Chapter Text
“Never have I ever been together with the same gender?” Ava her voice rang through the living room. She had put her finger down already and waited for the others to follow or not.
It was a Friday night, which meant it was game night. Bob had suggested they do something like that since he never got the chance to experience it when he was younger. Neither had Ava— Yelena had only recalled doing it once, and Bucky said that it wasn’t a thing in the 30s. Alexei said he also doesn’t remember doing it in his childhood. But he grew up in communist Russia. John was the only one who had regular game nights, it’s not like he enjoyed them, but whatever.
Tonight, they were playing a game called Never Have I Ever. John thought it was a stupid game. Everyone just held up fingers, and you would put one down if you did said thing. How is that even a fun game? He would much rather just go to bed right now. He wasn’t a teenage girl. How did this classify as entertainment?
Even though he hated it, he still played along. He already had four fingers down, but the questions were mostly just stupid things that were targeted.
John shallowed a bit when he heard the question Ava asked. Her finger was already down— and so was… Bucky’s? Sure, he had gotten vibes, but it still made him feel weird.
“Define together?” Yelena took a sip of her drink. She didn’t do relationships. Ava laughed, “Okay, like if you have everything done, something romantic with the same gender?” His stomach turned again, he probably looked very pale.
Yelena shrugged and put her finger down slowly. That left Alexei, which was pretty logical, and him. He looked at Bob, who had also put his finger down after Ava explained what she meant by her question.
Bob, with his finger down, slightly smiled at the look Bucky gave him, and he mouthed a ‘wow’ at him. Nobody expected him to have done that.
John felt a slight shiver go down his spine when he looked at Bob. He shifted in his seat when he felt John’s burning eyes on him. He wanted to say something, ask him— what has he done? A million questions ran through his head. But his thought process was cut off.
“Walker? No finger down? I didn’t expect that,” Bucky winked. John felt his stomach twist even more. His heart felt heavy; he felt it in his throat. He looked at Bucky with a judgmental expression. John looked somewhat hurt and disgusted by what Bucky just said.
John opened his mouth to speak but before he could he was cut off, “Yeah, don’t cadet’s fuck each other?” Ava smirked. Bucky laughed at her joke, he was also in the military— he couldn’t deny it.
“No… what the fuck?” John’s mouth felt like sandpaper— it was so dry. The assumption of his being homosexual made him feel so uncomfortable and disgusted. He was straight— he has a child, for god’s sake. Not to mention, he was married to a woman for years. He— he wasn’t a homosexual.
Yelena started flat out laughing at him. “You can’t be serious, Walker. Is your ego hurt by her assumption?” She made fun of him. It wasn’t odd for Yelena to poke fun at him. John usually didn’t care— it was whatever. But right now, he felt his teeth grinding against each other. “You take everything too personally,” she continued.
“Don’t you suck off your General too?” Ava grinned, doing the military salute and quoting ‘Yes, Sir.’ Normally, John wouldn’t care if Ava was making fun of him. For the same reason as Yelena, he was used to Ava mocking everything in the justice system.
John’s anger reached an all-time high. “I’m not a fucking homosexual!” He got up and slammed the chair against the table as he bolted off. The slam left a dent in the chair. He was surprised he didn’t break it.
The laughs at the table fell completely silent. Everyone’s eyes were glued on the disappearing figure. They knew they were capable of making John a little angry, it was their main source of entertainment at times. But they had never seen him be so affected by something so little. It was just a little joke— he was definitely overreacting. Honestly, they hadn’t seen him so angry, ever.
An unspoken rule in this group was not to follow John whenever he had his little temper tantrum. Everyone knew about it, but nobody ever spoke of it.
Bob hated this rule. Yes, he really didn’t like John. But if he were in a place like him, he would want help. John needed help, and Bob was willing to help, but he was always kept down and put aside by the others.
Maybe they were worried that John would hurt him. Since he had this ‘Super Soldier’ serum pumping throughout the blood in his veins. Bob wasn’t scared of that. He couldn’t be scared of him, because he wasn’t his dad. John was an asshole— but he isn’t nearly that level that his dad was.
Bob was not who he used to be, and he was determined to show it. He wanted to prove his father wrong—that he was not weak—and prove his mother wrong as well; he does not make everything worse.
He had to know why John was acting like that just now— he would take a punch if it got to that. He wouldn’t back down so easily.
He slowly got up from his chair. “Where are you going?” Yelena asked him. Obvious worry trails in her stoic voice. Everyone had their eyes glued on him now. The tension in the room was high, nobody really dared to do anything. He felt Yelena grip his wrist. He slightly jolted at her cold hands.
“Just… going to my room, do I need permission for that as well now? Bob scoffed at the protectiveness that Yelena showed. He was trying to get out of her painful grip. But she only twisted his wrist more.
Yelena gave him a look, but ultimately shook her head. “You know the rule,” she said under her breath, so that only he could hear. She let go, and Bob walked off. His wrist was still feeling her lingering touch. It was a little reddish.
Yes, he obviously knew the rule. That doesn’t mean he was going to follow it. Instead of taking a right in the hallway, he took a left. That was the side John’s room was on.
Bob carefully walked up the his door, he knocked on it twice. After getting no reaction, he pressed his ear against the door. He held his breath— but he didn’t hear any sound coming from inside his room. That could only mean one thing. He was in the basement.
He didn’t go to the basement very often. It was a gym, he had no use there. Bob never wanted to turn into Sentry willingly, so why should he have to train his powers in the gym? John was there often, the most out of everyone, always punching the shit out of a punching bag. Bob had expressed concern about his habits, but he was always met with a, ‘Shut up, Bob.”
He could technically handle it. John was physically strong enough. But that wasn’t the problem. Bob was just concerned that expressing his anger via punching wasn’t the best way to cope. John wasn’t okay mentally, so that definitely didn’t help. It only made him act out in aggression more. Just like now. That was probably a prime example.
Bob took the elevator down to the basement level. When the doors opened, he wasn’t surprised at the sight. It was John, hunched over a broken punching bag. He could hear him panting loudly. The stuffing was scattered over the ground. This wasn’t the first punching bag he broke.
John didn’t hear the ding of the elevator, apparently, because he didn’t turn around to face Bob until he spoke. “John… dude,” Bob said carefully, not knowing what his exact state was. John was very unpredictable, just like him.
Frantically, John turned his body around— to face Bob. Poor, defenceless Bob. His fists were balled up, knuckles slightly bruised, but not bleeding. Bob doubted he could even make them bleed since he had the serum. That would take a lot of effort.
“What... the fuck are you doing here, Bobby?” John breathed heavily, a look in his eye that Bob couldn’t quite grasp. Bob kept his cool composure. Not letting John take any advantage of him. They weren’t exactly friends, maybe allies— more like housemates.
Bob frowned his brows, “Why were you acting like that?” Bob asked, recalling what happened at the table fifteen minutes ago.
“Like, what?” John hissed through his teeth. He was clearly still very angry and had a lot of pent-up emotions left in his body. John stepped a little closer to Bob. It felt like he was trying to be intimidating.
“Why are you afraid of being called gay? It wasn’t an insult, you know,” Bob looked into John’s eyes, not at all intimidated by his presence.
John scoffed and looked away, “Oh— you don’t get it, do you?” He bitterly said.
“No, I don’t,” Bob now got in his face, slightly laughing at how childish he was acting. “Are you like… secretly gay or something?”
John grabbed the hem of his shirt and pushed him into a wall. Bob arched his back to minimise the pain of hitting a concrete wall, a trick he learned was younger. He let out a huff. “That’s all you got?” Bob teased him, “You know, I think you’re acting out of shame.” Bob just kept digging.
His grip on his shirt tightened. “I grew up a Christian,” John said. “Being a gay is a sin,” he practically yelled.
”Do you believe that?” Bob asked, slightly tilting his head to the side. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you pray?” He mentioned, “Actually, you have never said anything about being religious at all.”
John bit his lip, “It just isn’t— right…” he stuttered. He felt his composure falter. “You… aren’t supposed to— like the same gender,” He struggled to get his words out. The weird feeling in his stomach returned now that he was all up in Bob’s face. His heart was speeding up, and his mouth got all dry again.
“Oh, that’s bullshit. You don’t believe that,” Bob forced his way out of his grip. He placed his hands on John’s shoulder and pushed him back.
John slightly lost his balance, before he immediately lunged back, pushing Bob into the wall harder now, keeping his arm over his chest. Making it impossible for Bob to get out.
“I’m right… Aren’t I?” Bob had a painful laugh. The look on John’s face gave it all away. He didn’t believe it. He didn’t care about his former forced on religion at all. It was just the only logical conclusion to him— he didn’t like homosexuality because of his religion, right?
John was fooling absolutely nobody. Bob saw right through him. “You have something called— internalised homophobia,” Bob spat at him, clearly getting agitated himself too. John was actually like a fucking toddler and he couldn’t stand it.
Bob braced himself to get hit, slapped, or anything. John just kept breathing heavily, his eyes darting back at the floor. “What—is that?” He managed to get out, his voice hoarse from yelling at him. John moved his arm down a bit, but was still pining Bob to the hard concrete wall of the basement.
“Means you don’t accept your sexuality,” Bob tried to meet his gaze, but John avoided it like it was a competition. “That you act out like this because you’re embarrassed about it,” He tried to get too to John. It felt like an impossible mission, he was already so brainwashed by everything around him.
John backed away, with a look on his face that Bob couldn’t make out, it looked like a mix of guilt and anger. “No… that’s, fuck you, Bob,” John walked away and out the door. Not even looking back a second time.
Bob was left leaning against the cold wall. He looked up at the lights— some were broken and some were flickering and others were fully shining. That was kind of poetic, the ones who lit fully accepted themselves. The one’s that were off didn’t accept themselves at all. It kind of fit in this situation. Bob was fully on, and John was fully off.
Despite John’s absence, he felt his lingering energy in the room. His inability to accept himself was almost aggravating, Bob did get aggravated. He had to do something about it.