemnly hiding behind his bangs. He thought about running back to their room again; maybe he wasn't as ready to come out as he initially thought. But Bill caressed his hand and leaned forward to try to get into his line of sight.
“You can help me clean the dishes when we’re done, okay?”
Ted couldn’t help but smile. The way he tilted his body over made him look really cute and silly. He lifted his head up slightly.
“…Okay.”
“Excellent! But first, let’s get this candy on the dough. Ready, my lovely assistant?”
Ted nodded once, squeezing Bill’s hand lightly before letting go. He grabbed a wooden spoon from the counter and held it up timidly.
“Ready, Chef Bill.”