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“The day after tomorrow, if things work out—” Ted stopped, feeling uneasy.
“What this is about is…” Bill lowered his head, feeling off balance. He looked over his shoulder to see—
How Bill was doing. He seemed alright. Right at the cusp of asking the question that he’s wanted to ask—
…Joanna for a long time.
Ted looked back at Elizabeth, feeling much better and smiling brightly again. “Will you—”
“—marry us?” Bill asked sincerely.
Joanna’s heart hammered in her chest, harder than she thought it’d ever had in her life. She smiled at William and pointed her gaze towards her sister…
But Elizabeth did not return it.
Not at first.
She pursed her lips, trying to signal a sort of warning with just her eyes. Something only sisters could pick up on. But Joanna was too caught in the moment. Too lost in William to think clearly.
Joanna always dreamed of being in love. Happy under the arms of a knight in shining armor. Although she was displeased by the men their father tried to force them to marry, she was more willing to accept it all than Elizabeth was. More open to giving them a chance. Perhaps they meant well, and she could grow to love her betrothed.
And perhaps those men were well-meaning and perhaps Elizabeth could learn to love her betrothed too. But it took away their freedom, their voice, their right to choose who they wished to love. And once Rufus came and saved them from that, all Elizabeth could ever think about since then was…what made this life any different?
Sure, the men they were with were kind and gentle. And yes, she grew to love Theodore, but she did not choose to at first. She was given to him, given to their band, told to learn how to play keyboard and do what she must to unite the world and balance the universe together with her sister.
What if she did not want to do that? What if she wanted to choose another path? Why must her life revolve around doing what others tell her to do to maintain balance for someone else? Their father harped on how him marrying her and Joanna off to those old men was for the peace of their two kingdoms. To honor their family for generations to come. It infuriated her.
Was she a mere accessory for other men? The tires to a brand-new car being advertised for sale? Was she and her sister only made to help William and Theodore achieve their goals? What if they had goals of their own? Goals that did not involve the Battle of the Bands or having children or following more men at their heels? When will they get to discover what they wanted out of their own lives?
When will they finally stop obeying? When will they be allowed to live?
And with Theodore staring up at her with his soft smile and expectant eyes, she found herself feeling sick rather than happy.
“Theodore—” She whispered his name, clasping her hands in small fists.
“I’d love to.” Joanna told William.
The sound of her voice made Elizabeth stand, her eyes wide with terror.
“Joanna.”
Although all eyes turned to her, her own lied still on her sister.
“What’s wrong, Elizabeth?” She asked; her smile was no longer there.
“I…” She looked down at Theodore, but she immediately regretted it. He looked so lost and confused, staying put on his knees as if waiting for her to sit back down. Her heart truly wanted to, a deep part of her truly wanting to love him the way he loved her. But her mind reminded her of Medieval England and her father and those men and her freedom. And she pulled her gaze away and stepped out from in between him and the chair she sat in.
“I think…my sister and I should talk about this more. In private.”
“I…What do you mean, Liz?” Joanna asked, staying in her seat.
“This was all very sweet. The party, the…proposal. It’s all very nice and…But I don’t think I’m ready to make a decision like this so…suddenly.”
Joanna stared at her sister, silently reading her expression. What had gotten into her? Didn’t she love Theodore with all her heart? She spoke of him often; how kind and generous he was. How he made her something called a ‘playlist’ that she sits on her bedside table but has yet to touch. She may get a little frustrated that William is with him so often, but she only spoke of it to her.
What more was there to think about? Why was she hesitating?
Joanna was very happy with William. He was such a caring and honest young man. Like no one she’s ever met before. She wouldn’t mind having more alone time with him instead of always going on double dates, but that was okay. Not that she saw anything wrong with that, of course. She understood that her boyfriend enjoyed spending every waking moment with his dear friend, and that was fine. It wasn’t odd…although she’d never really seen anyone like that before.
It was fine; she loved William, and she knew for sure that he loved her. True love, not forced upon love. They had been together ever since they met when they were sixteen. She had never known anything else since her time here in San Dimas. Nothing else. No one else…
But she was happy. She really…truly was.
“I’m sorry, Theodore.” Elizabeth helped him back up on his feet. “But Joanna and I must be going now.”
Though things did not look up for Ted, Bill made sure he’d comfort him once they both left. But for now, while he had Joanna with him, he dug his hand in his pocket to pull out a very small, plastic purple ring. It was very cute, and very sweet.
But Joanna stood up and helped him up on his feet as well.
“Joanna?” The way he said her name made her stomach ache.
“It was…a very nice evening. We had a lovely time.” She hurried over to her sister.
Bill glanced over at Ted, who wouldn’t look up from the ground.
“Well, uhm…” Bill cleared his throat. “Do you mind if we walk you back to your car?”
The princesses exchanged a look before nodding to him.
The four of them walked together in silence, the chirping of crickets echoing in the night. Elizabeth stopped abruptly at the apartment stairs beside the car park.
“We’ll walk the rest of the way ourselves, if that’s alright.”
“Oh.” Bill nodded. “O-Okay. Uhm…you two be careful on your drive home.”
“We will.” Joanna knitted her brow. “Good night, William.”
“Good night, Joanna.”
Something about that felt wrong. Final. But he didn’t speak up about it.
“Good night, Theodore.” Elizabeth muttered quietly.
A pregnant silence sat heavy between them once more.
“Ted.” Bill patted him on the chest.
“Hmm?” He looked up at his friend from behind his bangs.
“Elizabeth said good night. They’re…heading home now.”
Ted’s eyes slowly gazed up at Elizabeth. She was so beautiful. So ethereal. So far out of reach. He let himself admire her presence for a moment longer before he blinked and let it melt away.
“Okay.” He muttered. “Drive safe.”
She opened her mouth to say something but stopped herself and switched to something else.
“Thank you.” She turned and walked away with her sister.
“What have you done, Lizzy?” Joanna whispered even though they were in her car and far enough away from the boys.
Joanna quickly swiped away at a tear that fell down her cheek before her sister started up her convertible.
“What I thought was right.”
As they backed out of the driveway, Bill and Ted watched them go from the stairwell.
“Dude…what happened?” Bill found himself asking.
Ted slowly shook his head as they walked back to their apartment, unable to say anything.
Once they reached their door, they heard the phone ring.
x
“Hello Bill, this is Joanna.”
The first thing that felt strange to Bill was his girlfriend calling him ‘Bill.’ But he didn’t think too hard about it. His head felt too tight underneath his hat tonight.
“Hey, Joanna…” He sighed despondently. “How’d you call us so fast?”
“That’s not important.” She answered sharply. It was most unusual, but understandable.
“This is.” She continued. “Elizabeth and I have spoken, and we’ve decided we’re quitting Wyld Stallyns.”
“Oh…” Bill sighed again. “Okay.”
“That’s right, we—” The other line went quiet for a moment. Bill glanced at Ted standing beside him, who looked as equally pained as he was.
“What do you mean ‘okay?’”
“While, me and Ted are sad about your decision, we will respect it. We’ll pull ourselves out of the Battle of the—”
“What?!” Joanna’s voice cracked in a most atypical way. “No! I mean…Why, why would you do that?!”
“It’s not Wyld Stallyns without you and Elizabeth. Plus, we sound pretty bad without you two. Ms. Wardroe knows it, so it’s a definite that the crowd will know it. But it’s okay, we don’t hold any ill—”
“Shuddup, Bill! Just shut up!”
Bill pulled the phone away from his ear as Ted jumped back a bit. Neither of the princesses ever raised their voices at them before.
“What’s going on?” Another voice asked in the background, only for them to be quickly shushed.
“Who was that, Joanna?”
“I…N-No one! I have to go! Goodbye!”
He couldn’t say it back before she immediately hung up. Bill hung up the phone dejectedly, staring down at the ground.
“Well…I guess that’s that.” Ted slumped, hearing every word of their conversation.
“Yeah…I guess so.” Bill huffed. “Except…I thought I heard someone with her.”
“It wasn’t Elizabeth?”
“No…The voice didn't sound like hers.”
“Oh. Well, then, whose voice did it sound like?”
“I dunno…It kinda sounded…like yours.”
Ted blinked.
x
Evil Robot Bill stared blankly at the phone after hanging up, his jaw slack and his wires short-circuiting.
“Dude, what happened? Did you fool those Other Us's?” Evil Robot Ted asked, standing beside him.
“No, dude. I didn’t.” He slipped out of the booth with E.T. following behind.
“But your voice was totally spot on!”
“I know! That Other Me is a total pussweed!” E.B. threw his hat on the ground.
E.T. started pacing, running through his mainframe for other options. A red alert popped into view.
“Should we call and tell the great one?” He asked, utilizing the urgent possibility that he came across.
“No way! He’ll totally decommission us for failing the mission!”
Outcome: Failure.
“Oh yeah…”
New Directive: Question the primary operative for alternative action.
“So, what should we do now, Evil Bill?”
x
Bill and Ted slouched on the couch as Star Trek sat on their TV screen with them barely watching.
“Maybe we should’ve proposed to them sooner.” Ted lamented.
Bill shook his head. “How could we, Ted? We could barely afford our own apartment. Plus…something felt off about the whole thing.”
“What do you mean?”
“I dunno. I just don’t get why they needed such a short amount of time to think about it.”
“Yeah, we’ve been ready ever since we found out the legal age to marry a princess.”
“I know, dude. This is non-non-heinous…”
“What are we gonna do…?”
“Maybe we should go to their place. Talk to them.”
“But didn’t they already make up their minds?”
Bill looked at Ted for a moment before they both dropped their heads in defeat.
As they sank further down into the couch, there was a knock at the door.
“I wonder who that could be.”
Bill rose from the couch, his football in hand, just as their phone rang again.
“What the...?” He halted, torn between which one to answer first.
“I’ll get the phone if you get the door.” Ted rose sluggishly.
“Okay. Thanks, dude.”
They went their separate ways.
“Hello?” Ted picked up the phone.
“How’s it going, Bill!” A pair of Bill and Ted smiled brightly as they greeted Bill from the door.
“Hi, Theodore. This is Joanna.”
“Joanna?” Ted pressed his eyebrows together in confusion. “Oh, uh. Hi again.”
“Again?”
“Well, yeah. Didn’t—”
“—I hear your voice on the phone earlier, Ted?” Bill asked as he stared at him.
“Uh…no?” E.T. lied plainly.
“Oh…I could’ve sworn—”
“Anyway—” E.B. cut in, extending his hand out to his counterpart. “How’s it going? Good?”
Bill sighed and shook his hand, slightly stunned by the grip. “Bad.”
E.T. tried his best to look as sympathetic as his mask could allow. “We’ve come—"
“—to ask if you and William would like to meet us at the park tomorrow at noon and discuss what happened this evening, and…our decision.”
“Really?” Ted gasped. “Well, sure. Of course we’d love to, but…didn’t you already give us your decision?”
“What do you mean, Theodore?”
“You called an hour ago and told Bill you and Elizabeth wanted to quit Wyld Stallyns.”
“...I beg your pardon?”
Suddenly, there was a loud rustling in the living room. Ted looked up in that direction before flinching at another crashing bang.
“Bill?”
“In here, dude!” Bill’s voice came through a second later.
“Are you okay in there?”
But he did not answer that time.
“...Bill?”
“Hello? Theodore?”
“Oh, sorry, Joanna. I was just checking on Bill.”
“William? Is he all right?”
“I’m not sure...I should go look for him.”
“Certainly. Forgive me, but...before you go. May I ask about what you said a moment ago?”
“Oh yeah. Sure, Joanna.” He brought his attention back to her. “Go ahead.”
“Right. So, you said you thought my sister and I wanted to quit the band?”
“Yeah, wasn’t that the reason you called us earlier?”
“Theodore…this is my first time phoning you two.”
A weird feeling twisted sharply inside him. “It is?”
“Yes. We arrived home thirty minutes ago and decided to call a few minutes after. Perhaps someone pulled a mean prank on you.”
“Hey, dude!” E.B. appeared behind Ted, smiling toothily at him.
Startled, Ted stared at him for a moment. At least he was okay. Or...maybe even better than okay. He looked way happier than he did before, his smile a little too wide.
“Bill, what happened out there?”
“Ah, don't worry about that!” He pointed at the phone and raised his eyebrows. “Who's that?”
“It…It’s Joanna. Do you wanna talk to her?”
“No, not really!”
Ted’s eyebrows rose slightly. Bill always wanted to talk to Joanna, especially in dire moments like tonight.
“C’mon, hang up! I’ve got something to show you!” He beckoned him towards the corner of the room.
“Theodore?”
Ted nodded once to Bill—or what looked like Bill—and tried to smile politely at him. “Okay, uhm…one sec.”
He turned his back to ‘Bill’ and cupped his hand over the phone’s mouthpiece. He spoke in a hushed and rushed voice.
“Joanna, I think something strange is happening right now. I don’t know what it is, but no matter what, I promise me and Bill will meet you at the park—”
Ted was interrupted by Bill’s hand gripping tightly on his shoulder.
“Come on, dude! What’s the holdup?”
Ted slowly turned and looked back at him, his heart hammering in his chest. His eyes…something about them were eerie. Scary. Almost too hard to look into, and he never had a problem with doing that before.
He lowered his hand from the mouthpiece and swallowed.
“S-Sorry, Joanna…” He stuttered, still staring at ‘Bill.’ “I-I have to go now.”
“Theodore? Are you okay? What’s going on?”
“D-Don’t worry, I’m fine. It’s just—”
E.B. rolled his eyes and snatched the phone out of Ted’s hand. He put it to his ear with glee.
“Hi, Joanna!”
Ted stared at him in shock, his mouth hung low. The color in his cheeks flushed.
“William? Is everything alright? Theodore sounded quite distressed.”
“Yeah, he’s fine! But listen, Ted and I are about to be really busy! So don’t call again, ‘kay?”
“I…Wh-What’s—”
“Great, thanks! Catch ya later!” He hung up roughly and smiled up at Ted. “So, ready to go?”
Ted took a step back, his stomach tightening below him. He looked over Bill’s shoulder, no one sitting in the living room. Their apartment was too quiet.
“Bill…That wasn’t very nice.”
E.B. waved off his words nonchalantly. “Ah, she’ll be fine! Besides, they're the ones that broke our hearts, remember?”
Ted lowered his head, shifting uncomfortably. “I…I don’t think it’s like that, dude. In fact, maybe things might be looking up for us again.” He peeked at him from his bangs with a simper.
“When I spoke with Joanna, she said that she and Elizabeth wanted to—”
E.B. grabbed Ted’s shoulder again and led him back into the living room. “Yeah, you can tell me all about it in the van!”
Ted pressed his eyebrows together. “The van? Are we going somewhere?”
“Yes! You and I are off somewhere to help with your most unfortunate situation. I mean our situation.”
Ted continued following him, though it felt more like Bill was moving him like a puppet. And while the living room was empty, the door was wide open. Bill's favorite football lied discarded on the floor by the exit, worsening the twisting in Ted’s stomach.
“Bill…Who was at the door?”
E.B. chuckled, his grip tightening on Ted’s shoulder as they reached closer towards the exit.
“Oh yeah! It was us, dude!”
“Us?”
E.B. maneuvered Ted out of the apartment and down the stairs. As they walked down under the car park, he saw someone familiar opening the Wyld Stallyns van. He stopped in his tracks.
“Is that—"
“Come on, duder.” E.B. yanked him forward. “Let’s keep moving.”
His heart clambered harder and harder within him as they drew closer to their green van. When E.B. opened the back door, Ted’s eyes widened at who he saw already inside.
“Bill?”
Bill jumped off the floor, looking relieved and worried at the same time.
“Ted!”
“What’re you—”
“Get in!” E.B. shoved Ted inside. He would have fell on his face if Bill hadn’t caught him in time. When they both turned around to face E.B., he was already shutting the door and locking it from the outside.
“Are you okay, dude?” Bill helped him back on his feet, though they were still forced to crouch.
“Yeah, thanks, Bill. What’s going on?”
“Sit down and shut your pie holes!” Someone shouted at them from the front seat.
Ted was shocked to discover the person yelling at them was…him!
Before he could properly react, E.B. got into the driver’s seat and craned his head to face them.
“You heard the man, sit tight. It’s gonna be a bumpy ride!”
Bill and Ted looked at each other, puzzled.
E.B. started up the engine and backed out of the parking lot roughly. It made Bill and Ted fall to their knees. They quickly sat down next to each other before they fell down again.
“Dude…I thought that Other You was you!”
“No way. That Other Me forced me to give up the keys to the van, tossed them to Other You, then Other You dragged me all the way here and tossed me to the backseat!”
“Whoa. That Other You’s a real jerk!”
“Yeah. I gotta remember to be more considerate towards myself when I become him.”
“Same here. My Other Me didn’t hurt you, did he?”
“No, I’m okay. Did my Other Me—”
“SHUT! YOUR! MOUTHS!” E.T. shouted over his shoulder.
Bill gawked at him, baffled and appalled.
“Dude…” Ted whispered, his voice wavering. “I’ve got a very bad feeling.”
“Me, too.” He whispered back.
“Where are we going?”
“I dunno.” Bill shook his head. “We should probably find out.”
“Okay. But…how? They don’t want us to talk.”
“I know, but…we gotta try.”
Ted nodded weakly.
“Hey.” Bill called out to their Other Selves. “Where’re you taking us?”
“We’re going to the desert.” E.B. replied begrudgedly.
Bill and Ted recoiled.
“Why?”
“So, we can help you, like we said. With the babes.”
“Oh yeah. Well, okay. Just…you didn’t have to be so rough, y’know.” Bill did his best to relax in his seat.
“Dude.” Ted whispered in his friend’s ear. “That can’t be true.”
“Why not?”
“I talked to Joanna on the phone before we left.”
His eyebrows shot up. “You did?”
Ted explained everything, keeping his head down and his voice low.
Bill lowered his head and replayed everything back in his head all over again. Now that he thought about it, none of it made sense. Least of all, hearing Ted’s voice in the background when he spoke to Joanna.
He furrowed his brow…Then looked up at his Other Self.
“Hey, why’re we going to the desert? The babes aren’t there, are they?”
“Shuddup, Bill.” His Other Self huffed, tired of being polite.
“Shuddup, Bill! Just shut up!” He remembered Joanna saying.
Or who he thought was Joanna.
“What’s going on?” He heard a voice like Ted’s ask in the background, only for them to be shushed by—
“Dude…” Bill breathed. “I think Joanna’s right.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. But this is definitely not a prank. We need to get outta our van. Right now.”
Ted nodded quickly. “Okay…But how?”
Bill grew quiet, thinking of something. But the more he gave up time thinking about it, the farther away they got from their home, the babes, and everything else they knew. He had to think faster, but nothing was sticking.
Seeing the struggle on his best friend’s face, Ted lowered his head and started thinking with him.
Together, their faces lit up at the same time.
“Whizz...!”
Bill cleared his throat and steeled himself to call out to the Other Thems.
“Uh, dudes?”
“If we hear one more peep outta either of you, you’ll both be sorry!” E.T. snapped.
Bill swallowed, looking over at Ted for support, who nodded at him gently. He nodded back, instantly feeling better, and went to try again.
“Okay, but…Ted and I really gotta go!”
E.T. furrowed his brow. “Go where?”
Bill shrugged sheepishly. “Heh…Y-You know.”
“Oh come-AWN!”
“It’s true, we do.” Ted added for reassurance.
E.T. glanced over at E.B., both of them rolling their eyes so hard they almost went to the back of their heads.
“We’re on borrowed time. We can’t stop.”
“But…But…” Ted trailed off.
“We’ll be quick!” Bill butted in.
Perfect! Bill was always such a quick thinker. “Yeah, we’ll be quick.”
“What should we do?” E.T. muttered to E.B.
E.B. groaned loudly. “They’ll probably keep asking about it if we don’t stop somewhere.”
“Should we tie ‘em up and tape their mouths shut?” E.T. asked not so subtly.
Bill and Ted exchanged a terrified glance.
“We don’t have the stuff to do that, E.T.”
“Right…Well, what if we stop somewhere and get it. They get to use it, and we get the stuff we need to make this trip more pleasant.”
E.B. nodded excitedly. “Yeah, that can work! I’ll watch over them while they go, and you grab everything.”
“Station!”
E.T. glared at his Other Self and the Other Bill, making them back away a bit.
“Alright, we’re stopping by the Builders Emporium. Don’t try anything stupid while we’re there.”
Bill and Ted nodded, suppressing the need to join in on an air guitar riff for their triumphant victory.
x
Bill and Ted glanced at each other as E.B. walked behind them, guiding them to the bathrooms in the back. When they reached it, E.B. crossed his arms and stood to the side of the door.
“You’ve got three minutes.”
The esteemed colleagues pulled their wrists up to their faces only to realize neither of them was wearing a watch.
“Don’t worry, I’ll come get you if you take longer than that.” He opened the door with an unnaturally large grin.
“Off you go, clock’s ticking.”
They nodded to each other and walked right in. Luckily no one was inside with them.
“Okay, we’re here.” Ted whispered. “Now what?”
“We gotta look for a way out.”
“But there’s only one way out, dude.”
Bill pushed open every stall, looking around for something. An opening somewhere. Anywhere. Anything!
“I thought there’d be, like, a window or something we could hop out of!” He whisper-hissed, on his knees and looking under the sink.
“Me too!” Ted called, standing on a toilet to touch the ceiling. “Do you think we could fit through here?”
Bill looked up at him. “You mean like in those spy movies?”
“Yeah, like that!”
“I dunno. We can try it.”
“Come on, I’ll hoist you up!”
He nodded and hurried over to him, only for the bathroom door to open. Ted quickly dropped down and sat on the seat, pretending to use it.
E.B. peaked at his pathetic human self pretending to wash his hands.
“H-How’s it going, Bill?” He chuckled nervously.
His robotic eyes scanned the room. “Where’s Ted?”
“Oh! H-He’s still in the other stall. He had to go a lot more than I did, I think.”
Ted flushed the toilet behind him.
“See?” Bill smiled tightly.
“…You’ve got two minutes left.”
“O-Okay, dude.”
Once E.B. slipped back out, Bill wiped his wet hands on his pants and ran over to the stall Ted was in. He knocked on the door.
“Are you done in there?”
“I didn’t actually use it.”
“Oh!” Bill opened the door just as his best friend stood back up. “Good thinking, dude!”
“Thanks! So, you ready?” He positioned himself on the toilet again to help Bill reach the ceiling.
“I don’t think we have time for that anymore!”
“Oh…” Ted set his legs back on the floor. “Well then…what should we do now?”
Bill couldn’t think fast enough this time. “Uh…I-I don’t know. But I do know we can’t go back to our van. I think those Other Us’s are up to something most egregious.”
“Yeah, me too. If only we could do something to stop them. Or…make them forget about whatever they wanna do to us.”
“Like distract them!”
“Yeah, exactly! But how?”
Ted and Bill thought about it as fast as they could when something perfect popped in their heads at the same time.
“Melvin!”
Together, they left the bathroom with newfound confidence. When they spotted E.B. waiting for them, he uncrossed his arms.
“All done? Great, let’s go.”
“Sure thing, Bill, but first...” Ted pointed to E.B.’s lower half. “Your shoes are untied!”
E.B. cocked an eyebrow. “You really think I’m gonna fall for that?”
Ted looked at his best friend. “Uhm…”
“Fall?” Bill chimed in. “Well, yeah! That's totally what'll happen to you if you don’t tie your laces!”
E.B. couldn’t roll his eyes any harder. But secretly, he lowered his gaze to check.
Bill and Ted gave each other a silent cue and hurried behind E.B. They pulled up his underpants, higher and higher.
But…there was no sound. No struggle. No…anything. Instead, he turned over and shoved them off. They stared at him, dumbfounded.
“Now are you done?” E.B. looked more annoyed than in pain as he readjusted his pants.
They swallowed.
E.B. made a gesture for them to move along.
“Bill, why didn’t that work?” Ted whispered as they went.
“I don’t know, dude.”
When they were outside, they spotted E.T. waiting for them by their van, holding a plastic bag in his hand. Once he saw them approaching, he smirked and walked towards the back. E.B. led them there, where E.T. held one of the double doors open with one hand and rope and a roll of duct tape in the other.
Ted’s blood ran cold.
“Dude…” He shuddered.
“Okay!” Bill held his hands up. “Let’s…Let’s just talk about this!”
“Get in, dudes! We need you quiet for the rest of the trip.” E.T. chuckled.
“But, but why? What’s really going on here?”
E.B. looked up at E.T. “Should we tell ‘em now or when we tie 'em up?”
E.T. shrugged. “Up to you, dude. Doesn’t matter anyway!”
“Yeah, that’s true!”
“We…We know this isn’t about the babes, so…just spill it!” Bill tried to sound intimidating.
“Okay! We’re totally gonna kill you!” E.B. exclaimed.
Bill and Ted exchanged a distressed glance.
“NO WAY!” They shouted in unison.
“Yes way, Ted.” E.T. grinned. “We’re fully programmed to do it!”
“Yeah! And we wanna do it, too!” E.B. laughed, with E.T. joining him.
“You dick, Bill!”
E.B. shrugged, his laughter only growing.
“You can’t kill us in the middle of a parking lot!”
“Wow, you’re right, Bill!” E.B. smiled mockingly.
“Yeah! You’re a total genius!” E.T. snarked off.
“NOT!” They jeered together.
In a fit of unbridled rage, Bill launched a fist at E.B.’s face, only to recoil painfully.
“Ow! You’re metal, dude!”
“I know. Check it out!”
E.B. lifted his shirt and exposed his chest, going a bit further and parting himself down the middle with his hands. He revealed fascinating robotic gadgets inside, mesmerizing Bill and Ted.
“Whoa…!” They mused in amazement.
Together, all four of them celebrated the discovery with a small, yet strangely heartfelt air guitar session.
“Anyways!” E.B. waved them off. “Just get in the van so we can tie you up! We don’t need you thrashing around or begging for mercy on our way to the desert.”
“Bogus…” Bill and Ted muttered. But they didn’t budge, their legs suddenly heavier than lead.
Bill looked up at Ted, seeing the terror in his eyes. It made him want to reach out and hold his hand. Comfort him and let him know it’ll be okay, but…were things really okay? They were trapped, stuck in a place they didn’t know or want to be in.
Then he remembered something.
“Ted.” He murmured. “Get in.”
Ted looked down at him, worriedly. “But, Bill—”
“Trust me.”
Ted trusted Bill more than anyone in the world. With that in mind, he nodded once and slowly stepped inside the van.
But before E.T. could get in behind him, Bill stood in front of him and darted inside with him.
“Get in the passenger seat, Ted! Hurry!”
Ted rushed to the front while squatting and watched as Bill sat in the drivers.
“Buckle up!”
“They’re trying to escape!” E.T. shouted.
“Ha! Don’t worry, Evil Ted. They can’t go anywhere without—” E.B. stopped when he went through his pockets and couldn’t find what he was looking for.
Bill pulled out a set of keys and shoved them in the ignition.
“Whoa!” Ted beamed. “How’d you get those?”
“I bagged them when we Melvin’d the Other Me!”
“Excellent!”
“Get back here!” E.B. shouted at them as they drove off.
E.T. tried climbing inside as the van was moving, but the door slammed him across the face as Bill made a sharp turn. He fell on the ground with a thud.
“They’re getting away, dude!”
“I know!”
Bill drove out into the streets at alarming speeds.
“Dude, that was non-non-non-non heinous!”
“Yeah, but you did it, Bill!” Ted cheered. “I’d give you a high-five, but…I don’t want to distract you.”
“That’s okay, Ted! We’ll save it for later!”
“Okay. Are we going home now?”
“No way! The Other Us’s might come back and find us there!”
“Oh yeah. Should we go see my dad? We can tell him what’s going on and get these guys arrested!”
Bill didn’t think that would work, but he didn’t want to tear down his friend’s idea. “I dunno, maybe. Wait, I got an idea!”
“What?”
“Let’s go find the phone booth! Maybe we can figure something out there!”
“Yeah, okay. Good idea, Bill!”
“Thanks. And…if things don’t work out there, we can give your dad and Missy a call.”
Ted nodded, though his stomach went hollow at the thought of trying to explain everything that’s happened to his dad. Would he even listen? He sure hoped so, their lives depended on it.
x
Bill and Ted sped all the way to the Circle K, nearly colliding into the building when they got there. As soon as they got out of the van, they looked around for the time machine phone booth. But it was nowhere to be found.
“Where is it?” Ted peered across the parking lot.
“I dunno. It used to be right over there.” Bill pointed to the corner of the convenience store.
“Maybe someone moved it. It has been a while since we’ve used it.”
“That’s true. Let’s look in the back of the building.”
“Okay.”
But it wasn’t there either.
Ted started gnawing at the corner of his lip.
“Dude…What if it’s not here at all?”
“But where else could it be?”
“I think I can answer that question for you, gentlemen.”
Bill and Ted turned around and spotted a curly-haired woman they instantly recognized.
“Ms. Wardroe!” Bill smiled though shocked by her appearance. “What’re you doing here?”
“I could be asking you the same thing.”
Bill and Ted eyed each other.
“Uhh…” Ted shifted on his heels. “Well…we kinda need some help.”
“Oh? Perhaps I can be of assistance then.”
“It’s…not about the Battle of the Bands, Ms. Wardroe.” Bill corrected. “It’s a most peculiar situation.”
“Gentlemen, there's nothing you can say or do that could ever surprise me.”
They tilted their heads, rather perplexed by Ms. Wardroe’s words just as she began unzipping her dress. Lower and lower until her whole body seemed to…shift.
And revealed herself to being another familiar face.
“Rufus!” Bill and Ted beamed.
“Greetings, my excellent friends.”
“You were Ms. Wardroe this whole time?”
“Would anyone else had let you two into the contest tomorrow night?”
“...No.” Bill and Ted shrugged, though there were no hard feelings.
“I would have liked to say this to all the members of Wyld Stallyns, but…it seems something has changed.”
The young men nodded slowly.
“Yeah, the princesses…They declined our marriage proposals tonight.” Bill picked his head up. “But that’s okay, because Ted said they wanted to meet us tomorrow afternoon to talk about it.”
“But…we’ve ran into some serious trouble along the way.” Ted added.
Rufus nodded gently. “I am aware.”
“You are?”
“Joanna and Elizabeth’s decision this evening has caused a divergence in the timeline. Thus, causing a rift that is detrimental to life as we know it.”
“No way…” Ted gasped.
“What do we do, Rufus?” Bill asked worryingly.
“Gentlemen, it is imperative that you meet with the princesses tomorrow. It’s the only way to return everything back to the way it should be.”
Bill and Ted nodded.
“But first, we must deal with the task at hand.”
Just then, a ripple through the clouds erupted overhead. A spark of red lightning burst through the sky, and a loud crash landed at the front of the store. Bill and Ted glanced at each other before rushing over to find out what the commotion was.
Rounding the corner, they spotted a telephone booth with an awesome guitar poking out of the top. But a scary bald man in a black cloak walked out of it, looking terribly angry.
“Who’s that?” Ted whispered.
“Chuck De Nomolos.” Rufus answered. “My old gym teacher. And the creator of those Bill and Ted robots.”
As if called upon, E.B. and E.T. emerged from the streets and walked over to the old man.
“Whoa! How'd they get here so fast?” Bill gasped.
“Yeah, and how'd they know where to find us?” Ted wondered.
“They're evil robots, gentlemen. They most likely tracked you here.”
“No way...”
“You imbeciles!” De Nomolos growled coldly at his minions. “How could you let them escape?”
“We didn’t let them escape.” Ted ensured. “They got away from us most sneakily.”
“They were right in the palm of your hands. I had everything planned out perfectly, and yet you still somehow found a way to ruin it all.”
E.B. and E.T. lowered their heads, unable to defend themselves.
“But there is still time. For that insipid band has not yet performed at the Battle of the Bands. And I will do everything I can to keep it that way.”
“Their van is here, great one.” E.B. pointed out. “We’ll look for them for you, and totally kill them for real this time.”
“No. I cannot trust you two to do anything right. You are simpletons. I must complete this mission myself.”
De Nomolos pulled out a space gun and pointed it at the robots.
“Whoa!” E.T. held his hands up.
“What’s up, evil dude?” E.B. did the same. “You’re pointing your gun at the wrong Us’s!”
“I am doing exactly what is meant to be done. So long, you buffoons.”
“Dude…” Ted whispered. “I know those Evil Robot Us’s tried to kill us, but…”
“I know…” Bill nodded. “We gotta do something.”
“Gentlemen,” Rufus intervened, but only to pat them on the shoulders. “Be careful out there.”
“Thanks, Rufus.” They both replied.
Ted swallowed and walked out into the open with Bill.
“Excuse us, evil dudes?”
All eyes were on the Wyld Stallyns.
“Leave those Evil Robot Us’s alone!” Bill snapped.
“Yeah! You have no right to treat them so heinously!”
De Nomolos squinted at them. “What are you two wretched fools babbling about?”
“Dudes,” Ted brought his gaze back to the robots. “Even though you tried to kill us before…we…we…”
“We love you.” Bill smiled awkwardly but genuinely.
“We love you.” Ted added sincerely.
E.T. and E.B. exchanged a bewildered look.
“Even if he’s your boss, or creator, or whatever. You’re…You’re not those cruel things he says you are. You’re not that bad, dudes.”
“That's right, and you don’t have to listen to what he says. So don’t get programmed by anybody but yourselves!”
Their Robot Selves stared awestruck at them, completely taken aback by their words. But before they could even respond to them, another telephone booth descended from the skies.
Another set of Bill and Ted walked out from their booth, along with another bald man in black robes. Except he seemed taller than De Nomolos and was holding a scythe. The Other Bill and Ted looked way different than any of the Other Thems they had encountered before, sporting awesome guitars, even cooler clothes, and most triumphant facial hair.
“How’s it going, Bill and Ted!” They waved to them.
“Whoa!” Bill and Ted hollered.
“Your journey ends here, dude!” Bearded Bill pointed a finger at De Nomolos.
“You’re coming with us!” Goatee Ted stepped forward.
“What is the meaning of this?” He snarled, pointing his gun at them instead.
“Excuse me, but your shoe laces are untied.” The other robed man pointed to De Nomolos’s boots.
Confused and derailed, he looked down—
And the taller man used the opportunity to pull his underpants up as high as he could. De Nomolos winced and keeled over, dropping his weapon.
“Way to go, Death!” The Other Them’s cheered.
“Melvined again!” He cheered back after kicking the gun away.
The Other Cooler Them’s cupped their arms under one of each of De Nomolos’ while he was down.
“We did it, dude!” Goatee Ted mused to his buddy.
“Yeah! But what should we do about the Other Evil Robot Us’s?”
“You’re right. We don’t have Good Robot Us’s to fight them.”
“Wait!”
Bill and Ted stepped in front of the Evil Robot Them’s, much to their Cooler Selves' surprise.
“Sorry, but, uhm…well, first - we’d like to say thank you for your most timely rescue.” Ted praised.
“Yeah, and might we say you both looked incredibly stylish while you did it!” Bill complimented.
“Thanks, dudes!” The Cooler Them’s grinned.
“Secondly, we…” Bill and Ted glanced over at the Evil Robots from over their shoulders.
“We were wondering if you wouldn't mind leaving the Evil Robot Us’s to…well, to us.” Ted asked politely.
“They may seem evil, and they did try to kill us. But…we don’t think it’s their fault.”
“Yeah, just an issue of an…unjust workplace environment.”
“No way…” E.T. and E.B. blinked.
The Cooler Them’s shrugged. “Okay!”
“Maybe your Evil Robot Us’s are different from our Evil Robot Us’s.” Bearded Bill suggested.
“Our Evil Robot Us’s were total jerks, but if you’re willing to defend your Evil Robot Us’s so valiantly, then I guess they’re worth giving a chance.”
“Whoa…Thanks, Cooler Us’s!”
“Cooler? We don’t know about that one.” Goatee Ted chuckled modestly. “We couldn’t have done all of this without Rufus.”
“Yeah, he’s the one who told us all about your egregious situation with this gnarly old evil dude.”
“Rufus?” Bill and Ted glanced over at where they left him.
“They’re right, gentlemen.” He walked over to them from behind the Circle K.
“These two excellent friends are from the future. Tomorrow’s future. Except, a different tomorrow.”
“What?” Ted blurted out.
“You see, there are an infinite number of paths in time, as you may have noticed when you travel through the circuits of time. Once I suspected a rift in your timeline, I went to the future to gather these dudes to help with your dilemma.”
“Whoa…!” Bill and Ted gasped.
“Now that everything is settled, I will take De Nomolos back to my time and return him to where he belongs.”
Rufus walked over to Future Bill and Ted holding De Nomolos, but the old man began to thrash in their arms.
“No! After all I’ve worked for, you will never take me back! You will pay for this! You will—”
“Hey!”
E.B. and E.T. walked over to them and grabbed De Nomolos by the shoulders.
“What are you doing?! Unhand me at once!”
“We’ll take it from here, dudes!”
“What! You betray me?! How dare you!”
Future Bill and Ted let the old gym teacher go and watched E.T. and E.B. drag him to the phonebooth he arrived in, with Rufus following right next to them.
“Thanks for the excellent words of encouragements.” E.T. and E.B. said as they passed by their clean shaved Other Selves.
“Nothing to it, Evil Robot Us’s. Thanks for not killing us the moment you laid eyes on us again.” Bill patted his robot self on the back.
“Yeah! It is much appreciated. Maybe we can rock out sometime.” Ted offered.
“Sounds like a plan, lesser developed human prototype Us's!” E.B. chuckled.
Everyone, even E.T., stared at him blankly.
“My bad. Still getting used to this.”
“Remember gentlemen,” Rufus intervened and faced the boys. “You must meet with the princesses tomorrow.”
“Right. Thanks again, Rufus!”
“Catch ya later, Bill and Ted!” E.T. and E.B. shoved their shades on and waved a rockers salute at them.
Bill and Ted waved at them before they all descended out of sight.
“Well, I guess that’s it then.” Death shrugged.
“Yep, guess so.” Bearded Bill agreed.
“We couldn’t have done it without you, Death. You helped us out thrice over.” Goatee Ted patted him on the back.
“It was nothing!” He waved him away, smiling bashfully.
“Come on, dudes. Let’s get back to the princesses.” Bearded Bill headed over to their time machine.
“Future dudes, before you go…” Ted stepped over. “We just wanna ask. What’s the future like?”
“It’s great!” Goatee Ted exclaimed.
“We finally learned guitar, got to compete in Battle of the Bands, and we’re gonna raise a family with the babes!”
“Whoa! No way!”
“Yes way, Ted! It’s a great life, and we can’t wait for you to enjoy it, too!”
Bill and Ted lowered their heads.
“Thanks, Cooler Future Us’s but…we’re not sure a future like that is in our future.”
“What do you mean, Other Bill?”
“…The princesses declined our proposals tonight. We may not even perform at the Battle of the Bands because of it.”
Future Bill and Ted glanced at each other. “Whoa.”
“Well, why don’t you talk to them about it?” Goatee Ted asked.
“We are, tomorrow.”
“See? It’ll all work out! It may work out differently than how things worked out for us, but it’ll be okay no matter what.”
Bill and Ted smiled warmly, feeling a new sense of assurance in their advice.
“Thanks, Future Us’s.”
“No sweat! Catch ya later, Bill and Ted!”
And just like that, they were all gone as well.
Bill and Ted stood in front of the Circle K alone for a while in silence and in shock.
“Ted?”
“What?”
“This has been a most unusual night.”
X
Ted stared up at the ceiling while lying in bed. His mind whirled with everything that happened to him and Bill, and that they were still alive after it all. He thought about each one of their Other Selves they met, and how each of them had their own paths they were going to. Each of them was sure of what was going to come their way once they went back to where they were supposed to be in their time machine.
And how so uncertain his own life was compared to theirs. He thought he had everything planned out perfectly. Propose to Elizabeth alongside Bill and Joanna, perform at Battle of the Bands together, win the contest, pay back his dad, and try to build a better life for everyone. But, after tonight, he wasn’t sure what the future will hold.
But there was one thing that was for certain. And that was Bill. After everything that happened, he was by his side the entire time. He never left, never thought of leaving, never looking for a way out on his own. Bill had always been there through it all. A single constant in a spiral maze. Something about that made his face feel really hot for some reason.
“Bill…”
“Mm.”
“I can’t sleep.”
“We gotta try, dude. Otherwise tomorrow will come even slower.”
“That’s why I can’t sleep, dude. I can’t stop thinking about tomorrow.”
Bill slowly sat up in his bed and squinted at Ted.
“What about it?”
“What do you think’s gonna happen to us? Nothing went as planned today; what makes us think anything will go right tomorrow?”
Bill shook his head slowly. “I dunno, dude. I guess we’ll know when it happens.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
Bill nodded and sank back under his sheets.
“Bill?”
“Mhm?”
“I couldn’t have done anything that we did today without you, dude. Not just all the stuff with the Evil Robot Us’s. But…proposing to the princesses, too. And, setting up the apartment for their birthday party. All of it.”
“I couldn’t have done it without you either, dude.”
Ted turned his head to face Bill. “Really?”
“Yeah. We’re a totally dynamic duo. In all timelines.”
Ted smiled warmly. “Yeah, I guess we are.”
“Oh yeah, I just remembered something.”
“What?”
He watched Bill shuffle in bed until he was sitting up at the edge of it and holding out his hand towards him. Ted furrowed his brow.
“Our high-five, dude! I totally owe you one!”
Ted face lit up like a star. He quickly sat up and met Bill at the edge of his own bed.
“What should we high-five to?” He asked while holding his hand up.
“Let's high-five for surviving an evil robot takeover!”
“Yeah! And becoming their friends!”
“And meeting our Future Selves!”
“And that awesome drift you did out of the Builders Emporium parking lot!”
“Aww, thanks, dude!”
“EXCELLENT!” They shouted together, not caring how late at night it was.
Together, the totally dynamic duo joined in a passionate and most triumphant high-five.
“YEAH!”
He never knew he could be so happy, but Ted always found himself feeling that way with Bill. Of course, Elizabeth made him happy, and he was sure Joanna made Bill happy, too. But, this was different.
Totally different.
X
“Theodore!” Elizabeth called him from a nearby bench.
“William!” Joanna waved cheerfully as they approached.
“How’s it going, ladies.” Bill and Ted smiled softly once they were close enough to speak.
“Please, have a seat.” Elizabeth gestured to the empty seats in front of them.
And so, they did.
“We were so worried about you two last night.” Joanna started.
“We almost thought you two might not have been able to show up today. We were prepared to come to your apartment and check on you.”
“No way.” Ted shook his head.
“We wouldn’t miss this for the world.” Bill reassured.
“What happened, if you wish to share?” Elizabeth asked.
“It’s definitely a long story, maybe one that we’ll share sometime in the future.”
“But for now, we want to hear what you have to say.” Ted simpered.
The princesses exchanged a subtle smile from one another before nodding.
“Well, alright. We’re glad you’re safe. And we’re glad you came.” Elizabeth flattened her skirt below her.
“We wanted to talk about…the proposal.”
Bill and Ted glanced at each other and stiffened before giving their full attention to the sisters.
“Joanna and I spoke to each other for a very long time last night about it all. Firstly, I want to say that we were both very happy about receiving it. It was quite a lovely moment.”
“William, your ring was incredibly sweet.” Joanna smiled softly. “I’ve never seen something so precious.”
Bill scratched the back of his neck sheepishly.
“But Theodore…” Elizabeth continued. “When I think of marriage, it…it scares me. It makes me feel…small, closed in. Like being trapped inside of a castle. It does not mean I love you any less. I simply…cannot shake the feeling of what it was like for me to almost give my life away to those men back in Medieval England.”
Ted lowered his head, taking in her words and truly making sure he understood them.
“And William,” Joanna cupped her hands on the table. “I love you very much, I do. You’ve been so kind to me and getting to know you has been incredible. But…sometimes I find myself thinking about our relationship. We’ve never gotten a chance to be…friends. The moment Rufus brought us here from our home, we became a couple. I knew nothing more than that. That I was supposed to be the drummer for Wyld Stallyns, that I’m meant to be your girlfriend, and that’s it. The more I think about it, the more daunting it is for me. Do you…understand what I’m saying?”
Bill furrowed his brow, mulling it over in silence.
Joanna and Elizabeth eyed each other.
“We feel as if…we would like to get to know who we are, now. Outside of the band. And…” Joanna found it hard to speak again.
“Jo and I are going back home to England. But in this time period.”
Bill and Ted lifted their heads, their eyes wide with shock.
“We know it won’t be the same there as it once was, which is exactly why we want to return…We would be free to learn about ourselves. About what we like and…what we want.”
“But…” Bill breathed. “That means…”
“William,” Joanna gently interjected. “May I ask you something?”
He nodded.
“Have you ever thought about…what life would be like if Elizabeth and I never came back from England five years ago? If Rufus hadn’t brought us here?”
“No, not really.”
“I think about it sometimes. I think about how perhaps…certain relationships would’ve flourished if not for our intervening.” She glanced discreetly at Ted.
“What do you mean?”
“Theodore,” Elizabeth spoke. “You and William are…incredibly close. Closer than any friendship I’ve ever seen before. You two do everything together. Joanna and I rarely ever see you two apart.”
Ted nodded. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“Doesn’t that make you feel…excellent?”
“Yeah, it does.”
“Wouldn’t you like to stay by his side for…the rest of your life?”
“Well, yeah! That’d be great!” He smiled at his best friend who returned it with a mild halfheartedness.
“And wouldn’t you like the same, William?”
“Of course! But…couldn’t we all stay together like that?”
Joanna smiled sympathetically, eyeing her sister for further advice.
“We could, but…not in the same way you may think. Perhaps as dear friends. For, Joanna and I feel that…maybe, in time, you and Theodore will see how important you are to each other. Not to say that we are not important to you, because we know we are. But…in a very different way. A very pure and beautiful way.”
Bill and Ted stared down at their hands, unsure of how to answer. Unsure of how to think. Unsure of how to feel.
Except, Ted did know how to feel. How he felt. He felt it after their high-five and all through the night after. Felt it each time he looked at Bill for assurance, or help, or just to smile at him. Felt it all the time. He just never had the words for it, or ever really acknowledged it. Because...how could he feel something like that for his best friend...but not for Elizabeth?
“That being said,” Joanna chimed in once more. “We still wish to jam out with you one last time.”
The duo perked up.
“You mean…”
“Yes. We still wish to compete in the Battle of the Bands with you tonight.”
“Whoa!” Bill and Ted smiled brightly.
Joanna placed a hand atop of Bill’s, with Elizabeth doing the same to Ted.
“We love you both, we do.” Elizabeth assured. “You are most outstanding gentlemen.”
“But, we want you to see how beautiful life could be if you…looked back on your lives together, and see that you love each other in that very same way.” Joanna added.
Bill and Ted gawked at one another. “What?”
“Don’t worry, it may not make sense now. But it will. In time.”
Ted found his face running hot at the thought.
“For now, let’s focus on the competition.” Elizabeth reminded them.
Bill nodded, though his mind couldn’t help but wander elsewhere. Could Joanna read minds? Did she know the entire time? About his feelings towards his best friend deep down? He loved Joanna, too. But...he never liked admitting that it just wasn't in the same way. He shoved that part of him down every time it came up. And it came up a lot. Even now...
“O-Okay.” He peered at Ted, trying to concentrate.
“Uhm, Ted?”
“Y-Yeah?” He stared at him, but felt a little off balance.
“I...We...”
It was then that a most alarming realization struck him.
“Dude, we still don’t know how to really play guitar!”
“Dude, you're right!” Elizabeth was right, too. Focusing on the competition was easier to handle right now. A lot less scary.
“But...maybe we don't have to get good, Ted.”
“What’d you mean?”
“I mean, maybe instead of going to the Battle of the Bands, we just...jam one more time with the princess…by ourselves. You know, like…where it all started.”
“You mean...?”
Bill nodded quietly.
“But, what about the contest?” Joanna’s eyes widened.
“There are more important things out there than fame and fortune. Right, Ted?”
“Yeah, you’re right, Bill. If this is our last time rocking out together, it should be special. Even if it is just us goofing around on our instruments.”
“Theodore…”
“William…”
Ted and Bill smiled at each other before standing up and holding their hands out to the princesses.
“Shall we, ladies?”
x
“Alright, guys!” Missy beamed as she held a camcorder on her shoulder. She pointed at the group to signal them. “Intro!”
Inside Bill’s father’s garage, he and the Wyld Stallyns stood in their usual spot where they used to practice and perform as teenagers. Joanna tickled the ivory sticks with a most melodious cadence, as Elizabeth banged wildly on her drum set. Together, their families scooted inside the small space, looking forward to watching them play, no matter how good—or bad—they were.
Bill stepped forward, holding his guitar up happily. “I am Bill S. Preston, Esquire!”
Ted joined in, though a little more nervous than when they were on their own. “And I’m Ted “Theodore” Logan!”
“With the beautiful princesses of Medieval England, Joanna and Elizabeth—”
“When are they going to stop saying that…” Captain Logan groaned before Missy smacked his hand to shush him.
“Together, we are…”
“WYLD STALLYNS!” The four bandmates shouted all at once.
“Ladies and gentlemen, family members – before we begin, we would like to thank you for being here tonight.” Bill bowed his head as the small audience clapped.
“We were supposed to perform at the Battle of the Bands, but…we decided to pull out of it in order to have a more private event with everyone.”
“Sorry, Dad. Looks like you’ll have to wait a little while longer for the money I owe you.” Ted looked down meekly.
Missy giggled and rubbed her husband’s shoulder to soothe his unnecessarily sour mood.
“Second, we wanted to say…the reason we all asked you out here on such short notice was because…well, tonight will be our last night as a band.”
Bill’s dad gasped.
“The princesses will be returning to England for a most excellent adventure of their own! And, while we’re saddened by their going away, we couldn’t be happier, too!”
“They’ve been a huge part of our lives since we’ve met them, and we only want the best the best for them.” Ted looked over his shoulder and smiled at Elizabeth. “The same way the want what’s best for us.”
Elizabeth blinked to hold back her tears.
“Love…is a powerful thing.” Bill glanced at Ted. “It can make you happy.”
“It can make you sad.” Ted added.
“It can make you get inside of a van with evil robots who tell you they’re going to help you when they’re actually going to kill you instead.”
The crowd, and even the princesses, tilted their heads in utter confusion. But they didn’t harp on it or interrupt the boys as they spoke.
“But…love can also make you see how incredibly lucky you are to have a friend who never abandons you, or…leaves you hanging.”
Bill nodded cheerfully. “Yeah! Love can show you that…maybe the things you’ve been looking for all your life have been right next to you the whole time.”
“And…maybe that funny feeling you get when you look at someone isn’t such a bad thing at all.” Ted eyed Bill as the butterflies in his stomach began to flutter.
“And that it shouldn’t be…ignored or pushed down.” Bill locked eyes with Ted, pressing his eyebrows together.
“Love is…” Ted winced.
“Love is…” Bill gripped the fretboard of his guitar tightly.
“Excellent.” They whispered jointly.
Joanna and Elizabeth gave one another a bright glance, their hearts swelling large and warmly.
Captain Logan cleared his throat loudly through the comfortable silence, causing Missy to roll her eyes and give his backside a pinch.
“Don’t you dare ruin this!” She snarled at him before focusing the camera back on the young boys.
Bill and Ted lowered their gazes as their cheeks grew hot.
“Bill?” Ted peeked at him from behind his bangs.
“Yeah, Ted?”
“Maybe we should talk about this more, in private?”
“Good idea, dude. In more private.”
They smiled affectionately at each other before considering their small crowd once again.
“Sorry about that.”
“Uhhh…where were we?” Bill scratched the back of his head.
“You were about to play us a song!” Deacon shouted out their reminder.
“Oh yeah!” Bill and Ted chuckled.
“Well, I guess now all’s we can say is…”
Bill and Ted clasped their hands together and raised them up in the air.
“LET’S ROCK!”
Outside of the garage door, Rufus stood beside the time machine and listened to the ruckus going on inside, smiling proudly as he crossed his arms over his chest.
“Sounds like they truly did get better. Wouldn't you agree?”