Work Text:
Owen woke up on Matt's floor. He could hear a quiet sound coming from the desk. It was the sound of the club scene of their movie, being played on repeat. The one where Matt played that girl. He opened his eyes blearily. Matt was sitting there, at his desk, wearing his big coat. Watching it.
Owen couldn't see his face, nor make out his body language, but it felt like he had walked in on something he wasn't supposed to see.
He looked over and noticed that Jared was filming from the other side of the room. They made eye contact and Owen gave him a questioning look. Jared only shrugged. Did Matt know he was being filmed? Jared's presence made Owen feel uneasy. He didn't like being constantly surveilled.
"Hey, Matt?" He said quietly.
Matt exited out of the program and turned around sharply. For a brief moment he looked mortified, looking at Owen and then at Jared, who had lowered his camera. Then, Matt smiled.
"What?" He asked.
Owen groaned and sat up.
"What are you doing?" He asked.
"I'm just-" Matt began. He struggled to find an answer- "I'm just rewatching our movie, man."
There was an uncomfortable pause.
"Are you still upset about-"
"No." Matt said quickly. He smiled, bitterly.
"Ok." Owen said.
He glanced between Jared and Matt, again. He rubbed his eyes and yawned.
"Ok." He said again.
He lied back down, rolled over, and tried to fall back asleep.
Owen had known Matt was gay for a while. At least, he had known that Matt was into him. There probably wasn't anybody who didn't know, by now. Matt tried so hard to deny it and hide it, but it was so obvious. Owen wasn't bothered by it, but what did bother him was the fact that Matt couldn't even admit it to him. They were best friends, but there was this barrier between them created by the fact that Matt was feeling something he dared not acknowledge.
Lying on Matt's floor that night, Owen began to put together that whatever was going on with Matt might have been more complicated than he previously thought.
Owen waited for a time when the two of them were alone, without Jared, to bring it up.
Owen was sitting on the couch in Matt's basement, and Matt was pacing in front of him, explaining something to him, and Owen could barely listen because he was trying to find a way to say what he was thinking that wouldn't make Matt freak out. He looked at Matt's face, and felt so fond of him. He didn't want to start a fight. He didn't want to fuck this up. But he couldn't stand avoiding it.
"Matt?" He began.
Matt paused his ranting and looked at him, smiling with his mouth open. Owen felt a sudden wave of anxiety, but continued anyway.
"Do you want to be a girl?" Owen asked.
Matt's face fell and his eyes went wide and for a brief moment he looked completely, utterly terrified. Owen watched as it morphed into a forced-casual sort of amusement.
"No." Matt laughed, "Why would I want to be a girl? Girls are stupid, man."
"No, they're not." Owen said, very seriously.
Matt stared at him.
"I'm not a freak." Matt said meanly, still smiling.
"I never said you were." Owen replied, "I know something's going on with you, and I just want to know what it is. I don't think you're a freak."
"Well, you did a fucking terrible job of guessing what it is, because I'm not some tranny faggot." Matt said, visibly agitated.
"Why are you doing this?" Owen asked, a little taken aback by how mean Matt was being about it.
"What?"
"Trying to act all tough! Who are you doing this for? It's just me, Matt." Owen said, growing frusterated. "Matt, I know that you like me. So if you aren't a tranny, you'd still be a faggot."
"Don't say that! You're bullying me! That's what you're doing right now!" Matt said defensively.
"No, I'm trying to talk to you! I'm just using the words you used!" Owen said. "I don't think it's bad! I just want you to talk to me!"
Matt stared at him.
"If you don't wanna talk about it right now, then just say that instead of trying to brush me off by acting like a dick!" Owen added.
Matt glared down at the floor.
"You're the one who said I'd always be a man." Matt said bitterly.
"What?"
"You said it! That if I was the last woman on earth, I'd still be a man!" Matt said.
Owen grimaced. He hadn't thought about that. He'd really fucked up, hadn't he?
"I- I thought you were making a joke." Owen said, "Or that you were flirting with me and being weird and coy about it. I didn't think that you actually wanted to be a girl."
"So why do you think that I want to now?" Matt asked.
"The other night, when Jared and I saw you- I dunno, something just clicked. It just made sense all of a sudden." Owen said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."
Matt looked away. Owen stood up and moved closer to him, and when Matt didn't push him away, Owen pulled him into a hug.
"I'm sorry, Matt." Owen said.
"Whatever. It doesn't matter." Matt mumbled, pushing his face into Owen's neck like he was trying to hide. "I'd be a really fucking ugly girl anyway."
"No you wouldn't." Owen said.
"You don't mean it."
"I do." Owen said, realizing that he really did mean it.
He rubbed Matt's back soothingly and tried to imagine it. Matt, as a girl. The idea didn't seem bad at all. Matt pulled away.
"Wait here." He said.
He walked toward his walk-closet and went inside, closing the door behind him.
Owen sat back down on the couch and stared at the floor, hoping that he hadn't just ruined their friendship and feeling bad for having missed the signs before and trying to recalibrate his brain to fully incorporate all this into how he thought about Matt. Was he supposed to start thinking of Matt as a girl now, or wait until after... After what? Was Matt going to get a surgery? How did these things work anyway? How would they work for Matt, specifically?
After a few minutes, Matt came back out again, wearing the same dress and bra as before. She (?) searched Owen's face for a reaction.
It felt different than seeing Matt wear the dress for their movie. This felt so much more vulnerable. Owen gave her a reassuring smile.
She walked over to the couch and sat down next to him.
"You look great." Owen said. Matt only shrugged in response.
"If anyone else finds out about this, I'm going to die." Matt said.
"No, you won't."
"Yes, I will. I'll get killed. I'll get beaten to death." Matt said, smiling grimly.
"I won't let that happen."
Matt relaxed a little, and Owen smiled back at her. She threw an arm around Owen's shoulder and leaned closer to him. They sat in silence for a minute, before Matt started to get antsy again and broke it.
"Hey Owen?" Matt asked, smiling mischievously and looking Owen directly in the face.
"What?"
"You're never kissed a girl before."
"Yes. I've ever kissed anyone before."
"Would you want to practice now, so you'll actually be good if you get Chrissy?" Matt laughed.
Owen laughed too, but he felt a little awkward.
"Matt, if I kissed you I wouldn't want it to just be practice. You're worth more than that." Owen said.
"So, do you want to kiss me for real, then?" Matt asked, smiling.
Owen thought about it. He liked Chrissy, a lot. But he liked Matt a lot too. Mostly as a friend, but it wasn't like he had never felt more. He didn't like to think about it, but sometimes he got butterflies in his stomach when he looked at Matt, just like he did looking at Chrissy. The difference was that he and Matt were already close, already comfortable with each other. And Matt really did look pretty. Awkward, nervous, trying a little too hard to pretend not to be either of those things, but pretty.
"Yes." Owen said seriously.
"Really?" Matt asked, shocked. Apparently she hadn't expected to get that far.
"Yeah." Owen said.
"You're not just making fun of me?"
"No. I'm not making fun of you."
Matt stared at him.
"Oh." Matt's eyes flicked down to Owen's lips.
Matt's arm was around Owen's shoulder. Their sides were pressing together, their faces mere inches apart. Owen felt nervous and giddy with anticipation. Matt leaned in awkwardly, seeming unsure and anxious. She scrunched her eyes tightly shut. Owen tilted his head, shut his eyes, and closed the gap between them.
He could feel Matt smile. The feeling of someone else's lips on his, let alone Matt's, was new, and neither of them quite knew what they were doing, but it was pleasant nonetheless. Matt's lips were soft on his, and he could feel a little puff of air from her nose as she exhaled, pressing closer and relaxing against him. Owen reached up to put a hand on the side of her face, and rested the other on her waist.
He felt warm inside, and his stomach was doing flips. Just a minute ago the two of them were arguing, and now they were having their first kiss together. It felt surreal.
After a brief moment, they pulled apart. Matt grinned at Owen, and Owen smiled back.
"Do you think I could wear this to the shooting?" Matt asked.
"What?"
"Y'know, for the movie. The Dirties 2. Do you think I could wear this dress during the school shooting?" Matt said, giggling.
"Sure." Owen said, chuckling. Even now, Matt had to find some way to make into a little joke, to make everything less real, less vulnerable. It bothered Owen, but he got it. This was a lot.
"Can I sleep over again tonight?" Owen asked.
"Yeah, sure." Matt said, before leaning in for a second kiss.