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The chatter in the locker room is incessant. All Reo can do is tap his foot in attempts of distraction. But much like how he can’t silence his teammates, he can’t silence his own mind.
Thoughts of the Reo who saw the World Cup on TV and vowed to make it his. Thoughts of the Reo who met Nagi in their high school stairwell and vowed to make him his.
And between them, is the Reo who has already lost one and refuses to let the other slip away.
He sighs, and pushes himself up and off of the bench. He slips out of the locker room unnoticed. There was still time before the game.
On that fateful day, he’d organised for Ba-Ya to take Nagi home. Which had soon turned into organising for her to come watch the game.
This is everything he’d spent over half a year preparing for. But he hadn’t prepared for the guilt and sorrow that would be laced with it.
He found himself somewhere behind the bleachers. He’d seen others meeting up with their families here earlier, with many exchanges of encouraging words. Not something he’d ever get from his parents, but he could get it from someone who was close to it.
At least he had hoped. This area was all but empty now. Aside from a head of white hair. But it wasn’t pulled into two neat buns like he’d been searching for.
Instead it was a messy white mop, half of which hid behind a matching coloured hoodie, hanging off slouching shoulders-
“Nagi?”
He reaches out his arm, but the only sensation he feels in his palm is the cool air against his too warm gloves. As his eyes meet with those of lifeless grey, he swears he sees them flinch.
His fingers flex inwards, drawing back into his chest.
“…What’re you doing here?” Reo doesn’t need to look up from the ground to know Nagi is no longer meeting his gaze.
Nagi hums in response, taking a few steps to situate himself closer, “I asked Ba-Ya-san if I could come.” Not close enough. Never close enough.
Reo’s hand drops to his side as he wraps his other hand around his wrist, “I would’ve thought you’d be in bed playing games.”
He rubs the back of his neck. “Watching Reo is more fun.”
Silence envelopes them. Reo’s thumb brushes against his wrist, in rhythm with the seconds that tick by. Until he takes a breath, “I didn’t think you’d want to see me.”
Nagi’s eyes widen. “Why?”
Reo hunches in on himself. “You lost everything, Nagi. You had so much potential, but because I had the wrong idea about how to help you flourish, you lost-“
“I said it back then, didn’t I? Reo made me happy. I don’t regret anything.”
His shoulders tense as Reo’s head falls lower and lower, “but you also said if we’d never gotten close to each other things could’ve been different. I think you were right. If I just hadn’t gotten so attached, I wouldn’t have squandered all your talent-“ Nagi can’t see his eyes, but he can see the way he freezes and subsequently buries his nose into his elbow.
“I keep making Reo cry… I’m sorry.” He looks at the ground. His fingertips latch around the hem of his hoodie.
Reo can’t help the small laugh that escapes his lips. Barely more than a breath. But it’s not the smile Nagi longs to see. “And I keep giving you reasons to apologise. I should be the one saying sorry.”
Nagi falls silent for a moment. Staring at the specks and cracks in the concrete floor as if they’ll calm his nerves.
“Hey, Reo. There’s something I wanna tell you.” He reaches out his hand. Reo hesitates before reaching back. His palm faces the ground behind the shield of his fingers. Nagi takes him by the wrist, despite his barely outstretched arm.
“Meeting you and becoming your partner… I wouldn’t trade that for anything.” He says, “and I’m not giving up.”
Reo blinks up at him. His shoulders begins to relax, allowing his arm to be pulled closer, “…On soccer?”
Nagi nods. “Not just that, though. You too.”
A pause, before Reo’s body goes fully slack. There’s a crease between his brows that he presses into his palm. His lip ever so slightly shakes, “Nagi… that was the problem. I can’t be more important to you than soccer, I’ll keep holding you back-“
“Yes you can!” Nagi presses on. Only then does Reo notice how his eyes have sparked to life.
Both his hands wrap around the warmth of Reo’s wrist, “just being by your side really was enough for me, but that was the problem. I got complacent and relied on you too much… That wasn’t fair to you.”
“You deserve someone who’ll fight for you, not someone who’s satisfied with the bare minimum…” He takes a breath before their eyes meet, “I didn’t realise until it was too late that I really could lose you.”
“I want to be the version of me that you deserve.”
Reo’s mouth hangs agape, furrow still deep in his brows, “you… You shouldn’t do all that just for me.”
“That’s the thing.” Nagi’s fingers glide further up his wrist, ever so slightly. “If it’s for you, then it’s for me too.”
“Nothing is more important to me than you.”
“Nothing.” He closes his lips firmly.
Nagi’s hands fall, releasing what was in their grasp. Reo’s fingers unfurl to instinctively reach out, but he draws them back to his chest just as quickly.
“I’m working hard, so… Wait for me.” He says with his arms now at his side, but he doesn’t let their gazes unlock. “I’ll get strong. As strong and dazzling as you. I’ll be strong enough to protect us, protect our dream. With you.”
Under the look Reo’s giving him, his cheeks start to turn pink, a look as if he were saying the most absurd thing. But he continues, “I won’t make you pick up my slack anymore, Reo. I’ll be enough on my own… So I can be enough for you.”
“But-“ Reo begins, before running a hand through his hair and scratching the back of his head. “…But isn’t that a pain?” He whispers.
“It is, but it’s worth it.” Nagi nods. “It’s important to me, and you. So it’s worth it.”
Reo falls silent once more.
Nagi turns away and rubs the back of his neck, “the game’s about to start, right?” His foot begins to slide in the other direction,” “see ya, Reo. I know you’ll win.”
One step. Two steps.
“Nagi, I…”
He looks behind his shoulder, seeing the hopelessness in Reo’s expression only for a moment. His shoulders soon slumping and hiding his face behind his hair, the usually striking purple dulled by the far too bright lighting. The hand he then uses to grip his forehead only serves to hide it further.
“I don’t know what to do when it feels like you don’t want me to touch you…”
Nagi exhales from his nose. “I can’t hug you until I don’t have to let go.” A small, barely there smile tugs at his lips, “so wait for me.”
Reo’s eyes go wide before he squeezes them shut. If Nagi can put in the effort to part with a smile, then willing away the heat behind his eyes is the least he can do.
“Yeah.” His lips too, tug upwards, “we’ll meet again, Nagi.”