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Finn hovered uncertainly outside the room that General Organa currently used as an office, staring at the closed door. He had spent the last two days picking up his courage to approach, half hoping, half fearing she'd resolve the issue by coming by med bay, but now that he was here it seemed like an increasingly good idea not to knock. To just... go back to med bay and forget the whole thing.
He had been awake for five days and on his feet for three. The first two he had spent trying to get his feet under him as his body adapted to the cybernetic spinal implant.
Dr Kalonia was pleased with how well his body was accepting the implant. Finn wasn't sure how he felt himself, it was... strange. Nothing was different from how it used to feel, no weird tingling in his feet and – after two days of adapting – not even a problem with remaining upright or walking. Heck, he could even run, he'd tried it on his way over just to see if he could, and it had gone brilliantly.
So apart from the all too visible scar on his back there was no permanent damage from his duel with Kylo Ren and that felt... odd.
As always the thought of Kylo Ren led to thoughts of Rey... and of Han Solo. The latter was part of why he wanted to speak to the general, but now that he was here he very much did not want to knock. Which was really ridiculous when he thought about it, she wasn't going to eat him no matter what the First Order had claimed about her, but no less true for all that.
The sound of approaching footsteps made him look away from the door. A cute young technician, blonde hair in buns on her head, carrying an armful of datacards, was walking towards him.
“Hi, are you speaking to the General?”
“Erm...”
“Could you give her these then?” She handed him five of the cards. Reflexively he took them from her and before he could make a protest she was on her way again.
Exhaling slowly he looked at the datacards in his hand. He certainly couldn't get out of talking to the general now.
His knock was met with a firm “Enter” from the other side and, pushing his nerves aside, he opened the door.
The chair behind the desk in the room was empty, the general instead having taken up a perch on the window sill, datapad in hand, one foot braced against the frame.
It felt... jarring. He couldn't imagine Phasma, Hux, or any other First Order officer ever sitting like that and certainly not when in the sight of common troops, but General Organa didn't seem to care in the least. She just swung her leg down and faced him fully.
She was dressed in the same type of uniform and vest that he had seen her in the last time, her hair braided and done up in a similar manner. Her face had far more lines now, but some of them smoothed away when she looked over at him, a smile forming on her lips.
“Finn, please come in.”
He held up the datacards.
“One of the base crew wanted me to give you these.”
She rose and took them from his hand, placing them on the desk.
Back in med bay he had planned out exactly what he wanted to say to her, had rehearsed the speech several times, but now that he was here he couldn't remember a single word of it. Before he could gather his thoughts, the general spoke.
“I'm glad you've come. I've been meaning to visit you, but events have been keeping me rather busy. How are you feeling?”
That wasn't the kind of question he was used to getting from high ranking officers.
“I... should be fully recovered with a week or two, according to Dr Kalonia.”
The older woman studied him closely.
“That tells me about your physical state, but not your emotional one.”
Finn wasn't sure what to tell her.
Your son tried to kill me and my friend after killing your husband, but really I'm doing fine?
That wasn't something he wanted to say out loud, but it was as close to the truth as he could come. He kept feeling that he should have some sort of reaction, but so far there had been none. Perhaps because it all seemed so surreal to him, like a dream. How could he get upset over a dream? Only it had been all too real.
“I'm not sure, ma'am.”
“Understandable. But it leads me to a pressing question. What do you plan to do next?”
“Ma'am?”
“I'm not sure if you've noticed, as you only just got back on your feet, but we're moving our base of operation. D'Qar has become exposed so we need a new hiding place. I'll not hide that I'm hoping you'll choose to remain with us, the Resistance could very much use a man with your skills and integrity, but I won't push you. Rey mentioned that you were heading to the Outer Rim before... she was kidnapped.”
Finn flexed his fingers nervously.
“Do you know where she is? Shouldn't she and Master Skywalker have been back by now?”
Under different circumstances he would never have taken that tone with a person of Leia's age and rank, but he was getting very worried for Rey. She could certainly handle herself, she had proven that beyond any question, but the First Order would still be hunting for her and for Skywalker too, especially if she had shown Jedi talent. While Finn wasn't sure where the map had taken her, Chewie and R2, she surely should have been back by now.
“If she was able to convince my brother to come straight away and they had taken the straight route here, then yes. But there's every possibility that Luke proved recalcitrant, my brother can be as stubborn as a nerf when he wants to . Or that he had... other things that needed doing first. The wait has not been unreasonable so far. But we can’t postpone moving any longer than we already have.”
“But will they be able to find us?”
If General Organa noticed the use of 'us' rather than 'you', she didn't let on.
“There are many ways of locating us if you know the right people. Surely Rey would think of contacting Maz if she needed to. And there's no place in the galaxy where my brother would not be able to find me, if he wants to.” The last words were spoken with a wry smile. “I'm sure Rey is safe, wherever she and my brother are at the moment. And it still doesn't answer my question, what do you intend to do?”
He had been thinking about just that ever since he woke up. There was still part of him – a not insignificant part – that wanted nothing more than to get as far away from the First Order as he possibly could and live the rest of his life away from them, but he wasn't sure if that was possible. They weren't the kind to stop unless someone else stopped them.
Until Starkiller Base he hadn't even thought that that was possible, that anything or anyone could stop them. They – he, Rey, Solo, Chewie, Poe and the rest of the pilots – had proven him wrong. The cost had been high, but they had won in the end.
Which was one reason why he couldn't walk away.
The other reason – which was equally important – was Rey. And Poe, and all the friends he had started to make in the few days he had been awake. He couldn't leave them to fight on their own, not as long he was still able to fight himself. No matter how afraid he still was.
Swallowing, he looked Organa straight in the eyes.
“I'd like to stay.”
She smiled.
“I was very much hoping that would be your answer.”
She moved around the desk and pulled a small metal disk with a pin on the back out of it. On the front it held the insignia of a captain's rank.
“We can sort out the details later, for now I want you to take this.”
Finn stared at her in stunned silence for a moment.
“General... I can't. I'm- listen you might have got the wrong idea. Until Jakku... I was a cadet, that was my first engagement.”
“Yes. And I've also understood that you were intended for officers training by the First Order before you so spectacularly decided that you didn't want to stay.” The wry smile was back in her voice if not on her face. “In that at least I can follow them. You have the makings of a very good officer and I intend to fully take advantage of that. You've done more and better with no officers training than many of the officers I've met over the years who had the best training the galaxy could offer.”
When Finn still hesitated she continued.
“It will probably be a while before you see field engagements. Apart from the move, we don't have the troops to confront the First Order in any way at the moment. Which is another reason I want you as an officer, you'd do well as a recruiter.”
Finn's gaze jerked away from the insignia and up to meet Organa's.
“I'm not going to lie to anyone about what signing up means.”
“Precisely. It's your honesty and integrity that I want, that I and the Resistance need.”
In the end that was what made his mind up. She wasn't asking him to betray himself or what he had come to believe in, she wasn't looking for someone she could mold into the soldier she needed. She was asking for him, for all that he was.
“Okay.”
Finn took the rank insignia from Leia's hand and pinned it on the front of his shirt. He noticed the minute movement of Leia's shoulders as she relaxed from a tension he hadn't even realized she felt.
“Thank you,” she said sincerely, then continued in a more matter of fact tone. “If you feel up to remaining on your feet for a few hours more, I would like you to start familiarizing yourself with how we run things. Logistics & Supplies would be a good place for you to start. Talk to Sheera Tifo, she's in charge. She can also provide you with a uniform.”
While she didn't say 'dismissed' the word was clear in her tone. If he was going to say what he had originally come here to tell her, now was the time.
“General I- I really came here to talk to you about... about Solo. I just wanted to say that- I'm sorry and...” the words 'I should have done something' got stuck in his throat. He knew Kylo Ren in a way that Solo hadn't. He might have known Kylo Ren long ago, when he was a boy who still went by Ben, but he had no clue about the man that he was today or he would never have tried to do what he did.
Organa crossed around the desk, stopping in front of him, and reached out and put a hand on his arm.
“There was nothing you could have done.”
“I beg your pardon General, but you weren't there.”
“I didn't have to be. I know you. You're the kind of man who will put his life in danger to protect or rescue a helpless stranger and who will run into the den of the dragon to save a friend. If there was anything you could have done to prevent Han's death, I know you would have done it in an instant.”
Finn looked down, unable to meet her eyes.
“Finn, when someone you care for, or someone you feel responsible for dies you always afterwards question yourself 'what if I had done things differently, could I have saved them?'. If you didn't, then I would worry about you.”
“I know, I know. I just-”
She squeezed his arm.
“If you're looking for my forgiveness, you have it. Please forgive yourself too. It was not your fault.”
He looked and could see the grief and self recrimination in her eyes.
“It wasn’t yours either, General,” he said softly.
Leia blinked, her eyes suddenly blank with unshed tears.
“Maybe not.” Her voice was brusque and her eyes distant as she spoke. “But it is more mine than yours.”
Then she straightened up and the moment was gone.
“I believe you have your orders, Captain,” she said with a tight smile.
Finn wished he knew what to say to her, she looked so sad beneath her smile. Instead he simply nodded.
“Yes, Ma'am.”
With a salute that made Leia raise an eyebrow at him, he turned and left her office.
Outside, the base was bathed in the bright midday sun. A large flock of birds flew overhead, chirping merrily as they went. Finn stopped for a moment to watch them, enjoying their flight.
Like all Stormtroopers, he had grown up on space ships. He hadn't set foot on a planet until he was assigned to Starkiller Base and the wildlife there had been sparse and skittish around humans. The air on D'Qar was different too, fragrant and filled with far too many scents for him to even try to identify. On the Starkiller planet it had varied between frigid and icy with a hint of conifer. D'Qar was something new. And far more pleasant than Jakku.
Rey. His thoughts went to his friend again. Be okay, you hear me. I know can whack anyone with that staff, but be safe.
Shaking his head Finn dismissed the thought and brought his mind back to the present, realizing he didn’t have the first clue where Logistics was located. He could chase around the base trying to find it on his own, but asking for directions seemed a much more efficient way to go about it. He grabbed hold of a young private hurrying by.
“Excuse me? Could you tell where Logistics and Supplies is?”
“Straight ahead. Fifth bunker on your left, sir.” With a brief nod, the private continued on his way.
Sir? It took Finn a second to process what the private had said and by then the man was long gone.
Oh, of course. The rank insignia. He had already forgotten about that. As he headed in the direction the private had given him, he let out a slow breath.
Sir. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. It was... strange and a little uncomfortable, like a reward he hadn't earned. For a moment he thought about taking it off.
No, he had accepted it so he had to deal with it. If he felt he hadn't earned it, then he would set about doing that.
Inside the bunker that held Logistics he found the tiniest twi'lek he had ever seen, dressed in a dark green coverall, her pale blue skin wrinkled with age.
“Ma'am?”
She looked up from her datapad.
“You can save the ma'am for officers. It's miss Tifo if you want to be formal about it, you soldiers always do for some reason. How about you just tell me what you want?”
She was also the grumpiest twi'lek he'd ever heard of. It appeared he had a running streak of encountering short, elderly, female aliens with a less than cheerful disposition. Idly he wondered how old she was. How old did twi'leks get?
“General Organa sent me. For a uniform. And to get acquainted with how things are run.”
Tifo's eyes ran over him once before she nodded. She jumped off her chair and waved at him to follow her.
She gathered a uniform for him in short order – jacket, shirt, pants, belt – and handed them to him. She moved with brisk efficiency and a competence that made him certain that the clothes would fit him.
“How are you at taking inventory?” she asked as she handed him a pair of boots, the last item of the uniform.
“Good.” It wasn't the most exiting work, but it was necessary and it beat the hell out of a lot of other menial tasks that cadets were given during training. So while it wasn't something he found enjoyable exactly, he was pretty good at it.
“We'll see.” She handed him a datapad. “I need a full inventory of the shelves with electronics. Start with the three furthest back against the wall. We're moving everything and I have no idea where anything is.” She continued to herself. “I can't believe Leia let things get into this state.”
Tifo looked back up at him.
“Are you still standing there?” she asked tersely, before turning away again.
Making the decision that just going about his job without further ado was probably the best course of action rather than attempting to deal with the grouchy twi'lek, Finn made his way to the back shelves to start, shaking his head as he went.
Weren't female twi'leks supposed to be ingratiating and submissive? Well, this one certainly went against stereotype. For some reason that made him grin.
An hour later he entirely agreed with Tifo, things were a mess. Just take the boxes of compressors. Half of them were open, but there were no annotations anywhere about how much had been taken from each of them. The power converters were stacked together with something that the datapad said was shield inverters, but they look nothing like any shield inverter Finn had ever seen.
Okay, this had to be done manually.
He started with the boxes.
The ones that were still sealed he assumed were full and just ticked off, though with a note that they too should be checked when someone had the time to do so just to make sure. The others he opened one by one and counted their contents, then wrote the number on the side of each box and logged it in the system before moving to the next one on the shelf. When he was done with that, he sorted the power converters and the alleged shield inverters, counting both.
All in all it took him nearly three hours to get things done and that was just those three shelves. Finn groaned softly.
The stubborn part of his mind wanted to continue, but the twinges in his back, along with the knowledge that Kalonia would likely confine him to med bay if he overdid it, made him stop.
Picking up one of the supposed shield inverters he went back to Tifo, who was busy going through bundles of wires.
“I'm done with the inventory, Ma- miss Tifo, but I have a question. Is this a shield inverter?”
She looked at the object in his hand.
“No, it's a program matrix used in R-type astromechs.”
“In that case they're stacked with the power converters for some reason. Or next to them now anyway, they were all jumbled together so I sorted them. I have no idea where the shield inverters have gone, only that they're not where they're logged to be. I suppose we'll find them as we go through this place.”
He handed back the datapad.
“I made annotations for the boxes of compressors, how many were taken from each open one so we know exactly how many we have. And you're right, this place... is a bit of a mess. Nothing we can't sort, but it'll take a bit.”
She smiled.
“Good job, Captain. Now off you go, get dinner. Come back tomorrow and we'll continue. But I don't want to see you before noon, Kalonia will have my hide if I jeopardize your recovery.”
She turned back to her task, clearly feeling no need for further conversation, so Finn silently picked up his uniform and left.
The sun had sunk low, painting the sky in reddish hues. Dinner sounded good about now, his stomach was growling, but his head was spinning from the impressions and stress of the day and the healing wound on his back was really starting to make its presence felt, so the chaos and noise of the mess hall didn't feel all that attractive. The food in med bay was a whole lot less exciting and there'd be no chance of hearing more of Jess' outlandish tales, but he'd have peace and quiet.
His thoughts were interrupted by soft beeping at his foot. Looking down he saw BB-8 excitedly whirling around itself.
“Hello there, BB-8.”
Poe couldn't be far away then, the droid hardly left his side after getting back to him.
True enough, the pilot came around the corner and broke into a bright smile at the sight of Finn.
“Hey, ready to get something to eat?”
“Erm, actually I was going back to med bay. It's been, well it's been a long day and I need to lie down. Tell the others I'm sorry. And tell Jess I really want to hear the rest of her story, just... not today.”
“Hey, you look after yourself. Listen I'll get some food from the mess and bring it over, I know what med bay food is like,” Poe grinned.
Before Finn had a chance to protest, Poe and BB-8 were off again. Shaking his head, Finn headed for his destination.
Inside his room he put the folded uniform on a chair after taking off the rank insignia and putting it on the jacket, the boots unceremoniously dropped beside it, before laying down on the bed fully clothed and stretching out, groaning softly in relief.
Maybe he had overdone it a bit?
He knew he could ask any of the people here for painkillers, but the pain wasn't so bad and... dammit it was his pain, his body.
As a Stormtrooper everything was monitored. Everything. Not just calorie intake, weight gain, muscle mass, but also things like strain, injuries. If damage was judged too severe to be allowed to heal on its own you were sent for treatment, if pain level was seen as 'too high' painkillers were administered. No need to ask for them, no choice was given in the matter.
After all, gone were the days of the Empire, where troops were casually thrown away in large number. In the First Order Stormtroopers were considered a valuable resource, so it was insured that they were in perfect working condition at all times.
So while Finn had no desire to subject himself to unnecessary pain, the low level ache in his back was a welcome reminder of his newfound freedom.
Closing his eyes he sank into the bed, enjoying simply being able to lie down when he wanted to, of resting when he felt like it.
He must have dozed off, because suddenly he jerked awake, momentarily confused about where he was.
D'Qar, Resistance Base, Med bay.
A sharp whistle came from outside his door.
“Buddy, you mind opening this? I've got my hands full.”
Finn rolled off the bed and went to open the door. Outside was Poe, two food trays in his hands.
“Dinner is served, your grace. And I would bow properly, but I'll just spill this,” Poe said, grinning widely.
He handed one of the trays to Finn.
“Mind company? I can be quiet if you need me to be, I just...” His smile softened. “I guess you heard about us moving out. The first shipment leaves tomorrow and I'll be flying escort with the rest of the remaining pilots, so it'll be a while before we can eat dinner together again.”
“Sure, come on in.”
Finn climbed back on the bed, putting the tray in his lap and started to dig into the food.
“Oh, and Jess says she'll tell you the rest of her story when we get back,” Poe continued.
“I'm looking forward to it.”
They ate in silence for a while, before Poe spoke again.
“I'm glad you've decided to stay,” he said and nodded toward the folded uniform.
“You thought I wouldn't?”
“I knew I wanted you to, but I wasn't sure if it was what you wanted. This isn't a fight everyone wants to get involved in.”
“But you think they should?”
Poe sighed and looked down, poking at his meal.
“I don't think staying neutral will remain an option for long, the First Order won't allow it.”
“And if fighting isn't an option either?”
“Resisting, fighting back, one way or another, is always an option.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “Though... sometimes the price is high.”
Finn put his tray down on the bed, reached out and put his hand on Poe's arm. The other man put his hand over Finn's and squeezed it before looking up into Finn's eyes.
“I am very glad you're staying.”
The soft smile on Poe's lips made Finn feel a whole lot warmer than the room warranted and he smiled back. The moment passed and they both went back to their respective meals.
“I suppose this means I can give you your clothes back though,” Finn offered after a moment.
The shirt and pants he was wearing belonged to Poe. The pilot had kindly lent him some after he got out of bed as the only clothes Finn had owned got ruined in the duel.
Poe grinned again.
“Nah, keep them.”
Finn cut him off before he could continue.
“Yes, I know. They suit me.”
Their shared laughter dispelled the last of the tension and sorrow, and at the end of it an easy silence descended between them.
They finished without further conversation, the silence feeling warm and comfortable to Finn. Once they were done Poe stood and gathered the trays.
“I'll let you rest, shall I?”
“Yeah, I think I'll make an early night of it. I'll see all of you tomorrow morning.”
“Don't you have somewhere to report to in the morning?”
“Nah. Miss Tifo said to not report before noon, so I have time to see you all off.”
“Tifo? You already talked to her? No wonder you're tired, I'm impressed you’re still upright.”
Finn shrugged.
“She's not that bad. Just a bit gruff.”
“If that's the impression you walked away with you must have done something that impressed her, she normally has no time for men. Of any species, though human ones in particular.”
Finn frowned. All he had done was his job, how was that particularly impressive?
Poe went on without noticing Finn's confusion.
“She was a legend in the Rebellion though, most efficient quartermaster they ever had. I have no idea where the general found her again or how she talked her in to signing back up, but I'm glad she did.”
The pilot shook his head and changed the subject.
“Alright, better get going. I want to give Black One one last check. I'll see you tomorrow before take-off then?”
Finn smiled and nodded. For a second he thought Poe might lean in and kiss him – he really wouldn't mind it if Poe did – but all the pilot did was grab Finn's shoulder and squeeze it before he left, making the young man feel vaguely disappointed.
After Poe had gone, Finn changed for the night. The sun had barely set but he felt completely worn down. His wounds might be healing rapidly and his body taking well to the implant, but recovering from a near death experience still took its toll.
He climbed into bed, rolled over on his side and looked out the window at the deepening dusk.
Finn was extremely glad that Poe was around as much as he was. The pilot had come by every chance he got from the moment he woke and the young man had a suspicion that Poe had been around even while he was still in a coma. It made everything feel little less confusing that it otherwise might have, having a familiar face to look at.
Not that talking to Jess or Snap wasn't nice. He was coming to love Jess' stories – she was the one who had told him about Rey's Jedi abilities half a day after he woke and had been regaling him with tales of the Jedi ever since. They were... very different from the ones that the First Order told. And Snap? He felt like a cross between an older relative and a stuffed bear.
Other people were rapidly accumulating in his... circle of friends? Finn wasn't sure what to call it, he wasn't used to being this popular. Or popular at all.
It was an odd thing to say, but those that side eyed him for his past were probably the ones he had the easiest time dealing with. Being looked at with that cross of grudging acknowledgment of his abilities and suspicion felt... normal.
Of course, no one said much of anything to him. And they barely dared side eye him if Poe, Snap, Jess or any of the other pilots were around. The dressing down Snap had given a major for a comment about 'the loyalties of traitors' the day before had been very impressive. A bit excessive in Finn's opinion, but impressive all the same.
Finn's thoughts turned back to Poe. The pilot seemed to be very impressed with Finn and more than a little interested, if the looks he was giving him were anything to go by. You certainly didn't look at anyone like that unless you wanted to be something more than friends and yet Poe hadn't done anything yet. Just... looked.
And flirted. Like earlier, that had definitely been flirty. But still nothing had happened at the end of it.
Finn sighed and rolled over on his back, wincing a little as he turned.
Maybe he hadn't wanted to so he didn't accidentally push Finn into staying if he hadn't wanted to? But then wouldn't he have kissed him tonight? When it was clear that Finn was staying? Or maybe he wanted to wait until Finn was back on his feet?
What would kissing him be like? He didn't like the usually aggressive kisses he'd shared with other soldiers. But kissing Poe wouldn't be like that would it? Maybe? He was still a soldier, but... Finn just couldn't imagine Poe giving him a kiss that he wouldn't enjoy. Just talking to him was enjoyable.
Finn huffed in amusement. If Poe had planned on sharpening Finn's interest he'd certainly chosen the right tactic, it was hard getting the man out of his head.
Thoughts of Poe turned to thoughts of the Resistance and his new place in it, then on to General Organa.
It was difficult connecting everything that he had been told about Organa's ruthlessness and heartlessness with the warm, tiny woman he had met. She was efficient and somewhat brusque at times, but ruthless? Well, he supposed she was to her enemies, and he was more than a little glad that he wasn't one of those. To him, though, she had been much kinder than he expected. He especially liked her eyes, they were sad but also... he wasn't sure what to call it. Maybe they reminded him of someone? Someone he had once known.
“You live long enough you see the same eyes in different people.”
Finn snorted at that memory. But yes, the child he had been before he was taken might have known someone with similar eyes. He couldn't imagine anyone in the First Order having eyes like that.
Did Skywalker share them?
There were surprisingly few holos of the man, at least that Finn had seen, and in most of them his face was covered by a hood. Though, given that the First Order heavily censored anything that their troops got into contact with, they might have tried to build an image of someone ominous and dangerous. That was certainly how they portrayed him.
But if the portrayal of Organa was off as much as it seemed to be, then he could only assume that the same was true for Skywalker's.
Still, if he hurt Rey... The girl was gonna whack him with that staff, never mind that he was a Jedi. She had held off Kylo Ren after all.
Yeah, Rey would be alright, he believed that. Didn't stop him from worrying. He'd never had friends really, not till now, and now one of them was far away and he had no idea how she was doing. That was... disquieting.
He lay awake for a while, trying to stop his spinning thoughts enough so he could go to sleep, but with no luck. If anything they kept going faster.
In the end he abandoned the attempt, sat up, turned on the light and grabbed the datapad that lay on the nightstand.
One of the things that had pleased him was finding out the Resistance had a... library, of sorts. Everyone who had something to share, a holo novel, music, holovid, put it in so others could enjoy it too. While having access to things like literature, movies and music that no one had censored first wasn't exactly new, even First Order Stormtroopers weren't always fully obedient and making something illegal always made it interesting, but to have access to these things so openly and to know that he wouldn't get in trouble if found with them? That was new.
Grinning, he flipped through the items available until he found a holodrama that looked interesting.
Turning down the volume so he didn't disturb anyone, he fluffed his pillows and settled down to watch, allowing the shenanigans of the two Durose leads in their attempt to outsmart a Hutt lead his thoughts away.