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Poe was certain that when most people thought of the Resistance they would think of battles and undercover missions, maybe weapons training too and not those thousands of common things – great and small – that made up everyday life, even if you were a guerilla army.
They certainly wouldn't think of parties. But that was exactly what was taking place in the middle of the Resistance base at that moment.
It was an impromptu party to celebrate the successful relocation of the base.
Istyll, their chosen planet, was covered in jungle, but it didn't remind Poe of home, used as he was to the riot of colors on Yavin. Istyll was mainly green, and the wildlife was far too hospitable in Poe’s opinion, but it made for a comfortable new home. The only reason it hadn't been colonized already was the outlying asteroid belt which made travel in and out of system en bulk difficult and it was a little too far from the major hyperspace lanes, which only served to make it more perfect for them.
While the Resistance might have been underfunded, under-equipped and understaffed, moving everything and everyone was a bigger job than most of the younger members had expected, and now that they were done some of them had thrown an impromptu celebration on the grass beside the new landing field. It had slowly escalated into a full scale party, complete with music and drinks.
Groups of people were standing or sitting about, talking, eating or drinking, and in the middle a large number were dancing.
The sun was beginning to set, bathing everyone in hues of red and orange as the music mixed with the sounds of nocturnal animals in the jungle.
Poe himself was leaning back against the wall of one of the newly built bunkers, enjoying how it warmed his back through his shirt as it gave off the heat of the day. He held a bottle of beer loosely in his hand as he stood watching the dancers and quietly enjoying the ambience of the night.
One couple in particular held his attention.
Jess had dragged Finn out on the “dance floor” and they were both cutting loose. Not that she had to drag very hard to get him out there, dancing was something Finn had never done before – from what Poe understood The First Order wasn't big on parties that didn't involve marching and speeches – and like every new experience the galaxy threw his way, he embraced it joyfully. Watching his delighted grin as he and Jess moved to the music made Poe smile. Both were in civilian clothes, loose slacks and short sleeved shirts, and it made them look even younger in Poe’s eyes than they were – young and carefree.
“You know, if you don't make a move soon someone else is going to get him. Jess certainly isn't immune.”
Poe looked up at Snap who had somehow managed to sneak right up beside him without Poe noticing. Despite his size the other pilot could move very quietly when he wanted to.
Testily, Poe took a drink of the bottle in his hand.
“Finn isn't a prize.”
“No,” Snap conceded, looking out at the dancing couple then back at Poe. “But he is a popular young man. And would you really trust someone else with him?”
“He's not a kid, he can handle himself.”
Snap snorted.
“Yeah, but I think he'd rather handle you. Or have you managed to miss the looks he's been giving you?”
Poe felt blood shoot into his face. He was all too aware of Snap intense study and it made him fiddle nervously with his bottle.
“No, I haven't missed them,” he finally admitted.
“So, when are you going to do something? You've been going on about him since he woke up – actually, no since you got back from Jakku, so I know it's not for lack of interest on your part. It's getting exhausitng to watch you moon about and do nothing. And he isn't going to wait for you forever.”
Poe took a quick swallow of his beer.
“Maybe that would be for the best.”
He caught Snap's 'you have got to be kidding me' look out of the corner of his eye.
“Come on,” Poe continued. “I'm nine years older than him. And that's just for a start.”
“So you're not going to say anything and just... pine in silence?”
Poe shrugged.
“And if he asked? Would you'd say no then?”
The pilot looked down, scuffing his boot on the ground.
“If he asks me... then, no. But I'm not going to start anything.”
“And you damn well know he's too decent a person to try it on with anyone when they haven't given him a clue that they might be interested. So are you going to leave him in the dark about it?”
“I can't push him, Snap. I can't. He just got out of the First Order. And there's Rey, he's pretty fond of her, you know,” Poe said softly.
“Telling him how you feel isn't pushing. Let him make up his own mind. As you said, he's not a kid, and he's not one to be bossed around either. Or you could, you know, show him? You don't normally have problems flirting when you're interested.”
Poe felt himself go even redder under Snap's continued scrutiny.
“You really got it bad, don't you?”
There was really no point in denying it, was there?
“Yeah.”
They were interrupted by Finn and Jess who came over, Jess dropping down on the grass next to Snap with an exhausted groan.
“Sorry Finn, I'm all danced out.”
Snap gave the young man a grin.
“First time that's happened,” the older pilot said. “I'm impressed.”
Finn smiled back at Snap with that wonderful, wide smile of his.
“It's okay, I should probably take a break too,” he said.
“Or you could dance with Poe,” Snap countered and Poe briefly considered murdering the man. “He's almost as good as Jess.”
Poe saw a quick flash of hope in Finn's eyes before the young man quickly looked away.
“No, that's okay. I-”
“No I'd love to.” Poe couldn't believe those words had just left his mouth, but the happy look Finn gave him made any possible catastrophe that could happen later on worth it.
He handed his bottle to Jess and touched Finn's arm lightly.
“It's been while though, so I might be rusty.”
“You'll do fine,” Snap drawled and Poe shot him a dirty look over his shoulder as he led Finn back to the dance floor.
One tune followed another without pause and Poe had to admit that he had missed dancing. That he was dancing with Finn made it perfect.
After the seventh or possibly eighth song, Poe had lost track, the music changed from rapid dance beat to slow and sensual. Some of the dancers drifted off to do other things while others joined in, swaying slowly in time to the music.
Poe was certain he had Snap to thank for this and in the back of his mind he was hatching vivid plots of how to kill the man.
Finn had stopped moving and stood silently in front of Poe, watching him and shifting nervously with an uncertain look in his eyes.
“Do you want to keep dancing?” Finn asked.
Poe swallowed and bit his lip.
This was it, wasn't it?
This was as much of a pass as Finn would ever make on a person who hadn't given him direct encouragement. He had told Snap that he wouldn't turn down a direct pass from Finn, but now that it had happened part of him wanted nothing more than to bolt.
Finn just studied him patiently, but Poe didn't miss the way he was nervously flexing his fingers.
Murdering Snap could wait, Finn deserved an answer.
There was something Poe could only call a fragile hope in Finn's eyes and all his reasons for why this might be a very bad idea crumbled in its presence.
“Only if you do.”
The surprise and joy in Finn's eyes at his answer was more than worth silencing his doubts over.
Finn held out his hand and Poe stepped closer, leaving only a few centimetres between them.
“Put your arms around my waist,” Poe said.
Finn did as asked and Poe in turn put his arms around Finn's shoulders. Together they swayed in time with the music's slow rhythm.
Poe felt Finn almost hesitantly tighten his embrace as if he wanted to pull Poe closer, but wasn't entirely sure if Poe would welcome that.
Throwing all caution to the winds, Poe let himself be pulled in by the gentle pressure until they ended up chest to chest, his cheek against Finn's.
Almost painfully aware of all the places in which their bodies touched, Poe desperately tried to focus on the music or literally anything else, but Finn's breath constantly gusting across the back of his neck made that impossible. And the young man would certainly be able to feel the shivers running through the pilot every time Finn let out a breath, not to mention how fast and hard his heart was beating in his chest.
“Poe?”
Finn stopped dancing and stepped back a little as he asked, eyeing Poe carefully.
“Yes?”
Finn's Adams apple bobbed nervously.
“Can I kiss you?”
Finn's eyes lingered at Poe's lips as he asked and the pilot reflexively licked them.
Poe wasn't sure why Finn's forwardness surprised him, the man had never shown any shyness in asking for something he wanted, but he supposed that his own hesitancy played a not insignificant part.
Heat pricked Poe's neck and the night air suddenly felt very warm, almost cloying.
“Yeah,” he finally answered. “We can kiss.”
Finn leaned in instantly, but Poe brought up his hand to Finn's shoulder, restraining him and a flash of confusion and hurt went through his eyes.
“Not here,” Poe continued. “Let's find a place with a bit of privacy, I hate getting interrupted.”
“Okay.” The small, pleased smile on Finn's lips made Poe feel slightly less nervous about it all. Finn stepped back and let his arms fall away from Poe's waist, leaving the pilot feeling oddly bereft at the loss.
Leaving one arm around Finn's shoulder – and deliberately not looking in the direction that Snap and Jess were sitting – Poe led the young man away from the crowd.
The sun had set fully by now and the grounds around the base lay shrouded in darkness apart from the light that filtered from a few windows and the weak crescent that hung high in the night sky. The sounds from the jungle got more noticeable as they left the music behind.
Poe was telling himself that he was looking for a good spot where they wouldn't be interrupted by passersby, but deep down he knew he was stalling. Encouraging smile from Finn or not, his nerves were wreaking havoc and his heart was beating far too fast.
“Poe.” Finn's voice was as soft as the darkness around them.
“If you don't want to do this-”
The pilot came to a halt.
“No, I do- I...” He reached out and ran his free hand over Finn's arm.
“I want to do this, I do. It's just...”
He swallowed.
“It's kinda a big deal for me. I like you Finn, I like you a lot.”
Even in the dim light from the crescent moon Poe could see Finn's bright smile.
“Okay so...” Finn looked at him.
Oh to the nine hells with it.
Poe led them behind a tall stack of storage crates so that random wanderers wouldn't walk into them.
The place lay in an even deeper darkness and the complete inability to get any kind of visual cues from Finn made Poe's nerves spike further. He took a deep breath and tried to steady himself as he put both hands on Finn's shoulders. His palms were clammy and his throat was suddenly very dry.
Still, he was going to do this. They were going to do this.
Poe leaned in and pressed his lips against Finn's.
As kisses went it wasn't that spectacular, first kisses rarely were. Too much 'we are both testing the waters and trying to figure out what the other person likes' for it to be otherwise.
He kept it gentle, the way he always did with first kisses. No tongue or teeth, just brushing his lips over Finn's, first the upper, then the lower, feeling them softly yield under his.
For a moment Finn remained still, then Poe felt his hands circle about his waist and the younger man started kissing him back, imitating Poe's movements.
With a small sound, Finn pulled him in closer so their bodies were almost touching, but otherwise he seemed content to let Poe lead.
Finally Poe pulled back, nervous and now grateful that the darkness shielded him.
“Oh.”
Poe didn't know what to make of that, 'oh' covered a whole lot of territory. And Finn's tone was... neutral, so it could mean anything.
“Do you always kiss like that?” Finn asked, his tone curious and maybe a little... suspicious.
Poe licked his lips nervously.
Had Finn not liked the kiss? Was it lacking in some way from what he was used to?
“What do you mean?”
“So... gently.”
“Erm, yeah.”
Poe had never been a fan of hard or aggressive and certainly not when it came to kisses.
“Can we do that again?”
The warmth in Finn's voice did a good deal to soothe Poe's nerves.
“You liked it?”
“I loved it. It was great. Just erm... Never mind, let's do it again.”
Poe put his arms around Finn's shoulders and cupped the back of his head with one hand, as he leaned in again.
Most times Poe would get a little more... enthusiastic on his second kiss, not aggressive just passionate, but since Finn seemed to enjoy the gentleness Poe – wanting so much to please – kept his kiss that way, all soft pecks and delicate brushes. And if the small happy hums Finn gave and the eagerness with which he reciprocated was anything to go by, it was definitely the right choice.
His body was flush against Finn's and the feel of its hard, lean lines combined with the soft fragrance of sweat, salt and heat coming off the young man served to make Poe feel dizzy and breathless. He could feel how Finn began to tremble softly, the beginning of an erection pressing against Poe's crotch.
Not that he was too steady himself and his cock was definitely starting to make its own interest known. Time for a break before things got out of hand.
Poe pulled back, his breath rapid and rasping in his mouth. Finn shifted in his arms, letting his hand slide along Poe's jacket smoothing down his back as if he was trying to calm him. It didn't really have the intended effect, but Poe wasn't about to complain.
“So,” he asked. “Did you like this too?”
Finn chuckled softly.
“Fantastic.”
“Hmmm, you're making me ambitious for the next one. You might end up running out of adjectives.”
“I think I'd be okay with that,” Finn chuckled and leaned down to nuzzle Poe's neck which made to pilot gasp in surprise and pleasure. Poe hugged Finn close, enjoying the nearness.
“Poe?” Finn muttered after a few moments.
“Yeah?”
“Why are we standing in the dark?”
“Well, I could tell you it was because it's more romantic.”
“Really?” The disbelief in Finn's voice was loud and clear.
“No. I thought it would calm my nerves.”
“Did it?”
“Not really.
“Then why are we still standing here?”
“Because it's so comfortable here?”
Finn snorted.
“And because my nerves would be even worse if I could see you clearly.”
Finn laughed softly and nuzzled Poe's neck again. It seemed it might become a habit, not that Poe was complaining about that either.
“You're a strange one,” Finn said.
“Ah, but it's the strange ones that makes life interesting. Or so they say.”
“Meeting you certainly made my life interesting.”
“Hey, it was you who decided you needed a pilot, remember.”
“Mmmm, I need a pilot alright.”
Both of Finn's hands were on Poe's back now, slowly trailing up and down, and it was definitely doing things to the pilot.
“Finn?”
“Mmmm.”
“Are you always this... handsy?”
The hands stopped dead, resting just beneath Poe's shoulder blades.
“It wasn't a complaint. In fact, I like it. I was just... curious.”
Finn's hands resumed their slow caress and Poe pressed in against them in encouragement.
“I like getting my hands on people,” Finn answered his question and didn't that give Poe thoughts he probably shouldn't be having if he wanted to keep this on 'just kissing'.
He'd better change the subject before things got out of hand and he grabbed the first thought that came into his head.
“I wasn't complaining about you getting me off the Finalizer either. I'm grateful that you saved my life.”
Maybe not the best topic in the situation, but now the words were out in the open and there was no taking them back.
“We saved each other's. I wouldn't be here either if not for you.”
“I'm sure you would have found another way off.”
“I'm not. With both Kylo Ren and Hux on board? Security on that Star Destroyer was something else. I suppose I might have if I'd had time, but time was something I was pretty sure I was running out of. Fast. It was 'run now or face reconditioning'. I knew that was something I wouldn't survive.”
Poe could feel the shiver that ran through Finn's body as he spoke and Poe rubbed his shoulder, trying to comfort him.
“Listen, I'd rather not talk about it,” Finn continued. “I'm just glad I'm free, that we both are.”
Poe nodded.
“My time on the Finalizer isn't my favorite topic either.”
In fact he always tried very hard not to think of it, the nightmares were all the memories he needed.
“Sorry for ruining the mood,” he continued.
“Don't,” Finn said softly as he pulled Poe in for a hug. “Don't apologize for bringing it up. It shouldn't be some dirty secret.”
Poe hugged him back fiercely, trying to banish both his and Finn's ghosts.
He let his head rest on Finn's shoulder and he felt Finn mimic it, the younger man burying his face in Poe's neck as he tightened his grip.
Poe relaxed into the hug, and as they held each other he could feel the tension slowly draining from Finn's body as well.
They stayed like that for a time, quietly relishing the shared warmth and comfort, and when they eventually did step back, they still kept the embrace.
It was Poe who broke the silence. As much as he hated it and wanted to lighten the mood there was one question that was burning in his mind, and it needed to be answered if they were to carry on. He might as well do it now when the mood was already gone.
“Finn?”
“Mmmm.”
“How do you usually kiss? I mean, what... well, what kind of kisses have you shared?”
“I don't understand.”
A thought occurred to Poe.
“You have kissed before, haven't you?”
“What! Yes, of course I- Poe, what kind of life do you think Stormtroopers have?”
The pilot took a deep breath.
“I don't know. That's the problem, my problem. I'm sorry if it's an uncomfortable question, but I think I need to know if we're going to... do more than kiss, because I'm flying blind here. You've kissed before but... not like this?”
“No.”
Poe remained silent, giving Finn time to find the right words.
“They were... usually they pretty aggressive. Always really. At least with other troopers. Like, a... a display of dominance.” Finn sighed before continuing. “I never liked it.”
Poe lovingly caressed the young man's face and felt Finn press his cheek against the palm of his hand.
“Did you think that I...?” Poe let his words drift off not sure how to ask, or even quite what he was asking.
“Maybe. I don't know. Holos often show is differently and I've seen other people kiss, but well... you're a soldier to0, so.” Finn shrugged. “I was sort of hoping not, but...”
“But you still wanted to kiss me?”
Finn squirmed a bit in Poe's embrace.
“I thought that... if it were you, it wouldn't feel so bad. Even if...” His voice trailed off.
“Even if I were aggressive?”
“Yeah.” Before Poe could ask why in the galaxy Finn would put up with that, the young man pulled him close and pressed a soft kiss on the pilot's lips.
“You know you said that this was 'kinda a big deal for you' because you like me?”
Poe nodded.
“It's a big deal for me as well, because I like you too. A lot.”
Poe silently cursed himself for having pulled them into the shadows because right now he was desperate to see the look on Finn's face.
Oh to hell with his nerves or getting interrupted, he needed to see Finn's face right now. Needed Finn to be able to see him.
He tugged at Finn's shoulders and got them both out of the crates' shadows. The pale moon provided sparse illumination, but it was enough that he could make out Finn's features. The tender joy he found on them made him momentarily speechless.
Reaching out, he ran a hand over Finn's cheek again and let his thumb caress the cheekbone. Finn's smile widened at the touch and his eyes lit up, leaving Poe to wonder if it was actually possible to die from happiness. And when Finn put his hands around Poe's waist and pulled him close again for another kiss he thought he might at least pass out.
The kiss was every bit as gentle as the ones before, but there was a strong underlying passion this time that made his heart beat so hard he thought it might actually jump out of his chest. Finn played with Poe's lips, tenderly pulling with his own and the pilot quickly found himself far too hot and bothered.
“Stop,” he said as he turned his head away, breathing heavily. “Sorry, I need a break or this is going to escalate.”
“Okay.” Finn eased his hold on Poe, letting the pilot take a small step back. “But don't you want...”
“Sex? Not tonight. First nights are reserved for kissing.”
Finn looked at him skeptically. Poe remembered what Finn had just said about the kind of kissing he was used to and wondered what kind of sex he had had in his life.
“I'm not fragile. And I'm not a virgin either.” Finn said, his tone stubborn and firm.
No, and that's what worries me, Poe thought, but it was not what he said.
“I know, but I hate rushing. And you haven't told me what you want. From this, from me?”
Finn tugged at the hem of Poe's jacket, pulling the pilot close again and wrapping his arms around him before answering.
“A relationship. I mean, other than what we already have.”
“Boyfriends?”
“Yeah. That.”
Finn was smiling softly as he said it.
“Done,” Poe answered with a matching smile.
“Yes?”
“Yes. I have no idea what I did to deserve you or how I got this lucky, but I'm glad I did.”
“I'm not that fantastic.”
“Yes you are.”
It felt very much like Finn might be about to argue the point, so Poe decided to cut him off with another kiss. He might never be able to make Finn believe him when he told him how amazing, kind and courageous he found him, but he'd be damned if he was going to let Finn argue against it.
This kiss was slow and languid, and Finn's hand was back under his jacket, which, while it was definitely a good thing in Poe's opinion, also brought him close to the edge far too soon for his liking.
When they pulled apart Finn was as breathless as he was and his lips were looking thoroughly kissed.
“Need another break?” Finn asked.
“Yeah. Looks like you could do with one too.”
Poe let his fingers play along the nape of Finn's neck, making the young man's breath hitch.
“If you want me to calm down, that isn't really helping.”
Poe stopped, instead letting his palm rest at the top of Finn's back.
“Sorry, cariño. You look so beautiful like that.”
Finn didn't answer and silence reigned for a while. It was a comfortable silence – one born of the lack of need for words, rather than not knowing what to say.
Standing there in dim moonlight, looking at this extraordinary young man to whom he owed his life, Poe realized how deeply in over his head he had been before their lips had ever as much as touched.
Yes, he very much wanted to do this right.
Not just for Finn's sake, though Poe could think of no one who deserved it more, but for his own sake too. He wanted this to last, for a lifetime if it could. And if it couldn't, he wanted their time together to be something that Finn would always remember with joy.