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Dirk has been sitting in his room, just doing stuff he usually did. Programming robots, drawing, talking to his pals, reading, training and so on.
Lately his orange juices, which he drank all the time, began to leave sharp pain in his throat. Pain unlike any he had ever felt. Like that OJ had thorns in it.
He ignored it, and obviously haven't told anyone, not even his best friend Jake. Sure he could talk to Jake, tell him anything. But he was never really that open with him. Maybe because he didn't want to burden the guy or maybe just because he had these undying feelings for him.
Dirk had liked Jake ever since, honestly not even he himself remembers when it started. It started as a silly crush, right.
“It will pass.”, he said, “It will go away.”. But it never did. Feelings just kept blooming like a flower in his heart. He tried everything to get rid of those feelings. He truly believed that Jake deserved better, better than him. These feelings were like an obstacle, stopping him from being honest, stopping him from being true friend for Jake.
He spent most of his night sleepless. He was awake at Derse all the time, just as he was here, so there was no need to go to sleep, and if he did, something might happen to his earthly vessel that holds his damaged, unclear soul. On those sleepless nights, he couldnt help but wonder; “What if?”. What if this, what if that. It broke him even more to think about it. He knew, even if Jake was to be with him, he wouldn't be able to return his true feelings, and that would hurt. Jake is guy for adventures, he cant stay in one place for too long, unlike Dirk. And he knew damn well he would want too much of Jake, or he himself would be too much, or not enough. He would hurt Jake. Jake doesnt deserve that.
Night rolled past his window, the usual red glow disappearing behind the horizon of deep ocean. Dirk sat in the balcony, watching the Sun say its goodbyes before its lover took over the sky. He felt like he couldnt breathe, his troath felt like it was closing and his lungs ached, causing him to cough. Something came out. Something so small, so irrelevant yet something he had never seen before. In his palm was just a few purple petals, glowing against the moonlight, while mixing with some of his salvia and blood.
“What the...?”
Why would he cough up petals of a flower? He had never seen a flower in his life, unless it was on the screen. But the purple shade of this one was too familiar. So strange, yet so familiar, like a déjà vu.
What was he even thinking. Its just a few petals, he probably ate something, is what he said to himself as he quickly tossed it off, making it slowly fall down in the ocean, continuing to shine under the Moon.
As much as Dirk wanted to dismiss this event, he couldn't help but wonder. Everyone would search for answers, if this happened to them. But he isnt everyone. He is different, he was told, he is unhuman, weird. An outcast. Maybe that was bad, but the worse part is that he already knew that. He told all those things, and much more to himself as he sat and cried, dragging the blade across his skin and making it bleed like it should. His skin, so pale, like it had no blood circulation. He often was told he was a vampire. Maybe he was, because seeing the blood run down his hands was so delightful.
However his curiosity took the better of him, and he spent yet another sleepless night behind the screen, watching and searching. For anything, anything at all.
“Hyacinth” was the most accurate one he had found. It was true, he had seen it before. He got that flower on ‘What flower am I?’ quiz. He had no idea this flower even existed before that. He had no idea what it represented, and he didnt really care. He got off the web, going to his bed to lay and stare at the ceiling like he usually did. And just as he did, his lungs started aching again, like someone just sat on him, not allowing him to breathe. He turned to the side, before he choked to death and began coughing. More petals, more blood. The blood was the least of his worries, he had already seen it countless times. But the petals. It was. Strange, to say at least.
Days passed by, his coughing just got worse, it was growing harder to breathe and the petals just kept coming.
He couldn't take it, it was all too much for him to take. So he decided to tell the only person he had know would listen, and maybe even care. He waited for her text. Waited and waited as his condition got even worse. And then she finally did.
Calliope, as cheerful as ever, had texted him about something that he never really cared about. And so, as she finally seemed like she was done he told her. And shockingly, she knew what it was.
Of course she did.
“Hanahaki disease” she said, and it sounded like some badass anime name. Too bad this is real. Or maybe it isnt all that bad. He got some sick Japanese-like disease. Coughing up flowers? What a joke, well it seemed like a joke until she asked “who is it?”. Well she seemed quite serious even before that, but thats when Dirk got serious as well. “What do you mean?”, he asked. “the lUcky person, of coUrse!”, she responded. How in the fuck did she know? Anyways, thats none of her fucking business, Dirk thought. He can just lie, right? “I've no idea what the fuck you're talking about, dude.”. But of course he did, he just had to be difficult, he could never be normal. He and Calliope kept arguing like two kids who couldnt decide on what to play until she finally told him.
The unreturned feelings lead to Hanahaki disease, and if not cured he would die. Only way to cure it, is for feelings to be returned.
He stared at his screen for a long few minutes, not responding to her, not moving an inch, not doing anything and just barely breathing. Calliope kept spamming him, but he just shut the computer off. This was just way to much to take in. Tell Jake how he feels, or die. Tell Jake and possibly ruin everything and die, or tell Jake and maybe save himself and win Jake over. Tell or dont. He had only two opinions but it felt like thousand and two. And both of them weren't looking all to great.
He was torn, but the more doubt he felt the more his troath felt like it was closing, each passing hour and day. Days went off, in the blink of an eye and he began coughing up whole flowers. That was a bad sign wasnt it? But he decided not to tell Jake. If he did, it would go against everything he ever did. All the pain he went through for nothing. No matter how bad it hurt, he would never tell Jake. And so he stopped talking to him. Hiding one secret was hard enough, and this. This is too much to hide, so best would be to distance himself. No explanation, no nothing. Maybe that was Jake will get over his death easier.
What Dirk didnt expect was that Jake didnt text him either, for a long time. Well, that was until he did. He sent only one message, but Dirk didnt dare open it.
One, two, three, too many days passed.
Way too many, it was the end for Dirk. The end of his road, the end of everything. Maybe this is how it was always meant to be, with him dead. He only every brought bad luck anyways. It is better this way. He went to his balcony, to watch one last sunset before takes his last breath. The Sun rolled behind the horizon, like usual. Moon taking over the red glow and making it blue. Dirk took his phone, looking at notifications, one last time. He expected nothing, but there was one singular notification. One he feared to open, maybe it was time to do it now. He didnt want to die a coward.
He sat on the ground, feeling the tears well up in his eyes from the lack of oxygen, blood was already leaking out of his mouth, followed by the beautiful purple petals and flowers. He unlocked his phone, going to the Pesterchum app. And just as he was about to read what Jake had wrote. His heart stopped beating. His lungs, now full of hyacinth in full bloom. His white shirt painted red of blood, and flowers all around him. And with phone in his hands, with the text that read;
“Dirk, my ol’ chap. I've been meaning to tell you something, shucks buster! This is hard!”
“I love you, dirk. I hope you feel the same way! :B”