Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When Max and El decided to hang out together, they had a few well-practiced activities in their arsenal. The most popular was painting their nails, closely followed by watching movies like “Grease” or “The Breakfast Club” that the boys wouldn’t touch (besides Will, who would occasionally join them and monopolize El’s attention), which was brought up by reading Teen Vogue and either disparaging or hailing the advice. But periodically, the topic of boyfriends would rear its ugly head. This time, Max hadn’t even purposefully disturbed the beast. Unfortunately, love really did make you stupid, and Max laid the time bomb in a single sentence.

“Lucas was really thoughtful yesterday,” she said.

El paused briefly from where she was finishing Max’s left ring fingernail in a vivid aquamarine. “You mean the present, right?”

“Yeah. I mean, you gave me a present too – hell, Will even drew me something – but it was crazy how much… he must have noticed, in order to get it.”

“You said he got you an album, but he wanted what album it was to be a surprise.”

“Yep, exactly.”

“You found out what album it was?” El asked, finishing up with Max’s pinky.

“‘Peepshow’ by Siouxsie and the Banshees.”

El blinked uncomprehendingly.

“It’s like Kate Bush mixed with The Psychedelic Furs.” Max realized she was doing the musical equivalent of asking anyone outside their group their opinion on the Upside Down’s mysterious but welcome hiatus. “Um, it’s music I like. But I only just discovered the band last month, and I think I only mentioned it once. So, Lucas not only somehow got his hands on an indie album that’s been out for less than two months but somehow remembered from a single instance that I liked the band.”

“That is very thoughtful,” El agreed. “He… he really loves you. And pays attention to you.”

“Yeah, he is.”

El nodded to herself, gloom shading her expression.

“What is it?”

A soft, barely perceptible sigh passed El’s lips. “I… do not think Mike would ever do something like that for me. He sent me the ring after I wrote about wanting jewelry-” She paused as they both looked at it. “-But I do not think he pays attention.”

Steel and garnet. It didn’t match El’s coloring and El didn’t like red, but it was clearly picked out with effort. Something like a child eagerly presenting their mother with a handcrafted, plastic lanyard.

“Mike just doesn’t notice much stuff about you.”

“Yes,” El said, pursing her lips.

“El,” Max said gently. “I think you have an idea of what I’m going to advise you to do.”

“Yes,” El sighed, dread already sinking in. “I do.”

“Just break up with him!”

“Max!” El yelled, frustrated. “You can’t keep telling me to break up with Mike over and over again. I like Mike. He is just not good at…”

“Anything,” Max supplied.

El looked to her with disappointment. “No. Not anything. He is bad… with understanding people. He cares, but he does not understand.”

Oh, Max was definitely making sure Mike wasn’t getting let off on this.

“Exactly! El, I know you guys haven’t fought since your huge one right before Vecna did me in, but that doesn’t mean that he hasn’t done anything worth breaking up for! The whole confession thing was sweet, I know that, and you definitely haven’t let me forget that over the last year and a half. It was sweet, but it doesn’t mean anything if he won’t act like he meant it!”

“He said he loves me,” El protested, though her heart was already whispering doubts.

“I know. But he hasn’t said it once since then.”

El’s countenance crumbled, and sympathy swelled in Max’s chest. “No. He hasn’t.”

“I told you a million times; Mike just isn’t a good boyfriend. He’s a solid D minus.”

El frowned in opposition. “He is not a D minus. He is… maybe a C. I am not sure. There isn’t a test to score him on.”

In a brilliant lightning-strike of insight, the perfect solution illuminated itself. Inadvertently, El’s words had led Max right to the Holy Grail.

“No. There isn’t. But we can make one.”

---

It took three evenings and one very distracted homeroom period to craft it in its entirety. But when it was complete, the surge of pride it incited was like none other Max had ever received. El felt more excited than smug, hopeful she would finally get the chance to prove Max wrong about Mike’s dismal skills in the relationship department. Both of them were looking forward to putting Mike to the test.

Max devised the scoring system with ease. What was decidedly not easy was determining what grade the scores would fall under. Both El and Max possessed math skills that could more accurately be described as detriments, and it became clear after two hours of fruitless calculations that another Party member was needed. One in particular.

“Hey, Dustin?”

The boy raised his head in surprise, and Lucas looked to Max with confusion. On the other side of the table, Mike and Will were enmeshed in another one of their animated conversations and were rendered functionally blind and deaf to all other persons.

“Uh, yeah?”

“Me and El need to talk to you about something.”

“What is it?”

“Away from here, dumbass.”

Dustin eyed them with suspicion. “O-kaaaaaay. Sure, I guess?”

“Why do you need to talk to Dustin alone?” Lucas interjected.

Max looked to El and engaged her wordlessly.

Can I tell him?

Sure, I don’t mind.

“I’ll tell you later, Lucas. Come on, Dustin.”

They dragged him to the first empty table outside of earshot.

“Sit.”

Dustin, disoriented, took a seat without complaint. El and Max sat across from him, and Max busied herself with retrieving the notebook with their test from her backpack.

“Uh, you guys aren’t planning to kill Mike, right?”

Max startled. “How the hell did you know this was about Mike?”

Dustin looked at her, unimpressed. “First off, you wanted to talk to me alone, which means either Lucas, Will, or Mike had to be involved. Lucas are all gooey and happy, which rules him out; Will would be more likely to take a Ferrari on a joy ride than get on your bad side, so he’s out; and finally, because Mike habitually does something so painfully idiotic, I want to strangle him.”

“That was very good,” El complimented.

“Okay. So, what are you guys planning with Mike? El, are you planning on breaking up with him or something?”

“Not yet,” Max muttered.

El shot her a glare. “I am not breaking up with Mike. No. I am going to find out what score Mike will get.”

“I didn’t know you cared that much about Mike’s grades,” Dustin said, thoroughly confused.

“Not his grades. His score. On our test.”

Dustin blinked, uncomprehending.

“Here,” Max smiled, flipping the notebook around and shoving it across the table. “This’ll explain it.”

Inexplicably, a sprout of ominous dread rooted inside him. “Okay,” Dustin said, and set to reading whatever mysterious material he’d been provided.

THE BOYFRIEND TEST

1. He asks you how you’re feeling
a. Every time he sees you
b. At least twice a week
c. Once in a while
d. (Almost) never

2. For the things you’re interested in, he knows
a. Them inside and out
b. A decent number of them
c. Little about them
d. (Almost) nothing about them

3. When you’re together, he is
a. Completely focused on you
b. Mostly focused on you
c. Distracted
d. Uninterested

4. He compliments you
a. All the time
b. Frequently
c. Once in a while
d. (Almost) never

5. He tells you how much you mean to him
a. All the time
b. Frequently
c. Once in a while
d. (Almost) never

6. He kisses initiates kisses
a. Every time/usually
b. Frequently
c. Once in a while
d. (Almost) never

7. He gives you presents or other things
a. All the time
b. Frequently
c. Once in a while
d. (Almost) never

8. He is _____ invested in your relationship
a. Extremely
b. Decently
c. Not very
d. Not at all

A’s = 4 points, B’s = 3 points, C’s = 2 points, D’s = 1 point

Dustin’s mouth opened, but instead of speaking, his jaw merely wavered minutely before closing slowly again.

“You… wrote this. For Mike.”

Max scoffed. “No, we wrote it to survey Will’s treatment of his nonexistent girlfriend. Of course it’s for Mike.”

El took pity on Dustin and chimed in. “I told Max that Mike was not that bad a boyfriend, but we didn’t have any way to know. So, we made a test. And if Mike gets an ‘A,’ Max will never say Mike is a bad boyfriend again.”

“What?!” Max cried in disbelief. “We never agreed on that! Okay, fine. But if Mike fails, you have to break up with him.”

“That is not fair!” El protested heatedly.

“Honestly, that kinda does seem like a square deal,” Dustin commented.

“It sounds good to me. Okay, Dustin, we need you because figuring out what scores are in the A range, which ones would be B’s, and et cetera has been haunting me worse than Vecna.”

“You should not joke about that,” El protested.

“My near-death experience, my decision on when to flip that trauma out.” Max said cheerfully. “Anyway, what do you say, Dustin?”

The dread returned, newly grown from sapling to monstrous tree. You’re walking down an unknown path, it whispered. Once the die is cast, it cannot be rerolled.

Unfortunately, Dustin had never done well with heeding warning signs. “Why not? It’s just division. It’ll take me 20 minutes, maximum.”

It ended up taking 17.

32-29 points: A
28-26 points: B
25-23 points: C
22-20 points: D
19 and below: F

“It’s perfect,” El enthused.

“It’s exactly what we need,” Max said, energized. “Now, we just need to give it.”

Chapter Text

“You should do Lucas, then.”

Max raised an eyebrow. It was safe to assume that El hadn’t meant it euphemistically, but that didn’t give her any additional context.

“You should do the Boyfriend Test on him. If I am doing it on Mike. Only fair.”

“Oh,” Max said, realization dawning. “Yeah. Yeah, no, actually, that might be kinda fun.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. If he gets anything lower than an A, I can shove it in his face and demand he buys me candy and horror movies to compensate.”

“How good do you think he will do?” El queried.

“Hmm. High B. I hope, anyway. That means I can get gifts out of it.”

“Yes, I think Lucas will do pretty good, too.”

“You know I can make that whole agreement thing about dumping him if he fails too, right?” Max told her earnestly. “Really. Like you said, it’s only fair.”

El sighed glumly. “Lucas will not fail, so it does not matter anyway.”

“Who knows? We haven’t evaluated him yet.”

She got a half-hearted smile out of El, which was better than nothing. “Okay. If you agree.”

“Yeah. And you know what? We’ll test ‘em at the same time. No looking back on the past, just figuring out how well they’re doing now.”

El scanned the list of questions again, and a potential issue blinked into her awareness. “There are a lot of things here. It will be hard to keep track of all of them.”

“We can just do one at a time. Maybe a day for each question where we figure out their score.”

“No.” El said immediately. “These are about how often your boyfriend does things. A day is not enough time.”

“A few days, then?”

El nodded approvingly. “Maybe even a week.”

“Okay, but I think I’d prefer to stick to 5 days, tops. I don’t want this to take ages and ages.”

“We should do it together.”

Max blinked, befuddled. “Yeah, of course we’re doing this together.”

“No.” El sighed in exasperation. “We need to… to judge our boyfriends together. You and me will judge Mike, and you and me will judge Lucas.”

“Okay, I see what you mean. That makes sense. But we’d have to do it when we both can see Lucas or Mike, then.”

“Whenever we hang out, all of us together.”

“Perfect. I think that’s the rules decided, unless there’s something else.”

El’s face screwed up in thought before she shook her head guilelessly. “No. Just that we should be fair as possible to Mike and Lucas.”

“Agreed.”

RULES:

1. Boyfriends will be judged by two parties, one non-biased less biased
2. The answer to each question will be determined over multiple days, up to a week
3. Boyfriends will be judged fairly

---

The appraisal was set. It was time to determine how often their boyfriends asked about their wellbeing. El had successfully argued that a week was necessary to accurately survey the boys’ habits, considering the question itself had an option for twice a week. Max was confident to the point of unconcern. El, however, found herself in a strange miasma of dread and mischievous anticipation.

Ascertaining the boys’ reactions and responses would be aided heavily by a non-school setting, so weekends were a highly valuable resource. A group hangout was the best way to avoid suspicion, but, unfortunately, there wasn’t much that they all really did together besides save Hawkins. After thirty minutes of brainstorming, they finally decided on seeing a movie together. “The Dead Pool,” specifically, because they were all 16 (hell, Dustin and Max were 17) and it was the only movie being shown that showed the slightest hint of being above mediocrity. It was a little bit outside of the norm, considering usually the boys and Max watched movies together, but El pretended to have discovered a newfound interest in action movies and nobody (fortunately) asked any questions.

“Hey, Lucas.” Will said, and El and Max both snapped their heads over to watch Lucas making his way through the Saturday crowd.

Lucas greeted Will and El, then grinned at Max, lovestruck. “Hey, Max. How’re you doing?”

Max’s eyes brightened, and she gave a minute jolt of excitement. She shot El a gleeful look. “I am doing very well, Lucas, thank you, what about you?”

Lucas glanced cautiously between El and Max before answering. “Uh, good. Is there anything going-”

“Nope! Nothing at all. Business as usual.”

His expression remained wary, but he nodded slowly. “All… right.”

Will was looking between them with furrowed brows. Max tried her best to look innocent.

“Hey, guys,” Dustin said, popcorn in hand. “Any of you want popcorn?”

“Yes, that would be very nice,” El said, smiling.

“Well, too bad, because I bought this with my own, hard-earned dollars.”

“Hard-earned allowance, more like,” Lucas muttered.

“Hey!”

“Mike!”

Will’s shout brought El and Max’s attention quickly away from Lucas and Dustin’s quarreling. Mike made his way over, wallet already out. El thrilled; Mike was already planning on buying them popcorn to eat together!

“Hey, guys. Will, how’re you doing with that still life? Still driving you crazy?”

“Still driving me crazy,” Will affirmed, nodding solemnly. God, still lifes were dull. “How are you doing, Mike?”

“Oh, I’m fine, don’t worry. I was just being paranoid.”

“What are you talking about?” El asked, darting her eyes between them. “Better from what?”

“I thought I might have been starting to get food poisoning yesterday because I’d eaten the casserole Mom made a week ago for breakfast. Turned out to be nothing. Sorry about calling you for no reason, Will.”

“You ate casserole that was a week old.” Max deadpanned.

“It was Mrs. Wheeler’s enchilada casserole,” Will said, much to El and Max’s confusion. In Will’s mind, it was self-explanatory: Mike liked enchilada casserole, but he only liked it when it was a few days old and the various textures had become more equal. It stood as a monument to Mrs. Wheeler’s incredible skills as a cook that Mike was not only willing to eat, but actually liked a dish he couldn’t separate into its various components.

“Sure, okay,” Max muttered.

“And Mike, never feel bad about calling me, okay? I never don’t want to hear from you.”

Mike and Will smiled at each other for a long moment.

“It is good to see you, Mike. I am glad you are feeling better,” El interrupted, and she leaned in for a kiss.

When they separated, Mike gave her an oddly forced smile. “Um, El, no offense, but you remember the whole ‘Mike law’ you guys worked out, right?”

“Oh,” El said, disappointment edging her voice. “Yes. I remember.”

The Mike Law was a rule that had been drafted and implemented by El and Will soon after the Byers and Hoppers had returned to Hawkins. Essentially, Mike had to make sure to not ignore Will when he, Mike, and El were all together. Typically, they just didn’t hang out as a group anyway; El spent time with Mike on dates and Will pretty much hung out with Mike during all the free time that wasn’t taken up by dates.

“It’s okay, Mike. I mean, if it’s just this once-”

“What the hell? No. El, don’t we have a date next Sunday anyway?”

“Yes,” El admitted. She would have rather they go on weekly dates, but biweekly was what Mike said was the ‘best option.’

“Yeah. Uh, El, how about you just talk to Max, then?”

“Okay.” El said, her displeasure blatantly obvious. Well, to everyone except Mike, that was.

“Cool. Okay, Will, let’s get some sodas. I’ve already smuggled in the candy,” he said, winking at Will.

“Sounds good.”

As the two boys wandered off together, Dustin turned to El and Max with an awkward, forced smile. “Hey, uh, can I talk to you guys for a second?”

“What’s going on?” Lucas interjected.

“Just a little – um, thing I needed to clear up. Just take a minute. Come on.”

Dustin took a wrist from each girl and dragged them bodily to the movie posters.

“Are you guys doing that Boyfriend Quiz or whatever to Mike and Lucas?!”

“Boyfriend Test,” Max corrected. “And what’s with the surprise? You literally helped us with the grading.”

“That’s – I didn’t-” Dustin groaned with great burden. “Look, just Mike is one thing. But Lucas? He’s a good guy, and he really, really loves you, Max.”

“And if he does badly, then that wouldn’t matter,” Max hissed.

“Why would Mike be different than Lucas?” El asked.

Dustin winced as if the question had provoked physical pain. “Well… Mike has, objectively, been slightly… okay, a lot more at fault in your relationship and your fights and stuff than Lucas has. If you break up with Mike because of this test thing, I won’t feel that bad about it. But Max, with Lucas? I’d definitely feel shitty if I made that happen.”

“Lucas won’t fail.” El said confidently.

“He better not,” Max muttered.

“Fine. Okay. I’m going to take a wild guess and say that you won’t let me tell Mike and Lucas about this whole Boyfriend Test.”

“Oh, we’ll let you,” Max said brightly. “I’d just have to slit your throat in your sleep afterwards.”

Dustin gulped. “What if I value the intact state of my esophagus?”

“Well, then, you might want to think about not telling Lucas and Mike,” Max said, smiling gaily.

“You wouldn’t hurt him,” El stated, but she couldn’t belie the trace of doubt in her voice.

“I guess you could always take your chances, Dustin.”

He nodded slowly, face frozen in fear. “Your secret plan is safe with me.”

“Uh, are you guys done with your secret plan or whatever?” Lucas called. All three of them jumped.

“You – you what?” Dustin croaked, eyeing Max with terror.

“Are you guys done with whatever you’re talking about? Sorry, I didn’t mean to guess, but it’s pretty obvious it’s got something to do with my birthday.”

Max’s eyes widened. Of course, Lucas had his birthday on the 21st!

“Well, we can’t tell you, can we?” Max said slyly.

Lucas laughed. “I guess you can’t. But look, I’ve got popcorn.” He jiggled the bag in his hand. “And Mike and Will are already set up in there. C’mon.”

“I can’t tell you anything, Lucas, sorry,” Dustin said, unable to hide the relief in his voice.

“Uh, yeah, no problem.” Lucas said with a touch of confusion. But it seemed like extensive experience with life-threatening monsters skyrocketed your red flag tolerance, because he merely brushed it off and ushered them inside.

---

After four days had passed without a single inquiry from Mike into El’s wellbeing, she begged Max to let them evaluate their boyfriends over a full week.

“It’s in one of the options. ‘At least twice a week,’” El pointed out.

Max raised her hands in surrender.

By the end of the week, Mike had asked El how she was doing once; it occurred on Friday, and El had been staring at the floor, mournfully contemplating the possibility of Mike managing to truly prove himself to be the worse boyfriend possible. But it happened nonetheless. Meanwhile, Lucas had asked Max the same four times, and without any obvious triggers. It was challenging to the highest caliber not to feel jealous with such lopsided statistics, and Max had prepared herself for some passive-aggressive comments. Unfortunately, El quickly veered past envy and barreled into outright dejection. Max was forced to go to extreme measures.

“Mike might not ask if you’re doing okay, but he does his best to keep you feeling okay or boost your mood if you’re feeling bad.” Max said, trying her hardest not to grit her teeth.

“Yes,” El said wetly. “He does.”

“And I’m not saying that that’s a justification because he’s definitely not justified, he’s an unrepentant ass-” Max paused at El’s miserable expression. “But… he does care about you. Even if he doesn’t show it the right way.”

El’s lips twitched upwards, tantalizingly close to an actual smile. “Mike can be a little funny with people sometimes. He always stares at me the whole time I am talking but looks away when he talks.”

“Yeah, Mike’s dumb like that,” Max said, thrilled to get back to her usual agenda of denigrating Mike.

“Mike is not dumb. He is very smart. Yesterday, he told me me-die-val England had more… equal pay, from boss to worker, than they do now. He used different words. But he is definitely not dumb.”

Max sighed heavily, guilt leaking in. Why couldn’t Mike just be a touch more of an asshole so she could verbally flagellate him without mercy?

“He’s not dumb,” Max managed with great effort. “Just… dumb as a boyfriend.”

“Maybe just a little.”

“And hey, at least he didn’t get the lowest score. Hell, he only got a point lower than Lucas.”

El nodded, but she seemed distant. “It feels like it should be more than one point.”

Max privately agreed. “Just remember that he really does care about you, okay?”

El smiled at her softly. “Thank you, Max. You are the best best friend I could have.”

“Aww, you big softy,” Max teased, wrapping her into a hug and squeezing tight. El giggled in response, and Mike’s idiocy (thank fuck, Max thought) was temporarily offset.

---

QUESTION 1:

Lucas: 3 points
Mike: 2 points

COMPOSITE POINTS:

Lucas: 3 points
Mike: 2 points

Chapter Text

“What counts as our interests?”

Max eyed the other girl with caution, suspecting possible brain damage.

“Things that we like?” She replied, a teensy bit sardonically.

El sighed gratuitously. “No, no, for the test. Because there is no way Mike can say… specifically, what mine are.”

“That seems like a ‘him’ problem,” Max commented slyly. “I mean, what was this test made for? Definitely not for giving any dumb boy extra leaning room.”

“I know,” El whinged, and Max was such a good friend she was only mildly irritated by it. “But Mike is bad at knowing what other people like.”

Unbeknownst to the two girls, they both drew up the same memory: Mike, during lunch, asking Lucas (who was obsessed with Stevie Wonder and Michael Jackson) if he thought Prince was good. He’d received an unimpressed stare as an answer.

“Okay, okay, I see your point. How about… knowing the general area?”

El nodded evenly. “That seems fair. And Lucas can have the same.”

Lucas didn’t really need it, but it was thoughtful all the same. “Thanks, El.”

---

“A double date?” Mike said skeptically.

El fiddled with her sleeve and put maximum effort into abstaining from groaning aloud. “Yes.”

Mike’s face switched through a dozen different expression like a human flip book.

“Max said she’d really like it,” El attempted.

“It’s so much pressure with only Lucas and Max by us, though,” Mike complained.

El decided she was very glad they’d decided to conceal the implementation of the Boyfriend Test from Mike. She cleared her throat. “They won’t judge. They are our friends.”

“I know, but they’re such an obnoxiously perfect couple. It makes me look way worse as a boyfriend.”

El agreed completely. “What? No.”

Mike shook his head resolutely. “It does, though.”

Well, she’d already given denial a try, so maybe bargaining was the next best step. “If you go on a double date with Lucas and Max, we can only go on one date this month.”

Instantly, Mike perked up. “Really?”

“Yes.”

“Let’s do it!”

El felt an odd miasma of relief and rejection. “Okay. Good. What kind of date, then? Max would like if-”

“Isn’t she the one that wanted a double date in the first place? We should be able to pick what we want to do. What about having lunch at the Hillside Diner then going to the record store and picking up some stuff?”

Shock punched through El. “That… is actually a good idea.”

Mike’s brows furrowed starkly. “I do occasionally have good ideas, you know.”

“Yes, you do, it is just that the last time you had an idea for a date-”

“I still don’t know why you thought that was such a crazy idea.”

El stared. “You suggested that Will should join us when we went to the movies.”

“That was before we had the Mike Rule figured out!” Mike emphasized, hands waving.

That actually wasn't what the Mike Rule dictated, but she knew explaining was useless. With a heavy heart, El resolved to give up the effort. It was like trying to reason with a pigeon.

“When should we do the double date?” El asked, changing the subject.

“Oh, Saturday,” Mike said with certainty.

“What time?”

“Lunch at 11:30, Riley’s Records at noon.” Unprecedented anticipation laced his words.

El blinked, suspicious. But maybe Mike actually was capable of being excited by a date. Wasn’t the whole point of the Boyfriend Test to determine if Mike could prove himself to be a better boyfriend than first assumed?

“…Okay.”

---

“Y’know,” Max remarked, pausing between bites of her BLT. “Lately, El’s been on this mission to get me to watch her favorite movies.”

El almost denied Max’s words to her face, but Max’s pointed look brought her to the sudden realization that this was a deliberate ruse. She nodded along.

“And obviously, mine and El’s favorite movies are a world apart – right, Lucas?”

He laughed. “Yeah, I don’t think horror’s your scene, El. And Max, you can deny it all you want, but I know you figure out your absolute favorites based on how many screams they get in the theater.”

Max raised her hands in surrender, an insuppressible smile on her face. “Busted.”

“Okay, except for Close Encounters of the Third Kind- hey!” Max had elbowed him sharply, glowering. “Sorry, sorry, I know you hate acknowledging it. But I know it’s one of your favorites.”

“Shut up,” Max scoffed, rolling her eyes. She didn’t look very bothered.

“Wow, Max, you seriously like Spielberg? What’d you think about E.T.?”

Max fixed Mike with a painfully exasperated stare. “That’s kid stuff. I don’t care.”

“Wh- but Close Encounters is kid stuff t-”

“Don’t you dare!” Max shouted, drawing concerned looks from the handful of other diners.

“Whatever,” Mike muttered.

“So, anyway, that’s a pretty big difference, right, Mike? Between my favorites and El’s. You know El’s favorites, right?”

Mike’s expression shifted from boredom and mild irritation to confusion and panic.

Max, exultant, leaned forward in her seat as she smiled gleefully at Mike. “You do… know El’s favorite movies, right?”

“Of – of course I do,” Mike blustered unconvincingly.

“You know my favorite movie, Mike, right?”

Mike gulped. “U-um, E.T.?”

Burdened sighs sounded around the table.

“No. It is ‘The Last Unicorn.’”

“Wha- like, that movie Holly plays on repeat?”

El frowned at him. “Don’t you remember when Holly’s friend Gina moved away last summer? She did not have any friends, so I hung out with her for a while. She showed me ‘The Last Unicorn’ and ‘The Aristocats’ and ‘Lady and the Tramp.’ And Holly made more friends later, so we did not have to hang out as much, but ‘The Last Unicorn’ stayed my favorite movie.”

“O-oh. Right.”

The three gave Mike a few seconds to gather up the meager scraps of his dignity.

“Sorry, El,” Mike apologized, refusing to meet her gaze. “I’m not good at remembering other people’s… stuff.”

“It’s okay, Mike.” She didn’t really feel like it was, though. It felt like bitter disappointment that in their test, Lucas was beating Mike with a humiliating margin. “It doesn’t matter.”

Mike, El, and Lucas all squirmed. Max did her best to not feel too smug.

Lucas reached into his bag of conversation topics and pulled out his over-used and infamous go-to. “So, um, how about that last game of mine, huh?”

“Lucas!”

---

Mike seemed oddly concerned about the time, rushing them out the door the second Lucas, the slowest eater of them all, had finished his last bite. As they walked to Riley’s Records, Mike seemed to rejuvenate with every step. Max alternated between eying him with mild suspicion and eying him with extreme suspicion.

When they reached the small shop, nestled between two others in worn scarlet brick, Mike immediately leaped to attention. “Oh, sweet!”

Max gave a deadpan look to El, who pouted briefly before glancing over to Mike, who was already making his way through the door.

“Wait up!” El called, prompting Mike to startle and hold open the door for her. She looked back to Max with satisfaction. Max rolled her eyes but mentally conceded the point.

As they walked inside, El, Max, and Lucas all ruminated on Mike’s odd change of spirits. Questions sprung into each of their minds (except for Max’s, which was a singular ‘What the fuck?’). Their confusion was expunged once they’d caught eye of a certain boy peeling through records.

“Will!”

He jerked in surprise, head quickly turning towards the door. Upon seeing Mike and the rest of them, he doubled back in astonishment. “I – I thought that you weren’t going to come today.”

“Surprise! I asked if we could go here after we ate so that I’d make it.”

“Oh, thanks,” Will said, face flushing slightly.

“Usual time?” El asked, confused.

“We meet here at noon every other Saturday to look through the records and see if any stuff we like is in.”

“Oh, that makes sense.” El said. Mike and Will could talk about music for hours together, to the point where there was an unofficial ban of the two talking about their music tastes in front of the rest of the Party.

Will gave a soft laugh. “I don’t know why I thought you had a date today.”

“I did. We’re still on it.”

Will gaped at him in stark horror.

“No, no, don’t worry! I’m still following the Rule. I’ll just go look through the alt rock with you while El and Max look for that girly stuff they listen to.”

As irritated as El was by Mike transforming their date into a Will-and-Mike hangout, she knew an opportunity when she saw one. Max, whose eyes were already locked to her face, seemed to have had the same idea.

“What do you mean, ‘girly stuff?’” El asked boldly.

Mike faltered. “Like… girl singers. Right?”

It wasn’t strictly inaccurate. El’s favorite singer was Madonna, with Janet Jackson a close second. Contrary to Mike’s assumption, though, she also loved the Pet Shop Boys and the Bee Gees.

“And?”

Max looked to El with a pastiche of admiration and malicious excitement.

“And… some weird, kinda spooky alternative stuff?”

“You’re thinking of Max. Sometimes we will listen to music together, and we swap between hers and mine. I like Madonna, Janet Jackson, Pet Shop Boys, Whitney Houston, and the Bee Gees.”

Mike nodded, shamefaced.

“Really, man? You thought El was into Siouxsie and the Banshees and Kate Bush?”

“How am I supposed to know the – the intricacies of El’s music taste?”

“It would be nice if you paid enough attention to know a little.” El murmured.

“Maybe I should go,” Will said, looking nervously to the door like a scared dog.

“No! Don’t go! Look, El, I’m sorry I didn’t know about your music taste. I – I’ll try to pay better attention. Michael Jackson and the Pet Shop Boys, got it.”

“Janet Jackson,” El corrected.

Mike smacked a hand to his forehead. “Right!” Abruptly, his eyes widened and he looked quickly from side to side. “Will? Will!”

He was a good 15 feet away and walking towards the door, but upon Mike’s eruption, he paused.

“What are you doing?” Mike’s voice was painfully petulant.

“Mike, you need to spend time with your girlfriend. You just said that you wanted to pay better attention to El’s music taste; this is the perfect spot for you guys to discuss that.”

“But we haven’t even looked to see if ‘Document’ is here yet. R.E.M.’s literally your second favorite band of all time, there’s no way I’m not helping you look!”

Will smiled fondly. “I already looked. It’s not here. I even asked Jake, and he said that they didn’t have it in stock.”

Mike’s crestfallen expression seemed disproportionally extreme to El and Lucas. Max, on the other hand, found it hilarious.

“Oh. I – I’m sorry I missed it.”

“Just enjoy your date, Mike. I’ll bike over to your house at 3, how about that?”

Mike nodded reluctantly.

“Good. See you then. Bye, Mike.”

“Bye, Will,” Mike said miserably, his eyes following Will as he made his way out the door.

The moment the door closed, Max leaped to attention. “So, Mike, what do you know about Madonna?”

“She’s… blonde?”

---

After a lazy Sunday, Max and El reconvened Monday morning to report their scores. It had only been a couple of days, and with only two interactions with their boyfriends apiece, but they’d gotten plenty of material even in the brief timespan.

“I think Mike deserved a 0, honestly, but I’ll be nice and bring it up to a 1.”

“A 1 is already the lowest option,” El said with a frown.

“Whatever. Anyway, what did you think?”

“A 2?” The uplift in El’s voice at the end turned the statement into a question.

Max stared, wordlessly pleading for her to give up the ghost. El reluctantly acquiesced. “Okay, a 1.”

“So, for Lucas, I thought that he should get either a 3 or a 4. What do you think? Like, he knew me well enough that I think he sort of deserves a 4, but maybe I’m just biased.”

“A 4.” El said decidedly.

“You really think so?”

El smiled at the unusual bashfulness in Max’s tone. “Absolutely.”

QUESTION 2:

Lucas: 4 points
Mike: 1 point

COMPOSITE POINTS:

Lucas: 7 points
Mike: 3 points

Chapter Text

“Well, I guess this one will be a little more fair for you.”

“Our boyfriends get the same questions,” El deadpanned. “They are all fair.”

Max groaned exaggeratedly. “You know what I mean, El.”

“Yes, I do.”

“It’s a pity that you can’t go on a date with Mike until next week. It’d definitely make it easier.”

El grinned widely. “Actually, Mike willgo on a date with me. After the record shop, I told him that it didn’t count because of how he turned it into a not-date and I made him promise to go out on a double date again this week to make up for it.”

Max nodded approvingly. “Nicely done. I gotta admit, I never thought you’d join my philosophy that dating’s a strategy game.”

“You don’t actually believe that. Maybe for Mike, but not for Lucas. You love him.” El jested.

“I – I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Max lied, her face flushed as flaming red as her hair.

“You can deny it all you want, but I know you feel just as gross and gushy to Lucas as the other couples you make fun of. I’m your best friend, Max. I know things.”

“Drop the subject.” Max demanded.

El’s lips twitched. “If you insist.”

“So, um, I guess this round will be done by the end of Friday, then?”

“That is not enough time.” El frowned.

Max’s expression twisted in bafflement. She had no clue how 4 days, one including a double date, wouldn’t be enough to determine if Mike was obsessed with El. That observation had been firmly established years ago.

“What are you talking about?”

El stared at her, slightly miffed. “If the Party is there, Mike gets distracted.”

“But – the whole reason we made the Mike Rule was because he got so distracted by you!”

“Max…” El’s tone was weary. “We made the Mike Rule when we were 15. That was when I thought that it only went one way.”

“What do you mean?” Max asked, flummoxed.

El sighed grandly. Max waited with unbelievable patience.

“Before we moved back, I had only seen Mike and Will together a handful of times.” El began.

“What does Will have to do with it?”

El glared. Max quieted, mildly impressed at the other girl’s resolve.

“I do not think I can explain it very well. They are just… Mike and Will.”

“Okay, that gives me exactly zero help.” Max said bluntly. “Why don’t you try, like, a metaphor or something? You know metaphors.” It was a statement that stood simultaneously as a question.

“Yes,” El answered. “Okay. I will think of a metaphor for me, Mike, and Will.”

Max waited patiently as El cycled through various objects, finally landing on an appropriate comparison.

“Okay. I think I have something.”

“Yeah?”

“The earth revolves around the sun, and the sun is one star out of many stars.” El stated. “Will is the sun, Mike is the earth, and I am the stars. Sometimes, the stars are very easy to see, and it looks like that is all that is there. But really, the earth is still revolving around the sun, and when day comes, you can’t see the stars anymore.”

There was a brief silence as the other girl inputed the metaphor.

“Wow.” Max said. “So, when Will’s around, Mike can’t pay attention to you? I thought it was the other way around. You’re still not making sense.”

“Max,” El whined plaintively, “I am making perfect sense. Mike always looks completely focused on me during dates, but he always has Will in the back of his mind. I think that Will going missing and then getting possessed made Mike like this. He is so used to Will being in danger, that he does not know how to act normally around him or not think about him so much.”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” Max agreed. “I mean, Lucas still worries about me, and it’s been a year and a half since we kicked Vecna’s ass.”

“It is still annoying.” El admitted, frustrated with herself. “Even though I should not be annoyed.”

“Hey,” Max said, picking up on El’s inner turmoil. “Trauma can be the answer, but it’s not Wite-out. Mike being annoying because of trauma doesn’t make him any less annoying. There’s nothing wrong with getting irritated by him. Got it?”

“Got it.” El smiled for a moment, until a new thought made it slip off her face. “Sometimes I think that… that I don’t care as much about Mike as I used to. That I don’t care enough.”

“That’s not true, El.” Max defended her passionately. “You’ve told him you love him so many times, you treat him with kindness, respect, all that stuff, and you put up with his dumbassery! That’s an insane amount of caring!”

“I think I care more about Mike being a good boyfriend than I do about Mike being my boyfriend.” El murmured shamefully.

Max put a hand on El’s arm, catching her attention. “Hey. That doesn’t mean you care about him any less. Me? I’ve been kind of a dick to Lucas, breaking up with him just because I was depressed or because you broke up with Mike. And I’ve apologized to him for it, and he’s forgiven me. The whole reason I took the bet of dumping Lucas if he got a bad score is because I know he won’t get a bad score. All of that is just to say if you break up with Mike, that doesn’t mean you don’t still care about him.”

“Do you really think so?” El’s voice was quiet, almost lost. She was holding onto Max’s support like a lifeline.

Max smiled. “A thousand percent.”

---

Unfortunately, El did not decide to break up with Mike at the nearest convenience. Instead, El insisted that she liked being in a relationship, and she didn’t want to break up until she had a solid reason to. Max’s reasoning that Mike himself was a solid reason to break up with him was tragically ignored.

“Thursday night.” Lucas asserted as Max furtively stole one of his fries. “That’s the only way I can do it. I’ve got a ton of homework for tomorrow, we’ve got long practices on Wednesdays and Fridays, and I’ve got a game Saturday and an essay due Monday.”

“Junior year sucks,” Mike grumbled, glancing over at Will sitting two feet away from him. Will smiled, prompting a returning grin and a huff of laughter from Mike, and they stared at each other for a long moment.

El was right. Mike really does revolve around him. I wonder if El and I would be that close if we met when we were 5.

“What if we did the arcade? We could teach you how to play.” Max suggested, mainly to El.

“Wha?” Mike said, sounding almost drunk. He finally broke eye contact with Will, who flushed red. “Arcade?”

“That sounds good to me.” El interjected.

“Arcade, Thursday night. Sounds good to me.” Lucas said, smiling. Max snuck another fry off his tray.

“Do you guys have to do this here? And what’s with the obsession with double dates all the sudden?” Dustin interrupted loudly.

“Where else could we set this up, Dustin? It’s four people; we can’t do it over the phone. Mike is incapable of making it before the bell rings, let alone getting up early, and he spends all his time with Will outside of school. Lucas has practice. When else could we arrange it, Henderson? Please, inform me.”

“You don’t have to be a jerk about it,” Dustin muttered. “I’m just saying, me and Will are just kinda stuck here doing jack-all while you guys blab about your dates.”

“Will? Do you – do you feel left out?” Mike asked worriedly, his voice soft as he stared at the boy next to him.

“No. N-no, I’m fine.” Will stuttered, trapped in the other boy’s gaze.

“‘Fine?’ You’re violating the Rule, Mike!” Dustin interrupted.

“The Mike Rule is about Mike ignoring Will for me, not Mike talking to me, Max, and Lucas while you and Will are here.”

“These double dates are stupid. It’s like a group hangout, but exclusively for couples.” Dustin groused. And suddenly, the idea came to him in a brilliant solar flare. “Actually, you know what? Maybe Will and I should do our own thing Thursday night, as bachelors.”

“What? That’s ridiculous!” Mike protested, outraged.

“I think it sounds nice. Maybe we could go to the quarry so you could look at rocks and I could draw. I’ve got a natural art piece due next week I haven’t started.”

Mike gaped at him in utter betrayal. The Party could practically hear the et tu, Will? echoing in his mind.

“That is a good idea! That way, we will all spend time with friends.”

“But it’s not fair!”

“Mike,” Will started, unable to drop the burgeoning frustration from his tone. “It’s not fair for you, El, Lucas, and Max to be doing stuff together while Dustin and I are left in the dust.”

His words earned him a recalcitrant look from Mike, but the other boy neglected to comment; he simply closed his eyes, sighed, and nodded his head with all the dead-eyed resignation of a man receiving a draft letter.

“Cool.” Dustin said, purposely ignoring Mike’s despondence. “Well, I guess we’ll have to tell each other how much fun we had afterwards, huh?”

“Huh.” Mike intoned murderously.

---

It was clear from the moment El, Lucas, and Max laid eyes on him that Mike had entered a fugue state.

“Hey, man! You’re, um, 23 minutes late.”

Mike eyed him with a desperate, harrowed expression.

“Um, never mind.”

“Mike, Max has already been showing me how to play Dig Dug.”

“Cool, El,” Mike said, outfitting a forced-looking smile. “I’m sure the reigning champ has all kinds of tricks for you to learn.”

“Oh, you wish I earned the top score through cheats. Ever thought about the possibility that maybe you just suck, Wheeler?”

Mike gave the weak laugh of a housewife trying to deal with her husband’s obnoxious work buddies. “Sure, maybe.”

“Well, are you going to show your girlfriend any other games, then?” Max prompted.

Mike revived slightly. “Yeah, yeah, El, come on, you want to try to get a toy at the claw game? I bet you could get one easy with your power-”

Three furious stares fixed upon him.

“Erm, powers of great… skill! Um. Yeah, let’s go.”

El took to the claw machine like a duck to water, operating the joystick easily, if fruitlessly. She gave a frustrated groan as the toy, a stuffed rabbit in purple and pink, fell roughly from the steel claws back into the pile. A telltale gleam lit her eyes.

Lucas and Max looked surreptitiously over their shoulders as the toy raised independently from the mountain of plushies and moved through the air, finally falling at the left-hand side and appearing seconds later in the drop box. El wiped the blood from her nose with the back of her hand and beamed.

Max took the opportunity to look over at Mike and found him staring blankly at the floor, disassociated from the proceedings.

“Mike.”

He jolted, his head snapping up almost painfully. “Wh-what?”

“Uh, your girlfriend just won a prize?”

Mike’s eyes darted to the rabbit in El’s arms. “Oh. That’s great, El.”

“‘Great,’” El repeated dubiously. “You really think so? You do not look like you believe it.”

“Of course I think it’s great, El - even if it’s technically cheating.”

“Hey, hey, cheating?” Max interjected, indignant.

“I mean, it was kind of cheating, Max,” Lucas muttered.

“No, it’s called being resourceful.” Max emphasized.

“…You do realize cheating counts as being resourceful, right?”

“Shut up, Lucas.” Max said lightly. She eyed the concessions stand, feeling thirsty. Lucas followed her gaze.

“Do you guys want to get drinks and snacks?”

Max grinned at Lucas. “That would be great.”

---

“You were very distracted today,” El told him.

Mike groaned, tilting his head back onto the headrest. “Can’t you just let me drive you home?”

“It is not fair to me for you to be so distracted during our date.”

“Oh.” Mike’s chin dropped slightly; shame written into his expression. “Yeah. You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“What will you do to make it up to me?”

Mike’s face twisted in unease. “Um, pick you flowers, I guess?”

“That would be nice,” El admitted. “But I would prefer something more like… you going on a double date every week for the next 4 weeks?”

He adopted a depleted expression. "Is that... is that what it'd take?"

El worried at her lip. She had planned on introducing the concept as a non-negotiable, but she was far from adamantine in anything concerning emotions. Besides, Mike's puppy-dog eyes were one of the most potent guilt-inducers she knew.

"Why do you not want to?"

Mike sighed. "I just... I don't like leaving Will out of it. We promised to become best friends again after Vecna, and these double dates are giving me flashbacks of when we were idiot 13-year-olds and spent way too much time with each other."

"You are right," El admitted. "We - we do not have to go on more double dates. Maybe... maybe you could just promise to do more, to be less distracted and a better boyfriend.

"Really?" Mike stared at her with wide, imploring brown eyes.

El nodded, and Mike broke out into a wide grin. “Thank you!” He leaned in to peck her, and El grabbed his arm and pulled him closer to her over the divider, kissing him deeply.

Mike gave an odd laugh when they separated. He was always so awkward when they kissed. “Yeah, um, I have to be honest, the reason I’ve been so distracted today is because of Will. I can’t believe he and Dustin are going on some stupid bro-date right now. I could have gone to the quarry. And I know it’s all because of, um..."

"I understand, Mike." She really did.

“I really am sorry about all this. I’ve been a total – um, jerk. And Will explained to me that arranging our date to see him partway through was, um, rude? To you? So, I’m sorry for that, too.”

“It’s okay, Mike. I know that some… people things can be hard for you. They can be hard for me, too, even so long after the lab.”

Mike smiled wistfully. “I think that’s why we bonded so easily, y’know? We both kind of feel like aliens sometimes.”

“I think so, too.”

"You know what? I probably do owe you flowers, don't I?"

El pursed her lips, then cracked a smile. "It wouldn't hurt."

---

“I guess that was slightly decent,” Max admitted reluctantly.

El frowned at her. “Slightly? He apologized for everything!”

“You mean, doing the bare minimum? He’s such a tool.”

“Max,” El said warningly. “Don’t be mean. Mike is just… off, sometimes, from other people.”

“Look, I get that trauma does weird shit to people. Hell, it turned me into this ghost of a person even before Vecna tried to kill me. But that doesn’t mean that he gets this free pass to be a dickhead.”

“I do not think this is because of the trauma.” EL said thoughtfully. “Will told me that Mike’s brain has always been a little ‘weird.’ He gets very focused on some things but doesn’t care about anything else, he understands sarcasm only when he does it, and he doesn’t understand other people’s feelings sometimes.”

“Huh. Yeah. Do you think he’s, like, got some kind of disorder?”

“No.” El said with certainty. “Mike did not talk until he was 2 and a half, and his mom and dad had him go to a psy-chi-a-trist.” She sounded out the word with care. “And he told them that Mike had some ‘social difficulties,’ but he wasn’t bad enough to get a… to have… something. I think it was autist?”

“Something like that.” Max agreed. “Hey, uh, I don’t mean to knock on Mike for stuff he can’t control, alright? I only want to eviscerate him for the shitty things he does deliberately.”

“Please don’t kill Mike. And yes, I understand. Mike does do dumb things sometimes, even if he does make up for them. He is not the worst boyfriend.” El neglected to mention that he wasn’t exactly the best, either.

Max looked to the other girl carefully. “You do know that it’s okay if you take him back after you have to dump him in a few weeks, right? I don’t want to force you or anything.”

“I know.” El said, slightly lost in thought. What would it be like to not have a boyfriend? “I think… it might be good for me to have a… a solid reason to break up.”

“I was kind of hoping that was the case,” Max replied, relieved. “So, how many days until we decide their score?”

“We have already had 3 days. I do not think we need any more.”

Max certainly wasn’t going to argue with El deciding Mike’s score before he got the chance to clean up his act. “I agree. So, um, I actually think Lucas should get a 4. He asked if we wanted to get stuff to drink just because I looked over at the counter because I was thirsty. And he’s always making sure I haven’t gotten depressed again.”

“Lucas deserves a 4.” El agreed.

“So, Mike…”

“A 3.”

Max’s eyebrows raised. “That high?”

El scoffed at her. “Yes. He was very focused on me when he was apologizing before he drove me home.”

“Yeah, but El, you have to admit he was pretty distracted for the last two dates.”

El sighed. “A 2?”

Max grinned.

QUESTION 3:

Lucas: 4 points
Mike: 2 points

COMPOSITE POINTS:

Lucas: 11 points
Mike: 5 points

Chapter Text

Dustin cornered them the moment the Party had gathered outside El and Lucas’ lockers - their typical after-school meeting spot, determined with the faultless logic that they were the only ones of the group with lockers located within a radius of 50 feet.

“I need to talk to you. Privately.”

El and Max exchanged glances.

What is he doing?

I have zero clue.

Dustin, deciding that the five seconds of waiting had tested his patience to the brink, took a wrist from each girl and pulled them into an open classroom, shutting the door behind him.

“Dustin! What the hell?!” Will called, incensed.

Max, Will, and Dustin’s eyebrows rose at the roughly biannual occasion of a curse word crossing Will’s lips.

“I am fine! Do not worry!” El called.

“Man, you guys really are siblings,” Max marveled.

“Right, okay, so we’re obviously too close to the door. Come over here.”

They followed Dustin to the back of the classroom. He stopped, sat on top of a desk, and gave them a disapproving stare.

“It’s come to my attention that the two of you are doing your… boyfriend test on Lucas and Mike.” He said gravely.

Max and El stared.

“Dustin, you literally already complained about this. How the hell could it ‘come to your attention’ if you already knew?”

“Well, I’m sorry that your weird little test thing slipped my mind after I got obliterated during Will’s latest campaign!”

Max scoffed. “Uh, not our fault you have a Swiss cheese memory.”

“My memory is fantastic! You want me to name the 5 most prominent code writers for the moon landing?”

“I definitely don’t.”

“Dustin, what else did you want to tell us about the Boyfriend Test?” El said calmly.

His expression tightened as his gaze dropped to the floor. “I…”

“Well? Spit it out, Henderson.”

“I want to join, okay?” Dustin blurted angrily.

El stared. Max, on the other hand, perked up like a cat spotting a wounded bird.

“Oh, so our test isn’t ‘offensive’ as long as you’re involved in it?”

El giggled. “You make it sound like Dustin has a boyfriend, too.”

Max brightened. “Well, he did just go on a date with Will to the quarry, didn’t he?”

“Shut up, both of you!” Dustin snapped. “It wasn’t like that, obviously; half the girls at this joint would probably riot. And for the record, we barely even talked at all.”

“We’re just kidding, Dusty-buns, lighten up.”

“Why do you want to join?” El asked, puzzled.

“Yeah, why do you want to join now, anyway?”

“I may have realized that the operation would be…” Dustin sighed with great pain. “Extremely funny.”

“Thank you!” Max yelled.

“What the hell are you guys doing in there?” Mike shouted through the door.

“Okay. Dustin, meet us at El and Will’s place in half an hour. Let’s plan this shit out.”

---

The Boyfriend Test laid between the three of them like a Ouija board, imbued with an inexplicable, supernatural force that permeated the very air. To break the spell, Dustin focused deliberately on the sloppy, vaguely legible scrawl that marred the pages, courtesy of one Max Mayfield.

With a sweep of his hand, Dustin snatched the topmost piece of paper. He scanned the grading system, listed grades, and the rules Max and El had determined, then raised his eyebrows, impressed. “You didn’t have these rules the last I saw this.”

“We needed to set some standards so that there wouldn’t be any bias or inaccurate judging,” Max explained.

Dustin gave an impressed hum. “You guys got professional with this, huh?”

“Shut up,” Max said sweetly. “I wanted to make sure that there wasn't any chance El would protest the results. As in, the results of Mike failing miserably.”

“You do not know that for sure,” El challenged.

“I’m very aware that certain ones of us are on ‘Team Mike’ and certain ones are… not. But that doesn’t matter. I’m guessing that Max, you’re the ‘less biased’ observation party for Mike’s evaluation and El, you’re serving as Lucas’s, right?”

El blinked, surprised by the strength of Dustin’s professional affect, and nodded.

“No duh,” Max answered.

Dustin looked at them dubiously. “Both of you are highly biased. If anything, that invalidates the-”

“Are you kidding me?” Max howled in outrage. “Do you have any idea how much work this stuff is? We had to get Mike to go on double dates, which was like pulling teeth, and then we had to deal with the fallout with him whining about how Will felt left out!”

“Hey, hey!” Dustin exclaimed, glancing at her with mild trepidation. “Uh – look, the reason I bring it up is because I believe that I could assist. Provide insider information, if you will.”

The girls stared at him.

“You’re gonna play the secret agent for us?” Max asked, impressed.

“Don’t – phrase it like that, jeez,” Dustin grumbled. “But essentially, yes.”

“Aw, Dustin, you double-timing bastard, thank you so much!”

“Dustin is not a ‘bastard,’” El sighed.

“Thank you, El. It’s nice to know that one of you values my friendship.”

“Friendship…” Max murmured, ignoring Dustin’s silent plea for amicable relations in favor of zeroing in on one word. “That could be it.”

El furrowed her brows. “What could be?”

-

“Hey Mike, hey Will,” Dustin greeted.

They turned their heads towards him from where they were standing outside of Mike’s locker. Essentially, though, it was Mike and Will’s locker, as Mike had readily encouraged Will to use it as a proxy for his own starting in their sophomore year. As retribution, Will allowed Mike to steal various articles of his clothing. Mike was currently wearing a blue, green, and yellow flannel, Will’s usual spare, slung loosely over his narrow shoulders.

“Hey, Dustin.”

“Hey.”

“So, um, I was thinking that we need to plan a surprise party for Lucas.”

“A surprise party?” Will asked, brows raised. “You guys haven’t done any surprise parties, except for-”

“-mine in freshman year, yeah,” Mike finished. “Are we really throwing one for Lucas? He’s had a party with his basketball buddies and a D&D game afterwards with us to celebrate his last two birthdays; I feel like he’s just going to want to do that again this year.”

“I agree,” Will said.

He took a breath. “Well, Max, El, and I thought that maybe this year, we should throw a surprise party ourselves. Maybe we’ll invite Lucas’s basketball friends, I don’t know. Um, but Max and El wanted to talk to me in particular about one element of it, so I’ll probably be hanging out with them sometimes to figure it out.”

“What? Why not involve us?” Mike asked, clearly taken by offence.

Dustin was not known for his furtiveness. It was rather the opposite. That unfortunate fact was what made the deception so incredible difficult to facilitate.

“Um… because you and Will aren’t the best at… keeping secrets.”

Will gave a huff of laughter, darkly amused by Dustin’s certainty.

“Really?” Mike asked.

“Yeah! You guys are always super honest. Lucas already suspects the surprise party, but I want to keep most of the specifics between me, El, and Max. Sorry.”

“That’s okay,” Will said kindly.

“I think it’s stupid-” Will looked at Mike pointedly, and Mike reluctantly put on the brakes. “-But I guess it makes sense. As long as we can be involved to plan at least some of it.”

“Of course!” Dustin said, thrilled. Mike was the one that Max and El really needed extra eyes and ears on. “Yeah, I still want your help. There’s just something Max and El want to make sure Lucas doesn’t find out about.”

Will’s brows furrowed deeply with suspicion. Mike, guileless, nodded easily.

“Okay,” Will said, eying Dustin carefully. Dustin tried his hardest not to sweat.

“Cool!” Mike added. He adopted a look of enthusiasm. “Hey, did you know that the idea of ‘witch-burnings’ in America is almost completely wrong? In Europe, burning at the stake was common for accused witches, but in the Salem Witch Trials, most of the victims died by hanging, and none were burned at the stake. Also, there were very few other deaths from accusations of witchcraft in North America; almost all of the death toll is from Europe.”

“Huh,” Dustin said, wishing in vain for Mike’s droning on medieval history to be over.

“That’s really neat, Mike.” Will said, smiling.

Mike’s grin filled his face. “I know, right? And listen to this…”

---

Lucas’s party was planned without much effort. It would be located at Ian Miller’s house, another basketball buddy, for the express reason that his parents were out of town for their 20th wedding anniversary. It would feature a red velvet cake, Lucas’s favorite, and they would have to invite at least Theo, Neil, and Ryan, the three boys that were clearly the closest to Lucas. Well, that and because they were the only members of the team any of the five could recall by name.

Unfortunately, Dustin, Max, and El were now laden with two weighty tasks: to gather data to properly assess Mike and Lucas on question 4, and to figure out some kind of special surprise for Lucas’s birthday that would excuse their clandestine meetings.

“We really need to get on this question. I would prefer we finish by the end of the week.”

“Including Saturday? That’s probably a good idea; Lucas will probably give you plenty of compliments when he’s tipsy.”

“True,” Max said, laughing lightly. On Lucas’s 16th birthday, he’d drunk three cans of beer at the party the basketball guys had thrown for him and had practically showed Max off all night, telling people blurrily ‘Can you believe this is my girlfriend?’

“Mike doesn’t get drunk,” El said slowly.

“We could see if we can change his mind. Maybe then he’ll be doling them out.”

“Mike compliments me,” El defended, wounded.

“When you change your look. He doesn’t give you compliments on the regular.”

El deflated slightly, then brightened. “You are right. But I think that I can get Mike to compliment me without getting him drunk.”

“It might be funny to do it anyway,” Dustin suggested less than surreptitiously.

“It definitely might,” Max said, a gleam in her eye.

---

To his infinite gratitude, Theo, the basketball guy who was probably the closest to Lucas, had a brilliant suggestion.

“What if you got a keg? Y’know, so he can do a keg stand. That’d be cool.”

It solved two problems; it served as a (slightly redundant) element of surprise within the surprise party, and it provided an even greater opportunity to get Mike tipsy/drunk and squeeze some compliments out of him. Hell, maybe it would get him a little more riled up, too: Dustin was man enough to admit that El had a banging body, and yet, Mike only seemed interested in chaste kisses and, at most, a hand around her cinched waist. It was like Arthur using the Sword solely as a letter-opener.

When he brought the idea up to Max and El, they both approved it, sighting the same wide realm of favorable possibilities that erupted from its inclusion. It was decided. Now, all they had to do was wait two days.

In the meantime, Dustin decided to exercise a newly dire yet sorely lacking ability of espionage. He was even more grateful than usual for El’s refusal to use her powers to spy on people (Dustin had a deeply concerning suspicion she’d caught him, Lucas, or Will in the midst of a certain stimulating activity). He liked being useful for people, especially if it meant that he could subtly boost the scores of two of his best friends.

“Hey, uh, Mike, I’ve gotta say, I’ll never understand how you managed to bag Eleven. I mean, it just boggles the mind.”

“Gee, thanks,” Mike muttered, closing the lid of their D&D box with a little more emphasis than necessary.

“Dustin,” Will protested, a frown on his face. Dustin felt a stirring of guilt.

“I agree completely,” Erica said cheerily. “Why the hell is she still with you? I’d rather date a goblin. At least a goblin wouldn’t drag his feet to go on dates with me.”

“Hey!”

“That’s such an awful – and unreasoned - thing to say. Come on, Erica.” Will interjected. Mike smiled brightly at his defense.

Terrence, their sub for Lucas, frowned. “It’s a valid question, though I disagree that a goblin would make a better dating partner.”

“Being sarcastic,” Erica said with a sigh, and Terrence and Mike’s eyes both lit up in realization.

“Oh.”

“Oh.”

Dustin wasn’t focused on Terrence and Mike: too preoccupied with the simple fact that his plan was falling into shambles. He needed to prompt Mike more directly. “I wasn’t trying to knock on you! Sorry, I just meant, like, she’s gorgeous, right?”

Mike blinked at him. “She’s pretty, yeah.”

Boom! Mike’s getting at least a 2 now.

“And it’s true; I’m not sure why she’s dating me either. I’d be an idiot not to date her.”

“Don’t worry; you’re an idiot either way,” Erica said. Mike scowled.

“Mike’s not an idiot. Being slightly stupid sometimes doesn’t make him an idiot.”

“Will,” Mike whinged, his grin giving his true feelings away. “You’re so mean to me.”

“He treats you like royalty, Mike, shut up.”

“What would I be, then? Some saucy servant boy?”

“Can you nerds shut up so we can focus on the game?” Erica demanded, silencing them all in one fell swoop.

Will flushed, clearing his throat. “You got it. Um, Terrence, the Khuiman have turned against you and demand you pay retribution for the damage incurred with your armor! Will you give in to their demands, will you challenge them, or will you run away?”

“Run away,” Terrence said easily, eyes focused intently on the board in favor of Will’s face. “Easiest way of dealing with things.”

“Okay. Roll for your success.”

---

Mike failed to deliver El any more compliments by Friday; Lucas provided Max with two. All said and done, they were only one compliment apart, which El was thrilled to realize. Dustin wisely kept his mouth shut on his significant role as instigator.

At last, they woke into the glorious embrace of Saturday. Max had been so enthused she’d nearly flunked a Pre-Calc test the day before and held an irrational hope that such an unfortunate turn of luck in her grades meant that fortune would grant her a perfect party. El buzzed with excitement the whole week. Dustin and Will, meanwhile, both possessed what they would consider a healthy amount of anticipatory dread, albeit for different reasons. Mike’s reaction was contradictory: he’d smile at one moment, then grow steadily more concerned over a short period until his face was as scrunched as if he’d eaten a lemon. None of them had any clue as to what was triggering it.

Theo had graciously procured the keg and beer, which was an extremely fortuitous turn of circumstance seeing as none of the Party members had any clue how to amass such an incredible amount of alcohol without alerting a parent’s watchful eye. He told the Party he’d be dropping it off after school, during which the surprise party would be set. Max was savvy enough to realize an optimal strategy to distract her boyfriend for that crucial hour-long window.

“Hey, Lucas?”

Lucas looked up from his open locker, where he was grabbing his lunch bag. “Yeah?”

“I was thinking… maybe we could hang out at my trailer after school. Just us. My mom’s at work.”

Anticipation brightened Lucas’s face. “Sure thing!”

After a thoroughly enjoyable amorous session, a flushed and satisfied Max led an equally red and smiling Lucas to the surprise party – which, judging by Lucas’s knowing glances, was something of a misnomer. She opened the door to the Wheeler’s house.

“SURPRISE!”

“No way,” Lucas said flatly, before double-taking. “Wait, you guys worked together on this?”

“I know, very strange for someone of my caliber. But every once in a while, I extend a helpful arm to the resident vagabond of our campus,” Dustin commented, glancing at Mike purposely.

“Oh, that’s a joke,” Mike said confidently.

“Yep!” Dustin confirmed cheerily. “Look, Lucas, there were certain things that your basketball buddies did and certain things that we figured out. But yeah, it was something of a mutual effort.”

“What did you guys even do? We got the spot and the beer. We kinda did all the work,” one douchebag insisted.

“We were the ones to come up with the idea in the first place! Plus, we brought most of the food!”

“Hey, hey, guys, guys, relax,” Lucas demanded, exacerbated. “We’re all friends here.”

“Could start passing out the beer,” Neil suggested hopefully.

A classic de-escalation tactic, Dustin thought sardonically.

“Great idea!” Lucas smiled.

“You know we got a keg, right?” Theo asked confidently.

Lucas’s eyes widened. “Holy shit, seriously?”

Neil raised his brows in suggestion.

---

“CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!”

“Whooo!” Lucas shouted, throwing a fist in the air as he emerged from under the keg.

“Fuck yeah, Sinclair!” Neil cheered.

It was a party the likes of which the Party, save for Lucas and Max, had never witnessed. The music was booming – Michael Jackson, Madonna, Daryl Hall & John Oates. People were dancing, laughing, couples rushing upstairs to take use of one of the empty rooms. There were a good two and a half dozen people in the house, and most of them were drinking. Most.

“Hey, Mike, you want a drink?” Dustin asked, a beer in each hand.

Mike wrinkled his nose. “Ew. No.”

“C’mon, Mike, even Will’s drinking,” Dustin said, looking over to where Will was taking a long draught of his third beer.

“W-Will?” Mike stammered, his mouth gaping open like a goldfish.

Will looked up to him, cheeks slightly ruddy. “Heya, Mike,” he said cheerily.

“You’re drunk?”

“Maybe a little tipsy. Just a little happier and a little more relaxed.”

“Hell yeah, Will!” Max cheered.

Mike didn’t seem to agree with the sentiment. “You’re sure? I don’t want you to get drunk drunk.”

“Aw, Mike, you’re so sweet,” Will cooed. “You’re always so nice to me, you know that? I’ve always loved that about you.”

A strange, intent focus captured Mike. He stared deeply into Will’s eyes. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Even when we fight, you always come back and say how sorry you are. And you never try to hurt me when we fight. You’re a good person.”

Mike gave him an oddly shy look. “Oh, I don’t – I don’t know if I’m a good person-”

“Yes, you are,” Will said emphatically, looking just as intensely at Mike as Mike was looking at him. “You’re the best person I’ve ever known.”

“I’m not… good,” Mike protested weakly, shrugging his shoulders but never breaking eye contact with Will. ”You’re the good person. You’re just – insanely nice. The definition of a good person. I’m – not.”

“You’re good. You’re so good,” Will said with conviction, stepping closer to Mike, who stood frozen in place, staring at Will with awe.

“Ohmygosh, El’s here!” Max gasped, snapping both Mike and Will out of whatever shared madness they’d lost themselves in.

El looked unbelievably gorgeous. She was wearing a pastel yellow dress with ruffled straps, an identically colored belt, and a shirt that hugged the curves of her hips but flared out past her mid-thighs. Her eyeshadow was smoky, eyeliner swept the length of her upper eyelid, and mascara adorned her eyelashes. A coral pink adorned her lips.

“Holy shit,” Dustin said faintly.

“El! You look pretty.” Mike said, smiling.

El smiled widely. “Thank you, Mike. You look good, too.”

His teal shirt with a black triangle pocket and black pants combination was something he’d worn to school as recently as Monday. His hair was messy, and he had the usual slight dark circles under his lids from too much reading and campaign planning at night. He was not the most overwhelming thing to look at.

Mike coughed slightly and stared at the floor. “Oh, um, thanks. Sorry, um, I should have dressed up more. I don’t look nearly as good as you.”

“That’s not true,” Will said hotly. “You look great, Mike. Why else would I draw you so much?”

“Thank you, Will,” El said, smiling gratefully.

“Thanks, Will,” Mike told him softly.

“Hey, Mike, y’wanna drink?” Lucas asked, slurring significantly.

“Enjoy your gross wheat juice. I’m good.”

“Good on you, Mike. Don’t do anything you don’t wanna do. You’re so self-assured.” Will cheered.

Mike’s face burned red. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” Will answered, grinning.

---

“Lucas complimented me once at the party, so that makes it-”

“Nope,” Dustin interrupted. “It was twice. He told us, like, five minutes to midnight that you were, quote, ‘the absolute foxiest girl in Hawkins. Maybe the world. No, definitely the world.’”

Max couldn’t suppress a pleased smile. “So, that makes it four compliments from Lucas.”

“Mike complimented me at the party, too,” El said, frowning.

“True,” Max admitted. “Okay. In four days, we have four compliments from Lucas and two from Mike. What category does that put each of them in?”

“Hmm,” El hummed, taking another handful of whole wheat crackers, one of the slightly dubious perks of hanging out at the Henderson’s. “I think Mike is a 2.”

“Two in four days is definitely frequent,” Dustin pointed out.

Max’s eyes narrowed. “Are you saying that as a neutral observer, or as Mike’s friend?”

“Neutral! Friend and neutral observer.”

“Well, I can tell you right now that we let you join with the impression that you would be giving us another, non-biased insider perspective, not to rig the game in Mike’s favor.”

“I’m very non-biased! I like – um, science. Facts. There’s no bias in science.”

Max raised her brows dubiously.

“I think Dustin has been helpful,” El offered.

“Thank you, El. At least someone seems to appreciate my efforts.”

“I’d appreciate them a little more if they weren’t so obviously trying to boost Mike’s score,” Max countered sharply.

“Hey,” El said, taking up the mantle as moderator. “It doesn’t matter. Max, you are biased, and you have been judging the whole time.”

“Okay, I’m sorry,” Max mumbled, unusually self-conscious.

El smiled benevolently. “No problem. With Dustin joining us, everything is even.”

“I’m serving as a counterweight?” Dustin questioned. “Eh, I’ll take it.”

With a nod, El turned to Max. “I think Mike should get a 2 and Lucas should get a 4.”

“I say Mike should get a 3 and Lucas should get a 4,” Dustin chimed in.

“Well, I say Mike deserves a 2 and Lucas should get a 4, so that’s two against one, Dustin.”

Dustin, enervated, conceded the point.

QUESTION 4:

Lucas: 4 points
Mike: 2 points

COMPOSITE POINTS:

Lucas: 15 points
Mike: 7 points

Chapter Text

Sometimes, a day or two after an invigorating event, Max felt the post-excitement slump eat into her bones. All that excitement, all that adrenaline, and with a blink of an eye it was extinguished: a smoldering layer of ash where there was a thriving flame.

Yesterday, when Max had met with Dustin and El at the Henderson’s, a nice midpoint between Max’s trailer and the Byers-Hopper house, things had been okay. She’d had a purpose, and that purpose was raising El’s below-ground standards for Mike. She’d driven back home in her awful, gray, ‘80 Chevette, greeted her mom, and read some Teen Vogue issue that was somehow even more puerile than usual. She’d been doing okay – a little down, but manageable. It was the next morning that she woke up wishing she could spend the rest of the day unconscious.

It was past noon, and Max hadn’t left her room for anything more than to go to the bathroom and eat a bagel. She was doing… not great, but it didn’t really feel like she had the right to say she was doing badly. Not after… that.

As Max closed her eyes and attempted to slip back into an undeserved nap, she tried her hardest to stave off self-pity. She was doing better. She was better now, so much better than her worst.

Her worst… that was a long time ago.

********************POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING MATERIAL!!!!!!********************

August, 1986

A knock sounded on the trailer door. Max groaned.

“Max?”

“Hey, Max, you here?”

“Max?

“Can you let us in?”

Four separate voices sounded from outside, and Max recognized each one: Lucas, Dustin, El, and Mike.

Max did not want to talk. Not to strangers, not to her mom, not to her friends, and not to her boyfriend. As such, she didn’t move a muscle from where she sat on her bed.

More knocking followed, sharp insistent raps that grating at Max’s ears.

“We’re not leaving until you let us in, Max,” Lucas said, his tone less assertive than his words. Max forced herself up anyway, storming out in her pajama shirt and tank top, no bra, her hair a tangled mess. She flung open the trailer door.

“What the hell do you want?” Max snarled.

Lucas, El, Dustin, Will, and Mike all stared at her. She probably looked sepulchral; her sleep had amounted to less than four hours, and her features and body were stiff as a dead body. Max certainly felt like a walking corpse.

“Well?”

“Max, babe, I know you’re not doing well. I mean, even before you missed the first day of school. That’s okay. I’ll always-”

“Why can’t you just leave me the fuck alone? Why do you keep stopping by here and pretending like I’m going to get better? I’m not getting better. I’m getting worse, which doesn’t make sense and it’s stupid but it’s happening all the same! You can’t solve this. I just can’t be anything but miserable and empty. I’m just – broken, okay?”

When all the words were out, she gasped for breath, unduly exhausted.

“You are not broken, Max,” El said fiercely.

“Just go away, El,” Max muttered, too tired to yell. “All of you. You’re not helping. Go away.”

“We want to help you, Max. I don’t know what you need, but if there’s anything we can do, we’ll do it.” Will’s voice was soft, but held a quiet strength.

“That’s what I keep trying to tell you guys! There’s nothing you can do! Nothing! I’m just broken, okay? My stupid brain is broken, and even my stupid psychiatrist can’t put it back together, so I really doubt any of you can. Just give it up.”

“We love you, Max. We want to help you.” El’s brown eyes were drowned in anguish.

Max clenched her jaw. “Then leave.”

The moment they had all reluctantly taken foot from the trailer park, Max felt the urgent need to something to drown out the thoughts, the anger, the unyielding emptiness inside of her. She was so tired of it all.

Max opened the small drawer in the kitchen, finding a bottle each of Tylenol and Butisol. Something for pain, and something to make her sleep. Both seemed perfect. Uncaring, Max dumped out a large handful of Tylenol and took several draughts of water to gulp them all down. She did the same with the Butisol.

Her vision began to blur, fuzzing at the edges. The world spun around her, and her vision went black.

---

She woke up to sobbing.

Max blinked her eyes open and was greeted with the sight of her devastated mom, tears streaming down her flushed and puffy face. Upon seeing Max, newly awakened, she sprang like a coil from her seat.

“Oh – my baby! My sweet, precious baby! I can’t believe – I can’t believe I almost lost you,” and at that, she devolved into wracking sobs again.  

“Shit,” Max murmured dispassionately. “Did I overdose?”

Her mom nodded tearfully. “You – you had to have your stomach pumped. I was so afraid when I found you. I thought – oh, God, I thought you were already gone!”

“I’m sorry,” Max whispered. “I didn’t mean to… I just wanted to go to sleep. For the voice in my head to stop. I didn’t want-”

She was going to say that she didn’t want to die, but Max… wasn’t sure. Something in her had definitely wanted everything to just stop.

“I just – I don’t know what I would do if you… if you were gone."

“I’m sorry,” Max murmured.

“Your friends – they say that they have contacts with the government?” It was phrased like a question. “And baby, they say that they’re going to do everything possible to find out all the newest and developing treatments for depression. I know your psychiatrist isn’t helping, I know the counselor isn’t working for you, but we’re going to get you help. You’re going to get help.”

Max wasn’t really sure if she wanted help. She kinda just wanted to hit a big pause button on her life – or maybe just turn it off altogether. Anything to get rid of the incessant noise.

“Fine.”

********************POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING MATERIAL OVER******************

“Oh, shit!” Max yelped as the memory sparked a realization.

She dived to the side table, where her weekly medicine organizer sat innocuously. Easy to forget, if you were distracted by how sorry you felt for yourself. She pulled open the tab and dumped out the small pills, swallowing them dry.

“God, I can’t believe I forgot,” she huffed at herself.

A knock on the metal door interrupted her thoughts. Max made it down the length of the trailer and wrenched it open.

Lucas stood plaintively outside. A bouquet of orange flowers was in his hand. “Hey, Max,” he said, giving her a soft, worried smile.

Her heart leaped in her chest.

“Lucas,” Max answered, and a lump formed in her throat. “I – thank you so much.”

“I know you’re not a big fan of flowers, but I know you like marigolds – at least, you tolerate them. So, I figured, why not?”

“You’re so sweet, stalker,” she told him, unable to suppress a grin. More seriously, she added, “I love them. Thank you so much.”

Lucas handed her flowers, and she took her free hand to tug him down by the chin and kiss him deeply. When they separated, she took the bouquet and went into the kitchen to grab a glass and pour some water into it, placing the flowers inside. When she looked back, Lucas was making his way past the doorway, his ridiculous hair (that Max secretly loved) brushing the top of the entrance.

“You knew I was feeling bad?”

Lucas did an about-face. “…Yeah. You usually get a little down after something big, and you hadn’t reached out at all since the party. I know we don’t have school this week, but you usually see at least see one of us a day. I thought you might not be doing well.”

“Is that why got me flowers?”

He smiled at her gently. “I got you the flowers because I love you.”

Max’s face flushed. “Oh.”

“I love you,” Lucas said. “And I wanted to show you my feelings through the flowers. Well, flowers aren’t really a perfect equivalent – what, one flower for ‘I like you,’ a dozen for ‘I love you,’ two dozen for ‘I really messed up, do flowers make up for it?’”

Max giggled.

Lucas shook his head. “No, they aren’t perfect. But I wanted you to know that I care about you so, so much, and that I’ll always be here for you if you need me. And flowers seemed like an okay way of getting at least part of that message across.”

“Thank you,” she said, again. “And – I love you too. Even if I forget to say it sometimes.”

“You don’t need to say it,” Lucas told her, staring deeply into her eyes. “I already know.”

---

“El, I already told you; I’m okay now. I really am.”

El’s big brown eyes stared accusingly. “You were doing bad yesterday.”

“Not as bad as I used to be, though. And El, really, yesterday - it’s not a big deal. I feel better now, so it doesn’t even matter. You should really just forget about it. It’s – dumb.” Max bit her lip and looked away.

“Why would it be dumb?”

“Because – because I started my period today, El, okay?” Max snapped, anger burning in her eyes. “So, everything yesterday was just me being dumb and bitchy and whatever. I’m just – stupid.”

“You are not stupid.” El said firmly. “You are a little stupid with Lucas, but that does not make you stupid.”

“Only because Lucas is stupid, too,” Max told her, giving a half-smile. El thrilled at Max’s renewed mood.

“It does not matter what made you sad. What matters is making you happy again.”

Max’s lips stretched, a genuine grin brightening her face. “Thanks, El. I – I’m really glad you’re my best friend.”

El smiled right back. “I am glad you are my best friend.”

“Okay, okay, enough sappy stuff. Let’s get on the next question.”

The other girl blinked in surprise. “I – I did not think you would want to. I did not bring the questions.”

“Well, I remember what it was. ‘How much does he say he loves you’ or ‘how much does he say how much you mean to him’ or something.”

El nodded. “Yes, I think it was ‘how much does he say how much you mean to him.’”

Max gave a conspiratorial smile. “Yesterday, he came with flowers to my trailer and said that he loved me and always wanted to support me.”

“Max!” El squealed. “That is so sweet! What did you do?”

She shrugged. “I said I loved him too. And that I was sorry I didn’t say it more often.”

El frowned. “You do not say it, but he knows. You make sure he knows.”

Max sighed wearily. “Just – but on our test, I’d get, like, 1 point, maybe. Because I barely ever tell him how much I love him, too.”

“Hmm,” El hummed. “I think that you do not deserve 1 point. At least 2.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“I did not say that to be mean!” El clarified. “I… am not a perfect girlfriend either. It does not matter if you would not get a perfect score on the Boyfriend Test – Girlfriend Test, for us, I guess. You can try to tell Lucas more often. Or not. But either way, you are still a very good girlfriend, Max. Lucas is lucky to have you.”

Max smiled. “Thanks, El. Mike is lucky to have you.”

El watched her warily. “Thank you,” she said slowly.

“A little too lucky, if you ask-”

“Max!”

“Okay, okay,” Max huffed. “Anyway, about Lucas, I think I might try to tell him more often. Because – I love him, or whatever. And he deserves to be reminded of that.”

El lit up in glee.

“Don’t-”

“Sap!”

Max groaned, but she couldn’t escape the descriptor.

---

“I do not know what to do,” El whined.

Will stared at her, unsympathetic. His pencil paused on the sketching pad, almost as still as the pencil and empty mug he was attempting to capture. Key word, ‘attempting.’ If lighting was a person, it would be a stab-happy robber leaving him for dead in an abandoned alleyway.

“Would you rather spend Thanksgiving with the Sinclairs, Max, Dustin, and Steve, or would you rather spend it with us and Mike?”

El’s face crumpled. “You do not understand! Either way, I wouldn’t be able to – um, just… it would suck either way. So, I have no good option.”

“Yeah, no.” Will placed the sketchbook down, making a face at the botched shadows on the mug. He looked back at El, staring miserably at the floor. “Look, I think you’re overlooking one very good option.”

She wrinkled her brows. “What option? I only have two.”

“The option of you and Max going to the Sinclair's Thanksgiving dinner, then coming back here for ours.”

She blinked owlishly. “But – but they are dinners.”

“Yeah?”

“So, they will be at the same time.”

Will shook his head. “No, El. The Sinclairs always have theirs super early – like, 4:30, and it runs to about 8. You and Max don’t have to be there the entire time. Just stay for a couple hours, then come back here, where we’ll probably by just starting to eat. That way, you guys go to both. Problem solved.”

El’s mouth hung open. “Will. You are a genius.”

He eyed the sketchpad with his pathetic, butchered recreation laid in unforgivingly stark charcoal pencil. Will could already see a single, pained tear tracking silently down Mr. MacArthur’s cheek.

She followed his gaze and frowned at him. “You are a genius with art, too.”

“Thanks, little sister.”

That got an immediate grin out of El. “Thank you, big brother.”

---

 Dustin's eyes lit up when he saw El and Max, and he quickly brought his conversation to a conclusion. "I'm sure Lucas will start considering the military soon. Again, so nice to see you again, Grandma Sinclair."

"Uh-huh," she said, eying the girls and darting her gaze back to Dustin.

He laughed nervously. "Uh, bye!"

Dustin made his way across the room to sidle up besides Max and El, glancing furtively over his shoulder to check for Lucas. They were in the clear.

"Okay, Max, I've got one gushy mention of how amazing you are and how grateful he is to have you by Lucas."

"Let me guess: on Monday?"

Dustin stared, astonished. "How did you know?"

"Just - never mind. What about Mike?"

His wince answered for him. El frowned.

"Forget Mike." Dustin said. (If only, Max thought.) "Anyway, I was thinking I could go over with you guys for your Thanksgiving dinner. I remember it usually starts at like 6 or something, so I'll still spend a decent amount of time here."

Did everyone figure out that out except me? El wondered.

"You're taking this way too seriously, dude. People are going to ask questions if we don't bring Lucas along, and there's no way the Sinclairs will let him leave early. Just stay here. You've already helped out a lot this week and last week."

Dustin didn't waver. "Yeah, and I can help even more when I go with you guys."

Max was similarly unmoved. "You're going to give us away."

"I need to do something!"

"He can watch Lucas while we're at my house," El suggested.

"God, you make me sound like a babysitter. Fine. Don't think I don't realize how little I'm being given this week."

"It's just the situation we're in," Max said. "For now, you're on the back-burner. Sorry."

"I will do more next week."

"If you say so, buddy." Max smiled.

---

"More potatoes, sugar?"

"Thank you, Grandma Sinclair," Max said, lifting her plate for the older woman to place a large ladleful of cheesy mashed potatoes onto.

Grandma Sinclair clucked her tongue, shaking her head - and with it, the long, dangling gold-and-red earrings in the shape of poppies. They clashed brilliantly with her pink and purple sweater.

"Need to eat more. A skinny little thing like you? That boy would break you like a popsicle stick if you two ever try to test the mattress - and knowing teenagers…"

"Grandma!" Lucas squeaked.

Even Max, the infamous loudmouth of the group, had a tinge of red to her cheeks. El and Dustin tried not to laugh.

"Mama, please don't antagonize these kids." Mr. Sinclair begged.

Grandma Sinclair raised a brow. "You think ignoring it is gonna keep them from making whoopee? Honey, my parents tried that, and sure enough, your cousin Bernice was born just after Margaret's 18th birthday."

Mr. Sinclair coughed loudly. "I - we can talk about this with Lucas later. Let's - let's just-"

"Let's just give thanks," Mrs. Sinclair finished.

"Yes! Great suggestion, Leona. Uh, how about you start, Mama?"

"Thanks, honey." Grandma Sinclair smiled sweetly. "Now, I'm thankful for my family. I know you never got to know Robert, Barry, too young when he gave his life… but I know that he'd be thrilled to see our family today. All that crazy stuff in this town - finally gone for good. I'm definitely thankful for that. And that means more time for family…" She looked purposely at Mr. Sinclair. "At least, you'd think so. But, for reasons beyond my comprehension, my son hasn't been able to visit more than maybe once a month."

"From now on, I'll visit once a week, Mama."

"You better."

He laughed nervously. "Alright! Uh, I'll go next; I'm thankful for this wonderful food." Mr. Sinclair looked over to his wife, who waved a hand modestly.

"Oh, well, Lucy, I know I couldn't have done it without you."

"You couldn't." Grandma Sinclair agreed.

"Leona?"

Mr. Sinclair smiled. "I'm thankful for everyone here. It's so nice to see Lucas' friends."

"Erica isn't here." Grandma Sinclair deadpanned. "You need to keep a tighter leash on that girl. Going over to some friend's place for Thanksgiving? Just outrageous."

Dustin inclined his head towards Max in silent realization.

"Hmm," Mrs. Sinclair hummed noncommitally. "Max? Would you like to share?"

"Right!" She nodded to herself, desperately trying to think of something non-moronic to say. "Uh, I'm thankful…" The thought struck her. "For Lucas."

The boy in question startled slightly. He'd been expecting… well, he didn't know what he was expecting, but definitely something with more sarcasm.

"And, um, I'm thankful that he loves me because I love him and I'm really glad he's my boyfriend."

An emotion filled Lucas' eyes - an emotion Max would classify as 'adoration,' but Dustin and El felt more inclined to describe as 'overwhelming gooshiness.' "I love you too, Max, and I'm so thankful I can call you mine."

Dustin mimed gagging to El, who suppressed a giggle. After realizing other eyes were upon him, he hurriedly cleared his throat. "Uh, I'm thankful for… my friends. You guys are great. Seriously, I'd be totally dead without you."

El, Max, Lucas, and Dustin were all too aware of the truth behind the last sentence.

He turned his head to El, who nodded to herself. "I am also thankful for my friends. And my brothers, Will and Jonathan. I have only been their sister for 2 years, but they both call me 'little sister,' especially Will."

"I thought he did that because people always thought you were twins," Dustin interjected.

"Shut up, Dustin."

"Okay, okay, just saying." Dustin held his hands up in surrender.

---

The Byers-Wheeler Thanksgiving - now Byers-Wheeler-Hopper - was an extravagantly supplied event with a very curious timeline. Mrs. Wheeler insisted it started at 5:30 sharp, when the doors were opened and Thanksgiving dinner was freshly cooked. The reality, at least, to alien eyes, was very different. To start with, Mrs. Wheeler and Mrs. Byers had to have finished chatting with each other, which took roughly 30 to 45 minutes after greetings. Next, the food had to be reheated. Following that, Mike had to be dragged out of his room, where Will was typically also located. Finally, a search party had to be sent out to find Holly, who had an unerring tendency to use every spare minute not occupied with school or meals to pawn through the grass and stare at bugs under a magnifying lens; Mike had provided her with the unflattering yet unerring moniker of "grubby little gremlin." The entire ordeal took at least an hour.

Holly was being brought by the wrist (her hands were coated in dirt) inside when El and Max arrived, indicating faultless timing on their behalf.

Mrs. Wheeler smiled upon seeing them. "Oh! El, Max. I was hoping you'd get here in time, El. Max, what a welcome surprise!"

"Thanks, Mrs. Wheeler," Max replied, giving a rare polite smile.

"Holly, wash your hands before you come in for dinner. Come on in, girls!"

Everyone was already sitting at the table, Mrs. Wheeler's white-and-silver China adorning the table, along with copious amounts of food. El and Max despaired over their full stomachs. They could see Mrs. Byers, Jonathan, Nancy, Hopper…

"Good to see you, kid."

"Thanks, Dad," El smiled, before her face fell. "Where is Mike?"

Mrs. Byers interjected. "Oh! I think he went back up to his room with Will. You know how those boys are."

"I just got them to come down!" Mrs. Wheeler exclaimed. "Actually, you know what? They can have their dinner cold. Max, El, take a seat." She gestured towards the three empty chairs.

"Put your foot down, Karen," Mrs. Byers said approvingly.

El made eye contact with Max, engaging her in a silent conversation. Should I go up to get them to come down?

Max made a face. What? No. You heard Mrs. Wheeler.

What about the Test?

"Let's just talk after we eat," Max said,

"You girls are so in tune," Mrs. Wheeler laughed.

---

"You know, I've got this half-Cherokee girl in my art class." Will said nonchalantly.

Mike furrowed his brows. "Oh, yeah? What's her name?"

"Yona. Yona Robinson."

Mike wrinkled his brows. "'Robinson' doesn't sound very Indian to me."

"It's not. Her dad's white."

"Oh. Uh, why are you mentioning her? Do you have a crush on her or something?"

Will flinched back slightly. "What? No."

"Yeah, you do, why else would you be mentioning her?"

"Because I talk to her sometimes in class, and she told me last week that Thanksgiving is actually kinda messed up. From an Indian perspective."

"What could be messed up about it? It's a holiday where you stuff your face and talk about what you're thankful for. Sounds pretty nice to me."

Will sighed audibly. "Mike, that was between European settlers and Indians. And you know what happened 200 years later? Really awful stuff, because Indians were treated like trash. I don't know, it just gave me this new kinda look of it."

"Like what? Didn't Indians kill a bunch of us in wars and junk?"

Will's expression was pained. "Mike, have you ever heard of the Trail of Tears?"

"What? No."

"You know what? Never mind." After struggling for hours with shading, Will's ability to explain such a horrific topic was next to nil.

Mike backpedaled. "Hey, hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be an ass. Maybe you could introduce Yona to me and see if she can explain this stuff."

"Thanks, Mike." Will smiled.

Mike looked at him cautiously. "So, uh, do you not want to share what we're grateful for or whatever?"

"No, no, that's okay. Even though we always say the same thing to each other every year."

Mike scoffed dramatically. "Come on. No, we don't."

"Uh, yes, we do. It's always variations on our friendship and being best friends and all that."

"'Variations' means it's not the same thing," Mike pointed out smugly.

"Okay, okay, fine, almost the same thing every year."

"Fair enough."

"I'll start." Mike cleared his throat, leaning very slightly further towards Will on his bed. Will gulped. "I'm grateful to have you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Mike said, smiling. "You’re just – you’re such an amazing best friend. Sometimes, it’s hard for me to believe how lucky I am to have you. You’re just this incredibly nice, funny, hot, attentive, talented person, and you agreed to be my best friend ten years ago. That was probably the most important day of my life, save the day I met El.”

Will’s face fell immediately. “Oh. Yeah.”

Mike blinked. “What is it?”

“Nothing! Nothing.”

Mike’s face scrunched in confusion. “Did I say something wrong? I didn’t mean to.”

“No, no, I’m just being dumb.”

“What do you mean? Just tell me, Will. Please. I don’t understand.”

Will hesitated. “I guess it’s just that… I don’t know, the day you met El… it was such a terrible day for me. I was in the Upside Down, I was starving, I was terrified… and to know it was the most important, the best day of your life, just – hurts, a little.”

Mike’s eyes were wide and pained. “Oh my God, Will, I didn’t mean that at all! It’s the most important because it was the day where I met the girl that could save your life.”

Will clenched his jaw. “Mike. Friends don’t lie, remember?”

“I’m not lying!” Mike insisted. “That really is why! Obviously, the day that I met you was better.”

That got a scoff out of Will. “You told El it was the best day of your life.”

Mike’s face reddened, his expression grew tense, and his eyes dropped to the floor. It was, Will realized, a reaction of shame. “Look, what I said to El… that wasn’t all… real, you know?”

“I don’t understand,” Will said, feeling very much like the tables had been turned from their usual dynamic.

“I… I needed to help her, okay?” Mike said, squirming slightly. “She was dying. So, I just kinda… took some of the stuff you said, and how she’s so important to me, and a good amount of stuff I’ve seen on Hallmark cards and Hollywood movies, and I turned it all into this Frankenstein of a speech. I mean, I felt a little bad afterward, but it saved her life, right?”

Will’s mouth gaped. “You – you just… slapped together a love confession.”

Mike shrugged helplessly. “Can we maybe just – move past that?”

“No, Mike! What the hell? You seriously gave my sister some slap-dash speech? She loved that speech! She told me afterwards that between you finally saying you loved her and Nancy setting Vecna on fire like two seconds later, it felt like the universe was saying you guys are meant to be together forever! And you're telling me your love confession wasn't even from the heart?"

"I…" Mike's voice was small and defeated. "Yeah. I am."

 "Mike, you're my best friend, but El is also my little sister and I'm having a very hard time not clobbering you right now."

"I know. I'm sorry."

Will sighed. "It's okay, Mike. I know you were just trying to help. It's just hard for me to forgive you knowing that you never told her the truth. I mean, I assume you never did."

Mike looked away into his lap, effectively answering the unspoken question.

"Right."

"I'll tell her, okay? I just… need some time. I will eventually, I promise."

"Thanks, Mike."

"Yeah." Mike stared deeply into his eyes. He did that odd little thing where Will could swear he was looking at Will's lips. "Yeah, of course."

A knock sounded on the door.

"Mike, get out of your room! Stop talking to Will and talk to me! Mom won't let me talk about weevils!"

"Got it, little gremlin!" Mike called, shrugging to Will apologetically. More quietly, he said, "Sorry about Holly. She hates it when I'm not there to talk to her at dinner."

Will's eyes widened abruptly. "Shit!"

"What?"

"Mike, they started dinner!"

Will was met with a frustrated groan. "Why does this happen every year?"

"I think we have a habit of losing ourselves in conversation."

Mike smiled conspiratorially. "Maybe just a little."

 ---

"Dustin, what do have for this week?"

He cleared his throat, a proud grin adorning his face. "Three admissions of love from Lucas, one vague admission of, um, appreciation, I guess, from Mike."

"Come on, Dustin. I told you exactly what happened. It doesn't count."

"Max," El warned.

"What? I'm just saying. You literally just asked him if you meant enough to him to be thankful to have you as his girlfriend. You practically forced it out of him at gunpoint."

"I was not holding a gun. And he said yes, so that counts."

"He gets a 1, El. You can't argue with that."

"Fine." El's jaw tensed.

Max paused, trying to figure out a way to make the other girl understand. "Hey, look, El, you have to stop thinking of this as, like, racehorse betting or something. It doesn't say anything about you if Mike gets a bad score. This test is just a way to either force Mike to grovel or to break up with him guilt-free.

It was clear she only gave the former option because Dustin was there, as El had already revealed her intention. El smiled gratefully.

"I know. It is easy to forget, though."

Dustin thought Max made a very good point. It was such a good point, in fact, that it shattered the previously resolute part of him that determined to defend Mike and keep his scores up. Something was shifting in his mind. Maybe, just maybe, Mike deserved his comeuppance.

"Alright," Dustin said, tapping his pencil on their score sheet. "So, 1 for Mike, 4 for Lucas?"

"Yep."

"Yes."

Dustin jotted them down with relish.

QUESTION 5:

Lucas: 4 points

Mike: 1 point

COMPOSITE POINTS

Lucas: 19 points

Mike: 8 points

Chapter Text

"My friends," Dustin announced, "I believe that there is something I can do this week to be more than just a useless bystander. Something small, not enough to distract from studying for finals, but something."

The girls blinked at him.

"You are not useless, Dustin," El rebuked.

"Eh," Max commented.

Dustin gave Max a reproachful look before turning back to the other girl with a much warmer expression. "El, I appreciate your defense, but unfortunately, Max is somewhat true - I don't appreciate the tone, though, Mayfield. You see, each time you and Mike kiss, or Max and Lucas, you and Max are witnesses. I mean, you're active participants; the only way you wouldn't know would be a quite frankly very concerning case of sleepwalking."

"Yep," Max said, nodding. "So, maybe you should sit this one out."

"I did that last week!" Dustin exclaimed, incited. "I'm not doing that again this one too!"

"Well, what else are you going to do?"

A self-satisfied expression filled his face. "I'm going to refine the Boyfriend Test."

"What the hell do you mean, 'refine?'"

"I intend to make small alterations when needed for questions and set up metrics for testee boyfriends - just creating multiple categories to better analyze results."

"Like what?" El asked, curious.

"I'm still workshopping it. For now, I've got a kinda four-quadrant political compass-esque thing with dedication, affection, and romanticism."

"What's the fourth?" Max prompted.

"Did you not hear me when I said I was still workshopping it?"

"I think it is a good idea, Max." El added.

Max narrowed her eyes at El. Why was she going along with Dustin's dumb little idea? "It's completely unnecessary."

"Uh, yeah, and if I don't work on it, I'll be completely unnecessary to this operation as a whole."

"I don't care; do what you want, Dustin."

"Oh, I will," Dustin promised. "I've already done a little change to this week's question."

"What is it?"

"So, instead of just initiating kisses, which is pretty narrow, I thought it might be better to expand it to include any sort of affection - y'know, handholding, hugs, touch."

"Hmm," Max hummed.

"What? You don't approve?"

"Huh? Oh, no, I do, sorry, you just reminded me of something I wanted to do."

"Okay." Dustin shrugged. "Well, I guess we're all set to go, then."

"Defnitely," Max said, a slow smile spreading across her face.

---

El had a plan. It wasn't a particularly well thought-out or detailed plan, but it was a plan nonetheless.

Mike wasn't very good at initiating things, whether they be kisses, 'I love you's, or planning dates. Maybe it was just that his unusual brain had problems with remembering such concepts. He would go on dates and kiss El back, yes; Mike would even initiate hand-holding or chaste kisses. Yet Lucas and Max's often volatile relationship trumped theirs on every possible level.

She felt the urge arise again to simply break up with Mike. El wished it was as simple as it was when they were 13 and breakups were no big deal; now, they'd been together for 3 years, and breaking up felt like a colossal shift. There was a tiny chance that with just the right move, he would show her the kind of passion and interest that El wanted. That was exactly why she had the plan.

Her cutest dress (yellow gingham, skin-tight around her bust and waist) was on, she had two pumps of perfume on each wrist and one on her neck, boots with kitten heels adorned her feet, and she had even practiced a seductive look in the mirror this morning. Step 1 had been thoroughly employed. If this didn't get Mike riled up, nothing would.

When she approached the table, she saw Mike talking animatedly to the table, Will besides him. An unusual tenseness left a rigidity to Will's posture, though El had no clue as to why. Mike had Will's flannel on over his old Hellfire shirt, a frighteningly light outfit for the early December chill.

"…all these people died literally just because the government didn't care enough to give them rest or shelter or anything, just out."

Will chimed in. "Yeah. Yona said that they probably wanted them to die."

El wasn't really sure what they were talking about, but she didn't really care. Mike would undoubtedly tell her all about it the next time they were alone anyway. Eyes began to rise to her, including Mike's, as she came within a few feet of the table. In a moment of daring, El took the initiative to hop slightly up onto the table, splaying a thigh across the corner right beside Mike's lunch tray.

"Oh, wow," Mike said, wide-eyed. It was not a ringing endorsement.

"Amazing dress, El," Max said, supportive.

El grinned. "Thanks, Max." She turned back to Mike. "Do you like my dress?"

"Yeah, yeah. It's pretty. Um, I love the color."

El's lips broadened into a smile. Her plan was working! "Good. Will, could you move up so I can sit next to Mike?"

"Sure." Will pushed his tray to the left and scooted away from Mike, who immediately followed.

El sat next to Mike, tangling their feet together. Step 2. Any second now, Mike would be kissing her or taking her hand.

Instead, Mike opened his mouth to speak. "El, shouldn't you get yourself lunch?"

She blinked. In her haste to execute her plan, she'd completely forgotten about getting food.

Will came to her rescue. "I can buy your food for you, El. You can stay and talk to Mike. Grilled cheese and hash browns, right?"

El gave Will a small but deeply grateful smile. "Yes. Thank you, big brother."

"No problem, little sis." Will returned her smile, then rose to get her proffered meal.

When El looked back to Mike, he had a slight frown on his face as he watched Will walk off. "Mike?"

"Hey."

"Can I sit on your lap?"

Mike blanched. "Um, I don't… know."

"You don't want El to sit in your lap?" Dustin asked incredulously.

"That's not what I'm talking about; I mean logistically! I'm like a stick figure come to life!"

"That is a good point," El mused.

"Yeah. Um, sorry."

"That is okay."

Step 3 had failed; it was time to take an alternate route. El put one hand on Mike's lacking bicep and one on his forearm, prompting Mike to turn his head. She looked deep into his eyes, silently willing him to kiss her. To once give El the same amount of passion she gave to him - or used to, anyway. This was the most flirty she'd been in months.

"Hey," Mike said awkwardly. "Um, is there something you want?"

Mike was someone El found attractive. She liked his unique face, and his lanky body held an odd appeal. And in that moment, she felt so keyed up with energy that she just wanted some way to let it out, even if it meant Mike wouldn't get the opportunity to make the first move.

She let go of his arm, grasped the side of his chin, and pulled him in for a lingering kiss. Mike kissed her back in presses of lips, ones that always lacked the energy of hers. It didn't matter. When El seperated from him a few moments later, she felt much calmer.

"A little too many people. Maybe we should keep stuff like that in private," Mike said, not meeting her eyes. It wasn't an embarrassed or incriminating gesture, though; it seemed like he had simply forgotten to make eye contact.

Dustin was shocked out of guiltily ogling El's figure in her extremely complimentary dress. "Dude, it's okay. Do you really think anyone cares if high schoolers are necking in public?"

"Yes, Mike. Why can I not kiss you around people?"

Mike, seemingly out of spite, grabbed El's arm and pulled her in for a quick kiss. "There. Stuff like that is better for when people are around."

His reactions amounted to a solid failure for El's plan. Oh, well. At least she'd tried. And it had been a little fun to get dressed up and show herself off a little; El didn't even really think she was doing it for Mike anymore.

"What were you talking about?"

Mike lit up immediately. "Will has this half-Cherokee girl in his art class named Yona and she has all this insane history stuff about awful shit that happened to them! They didn't teach us anything in history about it. Like, Thanksgiving is seriously messed up, because the settler guys were definitely the ones in the wrong and we're all acting like they were on equal footing!"

El smiled. Mike's gesticulating and enthusiastic tone were sometimes a little grating, but they had an infectious energy about them.

"I thought you said the whole Trail of Tears thing was in the 1800's," Lucas interjected, confused.

"Yeah, it was! Which is super recent, all things considered. But yeah, even though the settlers weren't the ones to do that - their descendants were - they still did all this stuff called 'colonization'…"

---

Lucas hadn't even closed the trailer door behind him when Max was pouncing on him like a lioness, yanking him down by the back of his neck to kiss him fiercely.

"Wait, wait, have to close the door," he said, reluctantly parting from her. The instant he was walking back, Max was upon him again.

They were kissing all the way to the couch, and Max straddled him eagerly. It was a few minutes later when Max broke them apart again, staring at him with her flushed face ripe with determination.

"Hey, gorgeous."

Max, feeling oddly embarrassed, reddened further and looked away for a moment.

"What is it?"

"I want to go all the way."

Lucas blinked. "You - oh, you want to-"

"Yeah. Come on. We've been together for a year and a half straight. We're seventeen."

Max witnessed Lucas' reaction slowly unfold through his expression. Shock morphed into excitement, which morphed into a strange, wide-eyed terror.

"What's wrong? You don't want to have sex?"

"Max, you don't understand," Lucas hissed emphatically. "My Grandma - she had this talk with me after Thanksgiving!"

"She doesn't want you to have sex?"

"No! Worse! Much worse!"

Max stared uncomprehendingly.

Lucas' face contorted with misery. "She told me everything about my great-aunt Margaret's first pregnancy. Like, she told me how her boyfriend at the time was, she went into the pregnancy and how often she threw up, she described the whole giving birth thing - you do not want to know the metaphor she used for the baby coming out of her - and she described the aftermath. Like, apparently giving birth can mess up your bladder or something? And then she talked about how Great-Aunt Margaret had to drop out of her senior year two months before she would have graduated, spent 5 years trying to get a husband… and she said it all like it was some interesting little story. It was so awful, Max, you have no idea."

"So, she told you a bunch of stuff to get you to never want to have sex out of wedlock."

"No." Lucas shook his head grimly. "She… she gave me this box of condoms, and she told me if she even thought we might be having sex, she would be driving you down to the clinic in Brownstown to see if you were pregnant. And then - get this," he said, leaning closer to Max with horror in his eyes. "She said that it would be good if you got pregnant, because even with how awful birth was, I would be locking down the best woman I would probably ever get. Then she said that once we both turned 18, we should get married."

"Oh my God," Max murmured, slightly in shock. "That's so much worse than just not wanting us to have sex."

"I know, right?!"

Max pulled off of Lucas' lap and sat next to him. When she looked to the side, she could see Lucas' marigolds still sitting, slightly wilted, in the glass of water on the kitchen counter. They were still the same shade of vibrant orange as the day Lucas had given them to her.

"Lucas," she began. "I love you. I love having you as my boyfriend, and I love that you're my best friend - okay, you're tied with El, but still, you get my point."

"Yeah?" Lucas said, sensing a 'but.'

"But," Max confirmed, "I think we should break up."

Lucas flinched back in shock. "Wait, what?"

"Sorry, that sounded really bad. Let me say that again. I think we should break up, just for the week, or even just for a day. Then we get back together again."

"I… I don't follow."

"Your grandma really wants us to have sex so I can get pregnant and be with you for the rest of my life, right?"

"Uh… yeah, I guess."

Max shrugged. "If we go all the way outside of a relationship, we won't be giving her that satisfaction."

"You think she can read minds El-style?"

"Grandmas are tricky. They're insanely good at seeing things that other people don't. Besides, I'll be glad that she didn't get her way, and that's enough for me."

"What if we want to have sex again?"

Max laughed lightly. "We can just break up again. Honestly, I'm not that concerned. I want to go all the way because I love you and I want us to connect like that. I'm totally fine with sticking mostly to the hand and mouth stuff we've been doing."

"We're really breaking up just to get one over on my grandma?"

"Hell yeah. You game?"

Lucas sighed with resignation. "Yes."

---

"You broke up? Again?"

Dustin scoffed lightly beside El. "Not much of a surprise. That's practically their modus operandi."

El blinked.

"I mean, it's their go-to."

"Oh. Yes, I think you are right."

"But - but! - we are very much planning on getting back together very soon. As in, literally within days. Just as soon as we… do something."

El and Dustin were identically baffled.

"I do not understand."

"Do what?"

"Look, this kind of thing is hard to explain, okay? All you need to know is that we're getting one over on Lucas' grandma by breaking up temporarily."

"All I need to know?" Dustin questioned incredulously. "Now I need to know a hell of a lot more!"

"That sounds very strange," El admitted.

"That lady is creepy as fuck. She wants me to get pregnant so that I have to marry Lucas and stay in the family."

"Holy fucking shit," Dustin murmured. El nodded in concordance.

"Yeah. It's insane."

"We are still doing the Test on Lucas, right?" El asked.

Dustin laughed. "Of course we are. Max and Lucas break up in name only. They still act like they're dating even when they're not officially together."

"Oh, whatever, Dustin," Max huffed.

"Good. I do not want to stop the Test. I think I am having… fun with it."

"Oh, thank God, I thought I was the only one." Dustin murmured gratefully.

"We're all enjoying it, which is good, because we've spent weeks on it and we're not even done yet."

"Dustin, are you done with the changes you've made?"

"Oh." Dustin cringed. "Uh, I've kinda been working a lot on my AP Bio final project. I mean, it's due on Friday, and it's worth 20% of our grade. But I started working on the changes on Saturday, and I'll probably be finished by Friday - no, Thursday."

"Do not push yourself, Dustin," El admonished.

Dustin grinned. "I won't. Don't worry about me."

"Already on it, Henderson." Max chimed in.

---

Will cornered Mike after school let out, taking him gently but firmly by the wrist and bringing them into a nearby empty classroom.

"What is it?" Mike asked, adorably confused. To Will's completely non-biased eyes, of course. Will's favorite flannel draping over Mike's lanky body was also objectively very cute.

Will shook himself. He was forgetting why he was mad at Mike."You haven't told her, have you?"

Mike squirmed under Will's scrutiny. "Look, Will, this isn't exactly an easy little thing, okay? How can I tell her that the words that helped save her life, that helped save our relationship, weren't true?"

"I know it's not easy. I know. But you still have to do it."

"Yeah, yeah, the painting, I get it. Shouldn't you be giving me a touch more sympathy, here? I mean, you lied to me too, literally hours before I lied to El!"

Upon catching sight of Will's undoubtedly furious expression, Mike haltered. "I'm sorry. That… I shouldn't be blowing up at you about that. I forgave you ages ago. I guess I just don't know why you're not cutting me any slack."

Will's patience frayed and snapped like a fabric seam.

"You don't deserve to be cut slack! Yeah, Mike, I've lied to you before, but I admitted it! I went to you and I said that the painting wasn't commissioned by El and that I was assuming what El felt. I told you all that. And I really wish it hadn't taken me three months, but I did it. Mike, it's been a year and a half! You lied to the closest person in your life for a year and a half!"

"Do you - do you really think El's the closest person in my life?" Mike asked, and WIll could tell through the crease between his brows and the crook of his head that it was a genuine question.

"Yes! She's your girlfriend of three years, of course she's the closest person to you!"

"Oh," Mike said, brow furrowed like he was trying to comprehend the concept.

Will braced himself. He was about to put his foot down. "Mike, tell her. I'll give you until the end of finals next week, because I'm a generous person that gives you way too much leeway. If you don't do it by then, I'll tell her myself."

"What?" Mike stared at him, betrayed. "You - you wouldn't."

"Mike," Will said gently. "You're my best friend. But El's my sister. And yeah, we haven't been siblings nearly as long as you and your sisters, but she means a hell of a lot to me and I still kick myself over not helping her in Lenora. I'm not missing my chance this time."

"I… Will… I never meant to hurt her."

Will sighed heavily, offering Mike a grimace of a smile. "And that's the worst part, isn't it? You meant to help her. And because of that help, you're going to hurt her so much more than if you hadn't done anything at all."

Mike stared at Will like a man seeking repentance. Desperate, guilty, pained.

He headed for the door, opening it with a jerk of his wrist. "Come on."

"Are we still hanging out at my house like usual?" Mike asked tentatively.

Will pressed his lips together. "Not today, Mike. Not today."

---

"Well, well, well." Max smiled tauntingly. "If it isn't my ex-boyfriend."

Lucas gave her a dubious look.

"Oh, come on."

"Max. My beautiful, sometimes terrifying ex-girlfriend. Is there any reason you've asked me to come to see you after school today?"

She grinned, sharklike. "Yep. Let's fuck."

Lucas was far from a blushing virgin, but that was enough to bring a flush to his cheeks and the tips of his ears. "You don't have to say it like that."

Max laughed. "How else do you want me to put it? Doing the do? Getting some horizontal refreshment? Having a dick appoint-"

"None of those! Absolutely none of those."

"Well, what's your more appropriate euphemism, then?"

Lucas smiled tenderly. "Let's make love."

"Urgh," Max complained. "That was so sappy it gave me cavities."

"Maybe it's because I love you so much."

"I love you, too, you big doofus." Okay, that's enough gooshy romantic stuff. Now, I've got the ultimate mood-setter right here." Max dug into her jeans pocket, pulling out two silver packages. "TROJAN" was printed on the shiny surface.

"You're right, that does set the mood," Lucas murmured.

"No baby-trapping happening here. Just some fun with my current ex."

"Sure thing."

Max shoved the condoms onto the countertop and kissed Lucas deeply, pushing him against the wall of the trailer. The edge of the door dug into Lucas' back through his shirt, but he was averse to complain. Welcoming her enthusiasm, Lucas let her keep the lead as he wrapped a hand on each side of her waist.

When Max pulled back, Lucas' hands still on her waist, her face was flushed and her eyes were bright. She looked like the most breathtaking girl in the world.

"You're gorgeous, baby," he told her softly.

"Shut up," she grumbled, unable to suppress a smile. "You're gorgeous, too, you know that?"

Lucas stole another kiss. "Thank you."

Her eyes were burning when he met her gaze. "Lucas."

"Yeah?"

"Make love to me."

Lucas huffed a laugh, grinning sappily. "Gladly."

---

"Lucas and I are back together again."

"That is very good, Max."

"I'm shocked, I tell you," Dustin drawled from the couch. It was a nice couch, and it looked as comfortable as the squashy armchair Max was in. She made a mental reminder to assert more meetings in Dustin's house.

"Should we figure out the scores first, or would you like to show us the changes, Dustin?"

"We can go over the scores."

El nodded. "Okay. Mike initiated one kiss this week."

"Just the one at the cafeteria? That's it?"

El gave Dustin a deadpan look from the couch. He reddened. "Sorry. Um, yeah, so that's one instance of initiated affection from Mike."

"I thought it was - oh, right, the change Dustin made."

"It was a good idea," Max admitted. "Otherwise, Wednesday - wait, no, I talked Lucas into finally doing it, so I guess it wouldn't count. He initiates almost all of the stuff we do, though."

El colored. "'It?' Do you - do you mean sex?"

"Wait, was that why Lucas came into school today looking like he'd taken a few too many Valium?"

"Shut up, Dustin. Sorry, El, I know that stuff makes you uncomfortable."

El furrowed her brows, quizzical. "It does not make me uncomfortable. I just do not think I will have the opportunity any time soon."

"Wait, have you and Mike seriously never done anything? You guys were Frenching at 14!"

"We never did more than that."

Dustin shook his head in disbelief.

"But I think that maybe we should wait longer before we make the score. Mike has been…off lately. I am not sure why."

"Does he usually initiate stuff with you more often?"

El sighed. "No."

"I think we may as well just calculate the score now, El," Dustin said gently.

"Okay. I think Mike deserves a 1."

Max and Dustin both startled.

"Really?"

"El… and I'm kicking myself for saying this… but I think he deserves a 2. He does initiate hand-holding a lot with you."

"Seconded," Dustin added.

"Okay," El said reluctantly.

Dustin decided it was a good time to change the subject. "I think Lucas should get a 4."

Max laughed. "Oh, definitely."

"Cool." Dustin jotted both scores down onto the paper. "Right. So, I have my four-quadrant diagram right here where I can plot out Lucas and Mike's ultimate scores."

He pulled out a folded piece of lined paper, unfolding it to reveal a chart of the same description. Along the axes were four words: giving, attentive, dedicated, and sensitive.

"These are not the same words you mentioned."

Dustin scratched his head in a nervous gesture. "I, uh, I needed to make sure that two questions fit each category."

"So the perfect boyfriend would be smack in the middle?"

"Yep. So, for this, I'm plotting the missing points. Like with this question, Lucas doesn't get any subtracted, but Mike gets two subtracted."

"You have done a very good job, Dustin," El said, and even though it wouldn't have sounded out of place coming from a kindergarten teacher's mouth, it still warmed Dustin's heart.

"Thanks, El."

"It's not bad," Max added, which was a glowing review coming from her.

"I hope you'll be happy to find that I didn't make any more changes to any other questions. Smooth sailing from here on out."

"Smooth sailing," El confirmed with a smile.

QUESTION 6:

Lucas: 4 points

Mike: 2 points

COMPOSITE POINTS

Lucas: 23 points

Mike: 10 points

Chapter Text

"How did your project go, Dustin?"

Dustin smiled at El over his glass of soda. "Really good. Think I got an A."

"That is good."

"Good that you were lucky enough to get a final out of the way before next week," Max commented gloomily.

Dustin scoffed. "Don't look at me. That project was brutal. 7 pages worth of painstaking research, all on the riveting subject of the mechanisms of cell regeneration. I would've rather had an exam. Will's the one that's really lucky."

"His showcase," El thrilled.

"Oh, right. That show-off thing the art students do at the end of the semester."

"It is not a show-off thing, Max." El pouted endearingly. "Will has put in a lot of work. Drawing and painting are much harder than they look."

"Fair," Dustin admitted.

"It just seems like he's getting off easy compared to the rest of us."

"He is not," El snapped. "Sorry. I have been… worried about Will lately. Him and Mike."

Max nodded sagely. "They've been pretty quiet the last few days. Since Tuesday. I think they might've had a fight."

"Really? That long?" Dustin asked guiltily. "I didn't even notice."

"You had that project. And you were working on things for the Boyfriend Test. Do not blame yourself."

Dustin gave El a grateful smile. "Thanks, El. I really do wish I'd been paying better attention, though."

"We all get distracted sometimes."

"Okay, very sweet, you guys, but can we talk about the next question now?"

"Sure," Dustin said.

Max turned to him. "Dustin, I saw something very interesting when I looked at question 7."

"Really?"

A false smile lingered ominously on Max's face. "Do you know why I thought it was interesting?"

"Uh, no - oh, shit."

"What is it?" El asked, confused.

"What was interesting was that instead of 'He gives you presents,' there was a crossed-out mess with 'How often does he give you tokens of affection?' above it!"

He squirmed. "I may have made one last tiny change to a question."

"'May?' What, did you black out or something?"

Dustin grimaced. "Okay, fine. I did make one final, small alteration. I'm trying to be more inclusive!"

Max nodded evenly. "Right. So that change sucks donkey ass."

"'Donkey ass' is redundant," Dustin muttered.

"Shut up. I say that because it means that even if we stretch the analysis time to a week, that's still five days of finals. No way are me and El going to be able to track 'tokens of affection' with how vague that wording is."

"We could take the week off," El suggested.

"God, no, this stupid test is the only thing keeping me sane with all this pressure with school."

Dustin interjected. "Look, I think you're overlooking one excellent option. Why don't you and El just track what physical gifts you get and let me follow what other gestures of affection they make for you?"

"That sounds good to me," El said.

"I guess that could work," Max admitted. "We can check in Friday after school."

"Cool," Dustin nodded. "Uh, anything else you guys want to do?"

"We could study. Or talk about why Mike and Will are sad." El chimed in.

Dustin laughed. "Jeez, no, we're definitely not talking about Mike and Will. If they're both sad, either they're helping each other through it, or they're the reason why they're sad. Either way, it's got to do with them, not us. I doubt they'll tell us what's going on anyway."

Neither Max nor El could deny that.

---

Will distantly registered the sound of a door opening.

His distraction was minimal, however, because in front of him laid something akin to his masterpiece. Countless brush strokes over countless hours-

Three clear knocks rang out against his bedroom door, interrupting Will's thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"Hey, Will. Could I come in?"

"Mike?" Will gasped, his brush jerking in a way that would have spelled doom for his painting had it been two inches closer. "Um, sure."

Mike opened the door and walked inside, an unzipped winter jacket over a Michael Jackson t-shirt. It was odd to see Mike with an actual coat; Will was so used to the other boy taking one of his flannels or jackets.

"Holy shit."

"Oh," Will said, turning to look at the painting. Right now, it just looked like a bunch of colors over a just-emerging yellow sun.

"It's… gorgeous. I can't believe you can make stuff this insanely good."

Will smiled broadly. Mike had always been something of his personal cheerleader. Oh, God, no, don't think of Mike in a cheerleader's uniform!

He coughed lightly. "Um, thank you. But it's not done yet."

Mike laughed. "You shouldn't be thanking me. I'm just telling the truth. And if it looks this good now, I can't imagine how good it'll be when you're finished."

"Thank you, Mike." His face had to be on fire. "So, um, why are you here?"

Mike grew sheepish. "I wanted to say that I'm telling El. The truth about the love confession, I mean."

"Now?"

"…No." Shame warped Mike's expression. "Soon! Definitely soon. But I was thinking more like… just after school on Friday."

Will raised a brow. "The last possible minute?"

"You - you're still holding me to that 'until the end of finals' rule?"

"Yes, Mike." Will emphasized. "You can't keep running away from your own mistakes. Trust me, it never works. You need to confront them and realize that the only way you can make amends is to start doing better - better with self-discipline and better with the people you've wronged."

Mike nodded, dejected.

"I know that it can be hard for you sometimes to know just how much you've messed up, so I'm telling you for you. You really, really messed up."

"I know I messed up, okay?" Mike's voice was anguished enough to wring pity out of Will's temporarily resistant heart. "I know. And I'm going to make amends. I'm going to tell her the truth. But I need… just a little longer, okay?

"You promise that you're going to tell her?"

"Yes. Absolutely. I would never break a promise to you."

Will nodded, the fury inside him abating. "Thank you, Mike."

"Yeah. Of course. Uh, can I just watch you as you paint for a bit, or do you want me to go away?"

Will bit his lip. Having Mike in the room when he was trying to focus was akin to hanging a Jackson Pollock original up and expecting Will not to stare. Not only that, but a Jackson Pollock original that was deadset on talking to Will for hours on end.

Mike looked to him expectantly.

"Um, I do really kind of need to focus. Tomorrow's the final deadline, so…"

A crestfallen expression crossed Mike's face. "But I thought that your showcase was on Thursday!"

"Well, Mr. MacArthur wants it on Monday. We still need to set it up, and he needs time to grade."

"That's stupid, but okay. I'll leave you alone. I guess you wouldn't really want to talk to me much anyway."

"Hey, hey, hey, Mike, I still want to talk to you." Will soothed. "You're my best friend. You're going to make up for your mistake. I just need to focus right now, okay? We can talk as much as you want on Thursday and after that, as long as you still fit in confessing the truth to El."

"You're not mad at me?" Mike's eyes were full of tentative hope.

No, Mike. I can never stay mad at you for longer than a few hours. All the anger just washes away with the tide.

"No," Will answered aloud. "Not anymore. As long as you hold up your end of the deal."

Mike nodded, driven. "I will. I promise."

---

Two hours into studying, Dustin was veering away from abstractions and into abject boredom. Lucas, situated across from him, seemed to be at a similar point.

"Been a while since we've hung out, just the two of us."

"Yeah."

Lucas took an uncanny interest in a certain point on the wall, not meeting Dustin's eyes. "You've been spending a lot of time with Max and El."

Dustin jolted. "W-what?"

Abandoning his false preoccupation with the spot on the wallpaper, Lucas gave Dustin a deadpan look. "Don't bullshit me, man. I know you are. I've called your house a couple times the past two weeks when you weren't home, and both times, your mom said you'd gone over to spend time with friends. Mike and Will didn't know what I was talking about, so obviously it's El and Max."

"Okay, okay, maybe I'm spending some time with them." A drop of sweat rolled down Dustin's back. Did Lucas know what they were doing? Had he figured out the Test?

"I'm not mad at you, man. I'm not really the one who even has anything to be mad about in the first place."

"Right," Dustin said, somewhat dejected. He had hoped to keep the Test running problem-free, and having a testee aware of it was a significant issue.

"I just… I don't want you getting your hopes up, man. The outcome's pretty obvious here - at least, as it stands."

"No, no, I lost my hopes ages ago." At this point, Mike's ultimate score was extremely unlikely to exceed the range between 'humiliating' and 'abysmal.'

Lucas gave him a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry, dude. But if it helps, I really don't think Mike and El are going to be together forever anyway. I'd bet you anything El's going to dump him at least before we graduate."

"That does help," Dustin admitted. He'd come to the same conclusion himself. "But I don't really need reassurances. I'm pretty okay with it, now."

"Really?" Lucas raised a skeptical brow. "Because it's got to hurt to have this happen all over again. First Max choosing me over you, then Suzie breaking up with you last year."

Dustin's mouth gaped open. Lucas thought that he - with El?

"Just - hang in there, okay? You ever want to rant it out, I'm here, man. Girls are hard."

Dustin wasn't really sure what emotion he was feeling, only that there was a hell of a lot of it. "Let's - let's just stop talking about this right now."

"Sure, sure, no problem. If you don't want to talk about it again, that's totally cool."

"I don't want to talk about it again."

Lucas raised his hands in surrender. "You got it."

Dustin managed a facsimile of a grateful smile. "Thanks."

"Any time, man."

---

Max laughed so hard that Dustin winced into the receiver.

"He thinks you have a crush on El?"

"I know! I think maybe it has something to with El being Will's sister - adopted sister, but come on."

"What would that have to do with anything?"

Dustin froze. He'd forgotten that he'd only told Lucas. "Um, nothing."

"What? Did you have a crush on someone's sis- oh, wait, Nancy! It was Nancy, wasn't it?"

His face was heating faster than a stovetop. "Only when I was literally 12! Okay, moving on. Ultimately, I think this is a neutral to slightly negative development."

"What? Why? You just said that he hasn't been questioning us because he thinks you have a crush on El!"

Dustin sighed. "Max, the Boyfriend Test is almost over. We're on the second-to-last question. Sooner or later, you're going to be revealing the score to Lucas and El will be revealing the score to Mike. And if we're intentially allowing Lucas to assume that I have a crush on El and that's why I've been spending so much time with you two, that means there's even more stuff to correct."

Max's blood chilled. "Holy shit. I never thought about that."

"You didn't think this was going to go on forever, did you?"

"Of course I didn't, Dustin." She snapped. "I guess I just… let myself forget. Fuck. You don't think he's going to feel, like, betrayed or anything, do you?"

"I can't speak for Lucas, but I can say that with how in love with you he is, I'd be very surprised if he doesn't forgive you within a day. Hell, within a minute."

Max paused for a moment to gather her thoughts. "Do you… do you think I could tell him after we decide the scores for question 7? Question 8 is pretty much just looking over our relationship as a whole, so I don't think him knowing will make much of a difference. And I think you're right. He doesn't have much of a temper. Not like Mike."

"Mike could double as an active volcano," Dustin agreed. "I think it's fine, Max. If you want to tell him, tell him. This whole test is for you and El and your boyfriends. It's up to you how you deploy it."

Max smiled. "Thanks, Dustin. I think I'll tell him on Saturday. You - you can be pretty cool sometimes, you know that?"

"Uh, yeah, no duh."

They both laughed into the line until a thought burned its way onto Dustin's conscious. "Hey, are you going to the art exhibit thing for Will? I know it's Thursday night, and I'm sure you have studying for Friday, but I think he'd really appreciate us all coming."

Max sighed. "You do realize he's going to spend most of the time just talking to Mike, right?"

"That doesn't mean that we can't be there. If we don't show up, he'll probably feel like we don't care."

"Ugh. Fine. Guilt-tripping bastard."

"Glad to hear it," Dustin grinned shamelessly.

---

It had been 38 hours since Max had last slept. She'd counted.

"Christ, you look like a zombie."

Max scoffed. "Gee, thanks, Dustin. I would say you look like shit too, but I'm pretty sure you only point out changes in appearance."

Dustin reared his head back slightly. "Damn, okay, I'm sorry. I was just worried because you look like you haven't slept in two days."

"38 hours, so you're pretty close."

"Do you have any idea how bad sleep deprivation is for your brain?"

"Do you have any idea how bad my Spanish grade was?" Max hissed.

"Hello, Dustin. Hello, Max," El greeted, interrupting them.

"Good to see you, El."

"Hey, El.

She grinned. "Lucas and Mike and Will are all over by his painting. Do you want to see?"

"It's kind of the only reason I'm here," Max muttered.

"Absolutely," Dustin said, attempting to muster enough positivity for the both of them.

El walked them over to where Will, Mike, Lucas, and Mrs. Byers were all standing. The painting came into view.

"Wow." Dustin gasped.

"Holy shit," Max agreed.

Before them hung the result of tens of hours of work over the last six weeks; a canvas onto which Will had painstakingly dabbed paint, stroke by meticulous stroke, into a recreation of one of the best memories he possessed from the last few years. Yellow, blue, red, orange, and purple all featured in vibrant shades, and a black outline of the bodies of the Party was overlaid upon a dazzling sunset. The yellow of the sun peaked out from the cliff's horizon, and beyond the mottled colors of the sunrise, blue swathed the rest of the painting.

It had been during their 1986 New Year's party. Will and El had moved back a few months prior, and even after he got back in Hawkins, Will never felt a single stirring from the Mind Flayer or Vecna. It had felt like they were celebrating more than just the start of a new year: more like the start of the rest of their lives. After parties with family, the Party had coalesced on the cliffs to drink beer Lucas had somehow gotten his hands on (except for Mike, of course), eat junk food, and play music loudly through Mike's AMC Eagle's stereo. While it was still dark, Will and Mike had sequestered themselves away to talk privately. Their conversation had started off with a horrible memory Will was aghast to hear, but then they'd gotten on the topic of their friendship, and those words would stay with Will for the rest of his life. They'd rejoined the Party just in time to watch the first sunrise of 1987.

Every member of the Party remembered that morning vividly as they stared at Will's artwork.

"It is beautiful, Will."

He smiled warmly at El. "Thank you."

"One of the best things you've ever made," Mike agreed.

Will tried not to let on, but he was disappointed by Mike's words. This New Year's sunrise had felt like the best thing he'd ever created - it had taken a month at the start of the semester to nail brush stroke technique, and now each of his past paintings doubled as an exposé of his amateur mistakes.

"Thanks, Mike."

The other chimed in with their own overwhelmingly positive feedback, and Will did his best to let it go.

---

At the end of the night, as they were taking the pieces off the walks and off displays and handing them back to the students, Mike approached him yet again.

"Hey, Will."

"Hey."

"Glad you got your crowd of admirers away by now. Not that you don't deserve them, because you definitely do. I guess it's just…" Mike shrugged. "I like being able to talk to you."

"I know what you mean," Will said, smiling softly.

"I still can't get over how you can make stuff like this. You know me; I can write okay, but art? Completely beyond me. Making it and knowing it. Hell, I probably couldn't tell a Monet from a Van Gogh."

Will winced involuntarily. Really? Monet from Van Gogh? "Thanks, Mike. And don't put yourself down, okay? You do fantastic writing for our campaigns. I can't wait for winter break to start so we can start making our next one."

"Me either."

It was so tempting to ask why Mike didn't like his painting as much as Will did. He couldn't resist.

"Hey, just out of curiosity, what piece do you think I made better than this painting?"

Mike blinked. "Oh. I mean, going by skill, this is obviously your best."

What? "Then why did you say it was 'one of my best' instead?"

Wide eyes and a mortified expression alerted Will to the fact that Mike had no idea what he'd implied. "Shit! Sorry, I phrased that badly. What I meant was that as amazing as this painting is, it's not my favorite."

"Why not?" Will asked, stupidly hurt.

Mike stared at Will like he'd just asked if El would rather watch Amadeus or The Breakfast Club. "Because my favorite is obviously the one you made of the Party as our characters. You know, the one that you gave me freshman year."

"Oh," Will said, face heating. "Even - even when I lied when I gave it to you?"

Mike grinned. "Yeah, dummy. I mean, don't get me wrong, I was pretty pissed when you told me that you'd lied. But really, I know that you said that you were assuming El's feelings, but it almost felt like… I don't know, like you were speaking for yourself a little when you talked about feeling different and feeling like a mistake. And I… I really feel like that sometimes, too. And when you told me that then, I felt so comforted. Like I was… seen."

"You never told me that before."

Mike's brows furrowed. "What? Of course I have. I've talked to you about feeling weird and off and like something's broken inside of me ever since we were kids."

"No, no, I meant about how you thought I was speaking for myself when I was talking to you about the painting."

"Oh. Yeah. Well, in my defense, we were spending so much time making that deal with NINA that I wasn't really focused on it. I was so freaked out that El - and Hopper, I guess - would never be able to go back to normal life."

"Mike," Will hissed softly, looking discretely around.

"Shit, sorry."

"It's fine. And yeah, Mike, you're right. I did feel like a mistake, then. And you did make me feel like I was better for being different. You still do."

Mike sported the same sappy smile that always made Will's heart do backflips. "You know you do that for me too, right? You've always made me feel like I wasn't weird. You've always made me feel… noticed. Special. And being the middle kid between two sisters, I never really got that before."

"I'm so glad. That's my biggest job as your best friend, you know."

He stared at Will expectantly, a small grin on his face. "What is?"

Will reddened. Friends could say how much they cared about each other, right? Even using a more… significant word?

"You know, to show you how much I-"

"Hey, sweetheart! Oh, hi, Mike!"

They both turned to look at Will's mom, smiling proudly as she approached them. Disappointment dropped like a stone in Will's stomach.

Mike shrugged at him when their eyes met again, speaking through his eyes. When do our moments not get interrupted?

True, Will silently answered, smiling wryly.

They both chatted with Will's mom until the rest of the Party rejoined them to give their final compliments and well-wishes for finals. Will took his painting from the wall, wrapped it carefully in cloth, and started walking outside with the rest of his family - and Mike, of course, who hovered nearby like an endearing mosquito.

Just as they were making their way out the door, Will grabbed Mike's wrist and tugged him to the side.

"What is it?"

"So, just to be clear, your favorite painting by me is the one I gave you because of what I said to you when I gave it?"

Mike nodded, though he wore a guise of bewilderment. "Yeah?"

Will inhaled. "Mike. I made this painting because I wanted to capture that New Year's party we had those first few hours of 1987. You know, it's probably my favorite memory, save the day I first met you. We celebrated together on Thanksgiving and Christmas after we moved back, sure, but this was the first time we were able to have fun, party around, and feel like there were only blue skies ahead."

"I felt that way, too," Mike murmured.

"And the funny thing is, I had this moment where I was completely devastated when I was celebrating that morning. That was when you told me about the time-"

"That I stepped off the cliff," Mike whispered.

Will pressed his lips together. "Yeah. And when you said that, I swear my heart just shattered for a split second."

"I'm sorry," Mike said, eyes shining.

"You don't have to be sorry, Mike. For one, you shouldn't be apologizing for something you did when you were an overwhelmed, threatened, and traumatized kid. Two, less than five minutes later, I was ridiculously happy because of you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Will confirmed. "Because you told me that the only thing that mattered to you right then was me. And because I was gone, you felt - crazy. But when I came back, you realized…" He looked to Mike, wordlessly requesting for him to continue.

"…I realized that I could never do anything like that again. Because you weren't gone, you never had been, and as long as there's a single chance that you're still around, I can't risk my life like that. I can never risk… not being there for you. I think that was why as much as I enjoyed freshman year before Vecna messed things up, I still felt… like something was missing."

"I felt like that, too," Will said. Obviously worse than Mike did, given that he was in love with the other boy, but Mike had always been a little overdramatic. "And then I told you that our friendship helped make me who I am, and you told me the same thing and that I made you a better person, and then Max came by and said we needed to move our asses before we missed the sunrise."

"Yeah." Mike laughed.

"So I was - well, a little horrified for a bit that you had almost died and I never knew, but then I felt so stupidly happy that we were there, that we had all our friends around us, and that we were starting a year where we were completely… free."

"I did, too." Mike's face was as bright as a sunlit sea.

"And having you by me was what made it all the more special, you know? We spent, like, two hours straight just talking. The things we said to each other are incredibly precious to me. And that's why… that's why I wanted to know if you wanted to have it."

Mike gaped at him. "You mean - the painting?" He pointed at the cloth-swathed piece under Will's arm. "That painting?"

"Yeah."

Mike broke out into a blinding grin. "Of course I want your amazing painting, Will! Hell, after all that stuff you said, it's probably my new favorite."

"I'm so glad," Will said, unable to suppress a corresponding smile. "I know how much you love my art, so I figured, what better person to have it?"

Mike looked giddy as Will handed it over to him. "You spoil me, you know that?"

"Of course I do," Will admitted, unabashed. "I like spoiling you. It means I get a permanent showcase in the form of your room. In a way, you're really gifting me, too."

"I'm the one getting your art," Mike laughed. "I'm pretty sure I'm getting the better end of the deal."

"Agree to disagree," Will said with a smile.

---

"Zero gifts?"

"Zero," Max confirmed. "For finals week, mind you, and who the hell has time or energy to give gifts away on finals week?"

Dustin groaned. "Don't fly off the handle, okay? I'm well aware that it was a long shot. The only gift-giving that happened to anyone I know this last week was Will giving Mike that painting, and, I mean, it's Mike and Will." It was a statement that required no additional explanation.

"Has Mike always gotten Will's art?"

"Oh, yeah," Dustin laughed. "Mike has this whole binder of Will's art going back to elementary school."

"I think it is sweet," El said.

"I'm man enough to admit that it's a little cute."

"So, Dustin, what signs of appreciation or whatever did you notice?"

He brightened. "Well, El, Mike got you a Dr. Pepper for lunch on Wednesday and offered you his, admittably, absolutely pathetic notes for your statistics final, and Max, Lucas brought you those gross oatmeal creme pies as a study snack on Tuesday and offered to try to help you cheat for your bio final, so that's 2 times for both Mike and Lucas."

"I have to admit that Mike does do a non-awful job giving you stuff," Max told El.

"So, I say that in five days, that's a good amount, especially during finals, so I say both deserve a 4."

"Lucas definitely deserves a 4," Max agreed.

"I think Mike and Lucas should both get a 4," El said decidedly.

"Cool. Top score for both of them."

It was the first 4 Mike had gotten since they'd started the Test. El was somewhat ashamed she was so surprised. She should remember that at least in some ways, Mike really was a decent boyfriend.

"Good," El said.

Maybe there is a chance that I can make him change. Maybe I should not throw this relationship away.

"Mike's not that bad," Dustin said.

"Mmm, I don't know about that." Max laughed.

QUESTION 7:

Lucas: 4 points

Mike: 4 points

COMPOSITE POINTS:

Lucas: 27 points

Mike: 14 points

Chapter Text

Lucas knew something was wrong from the moment he laid eyes on Max. Her gaze was downcast, her lip was bitten red, and she had on that grimace that meant she'd been stewing over something.

"Can, um, can I talk to you?"

His brow furrowed. Max wasn't going to break up with him - she'd given no indication she was remotely unhappy with their relationship. But whatever it was, it clearly had to do with the two of them specifically. Then again, Max had been spending a lot of time with El and Dustin lately…

Realization dawned.

"Oh, sure, sure, yeah. Privately?"

"Yeah," she murmured sheepishly, and they began ascending the stairs.

Erica's door was open, and she stared at Max resolutely from where she was sitting at her desk, a mess of papers and books before her. "Have you finally come to your senses?"

"What?"

She gave Max a deadpan stare. "Uh, breaking up with my idiot brother because he's a lame nerd and you're about 2 miles above his league?"

"Erica," Lucas hissed, infuriated.

"I'm not breaking up with Lucas."

Erica sighed and shook her head. "Another time, I guess."

"Nice try, lil' sis. Come on, Max."

Once they made it into Lucas' bedroom, he took a few seconds to hurriedly throw clothes into his hamper and straighten his bed. "Sorry. Um, didn't know you'd be coming."

"It's fine," Max reassured him.

They sat down on his bed, and Lucas sighed. "I think I know what this is about."

"Lucas, I really, really doubt that."

His eyes were wide and intent. "No, seriously, Max, I've been paying closer attention than you guys probably thought I was. I know what's really going on."

"You - you do?" Max questioned, stunned. Did he found the Boyfriend Test lying around or something?

"I do," Lucas said gravely. "And let me just say that you have no reason to feel guilty about any of this, especially for waiting so long to talk to me about it."

"I can't believe you figured it out," Max said, shaking her head.

"Yeah. I had this really dumb theory at first about what it could be, but then I got a bit more evidence and it all came together pretty quickly."

"Just - are you really okay with it? I mean, I'm basically talking behind your back about how good of a boyfriend you are. The whole thing's a little… I don't know, impersonal. I think I got a little carried away with the whole thing."

Lucas stared at her, agape. "You - what the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the Boyfriend Test, what are you talking about?"

Lucas sputtered. "I'm talking about how El and Dustin are having an emotional affair!"

"What?!"

He blinked, wrong-footed. "Oh. So, is it just Dustin, then?"

"Jesus Christ, Lucas, just because a boy and a girl like hanging out together doesn't mean they're - in love!"

"Okay, fine, sure, I guess that makes sense," Lucas grumbled.

"What's actually going on is a test that me and El made. For boyfriends. We kind of… um, designed this evaluation thing for how good of a boyfriend you both were. Dustin found out because we needed help with figuring out the grading process, and then he wanted to join, so that's why he knew before you. I'm really sorry I didn't tell you earlier." Her eyes were downcast, and her body was steeped in regret.

"O-kaaaaay," Lucas said, face wrinkled in concentration. "So, you basically did some quiz version of gossiping about your boyfriend with El, and Dustin was there too?"

"I guess."

"Then you don't have to be sorry. I don't care. If it helps you figure out any kind of problems from my end, and you give me a chance to fix them, it's a hell of a lot better than just breaking up with me until I figure it out. It's totally fine."

"Lucas," Max said firmly. "I never should have broken up with you without any explanation."

"You haven't broken up with me in, like, a year and a half - well, except for last week, but that didn't really count. You've apologised and you explained why you were in a bad place. You've got nothing to worry about." Lucas laughed lightly as if they were talking about some puerile misunderstanding.

Max sighed. "Yeah, I know. But I think breaking up with you that summer before freshman year for basically no reason combined with dumping you just a few months later gave you… I don't know. It's like you're still waiting for me to break up with you again. Like no matter how good our relationship is going, you're still worried you're not doing enough."

"I mean…" Lucas shifted uncomfortably.

"Erica just asked if I was breaking up with you again, and you didn't even say 'of course not!' Her asking in the first place proves my point!"

"She's my sister. She was just joking around. Really, Max."

She took Lucas' hand in hers, staring imploringly. "You love me so much. I love you so much. I just… I wish that you didn't have that… paranoia, I guess."

"I can't deny that I still get a little on edge about it," Lucas admitted.

"I… I told El that if you got a bad score, I'd break up with you, as long as she'd dump Mike if he got a bad score. Which is so dumb, because I never want to break up with you again, unless you did something insane or turned into a completely different person. But I still said it. And I'm really sorry for that."

"You never want to break up with me again?" Lucas asked breathlessly.

"Yeah," Max said softly. "Of course. I'm in love with you, Lucas. That's why I'm so mad at myself for telling El that."

She put a hand to the back of Lucas' neck and dragged him in for a long kiss. When they seperated, she smiled warmly.

"You know you can be mad at me, right?"

"Of course. But Max, just in case you haven't noticed, I'm in love with you too. I understand you and the choices you make, and I know for this one, you didn't do it out of malice. It's okay."

Max swallowed. "I think if you did a Girlfriend Test for me, I'd definitely get a lower score than you will."

"Well, you're perfect in my book."

Her face flushed. "Shut it. I'm just saying I want to do better, okay?"

"I wouldn't complain." Lucas laughed, kissing Max with relish.

---

"Lingered by the flyposter for a fight…"

El nodded along to the beat, the wire of her headphones moving with every shift of her head.

"It's the same story every night…"

"Hey, El?" Will called, knocking on the door.

She pulled her headphones off, frowning. "What is it?"

"El? Can I… um, talk to you?" Mike's voice asked tentatively.

What was Mike doing here?

El rushed off her bed, tossing her Walkman to the side before making her way to the door, pulling it open.

Both boys stood in front of her bedroom with about as much energy as roadkill. Mike was hunched so severely he appeared shorter than Will, who had a strange solemnity to him that sent alarm bells ringing in El's head.

What is going on?

"I'll let you two talk," Will said, giving Mike a short nod before dashing down the hall. Mike stared helplessly after him.

"Mike? You wanted to talk to me?"

He jerked his head over to her, his eyes as wide and guilty as a cornered thief's.

"Well?"

"Yes. Yeah, um, I want to talk to you."

She led him awkwardly into her room, taking a seat on her bed and motioning her head to incline Mike to do the same. He sat down a few feet away from her, jaw tensing as he stared at the floor. Two hours ago, El had pondered a rethinking of her and Mike's relationship. But now, with Mike elegiac as he refused to meet her gaze, El wondered if her earlier assessment had been accurate after all.

"You look sad."

Mike huffed a mirthless laugh. "Yeah. That's pretty accurate."

"What is wrong?"

Mike's head slumped as he stared into his lap. Slowly, he took a breath.

"What did you think of that, um, confession I made to you? When you were fighting Vecna."

El startled slightly. She hadn't remotely expected this long-past moment to be brought up. Mike's miserable guise had given the impression he was about to break up with her.

She realized belatedly that Mike was still waiting for an answer. He was eying her with inexplicable dread.

"I loved it. You finally said 'I love you,' and you told me that you loved me with and without my powers. You told me lots of very nice things. It was perfect. It helped us win the fight against Henry."

Mike's eyes had grown distant as she gave her reply. His knee tapped in a rapid, discordant rhythm. He was weighted by some invisible force that gained in mass seemingly by the second.

"Mike?"

He snapped his head over to her. There was something in his eyes she could not label. Mike's dread proved contagious.

"Did you know that on every single letter I sent to you between Vecna's defeat and you moving back to Hawkins, I wrote the last part first?"

Initially, El couldn't fathom why Mike would write his letters out of order, and even less why he was bringing it up over a year later. Then, her eyes widened as she remembered one element she had thrilled over, the singular change from the letters he had previously sent: "Love, Mike."

"You started saying 'Love' instead of 'From.'"

"Yeah. I did," Mike confirmed in a dull monotone.

"Why are you bringing this up? Why is this making you so sad?"

All of Mike's energy visibly evacuated his body. "Because… it was true," he admitted in a frail, tremulous voice.

El blinked. "Yes. So why are you-"

"But it also wasn't true, El!"

She felt more out of her depth than she had on her first day of public school. "Mike, you are not making any sense."

He looked back down to his lap, chastised. "I care about you so much, El. You're one of the closest people to me. You've saved my life and my friends' lives more times than I can count. You're the reason why Will isn't rotting in the Upside Down. But whenever I say out loud or in writing that I love you, it feels…" He trailed off, shaking his head slowly as his brows furrowed.

"Like a lie?" El suggested, a needle of ice piercing her chest.

"No." Mike said emphatically, turning to meet her eyes. "No. It doesn't feel like lying. It feels… wrong. Shit, sorry, that sounds really bad. I guess it feels… like going to an Italian place and seeing hamburgers on the menu. It's not… bad wrong, it just doesn't… fit."

El had absolutely no clue what to do with that. "It doesn't feel right to say you love me?"

"Okay, you know what? That whole Italian restaurant thing doesn't work. Right. New metaphor. So saying that I love you is more like… um… it's like picking up a book, a paperback, that weighs as much as a brick. And you're like, 'whoa, hey, this shouldn't be this heavy!' But it is, so you feel kind of weird every time you pick it up and you have to act like it's normal, because your girlfriend picks it up all the time like it's nothing, but she keeps asking you again and again to pick it up and it still feels just as wrong as it did the first time!"

He heaved for breath, exhausted.

El swallowed. “Mike… are you trying to tell me that you love me, but are not in love with me?"

He stared firmly at the ground, hunched over with his elbows on his thighs. The fingers of his right hand were engaged in a rapid flicker towards his palm.

“Mike.”

With great reluctance, he raised his head and turned to look at her, jaw clenched. "I… I don't know."

"Okay."

"That's not - look, there's some more stuff, alright?"

El waited.

Mike heaved a sigh. “So, the first thing you have to understand was that literally hours earlier, Will was telling me how much you needed me and how I made you feel better for being different. And now I know that he was just telling me what he thought you felt, because he wants us to be together forever and probably get married and everything, but then, it felt like you… like you understood me. Like you knew all the little insecurities and things I hated about myself. And so when I was giving that speech and everything, I was trying to connect with you as much as it felt like you connected to me."

"I don't know what you are trying to tell me."

He groaned in exasperation, running his hands through his fringe. "There were things that I said to you then that weren't… true. Like, not just feeling not-true, but actually not true."

"You lied to me," El deadpanned.

Mike was very determinedly looking away from her. He was ever-so-slightly shaking, almost vibrating where he sat tensely on her lavender sheets. His thigh bounced frantically. "I was - I was trying to save your life. I was trying to be… a good boyfriend. A normal boyfriend."

"That does not mean it was okay to lie."

“Yeah,” Mike croaked. “I know. And I…” At last, he turned to meet her eyes again. “I’m so fucking sorry. I really am.”

"What did you lie about?"

Mike breathed slowly. "I lied… about loving you the moment I first saw you. That my life started the moment I first saw you. And I lied about… never being scared of you."

Silence hung like a weight in the oppressive air.

"That… makes sense," El managed. She remembered thinking that his words were miles beyond what she'd expected to get from him, considering Mike's apparent allergy to saying 'I love you' and the impenetrable distance between them.

“You don’t have to forgive me, okay?” Mike said, an edge of desperation to his voice. “You don’t. Hell, you can break up with me on the spot.”

“I need… I need to think, Mike!" She snapped harshly. "You can't - tell me that the words that made me believe in our relationship again, that kept our relationship alive this long, were lies and expect me to know what to say, know what to do!"

Mike stared pensively at the floor, his body rigid. El couldn't interpret his emotions. He was anxious, obviously, but she had absolutely no clue if he was devastated, elated, or somewhere in between in regards to the possibility of breaking up. She took a ragged breath.

The door flung open with a harsh jerk. El dragged the back of her hand under her nose and gave Mike a significant look. He blinked at her owlishly.

"Get. Out."

Mike gulped, nodding almost frantically. "Yeah. I'll - get out. I'm sorry."

After Mike rushed out her bedroom and made his way out of the house, an approaching figure caught her attention from the warmly lit hallway. He gave El a wan smile.

"Will."

"You look like you could use a night of bad TV and buckets of popcorn," he said, flickering his gaze over towards the front door then back again.

"Yes," El replied, relief flooding inside her. "I could."

 ---

"Uh… did something, um, happen?"

El gave a smile as broad, stiff, and wooden as a rowboat. If Max or Dustin squinted, they probably could have seen the splinters.

"I thought we were going to go over Mike and Lucas for question 8," El said, a steely edge to her voice.

"We don't have to talk about it right now if you don't want to, but you should know we're always here to lis-"

"Great! Let's do that."

Dustin's brows quirked. "You… want us to listen?"

"I want to not talk about it," El said firmly. "So. I think that Lucas has been very invested in your relationship, Max. He loves you very much, he is a very good boyfriend, and I think if I went into his head I would see gross romantic stuff about wanting to marry you and have your babies."

"That is grossly biologically impossible," Dustin interjected.

"He deserves a 4." Max's voice lacked a single trace of doubt. "You know, I actually… told him about the Test yesterday. It was only an hour or something after we figured out the last question. And he just… accepted it. Told me it was totally fine because he loved me and understood why I did it."

"Lucas should get a 4."

"Agreed," Dustin nodded, jotting it down.

"What about Mike? I feel like he's going to be tricky to figure out."

El blinked at her, intrigued. "Why?"

Max huffed a laugh. "Because he always seems to be so dedicated to you and keeping your relationship, but he never acts like he enjoys it. He's shelled out for a Mustang, but he doesn't even seem to like driving it."

"Yeah, pretty much," Dustin added.

El's expression shuttered. "Yes. I think you are right."

"So, what score should he get?"

"He should get a 4," El declared.

"Is he not getting a 4 or something?" Dustin questioned.

Max's eyes widened in realization. "Oh, I get it. He should get a 4, but he doesn't deserve a 4."

"He deserves a 0," El commented darkly.

Dustin and Max gaped.

"Okay, you and Mike definitely had a huge fight."

"If you mention me and Mike in the same sentence again, I think I will make something explode."

"Noted," Dustin said faintly.

Max gave her a soft, benevolent smile. "You want me to talk about how much of a dickhead Mike is?"

"No," El sighed. "I want… I want to talk about Dustin's… scoring categories."

Dustin flinched, blinking harshly at the dramatic redirection. "I - um, sure. So, uh, you know how I'm doing it on a 4-quadrant chart?"

The girls nodded.

"Right. Uh, so I figured out that a regular chart wouldn't make sense. You know what? I'll just show it to you; I've got it in my pocket." He withdrew a very tightly folded square of grid-lined paper from his jeans pocket. It immediately began unfolding as if gasping for air. After at least 30 seconds of monotonous motions, Dustin revealed the chart, which now looked starkly different: the axes were labelled the same, but slanted lines on each side transformed the graph into a tilted square.

"What the hell is that?"

Dustin shot Max a look of disdain. "A radar chart, you math-illiterate plebian."

"What does radar have to do with our Test?" El puzzled.

"Just think of it as a regular 4-quadrant chart, just turned on its side and with the points in each section connected with a line. It means that we can plot the scores in each of the 4 categories I made."

"Oh, okay," El said, nodding.

"That was a lot nicer than the answer you gave me," Max muttered.

"El was a lot nicer in asking me. Now, let me just add up the score in the 'dedicated' category…"

After a couple minutes, Dustin was drawing little symbols on the oddly shaped chart, looking to the Boyfriend Test's final scores for reference. As he connected the lines, two shapes were revealed: one a short, lateral line, and the other an irregular polygon with small triangles for each point.

"The dots are Lucas, and the triangles are Mike."

"Mike did that well?" Max questioned, astounded.

"What? No. It's pretty obvious that Lucas did better than Mike; he got 31 points to Mike's 18. See, the whole point of this visualization is to reveal the problems of each boyfriend surveyed, not to show their scores. That's why I did it based off of the points they didn't get, rather than the ones they did."

"Mike is a bad boyfriend," El surmised.

He shrugged. "According to the parameters we've set, yes."

"Didn't you say you had specific categories or something for boyfriends?"

Dustin's eyes lit up. "Yes! Thanks for reminding me. So, I thought I would have the highest number of missed points determine the category. But Lucas only missed a single point in this whole test, so I don't really think it's fair to put him in the 'insensitive' category. Besides, I'm pretty sure he can practically read your mind, Max, so asking you how you're doing isn't super relevant anyway."

"Yeah, that's Lucas," Max said, a smile spreading unconsciously across her face.

"Mike is… a different story. He missed the most points on 'attentiveness,' which places him solidly in the 'inattentive' category. He was only one point better with 'sensitive,' so I feel like he should be classified as 'insensitive' too."

"He did okay in 'giving,'" El commented.

"Yeah, he did."

"So, Mike has been proven to be an inattentive and insensitive boyfriend," Max concluded.

"Yes. He has," El said, a gleam in her eyes.

---

"Will, could I talk to you?"

He dropped his pencil with a jolt of guilt, eying the half-finished sketch of Mike's face with dread. With a quick motion, he closed the sketchbook, hoping desperately the charcoal wouldn't smudge. Will looked up to El with an unconvincing smile.

"Drawing something?"

"Nothing relevant," Will said, instantly cursing himself for the reply. Thankfully, El couldn't care less about the subject of his sketch, and she simply nodded.

"Oh! Yeah, of course you can talk to me. Come in."

Will's room was remarkably similar to his one in Lenora. He still had up his R.E.M. and Little Shop of Horrors posters, a slight mess of art supplies scattered permanently across his desk, and pictures of him, his friends, and his family across the walls. It made sense: Will hadn't really changed since he'd moved back. He'd only become more confident and satisfied with who he already was.

El sat on the edge of the bed, right against the Hall & Oates poster Mike had gotten him as a joke. Will sat down a couple feet away, providing her with a hesitant smile.

"Is there anything you wanted to talk about?"

"You said yesterday that if I wanted to talk to you about anything, you'd always be willing to listen."

He nodded, unable to suppress a rush of dread.

She stared at him with apology written in her gaze. "I know that Mike told you the truth about his confession to me."

Will's heart dropped to his stomach. "Oh."

"I am not mad," El said evenly. "I know that he told you he was going to tell me, or you would have told me the truth already."

"Yes," Will croaked. "El, I - I never wanted to-"

"It's okay," she murmured. "You didn't do anything wrong."

He heaved a frustrated sigh. "I'm still sorry, El."

"Can I - can I talk to you? About Mike? I think you are the only person who is close enough to me and Mike that you can be… even."

"Unbiased," Will provided, stomach turning at the irony.

"Yes. Unbiased."

"Tell me anything you want, El."

SHe pressed her lips together, averting her gaze. "I told Mike that it was okay. That I understood why he did it. But I needed space."

"Of course, El. If you want, I can - I can stop hanging out with him for a bit, while you're still-"

"No," El interrupted sharply. "No. You do not need to do that."

"I know, but if you're mad at him and you want me to show I'm on your side, I promise I'll do it. Maybe it'll get it through his thick head that he can't just lie about stuff like this for so long."

"He told me that he did not know if he was in love with me," El mused.

Will gaped, dumbfounded. "He - what?"

"And I know that he believed that," she said softly. "But I think that Mike has problems sometimes with his feelings. With understanding his feelings."

"Yeah. I agree." Will nodded. Of course Mike was in love with El.

"That is why I think he is not in love with me. He never was."

Will had no clue how to react. It felt like his world was shattering underneath him.

El sighed. "I think it is very… telling that he had to force himself to tell me he loved me. He thought it was too… heavy."

"Oh," Will said through half-numb lips.

"I am not mad at him. Well, I was mad for a little bit, but not anymore."

"That's good," Will managed. "That's - that's really good. Not that you can't be mad at him, because you can, but because I don't want this weighing on you longer than it has to."

"Yes," El agreed. "I do not want it weighing on me. I want to be free from it."

"Great. Look, El, even if Mike isn't… in love with you, I'm sure he'll get there eventually. Mike just takes a while to attach to people, I'm sure he's like that with romance, too. He loves you. He likes you. Maybe in a year or something, he'll be in love with you, too."

El looked at him skeptically. "That is… an idea."

"You know what I think you should do? I think you guys should go on a date. It's been a couple weeks, hasn't it? It'll give you a chance to reconcile."

She nodded slowly. "I think… I will ask him to go to the diner tomorrow."

Will was long used to the ache in his chest that providing aid to Mike and El's relationship always left him with. He didn't even wince. "There you go. I'm sure this whole fight will be irrelevant by the end of your date."

El's lips curved into a smile. "Yes. I think so, too."

---

QUESTION 8:

Lucas: 4 points

Mike: 4 points

TOTAL SCORES:

Lucas: 31 points (97%)

Mike: 18 points (56%)

A = Giving (Questions 6 and 7)

B = Attentive (Questions 2 and 3)

C = Dedicated (Questions 5 and 8)

D = Sensitive (Questions 1 and 4)

Lucas: 

A = -0 points
B = -0 points
C = -0 points
D = -1 point

Mike: 

A = -2 points
B = -5 points
C = -3 points
D = -4 points

Chapter Text

This was probably the most fun El had had with Mike for a long time. They'd gotten coffee together, then gone to a nearby park to walk around through the gentle flurries of snow. Frigid air blew harshly around them, but the coffee warmed their hands. Perhaps it was so nice because they'd hardly spoken at all and El hadn't even attempted so much as to hold Mike's hand, let alone kiss him.

Mike appeared temperate and quiet, watching the snowflakes drift by. El realized that he hadn't said a single thing except his order.

"Tell me about something you think is interesting."

Mike stared at her over his coffee cup, filled with such an abominable number of creamer and sugar packets that it was nearly as blanched as Mike himself. "Uh, really?"

"Yes."

"El, you never want to hear about what I think is interesting. Every time I tell you about the impact of William the Conqueror on beheading or the difference between serfs and peasants, you always tell me something like 'Mike, can we eat our food now' or 'Mike, I don't want to hear about disemboweling on a date.'"

"I am sorry," El lied smoothly. Was it really that much to ask for Mike not to talk about gore, death, and oppressive feudal systems? "I am not as happy to hear… those things. Maybe talk about music you think is good?"

"Okay." Mike smiled. "You know, I think you'll be happy to hear I've been listening to some of the music you said you liked! Michael Jackson and Pet Shop Boys. Well, I mean, I already was kinda following Michael Jackson, but mostly just for his music videos. He always looks super cool. I think he was better in, like, '84, though. Less creepy looking. But the Pet Shop Boys? Fucking awesome! Way more relatable than Michael Jackson, even if he's nicer to watch."

"Thank you, Mike. I appreciate it."

Mike took another long sip of vaguely coffee-flavored beverage. "Yeah, yeah, no problem. I meant to listen to the stuff you like earlier, but I sort of forgot until I found this piece of paper in my pants pocket with the artists you liked on it. I guess that's something, at least?"

"It is something," El agreed. "But Mike, I like Janet Jackson, not Michael Jackson."

"Oh. Sorry." Mike laughed nervously. "I'm not good with details."

"I know," El said. It was true, though it did hurt a little sometimes when Mike could point out the inaccuracies in the armor of a knight illustration but couldn't remember the way El liked her Eggos.

They lapsed into silence for a while, sipping their coffees and watching the snowflakes drift slowly down from the pale sky. It was the nicest date they'd ever been on, and it wasn't really a date at all.

"Mike," El said casually. "I am breaking up with you. For good."

There was a loud, wet sputter as Mike choked on his coffee.

"Are you okay?"

"Wha- you're breaking up with me?!"

"Yes."

Mike's face contorted in guilt. "Look, is this about the whole… Surfer Boy Pizza thing?"

"You think I am breaking up with you because of pizza?"

"No! No, I mean, that was where I did that whole not-completely-true love confession. I kind of thought you'd forgiven me, because that was what you said when you set up this date in the first-"

"Mike," El interrupted lowly. "I understand why you lied. But that is not why. You telling me the truth about it hurt, but I did forgive you."

"Then why would you want to break up? You're not making any sense, El!" His voice was imbued with an indignant anger that flared her own temper in return.

"You scored 18! That was how bad of a boyfriend you were!"

Mike's brow furrowed. "What are you talking about?"

El hadn't intended on revealing it so bluntly. "Me and Max made a… test. An experiment. To see how good of a boyfriend you are. You scored 18 out of 32. That is a failing score."

"Can I see it?"

El bit her lip. The graph was clearly out of the question - Dustin had written "INATTENTIVE" and "INSENSITIVE" in huge letters next to Mike's results. As for the actual test, she and Max had written Lucas and Mike's scores right next to each other, which was great for determining which boy was the better boyfriend, but devastating to any functioning ego. "…No."

"Why not?"

"I will show you later, okay?" Once your scores are rewritten on a seperate piece of paper. "But the most important thing is that you and me are not happy together. You had to force yourself to say that you loved me. But there are also little things. You do not like dates. I do not like dates anymore because I realized you do not like them. You want to be different. I want to be normal. We do not want or like the same things, and that is why dating does not work for us."

"I don't think that's true."

"Mike." El stated. "Do you enjoy being my boyfriend?"

"Yeah!"

"What things about it do you like?"

"I…" Mike paused, a baffled expression crossing his face. "Huh."

"See?"

Mike sputtered. "Well, that doesn't mean we should break up!"

"Of course it does!"

"I don't understand."

She sighed with great effort. "Mike, I cannot explain logic to you. Just know it does make sense, and hopefully, one day you will understand why."

Mike's expression was frozen in mingled concentration and confusion.

"Mike, I know I asked you for a date, but I really wanted to see what it was like hanging out together as friends, not boyfriend-girlfriend. This whole time, we did not kiss. We did not hold hands. We have been friends, and that has been very nice. I think I will like being friends more than dating you."

"Oh." Mike blinked. "Yeah. It was really nice."

"You're not… mad at me, right?"

"I'm just confused."

El sighed gently through her nose. "I am confused, too. About why we stayed together for so long when neither of us was happy. I am not stupid, Mike. I do not want to be in a relationship with you that is stupid."

Mike sighed, hanging his head. "It wasn't… it was never supposed to be like this. To end. That was never the plan."

"Sometimes, things don't go to plan," El said quietly. "Sometimes, you need a new one. And right now, my plan is to be myself. Without a boyfriend."

Mike stared at her helplessly.

"Goodbye, Mike," she said. She picked up her coffee and walked back down the snowy path to her car. The snowflakes gathered on her heavy coat with every step, but El felt lighter than she had in years.

---

“Oh,” Dustin said weakly.

“Eesh,” Lucas cringed.

Mike gave a great gust of a self-pitying sigh from where he was draped on the sofa like a decorative blanket. “I know. I can barely believe it either.”

“Um, did she tell you why?” Dustin asked, locking eyes with Lucas.

Should we tell him about the Boyfriend Test?

Are you fucking out of your mind, Dustin? No! He’ll find out I got a way higher score and throw a fit!

I was the one who knew from the start. Mike would eviscerate me.

That’s on you, Dustin.

Mike interrupted much like he would have if they were actually speaking aloud. “She said something about how… God, this is gonna sound insane, but she was doing this experiment on me, apparently?"

Oh, shit. Lucas thought.

“Oh, yeah.” Dustin said nonchalantly.

Lucas shot Dustin a glare that promised agonizing, fiery death upon him if he spoke another word. Dustin, who was decidedly a fan of walking and breathing, hurriedly cleared his throat. “Wow! I mean, um, yeah, girls do crazy stuff like that sometimes.”

“Oh my God, yes!” Mike emphasized, flinging his hands forward with every word. “I swear, every single thing El does with me in our relationship – did, I guess – has never made any sense at all.”

Dustin furrowed his brows. He had been under the impression that El wanted Mike to enthusiastically go on dates with her, know the bare minimum about her interests, and give her kisses and hugs. None of it had seemed particularly out of the ordinary, except for the fact that she wanted to do it with Mike, who was the human equivalent of a stick insect.

“What do you mean?” Lucas asked, baffled.

“Okay, so, she always wanted to kiss. Like, all the time. Constantly.”

“Huh,” Dustin intoned.

“You think that doesn’t make sense?” Lucas asked, entirely lost.

Mike looked at both of them like they’d just asked if the Upside Down was a nice vacation spot. “Uh, yeah? Because it doesn’t?”

“Just – do you think you could explain to us why that seems strange to you?” It was a question so useful and non-Mike-provoking that Lucas gave Dustin an admiring look. Dustin accepted it proudly.

Mike lifted his head from the sofa to stare at them quizzically. “Uh, I guess?”

“Please,” Lucas said, close to begging.

To their great relief, Mike relented. “So, I get that kissing and holding hands and stuff is normal. Honestly, I don’t really mind the pecks or the hand-holding that much. But she kept on wanting to make out? Like, make out in private. Even when it was obvious that it wasn’t working.”

“Wasn’t… working?” Lucas asked, stupefied.

“Did you guys just keep missing each other’s lips or something? Did El accidentally make out with a bedpost instead of your wooden block of a head?”

“Hey!”

“I’m sorry,” Dustin lied soothingly. “It’s just… me and Lucas still aren’t really getting it.”

Mike groaned theatrically, morphing into a half-snarl of frustration as he pulled himself up to stare at Dustin and Lucas with impassioned eyes.

“She wanted to kiss, when we didn’t have to, even though it sucked to the highest degree! Is that enough for you guys to finally understand?”

Dustin and Lucas looked to each other wordlessly.

Is Mike making even the slightest bit of sense to you?

Not a bit.

“Why did it suck?” Lucas implored.  

“Look, me and El haven’t kissed literally anyone except each other! We’re terrible at it! And she wanted to do these whole make-out sessions anyway!”

“You guys have been – sorry, were together for three years. And in those three years, you never improved in terms of kissing skills?” Dustin sounded desperate. Lucas sympathized.

Mike’s expression scrunched, obviously deeply in thought. Dustin and Lucas, all too aware of the rarity of such an occasion, didn’t dare make a sound. After a soft hum, Mike nodded to himself, then looked to them both.

“Guys… I think I understand it now.”

“You do?” Lucas said, stunned.

“I’m the one that’s bad at kissing.” Mike revealed. “It makes sense. I’ve never really understood other people much. I’ve never had good people skills. So it makes sense that I would suck at that kinda stuff, too.”

“Wow.” Dustin said, stunned. “That actually almost does make sense.”

“Yeah. Wow.” Lucas added, similarly shocked.

“Wait, what do you mean, ‘almost?’”

“I mean that it’s obviously not the real answer, but there is genuine logic behind it.”

“Oh,” Mike muttered, dejected.

Lucas, in the wake of Mike’s understandable frustration with his own flawed reasoning skills, belatedly found a discrepancy in Mike’s words. Something that simply didn't add up; something that stood out in his narrative like a house on fire.

“Mike.”

“Huh?”

“You… you said kissing with El ‘sucked.’ But you and El were kissing all the time.”

“Uh, yeah,” Mike said scathingly. “She wanted to kiss, so I had to kiss her. It wasn’t like I could just tell her I hated it.”

Lucas winced. Maybe he'd had this all wrong. “Damn, Mike, I’m sorry, man, you must be feeling awful. I mean, if terrible kissing wasn’t a deal-breaker, you must have been insanely into her.”

Mike blinked at Lucas in shock. “I…” He turned his head to the side with a deeply concentrated expression. “Huh. I don’t really think so, actually, now that I think about it.”

“Wh-what?” Dustin managed.

“Yeah, no, because I really don’t feel that bad. Kinda frustrated, but not sad or anything. And I have to admit I was a little bummed when El decided to take me back after we broke up just before the Mind Flayer showdown.”

“You were ‘bummed?’ But – you were so fucking annoying about El breaking up with you – oh, wait." Lucas blinked. "You were annoying, not sad. You were way more upset over that fight between you and Will.”

“Mike and Will had a fight then?” Dustin asked.

“Oh, yeah, it was awful. Me and Mike were both super cut out because our girlfriends had broken up with us, and we weren’t paying attention at all to Will’s campaign. Will got pissed off, told us to forget about it, and then he and Mike fought in the rain before Will biked home while it was still pouring out.”

“God, that was awful.” Mike said to himself, face turning somber.

“But you were always so all over El. How could you have been all over her if you weren’t that into her?”

Privately, Lucas thought that it actually was very possible. Mike sometimes got sort of… obsessed with people, sometimes. Will, most prominently, but he’d done it with Lucas before he officially joined the Party (and Max, arguably, though in a different way) as well as with an assortment of movie stars like Harrison Ford and Michael J. Fox.

“I mean, she had superpowers and she saved Will. And she was really sweet, too, even if she didn’t really know how to communicate normally and stuff. She kinda reminded me of a puppy.”

“Jesus Christ, Mike, I can’t believe she ever started dating you in the first place.” Lucas said, shaking his head.

“Hey, hey, I didn’t say that was how I still felt! That was just the first year and a half after I met her. After that, she became one of my friends. One of my best friends, I mean, I love her! Just not – like that.”

“Mike, this is gonna sound really bad, but I honestly think it was probably a good thing that El broke up with you,” Dustin admitted.

“Yeah. Seconded.”

Mike shook his head guilelessly. “No, not at all. I think I’m starting to realize that myself.”

---

“Seeya, Mike.”

“Bye!” Mike answered cheerily, giving a little wave before making his way out the door.

Lucas and Dustin listened to him go down the stairs and out the front door, then immediately turned to each other.

"So, Mike has never really been into El, hated kissing her, and 'didn't mind' hand-holding and pecks."

Lucas shook his head. "That's just… really fucking weird. I mean, I'm not even into El, but she's pretty, right? And what guy wouldn't enjoy kissing a girl, even if he wasn't in love with her?"

"El's gorgeous, yeah," Dustin agreed.

Lucas pressed his lips together nervously. "There might be a… different explanation than the one Mike gave us. About why he hated kissing her."

“You don’t think-”

“I definitely think.”

Dustin stared at Lucas with awe. “He’s just – he’s been gay this whole time?”

Lucas nodded. “I don’t think that stuff has an on and off switch, so yeah.”

“It’s just – I really thought, with El… but I guess not. I guess he never – oh shit.”

Lucas frowned. “What?”

Dustin’s guise grew urgent. He uttered a single word. “Will.”

The realization dropped like a bomb. Both boys stared at each other, open-mouthed.

“Oh. Oh,” Lucas said, stunned. He braced his hands on the back of his head. “That – holy shit. Oh my God, everything makes so much sense now!”

“I know, right?” Dustin exclaimed.

“Oh my God, this is so crazy," Lucas said. "I never thought we'd know someone gay. I always thought that was, like, San Francisco and Chicago type stuff."

"I guess being gay can happen to anyone," Dustin pondered. "Wow."

Lucas' expression grew slighly nervous. "I don't - maybe we shouldn't jump to conclusions."

Dustin laughed in his face. "Are you kidding me? Okay, just humor me: if Mike hadn't dated El, would you think he was normal or gay?"

"Gay," Lucas said without hesitation. "He talked way too much about Michael J. Fox."

"Well, apparently Mike never really wanted to date her, so there you go."

"Huh," Lucas said, shaking his head. Then, alarm spread abruptly across his expression. "Shit, what if he gets sick? AIDS is killing a bunch of gays, right?"

"Nah. I already did some research, because you know if the government is refusing to talk about it, it's some serious shit. You can only get sick if you're a druggie, get really bad luck with donated blood, or have gay sex."

"Mike's gay," Lucas pointed out.

"Yeah, no duh. But you're not considering an extremely relevant factor."

Lucas raised his brows.

Dustin stared. "A sentient sea sponge would get lucky before Mike Wheeler."

"Kind of mean."

"Am I wrong, though?"

"No," Lucas admitted.

"Wait a second." Dustin's brow furrowed as he adopted a look of intense concentration. "If Mike's gay, and he has a crush on Will… wouldn't that mean that Will's gay and he has a crush on Mike?"

Lucas shook his head. "I don't think that's how crushes work, dude. Otherwise, you, me, and Max would've had a really weird dynamic when we were 13."

"Jesus, Lucas, don't remind me," Dustin said, flushing slightly. "What I meant was, if Mike's gay, and that's why he's always so weird with Will, wouldn't the reason why Will's different with Mike be because he's gay, too?"

"Will's got to be gay, too." Lucas said definitively. "I think we both kind of knew that already, even if we didn't know know. It just makes sense."

"Exactly."

"I just don't know if he likes Mike back. I mean, he actively encouraged Mike to stay with El. I mean, what guy with a crush would do that?"

"Will's always been pretty self-sacrificing. I mean, look at our campaigns."

"Good point," Lucas said, nodding. "And he was kinda pissed with Mike for being all over Eleven that one summer. I mean, we were pissed too, but it was like it was personal for him."

"Yeah. Oh, and don't forget all the stuff Will gives him! Like that painting last week!"

Lucas laughed. "Oh my God, yes! And Mike never throws any of it away! Remember freshman year when Will and El were gone and he hung up, like, 10 drawings from Will on his bedroom wall? I don't think I've ever gotten more than a couple drawings from Will, and I definitely never hung one up."

"I mean, yeah. Of course you wouldn't. They're just different because they're in love with each other."

"Oh my God, they really are, aren't they?"

Dustin huffed a laugh, then looked to Lucas with expectant eyes. "You know what this means."

Lucas sent Dustin a baffled look.

Dustin raised his eyebrows significantly. "It means we have to get these two idiots together."

"Oh, no." Lucas groaned, expression crumbling into misery.

"Oh, yes!"

- --

"Erica," Dustin wheedled. "You… stunning genius. "

"What do you want?" Erica sighed, raising her brows at him and Lucas, who hovered nearby.

Dustin laughed nervously. "What do I want? I don't know what you mean by-"

"Give up the ghost, nerd. What do you need my help for?"

"We, um, we need your advice for a couple of our - mutual acquaintances." Lucas stumbled slightly over the last few words, narrowly avoiding incriminating Mike and Will.

"Uh-huh," Erica drawled, unconvinced. "And just who are these 'acquaintances?'"

"Maya and, um, Bill."

"And just what do you want my advice on?"

"They're in love with each other," Lucas explained avidly. "But neither of them know their feeling aren't one-sided. Oh, and Maya doesn't know that, um, she has a crush on Bill."

"Why not?"

"U-um, because they've been friends so long she hasn't noticed. But that's irrelevant. What's important is that we need to get these two idiots together, but we don't know how."

Erica squinted in suspicion.

"Look, we can't give you all the details because we'd be revealing secrets we don't really have permission to share. And we can't really ask our - their other friends for advice for the same reason." Lucas gave her a considering look. "Unless… you think that huge, potentially life-altering secrets are okay to share with friends?"

"Uh, no, numbnuts. If they don't know already, that's a huge invasion of privacy."

"You care about invasions of privacy?" Lucas asked, astounded.

Erica raised her brows. "You're talking about Mike and Will, right?"

"You - you knew?" Dustin gasped.

"Of course I knew, I have eyes. I guess you only just found out?"

"Yeah, yeah, Mike was telling us how much he hated kissing El," Dustin murmured, slightly in shock.

Erica's expression was oddly serious. "And you just… accepted it? That two of your friends are gay?"

Dustin pursed his lips, nodding. "I mean, it was kind of hard to believe at first, but yeah. I like Queen, so, y'know, I love Freddie Mercury, and I never really believed in the whole fags-will-corrupt-you thing. If bullies are saying something, it's probably total bullshit."

"What about you, Lucas?"

He looked at her curiously. "Uh, when I was younger I thought it was weird and kind of bad, but then Max told me about how her best friend in California's older sister was a lesbian, and she was super cool, and that set me straight."

"Pretty progressive of both of you," Erica said, an unusual sincerity in her tone. "Well, you definitely need my help with this."

"Is there, like, a specific reason, or is it just because you think we're idiots?"

Erica's eyes darted to the side in an unusually nervous gesture. "I… I like boys and girls. I'm bisexual. So, I kind of know a thing or two about having a gay crush on a friend."

"Wait, so you date a boy and a girl at the same time?" Dustin asked, dumbfounded.

She gave him an unimpressed stare. "No. It means I've had crushes on boys as well as girls, but I'd only date one at a time, obviously - how are you this stupid? Didn't you say you liked Freddie Mercury?"

"Sorry! I didn't… sorry." Dustin wondered if it was possible to die of embarassment.

Lucas shook his head in wonder. "Huh. I didn't… I didn't know you could like both. That's crazy."

"The only thing that's crazy is me if Dustin keeps asking me brain-dead questions," Erica hissed.

"I won't ask any more questions. I don't… I don't want to be a dick. It's really cool that you know that about yourself."

"Thanks," Erica said, reddening slightly. "I probably wouldn't have known if it wasn't for Vicki, honestly."

"Wait, so Vicki - so that would mean Robin - oh my God, we're idiots," Lucas groaned.

"You guys didn't know? Fuck, I didn't mean to do that." Erica scrubbed a hand over her face. "Right. No more talking about my sexuality and accidentally outing other people. Let's just talk about Mike and Will."

"Oh! Uh, sure. Well, um, they're obviously going to dance around each other forever if we don't step in."

"Yeah, no duh," Erica said. "I've watched them do it ever since Will moved back. But I think the most difficult thing will be getting Mike to break up with El, especially since he doesn't know he's gay in the first place."

"El dumped him. For good," Dustin informed her.

"Oh, thank God. Well, that definitely makes things easier. That means there's only two things we need to do."

"What?" Lucas questioned, engrossed.

Erica shrugged. "We need to give those numbskulls as much time as possible alone together, and we need to get Will to come out to him. Do that, and they'll be together in under a day, mark my words."

"Holy shit," Dustin murmured, stunned. "Erica, you're a genius."

"You don't need to tell me things I already know." Erica scoffed, though her smile said otherwise.

"So, how do we do that?"

"We're about to start a new campaign," Dustin pointed out. "What if we told Mike and Will to plan the plot together, without us there like usual?"

"Perfect," Erica said. "Now, convincing Will to come out is going to be a lot more difficult. I can take over that part. You two, make sure they get that time together - no distractions or interruptions."

"Erica, are you going to try to convince Will to come out to Mike before or during their time planning the next campaign?"

She frowned, considering, at Dustin. "Hmm. Depends on how effective I am. I'll definitely start as early as possible - hell, I can come over tomorrow with you guys to talk about our next campaign, then corner him afterwards."

Dustin grinned. "Sounds like a plan."

Chapter Text

"You - seriously?" Max gaped.

El nodded happily. "Yes. I think it went well. He was not angry. Just… confused."

"I just can't believe you finally broke up for good," Max murmured, shaking her head. She'd known it was coming, but the reality of it was still so incredible it blew her mind. It reminded her of what Lucas had said about "Bad": "Everyone knew that MJ was coming out with another killer album, but holy shit, these songs are insane!"

Thinking about Lucas and music reminded her of their conversation during their date the night before, when they'd exchanged playlists, listened to music for hours straight while sipping a couple beers each, and having embarassing, fumbling, giggly sex in Lucas' still-messy room.

"You and the rest of you nerds are starting your new campaign soon, right?"

"Yep!" Lucas gave a very strange, nerve-wracked grin.

"Is there something different with this campaign or something?" Max asked, confused.

"Nope! Nothing at all! Definitely nothing I can't tell you about!"

Max nodded slowly. "It's fine if you've got your own secret thing you can't tell me about yet, okay? It's only fair."

"Cool! That's cool. That may or may not be the case."

Max winked at him. "You got it."

"This is totally off-topic, but I think Lucas is up to something. He was acting pretty strange when I asked him about their next campaign. I think they might be doing a Girlfriend Test on me or something."

"Maybe it is something else," El said. "I do not think that Lucas wants to do the Test on you."

"Yeah, you're right," Max agreed. "Sorry, I'm taking our focus away from the star of the show, your breakup! Excited for the single life?"

"Yes." El smiled. "I have been in a relationship for a very, very long time. Now, I can look at as many boys as I like."

"We should watch The Outsiders," Max suggested. "There's so many cute boys in it."

"Lucas won't get jealous?" El asked, raising her brows.

"Nah. He knows that the instant he takes his shirt off, all other boys look like worms in comparison."

"Not because you are deeply in love?" El teased smugly.

"Gross," Max groaned, cheeks burning. Unfortunately, she couldn't deny it.

---

"I have to admit, I'm a little surprised by how enthusiastic you guys are about this campaign," Will said.

Mike nodded. "Definitely agree. Did you have some kind of pep meeting without us or something?"

"What? No! That would be insane," Dustin laughed, a touch higher-pitched than usual.

"Well, we did talk a little before I called for us to meet," Erica said breezily.

"About what?" Mike asked.

Erica smiled sweetly. "We want you and Will to make a campaign to surprise us. Give us some… big twist."

"Yeah! Yeah," Dustin chimed in, giving Erica a subtle nod in acknowledgment. She rolled her eyes, smiling.

"Something that'll change lives," Lucas added. Dustin elbowed him.

"Figuring it out with you does sound pretty fun," Mike admitted, giving Will a soft look.

"Yeah. That - that sounds great," Will said, staring deeply at Mike with an intoxicated guise. Mike gazed back, similarly enraptured.

Dustin set aside a moment in the near future to reassess his intelligence. "Well, great! Guess we'll just leave you guys to it, then."

"Are you guys trying to say that we should DM together? As a team?"

Will lit up. "That would be so cool!"

"You'd seriously force us to find another player?" Dustin groaned.

"I keep telling you that we should ask Holly. She's perfect!"

"That's not a terrible idea," Erica said. Lucas gaped. From Erica, that was practically singing praises.

"Cool! Well, see you guys, then!"

"Oh, uh, sure, we'll go, Mike," Lucas muttered.

Dustin shook his head in amusement. "We'll leave you both to it."

"Hey, Will?"

"Yeah, Erica?"

"Can I talk to you afterwards? Like, maybe you can drive over to my house?"

"Oh. Uh, sure." Will's brows furrowed in confusion.

"Cool. See you then!"

Will shook his head as he watched Erica, Dustin, and Lucas depart.

"What do you think that was about? With Erica?"

"I have no idea."

---

“Will? Can I talk to you for a second?”

Will blinked up from his sketches of Beholders against gloomy, cave-like tunnels. “Uh, yeah? What is it?”

“So, you know how El broke up with me?”

“What?” Will gasped, stupefied.

Mike frowned the way he did whenever someone did something Mike had decided they were Not Supposed To. “Yeah. She didn’t tell you?”

“No! Oh my God, Mike, I’m so sorry.”

“Oh, no, it’s fine. I talked to Dustin and Lucas about it and I realized that it was probably for the best.”

Will grasped for something intelligent to say. “Y-you – uh – I… wow.”

Jesus Christ, I sound like an escaped Pennhurst patient.

“Yeah, I know, it sounds a little insane. Honestly, though, once you think about it, it’s really not crazy at all. I mean, I think I more liked the idea of dating El than the reality, you know?”

That… did kind of make sense. “Huh. I guess I can see that. Still, I can’t imagine that feels good.”

“Actually, it doesn’t really feel that bad, to be honest. Hey, um, so I’ve always sort of felt like El was super bad at kissing.”

Mike whipsawed so dramatically that Will was forced to desperately grasp for words again. “I – you – what?”

“Really bad. It always sucked when we kissed. But Dustin – he said something that really screwed with my head when I told him about it.”

“But… I don’t understand. You and El kiss - sorry, kissed - constantly. I thought you must have loved it.”

Mike gave a short, abashed shrug. “I mean, she loved it. And it wasn’t like I could say no.”

“Yes, you could!”

“Not without making it awkward. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. So, basically Dustin said that if we were kissing for years, we’d have to improve. Because even if she didn’t have any experience before me, and I didn’t either, to be fair, she still had plenty of practice over the course of our relationship.”

Will felt incredibly thrown by the casual tone of Mike’s voice and the ease he’d had in mentioning their now past relationship. He really was over her.

“And I thought that was totally bogus, and I still do. But then I realized that maybe it was me that was the problem. Maybe I just really suck at kissing, and El just didn’t know because she’d never kissed another boy. So I need to kiss someone else so that I can find out if that’s the case.”

“Okay. Is there another girl that you had in mind?” Obviously, El was out of the picture.

Mike stared at Will like he was a complete idiot. “No. I want to kiss you.”

“WHAT?” Will shouted, somewhat hysterically.

Immediate backpedaling ensued. “No, no, shit, I didn’t mean that I wanted to kiss you! Just – um, you don’t have any experience, and so your opinion would be – super objective!”

Will gaped at him for a long moment. Slowly, he closed his mouth and gulped. An internal battle unfolded.

This is your chance to actually kiss Mike!

If he finds out I’m gay, let alone that I’m in love with him, he’ll hate me! I can’t do this!

If you give this up, you’ll never get another shot!

It’s wrong to kiss a straight boy under the guise of being another straight boy!

But Will really, really, really wanted to kiss Mike, and his conscience was left to bleed out in a ditch.

“Yeah. No, that makes sense. Let’s do it.” It actually didn’t make any sense at all, but Will was hardly going to complain about it.

Mike nodded, face lighting up. “Awesome! Okay, here goes.”

“Wh-”

And before he could protest, Mike was swooping in and pressing their lips together. It went on for at least a few seconds, longer than Will would have thought, but eventually Mike retreated again.

“Cool, yeah.” His face was oddly flushed. Then, abruptly, a look of stricken horror overtook Mike’s expression. “Shit, I took your first kiss! Fuck, I’m so sorry!”

If he only knew. “No, no, it’s fine, seriously. At least this way I won’t embarrass myself.”

Mike brightened. “Yeah, exactly! Perfect, so you will be getting something out of this too!”

Will gave a strange, wheezy, creaking sound in the back of his throat. Mike blinked at him, and he cleared his throat rapidly. “Sorry. Uh, yeah, you’re right.”

“Okay, so you kind of reminded me that I’m being a bit selfish about all this. Maybe you should try to be more active. I know that I’m a guy and all, but you can just pretend that I’m that girl you liked back in California, or Abby Wallace or something. That way, when you kiss a girl for real, you’ll know what to do.”

Does Mike… want me to kiss him? Like, want want?

Will shook his head. His fantasies were getting the better of him. The other boy just wanted to practice for the future, and he was earnest for Will to develop decent kissing skills under his tutelage. It was a friendly act. Completely platonic.

“So, do you want me to make out with you, or do you just want me to initiate?”

Mike’s face flushed, to Will’s glee. “Oh, u-um, I mean, either works, but I kind of meant the latter.”

Of course. Because Mike isn't gay.

“Okay.” Will stared at Mike, collected every last scrap of his courage, and pulled Mike in by the bicep (or lack thereof) and kissed him.

Immediately, Will became aware that he didn’t know what he was doing. He had no clue how to go about undertaking advanced mechanisms like French kissing or whatever the hell couples all over their high school seemed to do like it was going out of style. He wavered momentarily. But to his surprise and secret thrill, Mike quickly picked up the slack, kissing him back and placing a hand on either side of Will’s ribcage for extra leverage. Will gasped slightly, and Mike took it as an opportunity to lick past his lips, kissing hot and wet and making Will’s head swim. He broke apart for air, and Mike regrettably released his hold on Will’s chest.

“Wow,” Will said.

Mike’s expression was about as gobsmacked as Will’s probably was. “You’re… you’re really good at this. I can’t believe this is your first kiss.”

“Really?”

“Oh, yeah. But you’re not… doing enough. No girl is gonna want you to just lie there, letting yourself be kissed. The next time-”

Realization smacked into Will. “Wait, I didn’t tell you what I thought about the kiss!”

“Oh, yeah,” Mike said, surprisingly unconcerned with the very reason why he was kissing Will to begin with. Then his head slumped slightly as he looked at Will self-consciously. “Was… was I bad?”

“No! You were, um…” Will desperately searched for words to describe Mike’s kissing in purely heterosexual terms. “…skilled.”

“Really?” Mike’s face lit up.

“Yeah.”

“Perfect! That makes things a lot easier for the future.”

Will stared at Mike, uncomprehending. “What do you mean, ‘easier for the future?’”

Mike scoffed. “I mean, for when we kiss again. We’re both getting something out of it, so there’s no reason not to.”

No reason at all – besides Will’s newly established kissing buddy being his straight best friend he was in love with.

“You… you want to kiss me again?””

“Definitely!” Mike said, smiling. “It’s great practice.”

Will nodded absently as his brain went into overdrive.

Is there really a heterosexual explanation for this?

There must be. No way Mike’s gay. It’s impossible.

What straight boy hates kissing a girl and likes kissing a boy?

Mike’s brain works different than other people’s. You’ve known that since you were kids. This…situation is probably just a manifestation of that.

Will hated his brain sometimes. But it was right. Mike wasn’t gay. When had he ever even shown signs of being gay?

Unbidden, memories flooded into Will’s mind: the shirtless muscled guys on the movie posters around Mike’s room, Mike’s complete disinterest in girls until El (and retroactive admission of his misinterpretation of interest in her), the lack of input from Mike when Dustin and Lucas debated the merits of Phoebe Cates and the like.

Those all seem pretty…

Mike's brain is weird! He can't be like me. I'm the one that's different. I'm the odd one out. I'm the one that's… wrong. All I'm doing is trying to give myself excuses for kissing him without a guilty conscience. He said he didn't really want to kiss me; he just wants practice. Case closed.

“Maybe… maybe we should stop.”

“Oh, okay.” Mike sounded profoundly disappointed. “I guess we can pick it up later."

“Uh, s-sure, Mike. Maybe.”

How the hell was Will going to survive this?

---

Will pulled up to the Sinclair's with a prominent dread. His head was still spinning from making out with Mike, a situation which he'd only considered possible in his most pathetic dreams, and he wasn't sure he possessed the energy for conversation - especially not with Erica, who treated him as more of a loudspeaker during their D&D games and entirely non-existant outside of them. Until now, that was, for whatever odd reason.

He knocked on the door, inexplicably anxious.

"Hey," Erica said, giving him a casual nod after swinging the door open. Her greeting and attitude reminded Will powerfully of him and his friends during middle school - which made sense, because Erica was in 8th grade. She wasn't the same little kid that Will was used to. It still blew his mind sometimes.

"Hi, Erica. Was there… a specific reason why you wanted to talk to me?"

"Yup," she affirmed. "Come up to my room."

At least it's pretty unlikely she'll try to kiss me, too, Will thought as he ascended the stairs. Right?

Will hadn't ever seen Erica's room before, and he blinked in surprise to see it now. It somehow looked both exactly like and completely unlike what he'd imagined it to be - not that he'd really ever tried to picture it before. On the violet walls were posters of Teen Wolf, Fast Times at Richmond Heights, Star Wars, and Labyrinth. A picture of a galaxy was spread over her headboard. It was also profoundly messy: clothes littered the floor and piled high in the hamper while books and papers were scattered liberally on every flat surface.

"Nice room," Will remarked, unable to think of something better to say.

"Thanks," Erica said, taking a seat on the bed. "I know it's not the cleanest, but, man, you should have seen it before school let out. Atomic bombs have left less damage."

Will balked at the thought.

"So, I wanted to talk to you about something… personal," Erica admitted.

"Yeah?" Will asked, wondering how he could possibly be her first choice to talk to.

"So, a few months ago, when Robin and Vicki came back from Brown University, I kind of… interrupted them."

"Oh," Will said, his mouth going dry.

"They were kissing," Erica said bluntly.

Did she know he was gay, too? "Right," Will said aloud.

"I told them it was okay, that it didn't bother me, all that."

"Cool," Will said, wincing at how obvious he was being. If she didn't know he was gay already, she probably knew now.

"And I was a little confused at the time, because I knew that Vicki had had a boyfriend in high school. So I asked her if she had changed her mind or if she'd just always been a lesbian and was just trying to hide it or was confused - because that can happen."

"Yeah," Will agreed. Something nagged at the edge of his mind, but he was far too anxious to pay it any attention.

"So, she told me that some people don't just like girls or boys: they like both. It's called being bisexual."

"Oh," Will said. "Huh."

Erica shrugged. "And I figured out, hey, maybe that's why I stared just as much at Princess Leia as Luke Skywalker."

"You - what?"

"I'm bisexual, dumbass."

Will blinked. "Oh."

Erica stared at him expectantly.

"Right! Um, that's really neat. I accept you. Obviously. Is there - um, is there a reason you're telling me instead of your brother or something?"

"Will," Erica deadpanned. "I've seen rainbows less gay than you."

"No need to dig it in," Will grumbled.

"Okay, okay, the real answer is that I've already told my brother. Obviously I'm not telling my parents - you do know they're Baptists, right?"

"I - um, I'm sorry," Will offered.

Erica waved a hand. "It's fine. Statistically, with over 95% of the population attracted to the opposite sex, it's much more likely that I'll end up with a guy instead of a girl, so it probably won't be an issue."

"That's - I mean, that's still pretty bad. You do get how that's still bad, right?"

"I've got more important things to worry about," Erica said, looking at Will significantly. An inexplicable trepidation gripped him.

"Like what?"

"Come out to your friends," Erica said. "Come on. Lucas and Dustin already know I'm bi, and they're both cool with it - even if Dustin had one of the most numbskulled questions I could have possibly imagined, but that's besides the point. I swear it's a load off your shoulders."

"You - you came out to Lucas and Dustin?"

Erica nodded.

Will shook his head. "Wow. You're a lot braver than me."

"Yeah, I'mma give you a big fat 'no,' on that one, chief, because I sure as hell didn't go into a hellworld alternate dimension for a week when I was 12, because this town is a literal nightmare and I want to burn it with fire, but thanks for the vote of confidence."

"No problem," Will said. "But, I mean, I really didn't do that much."

But Erica wasn't finished. "Then you were possessed by some shadow-monster thing and basically kind of saved the town with a morse code secret message - Mike told me about that while y'all were gone two years ago - and dealt with all that crazy Upside Down shit for years longer than I did. That's pretty cool. You're only really only one-upped by El, and maybe Hopper, but he's a dick, so he doesn't count. Don't downplay that, dude. You're badass as hell."

"Th-thanks," Will mumbled, horribly uncomfortable. "I don't know if I'd say that, but, um, that's nice of you to tell me."

Erica shook her head. "You people are so used to batshit crazy that you could probably get mugged by gunpoint and shrug it off."

Will pursed his lips, then nodded in agreement.

"Now, don't think you're wiggling out of this conversation. You should really come out to the Party."

"You - you think I need to come out to my friends?"

"It'd make it a lot easier to explain when you get a boyfriend," Erica commented.

Will laughed semi-hysterically. "You think - you think there's a chance I'll land a date with a guy in this tiny, miserable town?"

Erica looked strangely like she was suppressing a laugh. "I don't think it's as distant of a possibility as you think. And there's other reasons besides."

His face fell as he was reminded of an extremely prominent reason to come out - because Mike was kissing him out of some crazy, inexplicable desire to 'practice' and had no clue that he was kissing a boy that was very, very gay for him.

"You're right," Will said drearily. "I should come out to my friends. I - I need to come out to Mike."

Erica's face brightened. "Yes! Exactly! I promise you it's the right thing to do."

"Oh, God, Erica," Will moaned, burying his head in his hands. "I messed up. I - I'm so screwed, no matter what I do."

"What do you mean?"

He pondered over the ethics of revealing his and Mike's activities to her. There was a chance she would think Mike was gay, which might make Mike very angry; but the most relevant factor was simply that it was something between him and Mike, and things between him and Mike felt almost sacred.

"I can't give you the details," Will admitted. "Just - just that I went along with something that's going to absolutely, completely infuriate Mike once he finds out I'm gay. But if I tell him… maybe he'll stop."

"I can't even describe how confused I am right now."

"Thank you, Erica," Will said, nodding enthusiastically as he walked to the door. "I know exactly what I have to do."

And God, do I hope I have the courage to do it.

---

"Will's coming out to Mike," Erica announced with little fanfare.

"Holy shit, seriously?" Dustin gasped. "Erica, you devious genius."

"It was easy," she commented, cheeks flushed. "I just came out to him, told him about how nice it was to get it off my chest and that I'd come out to you guys too, and he was all in."

"That's awesome, sis," Lucas said, grinning. "Man, that was easy."

"Uh, no. We are not done plotting."

"What do you mean?" Dustin asked, puzzled. "Don't get me wrong, this has been a lot of fun, but I feel like we executed both parts of the plan. What else is there to do?"

"We haven't even seen the fruits of our labors," Lucas argued.

"That's true," Dustin admitted.

"No, that's not what I'm talking about. But that is a decent point, Lucas." She leaned forward, staring both boys in the eyes. "What I'm talking about is the very, very suspicious way he was acting about Mike."

"Uh, yeah, because he's in love with Mike," Lucas said.

"This is definitely more than just being in love. This is… something. Something big."

"Were there any hints?" Dustin pressed.

"Yeah. He said he went along something that's gonna make Mike really mad once he finds out Will's gay, but that coming out was probably the best course of action because it would make Mike stop doing whatever it is."

Dustin and Lucas both took a moment to simply take it in.

"Okay," Dustin said slowly. "I feel like we should keep in mind that Mike is so oblivious, he believed the stork thing until middle school."

"In fifth grade, when Mom and Dad were talking about maybe having another kid, he told me that I should stop topping up the birdfeeder," Lucas murmured, shaking his head.

"So, we should be keeping in mind two things: Mike's My Little Pony level gayness, and his absolute cluelessness."

"And his tendency for crazy ideas," Lucas added.

"Stupid, gay as a maypole, crazy stuff." Erica summarized.

"What fits in all three?"

They pondered the question for a long moment.

"Maybe Mike asked Will to give him oiled body massages?" Lucas questioned.

"It's not the 50's," Erica scoffed. "And why? I've seen skeletons with more muscle than Mike Wheeler."

At that very moment, the precise combination of synapses fired to cause a cascade of realization in Dustin's head.

"Uh, yeah," Mike said scathingly. "She wanted to kiss, so I had to kiss her. It wasn't like I could just tell her I hated it."

Mike and crazy shit go together like the Upside Down and total mayhem…

It has to be something that would be impacted if Mike knew Will was gay…

"He asked Will to practice kissing with him," Dustin murmured disbelievingly.

"Wait, what?"

"That's the most ridiculous thing I can possibly imagine," Lucas said. "So that's exactly what it's got to be."

"I can't believe they would be that stupid," Erica murmured.

"Really? Because it's not remotely a stretch to me."

Erica shook her head. "No, no, I wasn't saying I didn't believe it, I'm saying that it's so idiotic it makes my brain hurt."

"Welcome to friendship with Mike Wheeler," Lucas said drily.

"How the fuck are we supposed to deal with that?"

"Pray for Will's sanity," Dustin said mournfully. "Because he's sure as hell going to need it."

---

"Hey, Max! Is there, um, a reason why you're here?"

Max glanced over to Dustin and Erica peering over from the top of the stairs. Upon meeting her gaze, they ducked out of view.

"You're asking why your girlfriend showed up at your house? I didn't know we were so on the rocks."

"What?" Lucas stammered. "No! No rocks at all! I was just, um…"

"Plotting something," Max finished. "With your little team. Hey Dustin, hey Erica!"

"Hi, Max," Dustin mumbled from the stairwell.

"Lucas," Max asked sweetly. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

Before he could answer, she was dragging him by the hand past the kitchen and to the back door.

"Okay, you have to tell me what's going on. Come on."

Lucas shifted uncomfortably. "You - you said that it was only fair I had something secret going on now!"

"Please?"

"Look, Max, I - I really, genuinely can't tell you."

She stared at him, nonplussed. "Can't you at least give me a hint?"

Lucas hesitated. "…I don't know."

"There's nothing I can do to help figure this out on my own? Fine. I guess I'll just ask El if she-"

A lightbulb blazed in Lucas' head.

"Max. You did your test thing on Mike before El broke up with him."

"Uh, yeah? No duh?"

"Try doing it on both Mike and Will. They've both got someone in their lives they're acting as a boyfriend to, even if it's not official."

Max frowned. "How would Mike be acting as a boyfriend to some other girl when he couldn't even be a good one to El? Was he just really into someone else the whole time?" Her expression hardened. "He wasn't… cheating, right?"

Lucas shook his head adamantly. "No, of course he wasn't cheating! Just doing way more than necessary without realizing it. He… he can just be a little… stupid, sometimes. That's why your, um, Boyfriend Test is so helpful; just like last time, you can prove how much of an oblivious idiot he is."

Max put up her hands. "No need to convince me further."

"Cool."

She gave him a wheedling look. "And you can't give me any hints about who the other party is for each of them?"

Lucas worried at his lip. "Just… think of who they interact with the most beyond their family members. And keep an open mind."

"Okay," Max said, brows furrowed. "I'm definitely figuring this out, just so you know. I'll get El to help me, too."

"Of course."

She gave him one last doubtful look. "And you do realize the Boyfriend Test took weeks for us to do, right?"

"Just speedrun it."

Max nodded. "I guess if neither of them are officially boyfriends to whatever girls you're talking about, it makes sense not to put in as much time for it."

"Exactly."

She drew him in for a long, lingering kiss, smiling widely when they broke apart.

Lucas grinned. "I have every confidence in you."

"Wouldn't expect any less, Stalker."

Chapter Text

"No!" El gasped, devastated. "Max!"

Max groaned loudly. "I know, I know, okay? But what else could 'keep an open mind' mean?"

El squeezed her eys shut and put her head in her hands. "Not… that," she said, slightly muffled.

"It's just… you're the only girl Will really interacts with every day, and-"

"He is my brother, Max! Brother!"

"I'm just throwing possibilities around, okay? This is just the only thing that makes sense besides Will having some crazy, romance-novel level secret affair."

"Then he is having some crazy secret affair!" El hissed emphatically.

"You guys have only been, like, sibling siblings for a year. Don't lie to me, you told me that during Lenora you guys only really managed to become friends."

"Will does not… urgh, Max, he talks to you too, why are we not considering he has feelings for you?"

Max scoffed. "He barely ever talks to me. Besides, I can tell by the way he looks at me. Even when we were kids, he just wasn't interested."

"He is not interested in me either!" El cried. "He barely looked at me until we moved away! And when we did talk, for months, the only thing we really talked about was Mike, not anything about-"

"Wait," Max blurted, mouth dropping open. "Say that again."

"He barely looked at me until we moved away?" El said, eying her dubiously.

"No." Max stared at her with dizzying intensity. "What you said after that."

"…when we did talk, we only talked about how much we missed Mike. And Will would tell me stories about him when I got too sad, and that was when we started becoming friends."

"Okay, that's really sweet and I love that for you, but I'm focused on the 'you both talking about missing Mike.' Because I think you just connected some stuff in my brain that I was somehow too oblivious to put together before, and maybe it's because I've never talked much to Will-"

"Max," El interrupted, raising her brows in expectation.

"Alright. Will's gay."

"What?" El asked, baffled.

Max drew in a long breath. "Just - he's never had a girlfriend, right? And he's always been super… close to Mike. You follow?"

"I do not follow," El said, nose wrinkled.

"Okay. So Will, he really likes Star Wars and Lord of the Rings, right? But he doesn't really care about Fast Times at Richmond Heights. No, Will likes things with mostly male characters. And he doesn't really… I don't know, he's not… flamboyant, but he is quiet and artsy and stuff. Does it make a little more sense now?"

"No," El answered, her face still scrunched in confusion. "I do not understand what that has to do with… Will being gay. Will is not gay. You should not say that."

Max's heart dropped in her chest. El's homophobic? I guess that makes sense, most people don't like gays and lesbians, but I would have thought with how El's so used to feeling different, she would sympathize.

"Shit," Max murmured. "Fuck. I shouldn't have said that out loud. Look, I get it if you think it's weird or wrong or whatever, but can you at least try to understand that Will is the same person as he was before you knew? And if you could let me explain why being gay really isn't harmful or immoral or anything, I'd really appreciate it."

"Max," El said, brows furrowed. "I still do not understand. I thought 'gay' was like 'loser' or 'douche' or 'fa-'"

"Nope! You don't need to finish that one. That's a… mean word for someone that's gay."

"So what is 'gay?'" El asked, visibly frustrated.

"It's when a boy likes boys instead of girls or a girl likes girls instead of boys. Romantically."

El's jaw dropped. "That… that is allowed?"

"I mean, it's still illegal in a lot of places, and they can't get married, obviously, but yeah."

"I didn't think it could be anything but a boy and a girl," El mused. "Wow. That is very cool."

"Cool?"

El blinked. "Yes. 'Cool.' I think Mike would say it is 'culture counter.'"

"Counter-culture," Max corrected with a smile. "But, um, you should know that there's a lot of people that think being gay is really bad."

"Why?" El asked, brows furrowed.

Max shrugged helplessly. "I really couldn't tell you. But yeah, gay people have it pretty rough."

"It is a shame that Will and Mike are gay, then. If it makes it harder."

Max frowned. "Wait, Will and Mi- oh my God, I'm an idiot."

El nodded serenely. "Mike has always been a big puzzle in my head. He does things that I do not understand, especially in our relationship. I added the piece of Mike being gay, and it all made sense. Especially if Will is gay, too."

Max shook her head. "Well, if if it took us this long to figure out Mike and Will are gay, they definitely don't know each other is gay. No wonder Lucas asked us to do the Boyfriend Test on them."

"What do you mean?"

Max looked at her significantly. "Because we can give them both the scores to prove that they like each other back."

El's eyes widened. "Oh. That does make sense."

"So, let's get to work. We've got eight questions to get through, and I want to have the results in hand by the end of the day."

---

Will set his backpack on the table, looked over his shoulder to meet Mrs. Wheeler's disapproving stare, and quickly pulled out his folder, sketchbook, and pencil before setting it on the floor. Mrs. Wheeler gave him a smile and a nod.

"So, uh, I've got the sketches and stuff right here. Maybe we could go up to your room and see what you've written?"

Mike's eyes lit up "Yes! Definitely. Let's do that."

With every step, Will felt another drop of dread pool in his stomach. He was going to come out to Mike, and he was going to have to explain that after Mike had platonically practiced kissing with him. Every system in his head was going haywire.

Once he closed the door behind him, Will reluctantly brought his gaze to Mike, who had an odd smile on his face.

“Mike,” Will said, taking a shuddering breath. "So… the kissing."

"I know what you're going to say, and I totally agree. 100%."

Will blinked in surprise at Mike's enthusiasm. "You - you do?"

"Yeah. I mean, you gave me your objective opinion when we kissed a bit, then you brought up the idea of using it as practice-"

"Mike, you brought that up."

"Oh." Mike furrowed his brow. "I guess I did. Well, the idea was floated around, but then you kind of got cold feet about it and we stopped. And I totally get why you did that now."

Will sighed in relief. "Good. Because I really didn't want to spend a lot of time talking you out of it."

Mike blinked. "Wait, what?"

"You said you 'totally get why I got cold feet about it.'"

Mike shook his head. "Uh, yeah, because I was being way too aggressive! You need to kiss back. I mean, girls really like when you initiate stuff, and I was initiating all of that! I'm sorry about that, by the way; I guess I was just really happy to be kissing someone who was actually good at it. So, anyway, we have to do it again, but with you making the first move. "

"No, Mike. It needs to stop."

Mike frowned. "What? Why?"

"For so many reasons," Will groaned. "But the biggest… is because of me."

The other boy's expression was perturbed. "Because you hate it? Because you've stopped indulging me?"

"No, none of that!" Will sighed. “You have to understand that things… are different for me.”

“I know,” Mike answered immediately. Then he blinked. “Wait - what do you mean, ‘different?’ You mean like how we’re all different because of the Upside Down? Or because we’re nerds?”

“I’m different than you guys, too,” Will said, gaze downcast.

“No, you’re not,” Mike contested hotly. “I’m the one that’s different. El’s different, too, and neither of us can seem to learn how to be normal. You’re not alone.”

Will braced himself. “Look, do you remember Lenora? How you guys asked me if there were any friends or… other people that I'd met?"

"Oh, yeah, I remember that. I still can't believe that you didn't get with any girls."

"Uh, thanks, Mike, but that's not really the point. The point is, when we were on the road, you asked me directly if there were any girls I liked. And I acted… probably pretty weirdly. Honestly, I was probably acting pretty weirdly the whole time."

“What?" Mike's expression was screwed up in confusion. "No, you weren't. I was the one that was weird. I mean, I'm still weird, but I was even worse than usual. You kept - I don’t know, distracting me. Your painting, how much you changed since I’d seen you last, how miserable you were… I just acted weird! It felt like… I couldn’t call you my friend anymore. It didn’t fit.”

Will tried to conceal the agony Mike’s confession gave him - that finding out Mike hadn't even considered him a friend, let alone a best friend, after just 6 months of little to no contact. “That's… oh. Um, well, I was acting weird when you asked me that because I'd finally admitted to myself something that I tried to ignore for years."

Mike was still visibly baffled. "Will, I really don't know what this has to do with the kissing practice. Can't you just tell me why you don't want to keep doing it?"

“I…” Will swallowed. "It’s because…”

“What?"

He stared at Mike, too unnerved to continue.

"Will, there’s nothing you can say that’ll make me turn you away. There's nothing that could change the way I see you.”

We’ll see about that, Will thought bitterly.

He gave a long sigh, and looked down resolutely at his lap. “I’m different because I’m gay, Mike. And every time we kiss, I enjoy it. I enjoy it in a way that I know I’ll never enjoy it with girls. I don’t keep pulling away because I don’t like it. It’s because I like it too much.”

Mike’s mouth gaped open, and he stared at Will, frozen.

“I’m sorry,” Will managed, his voice cracking pathetically.

“No - no, Will, you didn’t do anything wrong,” Mike said frantically, grabbing Will’s arm with both hands. “I just… why?”

“Why am I gay?” Will asked, already markedly more relaxed. Mike didn’t hate him. He wasn’t calling him a fag or ending their friendship. This was the best outcome he’d dared to hope for.

“Yeah! Yeah. I just don’t get it. People called you all sorts of awful stuff when we were kids. I don't want you making things harder for yourself."

“That’s not how it works, Mike,” Will said gently. “Being gay isn’t something I decided to do, like playing D&D. It’s like… the way you work differently than other people. You can try to hide it all you want, but you can’t make it go away. It’s just who you are.”

"I’m sorry,” Mike blurted, flushing red. “That makes sense. I guess I don’t know how to react. Or what to say."

“That’s okay,” Will reassured him.

“I just never thought that you would be gay. I sort of - I sort of thought it was something that some weird people did, like super counter-culture people.”

“The only thing you need to do is accept me,” Will told him. “I’d love if you could try to understand me, too, but all I really want is to keep being your friend.”

“Of course, Will!” Mike shook his head incredulously. “I’ll always be your friend. I could never - I could never live without you. Sometimes, I can’t believe there were years before we met.”

Tears burned in the corners of his eyes. “I couldn’t live without you, either.”

Mike gathered him in for a close hug, and Will clutched him tightly back, almost terrified of letting go. A soft hum of satisfaction vibrated in Mike's chest, and for reasons Will couldn't explain, it made him abruptly break down, tears streaming down his face. Mike stroked his back soothingly in response. He winced at the tears he was getting all over Mike’s teal shirt. After a long moment, they separated, and Will gave Mike a watery smile.

We're okay. I'm okay.

---

"Lucas," Max emphasized. "There are way too many people here."

"Glad to see you too, Mayfield," Erica deadpanned.

"That's not - okay, look. When Dustin joined us when we were testing Lucas and Mike, it was nice. Three people, three perspectives, and Dustin was even more of a nonbiased party than I was for Mike or… okay, maybe it was just me for Mike. But there's 5 people here right now!"

"It's just two more people, Max," Dustin cadjoled. "And aren't you and El partway done anyway?"

"We left off on question 4," El confirmed. "But I think that it will be nice to have more people, Max. Please?"

Max gave a long, low sigh. "Okay. Fine."

"Could I…" Dustin asked, motioning to the notebook by El's feet and the papers that laid beside it. After El nodded, he walked over to grab them. "Cool. Okay." He cleared his throat.

"Nobody else is talking," Erica said.

"Well, it creates an ambiance, okay?" Dustin asserted, his argument weakened by his blush. "So, question 1: 'He asks how you're feeling,' Mike and Will both got 3's: At least twice a week.' Oh, and you did some notes."

"Since we are looking over more time, I thought we should write down examples."

"Yeah, no, that's great. So you put, 'Mike and Will do not always ask if they are doing okay, but they always seem to know even when they ask.' Definitely agree with that."

"Mind-readers," Erica said, shaking her head. "Creeps me out sometimes."

"Question 2: For the things you're interested in, he knows them…', we have 4's, 'inside and out,' for both. Besides that, you put 'duh,' crossed it out, then wrote 'One time I asked Will what his favorite song was, he said he didn't really have a favorite song, then Mike said, 'No, his favorite song is 'There Is A Light That Never Goes Out,' and Will said, 'Oh, right, yeah, I think that is my favorite.''"

"Wow," Lucas said.

"Below that, El, you wrote 'A few weeks ago, Will told me at breakfast that I should probably not talk to Mike because he was 'very, very, very into Doctor Faustus right now and if you don't want to see some nightmare-inducing illustrations of Hellmouths, you should probably avoid talking to him for the next week or so.'"

"God, I remember that," Lucas said, grimacing. "I think it's the eyes that make it so creepy. So… wide. Staring."

"The less said about them, the better," Dustin added. "Anyway, they definitely earned their 4s there. Next, question 3: 'When you're together, he is:', both of them got 4's, 'Completely focused on you.' Next to that, El, you put 'I think Mike was obsessed with me for a while, but now he is back to normal, and his normal is completely focused on Will.' Can't say I disagree. Below it, you've got, 'Will is always completely focused on Mike whenever they are in the same room.'"

"Agreed," Erica added.

"Cool. So let's start a new one: question 4, 'He compliments you.' How often would you say Mike compliments Will and Will compliments Mike?"

"Constantly," Max said.

"Mike compliments Will on every single artpiece he makes."

There was a weary sigh, and the group collectively turned to Lucas, gaze downcast and posture slumped like a soldier recounting past battles. "When you and Mike came back from Lenora, Mike talked to me about the color of Will's eyes. They went from brown to green-and-brown. So, naturally, he decided that this change deserved ten straight minutes of discussion about how eyes can change color and if we should say WiIl has hazel eyes or green eyes and what he should put on his learner's permit and oh my God it was excruciating."

Lucas earned himself sympathetic glances all around.

"That wouldn't count as a compliment."

Lucas guffawed. "'Emerald tones?' 'Almost jade-like?' 'Like a forest?'"

"He said all that?" Erica asked, face contorted in horror.

With a grave countenance, Lucas nodded. "For ten minutes straight."

"Urgh," Max cringed. "Moving on."

"Alright. Are we going with A: All the time, then?" A chorus of agreement sounded, and Dustin wrote down a '4' for Mike and Will.

"Cool. Question 5: 'He tells you how much you mean to him.'"

"Dude, it's Mike and Will." Lucas said pointedly. "They're always telling each other how amazing they are."

"Agreed."

"Yep."

"Sappy morons," Erica added.

Dustin nodded, wordlessly scribbling down the comment and 4s for each. "Question 6: 'He initiates affection.' How often do they each initiate affection - hugs, pats on the back, anything like that?"

"Do you guys remember when Mike was complaining that Will wouldn't share his bed no matter how many times he offered during those two days before he went back to Lenora?"

"Jesus Christ, we're actually fucking blind," Max moaned.

"They hug a lot," El commented.

"Don't forget their practice kissing. Mike definitely initiated that." Erica added.

"Would you say 'Every time/usually?'" Dustin asked.

"I mean, they usually lean in for a hug at the same time, so I'm going to say yes."

Dustin finished writing down the comments and jotted down 4s for both. "So, question 7: 'How often does he give you tokens of affection.' What kind of things have been exchanged between them as presents?"

"Walkman cassettes. For both of them." Erica said.

"Mike has a whole binder of Will's drawings. He showed it to me when I wanted to see art Will did before." El added. She brought her thumb and fingers about 4 inches apart. "That is how thick it was."

"How far back?"

"He showed me the first drawing Will ever gave him when they were both 5. There were a lot more that I saw, too, but that was the earliest."

"Can we just give them both the highest score and move on?" Erica begged.

"Yep, yeah, no problem," Dustin said, writing down the 4's above the notes he'd taken. "Alright. Final question: He is blank invested in your relationship.'"

"'Blank invested?'" Lucas asked, baffled.

"There's a blank there for the answer. 'Not at all,' 'not very,' 'decently,' and 'extremely' are all options."

"Oh, right."

"I think the answer is 'Extremely.' Will was very, very upset when he thought he and Mike were growing apart when we were in Lenora. And after that…"

"…They had their whole friendship revival thing and became attached at the hip. Yeah." Dustin finished. "And while you and Will were gone, Mike was constantly talking to Eddie about Will or complaining about not being able to reach Will on the phone or deciding what things Will would have loved or hated at Hawkins High. I swear, it was like Mike was haunted by him."

"Just give them the top score."

"I will. One second." Dustin put down 4s and scribbled down the examples he and El had provided. "Awesome. So they both got 30 points, and that is…" He closed his eyes in concentration for a moment. "Uhh, 93.75%."

"Nerd," Erica teased. Dustin flushed.

"And they're not even in an actual relationship yet," Max marveled. "Damn."

---

“So, help me understand,” Mike urged.

“What?”

“Tell me what it’s like to be gay. I don't want to keep asking you dumb questions."

Will blinked. "I… um, I guess it's just like I'm wired differently. When I watched Star Wars, I stared at Mark Hamill instead of Princess Leia. Having a hot girl undress in front of me would freak me out, not be some gift from God or whatever."

"Wait, so you can tell if girls are attractive?" Mike questioned, shocked.

"Yeah. I just don't want to kiss them or - anything else. But with guys, it's different. It's… electric. When I see an attractive guy, it's like I can't stop looking. My eyes linger. With hot girls, I just think, 'that's nice to look at.' Sort of like a painting. And that's it."

Mike's face did something very strange over the course of Will's explanation. It went from confused (Mike's default), to disturbed, and finally morphed into a look of abject terror that seemed better suited for a sheltered 8-year-old watching 'The Shining.'

"Uhh… Mike?"

The other boy didn't move a muscle, his face still frozen in horror. He looked like he was posing for a haunted house advertisement.

As an agonizing silence stretched between them, Will spiralled. What if Mike had found out about his feelings? Was he disgusted? Was he confused? Was he trying to figure out a way to let Will down as kindly as possible?

"Look, Mike-"

"I think I'm gay, too."

They both spoke at the same time, which meant that it took Will another few seconds to decipher Mike's words. The instant they registered, he turned sharply to Mike, open-mouthed.

"I'm gay," Mike murmured, almost in shock. "That's - that's why having a girlfriend was such a chore. That's why I liked Sylvester Stallone and Michael J. Fox so much. That's why I stare at the guys in wrestling outfits. That's why I hated kissing El but couldn't stop kissing you."

"Oh," Will said in a small voice.

"Yeah," Mike said, shaking his head. "So, if there's anyone that should be apologizing, it should be me."

"You don't need to apologize," Will told him, brows furrowed in displeasure.

"Oh, good," Mike said, his relief obvious.

"Yeah. Neither of us need to apologize, really. Actually, you being gay is, like, the absolute best case scenario, because I was really beating myself up over kissing you when I thought you were straight."

Mike frowned. "That's dumb. I mean, I was the one who kept pushing you in the first place because I'm gay and stupid."

"Hey, hey," Will protested. "You're not stupid, Mike. You're just gay, like me, and you wanted to kiss another boy and found some convoluted logic to justify it in your head."

Is he going to deny it? Is he going to tell me that he's had feelings for me this whole time?

"Yeah. That was pretty much what happened." Mike smiled. "Thank you, Will."

"Of course," Will said, forcing a smile. Something shattered in his chest, and the pieces were spearing into his heart. "No problem."

After a long moment, Mike sighed to himself. "So, I guess this means we should stop kissing."

"Right."

I'll get over the heartbreak. Serves me right for having hope.

An unsettling silence lingered like a dank fog. Then, out of the corner of his eye, Will noticed Mike's face wrinkled in concentration, deeply pensive. He held his breath.

"You know what?" Mike said. "I have - I have this proposal. For us. And it might sound a little crazy, or a little sudden, but I really think it's a good idea."

Will's heart thudded in his chest. "Yeah? What is it?"

---

"Lucas!" A voice called from downstairs. The whole room flinched.

"Shit, sorry, guys," he told the group, walking over and opening the door. "What is it, Mom?"

"One of your friends is on the phone. Will. He wants to talk to you."

Lucas startled. "Oh! Wow. Um, I guess I'll talk to him, then. Give me a second, guys."

His mom handed him the phone, and Lucas took it with burning curiosity. "Hello?"

"Hey, Lucas," Will said. "I tried calling Dustin's house first, and his mom said he was over here, so yeah."

"Is there - is there something that you wanted to say to both of us?" Lucas asked.

"He wants to tell both of us something?" Dustin hissed, and Lucas turned to see Erica, Max, El, and Dustin all standing on the staircase, listening raptly.

Lucas furiosly mimed zipping his lips shut.

"Yeah, uh, I just wanted to let you guys know that Mike and I want the whole group to get together tomorrow. At his house."

"A group meeting?" Lucas repeated for the benefit of the eavesdroppers. He was met with dropped jaws and exuberant expressions.

"Yep, that's, uh, what I just said."

"You know, actually, um, everyone's kinda over here already, so you don't need to call anyone else."

"Dude!" Max hissed.

"Traitor," Erica sniffed.

"What? Why?" Will asked.

"Uh, we just, um… we were… talking about how much Mike sucked as a boyfriend. And, uh, we didn't want you guys there, for obvious reasons." Lucas silently congratulated himself for coming up with a decent excuse on the fly.

"Oh. I guess that's… fair. Huh. I didn't know El disliked him as a boyfriend that much."

El was giving Lucas a distinctly unamused look from the stairway. Even worse, there was a warning in her eyes that sent alarm bells ringing in Lucas' normal, very much non-superpowered brain. He gulped.

"That's, well, uh, we didn't really talk exclusively about how bad of a boyfriend Mike was. We also, um, we talked to El about her future prospects. And, y'know, it's all light-hearted ribbing. She didn't hate him as her boyfriend, she just… Anyway! So why do you and Mike want us to meet as a group?"

Erica, Dustin, Max, and El collectively leaned forward.

"Hey, Lucas," Mike's voice sounded, making Lucas blink. "Sorry, I was listening in. Uh, no worries about the whole, uh… me-being-a-bad-boyfriend discussion thing. As long as El isn't mad at me for it, I don't care."

Lucas, unable to muster any other response than wide-eyed horror, merely kept silent.

"Anyway, um, I wanted us to meet as a group because I - me and Will, actually - have something to tell you guys. So, uh, is tonight good?"

Lucas blinked harshly, astounded.

"What did he say?" Dustin whispered at a volume that very counterintuitively constituted regular speaking.

"Everyone okay with meeting tonight?" Lucas asked. A chorus of 'yes's sounded. "Awesome. Uh, we can do that."

"Cool," Mike replied, pleased. "Well, looking forward to seeing you guys at 8, then. Bye."

"Bye," Lucas said numbly, hanging up the phone with a clatter.

"What the fuck was that?" Max glanced pointedly at Lucas.

"Will and Mike want us all to meet? Why?"

"He said that they both had something they wanted to tell us," Lucas said.

There was a soft gasp of realization. All eyes turned to Dustin, who was wide-eyed and gape-mouthed in shock.

"Guys," Dustin said, a smile slowly widening across his face. "I think the Boyfriend Test might serve better as a semi-gag gift than a conversation starter."

"You don't think…" Lucas asked, mouth dry.

"Wait, you think that they're-"

"-About to tell us that they put the idiocy aside and actually got together?" Dustin beamed proudly. "That's exactly what I think we're going to hear."

Chapter Text

"Oh," Mrs. Wheeler said, blinking at him in surprise. "I thought you kids were getting together at 8."

"I came a little early," Dustin explained, slightly sheepishly.

"Don't worry about it, honey! I'm sure Mike will be glad to see you. MIKE!"

"Coming!" Mike's voice called from upstairs, and after a few moments he was bounding down the stairs. He stopped upon seeing Dustin, frozen in the headlights.

"Heya, Mike. Sorry I'm a little early, I just wanted to, uh, give you something. Is Will is your room?"

"Uh, no. He's chatting with Holly in the basement."

"I could grab him for you two," Mrs. Wheeler offered.

"No!" Mike shouted, to their collective confusion. "Sorry. Um, he told me that he wanted to relax before we… talk."

"Of course, baby," Mrs. Wheeler said warmly.

"Can I talk to you in your room, Mike?" Dustin asked, unsure if Mike and Will were going to come out to Mrs. Wheeler too.

"Yeah."

Once they were safely sequestered away from any listening ears, Dustin grinned at Mike. "So, uh, you remember what El said about a test that we did on you?"

"Sure," Mike answered, brows furrowed.

"Well, we did it on you again." Dustin waved the papers in his hand. "And we did it for Will, too. That's why we were all together when you and Will called my house."

Mike had his typical Mike Face on: slightly open mouth, furrowed brows, and with an amalgamation of confusion, shock, and mild outrage. Dustin wasn't really sure what had triggered it, but then again, he rarely did.

"For me and Will?" Mike asked.

"Yeah! Yeah. Anyway, we did it originally because we thought that you and Will might need some coaxing to get together, but then you called this whole group meeting to tell us all together, so obviously it isn't necessary in that sense - still, though, I think that it'll be something fun for you and Will to laugh at, y'know?" Dustin passed the papers over, and Mike immediately pulled them up to read them with rapture. His eyes tracked side to side as his expression grew increasingly grim, as if he was reading some horrific news story Nancy had written instead of a fun, silly little game conducted by his friends.

"So, you guys already knew about it." Mike said distantly, almost in shock. "About me and Will."

"Well, I mean, after you talked to me and Lucas about your breakup with El, the pieces all just kind of came together. And after that, we sort of figured that if you were gay, there was no way Will wasn't gay, too."

Mike's expression was deeply conflicted. Dustin took pity on him. "But, y'know, we didn't really know for sure. Uh, I still think this whole coming-out-as-a-couple thing is a good idea."

"Right," Mike said, emotionless. "Okay. Dustin, look-"

There was a knock on Mike's door, and without a pause, it swung open. A smiling Will stepped in, and he immediately stopped in his tracks upon seeing Dustin. "Oh. Dustin! Good to see you. You're, uh," he checked his watch. "19 minutes early."

"Yeah, sorry about that. I should have thought that you guys might want to, like, talk to each other and stuff beforehand."

"Oh, no, we already talked, I just wanted to ask Mike if he wanted Holly and his mom there."

Mike, whose face was frozen in an astonished gape, blinked in surprise. "Uh, my mom, yes, Holly, no."

"That's what I thought." Will smiled. "Nancy and Jonathan just got here, so I already told Holly to go dig around in the backyard for a while." His expression turned mildly panicked. "Oh, man, Mrs. Wheeler's going to be pissed."

"She knows Holly's an uncontrollable gremlin child," Mike said, waving a hand. Abruptly, he flickered back to disturbed and anxious. "So, people are already coming?"

"Uh, yeah," Will answered, baffled. He wasn't really sure why Mike was acting so strange all of the sudden when just ten minutes ago he was determined and excited. "I mean, Dustin's right here, so…"

"Yeah! Yeah, no, of course. Right. Will, could you go down and direct the people coming in? I need to talk to Dustin real quick."

Will nodded, giving Mike a soft smile. "Of course. But, Mike, are you sure you're feeling okay right now?"

"I'm - fine. Totally fine. Very… normal."

Will and Dustin squinted at him in disbelief.

Mike tensed his jaw, then looked to Will with wide eyes. "Please help them, Will?"

Dustin watched as Will's motivation bent like putty in Mike's hands. "Yeah, yeah, no problem. See you soon."

"See you soon," Mike told him softly. Will gave him one last worried look, then walked out the door.

Instantly, Mike took the papers in his hand and shoved them on his desk, where they became immediately hopelessly lost within the sea of looseleaf notebooks, homework assignments, and miscellaneous papers. He turned to Dustin, a severe look on his face.

"Mike?"

"I don't know why you would come up here right before Will and I did something so - insanely nerve wracking and try to - to ruin it!" Mike snarled furiously.

"Hey, hey, whoa, Mike, what the fuck is happening?"

"Do you understand how my brain works, Dustin?" Mike hissed.

"Uh, no. I really don't."

Mike paused. "Okay, that's - fair. But I meant the way that I handle things that are happening."

"Oh! Uh, you get super obsessed and try to do everything possible to solve it or look into it or whatever applies to the situation."

Mike nodded, to Dustin's relief. "Yes! But more importantly, I can only handle one thing at a time. More than one thing? My head practically breaks into pieces because I'm trying to put all my effort into two or more things, and that's not possible! So this - you coming here early, handing me this weird Boyfriend Test you did for me and Will, telling me almost everyone already knows about both of us being… y'know, then telling me that you're excited for us to announce that we're a couple - do you know how many things that is?! Do you understand how you're taking a metaphorical hammer to my brain right now, right before Will and I were supposed to come out to you guys together?!"

"Shit." Dustin cringed. "I didn't… I didn't think about that. I'm really sorry, Mike."

He sighed, long and slow. "Just… can you just tell everyone else who was in this stupid Test to not talk about it? You're just going to be completely derailing us."

"Sure, Mike, of course, no problem."

Mike gave him a short, tense nod. "Thanks." He sighed to himself. "I'll definitely need the time to get my head back together."

Dustin stood by the door, waiting for the others to arrive. Steve came in, then Robin, and he smiled and nodded at both. Finally, he opened the door to Erica and Lucas.

"Hey, guys. Look, about our thing earlier? Mike's feeling pretty overwhelmed with everything, so he told me to tell you guys to not mention it when he and Will tell us all. Okay, he said that he didn't want to distract from it, but he was definitely overwhelmed too."

"Fuck, I didn't think about that," Lucas said, wincing.

"We won't say anything. It's no problem." Erica added, unusually subdued.

"Awesome. Just go downstairs and join everyone else; I think Mike and Will are still gearing each other up."

The two nodded and walked away. Dustin congratulated himself. Just two more to go.

El arrived a few minutes later, smiling widely at Dustin. "Hi! Did they like the Test? They got very good scores. Only one point lower than Lucas."

"Uh, no, El, actually, we should table all mentions of the Test for now. Mike doesn't want to distract from the whole point of this meeting, and he seems a little stressed, so I think he's just hoping for minimal responses in general."

"Oh," El said regretfully. "I did not think… I will not say anything. I promise."

"Cool. Uh, everyone's down in the basement right now. Just wait there until Mike and Will come down."

She thanked him and walked off. Dustin sighed in relief. It had been El who he'd been the most worried about, response-wise. She was always so earnest to support her friends, and finding out she'd inadvertently helped to stress one of them out in her efforts to support them would be crushing.

He opened the door to Max next.

"Uh, are you the bellhop or something?"

Dustin scoffed. "No, I'm here to tell everyone involved that we shouldn't talk about the Test because it'll detract from Mike and Will's confession."

"Man, that was a really weird greeting. 2 stars. No tip."

"Max."

She sighed audibly, rolling her eyes. "Yes, Dustin, I won't say anything. They'll probably be too busy saying sappy stuff to each other anyway."

"They're holding it downstairs."

"Gotcha."

After Max walked off, a voice came from the top of the stairs. "Is that everyone?"

Dustin blinked at Will. "Yeah, it is."

"Good. One sec." Will turned towards Mike's open bedroom door. "Mike? You know you don't have to do this if you don't want to, right?"

Mike ducked out, an indignant expression on his face. "Yeah, I know. But we're doing it. That's what we said."

"But you don't have to do it. I could always-"

"I'm doing it. I'm fine, Will, seriously."

"Okay," Will said, entirely dubious. "Uh, Dustin, could you go grab Mrs. Wheeler? We'll be right down."

---

It was crowded in the Wheeler's basement. Around the table, where they typically played D&D, sat Erica, Dustin, Lucas, and Robin. On the couch sat Steve, Jonathan, and Nancy. El and Max sat on the armrests of the couch. Mrs. Wheeler was in the armchair. All of them could feel the suspense.

Will was nervous and excited in equal measures. Mike's strange response from when he was with Dustin kept lingering in his mind. But he'd pulled the other boy aside and confirmed that he still wanted to tell them tonight, so he couldn't figure out what it was. Mike still seemed subdued, and Will took it upon himself to start.

"Hey, guys. I'm really glad you could all make it - especially Jonathan and Nancy, because I know you're both still unpacking. Uh, you're probably wondering why Mike and I wanted to have you all meet here with us tonight."

Jonathan, Steve, and Nancy nodded. Everyone else in the room pointedly ignored the question.

Will blinked, mildly confused at the lack of response. "Well, Mike and I wanted to tell you something together, and we wanted to do it right here, right now, with all of you guys because…" He looked to Mike, silently prompting the other boy.

"Because I don't like having secrets, because I wanted to get it all over with in one fell swoop, and because you were nice enough to go along with it even though you didn't need to." Mike's words were obviously genuine, but they came across stiffly, rehearsed.

"Yep," Will confirmed, smiling at Mike. "And I thought that this was a long time coming, and, well, if you're doing it alongside me, I know I can do it with you."

Strangely, this response seemed to trigger an even deeper graveness to Mike's countenance. Will furrowed his brows, confused, and decided to take the leap. He looked around the room, making eye contact with everyone there, then glanced to Mike, wincing at the other boy's expression. He pushed on. "Right. So, I'm gay."

"I love you, Will," Jonathan said immediately. Will smiled at him.

"Jonathan, I know you already figured it out."

"I'm still proud of you," Jonathan countered, "And I still really love you, okay?"

"I love you, too."

"Really proud of you, too, Will!" Robin cheered. Will nodded to her gratefully.

"I didn't…" Nancy murmured. "Huh. I guess I never really thought about it before, but that makes sense. Oh, and I support you."

"Thanks, Nancy."

"Very brave of you, sweetheart." Mrs. Wheeler smiled.

He was met with similar responses from the rest of the group: unwavering support and admiration of his bravery.

"Thank you guys so much. It's - it's really amazing to have your support. You know, two years ago, if someone asked me if I was ever planning on coming out, I would have said, 'no, and oh my God, you know I'm gay?'" He roused chuckles from the small crowd. Will grinned and continued. "Well, I have to say, it feels good."

He glanced over to Mike, staring stonily ahead.

"Uh, Mike? Did you already know or something? I would've thought you'd have something to say." Nancy interrupted.

Mike flinched back, blinking wildly. "Oh! Uh, Will, you were - perfect. I mean, you coming out. That was perfect. And really brave, too, of course. And, yeah, I already knew."

"I mean, for five hours," Will muttered.

"Cool!" Mike blurted, almost manic. "Yep. Five hours. Feels like a lot longer."

Will gave him a prompting glance. Mike gulped.

"Um, so… I was really, um, surprised to hear that Will was gay, because I always thought that was something that happened to… I don't know, guys that wear dresses and stuff. And Will is - yeah. Um, and then he told me what it was like, y'know, to be gay, what sort of things you felt, and I was so confused at first because he was just describing stuff all guys felt, right? But he wasn't. Because guys - guys enjoy kissing their girlfriends, and don't feel weird when they look at their - um, when they see attractive guys, and they don't wonder what the big deal is about Phoebe Cates, and…" He trailed off, looking lost.

"Wait," Nancy said, and Mike immediately turned his head to look at her. "This is… you're coming out right now. You're…"

"Gay! Exclusively attracted to men. A homo of the flaming variety." Mike stared at her worriedly. "Is that…"

"No! No, sorry, I didn't mean to freak you out. I just - wow. Didn't expect that. Actually, that does kind of makes sense. I always thought there was something off about you and El. Um, I love you. And I'm proud of you."

"Thank you," Mike said, unusually shyly.

"Baby?" Mrs. Wheeler asked, and Mike met her gaze. "I love you. You're such a brave boy, and you always have been."

"Thanks, Mom."

Next to Nancy, Jonathan piped up. "Uh, I didn't really see that coming either, but I'm so glad. That you told us. And it's great that you're doing it with Will, because you guys-"

"Because we're best friends!" Mike interjected with an oddly frantic energy. "Best friends. Who are both gay. But not - anything more than that! Because we're friends! Definitely no romantic feelings! That would - that would be crazy! We're just platonic! Platonic buddies!"

Will snapped his eyes to Mike's the second the other boy's speech began. At first, horror burned like acid in his stomach. His feelings for Mike, so carefully hidden, now splattered like a dropped bucket of paint. But as Mike's words continued, the terror gave way to an indignant fury, and his face twisted into a scowl.

When he finished, Mike kept his eyes purposely averted from Will as his face grew red.

A few moments of silence ensued.

"Okay," Robin said slowly. "Wow. I think I speak for all of us when I say that if you two don't get into a room alone and talk to each other honestly, we'll lock you in a closet together."

Mrs. Wheeler smiled. "Honey, our closet doesn't lock. But I can lock Mike's bedroom door from the outside."

"No locking me and Will in together! Fine. I'll - talk. We'll talk. Is that going to satisfy your demands?"

"Yes," Erica said drily. "Now, go."

---

The instant they walked into Mike's room, Mike grabbed large handfuls of hair and tugged as he gave a long, frustrated groan.

"Look, Mike, I get it if you wanted to make sure nobody got the wrong idea, but that was - you do understand why I'm kind of pissed at you, right?"

"I know!" Mike yelled, staring at Will desperately. "I know, okay? And I'm sorry! But my brain was kind of kicking into hyperdrive with all the shit Dustin shoved at me, and I just wanted to - to make sure things were set right!"

"So, what?" Will snapped. "You decided to - to humiliate me in front of everyone?"

"No! Why are you even…" Mike shook his head, a baffled expression striking his face. "Just - you know what? Let me grab the Test."

Will watched in confusion as Mike walked over to his desk, ran his fingers over the top papers, muttered a curse, then combed through even more papers. After a couple minutes, he finally came across the right ones and snatched them, holding them in the air with triumph. "Here they are!"

"Why are you grabbing those?" Will asked, entirely lost.

"Just - look. Dustin gave them to me; that's why I was so freaked out earlier."

Will took the proffered papers, scanning the title. Boyfriend Test? What the hell is that?

He read through it slowly, going through every note and explanation made below each question. His face grew steadily redder the further he read on, and he gave an odd wheeze as he read the section where Dustin had somehow figured out their practice kissing. Every mention of his own pining-induced actions made him wince, and every clear exaggeration of Mike's efforts made him scoff. On the last page, under their twin scores of 30, Dustin had written, "Congrats on getting together, you dummies! Here's some proof that you're great boyfriends to each other."

Will closed his eyes, prayed uselessly to whatever all-powerful entity there was that clearly hated his guts, and drew in a deep breath. He felt some of his sanity returning.

"Okay," Will finally said. "I think I understand what's going on. You're irritated that our friends think we act like a couple, and you're especially irritated that they think we just got together."

"What?" Mike asked, gaping at Will with astonishment. "No! Of course I wouldn't be irritated by that! Just - when I read this Test thing, I realized it, because this is direct proof that I was mind-blowingly stupid and I totally screwed things up between us."

"Right," Will said, dejected. He thinks that he shouldn't have indulged me in our friendship. "But Mike, I don't think either of us has to be sorry about this. It's just the situation we're in, the situation we've been in. And it kind of sucks."

"Yeah, but I obviously did more things wrong. Like, I did that whole kissing practice idea - God, I'm so stupid, how did I not know just from that?"

Will furrowed his brows. If anything, Will had been the reluctant party; hell, he was the one to ultimately shut it down between them. It didn't make sense to use it as evidence of Will's crush. But that wasn't what Mike was talking about, was it? Mike had mentioned things he himself had done wrong, and if he was talking about their kissing, the only conclusion that the kissing could have made obvious was…

"You're in love with me," Will breathed.

Mike flinched slightly. "I… yeah. And even when I didn't know it, I was still manipulating you to do more stuff with me than a best friend should, just because I felt… like that towards you. So I'm really sorry. And I don't really understand why you'd feel humiliated when I tried to make sure everyone understood that we weren't together, but I guess… you don't want anyone to know about the situation? I mean, it is kind of awkward. But they already thought we were both in love with each other and-"

"We are."

Mike blinked. "What?"

Will laughed incredulously. "Holy shit. Mike, I thought you were talking about how I was in love with you. That's why I felt humiliated. But you - we…" Will gave another stunned, ecstatic laugh. "We're both in love with each other. This whole Test is proof of that. I mean, did you really think you somehow roped me into being just as crazy about you as you're crazy about me?"

"I… yeah. I did." Mike's expression was full of wonder.

"I was so convinced that you didn't feel the same. I made you a whole painting our freshman year and instead of telling you that I needed you and that you made me feel better for being different, I passed it off as El's words."

Mike's eyes were wide and searching. "That… that was all you?"

"Yes, Mike."

The other boy shook his head. "But.. but why did you not want to kiss me?"

"Because I felt bad that I was in love with you and you were only kissing me as 'practice.' Or, well, turns out you were kissing me because you were in love with me. So, why did you want to stop after we both came out to each other?"

"Because I thought you were a friend who was also gay. So it's like, a guy and a girl. And I guess I figured that it didn't make sense anymore."

"I want to be clear that I do not follow that logic at all," Will asserted. "But then again, I was the one who tried to fix a relationship that was doomed from the start. Which is just - unbelievably stupid."

"Maybe just a little," Mike admitted with a smile.

Will laughed lightly. "Sometimes I feel like you make me the most stupid, crazy version of myself possible."

"Yeah. Definitely. You do that for me, too."

They stared at each other for a long moment.

"So, could I maybe kiss you as your boyfriend, instead of your friend that's also gay? Would that fit your parameters?"

Mike stared at him in awe. "Yeah. Yeah, that would - fit."

Will tossed the papers carelessly to the floor and drew Mike in for a long kiss, biting gently at his lower lip. Mike was giggling when they seperated.

"You have to lean up to kiss me," he teased.

"Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure if you tried to dip me we'd both crash to the floor."

Mike's lips twitched. "Doesn't cancel out you being short."

"5'9" isn't short!"

"If you weren't out of arguments, why would you bring up some irrelevant thing people only do in movies?"

Will gave him a smug smile. "I'll show you irrelevant."

"What do you- oh my God!" Mike shrieked as Will put a hand on his arm, the other on his back, and dipped him like a Hollywood actress.

"You're so dumb," Mike laughed, grabbing Will's chin and tugging him into another kiss.

---

When Mike and Will came back downstairs, they were both flushed, grinning like maniacs, and holding each other's hands.

"Disregard everything I said about me and Will being platonic," Mike murmured sheepishly.

"FINALLY!" Dustin bellowed, throwing his fists in the air in celebration. "Sweet victory!"

"Dustin, if you were ever on the news, it would be because scientists discovered cringe could be written into genetic code," Erica said through gritted teeth.

Mrs. Wheeler muffled a giggle in her hand before giving Mike a loving smile. "I'm very happy for you, baby!"

"Congrats, dude," Lucas added. "I would say I was impressed you both figured it out if it hadn't been building for the last decade."

"Mike, you're an idiot."

"Max!" Will hissed.

Mike grinned. "Thank you for your input, Max, I'll put that into consideration."

"I'm happy you two got together." Jonathan said. "But Mike, I swear, if you don't treat my brother the way that he deserves-"

"Jonathan!" Will cried, indignant and horribly embarrassed. "Don't give my boyfriend the shovel talk, oh my God!"

"I have every intention of being the best boyfriend possible to Will," Mike stated, eying Jonathan nervously.

"Glad to hear it."

"I was cheering for you guys the whole time," Robin bragged. "Or, well, for the last year since I noticed, anyway."

"Mike, and I say this with affection," Steve said, "you are one of the most clueless people I've ever met, including myself. And the fact that you got with the guy you're in love with gives me hope for my own romantic life."

Mike nodded sagely. "I honestly can barely believe it myself."

"I am very glad you figured it out." El told them.

"You aren't mad at my dumb brother for dating you for literal years when he was gay and in love with Will the whole time?" Nancy asked.

"No. I did not really want to be in a relationship with him for a while. So I do not mind." El smiled at Mike. "Besides, I was the one to dump you."

"Very fairly," Mike said.

"You will be great boyfriends to each other." El shared a knowing smile with Erica, Dustin, Max, and Lucas.

Will grinned. "Yeah. I really think we will."

Chapter Text

"Hey, babe?"

Max squinted over at Lucas, standing in the doorway with a huge smile on his face. He had a bouquet of marigolds he was holding out pointedly.

"You're too sweet to me, Lucas." Max smiled. "They're gorgeous."

He stepped forward to hand her the bunch of flowers. Max took it from his hand, then grabbed his wrist and tugged him down for a kiss. Lucas was laughing when they separated. "I guess that means you like them, huh?"

"You know I like flowers," Max muttered, face flushing. She'd always been a little embarrassed by loving flowers, especially by how girly and stereotypical it was, and had loudly proclaimed her dislike of them. But Lucas had figured out their senior year in high school that she secretly enjoyed them, and he'd teased her mercilessly ever since.

"I do." Lucas grinned. "You want me to put them in some water?"

"Please."

As Lucas walked back to their cramped kitchen, he set some papers in his other hand onto the counter. Max blinked at them while Lucas got out a vase and filled it with water in the sink. "Uh, what are those?"

"Huh?" Lucas asked, turning around with the vase in hand. "Oh! One second."

He put the flowers in the water, set the vase where it could be the first thing seen when entering their tiny, pathetic apartment, and snatched the papers up. Lucas motioned to their couch, and Max took a seat as he walked over.

"So what are they?"

Lucas half-sat on the arm of the couch, fiddling smugly with the papers. "Do you remember that test you did on me and Mike? Right before Mike and Will got together?"

"The Boyfriend Test? Yeah, I do." Max's eyes darted to the papers in her boyfriend's hand. "Lucas, please don't tell me those are-"

"Yep! Take a look."

He offered her the papers gaily. She gave him a deadpan look.

"You're forcing me to look at the absolute depths of my teenage cringiness? Really?"

"It wasn't cringy," Lucas protested, backtracking at Max's expression. "Fine, maybe it was a little cringy. But that's totally okay! I mean, I joined in when we did it for Will and Mike. So some of that cringe is on me."

"I'm pretty sure it's on the people that made it up in the first place," Max grumbled.

"It's cute, babe. Seriously. And it was a serious ego-booster that I got the highest score."

"Of course it was," Max said, shoving lightly at Lucas' arm.

"You sure you don't want to take a look?"

Max sighed loudly and took the papers, flipping through to the graphs of the scores. "Nearly perfect. That sounds about right."

"Always room for improvement, I guess."

Max smiled. "You know, me and El thought that maybe you guys were doing a Girlfriend Test on me when you were trying to get Will and Mike to get their heads out of their asses."

Lucas laughed, giving Max a crafty look. "Y'know, in just one move, you can keep that from ever happening."

"What do you mean?"

He got off the couch and dug his hand into his jacket pocket, drawing out a small box. Then, he got on one knee.

"Oh my God-"

"Max Mayfield," Lucas stated. "Which technically isn't your full name, but I know you hate it when people say your full name. Max, you smart, funny, beautiful, perfect girl, I started falling for you the first time I saw you, but it wasn't until you told me the secret to getting the top score in Dig Dug that I fell in love with you. Every time you get depressed, I want to move mountains to make you happy again, and every time you're happy, my whole world brightens with you. When your life was in danger before we killed Vecna, I was convinced that if you died, I would die too. I want to be with you for the rest of my life, because I don't think I could live without you. Will you marry me?"

"Yes!" Max cried, tears running down her cheeks. "Yes, oh my God, Lucas!"

He slipped the plain gold ring onto her finger, grinning brighter than the sun. "This is the engagement ring, by the way. I know you like things without unnecessary details. But I want you to be the one to pick out your wedding ring, because I know I'd screw up with the diamond cut or size or whatever."

"We can go to that pawnshop near us and pick out a piece," Max murmured.

"You want a used one?"

"I like those old-fashioned ones, y'know, from the 50's."

"Then that's what we'll get," Lucas grinned.

Max grabbed him by the collar and kissed him hard. Lucas laughed into her mouth and deepened the kiss, bringing them both to their feet as he ran a hand acroos her back.

"You want to do our first romp in the hay as fiancées?"

"I'd like nothing more."

"Doo dee doo! Doo dee doo!" El cooed, bouncing Rory on her knee so the one-year-old was giggling madly.

"Who's my little muchkin? Who's my silly little munchkin?" Ben teased, grinning as he pinched lightly at Rory's chubby arms, making her shriek with joy. Her wisps of blond hair were a few shades lighter than his, but it was obvious where the little girl had inherited the color.

Will eyed the toddler warily. In the handful of times he'd been around his niece since she was born, he'd never quite shaken the strange intimidation he held towards the infant. Then again, children in general were intimidating to him, as cute as they could be. He had no clue why Mike, El, and Ben all seemed to deal with them so easily.

Lucas, Max, Dustin, and Erica were all smiling at the baby. Mike, of course, was making goofy faces at Rory as he leaned towards the toddler, still gleefully bouncing on El's knee.

"Your first-grade teacher is showing," Will whispered loudly in Mike's ear.

His boyfriend twisted around and smiled. "Showing me what?"

Will groaned, and Mike laughed uproariously. Across from them, Rory joined in, her high-pitched giggles temporarily overcoming Will's constant faint fear that was adopted every time a child was in close range. El glanced over at Max, realizing she was about to speak, and put Rory up on her chest and rocked lightly, lulling the toddler to sleep.

"So, Lucas and I brought you guys here because we wanted you all to hear it first," Max began.

"Are you telling us you're definitely not deeply in love with him?" Erica immediately asked, shaking with suppressed laughter.

"Oh my God, guys, that was seven years ago!" Mike hissed.

Will made an about-face. "You were pretty funny when you did that, love."

As expected, the pet name made Mike smile sappily at Will, annoyance forgotten.

"I'm definitely not saying that," Max replied, nudging Lucas lightly with an elbow.

"So-"

Lucas was immediately interrupted when Rory gave a loud squall. Will winced.

"Here, I'll take her," Ben told El, who passed a noisy Rory into his grasp. He rocked her in his arms, babbling nonsense to her and kissing the top of her downy head. Rory kicked her chubby legs and threw her tiny hands in the air, hitting Ben's chest, but he continued with his efforts. "You go to sleep for Dada? You go to sleep for Dada?"

Will hoped with all his heart that she really would go to sleep for Dada.

Thankfully, after a few minutes of rocking and baby-talk from both Ben and El, Rory finally went to sleep. All adults breathed easy.

In a much quieter voice, Lucas said, "So, we wanted to tell you guys that…"

He and Max both raised their hands to expose the nondescript gold rings on each of their ring fingers.

"Max!" El gasped, volume low. "I am so happy for you! I was hoping you and Lucas would get engaged soon!"

"Are you pregnant again?" Will asked, eying his sister warily. "Or trying for another baby?"

"No, but we're not not trying, I guess," Ben informed him.

"God, you straight people are so weird," Will said, shaking his head. "Just - maybe you'll start growing a whole other person, just randomly? That just - that's still so insane to me."

"Hetero couples," Erica corrected.

"Yeah, sure, hetero couples."

"It's beautiful," Mike sighed, smiling warmly at Rory in Ben's arms. Will looked to him nervously; he could already hear Mike's begging to take Rory for a night. Even worse, he wasn't sure if he could refuse his boyfriend.

"It definitely is," Ben agreed.

"Also beautiful is Max and Lucas getting married! You have to let me help you plan," El begged.

"Of course I want you to plan it with me, El! You know how bad I am with little details and stuff. Registries? Kill me."

"When are you having it?"

"Uhh…" Lucas and Max looked at each other.

Max shrugged. "I sort of thought that it'd be, like, next summer?"

"That sounds great," Lucas told her. "I wasn't really thinking of a specific time. I just knew I wanted to marry you."

"Oh, shut up," Max groaned, pushing lightly at his arm.

"Aw, what? Are you embarrassed by how much I love you?"

"No, I'm embarrassed by how cheesy you are. There's a difference."

"Sickening!" Erica called. Immediately, Rory began to wail.

"Hey, Reeree, you're okay, shh, it's alright, come on, Reeree…" Ben murmured, slowing the rocking of his arms and talking into the fuzz on Rory's head. Unfortunately, the 1-year-old was ill-inclined to quiet down, and El was forced to bring in the big guns.

"Rory, look!" El said, floating a giraffe plushie out of the diaper bag and above Ben and Rory. "Jeffy!"

Instantly, the little girl giggled, and El brought it down onto her tiny chest. She looked purposefully to Ben, and her husband passed a tamed Rory over for El to crowd into her chest, wrapping her arms around the infant's back and humming to her until she was entirely quiet.

"Sorry about that. We can totally find a babysitter."

"Ben, El, you guys don't need to do that. We'll do a more casual thing. Outdoors, arrange some chairs, short ceremony. Lucas, that sound good to you? I mean, neither of us is huge on fancy stuff or anything like that."

"It's sounds perfect, babe," Lucas smiled softly.

"You guys are so gross," Mike muttered from where he sat, hand entwined with Will's and legs tangled together.

The entirety of the group stared at him dubiously.

"What?"

Max had found her wedding dress for $20 at a resale shop, and she'd spent a further $10 having it tailored. It was a bright white lace dress with a deep V-neck in the front and back that went down to her ankles. There was no train extending the back, and Max had forgone a veil as well. It was a simple outfit, which was exactly the way Max liked it.

Lucas had gone very traditional in a bespoke black tuxedo with a white undershirt and black tie. His parents had reluctantly allowed Max to pick out her dress, but they were insistent on finding Lucas his wedding suit. Lucas didn't really care either way.

In Max's hands was a bouquet outfitted with orange carnations and baby's breath. she fiddled with the leaves on the stems as she looked to the officiate, Mrs. Wheeler's sister, flown in from Maine.

"Max, is there anything you'd like to say before your vows?"

"Yes," she said, and she looked to Lucas with a loving smile. He was grinning like a loon. "Um, there was a time when I treated our relationship like it was… a joke, I guess. God, that sounds bad. I just mean that, um, it felt like something I kind of took for granted. Lucas has always been incredibly sweet and supportive in every way possible. Well, when we first broke up, there was a lot of sexist whining-" The crowd laughed. "But I think 14-year-old boys are allowed one free pass. Anyway, Lucas has been there for me when I was this miserable shell of a person. He's been there when my life was in danger. And he's been there when I've goofed around. So I guess doing this whole - marriage thing is my way of saying, 'Hey, I'm there for you, too. And I always want to be there for you, for the rest of my life.'"

There was a lot of applause. Max flushed in embarrassment and hoped desperately that the special-occasion makeup she was wearing would hide it.

"And you, Lucas?"

Lucas didn't take his eyes off Max. "Yes, I do. Max, you really shouldn't forgive me that easily for how much of a turd I was in middle school. Honestly, you should have broken up with me. I practically followed you around like a kid to an ice cream truck when you moved here - I was a little creep!"

There were some chuckles from the audience, largely from Dustin, Mike, and Will.

"But things change. Hell, this whole town changed. We got a mall, it burned down, there were a string of murders, a kidnapping, an investigation into a satanic cult - well, that part was bull, but the rest is true. Y'know, it might sound self-centered of me, but I always kind of felt like it made sense that just as things finally calmed down, you and I finally got together and stayed together."

He grinned when Max rolled her eyes lightly, smiling. "Yeah, yeah, I know, it's cheesy. But I guess I took it as the universe trying to make up for putting me through hell on earth when your life was in danger. That was… that was the worst moment of my life. I was so terrified that I would lose you completely, because you make the world brighter, Max. No matter what place you're in. But I couldn't say the same of my world, because you are my world. And that's exactly why I wanted to marry you."

"Sap," Max mumbled.

"We're getting married right now!"

"My sap," Max corrected, grinning.

The officiant's brows were wrinkled as he moved on to exchanging rings.

"What'd you think?"

Mike looked to Will with confusion, slowing with his steps and making them falter slightly as they danced. "About what?"

Will laughed. "About the wedding. The ceremony, the decorations, the set-up, everything and anything."

"Hmm." Mike's eyes grew distant as he parsed out his view, his movements slowing, and Will picked up the slack and took the lead.

"Well, I thought it was great. Max definitely decided the whole simple, outdoors theme. The sound system, y'know, the boombox, isn't the best, but I definitely like the music."

"It keeps going from weird alt stuff to, like, Michael Jackson," Mike interjected.

"Exactly! No Bruce Springsteen, no Boys II Men, no Madonna - don't tell El I said that - just a lot of half-decent pop and alt punk rock."

Mike nodded slowly. "Yeah. Yeah, it is pretty cool. I've never been to a wedding with such specific songs before."

"I think that Jonathan told Lucas about how he regretted getting a DJ that couldn't play more than a couple of his favorites. He told me that Lucas went to him for advice."

"That sounds about right."

Will let them dance for a few moments, Mike taking the lead as they rocked back and forth. Finally, he asked, "So, what did you like or not like about this wedding?"

Mike frowned in concentration, almost stopping in his tracks. Will suppressed a laugh and started leading their dancing again. "I think… I think I liked that they had the whole buffet outside. I didn't like the fancy plates and stuff at Nancy's wedding. Lot easier just to have a row go up at a time to get their food."

That hadn't remotely been on Will's radar when he asked Mike what he'd thought about the wedding, which made it all the more enjoyable to hear. "Oh, yeah, that was nice. Anything else?"

"It was kind of nice that it wasn't in a church with a minister, and there's only people we know. So we can dance like this."

Will pressed his lips together and gave a pained smile. Things were already better than they'd been in the '80's and up to a couple years ago, but it wasn't like they could just go out anywhere hand-in-hand. They hadn't dared dance together at Nancy and Jonathan's wedding with Mike's dad still in the picture.

"Yeah. I definitely like that part, too."

Mike looked at him with wide, imploring eyes. "I really wish that I could show more people how much I love you."

Instantly, Will's heart melted. "Me too, love."

"Have you… have you thought any more about the NYC offer?"

"We're doing this now?"

"Will." Mike was giving him those puppy-dog eyes he knew were irresistible. "I'm just saying we should think about it."

"We don't even know if this is a stable job! Just because they're willing to hire me as a illustrator doesn't mean that they're going to keep me as one. And we don't know if whatever school systems there are going to hire you, or how the environment or what the pay is like! It's just…"

"A risk," Mike concluded. "It's a risk. But it's a risk in a place where we don't have to worry about being victims of hate crimes because we were standing too close together at the grocery store. I mean, look at everything around us."

They both turned to look around at all the other dancing couples: Dustin and Erica, Jonathan and Nancy, Joyce and Hopper, and more as well as Grandma Sinclair, who was shaking her fists in the air and headbanging as she danced around by herself to Sonic Youth.

"We're here because we're celebrating love," Mike said, eyes glittering. "And we… we can't even show our love. I know that you want to be near your family, and I do, too, but I want to live in an apartment with just me and you, not Garrett or any other roommate we might have. I want to find other people like us besides Robin and Erica. I want… I want us to be free."

This time, it was Will's turn to falter, forcing Mike to take the lead.

"I don't want to ruin this whole wedding with this stuff, I just think that flat-out dismissing it isn't-"

"I'll consider it," Will said. "And I mean, seriously consider it."

Mike flinched and stumbled, pulling them to a halt. "You… really?"

"Yeah. But could you just… tell me why you're willing to just leave Hawkins behind?"

Mike nodded, looking away as he concentrated on his reply. "I like being near our family, near our friends, being in the town that's our home. But it's not really a home if we're not comfortable in it, and we could be more comfortable in a bigger city with better attitudes. I really believe that."

"I know." Will said softly.

"Hey, guys!" Ben said cheerily, making them both jump. Rory was smiling and kicking her feet in the stroller in his hands. El stood beside him, a hand on her bump.

"Rory, look! Uncle Will!"

"Unc! Unc! Unc!" Rory chanted.

"You wanna see Uncle Will, Rory?" Ben questioned.

The toddler lurched up in her stroller, prompting Ben to bend down and help the 2-year-old out. Instantly, she ran to Will, hugging his legs.

Will couldn't help but crack a smile. "Okay, okay, I'll pick you up."

"Yay Unc!" Rory cheered, and she squealed when Will grabbed her little body and lifted her high into the air. She shrieked with joy as he lifted her again.

"She loves you so much, Will," El said, heart warming.

Will carefully set her down, turning her gently towards Mike, who immediately lit up before crouching down to look her in the eye.

"Hey, Ror-ror! How you doing? Do you like all the pretty flowers?"

Will left Mike to engage with Rory as he pulled El slightly to the side. "Hey, sis, this is a little out-of-the-blue, but would you ever… um…"

"Would I ever move away from Hawkins if I had the chance?"

He gaped at her. "Did you - did you read my thoughts?"

El giggled. "No. Mike talked to me about the offer. I think you should take it."

"He mentioned it to me just now; I thought it just popped into his head. But I guess he's been thinking about this a lot longer than I thought."

El pressed her lips together, reluctant to relive one of the many dismal parts of their childhoods. "Will, I know that living in Lenora for 6 months did something to you. It made you… feel like Hawkins was the only place where you felt complete."

"Yes," Will breathed, so profoundly surprised at her accuracy that the word drifted like an afterthought.

"But you felt like that because you were away from all of your friends. Away from Mike. And this time, Mike will be with you. And New York City is not too far away; we can always visit. You will even be closer to Jonathan and Nancy."

"Yeah," Will said slowly. "Yeah. You're right."

"Hug?" El implored.

Will wordlessly stepped forward and wrapped her tightly in his arms. She smiled and returned the embrace.

"You're my favorite sister, you know that?"

"I am your only sister," El said, frowning.

"…Maybe."

The sound of loud shrieking caught both of their attentions. Mike had Rory set on his shoulders, his hands lifting her little arms in the air. He made quick little turns that thrilled the toddler to no end. Beside him, Ben stood with a Polaroid, snapping pictures.

"Mike's going to miss Rory," Will murmured.

"Rory will miss you and Mike," El agreed. "But I do not want you to stay trapped here. That will make me much more sad than having to drive to see you."

"It just… it's so hard. To take that leap, knowing that there's no security net. Having to trust that this huge change is the right decision."

"I know a bit about life-changing choices," El smiled. "And mine turned out very, very well."

"It did, didn't it?" Will laughed.

Rory gave an ecstatic giggle as Mike swung her down to the ground.