Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“There’s no way out, girly girl…”

Scully shifted restlessly in her bed as she tried to find a comfortable position that would allow her to finally fall asleep, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t shake the memory of Donnie Pfaster looming over her. The devil in the dark, all humanity’s depraved evils made manifest.

“There’s nowhere to hide…”

A whimper escaped her lips unbidden, and with a sigh she sat up and threw the covers back. Maybe if she put the TV on it would help. The background chatter might be just enough to drown out the pounding of her heart in her chest, the quick, short gasps of her breath in her ears, the rush of freezing water flowing relentlessly out of the bathtub faucet…

Get ahold of yourself, Dana. It’s over. You’re safe now.

She opened her bedroom door and emerged into her living room. The sight of the lanky, rumpled figure on her couch nearly sent her spiraling into uncontrollable panic until she recognized him. “Mulder? I thought you went home. What are you still doing here?”

Mulder looked up from the notepad he was scribbling on. Notes for their case report, Scully guessed, then banished the thought before she could get sucked into another flashback. Her partner smiled sheepishly at her. “Uh, I didn’t wanna leave you alone. I thought you might prefer the company in case… uh, in case you needed anything.”

A faint warmth welled within Scully’s chest, and she found herself blinking back tears. “That’s… that’s really sweet of you, Mulder. Thank you.”

“Anytime, Scully.” Mulder’s nonchalant shrug belied the tenderness in his eyes. He shifted to a sitting position and patted the couch cushion beside him. “Wanna watch TV for a bit? This time of night there’s usually not much on besides the Three Stooges.”

Scully grinned. “Perfect. That’s exactly the kind of nonsense I need right now.”

She curled up beside Mulder on the couch, her head on his chest and his arm around her shoulders. It should have been awkward– they were coworkers, for God’s sake– but it wasn’t. The light from the TV bathed the room in a soft, warm glow, and Scully slowly felt herself relax as the memory of terror in the dark faded away like a bad dream upon waking.

Her mind drifted to the way Mulder had held her after coming to her rescue, tight and strong as she fell apart in his arms, neither of them having any regard for the dozen or so witnesses milling about. She hadn’t wanted to look vulnerable in front of Mulder, didn’t want him to see her so weak and helpless. She was the strong one, after all, the brilliant and capable Special Agent Doctor Dana Scully who was a better shot than eighty percent of the male agents at the Bureau and was just as comfortable cutting open cadavers as she was taking afternoon tea. She was supposed to save other people from monsters, not become the victim of one herself.

Any other agent would have thought less of her after seeing her break down like that. But Mulder was different. He had always been different; it was one of the things she appreciated most about him, even if he didn’t appreciate that about himself. Behind all of his self-deprecating jokes lurked a soft and vulnerable core, which he frankly did a terrible job of hiding. Scully found herself ironically grateful to the higher-ups who had first assigned her to work with Mulder. They had wanted her to sabotage him, but if they hadn’t sent her to the basement, he would still be toiling away fruitlessly, alone and friendless.

Now, neither of them would ever truly be alone again, not as long as they had each other to rely on.

Scully let out an enormous yawn as her eyes fluttered shut. “G’night, Mulder,” she mumbled sleepily.

As she drifted off, her ears and her brain must have had some kind of breakdown in communication, because it sounded like Mulder whispered into her hair, “Good night, honey.”

Chapter Text

It wasn’t her.

But it could’ve been.

The thought reverberated around Mulder’s brain as he reclined on his couch, haunted by that fleeting instant between the moment he’d opened the blinds and the moment he recognized the body as not being Scully’s.

For a few brief, horrifying milliseconds, he had been looking at his partner’s dead body, a bullet hole through her forehead marring her otherwise delicate, graceful features.

It wasn’t her, idiot, remember? She’s fine. She’s completely fine…

He was startled out of his brooding by a knock on the door. After a momentary battle with inertia, he pushed himself up off the couch and went to answer it.

“Scully!” He smiled despite himself. “Shouldn’t you be resting?”

She rolled her eyes. “You can stop mother-henning me already, Mulder, I’m fine. I just came to see how you were doing.”

“How I’m doing?” Mulder raised his eyebrows as he stepped back to let her inside. “I’m not the one who got brainwashed by that… that thing.”

“I know, but we came out of this without any concrete evidence of… well, anything. I know it’s frustrating for you whenever a case ends this way, and I just…” She trailed off, probably in response to the skeptical expression that Mulder figured was on his face right now. “Okay, fine. I couldn’t sleep.”

“Well, that’s not surprising, given… everything.” Mulder suppressed the memory of Scully pointing her gun at him, panicked and terrified that he had somehow turned against her. “You want coffee or anything?”

“You have coffee?”

“I do keep some things in my kitchen besides orange juice and sunflower seeds.”

Scully smiled warmly at him, and Mulder felt a brief pang of guilt. He had come so close to never seeing that smile again, all because he hadn’t been able to protect her. He couldn’t even save her, in the end. That had been all her mother’s doing.

He made them both coffee and they sat down together on the couch, their knees touching. “In a way, it’s lucky that you’re colorblind,” Scully said. “If we’d both been affected by that device, who knows what would’ve happened.”

Mulder swallowed hard. “I don’t think it would’ve made much difference, in the end. They still would’ve gotten away with it.”

Scully tilted her head in acknowledgement. “At least we both lived to fight another day.”

His throat tightened, and he struggled to speak. “Barely.”

“Mulder.” He felt a gentle pressure on his knee, and looked down to see Scully’s hand resting there before looking up to meet her soft, blue-eyed gaze. “I’m okay.”

“I know,” he whispered hoarsely. It occurred to him that she probably didn’t know what had happened while she’d been missing. “I was so scared something would happen to you. That something had happened. They even… at one point, they even found a body matching your description. I had to go down to the morgue and confirm it wasn’t you.”

“Oh, Mulder.” Scully’s eyes grew wide and damp. “That must have… I can’t even imagine.”

She pulled him into her arms and cradled his head against her chest. “It’s over now, Mulder. Don’t think about it any more.”

Mulder snorted faintly. “Easy for you to say.”

“Not really. I almost killed you, remember? If I had, and then the paranoia wore off and I realized what…” She swallowed hard. “I don’t think I could’ve forgiven myself.”

He shifted his position slightly so that he could get his arms around her. “We’re both okay, Scully.”

She hugged him a little closer and pressed her face to the top of his head. “Yes, we are.”

They sat that way for a long time, eventually falling asleep in each other’s arms, entwined more thoroughly and irrevocably than either of them fully realized.

Chapter Text

“You don’t know that that’s how it really happened, Mulder.”

“But she never denied it, Scully.” Mulder’s jaw clenched, but otherwise he was motionless as he sat on the couch beside her, utterly drained of any emotion save pain. Since Quonochontaug, he had been passively morose and closed off, refusing to discuss in any detail what had led to those events, until he had finally given in to Scully’s gentle probing and told her what he had seen in his visions.

“I asked her point-blank who my father was, and she didn’t immediately say ‘don’t be silly, Fox, of course your father was my husband, Bill Mulder’. No, instead she said ‘what do you want, to kill him again?’ Do you know what that says to me, Scully? It says the man who died in my arms wasn’t even my father after all. Instead, my father was apparently that cigarette-smoking son of a–”

“Mulder.” Scully scooted closer and leaned forward to take his face in her hands. Even in the dim light of his fish tank, she could see the tear tracks that ran down his face, still wet. “First of all, and I’m going to keep reminding you of this until you believe it, you can’t trust those memories. Second of all, even if it were true, it wouldn’t matter. Blood is thicker than water, you know.”

Mulder looked at her with the same expression she had given him when he had suggested that the headless Leonard Betts had gotten up out of his morgue drawer and walked away all by himself (of course, he was right, but they didn’t talk about that. Especially considering what happened after.). “I don’t think you’re using that phrase correctly, Scully.”

“No, what I’m saying is that you, and the vast majority of people, have misunderstood it. ‘Blood is thicker than water’ is the shortened version of a longer quote, which is ‘the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb’.”

Mulder blinked. He opened and closed his mouth several times, as if trying to process this revelation. “Wait. But that would mean–”

“It means the exact opposite of what everyone thinks it means.” Scully smiled softly, swallowing hard as she blinked back tears of her own. “The connections we make by choice are far deeper and more significant than those which are chosen for us by a coincidence of genetics.”

She gently stroked the sides of his face with her thumbs, suddenly filled with an overwhelming warmth which she didn’t dare give a more specific name. “We are all more than the sum of our genetic background, Mulder, especially you.”

Her partner gazed at her, fresh tear tracks forming on his face as she spoke. He managed a faint, wry smile, sniffling a little. “You didn’t choose to be stuck with me, Scully.”

“Maybe not in the beginning, but it’s been my choice to stay, Mulder. I’m here beside you now, and that’s my choice, and mine alone.”

She kissed his forehead before pulling him in for a hug, resting her cheek against the top of his head where it lay in the space between her chin and her shoulder. “You’re not looking for the truth alone anymore, Mulder. I’m with you. I’ll always be with you.”

He returned her embrace, holding her tightly against him as she ran her fingers soothingly through his hair. They remained entwined together in silence, both of them refusing to give voice to their shared fear that far too soon she would leave him alone after all, and not by choice.

Scully usually tried not to think about what would happen to Mulder after she was gone. The possibilities were simply too horrifying to contemplate, but the events of the past several days had forced her to confront them head-on. If he was willing to do something this reckless, this batshit insane now, what would he do when she wasn’t there to keep him grounded?

She tilted her head forward to gently kiss his forehead. “Why don’t you try to get some sleep, okay?"

Mulder made a sound that was half a hum, half a grunt, and Scully adjusted her position on the couch so that she was leaning back against the cushions, pulling Mulder towards her so that he was laying beside her with his head still tucked against her neck. She pulled the Indian blanket over both of them, tenderly stroking Mulder’s back as she covered him up to his shoulders.

“Don’t have to stay,” Mulder mumbled faintly.

“I want to stay, Mulder. Wild horses couldn’t drag me away from you. Don’t you ever forget that.”

He was silent for a long time, and Scully thought he had fallen asleep until he spoke:

“Promise?”

She blinked back tears as she kissed his forehead again. “Always, Mulder.”

Chapter Text

Mulder had been absurdly excited when Skinner told him and Scully that he was assigning them to go undercover as a married couple. Sure, the case itself didn’t really pique his interest and he was fairly certain it was a waste of their time, but he wasn’t going to say no to the opportunity to play house with Scully, especially given how strained their relationship had been lately.

“I’m just saying, the neighbors think we’re a happily married couple. What if one of them tries to peek through our window and sees me sleeping on the couch?”

“That’s why God invented curtains, Mulder. There’s absolutely no reason for us to share the bed. I still think the Bureau should’ve let us requisition two beds. Plenty of couples sleep in separate bedrooms.”

“Somehow I don’t think that would fly in this neighborhood, Scully.” Mulder shrugged and dug a blanket and pillow out of one of the boxes and tossed them on the couch. “Anyway, so tomorrow I think the first thing we should do is go see that Gogolak guy–”

A bloodcurdling scream cut through the night, startling both of them and causing them to automatically reach for their guns– which, of course, they weren’t wearing, because Rob and Laura Petrie had no reason to walk around armed and loaded.

“What the hell was that?” Scully exclaimed.

“Another neighbor mysteriously disappearing, perhaps?”

“It sounded like…” Scully hesitated. “Mulder, I think that was Big Mike.”

“You’re sure?”

“Well, no, but… it sure sounded a lot like his voice.”

Mulder’s fingers twitched. He didn’t like not having his gun on him, especially if people were regularly getting murdered in this neighborhood. “We should go and investigate…”

“It’s too soon, Mulder. We just got here; we’ll blow our cover.” She sighed and shook her head. “We’ll stop by his house first thing tomorrow. I was planning on returning most of those dishes he brought anyway; that will be a good excuse to do some subtle probing of the situation.”

She had a point, Mulder conceded. It still rankled him, to do nothing when people were in danger, but then again they had to think about the long term here. Identify and stop whatever was making these people disappear, and this neighborhood would become a peaceful, safe place to live in reality, and not merely in illusion.

“Alright, then. Good night, Scully.”

“Good night, Mulder.”

She went off to the bedroom, while he went to the couch, folding himself snugly as he sank into the cushions. This couch was just a little less firm than his own, and he shifted restlessly as he struggled to find a comfortable position.

He was just about to give up and go digging through their still mostly-unpacked things to find a book or something else to read when he heard Scully shriek from upstairs.

“Scully?! Scully!!” Mulder rushed to the bedroom, pausing only to grab his gun from one of the boxes, and found Scully sitting bolt upright in the bed, breathing rapidly.

“What happened?”

The fear in her eyes gradually gave way to embarrassment. “I– I guess I must’ve had a nightmare, Mulder. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t– don’t be sorry, Scully. I’m just glad you’re okay.” Mulder lowered his gun. “This neighborhood was creepy even before whatever happened to Big Mike.”

Scully nodded, still looking a little shaky. “You can go back to sleep, Mulder. I didn’t mean to bother you.”

Mulder shrugged. “I wasn’t sleeping anyway.”

Scully opened her mouth, then promptly closed it again, biting her lip nervously. She looked like she wanted to ask him something, and Mulder had a fairly good guess as to what it was.

“Do you want me to stay here? At least until you fall asleep again?”

She crossed her arms in front of her chest before uncrossing them, not meeting his gaze. “If you want.”

Mulder put his gun on the bedside table before pulling the covers back and getting in, while Scully shifted further to the other side of the bed to leave a considerable amount of space between them. They lay in silence in the dark for several long moments, listening to the sound of each other breathing.

“Mulder?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it, Scully.”

He woke several hours later to find Scully curled up against him, her arm draped across his torso and her head burrowing into the side of his chest. His arms were loosely wrapped around her, and a few wispy strands of her hair tickled his chin. She felt warm and soft and perfect in his arms, and Mulder quietly held his breath, not wanting to do anything to break the moment.

But soon Scully began to stir, and he shut his eyes again, making his breathing slow and even like he was still asleep. He felt her stiffen, then carefully extricate herself from him, her movements as delicate as possible, as if she were trying not to wake him. He waited for the soft sound of her footsteps to leave the room before opening his eyes and letting out a regretful sigh.

So this is what it feels like to miss something you never had.

Chapter Text

The world didn’t end.

Scully drove Mulder home from the hospital, the echo of his lips on hers achingly vivid all the while. All those restless nights, all the longing glances, the frustration, the denial, the fear… and for what? Nothing at all. The world didn’t end.

So now what?

She glanced sideways at Mulder, only to find him already looking back at her with a goofy, lopsided grin. There was a slight glaze to his eyes now– the pain meds finally kicking in, no doubt– but the warmth and adoration in them nearly took her breath away.

“I suppose you’ll want me to stay with you,” she said, falling back instinctively on their typical semi-flirtatious, believer-versus-skeptic banter. “In case you start turning into a zombie or some other such nonsense.”

“Not how it works, Scully.” Mulder’s voice slurred slightly as he reached out to playfully bat at her hair with his good arm. “But you’ll stay with me anyway?”

His big, hopeful, pleading eyes caused the last wispy vestiges of her doubt to melt away. “Of course I will, Mulder. I’m not sure I’d be able to sleep alone either, anyway, after all of that.”

Mulder hummed happily as he slid downwards a little in his seat, his cheek pressed against the seat back. “I like sleeping with you, Scully. Literally, I mean. We haven’t done it the other way yet.”

Scully felt a faint blush creeping up her neck and face. “I think those drugs they gave you are making you loopy.”

She pulled up to his apartment building and guided him inside, trying to ignore the rapid hammering of her heart. There was no question of anything happening tonight of course. Mulder was injured and high as a kite, and they were both exhausted from the day’s events. But that was where this was going, wasn’t it? For seven years they had both drifted inexorably towards this moment and towards each other, like so much matter and debris spiraling ever inward, guided by the irresistible pull of the event horizon. And once they reached it…

But they had reached it. They had passed through the event horizon without being torn apart by the gravitational stresses. The world didn’t end, and neither did they.

Scully could hear New Year’s fireworks going off in the distance as she got Mulder situated in his bed, making sure his pain meds and a glass of water were on the nightstand within easy reach. Then she climbed in and curled up beside him, her forehead mere inches from his as she reached out and stroked his lower lip gently with her thumb. “Get some sleep, Mulder,” she whispered softly.

“You’ll protect me from the zombies?” he mumbled, his eyes blinking rapidly as he slowly drifted away.

She choked back a quiet laugh as her heart swelled with affection. “Yes, Mulder, I’ll protect you from the zombies. Now go to sleep.”

“Yes, Dr. Scully.” Mulder tried to salute her; however, he tried to do so using his right arm, which was still ensconced in a sling. He let out a soft grunt as he lost his balance and fell forward across her chest. “Ow.”

“Mulder, stay still,” she chastised him gently, reaching up to cup his head and hold it a little closer to her. “I know the meds are making you feel good, but you can still hurt yourself if you’re not careful.”

“‘m always careful, Scully.”

She snorted. “Oh, please. There isn’t enough time in the universe to list all the evidence to the contrary.”

He burrowed his face into her neck, nuzzling her collarbone. “I’m sorry.”

Scully blinked. “What are you sorry for?”

“Everything,” he mumbled. “Always getting myself in trouble and making you come to my rescue… you deserve better, Scully.”

Her eyes filled up with tears. “I don’t want better, Mulder. I want you.”

“Really?”

The disbelieving hope in his voice broke her heart. “I always have, Mulder. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

“Don’t be sorry, Scully. ‘S not like I made it easy.”

Scully chuckled as she pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “I think we both made things more difficult for ourselves than they needed to be.”

“Agreed.” Mulder snuggled even closer to her. “‘m gonna sleep now, Scully.”

“Okay, Mulder.”

“Scully?”

“Hmm?”

“Love you.”

A year ago, he’d told her the same thing, and she’d been so terrified by the concept that she reflexively dismissed it as drug-induced nonsense. But even back then, she’d known that she was lying to herself. And he had been completely lucid when he kissed her. She couldn’t lie to herself anymore even if she wanted to.

The distant sound of the fireworks echoed the effusive, overwhelming joy that exploded within her chest. “Love you too, Mulder.”

Chapter Text

“Daddy, I can’t sleep.”

Mulder knelt beside William’s bed. “Why not, buddy?”

The four-year-old looked back at him, his eyes wide with fear. “Monsters.”

“What monsters?”

William pointed to the closet, his lower lip trembling. “In there.”

“There’s no monsters in there, buddy.” Mulder walked over to the closet and opened it, making a show of sticking his head in and inspecting every corner. “See? Monster-free zone.”

“Now it is. But they’ll come back when it’s dark.”

“Hmm. Well, I guess we’ll just have to make sure it never gets dark, then, won’t we?”

Scully came in while Mulder was speaking, holding something behind her back and smiling. “I found it right where you said it would be. I can’t believe it still works.”

“What is it?” William asked curiously.

Mulder reached out to take the small object from Scully. “This, buddy, is one of the very first nightlights ever invented.”

William sat up, peering closely at the small rectangular panel. “It’s not lit up now.”

“Well, it has to be plugged in.” Mulder bent down and plugged the nightlight into the outlet next to William’s bed and thumbed the little switch on the bottom. The panel began to glow a soft, steady green. “See? That’ll keep your monsters away, just like it did mine.”

“Really?”

Mulder nodded. “I used to have really bad nightmares after your Aunt Samantha went missing, but these nightlights hadn’t been invented yet, so I would sleep with all the lights on. My mother got me this as soon as she could so I wouldn’t keep running up the electric bill.”

The gentle, upbeat tone he often used with William faltered slightly, and Mulder tried to cover it with a smile, hoping the boy was too intrigued by the nightlight to notice. Scully noticed, thought– she always did– and he felt her place a soft, comforting hand on his shoulder.

“And it made your nightmares go away?” William asked.

“Not all of them,” Mulder admitted. “But it made the dark seem a little less scary.”

William let out an enormous yawn as he permitted Mulder and Scully to tuck him in. “G’night, Daddy, g’night, Mommy,” he mumbled sleepily.

“Good night, buddy.” Mulder ruffled his hair.

“Good night, sweet boy.” Scully gently kissed William’s forehead before taking Mulder’s hand as they tiptoed out of William’s room and back to their own bedroom. They got into bed, Scully curling up in Mulder’s arms with her forehead resting against his.

“Mulder?”

He stroked her cheek with his thumb. “Yeah?”

She smiled softly. “Thanks for being my nightlight.”

Mulder smiled back and gave her a swift kiss on the lips. “Thanks for being mine.”