Work Text:
"I wanna die"
"Want some help?" Wednesday's voice was low and glacial, her eyes held a maniac glint but...at this point, nothing could really worry or scare you.
"You're no fun" she said in her monotone voice, suddenly deflating "You should tremble, be scared, run...talk back! Not spoil all the fun!"
But all you could master was to roll your eyes at her antics and resume your highly uncomfortable position on the couch: head reclined back, eyes fixed on the ceiling.
One day, just one day and then back to what you really didn't want to call work.
It wasn't work, it was-
"Torture, Wednesday... it's torture"
"Shouldn't you be thrilled?" the girl asked tilting her head like the little, confused black cat she was.
"You tell me..." you replied, eyeing her out of the corner of your eye.
And she didn't waste time: "Working hours nonstop six days out of seven, little to no payment...and you're not even a real employee! All those hours there, all alone...all those responsibilit-"
"As I said" you interrupted "torture!"
"Yes!"
You huffed, not in the mood and never you will be, not unless you'd find a way out.
"What if I murder everyone?"
"At my "workplace" you mean? A better solution than your father's..." It was the only thought that brought a smirk to your lips "He cannot buy every damn company I've been working or I work for, really... what a singular chap your father is"
"He tries" She shrugged; then after a pregnant pause "I just need a word, you know?"
You frowned "Mh?"
"Say the word and I'll deal with the rest. No one will know where to look for the bodies"
"Oh, Wednesday, dear Wednesday " you sighed "a quick quiz: how deep would you bury a body: three or six feet under?"
The girl tilted her head, then without blinking, answered "Six" deadpan.
And at your "Wrong" her eyes narrowed menacingly.
"Three, Wednesday" and before she could interrupt you resumed quickly "it decompose faster at three than six. If someone were to look for the body, the smell would be a dead giveaway, don't you think?"
"I see. Is it because of the oxygen?"
"It's always because of the oxygen...and paralysis. And tell me: what is the fastest acting poison?"
"Cyanide!" She was sure of her answer "ten to fifteen minutes. Respiratory arrest"
"Good" you smirked "but is the fastest way the easiest and most efficient?"
"Yes!"
"Nope!" You huffed "Wednesday " and you did not see the angry stare she sent your way 'for you were once again looking at the ceiling "If someone sees you with the victim and they die so suddenly... wouldn't they think of poisoning and wouldn't they think of you as the first suspect?"
"Mmmh" She frowned "right...so, slow is better. I see"
You nodded asking "As slow as ?"
She was lost in though for a bit before uttering a glacial "Thallium"
"Very, very good. But-"
"The problem with Thallium is the hair loss"
"Exactly. Thought, even Polonium does that. Still, the conclusion iiis...?"
"Arsenic: odorless, tasteless" and this time she didn't esitate "twelve to twenty hours"
"Indeed, good old arsenic. I clearly remember the symptoms when your mothe- nevermind"
"And...if I'd like to paralyze them instead?"
You huffed, it was you the one asking questions here! However, you answered anyway "Strychnine"
"Right! Strychnos nux-vomica!" Then she ran off like lightning, you didn't even have time to shout after her to stop because: what was she thinking!? But of course, the intuition came just as a voice coming from the door behind you interrupted your thoughts.
"We have a tree in the backyard of course!"
"Of course you have one, Grandma!" You rolled your eyes as the old woman laughed.
"Well, better I stand from this uncomfortable sofa and go stop whatever she has in that wicked mind of hers"
"Good luck!" the woman croaked "Just don't be late for dinner tonight!"
Dinner! Ugh
" 'Course Grandmama! Wouldn't dream of it!"
"I hope not! Bat wings on the menu!"
Ugh
"On the other hand-"
"Oh, no no! You'll be there!" She looked offended ops! "I'll even do dessert!"
Oh, well... "Certainly, count me in" you desolately uttered as you psychologically prepared to at least try to eat.
And deal with Wednesday! It'll be a long night...a very long looong night