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Matt awoke to the sound of sirens blaring in the distance somewhere outside his apartment, startling him out of the deep sleep he’d been in. He took a breath, taking note of the rain pattering against his bedroom window and the soft, silky fabric of the sheets underneath his body. He reached over, tapping his alarm clock, waiting patiently as the robotic voice told him it was four-thirty-six in the morning.
A low sigh escaped him, his body aching as he slowly sat up in bed. He touched the other side of his bed, feeling the cold bed sheets in the empty space; disappointment hitting him like one of the punches thrown at him by some scumbag.
Gone again.
Matt’s shoulders sagged and he blinked, listening to the quiet pitter-patter of the rain and vaguely hoped to hear someone shuffling around out in his living room or kitchen.
There was no one though. No heartbeat, no footsteps, no breathing….nothing.
Matt tried not to let it bother him as he slowly got out of bed, quickly pulling on his underwear and shuffling to his kitchen where he silently began to brew coffee. He stood in front of the machine, body still as the smell of coffee lifted into the air when a different scent caught his attention.
Matt turned, listening briefly before walking over to his couch, his nimble fingers feeling along the top of it only to find a different fabric placed upon it. Matt swallowed thickly, his heart feeling particularly heavy tonight as he lifted the jacket left on his couch. It was familiar to his touch and smell.
Frank.
The corners of Matt’s mouth turned downward as he pulled the jacket up to his nose, taking in the familiar scent: gunpowder, some sort of cologne, and a smell strictly Frank’s.
Matt wasn’t usually one to brood over relationships, never really a guy to fully settle down especially with his double life as a vigilante, yet...he found himself constantly wondering what he was to the man named Frank Castle. There was something between them that neither man could deny; the sex was enough to prove that, but it never seemed to fail that every time after they’d fall asleep in Matt’s bed, Matt would either wake up in the morning or sometime during the night to find Frank missing.
He didn’t mind one night stands, but his nights with Frank...well...they felt different. It was nothing like ‘no strings attached,’ at least not in Matt’s mind, but...perhaps that’s how Frank saw it? The thought left a cold feeling in Matt’s stomach. He kept the jacket close to him and headed back over to the coffee machine.
He grabbed a random mug from his cabinet and set it aside, waiting patiently for the coffee to finish brewing before carefully pouring himself a cup. He took his mug and the jacket over to the couch and took a seat, listening to the sounds of the people in his apartment building all around him as his coffee cooled.
An old woman was snoring down the hall, having fallen asleep watching a soap opera, which sounded awful, so Matt tried to tune it out as his fingers absentmindedly felt along the jacket sitting in his lap.
His thoughts wandered to Frank and he wondered where the man was. What was he thinking about right now?
Matt didn’t understand their relationship, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to. Frank confused him; he couldn’t wrap his head around what the man was feeling, ever, not even when they were having sex.
Matt brought the coffee mug to his lips, blowing on it before taking a careful sip. It was soothing to feel the hot liquid travel down his throat and into his stomach. The rain outside was relaxing and it proved to be a distraction from his quiet, empty apartment as he sat there on his couch, drinking a cup of coffee at four in the morning.
He sat there for a long while, he wasn’t sure how long since he couldn’t see the time, but he guessed around an hour before he finished his coffee and set the mug in the sink to be washed later. Matt wandered back to bed, crawling under the silky sheets and large comforter with the jacket pressed against his chest. He closed his eyes, another sigh escaping him. He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep due to the coffee, but he felt like he couldn’t just sit around and do nothing for hours on end, so he might as well try and sleep again.
He turned over, facing his nightstand next to his bed, something compelling him to grab his cell phone that he rarely used unless he had to call someone. He swiped the screen, unlocking it and tapped a button that read out any notifications he may have gotten.
“One missed call and one new voicemail.” The robotic voice read out to him, much to Matt’s surprise. Why hadn’t he woken up to his phone going off? He felt along the side of his phone, taking note that someone had switched the ringer to be on silent. He clicked it back on and said in a tired voice, “Listen to voicemail.”
“You have: one new voicemail-” The robotic said in response and Matt pressed the phone to his ear, turning onto his back.
At first it was quiet and Matt wondered if the person had left a message by accident. Just as he was about to hang it up, a familiar gruff voice came through making his heart skip a beat:
“Hey, Red. It’s me, Frank….I uh….” There was a muffled sound as if Frank had adjusted the phone, “I…..look...I wanted to tell you, I’m sorry.” Matt held his breath, his heart beating rapidly at the sound of the other man’s voice, “I don’t know what I’m doing….fuck…” There was a long pause and then a huff, “Red, I think there’s something wrong with me, you see….I can’t….I can’t stop thinking about you. These nights we share together….” Another pause, “I’m such a chicken shit, ya know?” There was a brief laugh, but it sounded strained, “I leave...I leave...why do I leave? I guess it’s because I’m an asshole, eh?” Matt tried to picture Frank shaking his head, “But...perhaps it’s because you’re the first person I’ve held after my wife. Someone who I’ve shared...such intimacy with. I never thought I could feel this way again….not after her, but...then you came into my life.”
“I guess you could say I’m scared.” There was a long pause again and Matt listened intently, heart still beating rapidly, “I care about you. Although, you probably didn’t know that. I feel like I’d go to the ends of the earth for you. You make me...feel things that I haven’t felt in a long, long time.”
“You make me feel human.”
Matt’s heart nearly stopped and he sat up, the phone still pressed tightly against his ear as he listened to Frank’s gruff voice.
“I….I like the way you make me feel. I would say this in person, but….I know I’d make an excuse and run.” Another strained laugh echoed in Matt’s ear, “I was originally going to write a letter, but….then I remembered you wouldn’t be able to read it.” Frank snorted, “and like hell I was going to try and figure out how to do a letter in braille.”
“There’s something about you, Red--Matt Murdock--”
Matt’s heart thrummed, feeling heat crawl up his neck and settle on his cheeks and the tips of his ears at the sound of Frank’s voice saying his full name aloud.
“There’s something between us, something about you that I’m drawn to and I think you can feel it too or maybe I’m just hoping….” He laughed again, “I love the nights we share together,” Frank admitted, his voice growing quieter as if he was embarrassed to admit such a thing, “I love...feeling you against the palm of my hands and hearing you say my name. I love that...I can make you feel good when I usually only cause pain. I love your smile and your laugh….I love…” Frank trailed off for a minute before speaking again,
“I think I’ve fallen in love with you.”
Matt nearly dropped the phone, his heart feeling as though it’d break free from his chest. His face was burning and he felt himself smiling.
“And...and that scares the fucking shit out me,” A breathy laugh came from the other line, “I’m scared Red…..” A short pause, “I’m scared. I….I don’t…..I can’t...I can’t lose the person I love again….I just...I can’t do it.”
Matt’s chest tightened at the way Frank’s voice changed, sounding almost miserable.
“I’m terrified that if I care too much….you’ll be ripped away from me...and...I can’t…” His voice trailed off, “You’re everything I’m not, Matt…and you’re someone I want to protect. Someone I want to call mine.”
“But...how can I do that?”
Matt bit his bottom lip, brow creasing, “How...how do I….I ….”
There was yet another long pause, one so long Matt briefly thought the message ended, but the robotic voice hadn’t come one telling him so.
“I’m sorry.”
“I just….”
“I want you to know…….”
“I love you, Matt Murdock.”
Matt nearly choked on a breath of air.
“See you around, Red.”
“End of message, to save the voicemail, press one, to delete this message press-” Matt tuned out the robotic voice as his mind went racing with the words spoken over the phone, which slipped from his grasp, falling to his lap.
“Frank…” He mumbled, cheeks burning and everything feeling too hot.
Matt threw off the comforter wrapped around him and covered his face with the palms of his hands. The confession having been….so much to take in. He gulped, heart never stopping, running a marathon.
Matt let his hands fall from his face and bolted out of bed, throwing on some sweats, an old t-shirt and running shoes. He pulled on Frank’s jacket, the smell enveloping him as he hurried out of his apartment, being sure to grab his tinted shades and walking stick. He stuck his shades on his face, but hid his walking stick inside Frank’s coat as he hurried out of his apartment complex and out onto the streets.
Matt was running down the street, the cars zooming past muffled as he listened for any sign of Frank. He had to find him--needed to find him. He focused, skidding to a stop at the corner of the sidewalk, near a crosswalk and breathed heavily, turning this way and that, trying to pin-point Frank Castle.
He crossed the street, running in a random direction until he nearly crashed into a pole when his sensitive ears caught a familiar strong heartbeat nearby. Matt stopped, cocking his head and listening intently. He rounded a corner a second later and stumbled into a dinky apartment complex, sensing Frank somewhere close.
He took the stairs two at a time until he reached the third floor, breathing heavily as he fast walked down a hallway, listening and following that strong heartbeat until he came to a halt in front of a door.
Matt hesitated.
Frank was definitely inside and seemed to be listening to late night jazz music playing on the radio. He stood there for a moment, studying the sounds of Frank shuffling around inside the apartment; Matt even heard the clinking of a dog’s collar and Frank’s muffled voice say something to the dog.
Matt swallowed thickly, a nervous feeling flitting over him as he fisted his hand and lifted it, hovering it over the door. He took a deep breath and went for it, rapping on the door three times. He heard Frank’s movements stall, going still and quiet as the dog inside let out a loud bark. Matt put his hand back down to his side, listening as Frank grabbed something off a table and then slowly approach the door.
However, it didn’t open and Matt heard the distinctive sound of a gun cocking. His eyes widened behind his tinted shades and he braced himself as the door clicked, slowly opening. Matt licked his lips, the nervous feeling never fading as he heard the apartment door swing open a little.
“F-Frank.” Matt spoke, stuttering over his name, his hands slightly trembling at his sides.
“Oh my fucking--” Frank swore, relief flooding over his words and Matt noted the skip in Frank’s heart rate, “I almost fucking shot you, Red.”
“I know.”
Frank stared at him, narrowing his eyes as he uncocked the gun, putting it in the waistband of his jeans. “Wha….What are you doing here? How did you find me?” Frank frowned, although he tried to control his heart racing in his chest at the sight of the other man.
“I heard you.” Matt said in simple terms, “And…..” He hesitated, “I got your voicemail.”
Matt heard Frank’s pulse sky rocket and his body temperature steadily rise. Frank was quiet before clearing his throat and muttering, “Come on in.”
Matt curtly nodded and stepped inside the tiny apartment, the dog sitting on the couch jumping down to greet Matt.
“You kept the dog.” Matt stated as the pitbull cautiously sniffed him. Frank nervously scratched the back of his head.
“Uh, yeah….he...yeah.”
“Does he have a name?” Matt asked, lightly petting the dog on his head, his fur silky and soft.
“I’ve just been calling him...Boss..” Frank mumbled, watching as Matt pet the dog, who seemed to take a quick liking to the vigilante. Matt smiled, thinking the name fit the dog quite well.
A short silence fell between them and Matt sensed that Frank was waiting for something. Matt turned, facing Frank, finished with petting the dog, who seemed satisfied and jumped back up on the couch, curling up into a ball and falling asleep.
Matt took a step forward toward Frank without a word and very slowly as though he would scare Frank away, placed his hands on the sides of his face, his fingers feeling his sharp features and prominent cheek bones. Frank was still, frozen in place and eyes wide as he watched Matt and felt his soft hands trail against his cheeks. He almost leaned into the touch, but stopped himself, a strange warm feeling humming against his skin. He didn’t expect Matt to come all the way here after hearing that embarrassing voicemail he almost regretted leaving for the man. He hadn’t planned on Matt showing up so soon. Wasn’t prepared to face him just yet.
Both were quiet as Matt leaned forward, closing the gap between Frank and himself. His lips brushed against Frank’s, the familiar curve of them drawing Matt in. He slowly put more pressure into the kiss, letting it drag out slow before Matt parted, leaving their lips barely inches apart.
Frank let out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding and opened his eyes, staring at the blind man holding his face in place. “What was that for?” He asked, his voice rough and quiet in Matt’s ears.
“I….” Matt breathed against Frank’s lips, “I’m scared too.”
Frank blinked, swallowing thickly at the confession.
“What we do….” Matt continued, voice steady, “It’ll probably kill us one day. We’re dangerous together...like a ticking time bomb ready to detonate at any possible moment….”
Frank didn’t understand where he was going with his statement, so he stayed quiet, watching Matt and studying the features of his face besides the tinted shades covering his eyes.
“Yet...I find it comforting to think that….I have a shot at...spending my time here in this world with you.”
Frank lifted his hand, slowly reaching up and peeling the tinted shades from Matt’s face, revealing vacant, but beautiful brown eyes. Matt subconsciously tilted his head downward, directing his eyes away from Frank’s face, slightly insecure about his eyes and their supposedly blank stare. He let his hands slowly slip down to Frank’s broad shoulders.
“I thought….I meant nothing to you.”
Frank’s eyes widened and it was his turn to grab Matt by the shoulders, “No!” He exclaimed suddenly, “I….” He hesitated, the sentence trailing off, “I never meant…..”
“I was afraid of falling for you, still am...actually....” Matt admitted, licking his lips before continuing, “Since I thought my feelings would be….one-sided, despite our...nights together.”
“I’m relieved, though,” Matt continued, a small smile gracing his lips, “Frank, I think I’m in love with you.”
Frank’s heart rate skyrocketed to an alarming speed and without another word, Frank surged forward, capturing Matt’s lips with his own, much more passionate than the hesitant one before. Frank’s hands found the back of Matt’s neck and he pulled the vigilante closer, pressing their bodies together.
Matt pulled back a moment later, panting as he pressed their foreheads together, a smile appearing on his face, heart racing and body temperature rising. “I love you…...I love you……...I love you….” Matt whispered in a hushed voice only meant for the ears of Frank Castle, who slowly began pressing brief kisses against his lips between each of those three words whispered to him before pulling back, still holding Matt gently by the face and back of his neck.
“I love you so damn much.” Frank whispered back, his voice rougher and deeper, vibrating against Matt’s skin and sending shivers down his spine as he felt Frank’s lips travel down his jawline and then against his neck. “Despite bein’ fucking terrified, I love you, Matt Murdock.”
Frank pushed Matt until he had his back to a wall, burying his face against the vigilante’s neck, feeling the rapid pulse there. As Frank pampered Matt’s neck with kisses, trailing up and down, Matt spoke, breathing heavily, “Will you stay with me, Frank…..Be with me…despite who we both really are?”
The ex-marine pulled away from his neck, pressing another long, passionate kiss into Matt’s mouth before whispering the promise,
“For as long as you want me to.”