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The first thing I became aware of was Nyx's voice ringing in my ears, calling for me in the way that she so often did. I stared blankly at the indistinct scenery before me, and as my awareness returned to me, I realised where I was—the university's cafeteria. I drifted forward through the eerily empty space, unsure of what I was doing here, until I felt a tug on my sleeve and whirled, coming face-to-face with the younger Nyx that I remembered from my childhood.
"Jiejie…" She mumbled, clutching my sleeve tightly. She was pouting. "Are you going to leave again, Jiejie?"
I struggled to shake my head, pushing against the force that kept me frozen in place even as I kneeled down to match her eye level. "Of course not," I heard myself say, and then she was in my arms, the scenery shifting around me until it materialised into something new but equally familiar.
By my side was the Nyx I now knew, with her scruffy hair and fiery eyes and mischievous smile. She linked her arm with mine, pulling me away from the park where we'd spent so much time playing together as children and down a path that I knew very well—one that led towards my childhood home.
"But… You already did, didn't you, Jiejie?" A shot of bitterness laced into her voice, we arrived at the doorstep of what should've been my old home, only to find an empty lot in its place.
A surge of guilt welled up in me again—this hadn't been the first time since we'd reunited that I'd felt regret over this. "You know I didn't—I wouldn't have ever wanted to—"
She to look at me, her eyes starring daggers into my soul. "When I needed you most, you weren't there, you know? And all of that pain, Jiejie, you know…"
The world burst into flames.
"…Maybe if you'd been there, I wouldn't have come to hate you—wouldn't have wanted to hurt you—as badly as I did." Nyx—no, Chimei—smiled, sickly sweet, and reached up, her hand covering my face and latching on tight.
I struggled, pulling against her arm, but she was too strong. "No! Nixie, you can't—" I pleaded, but it fell on deaf ears.
"Sorry, Jiejie, but it's too late for that," she snapped, her words dripping with malice.
I screamed as my vision flashed white, and I jolted straight out of bed, heart thundering and eyes wide. A thump sounded from the next room over, and within seconds there was a gentle knocking at my door.
"Jiejie? Are you okay?" Nyx called, clearly holding back a yawn.
I took several deep breaths to steady myself and lean back against my headboard, then managed, "I'm fine…! It was just a nightmare."
Nyx was silent for a few moments before she gently pushed the door open. "Do you want to…" She trailed off.
I smiled gratefully and lifted my blanket up, accepting her offer to crawl into bed with me. I draped the blanket over her, her bright eyes gently probing me in the soft light as I settled in beside her and pulled her into a close hug, cradling her head against my chest as I finally felt my heartbeat begin to slow.
"Was it that scary, Jiejie?" She murmured, clearly still sleepy despite the shock I must've given her.
I buried my face in her fluffy hair and sighed. "Yeah," I whispered back.
"Well, I'm here now, so I'll make sure to keep you safe, okay?" She said, squeezing me tight and rubbing my back.
Maybe, in a way, that was true. Chimei was no more, after all—there was truly only Nyx Xia left in this world. She couldn't harm me anymore. But still…
"I…" At a loss for words, I trailed off. Maybe this wasn't the time for either of us to face this guilt. At least, it could surely wait until tomorrow. "…Thank you, Nixie." I cupped her cheeks and pressed a kiss against her forehead.
Nyx smiled bashfully. "Hehe, I'll protect you from nightmares anytime, okay, Jiejie?"
I closed my eyes and hummed softly. "I'm in your care, then. Goodnight, Nixie."
"Goodnight, Jiejie."
———
Nyx was just wrapping up a livestream when I unlocked the door and quietly slipped inside her apartment. It had been a hectic day at work, as always, but the weight of my nightmare last night had endured through the hours and nipped at my heels all the way home. Now, more than ever, I felt like I needed to make amends with Nyx properly.
Watching Nyx streaming always filled me with a certain calming energy, like a warm bubble bath. Her stream persona truly was something else, and even simply listening to her talk for so long was enough to soothe my frayed nerves. When she finally turned off her stream, I'd been settled long enough to come up with a decent plan of action for addressing what I needed to.
Nyx, on the other hand, seemed to have other plans, flying out of her chair and immediately snuggling up next to me on the couch. She chirped, "Jiejie, welcome home!" and nuzzled into my shoulder before quietly asking, "Are you feeling better?"
I smiled and offered her my hand, which she eagerly took into her own. "Yes, I am, Nixie. I'm feeling fine now, but I want to talk about my nightmare last night—you were in it, after all."
Nyx's face immediately turned solemn, then hardened with determination. "Was it about Chimei again?" she ventured.
"In a way, yes, but I think it was more about you, Nixie."
"…Me?"
I shut my eyes and squeezed her hand for reassurance. "Yeah. You and me. I've been…" I swallowed the lump in my throat and continued, "well, ever since you told me about what you'd been through after we moved away, I've felt like I'm at least partially responsible for everything that happened, and the way things turned out for you."
"Jiejie…" Nyx seemed at a loss for words already.
I opened my eyes and forced a reassuring smile in an attempt to soothe the worried expression on Nyx's face. "It's fine, really! This is just about how I feel. I only wanted to say, properly, that I'm sorry that I had to leave without telling you, and that I couldn't be there for you when you needed me. When I think about how you must've felt back then, all alone and with those strange memories appearing in your head, it breaks my heart a little. I should've been there, and then maybe I could've helped in some way…" I sighed and cast my gaze across the room, to the shelf where we'd gathered all the mementos we could find from those halcyon days—crayon drawings and old toys and little crafts that sparked memories of happier times for both of us.
After some time, Nyx spoke. "Jiejie," she began, a gentle tone in her voice, "all of those things I said before, about hating you and wanting you to hurt the way that I did, you know…" She pursed her lips, then continued, "I wanted them to be true, in the same way I wanted to become Chimei, but I don't think they really were. You helped me realise that myself, you know?"
Nyx fell into silence again, absentmindedly playing with my thumb, eventually adding, "Deep down, all I really felt about you was that I missed you really, really badly. So, if you'd been there, hmm, maybe you're right, Jiejie. I probably would've been much happier—much stronger. But that's all in the past now. I can't say that I completely understand your guilt, but we're here now! We're here, together, and that's really all that matters to me in the end."
I smiled. That really was such a Nyx thing to say. But still…
Shifting on the couch to face her more directly, I grasped her hand in both of mine and declared, "Nixie, I still want to make it up to you, in any way I can. I think that's the only thing that'll help me feel less guilty about it. Will you let me do that?"
She looked a little surprised, but quickly nodded. "Okay, Jiejie!"
With a relieved sigh, I sank back into the cushions. "Thanks."
Nyx giggled and rested her head against my shoulder once more. "So, how do you plan to do that?"
"I have no idea, but I'm sure it'll come to me with time…" I blinked. "Or, maybe time itself is the answer," I mumbled. "Good thing we have as much of that as we could want now, huh?"
"Hehe, sounds good to me, Jiejie!"