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“Yeah, sure, I’m in love with you. Not a big fuckin’ deal,” Liam had said quietly, looking at the ground littered with bottles.
Noel took a moment to think about it. “Love me.”
“That’s what I fuckin’ said,” Liam mumbled.
“No, you said in love with me. You’re not in love with me, you love me.”
“I’m telling you, I’m fucking in love with you.”
“You aren’t in love with me, Liam-“
“How do you fucking know?”
“Cause we’re brothers.”
“And?”
Noel turned to look at Liam. Liam stayed staring ahead. “Why do you think you’re in love with me?”
Liam took a moment, then shrugged. “I wanna spend my life with you.”
“That’s what happens when you’re brothers.”
Liam shifted uncomfortably. “Not like that.”
“Like how?”
“I’d fucking marry you, if I could,” Liam mumbled, gaze dropping to the floor.
Noel scoffed. “Marry?”
“It’s what I fuckin’ said.”
“You’re fucking drunk. And high.”
“Not the fucking point. So are you. I wanna marry you. We’d be one of those couples you see everywhere.”
Noel scoffed again, not making sense of the words. “A couple? Like, we’d fucking live together-“
“I don’t think it’d be that bad,” Liam said, raising his voice slightly to be heard. He remained looking at the floor, starting to rub his hand on his jeans. “I’d do the dishes and you’d do the laundry. Or I’d do both if you make dinner. Dunno. We’d have a system.”
Noel stayed quiet for a moment. “How much have you thought of this?”
Liam sighed. “A lot. I just think it’d be nice. We’d have our own little place. Our own shell. We can just be together and not have the fucking paparazzi everywhere. We’d just have each other, and- and no one else like that.”
“What, and sleep in the same bed?” Noel blurted. He hadn’t meant to.
Liam thought for a moment. “Yeah. We’d get a nice bed with soft warm blankets. And we’d both be exhausted after a show or rehearsal. We’d just get in and sleep.”
Anything else? Noel’s drunk mind thought, though he stopped the thought before it reached his mouth. “A fucking wedding?” he asked softly.
“‘Course. Dunno who we could invite, though. I just kinda imagine everyone. Mam and Paul. I’d send an invite to John Lennon’s estate, ‘cause why not? Can’t say no,” Liam said with a small smile. He finally looked up. First to the tv, then to Noel. “We’d each get a small ring, just the usual blank ones. Everyone would ask who we’re married to, but we’d never tell.”
Noel tried to imagine it. Them both in suits. Mam and Paul there (and apparently the fucking ghost of John Lennon) figuring if both were happy, why not? Christ, who would officiate a thing like that?
Liam looked back to the tv, lost in thought. “When I think about it too long, we even adopt. A little baby girl. We work around the clock to keep her happy and healthy. Fall asleep side-by-side holding her. She grows up to be great,” he said with a slight smile and cloudy eyes.
Noel’s throat felt tight for a reason he didn’t know. On the surface, raising a child with Liam felt like hell on Earth. Yet, his mind started wandering, trying to see what Liam saw. Them in a large bed cuddled together, only breaking apart when the baby started crying in her crib. Mundane arguments like who has to take her to school what days. Seeing the other in just his boxers making breakfast. Knowing that returning home at the end of the day meant seeing Liam, just Liam. Noel found comfort.
Liam moved closer to Noel on the couch, half breaking him out of his thoughts. He put an arm around Noel’s neck and pulled him close for a gentle kiss on the cheek. He pulled away, looking at Noel.
Noel stayed looking ahead. “We could never get married,” he said, going with what his instincts told him to say.
“‘Course we couldn’t. But it’s a nice thought, isn’t it?”
Noel stayed thinking. Being able to claim Liam as his own. Knowing Liam would never find someone else. Putting an arm across Liam’s back in public. Everyone would think he’s just a controlling big brother, while their relationship went deeper than any of them could know.
The everyday. Talking about a leaking sink. Making tea for each other. Their clothes mixed together in the laundry, their dishes in the sink. Ruffling each other’s hair and sitting down together for a movie. Being husbands. Noel felt dizzy.
“Hey,” Liam said, soft but firm enough to cut through his thoughts. Noel turned his head to look at Liam, a few centimeters from his face. Liam raised his eyebrows slightly as he gently pulled Noel closer with the arm around his neck. “You may kiss the groom,” he breathed. He tilted his head up just a bit, requesting, but not demanding, a kiss.
Noel looked at Liam for a second, then leaned in.