Chapter Text
Kissing.
The topic comes up randomly one day while Arin is over at Dan's house on a Wednesday night. They're supposed to be studying, they have a big test the following day, but anyone who even remotely knows either boy would know that that just wasn't gonna happen.
The two are at least trying though, textbooks and papers spread across Dan's bed haphazardly. Dan is on said bed, large book open in front of him as he lays on his stomach near the edge of the bed facing Arin, who is sprawled out on the floor.
Dan's in the middle of attempting to decipher a particularly annoying formula they had just learned in Math class—fuck Math, he thought irritatedly—when he hears Arin speak up for the first time in at least ten minutes. That probably doesn't seem like a very long time, but Arin usually had a lot to say in any situation they were in, so it felt like an eternity to Dan.
"Dan, can I ask you something?"
Dan lifts his head up, gaze flickering to Arin's face as he raises an eyebrow. That was...weirdly formal. Especially coming from Arin. "Yeah. What's up?"
"You've kissed a lot of people, right?"
"Uhh...yeah? I...guess you can say that," Dan says, shrugging slightly. "I've had a couple girlfriends, and yeah, we kissed. Why?"
"How...how do you kiss someone?" Arin asks, sounding far too innocent for the dude who's main hobby was to take things way too far in casual conversations. Dan can recall plenty of times Arin had called him late at night, tired and completely out of it, leaving messages about how much he needed Dan inside his asshole. And that was only the tip of the iceberg when it came to Arin.
That person is asking how to kiss?
Dan is annoyed at the way part of him finds it cute.
"Well I mean..." Dan sits up, looking off into the distance for a moment as he tries to think of a way to actually word it properly. When he can't think of a good one, he just sighs exasperatedly. "You just kinda...do it. Press your mouth against another person's and stuff happens."
Arin's face is blank as he looks up at Dan. "Daniel, that is probably the least helpful thing you have ever said in all the years we've been friends."
"Hey, it is not!" Dan crosses his arms with a slight pout. "Well, fine then, Mr. Smooch Expert, if you don't want my help—"
Arin shakes his head, laughing. "No, no dude. Trust me, I want your help. I just want you to know, that sentence helped me in no way whatsoever."
"Thanks. Totally appreciate it, Arin," Dan deadpans. "But anyway like...I'm being serious here. I'm not trying to be a dick and not give you a straight answer...it's just that kissing is one of those things that can't really be explained. You press your lips against someone else's and move them together." He lifts his hands to about face level, pressing the tips of his index fingers together as if that would somehow help Arin understand kissing.
Shockingly enough, it doesn't.
"And like...tongue is a thing you can use, but I mean you don't have to in every kiss—wow this feels dumb because you probably already know this—but yeah. Sure, there are wrong ways to kiss, but there aren't really right ways. It's different for everyone, so you just kind of...do it, suck at it, do it more, and then suck slightly less each time you do."
"This is...not helping," Arin sighs, leaning on his hand as he closes his notebook.
"Why do you even care so much?" Dan asks, curious at his friend's reasoning. This isn't usually the type of thing that comes up casually. Arin had to be thinking about something for this to come up. At least, Dan thinks so.
"I...I don't know, it's probably an important thing to know, you know?" Arin flails his hands as he tries to explain himself.
Dan somehow feels like there's more to the story, like that isn't the actual reason behind Arin asking, but he doesn't push it any further. "I'm sorry, Ar, I wish I could say more but I'm not exactly an expert on this either. Why don't you just like, I don't fucking know, Google it or something, the Internet can probably explain kissing better than m—"
"Couldn't we just like...I don't know, practice a bit?" Arin interrupts Dan, asking the question a little too casually. "I can have how it works explained to me a million fucking times, but I won't actually get it unless I get some hands on experience, you know?"
"Prac...tice," Dan parrots the word slowly, trying to figure out exactly what Arin means by it because there's no way he means what Dan thinks he means. "What do you mean by that?"
"What do you think I mean, Dan? Bring those fuckin' sweet, sexy lips of yours over here and put them on mine so I can learn how to kiss. Simple."
"Arin, fucking— oh my god," Dan sputters as he covers his mouth, his skinny frame shaking as giggles and snorts erupt from him. "I can't— I can't even believe you."
"Can't believe me? What the fuck, why not?" Arin appears shocked, though his lips are twitching upward, clearly wanting to grin. "It's just two bros, makin' out...what's so weird about that?"
"I...for the record, I am not saying that it's weird, I'm just saying that it's super gay."
"No it's not!" Arin argues, seeming way too passionate about the situation than he should be. "It's not gay if it's for practice! God, I'm starting to think someone didn't read the Bro Code."
"Since when was that stupid ass rule in the Bro Code?!" Dan questions, tone skeptical as he closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. "You know what, that's not important. Are you...serious about this?"
"Of fucking course I am," Arin says, puckering his lips exaggeratedly and making kissy noises. "I'm still waiting."
"Jesus, Arin," Dan mutters, shaking his head with a grin. Arin is ridiculous sometimes, that's an indisputable fact, but the most ridiculous part about all of this is probably the fact that Dan's actually starting to consider this.
After a moment of just kind of looking down at Arin, unsure of what exactly to do or say, he picks up the book that's in front of him and sets it aside, sitting up properly and patting the now empty space on the bed in front of him. "Come up here."
Arin blinks, eyebrows raising. He doesn't move immediately; he probably didn't expect Dan to actually agree to this just as much as Dan himself hadn't. Sure, they joked a lot, but this somehow felt like taking things a step further. It felt more real than their usually gay banter.
However, just as Dan's about to open his mouth and question him, or maybe somehow play the action off as just a joke, Arin obeys, getting up off of the floor and stretching slightly before sitting on his knees in front of Dan. "Okay, now what?"
Dan swallows thickly, mouth suddenly feeling dry. "Well, we're gonna kiss so you can get the gist of how this works, and then we can get back to fucking studying because we're both going to fail if we don't, and it's not like we have all night."
"You're no fun." Dan can't help but smile at Arin's playful words; it's damn near impossible to be completely serious around Arin.
"Shut up, Arin." Dan doesn't do anything at first, studying Arin's face for any sign of hesitation now that he's up close, which, in a way, is kind of stupid since Arin was the one who initiated this, after all. The one who wanted this to happen. As expected, he doesn't find any. Arin is dead set on this.
There's an awkward silence hanging in the air, a weird and foreign sensation both of them can feel but just aren't used to, neither boy making a sound or moving because even though they both know what's supposed to happen, what's going to happen, it doesn't actually happen. Though Dan didn't see any hesitation or worry in Arin's brown eyes, it's clear that he is actually, physically hesitating, which makes absolutely no fucking sense whatsoever. Dan's hesitating, too, just like Arin. But, unlike Arin, that's because he's actually pretty uncertain about all of this.
At this point, they're just wasting time. Time they can't afford to be wasting.
Finally, after what feels like forever, Arin groans, the sound slicing through the thick silence. "Dan, are you actually—"
Before his mind can catch up, before it can give him about a million reasons why this is wrong and it shouldn't be fucking happening, friends don't do this, Dan's hand is on the nape of Arin's neck, warm and solid, and it's pulling Arin's face closer to him so he can finally bring their lips together.
It's soft. Arin's lips are soft. That's the first real thought Dan's mind can even begin to process as their lips slide together. He can feel the slight intake of breath from Arin, he's clearly fumbling, nervous and inexperienced as he sloppily tries to mirror what Dan's lips are doing, the movements he's making, but Dan can't bring himself to actually mind. After all, it's Arin. This is Arin he's kissing, and for some reason Dan just doesn't know, he can only bring himself to find it endearing. Trying to figure out the reason behind that is proving to be even more difficult than figuring out those stupid formulas he was reading about mere minutes before, so he decides to stop thinking about it.
For now, at least. He can figure it out later. When he wasn't kissing Arin, when he could actually focus on anything besides Arin.
Arin's gripping the front of Dan's old Rush shirt tightly, the fabric twisted and taut under his worrying hands. It's probably going to be stretched to all hell once this is over, and it's such a shame, that has always been one of Dan's favorite shirts, but once again Dan is too occupied to really care.
The pace of the kiss is slow, soft, gentle, and part of Dan is actually afraid of how much he likes kissing Arin. Arin tastes weirdly sugary-sweet, artificially so, and Dan has to think just a little bit before he realizes it's probably because of the bag of Skittles the two had shared before they actually started studying. It's an electrifying, dizzying taste, one that Dan suddenly can't get enough of.
Dan, regrettably, is the one to break the kiss, pulling back only slightly to pant softly. His face is still hovering dangerously close to Arin's, Arin's breath warm on Dan's face as he also catches his own breath. Arin's cheeks are flushed a pretty, rosy shade, and Dan feels like he might finally understand why Arin is so fond of the color pink.
He wants to kiss Arin again. He really, truly does. But he doesn't. He hates how affected he is over this, he's supposed to be the expert here, the one teaching Arin what to do in this kind of situation, but he's at a loss for words just as much as Arin is. He's burning with a feeling, a hot, searing, unbearably intense feeling that he isn't quite sure he's ever experienced before, definitely not while kissing his past girlfriends. It's new, and scary, and Dan doesn't know what to do with it now.
"C-can we...do that again?" Arin's voice is breathless, quiet, and it sounds just as unsure and confused as Dan feels inside.
"I...yeah, okay," Dan somehow manages to say, at least attempting to regain his composure, if only to save face. He isn't sure why he feels the need to do so, it's clear he isn't alone in this, but he does it anyway.
This time it's Arin himself who starts to lean forward with the clear intent to kiss Dan again, his eyes already fluttering shut, and Dan's start to slide shut as well. Arin's lips are so close, he can feel the warm puffs of air coming from them, and Dan's heart is pounding so hard he can hear it, the sound of blood rushing in his ears deafening, and—
"Arin, Danny!" The door to his room slams open then, completely shattering the moment Arin and Dan were having, and Dan isn't sure his eyes have ever shot open so fast. Dan and Arin jump away from each other as if they'd been burned, Dan landing hard on a book and some stray papers, but Arin just straight up falls backwards off of the bed, landing square on his ass. He hisses; it was a hard fall, after all, and Dan would probably be laughing at how funny it looked if his heart wasn't beating so fast and he wasn't so startled himself.
"Uh, Arin's mom is here to pick him up," Dana, who's lingering awkwardly in the doorway, says, looking between Dan and Arin confusedly as if trying to figure out what the hell had just happened.
"Oh," Arin breathes out, moving fast as he grabs his bag and starts mindlessly stuffing his things inside. Dan gets up and starts putting his own stuff away, mostly because he doesn't want to just sit and watch Arin in silence. Once Arin's all packed up and his bag is slung over his shoulder, his gaze settles back on Dan, and Dan can see how badly Arin wants to say something. Hell, Dan's got a few words for him as well, but the words aren't spoken, left lingering in the air between them. Dan's sister is right there, and neither Arin nor Dan are going to dare say anything about what they just did, especially when they don't even know what the fuck they just did themselves.
Practice. That's what it had been. That way of thinking completely flew out the window the second their lips actually touched, Dan knows that, and he's pretty certain Arin does too. In a perfect world, where it actually was just practice and nothing else, the two would've parted and probably laughed, making jokes about the whole thing and how gay it was. Dan would've ripped on Arin for not knowing what he was doing, and everything would've been fine and dandy. But, that didn't happen. This wasn't a perfect world. It was much more complicated than that.
"I...guess I'll see you in class tomorrow, Dan," Arin states simply, strained and forced and clearly the last thing Arin actually wants to say to him.
"Y-Yeah. See you," Dan says with a nod, looking straight into Arin's eyes, and they hold the eye contact for just a little too long before Arin turns around and starts to leave the room, muttering a quick and awkward goodbye to Dana as he moves past her before he's out of Dan's sight.
The room is silent, Dana still at the door and Dan standing in front of his bed.
"Did I...interrupt something?" Dana isn't teasing him, she's legitimately asking, and Dan isn't sure how to respond. "Yes, you did" would be the most honest answer but would lead to more questions, and "no, you didn't" would be an outright lie. Dan doesn't like lying. He never has, and he doubts he ever will.
"...No," Dan finally answers as he runs a hand through his hair, somehow managing to make it even messier as he looks down. "It's fine, you didn't." He waves her off, and she just looks at him for a moment, gaze burning into him as if she could see right through him, but she doesn't say another word, leaving the room and closing the door behind her.
Dan's alone now, alone with his confused thoughts, unsure how to feel about the kiss or Arin or anything anymore, and he throws himself back onto his bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. He sighs at the way his lips still feel warm and tingly, as if he can still feel the light pressure of Arin on them.
Dan may not know what to think or how to feel, but there is one thing he knows for sure.
Dan knows that he is absolutely, positively fucked, plain and simple. And honestly, right now that's all he needs to know.