Actions

Work Header

Rating:
Archive Warning:
Category:
Fandom:
Relationships:
Characters:
Additional Tags:
Language:
English
Stats:
Published:
2025-05-09
Updated:
2025-05-17
Words:
1,621
Chapters:
6/?
Comments:
26
Kudos:
64
Bookmarks:
2
Hits:
620

Scientific Dog Tags

Summary:

A group chat fic of UNIT personal discussing what is and isn't their Commander and Colonel's relationship.

(Dust & Tea server is why this exists)

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

Scientific Dog Tags

NoblestOfRoses Avatar

NoblestOfRoses Today at 14:02

Saw Kate and Ibrahim at a coffee shop this afternoon looking very cozy.

👀 3

Boygenius Avatar

Boygenius Today at 14:03

Isn't she supposed to be in Geneva?

Hotmetal Avatar

Hotmetal Today at 14:04

No. There is no record of the Commander having a meeting in Geneva.

Donnakebab Avatar

Donnakebab Today at 14:04

They are having a dirty weekend.

NoblestOfRoses Avatar

NoblestOfRoses Today at 14:05

Mum that's gross.

Melanie Avatar

Melanie♡Carrots Today at 14:06

He's supposed to be in Germany. His sister in law is having a baby.

Shirley Avatar

ScientificShirley Today at 14:06

You should all be working… but yeah it's obvious they are going at it like rabbits on crack.

Boygenius Avatar

Boygenius Today at 14:07

There is a child present. Me.

😭 1

Hotmetal Avatar

Hotmetal Today at 14:07

I just checked the Commander's and Colonel's location. They are at the Commander's house.

Donnakebab Avatar

Donnakebab Today at 14:08

Out of respect for the child here I am not going to say what I am thinking.

Chapter 2

Chapter Text

Scientific Dog Tags

Donnakebab Avatar

Donnakebab [09:13]

Are we just going to spend the entire day pretending Kate isn't wearing Christofer’s shirt??

RainbowsAndTimelords has joined the chat [09:14]

RainbowsAndTimelords Avatar

RainbowsAndTimelords [09:14]

Donna why did you force me to join here?

NoblestOfRoses Avatar

NoblestOfRoses [09:15]

Because she's gossiping about Kate and Ibrahim.

Boygenius Avatar

Boygenius [09:16]

Doctor Hi!! And yes, Kate was definitely wearing the Commander's shirt.

RainbowsAndTimelords Avatar

RainbowsAndTimelords [09:16]

Hi Morris.

Kate is like a niece to me. If she is with Ibrahim and he hurts her I will erase his existence from time itself.

Hotmetal Avatar

Hotmetal [09:17]

She's been wearing his dog tags for months. I would assume the next step in human relationships would be for her to wear his shirt.

Donnakebab Avatar

Donnakebab [09:17]

SHE'S WHAT NOW??

NoblestOfRoses Avatar

NoblestOfRoses [09:18]

Mum calm down. The Commander just looked over here and if she sees these messages we are so cooked.

Hotmetal Avatar

Hotmetal [09:18]

Yes whenever she is nervous she begins fiddling with them for reassurance. The fact none of you have noticed is probably how we get infiltrated every month.

Melanie Avatar

Melanie♡Carrots [09:19]

Everyone hush I just lip read Christofer saying “You're wearing my shirt to Kate” and other stuff I won't repeat because of a child present. Donna, come over here I will whisper to you.

Shirley Avatar

ScientificShirley [09:19]

Yeah I can also lip read ew I am cleaning this place top to bottom with bleach.

Boygenius Avatar

Boygenius [09:20]

😭

RainbowsAndTimelords Avatar

RainbowsAndTimelords [09:20]

😭😭

Shirley Avatar

ScientificShirley [09:21]

I love that Kate has a personal life now but this is where we all work. Donna, Donna throw everything on your desk. Burn it. Don't ask why, just do it.

Chapter 3

Chapter Text

Scientific Dog Tags

Boygenius Avatar

Boygenius [09:22]

What does it mean when a woman giggles at a joke that really isn't funny?

Donnakebab Avatar

Donnakebab [09:22]

Nervous giggle, she's scared. Genuine giggle because she likes that person. Why kiddo?

Boygenius Avatar

Boygenius [09:23]

The Colonel just told the most unfunny joke and the Commander giggled. I don't mean she laughed. I mean dull and giggled.

Donnakebab Avatar

Donnakebab [09:23]

She wants him badly.

RainbowsAndTimelords Avatar

RainbowsAndTimelords [09:24]

I used to drive her to Ballet and now she's dating a guy named Christofer. Time, time passes so quickly. Well I say dating, I mean technically I married them they just don't know it.

Donnakebab Avatar

Donnakebab [09:24]

You did what now?

RainbowsAndTimelords Avatar

RainbowsAndTimelords [09:24]

Married them. Gallifrey style. It was beautiful and I regret nothing.

Boygenius Avatar

Boygenius [09:25]

The Commander is going to kill you when she finds out. Being a Timelord won't save you.

Donnakebab Avatar

Donnakebab [09:25]

We are going to have to move to Mars. The only way to keep you safe, Doctor.

NoblestOfRoses Avatar

NoblestOfRoses [09:26]

I'm not moving to Mars mum.

Melanie Avatar

Melanie♡Carrots [09:26]

Well I think I should take a holiday. I don't want to be here when Kate finds out.

Shirley Avatar

ScientificShirley [09:27]

Please let me tell her. I'll put you all in my will if you let me tell her.

Hotmetal Avatar

Hotmetal [09:27]

I require nothing you could leave me in your will, however the Commander scares even me when in a mood so I approve allowing you to tell her.

RainbowsAndTimelords Avatar

RainbowsAndTimelords [09:28]

It was the Brigadier’s dream that his daughter find the same level of happiness he did in his second marriage.

Chapter 4

Chapter Text

Scientific Dog Tags

Jotakenforgranted has joined the chat [15:14]

Jo Grant Avatar

Jotakenforgranted [15:14]

Hello Darlings, Thank you for inviting me.

Wave Emoji

Boygenius [15:14]

Wave Emoji

14th Doctor Avatar

RainbowsAndTimelords [15:14]

Jo!!!

Jo Grant Avatar

Jotakenforgranted [15:14]

Doctor!!

Donnakebab Avatar

Donnakebab [15:14]

Just heard Christofer call Kate, Katherine in the softest tone.

Jo Grant Avatar

Jotakenforgranted [15:15]

When they have dinner with me he usually calls her my love. It's very sweet.

Donnakebab Avatar

Donnakebab [15:15]

Wait, they are open about their relationship with you?

Jo Grant Avatar

Jotakenforgranted [15:15]

They aren't. He says it in Arabic. Neither one is aware I understand what they are saying when they switch to Arabic. This is why I only ever reveal the European languages I speak. I'm rambling.

Shirley Avatar

ScientificShirley [15:15]

First hi Jo, I hope you can still make this Thursday's poker game. Secondly everyone is going to need to encrypt this better because Kate saw a glitch in the system. Now she's making Vlinx go through all communication... Don't worry he won't snitch. I threatened to blow him up if he did.

Melanie Avatar

Melanie♡Carrots [15:16]

Don't mean to the Vlinx. He's nice enough.

Boygenius Avatar

Boygenius [15:16]

If the Commander finds out about this place I am pulling the minor card and selling you all out.

NoblestOfRoses Avatar

NoblestOfRoses [15:16]

Bro….you do that I'm revealing your internet history.

Jo Grant Avatar

Jotakenforgranted [15:17]

Play nice. Kate is a Sweetheart. Just like her dad. Even if she did find out about this place she wouldn't care.

Donnakebab Avatar

Donnakebab [15:17]

To you. I saw her dangle an alien off a roof once. And I knew then to fear her.

14th Doctor Avatar

RainbowsAndTimelords [15:17]

That alien was me. She didn't appreciate me building jelly Cybermen to fight because I was bored.

Chapter 5

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Scientific Dog Tags

EyepatchedLizard has joined the chat [15:32]

Ruth Avatar

NoblestOfRoses [15:32]

Shirley are you drinking alcohol…in plain sight…at your desk.

Shirley Avatar

ScientificShirley [15:33]

I've been traumatised okay. I went to find Kate and Christofer, they were in the gym. Don't get me wrong I love their love but time and place for these things. Going at it like rats in an orgy is not appropriate in a gym we all use.

Melanie Avatar

Melanie♡Carrots [15:33]

I did tell you to avoid the gym. It's Wednesday. You know they um work out together in the gym on a Wednesday.

Ruth Avatar

NoblestOfRoses [15:33]

This is an awful day to be able to read.

EyepatchedLizard has joined the chat [15:34]

Jo Grant Avatar

Jotakenforgranted [15:34]

Liz darling glad you can join us.

Liz Shaw Avatar

EyepatchedLizard [15:34]

I don't see why I needed to be here.

Jo Grant Avatar

Jotakenforgranted [15:34]

To keep up to date on Kate and Christofer of course. You know what Kate's like; she refuses to tell us anything.

Liz Shaw Avatar

EyepatchedLizard [15:35]

All we've learnt thus far is she and Christofer work out in the gym every Wednesday. Which is funny because me and her dad used to do the same thing. She really is her father’s daughter.

14th Doctor Avatar

RainbowsAndTimelords [15:35]

Oh so that's what you and the Brigadier were doing on Wednesdays and wouldn't let me tag along... all makes sense now. Wait, is this why Donna and Shaun have alone time on Fridays????

Ruth Avatar

NoblestOfRoses [15:35]

Once again I wish I couldn't read.

Boygenius Avatar

Boygenius [15:36]

Um, I accidentally blew the Vlinx head off. Can someone get the Commander and Colonel? I am just a child. I don't need to be walking in whatever freaky things they are doing.

Liz Shaw Avatar

EyepatchedLizard [15:36]

Just turn on the sprinklers in the Gym. That's what Mike Yates used to do when he wanted mine and The Brigadier's attention.

Notes:

For anyone that wishes to join the Dust & Tea server here is the link: Dust & Tea

Chapter 6

Chapter Text

Shirley Avatar

ScientificShirley [17:05]

It's driving me up the wall trying to figure out what Kate means when she says 143 to Christofer.

Hotmetal Avatar

Hotmetal [17:06]

I've run everything that I can think of to crack this but nothing.

Doctor Avatar

RainbowsAndTimelords [17:07]

The only thing to do now is to add the best code cracker I know here. I'm sorry 😞

Missymayhem has joined the chat [17:08]

Doctor Avatar

RainbowsAndTimelords [17:09]

Hi bestie/worstie help us figure out what 143 means

Missy Avatar

Missymayhem [17:10]

143 means I love you. Everyone knows this.

Shirley Avatar

ScientificShirley [17:11]

First off how do you know and secondly Doctor…you can not be adding Missy here.

Missy Avatar

Missymayhem [17:12]

Her dad used to say it to her when she was small. I know this because I was going to delete her existence as a child but then I got roped into babysitting her. She bit me and I was like respect you little psycho, I'm going to let you live.

NoblestOfRoses Avatar

NoblestOfRoses [17:12]

Beginning to understand why The Commander has issues.

Donnakebab Avatar

Donnakebab [17:13]

Getting back to the important thing here Kate loves Christofer…

Melanie Avatar

Melanie♡Carrots [17:14]

We all knew this though.

Donnakebab Avatar

Donnakebab [17:15]

Yeah but!!! We didn't know that she was saying to him. Like that's a big step.

Liz Shaw Avatar

EyepatchedLizard [17:15]

Wait, were you the weird woman I left Kate with and you took her to kill Ducks?????

Missy Avatar

Missymayhem [17:16]

I did yeah. It was a fun day. Then we blew up the moon.

Jo Grant Avatar

Jotakenforgranted [17:16]

Why are we being nice to the Master because she's a woman now?? 😭😭

Doctor Avatar

RainbowsAndTimelords [17:17]

She's my bestie and worstie

Boygenius Avatar

Boygenius [17:17]

SOS The Commander just called the Colonel “Darling”. She doesn't know that I heard but I did.

Missy Avatar

Missymayhem [17:18]

We should blow up UNIT!!!