Chapter Text
In the two months since Mel arrived at PTMC, she learned a few things:
- Santos’s favourite flavour of Monster was White Pineapple, but Guava worked in a pinch.
- Whitaker had an encyclopedic knowledge of the HBO show Band of Brothers and could recite all of episode 6 by memory.
- Mohan ate her kiwis with the skins on, like an apple.
- Javadi was desperately in love with Mateo. (“Desperately” was according to Santos; “in love with” was an assumption of Mohan’s. Javadi told Mel that it was a “dumb, like SUPER dumb and super harmless crush, really don’t worry about it Mel it’s like soooo totally nothing hahahaHAHAHAhaha”, and Mel elected to believe her instead of the others, because they were her feelings, weren’t they?)
She also learned why Dr. Frank Langdon disappeared.
Not right away, though. In fact, after her first day, the mention of his name could make even the loudest rooms in the ED go quiet. She wanted to ask what happened, but didn’t know who to ask and whether or not she would get in trouble if she did, so she kept her mouth shut and checked his Facebook at the end of each week, hoping that she would find it updated with some sort of useful information. She never did, but she did memorize the selfie of him and some woman that served as his profile picture.
After a couple months as resident, she headed out into the ambulance bay one afternoon and found Robby standing at the end of the driveway with his hands on his hips and his phone to his ear.
“Come on, Frank,” he was saying. Mel felt her ears perk up and hurried to hide behind a pillar. As soon as she did, however, she felt guilt starting to wring her stomach, and immediately tried to tell herself that it was fine, and that she wasn’t technically eavesdropping - she planned on coming out here before she realized he was on the phone, and it just so happened that she forgot her earbuds were tucked into her pocket and assumed she had no other choice but to whatever conversation he was having with Dr. Langdon.
“You know as well as I do that that’s not a good idea,” Robby said. His voice was low, but she didn’t feel like it was a warning. In fact, he sounded concerned, like he was talking to a patient instead of one of his residents. He paused and took in a deep breath. “Look, I know you - Frank, just shut up and listen, alright? You’re doing your due diligence, man, and that’s good. It’s really good. But you’re not ready.” He paused again. “I know. I know it’s tough. But I’m proud of you. I’m sure I’m the last person you wanna hear that from, but -” Frank must’ve cut him off because Robby took a sharp inhale, and even from where she was hiding, she could see his shoulders relax a second later. “Good. Good, I’m… I’m glad to hear it. We’ll check back in soon, alright? Okay. Thanks, man. Yeah. Let me know. Okay. Bye.”
He pulled his phone away from his ear and sighed. Mel slid her own phone out of her pocket and unlocked it, waiting until he was turning towards her to stare down at it and pretend she was doing something super important.
You’re not eavesdropping, she reassured herself as his footsteps got louder and louder. And if you are, it’s because you’re concerned. Just like Robby is. He can’t fault you for that, right?
“Dr. King,” Robby said warmly. Mel pretended to jump.
“Oh! Dr. Robby, hi! I-I didn’t see you there.” She smiled at him, hoping it would throw him off her potential scent. “How’s it… Um… how are you... doing?”
“I’m good,” he replied in that easy Robby way of his. “How about you? What’re you doing out here?”
“Oh, just… taking a breather." She gestured towards the end of the ambulance bay and the buildings in the distance. "I figured I would take advantage of being able to get some fresh air before the weather gets too cold.”
Truth be told, it was already cold. November was fast approaching, and there had been frost on her car that morning. But he smiled anyway. “Makes perfect sense. I’ll let you get back to it, then. See you ins-”
“Were you talking to Dr. Langdon just now?”
The smile disappeared from his face in an instant. Mel didn’t move a muscle, but she was cursing herself in her head. She had almost gotten away with her eavesdropping - she was certain that he didn't have any idea. Now she knew for a fact that he was never going to take a phone call that close to the ambulance bay again. She couldn’t believe that she had a chance to find out more about Dr. Langdon and blew it.
“Thought you said you didn’t see me,” he said, squinting and cocking his head.
“I didn’t,” Mel rushed to say, “but… um… I technically didn’t say that I didn’t hear you, so…”
He stared at her for a long moment before sighing. Again. He sighed a lot. Poor guy. “Yeah, I was talking to Dr. Langdon,” he answered. “I’m sure you noticed that he hasn’t been back for a while.”
“Yes, I did. I hope he’s okay.”
“Are any of us?” Robby joked, aimlessly smacking his phone against the palm of his hand. Then, “Yeah, he’s okay. He’ll be okay.” But she didn’t know if she believed him, because he was looking around really quickly, his eyes never settling on one thing. “He’ll be back soon. I hope he will, at least. And I bet you feel the same way.”
“Is it…” She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, knowing she was pushing her luck but unable to stop herself. “Can you tell me why he’s gone? Like, is it a family thing, or -”
“I can’t,” he interrupted. And even though she knew that answer was coming, she still felt like the disappointment like a slap to the face. “And even if I could, I shouldn’t. It’s not my story to tell. It’s Fra- it’s Dr. Langdon’s.”
“Yes, you're right.” She settled back against the wall and crossed her arms over her chest. “It’s just… We got along really well.” She added, in a smaller voice, “I was really hoping to learn more from him.”
“From him? What am I, chopped liver?”
The joke got a begrudging smile out of her. Robby placed a hand on her shoulder. “You’re doing a great job already, Dr. King,” he said. “Stick to what you’ve been doing and you’ll learn just as much as you would’ve otherwise.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” He squeezed her shoulder and then released it. “I’ll see you in there.”
She checked his Facebook again when she got home that night. Frank Langdon, it read. Born in Yonkers, New York. Lives in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Married to Abby Langdon. That must be the woman in his profile picture - she was shorter than Frank, if the odd angle was any indication, with auburn hair and a bright smile. She was beautiful. Mel wondered what she did for work.
And then she closed her laptop, because that felt like crossing a line.
That was the last she thought about him for another few weeks. She started taking on extra shifts at work and helped Becca learn her lines for the Christmas musical, which left her with almost no time for herself and definitely no time for cyberstalking Frank Langdon. During the first week of December, however, she and Santos decided to bus home from work together, and Santos turned to her with a serious look.
“Mel,” she said, “can I tell you something?”
“Of course, Trinity,” Mel replied. She hoped it wasn’t something serious, because she had very little mental energy to process any revelations right now, but thought that looking or sounding anything but enthusiastic might hurt the other woman’s feelings.
“So... You know why Dr. Langdon isn’t working at the hospital anymore, right?”
“Uhh… no.” Mel shook her head. “Do you?”
Santos pressed her lips together. “Well, I… I kinda got him fired.”
Mel narrowed her eyes. She couldn’t tell if Santos was pulling a prank on her - which she had done several times already - or just over exaggerating. Or maybe she was telling the truth. She looked very guilty, suddenly. Mel didn’t even realize her face could do that.
“Okay. Um... Why did you do that?” she asked, trying and failing not to sound judgmental.
“Well, he - he just - okay.” Santos reached over and grabbed Mel’s gloved hand. “You cannot tell anyone this. Okay? And you definitely can’t tell people you heard it from me, because, like, people are talking, but… I want no part in it. My part is done, and the last thing I want is to paint a target on my back for all the Langdon Loyalists. Okay?”
Mel neglected to tell her that if she'd known him a little longer, she probably would've been among the loyalists' ranks. “Okay.”
“Seriously. Swear on your life.”
“I swear on my life.”
“Swear on Becca’s life.”
“Trinity.”
“Too far. Heard.” She took a deep breath. “He was stealing drugs.”
Mel blinked at her, not sure she was processing the words properly. “I’m sorry?”
Santos leaned closer, which was good, because there were a few other people still on the bus and she shouldn’t have been talking about what sounded like a crime at full volume. “He was stealing drugs,” she repeated. “From the hospital. I told Robby, and then Langdon… well. You know. “Took a personal leave.”” She tried to add air quotes, but she was wearing thick winter gloves, so her hands just wiggled back and forth a little.
“But…” Mel recalled the memories of her first shift and wondered where she should fit getting fired for stealing drugs into the timeline. “He was there for the MCI.”
“Yeah, he came back to help out, but Robby was not happy to see him. Don’t you remember?”
She couldn’t remember whether or not other people were unhappy to see him because she had been so happy.
“I didn’t know he’d… Like… I didn’t know it would turn out like this.” Santos leaned away and looked out the window across from them. Mel turned to look at their reflections, too. “Like, don’t get me wrong. I don’t like the guy. But I kinda… feel bad. I dunno. I thought he’d be back by now. Or, like, in jail. I mean, I didn’t want him to go to jail, but…”
“Well.” Mel pushed aside her discomfort and forced a smile. “I appreciate you telling me, Trinity.”
Santos glanced at her. “And you won’t tell anyone else?”
“Nope.” Mel mimed zipping her mouth shut, which was also hard to do with gloves on. “No one.”
Of course, she wasn’t being entirely honest with Santos. She didn’t tell anyone - well, she told Becca, but she told Becca everything, so that didn’t count. But she wasn’t being honest when she said she appreciated Santos telling her, because she didn’t. She didn’t like having this knowledge about him. His Facebook information - that was different. It was something he had offered freely at some point in time. Knowing that he had been fired for stealing drugs (and being smart enough to guess why he might’ve been stealing drugs) was another thing entirely.
Unfortunately, Santos's confession and Mel's promise to keep it a secret opened up a whole new can of worms. Even if she had wanted to stop thinking about him, she couldn’t.
found langdons letterboxd, Santos texted her.
What’s a Letterboxd? Mel replied.
wth ur so uncultured
its a website. where u log movies and shit. its like goodreads. do u have goodreads?
It was somewhat serendipitous - she had been planning on checking his social media for the first time in a few weeks after she finished making dinner, but Santos beat her to it.
I don’t have time to read anything that’s not a medical journal. Can you log medical journals on Goodreads?
i don’t think so. thatd be sick though!!!
Mel placed her phone on the counter and continued to stir her pasta.
on letterboxd, u can put a list of ur top 4 favourite movies
wanna guess what langdon’s are?
Why were you looking for his Letterboxd?
ummm
i was bored :-)
plus i thought it would give me some insight on his sick and twisted mind
Trinity, that's so rude!
it’s a meme!!!
god. u have NO whimsy, melissa king!
are u gonna guess what his top 4 favourite movies are or what???
Mel stared at the message, told herself that she shouldn't be doing this, and then immediately started wondering what movies a thirty-something year old man would like.
He probably liked Fight Club, because every man she’d ever met liked Fight Club. And she once heard Dana and McKay talking about when he wore a Spiderman costume underneath his scrubs for Halloween - apparently he was obsessed, so he probably liked one of the Spiderman movies, too. She didn’t know which one, but she knew there were a lot to pick from and decided for herself that any of them would count. She also had a sneaking suspicion that he was the type of person who would forever love one of his favourite childhood movies, like Becca with Elf, or Mel with the Piglet Movie (which made her bawl whenever she watched it). But what came out when he was a kid that he might’ve liked? She grabbed her phone to Google kids' movies from the 90s, and decided on The Iron Giant. As for the fourth movie, she decided on Pulp Fiction. Just because.
Fight Club, Spiderman, The Iron Giant, and Pulp Fiction, she texted Santos, who didn’t respond until the spaghetti finished cooking.
omg those are so specific
i can so see ur line of thinking though
iron giant fucks
what are ur favourite movies???
She already considered herself to be friends with Trinity, but their attachment, negative or positive, to Dr. Langdon strengthened their friendship, or at least gave them something to talk about regularly until the friendship strengthened itself. Santos hunted down his Steam account, which she explained was some sort of online gaming profile, and the two of them spent an entire evening talking about all the games he owned - among them were Marvel’s Spider-man, Fortnite, and something called Genital Jousting that Mel declined to learn any additional information about; Mel texted her once at midnight when she checked Facebook and saw that he was no longer listed as being married to Abby Langdon, and Santos blew up her phone with theories until both of them fell asleep and she was forced to continue the next morning. Despite the fact that Mel was only in the same room as Dr. Langdon for 0.67% of the time that she knew of his existence, that existence dominated her conversations with Santos and continued to linger in the back of Mel’s mind for months.
By February, they found new things to talk about, and by April, they created a group chat with a few of the other doctors that was the source of 90% of Mel’s notifications. One day, towards the end of May, she received one of these notification while she and Becca were at the park feeding the ducks:
Mohan: Apparently Abbot went out to lunch with Dr. Langdon a couple weeks ago
Santos: what??????
Mohan: He’s going to start back at PTMC soon
Javadi: That’s good!
Whitaker: Really?
Mohan: Apparently!
Santos: don’t worry, huckleberry, just bc langdon comes back doesnt mean ur gonna stop being robby’s little bitch
Whitaker: I told you to stop calling me that
Santos: what? huckleberry or robby’s little bitch?
Whitaker: Both
Mohan: Play nice, Trinity
Santos: don’t know the meaning of the word
Javadi: We’re aware
Mel pursed her lips. Did he say when he was coming back?
Mohan: Not for another month or two
There’s some paperwork to sort out, but he’s really looking forward to it
Santos: who, langdon or abbot?
Mohan: Langdon
Jack seemed ambivalent
Santos: so he’s JACK now, huh???????????
Javadi: 👁️👄👁️
Mohan: I’m muting you
Santos: nooo!!! samira!!!! who else will send me the driest texts and worst medical memes in world history!!!
This information was confirmed when, a few weeks later, Robby approached Mel in the break room.
“Dr. King,” he said. “Got a minute?”
But before she had even responded, he pulled a chair out from underneath the table, spun it around, and sat down on it backwards. It made him look super cool. She was suddenly very intimidated.
“I’m sure you’ve heard,” he continued, “that Dr. Langdon is coming back.”
“He is?” she asked through a mouthful of sandwich.
“He is. On the Fourth of July, which is…” He shook his head. “A disaster waiting to happen, if I'm honest. But yeah. He’s coming back.”
“And…” Mel swallowed and wiped her mouth on the back of her hand before she asked, “How do you feel about that?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know yet. I'm looking forward to seeing him again... worried how he’s going to adjust...”
“Yeah,” she agreed sadly. By this point, everyone knew he had been doing drugs, and most of them knew he had been getting drugs from less-than-legal sources. If it weren’t for Dana and McKay’s efforts to shut the worst of the rumours down, he would be coming back to the chilliest reception she could imagine. “Me too.”
“Good, ‘cuz that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” He glanced at the door to the break room and then back at her. “I wanted to ask you if you’d mind keeping an eye on him.”
“Me? Um - why me, Dr. Robby?”
Robby shrugged again. Since she first started here, she hadcome to learn that Robby shrugging didn’t necessarily mean that he didn’t know the answer to something, it meant that he wasn’t going to tell you. At least not the full story. “You guys seemed to get along well, on your first day,” he answered. “And, truth be told, it’s important that there’s someone here who treats him like a human being.”
“He is a human being.”
“Yeah. People might not treat him that way, though.”
He’d heard the rumours, then.
“And he asked about you,” Robby added.
She sat up straighter in her seat. “He... asked about me?”
He nodded. “Just a couple times, but yeah. He seemed impressed. And, let me tell you, finding someone that impresses Frank is like finding a needle in a fuckin’ haystack.”
She hoped that it wasn’t too obvious she was blushing. “Oh.”
“Of course, if you’re not comfortable with that, then…”
“No! No, I am, Dr. Robby. I’ll keep an eye out for him.” She fixed him with a serious look. “You have my word.”
Robby smiled at her. “I knew I would.”
Despite her promise to Robby, she spent most of her drive home gnawing the inside of her cheek to shreds. She was glad that Dr. Langdon was coming back, both for his sake and hers. She still hadn’t clicked with any of the older residents like she had with him (though McKay called her “bestie” the other day which, as long as it wasn’t ironic, felt like a good sign), and she felt like she knew him, understood him. She felt that, despite the short amount of time they spent together, they really understood each other.
But the reality of the situation was that she felt like she knew him because she’d spent eight months stalking him on social media. Sure, she could connect some of the things she knew about him now to the things she learned about him back then - for example, she knew that he was a super focused person, but whether that was because he had done great work after the PittFest shooting or because he dutifully logged himself watching IMBD’s Top 100 Movies of All Time from November to February, she had no idea. And how was she supposed to look him in the face after staring at his Facebook profile picture for months? He wasn’t even a person in her memory - he was made up entirely of pixels.
Fortunately, she didn’t have much of a choice, because before she knew it, it was his first day back.
She actually forgot it was his first day back, too. She was in a rush that morning because Becca didn’t know whether or not she should wear red, white, or blue to the centre and spent thirty minutes changing her shirt before deciding on purple, and Mel careened into the hallway at one minute after seven to find Dr. Langdon standing in front of his locker, wearing a pair of scrubs that looked slightly too big for him and a familiar beaded bracelet and no wedding ring on his left hand.
He wasn't made of pixels, then. He was made of skin and muscle and messy black hair, just like he was before.
“Dr. Langdon,” she breathed. “You’re here.”
He turned in the direction of her voice and smiled when he saw her. “In the flesh,” he said. His response instantly brought her back to the MCI - she really was so happy to see him then. She was happy to see him now, too, but… her search history and most frequently visited web pages made that complicated.
She should’ve expected it after her conversation with Robby, but Dr. Langdon stuck to her for most of the day. He was always at her side or hanging over her shoulder, watching what she was doing and offering his help and obviously doing his best to stay out of everyone’s way. She couldn’t blame him - even if he wanted to work with someone who wasn't her, or do something by himself, all of the eyes in the ED would’ve been turned on him. Javadi clearly didn't know how to act in his presence, Whitaker stammered through most of their interactions and offered to split his peanut butter and jelly sandwich 50-50 for seemingly no reason, and Santos alternated between staring at him across the operating table or stalking past him on the floor without acknowledging that he was there. No one said anything about why he’d been gone or the fact that he was back, not even Dr. Langdon. Mel hated the tension. It made her teeth hurt.
The first time he perked up was when someone came into the ED dressed in a fursuit. Mel had nothing against furries, and neither did any of the doctors and nurses, but the patient was in and out of consciousness because of whatever drugs he had taken, and when Dr. Langdon made a dog pun under his breath, Collins, Garcia, and Princess all turned and looked at him before whispering one of their own. (Mel couldn’t - she wasn’t fast enough, which frustrated her for an hour afterwards.) He even sniped something at Garcia when she abandoned them all to deal with “something more interesting”. She paused for a moment before giving him the finger and mouthing "fuck you, Langdon". He smiled.
Mel tried her best to make him feel included, as well, but then she’d remember the cloud of information hanging between them that he had no idea about, so she flip flopped back and forth between stream of consciousness when she wasn’t distracted and complete silence when she was, because she was certain that if she wasn’t thinking hard about it, she would let some of the information she had on him slip.
“And because we’d been outside all afternoon we were super sweaty, but the only place around was McDonald’s, and Becca, you know, she really wanted a McFlurry, but then the McFlurry machine was broken -”
“Always is.”
“Mel? Uhh… we’ve been standing here for twenty seconds.”
“Oh, sorry, Dr. Langdon! I just… um… I totally spaced, sorry.”
“No, it’s fine. And - I told you. Call me Frank.”
She didn’t know whether or not to be surprised when he followed her to the lockers at the end of their shift; after that, the two of them gathered their things and walked out of the ED together without speaking. Robby was watching them and waved, which made Frank smile, and Dana looked at Mel and winked, which made Mel wonder why she was doing that. She felt like everyone knew something she didn’t, but the joke was on them - she knew things that they could never even conceive of. For example, on March 16th, Frank watched the Paw Patrol movie and rated it 3 and a half stars. No one in the ED knew that but her.
“Hey.” They were halfway across the parking lot when Frank reached out to touch her arm. “Can I just - can I say something real quick?”
She turned around to face him, but he must’ve thought she was shrugging out of his grasp, because he dropped his hand to his side. “Uh, yeah! Sure! O-of course!”
“Okay, uh…” He flopped his head back and blew out a raspberry. “I just wanted to make sure that we’re. Like. Good.”
“Good?”
“Yeah.” He looked at her again. She preferred it when he wasn’t looking at her, because when he looked at her, she wondered whether or not his hair fell in his face like that when he stayed up late playing Fortnite, and whether or not his bright blue eyes filled with tears when he finished rewatching Dirty Dancing on January 15th and rated it 5 stars. (Good God, she needed to delete her search history and never think about movies ever, ever, ever again.) “I mean… you’ve must've heard lots of shit about me by now.”
“Um... nope. I haven't heard anything.”
“C’mon, we both know that’s a lie.”
“No, it’s actually -!”
“Mel.” He took a step closer to her. She didn’t take a step back. “I wanted to apologize. For what happened.”
“What happened... when?”
“The day I left.”
“Why would you apologize to me for stealing drugs from the hospital?”
His mouth dropped open in surprise. She did not mean to say that - why was she always betraying her own brain when it came to things like this?
“I mean - um - I mean..." She pressed her hands to her cheeks and shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut. "Oh, I am so sorry for saying that, Frank, I -”
“It’s… fine.” He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “You know, it sounds fucked up, but I’m actually glad that you already know. I wouldn’t want to lie to you. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t trust me.”
Her hands fell from her cheeks. “I have never doubted whether or not I can trust you."
"Okay... but I was a fuckin’ junkie. Like, you get that, right?"
"I do -"
"And you just said - I stole drugs from the hospital. That's a pretty big deal. So why would you trust me?”
"Why would you tell me that you want me to trust you and then immediately second-guess why I might already trust you?"
"Why wouldn't I?"
"Why wouldn't you... what?"
"Jesus." Despite the serious subject matter, he was starting to grin. "Just - answer the question, would you? Why do you trust me, Mel?"
“Because.” Because you watched the Paddington movies on Valentine's Day and gave them both 5 stars, and no matter what you tell me, that's not someone I need to be afraid of. But she couldn't say that, so she shrugged instead and felt a lot like Robby with his hospital's worth of secrets. “I just… do.”
“Okay... but are you 100% sure about that?” He squinted at her. She was starting to feel very, very seen, in more ways than one. "Not that I'm doubting you, it's just... I’m trying to figure out if you were being weird today because of me or because you’re just like that.”
“Oh, I am just like that. I mean, I prefer the term, um… eccentric, maybe? No, that makes me sound like a mad scientist… Um - anyway, yes, I am just weird. That’s... me.”
He laughed again. He had a nice laugh. She forgot about that. Actually - she wasn’t sure she ever really heard it.
She didn’t really know this man at all.
“I thought so. Love it.” He held his fist out. “And thanks, Mel. You rock. I’m super stoked to be working with you again.”
She knocked her fist against his, making sure she didn't hold it there longer than she needed to. “I'm super stoked to be working with you, too.”
After flashing her one last smile, he headed across the parking lot towards his own car, and she watched him go. It was a strange experience, getting to see him in person after creating this whole other version of him in her head. The man getting into that White Honda Civic was a man who loved Dune and Dune 2; who logged 1200 hours into Fallout: New Vegas, whatever that was; who was no longer married to his wife. And while she felt guilty for holding this information so closely to her chest, she was glad he was back, because it meant she might have a chance to learn it all again organically. Without any cyberstalking, this time.
And she should probably get better at lying, too, before she spills all her secrets on a public bus.