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Created The Chat: "The Olympians"

Summary:

In which the gods have a group chat and chaos ensues.
That's about it.

Work Text:

Thunderbringer created the chat: “The Olympians”

 

AroAceArtemis joined the chat: “The Olympians”

 

Thunderbringer: my second favorite daughter!

AroAceArtemis: Why did you only invite me and Athena?

Thunderbringer: i dont like anyone else

AroAceArtemis: Dad…

Thunderbringer: fine. im feeling nice today

Thunderbringer: there i invited everyone

 

ItsMyHusbandsFault joined the chat: “The Olympians:”

 

ItsMyHusbandsFault: Hello

AroAceArtemis: Hera?

ItsMyHusbandsFault: Yes

Thunderbringer: hera your username is dumb

ItsMyHusbandsFault: Says “Thunderbringer”

Thunderbringer: ITS COOL

ItsMyHusbandsFault: Sure dear. Whatever helps you sleep at night

 

ApolLester joined the chat: “The Olympians”

 

ApolLester: hi suckers and Artemis

AroAceArtemis: Hi brother

Thunderbringer: thats disrespectful apollo

ApolLester: yeah and you’re one to talk about respect DAD

ItsMyHusbandsFault: He’s got a point Zeus

Thunderbringer: shut up hera no one asked for your opinion anyway

ApolLester: see?

Thunderbringer: i see nothing

 

LiteralGoddess<3 joined the chat: “The Olympians”

TheMessenger! joined the chat: “The Olympians”

Hephaestus joined the chat: “The Olympians”

 

ApolLester: omg hiiii

LiteralGoddess<3: hephaestus why is your username just your name?

Hephaestus: Because I hate social media. Goodbye.

 

Hephaestus left the chat

 

TheMessenger!: Hiii

ApolLester: Hermes i have something to tell you

The Messenger!: What???

ApolLester: hang on i gotta wait for everyone to long in

 

LiteralGod>:) joined the chat: “The Olympians”

GodOfMadness joined the chat: “The Olympians”

 

AroAceArtemis: Ares and Dionysus?

LiteralGod>:): yes

GodOfMadness: yes why am I here

ApolLester: because we invited you and you joined

LiteralGoddess<3: hi sweetie

LiteralGod>:): hey darling

AroAceArtemis: You guys are disgusting

TheMessenger!: What is it you wanted to tell me apollo?

ApolLester: oh yeah

ApolLester: you’re my favorite brother <3

TheMessenger!: Awww

LiteralGod>:): hey!

GodOfMadness: thats it Im leaving

ApolLester: ily too don’t worry diony and ares

GodOfMadness: did you

GodOfMadness: just call me

GodOfMadness: DIONY

ApolLester: yes ;)

Thunderbringer: apollo stop

ApolLester: YOU DON’T EVEN LIKE DIONYSUS WHY ARE YOU TARGETING ME?

Thunderbringer: because i still like him better than you

Thunderbringer: anyway if you dont stop im turning you into a mortal again

ApolLester: too bad for you, that’s not even the worst punishment for me

Thunderbringer: fuck

ItsMyHusbandsFault: LANGUAGE

 

EternalWisdom joined the chat: “The Olympians”

 

ApolLester: yeah watch your fucking language dad

EternalWisdom: …What is going on?

Hermes: I really dont know, everyone just started cussing

GodOfMadness: fuck everyone i hate you all

ApolLester: lol same honestly

ApolLester: except Artemis and Hermes

ApolLester: and Athena and Ares and Aphrodite i guess

ApolLester: maybe Hephaestus too

ApolLester: and Dionysus ofc

ApolLester: and Hera i suppose

AroAceArtemis: So you pretty much don’t hate everyone but Zeus?

ApolLester: yeah pretty much

ApolLester: oh and me. i hate me too <3

AroAceArtemis: Uh that’s concerning

LiteralGod>:): well at least we agree on something, apollo

ApolLester: hating me?

LiteralGod>:): yeah

ApolLester: ;-;

LiteralGoddess<3: sooooo hows everyones day been ;)

LiteralGod>:): it's been good

LiteralGoddess<3: i appreciate the support ares but i already know how your day went. i was there

ApolLester: zeus is being his normal abusive self

LiteralGoddess<3: that doesnt have anything to do with you though

ApolLester: lol are you crazy? yes it does

AroAceArtemis: He’s right it does

ApolLester: i’m the main target </3

Thunderbringer: this is lies and slander and i will not tolerate you children from ruining my good reputation

ItsMyHusbandsFault: Literally what good reputation do you have?

Thunderbringer: im a god!

ItsMyHusbandsFault: That does surprisingly little for reputation

EternalWisdom: Yes, according to surveys with mortals, being a god does not affect whether you have a good reputation, Father

Thunderbringer: athena you too?

Thunderbringer: everyone is being MANIPULATED by apollos LIES because hes BITTER about being turned mortal ;-;

ApolLester: that was actually the nicest thing you ever did to me

TheMessenger!: Guys could we stop fighting?

LiteralGod>:): No >:D

EternalWisdom: I don’t like admitting it, but I agree with Ares. Fighting online is amusing, and is not as destructive as actual fighting. However, being online can have negative effects on overall mood and therefore productivity and community, so I would suggest having a limited amount on time on social media

ApolLester: i think i just got a headache, but i did manage to absorb that

ApolLester: and i agree :)

EternalWisdom: Odd, I did not expect you to actually manage to read more than two sentences, Apollo

ApolLester: ouch rude

ApolLester: god of knowledge, education, and reason here

ApolLester: oh and of light, the sun, the arts, and the protector of youth

GodOfMadness: shut up

ApolLester: and of pansexuality ;)

LiteralGoddess<3: *high fives apollo*

ApolLester: omg ty

AroAceArtemis: I respect your identities but please don’t talk about romance right now. I’m having a bad day

LiteralGoddess<3: so today i was prayed to by one of my children to help them with their girlfriend

AroAceArtemis: I hate you

LiteralGoddess<3: i hate you too dear

LiteralGoddess<3: anyway they got into a fight with their girlfriend the other day and were really upset about it

ApolLester: what’s their name?

LiteralGoddess<3: their name is

ApolLester: you do know their name right?

LiteralGoddess<3: OFC I DO

LiteralGoddess<3: their name is kai

ApolLester: okay good i was worried

ApolLester: wait i know Kai

ApolLester: they’re dating Kayla

TheMessenger!: TWO K NAMES DATING EACH OTHER???

ApolLester: omg wait i need to talk to Kayla. i didn’t know about this

 

ApolLester left the chat

 

LiteralGoddess<3: anyway

LiteralGoddess<3: they were really upset and thought kayla was going to break up with them

GodOfMadness: this is boring

LiteralGod>:): if you don’t like it then why are you here?

GodOfMadness: idk how to log off

LiteralGoddess<3: and then

TheMessenger!: Just click the red “EXIT” button?

GodOfMadness: its not there

LiteralGoddess<3: omg guys im trying to tell yall something

 

PercysDad joined the chat: “The Olympians”

LordOfDeath joined the chat: “The Olympians”

Spring&DeathQueen: joined the chat: “The Olympians”

HarvestMom joined the chat: “The Olympians”

 

TheMessenger!: Oh hi!!!

Thunderbringer: why did almost all my siblings suddenly join

 

HearthAndHome joined the chat: “The Olympians”

 

Thunderbringer: *all my siblings

HearthAndHome: hello, everyone!

PercysDad: hiii

LordOfDeath: Hello. I hate you, Zeus

Thunderbringer: THIS IS AN UNPRECEDENTED ATTACK. KILL HIM.

LordOfDeath: You can’t kill the god of death, Zeus

HarvestMom: PERSEPHONE

Spring&DeathQueen: hello Mother

HarvestMom: IT’S PAST YOUR CURFEW

Spring&DeathQueen: …I dont have a curfew?

LiteralGoddess<3: its nice to see you guys but i was trying to tell a story

GodOfMadness: how do i leave

GodOfMadness: the exit button isnt there

TheMessenger!: Force-close the app

GodOfMadness: i cant

TheMessenger!: Why not?

GodOfMadness: it wont let me

TheMessenger!: Wdym?

GodOfMadness: uh it just wont

TheMessenger!: Wait

TheMessenger!: Do you even want to leave?

GodOfMadness: yes

TheMessenger: Or are you just making excuses for staying?

GodOfMadness: ABSOLUTELY NOT

LiteralGoddess<3: GUYS

LiteralGoddess<3: I AM TRYING

LiteralGoddess<3: TO TELL YOU 

LiteralGoddess<3: A STORY

LiteralGod>:): don’t worry babe I’M listening to you

AroAceArtemis: *Gags*

LiteralGoddess<3: ty but youve already heard this story dearie

AroAceArtemis: *Vomits*

LiteralGod>:): i never get tired of your stories, no matter how much you tell them

AroAceArtemis: CAN YOU STOP?!

TheMessenger!: Okay sorry aphrodite I’m listening

GodOfMadness: ive already heard the argument between the kids and i honestly dont care

HearthAndHome: i’m listening :) 

Thunderbringer: aphrodite why are you getting involved in your kids love lives

Thunderbringer: your not supposed to help them

ItsMyHusbandsFault: You’re supposed to ruin them?

Thunderbringer: exactly

LordOfDeath: I could not care less about any of this. I hate romance

Spring&DeathQueen: Hades you cant lie to me i know how obsessed you are with Nicos love life

LordOfDeath: I AM NOT

HarvestMom: ROMANCE IS FOR THE WEAK. YOU DON’T NEED A PARTNER TO CREATE CHILDREN. I CAN GROW THEM EASILY

ItsMyHusbandsFault: THAT’S NOT THE POINT OF ROMANCE DEMETER

PercysDad: MY SON’S LOVE LIFE IS MORE INTERESTING THAN YOUR SON’S LOVE LIFE HADES

LordOfDeath: THAT’S HOMOPHOBIC, POSEIDON!

TheMessenger!: EVERYONE STOP YELLING!

LiteralGod>:): NO

GodOfMadness: YOU STOP YELLING HERMES

LiteralGoddess<3: ANYWAY

 

ApolLester joined the chat: “The Olympians”

 

ApolLester: okay so i talked to Kayla

ApolLester: omg i left for five minutes and now everyone’s screaming

LiteralGoddess<3: omg apollo please help me

LiteralGoddess<3: no one wants to hear about my story

LiteralGod>:): i do

TheMessenger!: I do!

HearthAndHome: i do!

ApolLester: oof

LiteralGoddess<3: tyyy

ApolLester: okay so what did you tell Kai?

ApolLester: i mean it must have worked because Kayla said that they were good

LiteralGoddess<3: okay so i said that communication is key and that it was also important to take a step back and think on the conversation from the other point of view. maybe even if you think you were doing the right thing it might not always seem that way

ApolLester: ohhh thats good advice

ItsMyHusbandsFault: Yes isn’t that good advice Zeus?

Thunderbringer: yeah hera you should follow aphrodites advice

Thunderbringer: i dont need to do that cuz im always right

ItsMyHusbandsFault: …

ItsMyHusbandsFault: That’s it I’m done

 

ItsMyHusbandsFault left the chat

 

GodOfMadness: guys

GodOfMadness: i still cant leave

EternalWisdom: Perhaps you could try, say, putting down your phone, if you hate this group chat so much?

LiteralGoddess<3: guys i have a question

ApolLester: yeah?

LiteralGoddess<3: what color lipstick should i wear

LiteralGod>:): red. its bold and you look great in it

HomeAndHearth: i like red too, but don’t feel pressured to wear any color or any makeup at all! wear it only if you want to :) 

AroAceArtemis: Silver sparkles or black

LordOfDeath: I approve of that look

ApolLester: pride flag. any of them

TheMessenger!: Omg yesss

LiteralGoddess<3: wait yall got good ideas

Thunderbringer: makeup is frivolous and stupid looking. dont wear any

ApolLester: of course Zeus hates makeup too. it’s a form of self-expression

LiteralGoddess<3: and yet he didnt mind when beryl grace wore layers of makeup. i rather think hes biased

AroAceArtemis: Yeah

Thunderbringer: SHUT UP

ApolLester: now guys, the real question is:

ApolLester: how would Zeus react to Ganymede wearing makeup?

PercysDad: HA, GAY!

LordOfDeath: POSEIDON I SWEAR

PercysDad: IT’S A REFERENCE TO A SHOW HADES

Thunderbringer: i dont condone this question

AroAceArtemis: Normally I wouldn’t either but it’s kind of entertaining ngl 

TheMessenger!: Ohhh interesting

LiteralGoddess<3: ive been wondering that too!

LiteralGod>:): that is a good question

HarvestMom: UNIMPORTANT. THE REAL QUESTION IS IF PERSEPHONE IS GETTING HER GRAINS DOWN IN THE UNDERWORLD

Spring&DeathQueen: MOTHER

ApolLester: on one hand, it’s a man wearing makeup and we all know Zeus is rather old-fashioned and uncreative in his ideas of gender roles

ApolLester: on the other hand, it’s Ganymede, and he’d probably look hotter all made up

Thunderbringer: apollo your a bad son

EternalWisdom: Yes, that is a fascinating dilemma. Father’s attraction to Ganymede would serve as a source of conflict that clashes with his generally sexist views. It makes me wonder what would come out on top: Zeus’s out-dated views on makeup, or his more modern taste in lovers?

Thunderbringer: thats it i will not listen to you children mock me relentlessly for no reason

ApolLester: not really for no reason

 

Thunderbringer left the chat

 

ApolLester: phew

AroAceArtemis: Phew

TheMessenger: Phew

LiteralGod>:): phew

PercysDad: phew

GodOfMadness: phew

HarvestMom: PHEW

LordOfDeath: Phew

Spring&DeathQueen: phew

HearthAndHome: phew

LiteralGoddess<3: phew

EternalWisdom: Phew

LiteralGod>:): athena what do you have to say “phew” about? you’re dad’s favorite

EternalWisdom: That doesn’t mean I like him

ApolLester: she’s got a point ares

ApolLester: we need to start a chat where Zeus isn’t invited

TheMessenger!: Why was he invited to this one in the first place?

ApolLester: because he created this one

TheMessenger!: Oh yeah

LiteralGod>:): we need a world where zeus isn’t in charge

AroAceArtemis: …

GodOfMadness: …

LiteralGoddess<3: …

ApolLester: …

LiteralGod>:): …of the group chat

ApolLester: actually yeah i agree

AroAceArtemis: Same

PercysDad: vanquish the tyrant!

LordOfDeath: Of the group chat?

PercysDad: yeah. of the group chat

HarvestMom: AGREED

TheMessenger!: Agreed

LiteralGoddess<3: agreed

Spring&DeathQueen: agreed

GodOfMadness: agreed

EternalWisdom: Agreed

HomeAndHearth: agreed

ApolLester: yeah. freedom from Zeus. in the group chat

AroAceArtemis: Yep

TheMessenger!: I gtg now. See y’all later!

AroAceArtemis: Yeah bye

ApolLester: bye Hermes!

 

TheMessenger! left the chat

ApolLester left the chat

HarvestMom left the chat

Spring&DeathQueen left the chat

LordOfDeath left the chat

PercysDad left the chat

GodOfMadness left the chat

 

EternalWisdom: Oh, so now you can leave the chat?

 

EternalWisdom left the chat

 

LiteralGoddess<3: see you later sweetie <3

LiteralGod>:): <333

AroAceArtemis: *Sighs*

 

AroAceArtemis left the chat

LiteralGod>:) left the chat

LiteralGoddess<3 left the chat

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