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There are twenty minutes left in his Youtube video on solving integrals. 

Twenty minutes between Megumi and spending the rest of the evening curled up with a mug of tea and the new book Yuuji had brought him back when he was away on a mission last week. Twenty minutes before he can finally take off his noise cancelling headphones for the first time in hours. 

Twenty minutes left of studying for the day, when suddenly the voice coming through his headphones is no longer an old man droning on and on about math, but a peppy young woman he doesn’t recognize. 

Hey guys, gals, and non-binary pals! Welcome back to my channel. As you can probably tell from the title of the video, this week we’ll be talking about how to tell your gay crush that you like them. 

What the fuck?

He didn’t do that. There was no way.

Megumi looked over at his computer, the old man frozen mid-sentence, while this new voice prattled on in his ear.

Now your first gay crush can feel extra intimidating to approach. I certainly remember mine –

Who the hell watches a YouTube video on how to talk to their gay crush? And why were they using his headphones to do it?

From the other side of his bedroom wall, Megumi hears a muffled “Huh?” followed by some shuffling. The audio in his ear pauses.

Megumi sits stock-still in his seat. Did that mean …

But enough about me and my first gay crush! We’re here for your first gay crush. The most important thing to remember is –

The audio pauses again, this time accompanied by what is undeniably Yuuji groaning “Oh come on!” from the other side of the wall.

Oh.

Yuuji was trying to watch a YouTube video on how to talk to your first gay crush. 

Did that mean Yuuji was gay?

Obviously that’s what that meant. Watching a video on how to talk to your first gay crush isn’t exactly a straight activity. Allyship only covers so much. 

Had Yuuji always been gay? 

If he was, he certainly hadn’t told Megumi about it. Megumi had always hoped Yuuji was gay. Since, you know, the less straight people he had to be around the better. Obviously.

But, still, why hadn’t he wanted Megumi to know he was gay?

Whatever. 

It’s not a big deal. It’s fine. So. Totally. Fine. 

If Yuuji wanted to go to look for answers from strangers online instead of talking to one of the many real life gay people at Jujutsu Tech – including the one right here on the other side of the wall – that was his choice. 

It definitely wasn’t any of Megumi’s business. 

So what if his best friend hadn’t told him he was gay? So what if Yuuji didn’t mention that he had a crush on someone? So what if —

That open and direct communication with your gay crush is always going to be better than beating around the bush. 

Megumi turns his headphones off and plays the last twenty minutes of his YouTube video out loud.

/////

Everything is exactly the same as it always is at breakfast the next morning. 

Yuuji brewed Megumi a fresh pot of coffee and made him scrambled eggs like he always did. Yuuji sat across from him at the table like he always did. Yuuji asked if Megumi had sweet dreams last night like he always did. 

Everything is exactly the same except for Megumi, who cannot for the life of him figure out who Yuuji’s first gay crush is. 

He tried not to think about it and give Yuuji the privacy he so clearly wanted. But he couldn’t help it. His brain just kept showing him Yuuji out on dates with random other men in a desperate attempt to try to piece together who his best friend’s gay crush could possibly be. 

He was tossing and turning all night thinking about it. 

Not that it even did him any good, because none of the men Megumi imagined came anywhere close to being good enough for Yuuji.

They were all fine on the surface. Smiling at him like idiots and blushing pathetically. Bringing Yuuji flowers and chocolates and holding the door for him like it was the 1950s. 

But Megumi saw through them. 

They were all shallow. Every last one of them. They only cared about what Yuuji could offer them – not knowing that it’s the people who take care of everyone else so easily that need that care themselves most. Besides, they could never understand him the way that Megumi could. They could never truly –

“Fushiguro, are you mad at me?” Yuuji asks timidly. 

“What?” Megumi startles, remembering that he is in fact in public. He scoffs, “No.”

“Ok,” Yuuji relaxes, “You’re just staring at me really intensely and you look kinda angry, so –”

“I’m not angry,” Megumi interrupts.

“You sound angry.”

“I’m not angry!”

“You sound angry.” 

Megumi turns toward the new voice as Yuuta makes his way into the kitchen. 

“That’s what I said! See . Yuuta agrees with me.” Yuuji taunts, sticking his tongue out at Megumi. 

Yuuta.

That’s … new.

How long had that been going on? 

It must’ve been something recent. Megumi definitely would’ve noticed if it had happened around him earlier. Had they been on a given name basis for a while, but just in secret?

No, not likely. Yuuji was a horrible liar. It wasn’t hard to tell when he was hiding something. 

That’s what he wants to think at least. Megumi wants to believe that he and Yuuji are honest with each other. That they tell each other about things — even when it’s embarrassing or hard. Like, Yuuji hadn’t hesitated to barge into his room last week and regale him with the saga of how he’d ripped his uniform jacket trying to reach inside a vending machine after his snack got stuck and needed to borrow one of Megumi’s for the day. Or to sneak in late at night, eyes glued to the floor and nails picked down to the quick, and ask Megumi to visit his grandfather’s grave with him on the first anniversary of his passing. 

And even if there is something on Yuuji’s mind that he just isn't ready to talk about yet, Megumi would know without Yuuji needing to spell it out for him. He’d be able to tell that something was off and would go to his room and just exist next to him so at least he wouldn’t have to go through it alone. And Yuuji would do — has done — the same for him. They just get each other. 

But that’s two things he’s found out Yuuji was hiding from him in twelve hours. So maybe he doesn’t know Yuuji as well as he thought he did. Maybe Yuuji doesn’t think Megumi is his best friend the way that Megumi thinks Yuuji is his. 

He doesn’t want to dwell on it. He wants to pretend everything is normal and he feels exactly the same as he did yesterday. And, like, a frog in a pot of boiling water can pretend that everything is fine, but that doesn’t change the fact it’s slowly dying inside.

Yuuji is his best friend, but still calls him Fushiguro and not Megumi. But Yuuta gets to come along after not being here their first year and get that right away. 

It made sense that Megumi and Yuuta were on a given name basis. They’d been friends since before Megumi even came to Jujutsu Tech. Gojo had let him shadow Yuuta on a couple missions he definitely shouldn’t have when Megumi was still at Saitama Urami East. 

There’s history there. 

This on the other hand has no precedent. 

But it’s obviously different so something had to change … something …

Wait. 

Could this mean that Yuuta was Yuuji’s first gay crush?!

A sharp thwwck noise yanks him out of his own head as the chopsticks in his hand snap and splinter.

“Whoa!” Yuuji startles, flinching away from the small pieces of wood now raining down around them. Then he looks at Megumi with so much gentleness and understanding that it turns his stomach into knots.

“It’s ok, Fushiguro. It happens. Let me get you some more.” 

Yuuji’s smile could single handedly power any solar energy plant in all of Japan. He starts gathering up the little pieces of wood scattered across the table, dutifully holding his hand out for Megumi to pass him the few pieces he’d picked up himself. 

Megumi can’t meet his gaze and he knows that Yuuji notices, but pretends not to. It’s a quick trip to and from the utensil drawer. Not nearly enough time for Megumi to collect himself before Yuuji is back, smiling down at him again.

“Here you go.” 

When he holds them out for Megumi to take he realizes Yuuji picked a metal pair so Megumi couldn’t accidentally break any more chopsticks. Megumi accepts them with a silent nod. Their hands graze as he does and it’s stupid but it does somehow make him feel a little less like the world is gonna end.

And Yuuji knows this because Yuuji knows him. So as soon as he’s no longer holding chopsticks he rubs small circles in the center of Megumi’s back. The contact and the warmth from Yuuji’s hand makes him feel a little more like a real person.

Unperturbed by everything he just walked into, Yuuta takes a seat at the table next to Yuuji. All Megumi can do is watch how well they get along and how easy their banter is and it’s written all over both of their faces that it’s just a matter of time until they’re PDA-ing all over campus and Megumi inevitably has to transfer to the Kyoto school to avoid feeling nauseous every time he steps out of his room.

It’s clear as day. Yuuji has a crush on Yuuta. And that is completely and utterly fine. 

/////

Megumi doesn’t talk to Yuuta for three days after finding out he’s Yuuji’s first gay crush.

He’s not doing it on purpose. But every time he thinks about reaching out he feels like he wants to punch something and just doesn’t exactly feel like being around other people right now. It wouldn’t be fair to them.

It’d be one thing if Yuuta had actually done something wrong, but he hadn’t. He’d been his normal good natured, kind, considerate, thoughtful self which of course Yuuji had fallen for. That’s just how it was and Megumi had to accept that. 

Yuuji has a crush on Yuuta. 

He doesn't like feeling like a bad friend. He wants to be happy for them. Maybe it’d get a little easier when the words “Yuuji has a crush on Yuuta” didn’t taste like bile and make his insides all —

“Megumi, I know you’re in there.”

He sighs loudly, not caring if Yuuta hears, already making his way to the door.

“Hey,” Yuuta greets warmly when Megumi finally opens it. 

“Hi.”

Megumi makes no effort to continue the conversation. Not looking forward to anything to come. Yuuta, on the other hand, is apparently here to do the exact opposite.

“Are you feeling alright?”

“I’m fine,” he lies. 

Yuuta, of course, notices.

“You’ve been cooped up in here for days so you’re either sick or something is bothering you and you don’t look sick.” 

“Just sick in the head,” Megumi grumbles. 

It was pointless to deny it. Not to Yuuta. He already knows Megumi is lying and has also spent enough time with Maki that he doesn’t have a problem calling Megumi out when he’s being irrational. Definitely much gentler than Maki would, but still.

Yuuta wasn’t exactly high on Megumi’s list of people he wanted to see right now. Not because of anything he’d done, but of things he was going to do. Like steal his best friend from him.

But he’s standing in the doorway and they both know he isn’t gonna leave until he’s satisfied that Megumi isn’t depressed or plotting something. 

“I’d ask if you want to talk about it, but that’s pointless since we both know you don’t.”

“Then why are you here?” Megumi challenges.

“Because I think you wanna tell me anyway.”

And, like, yeah he did want to talk about it because he can’t talk about it with Yuuji and he needs to talk about it with someone because right now he feels like he’s gonna explode. But he also doesn’t wanna talk about it with Yuuta so they’re kinda at a stalemate on that front. 

“Or I can go get Yuuji if –”

Megumi doesn’t mean to flinch. He really doesn’t. But it fucking happened anyway because if hearing it inside his own head is bad enough, having other people remind him in any small way of how close Yuuta and Yuuji are now just fucking sucks. 

“Ah.”

Yuuta noticed. 

Well, duh. Of course he did. It wasn’t exactly subtle. Megumi might as well be wearing a neon sign that says ‘Ask me why I’m upset my best friend didn’t tell me he had a crush on our mutual friend’.

It’s inevitable. Yuuta came here to call Megumi out for being a bad friend to him and Yuuji and it’s gonna be weird and awkward and they’re both gonna hate him and –

“You know Yuuji and I were talking about you the other night.”

What the fuck?

A small bit of spilt catches in his throat. He does his best to swallow it down, but it ends up sounding like a cross between a cough and a growl.

“You were?”

Yuuta chuckles a little and it’s Not Helping. “Yeah. He wanted some advice so we talked about … something.”

Obviously, that something was personal to one or both of them because Yuuta is not offering it up. 

Had Yuuji already confessed to Yuuta? Did Yuuta come here to tell him that he and Yuuji were boyfriends now because if he did Megumi might as well have Gojo expedite him a passport because even Kyoto isn’t far enough away from – 

“He even ended up giving me some tips on how to ask Toge out.” Crimson blush creeps across Yuuta’s cheeks and down his neck. “I’m feeling a lot less nervous now. I think I’m gonna do it next week.” 

Oh…

Megumi’s an idiot.

If he’d actually spent two seconds thinking about it, it would’ve been crystal fucking clear that nothing could’ve ever happened between Yuuji and Yuuta. Yuuta has been talking about Toge to him since he was studying abroad during Megumi’s first year. He’s had a crush on him since forever, so even if Yuuji confessed to Yuuta it never would’ve gone anywhere. Megumi’s pretty sure he’s even overheard Yuuta talking to Yuuji about Toge too, now that he really thinks about it.

Honestly, the fact that it’s taken Yuuta this long to do something about it is kinda embarrassing. But at least there’s a plan in place now and Toge clearly makes Yuuta happy, which in turn makes Megumi happy. 

“That’s great, Yuuta. I’m really happy for you. He’ll definitely say yes. He’d be an idiot not to.”

Yuuta goes all quiet and flustered the way he does, but eventually they fall into easy conversation. It’s like no time has passed, but it has because Megumi wishes he’d been able to talk to his friend all week and not be weird. 

Several hours come and go. Eventually Yuuta needs to go back to his room and start on some homework. With him gone, Megumi can finally focus on the massive piece of intel he got.

Yuuta cannot be Yuuji’s gay crush because Yuuta likes someone else and Yuuji has been previously made aware of that. Which means that Yuuji’s gay crush is still out there.

So if Yuuta isn’t the gay crush, then who could it be?

/////

He needs to start coming at this with data. 

Megumi knows Yuuji better than anyone. If he just took a second to actually think this through, he could figure this out in no time.

He’d ruled out Yuuta, so that just left Toge from the other Tokyo students that Yuuji had met. But now that Megumi was actually using his brain, it was obvious that Toge was just as hopelessly in love with Yuuta as Yuuta was with him. And Yuuji knew that, so obviously Toge couldn’t be the gay crush. 

That only left the Kyoto students that had been here for the exchange event – so Kamo, Todo, and Muta.

It’s not exactly a lot of people to choose from. Perils of trying to date at a school whose total enrollment never enters double digits, but it can’t be helped. Megumi also doesn’t get to see Yuuji interact with the Kyoto students ever, which definitely makes it hard to tell if he’s engaging with any of them in a pining like manner.

It’s not easy, but this is important. Megumi has to figure out who Yuuji’s gay crush is. The not knowing is driving him insane and he can’t take much more of this. There has to be a way. He can do this. He just needs to think of something. Anything. Some way to …

Wait .

The video. That YouTube video Yuuji had been watching that started all this. Megumi hadn’t seen it, but he’d heard the voice and part of the opening. If he heard it again, he’d definitely recognize it. Maybe if he could find the video and watch it, there’d be some piece of advice in it that would be specific enough that if Megumi saw Yuuji do it in real life he’d know for sure that he was doing it in a trying to get close to your gay crush way.

So against his better judgement, Megumi opens his laptop, goes to the YouTube search bar, and types ‘how to talk to your first gay crush’. 

He scrolls past the first few thumb nails, the people in them not matching the kind of voice he heard or video titles not quite what he’d overheard. Eventually he finds one titled “Telling Your First Gay Crush You Like Them 101” with a very enthusiastic woman in the thumbnail, which seems as good a place to start as any. 

His thumb hovers over the play button before he decides he should probably put headphones on if he was going to watch this. Can’t risk Yuuji overhearing it through the walls and getting suspicious. 

He snags his bluetooth headphones off his desk, turns them on, then hits play on the video. 

The screen is definitely changing and the person’s lips are definitely moving, but there’s no sound coming out. Weird. He tries turning the volume on his computer all the way up – then all the way down then back up again – and still nothing. He even repeats the whole process, but with the volume buttons on his headphones and it’s still silent.

Eventually, he decides to just turn the headphones off and then back on again and that seems to do the trick – a very familiar, very upbeat voice playing through his headphones.

Hey guys, gals, and non-binary pals! Welcome back to my channel. As you can probably tell from the title of the video, this week we’ll be talking about how to tell your gay crush that you like them. Now your first gay crush –

He skips past this part, having already heard most of it. Besides that’s not why he’s here.

It’s not like Megumi has a gay crush and is trying to figure out how to say that he likes him. This is about Yuuji.

Unfortunately for Megumi, the advice in the video is all pretty standard issue. Just obvious stuff like asking mutual friends for advice, trying to spend time with your crush one on one, being extra kind and helpful to them. Besides, Yuuji is a kind person and just does all of that stuff anyways.

Hell, he’d done all those things for Megumi in the last like two days alone. He’s just like that .

This is getting out of hand.

Megumi just needs to suck it up and talk to Yuuji. All he has to do is think logically about a plant to get Yuuji to talk about his gay crush with him. Something super subtle and natural. 

He can do this. He just needs to take his time, think it over, and he’ll figure it out.

/////

The at least twenty four hours Megumi had been banking on to hype himself up for this conversation turns into roughly two hours because within ten minutes of Megumi finishing the YouTube video, Yuuji texts and asks if he wants to come to his room to watch a movie and hang out tonight. Yuuji makes it very clear that it’s going to be just the two of them, which makes it kind of the perfect opportunity for him to surreptitiously ask Yuuji about his gay crush. 

So approximately one hundred and twenty minutes of pacing around his room later, Megumi knocks on Yuuji’s door. 

He’s put a surprising amount of preparation into a casual, spur of the moment movie night. 

His room is clean, first of all. Like, spotless. There’s no random piles of laundry waiting to be cleaned or stacks of manga threatening to topple over on every flat surface. It even smells like lemongrass. Did he light incense?

There are small lamps that Megumi is pretty sure are Nobara’s in the corners of his room that envelop the whole space in the kind of warm light that makes him want to curl up with a fresh mug of tea. Which Yuuji must somehow have predicted because there’s a cup of hot lemon ginger tea in his favorite mug waiting for him on the nightstand next to his side of the bed. 

Yuuji even stole them an extra blanket from the common room. One of the waffle knit ones too — not one of the fleece ones Megumi is always complaining about. 

“Thanks for coming, Fushiguro. It really means a lot.”

“Of course,” Megumi nods, a bit taken aback by how earnest Yuuji seems right now. His voice is bursting with a tenderness Megumi can’t quite place. They’re just watching a movie together. They do this all the time. 

It’s probably just his own nerves about bringing up Yuuji’s gay crush getting to him. Making him imagine things. 

Yuuji pulls back the blanket for Megumi and makes sure he’s all settled before going around and getting under it on the other side. Sharing the blanket puts them closer than normal — thighs and shoulders pressed against each other.

Megumi keeps waiting for Yuuji to shift or adjust so they aren’t touching anymore. But it doesn’t happen, the prolonged contact making Megumi’s head spin. 

It’s hard to tell if the movie is painfully average or if Megumi is just too distracted to properly focus on it. His mind always wandering back to Yuuji in one way or another. 

If he’s gonna go crazy from the way Yuuji’s body feels pressed against him or go crazy from trying to figure out how to ask Yuuji about his gay crush, he might as well pick the crazy that can help him out of the “Yuuji’s first gay crush” induced haze he’s been in this week. 

He takes a deep breath, voice just above a whisper when he finally finds it. 

“Itadori, what kind of gu-” Megumi catches himself a millisecond before saying the word ‘guys’, which he can’t say since Yuuji hasn’t mentioned liking guys before and he doesn’t want to get side tracked by that conversation, “ people do you uhm … like?”

God, this was so humiliating. He can feel his whole face and neck going red. This was dumb. He could figure this out on his own. He should – 

“What kind of like? Like friendship like or …”

Yuuji trails off, looking at him with those big stupidly endearing doe eyes that could lead him to places he wouldn’t go at gunpoint. Damn idiot, always making things harder than they need to be. 

“Not that. The uhm other one.”

“The other like?” Megumi watches as what he’s really asking finally clicks for Yuuji. “You mean like romantically?”

“Yeah. That one.” Megumi nods in a way that he hopes is casual and noncommittal, but knows deep down cannot possibly be. 

“Oh.” Yuuji blushes slightly, fidgeting with the edge of the blanket they’re sharing. It’s hard for him to look Megumi in the eyes, clearly bolstering himself for whatever he’s about to say next. “Well, I’ve actually been thinking about that a lot recently.”

“You have?”

He’s so taken aback by Yuuji’s bluntness he doesn’t have a chance to hide the shock coloring his words. Maybe he should’ve been expecting it – leave it to Yuuji to always say exactly what’s on his mind. 

Could this really be happening? Is he actually going to talk about it? 

“Yeah. I’m really glad you asked actually.” 

This is it. Yuuji is finally going to tell him about his first gay crush. Even though he’s the one about to reveal a secret, he’s annoyingly composed. A little smiley and giggly, but nothing too out of the ordinary for him.

Meanwhile Megumi is nervous enough for the both of them. He’s had to wipe his palms on his pant legs twice already and they’re still covered in sweat. Bringing himself to look at Yuuji is also fully out of the question – staring at the wall behind him as close as Megumi can manage. 

“I’ve always liked people who are tall. And I’ve always been an ass guy. But recently, I can’t stop thinking about this one … person. He’s, ” 

The word he is heavily emphasized. Megumi knew it was coming so he’s unphased by it, his easy acceptance of Yuuji’s queerness letting the other boy relax – newfound relief and confidence settling over him as he keeps talking. 

“Kinda quiet. Especially at first. Honestly, I was a little scared of him when we first met. But now that I’ve gotten to know him better he’s really smart and strong and thoughtful and caring.” 

Yuuji’s voice is so soft and reverent and Megumi is going to vomit.

“He’s got blue eyes and dark hair. Kind of a lot of dark hair actually. He’s a little older than me.”

It’s Kamo.

The gay crush is Kamo fucking Noritoshi. 

He’s a perfect match for Yuuji’s description. He’s tall with lots of dark hair and blue eyes. He’s got this quiet brooding thing going on that can be intimidating when first meeting him. He’s older than Yuuji.

Personally, Megumi has no idea what Yuuji sees in him because in addition to being all those things Kamo is also pompous and arrogant and incredibly fucking irritating. 

But Yuuji seems so happy. So hopeful. Megumi can’t take that away from him. He can try to be supportive. 

“That’s…”

Yuuji hangs onto the silence with bated breath. Waiting for Megumi to be the kind of friend Yuuji is. Encouraging and optimistic and excited for him and …

He can’t do it. 

“I need to go.” 

He throws back the blanket, eyes hot and heart racing, and bolts. 

/////

Of course it had to be Kamo. 

He’d always been competitive with Megumi and now here he was taking Megumi’s best friend away from him without even trying. All effortlessly cool and confident and absolutely insufferable. 

Megumi had promised himself after he found out who the gay crush was that he would try to be happy for Yuuji. He doesn’t want to feel as on edge as he does right now. He’s gutted that he hasn’t been able to spend as much time with Yuuji recently, but every time they’re together all Megumi can think about is Yuuji inevitably replacing him with Kamo. 

It feels like all the cells in his body have been replaced with little sticks of dynamite, burning and exploding and tearing him apart. But if that’s what he has to push past to keep Yuuji in his life, then he’ll find a way. He misses his best friend. And if this made him happy … then Megumi could try. 

Well, really, had to try felt more appropriate since the Kyoto students were visiting Tokyo this week for a series of training workshops happening here that they’d all be doing together. Which means Kamo will actually be in Tokyo this week instead of where he belongs — hundreds of kilometers away from Yuuji. 

Yeah. This whole trying to be happy for Yuuji thing was gonna be way harder than he thought. 

Unable to drag his feet any longer without being late, Megumi finally makes his way to the training pitch. It seems like he’s the last one to arrive. Everyone else chatting and catching up in small groups. 

Maki and Mai bicker back and forth, with Nobara and Momo ready to jump in should one of them go too far. Todo talks animatedly to a very confused looking Yuuta while Toge observes silently. Panda and Muta are embroiled in some sort of heated debate while Yuuji and —

Shit. 

There on the far side of the pitch, Kamo is sitting on the ground while Yuuji is propped up on his knees behind him and is fucking braiding Kamo’s hair. 

The same long, dark hair that Yuuji told him was one of the things he liked about Kamo just days ago. 

They’re talking and Yuuji is all warm laughter and bright smiles. Which makes no sense at all because no way in hell is anything Kamo said that funny. He’s got a stick up his ass the size of Tokyo Tower. He might as well just — 

“Hey, is everything ok?”

Megumi startles as Yuuta materializes by his side, voice laced with concern. 

“You look kind of … well, miserable if I’m being honest.”

Megumi grimaces at the intrusion, but doesn’t get a chance to reply because strapped to Yuuta’s back, as always, is his katana. 

And sometimes things you see everyday catch your attention just different enough to feel like something totally new. Today is one of those days, because when Megumi sees Yuuta’s katana he gets an idea. It’s a stupid idea really. Incredibly rash and idiotic if he’s being honest. Something he really should let stay an idea and absolutely not do. 

But …

“Yuuta, your katana is filthy.”

Yuuta — whose sword is never anything less than freshly polished — is, of course, appalled. 

“What’re you talking about? No it isn’t.” He looks so hurt at the implication that he isn’t taking care of his weapon that Megumi almost feels bad for lying. Almost. 

“Yeah, there’s a huge grease stain on it.”

“Where?”

A completely reasonable question since the katana is safely in its sheath and Megumi has no way of seeing the actual blade right now. But more worried about the metal potentially rusting than any sort of logic, Yuuta pulls his katana out of its sheath and begins diligently inspecting it. 

Perfect. 

“No, you’re not looking at the right spot. Give it here.” Megumi insists, reaching for the katana — much to Yuuta’s chagrin. 

“Hey, wait —”

Megumi’s no actor and an even worse liar, but he puts on the performance of a lifetime fumbling with the katana. Making sure that when he accidentally loses his grip it accidentally goes flying toward Kamo’s nearly fully braided hair. 

Yuuta calls, “Watch out!” Right as the katana hits the top of its arc. 

Megumi isn’t worried. He knows Yuuji has good instincts and his reflexes are not to be underestimated. He could effectively dodge the blade with half the notice. 

The katana strikes true. 

No one is hurt — Yuuji jerking his hands and arms out of the way well before the katana falls to the ground and Kamo having the good sense to not flinch backwards at Yuuta’s warning. 

The only victim is Kamo’s hair. The vast majority of it sliced off and littering the ground between him and Yuuji — a choppy, severely misshapen bob all that remains. 

Everyone on the pitch stands frozen. Leaves rustling in the wind the only sound for kilometers as they all wait to see who’s going to respond first. 

Yuuta is the one to finally break the silence, words spilling out of him as if beyond his control. 

“Oh my god, are you two alright? I’m so sorry. I thought I had a better grip on it. I swear it was an accident. I can umm cut off some of my hair too? Would that uhm —”

Kamo finally grits out a tight, “It’s. Fine.” Before standing and dusting off the stray hairs from his neck and shoulders.  

It’s definitely a lie. Kamo is seething . Megumi can’t even blame him — his hair looks worse than he could’ve hoped for when he sent the katana flying. It’s like someone gave a lawnmower to a blind antelope and said “Figure it out”. 

But in a stroke of pure luck Megumi does not deserve, Kamo couldn’t see anything that happened before the katana was airborne since Yuuta and Megumi were standing behind him. And because it’s Yuuta’s weapon and he was the one to apologize, Megumi gets off scot-free. He takes the boone for what it is and says nothing. 

Yuuta has more than an ounce of survival instincts and backs away, giving Kamo some space to cool off. Yuuji does the same, leaving Kamo to mourn the dark strands he’s now collecting and looking longingly at and coming to stand next to Megumi. Neither of them say anything, but Megumi can feel Yuuji staring at him pointedly. Call it cowardice, call it self preservation – whatever the answer, Megumi can’t bring himself to look back. 

“Sorry, I’m late,” Gojo calls to all the assembled students, jogging lightly up the hill and onto the training pitch. “It’s all Utahime’s fault.”

Iori trods up a few paces behind him, looking perturbed and on edge. So pretty normal for when she’s forced to lead these events with Gojo.

“Literally no one believes that,” Maki calls from somewhere behind Megumi. 

Unphased as ever Gojo prattles on, dividing them into small groups for their first training exercise. 

It’s good practice to spar with the Kyoto students. Megumi isn’t used to their cursed techniques the way he is with the other Tokyo students, which forces him to stretch the limits of what his own technique is capable of. The attention it requires keeps his mind from wandering, which is probably for the best. 

Iori finally calls for a break a few hours later, dismissing everyone to lunch.  Not needing to be told twice, everyone starts to make their way back to the common room.

“Hey,” Yuuji reaches out and grabs Megumi’s forearm and it brings his world to a grinding halt. “Let’s not go back for lunch. I wanna take you somewhere else. Just us two.”

“Wouldn’t you rather eat with the Kyoto students?”

You know, where your crush is, Megumi thinks but does not say. 

“No. I’d much rather hang out with you.”

Yuuji slides his hand down Megumi’s forearm and intertwines their fingers, not waiting for a response before he starts leading them away from the other students. 

Have they ever held hands before? Megumi’s pretty sure he would’ve remembered it if they had. What could be different now that made Yuuji want to do that?

It was probably just a matter of necessity. Trying to make sure Megumi wouldn’t turn back and skip out on whatever it is Yuuji wanted to talk to him about. Because there had to be something. Clearly Yuuji had planned this because in the hand that wasn’t holding Megumi’s he’s carrying a large insulated lunchbox. 

Was Yuuji going to make Megumi spell out why he’d been avoiding him so much? Maybe he’d been too forward when he asked Yuuji about his type. Maybe Yuuji wasn’t ready to talk about it with Megumi yet, but Megumi pressured him into it. Or —

He nearly topples into Yuuji, who stopped walking out of nowhere. Apparently having decided they’d reached their destination — some meditation garden on the other side of campus. 

It’s not a place he visits often, but maybe he should start. There’s a small lake further down a path lined with bushes and shrubs and flowers. A few benches dot the area, but it’s mostly expansive green hills as far as the eye can see. 

The rabbits would have fun playing here. They’ve always been Yuuji’s favorite. Maybe next time he comes back here to let the shikigami roam Yuuji can come too. 

Yuuji picks a spot on the grass and unfurls a small picnic blanket that had been stuffed in the lunchbox, along with two bentos that he sets out for each of them. 

“I made us lunch. Here.”

Yuuji pats a spot on the blanket next to him, which Megumi assumes is where Yuuji wants him to sit so he does. 

When he takes in the meal, it’s clear that Yuuji had put more thought into it than Megumi expected. He’d even taken the time to cut and shape the nori on the rice balls so that one of them looked like Kuro and the other looked like Shiro. 

It catches him off guard, head snapping toward Yuuji in disbelief. But Yuuji is already looking back at him. Smiling proudly at his handiwork and Megumi’s unabashed surprise. 

They fall into easy silence. Enjoying a meal and taking in the scenery together. 

Megumi has never really understood small talk. The idea of saying things that don’t directly contribute to the conversation at hand just to avoid silence is incredibly counterintuitive, so he often says nothing. That doesn’t mean he wasn’t aware of the silence though. And the unspoken expectation from other people that he do something to help fill it and frustration or unease when he didn’t. 

That didn’t happen with Yuuji though. 

It didn’t feel real at first, since Yuuji is the type of person who could hold a conversation with a mannequin at a store for ten minutes before realizing it wasn’t a real person — which Megumi had seen him do. Twice. To the same mannequin. 

But they could sit in silence together for hours and it would never once feel awkward because at the end of the day, Yuuji would never pressure Megumi to be something he’s not. It’s comforting that even though Megumi has been feeling so not himself recently that at least they haven’t lost this. 

Without warning, Yuuji reaches out and brushes a thumb across Megumi’s cheek, near his lip. Wiping away some bit of his lunch that must’ve gotten on his face. 

Yuuji rubs the same spot several times — well after whatever bit of food that was stuck there is already gone. The motion slows, but Yuuji’s hand doesn’t leave Megumi’s cheek and it takes everything in him not to lean into the touch. 

The air between them is charged in a way that Megumi doesn’t recognize. He’s hyper aware of everything. The way their bodies are so close. The way Yuuji is still touching him. The way Yuuji’s lips are slightly parted.

Has it really been so long since he’s been around Yuuji that Megumi can’t be fucking normal anymore? This is Yuuji. Things aren’t supposed to feel weird or different with him. Yuuji is steadfast and familiar, but Megumi has no idea what’s happening right now. 

Everything these past few weeks has felt so unrecognizable and he hates that now things with Yuuji are starting to feel different. He doesn’t want things to change. He doesn’t want to lose his best friend when Yuuji finally confesses to Kamo. He doesn’t want to feel like he can’t breathe when Yuuji’s finally starting to feel close enough. 

He wants Yuuji to stay by his side and stay his best friend and he doesn’t want to have to share him with anyone, but especially not Kamo. 

“Megumi, I …”

But that’s not what Yuuji wants. He wants to leave Megumi behind and go off and see other people and have crushes on them and date them and fall in —

“I have to go.”

“Wait!”

He doesn’t. Instead, Megumi runs all the way back to his room and slams the door behind him. 

/////

He doesn’t leave his room for the rest of the day. 

Gojo texts him to make sure that everything is alright when he doesn’t come back for the second half of training. If he has to go back out there right now it’s going to be everyone’s problem, so Megumi tells Gojo that if he makes him come to the rest of training Megumi will kill everyone out there and then himself. Gojo takes the hint and thumbs up reacts to the message.

He thinks to pass the time by scrolling on his phone. But then his friends start texting to ask if he’s feeling ok. At first it’s just annoying. Then he sees a message from Yuuji come through. 

He puts his phone on Do Not Disturb after that one. Deciding to put on his noise cancelling headphones and work on homework. He needs something that takes all his concentration right now. 

Whoever decided Gojo was qualified to teach everyone math deserves to be put in a stockade since Megumi has basically had to re-teach himself every unit they've had so far.

He’s almost through the practice packet, when suddenly his music stops playing through his headphones. Which is weird because he knows they’re fully charged. 

He thinks to try turning them off then back on again before he remembers that the last time they disconnected while he was in the middle of using them was when Yuuji had been trying to watch that stupid, life ruining video. He’s about to go bang on their shared wall for Yuuji to cut it out because he cannot take this today when sound starts coming through. 

The voice isn’t what he’s expecting though. It isn’t really even a person – it sounds kind of like a text to speech program. 

Test. Test. Is this thing on? I hope this thing is on. If you can hear me, Megumi. I, Itadori Yuuji, am bisexual and you, Fushiguro Megumi, are my gay crush. I am very bisexual and very –

Megumi doesn’t need to hear anything else. Immediately ripping the headphones off his head and sprinting into Yuuji’s room. He slams the door open and barges in unannounced.

Yuuji jolts at Megumi’s sudden intrusion. Which is when Megumi realizes that he didn’t think at all before doing this, but apparently he is doing this. 

“Hi,” Megumi starts, long and drawn out and breathy.

“Hi,” Yuuji parrots. His eyes are so bright it’s like staring into the sun, but Megumi can’t look anywhere else.

“You’re …” 

Megumi trails off, pointing at Yuuji. He wants to say so much – has so many questions he wants to ask. But he honestly can’t believe this is happening right now. Something about naming it – speaking it into existence – feels like it might burst the illusion and Megumi will wake up and realize this has only been a dream.

Yuuji clearly feels the same, just nodding his head in agreement with Megumi’s unasked question.

“I’m …”

He points to himself now. Hoping beyond hope that Yuuji will somehow understand what he’s trying to convey. 

There is no reason to doubt though because this is Yuuji. Yuuji who knows Megumi better than Megumi knows himself. Yuuji who he has never been able to lie to and would never want to. Yuuji who knows just by looking at him when he’s feeling upset or anxious or just off.

So of course Yuuji already knows what Megumi is trying to ask. And when he nods his head and smiles in a way that Megumi wants more than anything to taste he already knows that there is no deception in Yuuji’s answer.

That means …

Megumi is Yuuji’s gay crush.

He’s been Yuuji’s gay crush this whole time. Every wasted day worrying about Yuuji not trusting him or planning to leave him – when really Yuuji was on the other side of the wall thinking about Megumi.

And that’s the other thing.

Megumi has been so certain that he would lose Yuuji as soon as he confessed to someone else. Even though millions of people in the world get into relationships all the time and their best friend before they start dating their new partner is still their best friend after they start dating that partner. 

So maybe it’s not that he’d been worried that he would be the exception in that way. That Yuuji would drop him after getting into a relationship. Which, frankly, is an insane thing to worry about because even if he’s in a relationship he’s still Yuuji. Good to his core, an incredible friend, the pinnacle of kindness. 

Hindsight is 20/20 and clearly the sticking point for Megumi has been the idea of Yuuji being in a relationship with someone who wasn’t him. That he would lose not just Yuuji himself, but a version of his own future that only existed in dreams, where cowardice could not stop him from wanting.

Wanting to be twenty five, in an apartment he shared with Yuuji that somehow never had a second bedroom. Wanting to be thirty five, chasing after a bumbling toddler taking their first steps toward Yuuji. Wanting to be forty five, gardening at a house in the countryside and bringing the vegetables he harvested inside for Yuuji to use in their dinner. Wanting to be fifty five, learning what sunlight looks like in the morning when it washes over grey hair instead of pink.

Every dream for his future included Yuuji by his side and he’d been an idiot for not calling it what it was.

Love.

And to know that Yuuji could want that too. That maybe all of these dreams of Megumi’s don’t only have to exist in the dark. That maybe he isn’t the only one dreaming them.

It’s… 

Megumi has done plenty of stupid and irrational things the past couple weeks. 

What’s one more?

It takes three steps for him to be within reach of Yuuji.

It takes two hands to grab Yuuji by the collar and pull him forward.

It takes one kiss to know that Yuuji is it for him. 

He’s never kissed anyone else, so he doesn’t exactly have much to go on, but it couldn’t feel like this with anyone else, right? 

Is this what more feels like? Being more than friends, more than lovers, more than everything? Because right now he feels more than he ever has.

There’s too much to focus on – his attention wanting to divide and conquer and follow every sinuous path Yuuji is tracing with his tongue. But also feeling appalled at the notion of giving every sensation anything less than his full attention. 

He doesn’t want to forget – to miss – anything.

Yuuji’s fingers find purchase in his hair, tilting his head to one side and giving himself all the space he wants to kiss down the column of Megumi’s neck. 

And suddenly it clicks that Yuuji is kissing him back. That every soft sigh and desperate kiss of Megumi’s is echoed in short order by Yuuji. Always there and ready to take whatever he gives or go to seek out more when he’s not enough. 

It makes him feel brave. So when he reaches an arm around Yuuji’s waist to thread them closer he doesn’t second guess it. Proximity is a forest and Megumi is every tree in the Amazon. He gets lost in Yuuji, forging deeper and deeper ahead into all that he is. 

Seconds pass, or minutes do, before Megumi’s far too needy brain demands a steady, uninterrupted flow of oxygen and he’s forced to pull them apart.

They stand in each other’s arms and try to catch their breath. Lips puffy and kiss bitten. Cheeks pink and necks crimson. Amber honey meeting crystalline water.

That was … a lot. 

Was it too much? Yuuji said that he had a crush on him, but maybe he didn’t mean it like that. Had he totally ruined everything? It’s — 

“I should go.”

“Will you stop that?”

Megumi can’t even finish turning around to leave before Yuuji’s hand on his forearm. Anchoring him in place and imploring him to stay. 

Is that how he’d meant it earlier? When he’d guided Megumi down to the garden and held his hand.  It must be the same because again, Yuuji slides his hand down Megumi’s forearm and intertwines their fingers. 

“Sorry, I just …” Yuuji starts, still visibly working to get his breathing back in check. “I’ve been trying to talk with you about this for days, but every time I try to you run away.”

He has been doing that, hasn’t he, Megumi begrudgingly admits to himself (which means he also admits it to Yuuji, because Yuuji knows him better than he knows himself). 

“I like you. I have never had a crush on Yuuta. I have never had a crush on Kamo. The only person on either campus I’ve ever had a crush on is you, Megumi.”

The worlds tumble out of him. Spurred forward by the (apparently very reality-rooted) fear of Megumi running away again.

Megumi is not used to dealing with his emotions head on. Not used to saying something – even an imperfect something – as opposed to saying nothing.  He’s starting to see now though the ways that habit is not self-preservation, but self sabotage. If it was keeping him from Yuuji all this time, what else could it be keeping him from?

Yuuji runs a thumb across Megumi’s cheek and this time he doesn’t feel like crying. Doesn’t feel like running. He doesn’t want to be anywhere, but right here.

“I want more with you, Megumi. I want you.”

“You want me?”

“So badly.”

Megumi realizes they’ve been nearly whispering because his ears have to work overtime to latch onto what it sounded like when Yuuji said he wanted him. Everything that leaves Yuuji’s mouth is irrevocably true and Megumi cannot wait to match him as he says, “You have me.”

Yuuji kisses him again and Megumi finally knows that perfect smile tastes like. Messy and giddy pressed against his.

“You know,” Yuuji smirks, “For someone so smart, you’re kind of an idiot.”

“Shut up,” he groans, bringing his forehead to rest on Yuuji’s.

Because, yeah, he definitely had not been making the most logic-based choices ever since this whole ‘figuring out Yuuji’s first gay crush’ odyssey started. But also Yuuji grew up in Sendai and had to have it explained to him yesterday that he has in fact seen the Pacific Ocean, so .

Even if he is an idiot, at least Megumi’s in good company. 

/////

“No, yeah. You really are an idiot, Megumi,” Yuuta laughs over breakfast the next morning. He’d apparently played a big role in Yuuji building up the confidence to try to tell Megumi he liked him, so naturally Yuuji wanted him to be the first to know. Sparing no detail – even the embarrassing ones – of all the mistakes Megumi made on his way to figuring it out.

“Yeah, yeah,” Megumi huffs, “I’ve already gotten an earful about it from this idiot.” He juts his chin out toward Yuuji.

“Hey!” Yuuji baulks, “Why am I an idiot, but not Yuuta?”

“Because Yuuta knows that pickles don’t grow on trees.”

“I know that now !” 

Yuuji throws his head onto Megumi’s shoulder, raising his eyebrows to look up at him and quirking his mouth in an over exaggerated pout. 

The door behind them opens and Megumi looks over his shoulder to see Maki and Nobara walking in for breakfast.

Nobara is the first to say something, wrinkling her nose and asking, “Why do you two look so chipper?”

She comes to take a seat on the other side of the table as them. Maki, a few steps behind her, takes the seat to her right.

“We’re dating now,” Yuuji replies cheerily. And, like, they’ve only been dating for eleven hours so it definitely is new, but Megumi doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of telling people that he and Yuuji are dating.

“Gross,” Maki and Nobara reply in perfect unison.

“You asked,” Yuuji shrugs.

Nobara rolls her eyes. “Didn’t ask to be traumatized at 8 o’clock in the morning either, but sure.”

“What could possibly be traumatizing about hearing me tell Megumi how handsome and smart and strong and thoughtful and –”

Even though Yuuji is obviously playing it up to fuck with Nobara, Megumi still feels himself blushing under all the affection. Nobara on the other hand looks like someone offered her a fresh plate of roadkill and groans audibly.

“Maki, I can’t take any more of this. Can I borrow your headphones?”

“Sure,” Maki nods, handing them off to Nobara.

Megumi’s eyes find Yuuji’s. They share a look and immediately burst out laughing.