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“How about this?”
TK shuffles closer, resting his head on Carlos’ shoulder. He peers at the screen of his tablet and makes an intrigued humming noise, but Carlos can tell he’s not sold. Still, he surely flicks through the photos and waits for TK to comment, but what comes is another rather unhelpful hum, and Carlos sighs.
Locking the tablet, he slides it onto the nightstand. “Everything we look at has a problem, TK. Maybe we’re being too fussy.”
TK makes no attempt to move away from him. “How can we be too fussy when we’re looking at our forever home, Carlos? It needs to be perfect.”
The thing is, Carlos doesn’t disagree. TK makes a valid point, and though their wish list isn’t a million miles long, they have a number of non-negotiables that immediately rule out far too many potential properties. Location is a top priority—close to the city, close to Carlos’ station, close-ish to the 126 even though TK doesn’t work there anymore, and within reasonable distance of Carlos’ mom—as well as a large kitchen—that one is on Carlos: he likes cooking and entertaining, though TK has taken a liking toward baking since becoming a stay at home dad, as has Jonah—and a backyard for Jonah to play in and for a potential furry addition to the family at some point.
Then, there are things like office space for both of them, a playroom for Jonah if they’re really going that far, a room for Lou as per TK’s request, and a decent sized ensuite bathroom with a double shower for… privacy reasons.
The thing is, they want all of these things, need them, even, but at the end of the day, Carlos is beginning to realize that something is going to have to give if they are ever going to buy a house.
TK, on the other hand, doesn’t understand the word “compromise.”
Right now, to his husband, Carlos says, “Don’t you think the number one priority is that we move out of this place?” but TK shakes his head against his shoulder.
“The number one priority is that the house we move into is perfect.”
Carlos sighs again. He loves TK to the ends of the earth and back again a thousand times over, but he can be frustrating as hell sometimes. They’re in bed at a half past eight on a Saturday evening because their current living situation with a four-year-old is just not working. It’s… It’s fine. To a certain extent. They always agreed that they couldn’t stay here forever, so even with TK out of work, a house was on the cards from the moment they signed those adoption papers. A house with a bedroom for Jonah and a living room with a door so they can spend their evenings watching Grand Designs on the sofa instead of in bed so early. A house that means they can have guests over to stay—primarily Owen when he visits from New York, but also Carlos’ own mom, who doesn’t always like to be by herself. A house that means Jonah has a backyard, and one day, maybe soon, they can think about getting a dog and fulfilling that little boy’s childhood dream in a way TK’s never were.
Yet right now, they’re in a stalemate about what exactly it is that they need in any possible houses.
“TK,” Carlos sighs. “I thought we agreed.”
“We did.”
He nudges his husband off of his shoulder, if only so he can sit up and force TK to look at him. As he does so, he adjusts his glasses and notices the way TK smiles at that, so he shakes his head a little, wondering if he can get TK to agree to any house sooner by promising him more private time together.
He’s not above playing dirty, but TK must know that by now.
Still, his smile falls just as quickly, so Carlos pushes that urge away and takes TK’s hand in his own. Fiddling with his wedding ring, he asks, “Is something bothering you? About the house?”
TK shakes his head. “No. We need a house.”
“We do. So what is it?”
He nibbles his bottom lip. They’re so much better at communicating nowadays, but TK can get like this when he doesn’t know how to word what he’s thinking. Or word it in a way that Carlos doesn’t overreact to. He’s not always like that, but he has been known to jump to confusing conclusions over things he shouldn’t, so he’s here right now to prove to TK that he’s going to listen regardless of what he’s got to say.
After a moment, TK takes a breath and looks at him through hooded eyes. “It’s just, I thought this was going to be our forever home.”
“The loft?”
TK nods. “We didn’t future proof it, did we?”
They didn’t talk about having children before moving in together, Carlos thinks. Hell, they didn’t have that conversation before they got engaged, which is a failure on their part equally, even if part of Carlos is glad they didn’t when he’s not convinced they would’ve survived it that early on, but at the end of the day, they got there in the end. It took him a while, but they got there.
“No,” he says with a smile. “But that’s why we need a house, TK.”
“A two bed house, Carlos. They don’t even have spare rooms.”
He swallows thickly. “They have offices. We said we could get a sofa bed so your dad can stay.”
TK sighs again. “Is that really future proofing?”
Before Carlos can answer, TK lets go of his hand flops back against the mattress again. He stares at the ceiling for a moment, then rolls onto his side, finding Carlos’ eyes again. His are sad. They’re a little wider than usual, and Carlos’ heart just hurts at the sight without much understanding, so he shuffles down the bed to join TK. He finds his hand again, and thankfully, TK doesn’t recoil, so Carlos gently rubs his fingers until TK lets out a breath.
“It’s not fair for me to say when you’ll be paying again,” TK murmurs. “It’s your money.”
“We’re married, baby. It’s our money. And besides, you’re contributing. We have those savings from after the wedding.”
TK nods a little. “I guess.”
“You guess? Is this what it’s really about?”
“No,” he admits. “I don’t know.”
“Talk to me?”
“It’s nothing.”
“TK.”
“It’s—”
“Tyler,” he interrupts firmly. “I love you, but your ability to avoid talking is mind-boggling.”
TK burst out laughing. “Mine? Mine? Baby, can I remind you that you spent literally the first three years of our relationship avoiding talking about anything vaguely important?”
“No, I didn’t. That was most of our—”
“Exactly!” he exclaims. “Or do I need to remind you of your wife?”
Carlos scoffs playfully. “Oh, so you can make wife jokes, but I can’t?”
“We’ve been married for over two years, Carlos.”
“And yet—”
“Papas,” a small voice says as their bedroom door rolls open. With it, it brings a beat of silence in the room until Jonah appears at the end of the bed, frowning. “I can’t sleep.”
As TK goes to get up, Carlos stops him. He drops a kiss to the corner of his mouth before whispering, “I’ll be back soon,” and getting out of bed, making a beeline for Jonah.
As it turns out, Jonah thought he saw something in the kitchen. To Carlos, it proves even more why they need a house, why their little boy needs a bedroom of his own, because as good as their improvised bookshelf partitions were when they first adopted him, they’re working less and less these days, not in the same way physical walls would. It just doesn’t work. In any sense.
Tonight, Carlos shows Jonah that there’s nothing to be afraid of. He tucks him back into bed, tries to shift around a few items on his shelf so he can’t see through them as much, then reads Jonah a short story as per his request.
It isn’t until TK pads in some thirty minutes later that Carlos realizes lying down next to Jonah wasn’t quite the good idea he thought it was.
Still, Jonah sleeps peacefully, and Carlos lets his husband take him back to bed.
“I just keep thinking about the future, that’s all,” TK murmurs, throwing his arm over Carlos’ waist. “We have so much left to give, baby.”
Carlos’ eyes droop despite the early hour, so all he can do is hum in response.
—
He keeps thinking about TK’s words. He can’t stop thinking about them, truthfully. And with that, he can’t stop thinking about how easily he’s fallen into the role of ‘father’. He never expected to. There was one point in his life when he thought he’d never be able to give TK what he wanted beyond a lizard kept in a tank, but life throws curveballs at you, and Carlos has learned just to take those in his stride.
Things are different now; that’s something. They’re different enough both personally for Carlos and together for him and TK. They’ve both grown and learned and grown some more, and TK has opened up his eyes to a world of possibility to do with so many impossible things he never once thought he’d either want or have.
A marriage that wasn’t fake. A relationship with his father. A child. A house with more than one bedroom.
There’s so much. And sometimes, he still doesn’t know how to place it all within his own heart, but he gets there one day at a time, one conversation at a time, and the increasing happiness both inside and out just proves to him that life can and does work out in mysterious ways.
Still, there’s a lot to think about. A lot.
—
“Hey,” Carlos says as he opens the loft door. He’s home early after work for once, didn’t warn TK so he could surprise him, even brought a bouquet of flowers for him just to brighten up their home a little, and he feels good for doing it.
“Hey, baby,” TK calls from the kitchen. He turns around and smiles at Carlos, flicking off the heat on the stove as he does so. “Those for me?”
Crossing the room, Carlos nods, but instead of taking the flowers, TK puts them on the counter and pulls Carlos into a kiss instead. He hums against his lips, even parting them a little, which takes Carlos by surprise as much as he most decidedly is not complaining.
“Where’s Jonah?” he asks when they part, a little doe-eyed and dizzy.
“We have a child-free evening thanks to Marjan,” TK replies with a grin, his hand toying with the collar of Carlos’ shirt. “So I’m cooking. We’re gonna have dinner and—”
“Talk?”
TK blinks. “Not what I was gonna suggest, but sure.”
Carlos laughs a little. His heart flutters at the thought of an evening just the two of them, but at the same time, he’s met with a pang of disappointment when he realizes that means he won’t see Jonah.
If anything, it confirms something he already knew.
“I need to show you something,” he says suddenly. It feels like a ‘now or never’ kind of situation, so he simply ignores TK’s confusion and pulls out his phone.
“Baby, what—”
“Look, TK.” He hands his phone to TK, open to a webpage, his eyes searching his face immediately. “It’s a house. I found it earlier at work, and it’s, it’s perfect. It’s not far from my mom’s, we’d be nearer that kindergarten we looked at for Jonah, and look at the garden. You kept saying we need to wait for the perfect house. but babe, I think this is it.”
TK’s expression stays neutral at first, but the more photos he flicks through, the wider his smile gets. It’s like he can’t help it, in spite of his evident apprehension, and Carlos isn’t surprised, he’s not, but he’s glad, too.
Then, TK meets his eye. “Carlos, it has four bedrooms. We don’t need four bedrooms.”
“Future proofing,” he replies. “One for us, one for Jonah, a spare for visitors, and…” He lifts his head, reaching out for TK’s hand. “One for the future.”
TK blinks. He visibly swallows, then glances down at the screen again before looking back at Carlos. “You mean…”
Carlos nods regardless. “Another bedroom for another child. One day.”
“Seriously?”
He nods again. “Yes, TK, I’m serious. What do you think?”
“What do I… Carlos.”
“I’m not saying yet,” he says softly, “but one day, that’s what I want. With you.”
“You’re not messing around right now?”
“I wouldn’t. Not about something like this.”
TK hands the phone back like he’s on autopilot. Both of his shoulders slump, and he lets out a long breath as a smile tugs at his lips. “Carlos.”
“Yes, babe.”
He shakes his head, sniffing, then pulls Carlos into a hug. “I don’t know. I’m just. I love you.”
Carlos chuckles, rubbing TK’s back. “I love you, too.”
“Enough to have a family with me?”
“Enough that we have always been a family,” he corrects. “But we can expand that family.”
TK pulls back and meets his eye. “And this house is future proofing, right?”
“Just like you suggested.”
“Can we do it?”
Carlos cups his husband’s cheek and smiles. “We have an appointment to look around tomorrow.”
“You really are a control freak,” TK says with a laugh, and Carlos laughs back, nodding. After a beat, TK pecks his lips and lifts his hand to his chest again, adding, “But tonight we can celebrate, right?”
“Tonight and every night we’re together,” Carlos agrees with a smile.