Chapter Text
Dan has made a huge mistake.
Sure, he did some, no– scratch that, he did a lot of stupid shit before but this? This takes the cake. It's a train wreck, is what it is.
Dan hadn’t meant to do it. It just kind of happened. It was 3am and he was tired and hungry and a little bit curious.
He checked the Phan tag. On Tumblr.
That’s right, he did it. He had fallen into the rabbit hole that is hashtag Phan and now he can’t get out.
It was just out of curiosity, that’s it. He knows how many people ships him and Phil. He hadn’t met any person in the fandom who isn’t a Phan shipper. He isn’t… bothered about it. The truth is, he kind of appreciates it. The way so many people write and tell everyone that they are, in fact, in a relationship and is butt-fucking each other when the cameras aren’t around as if they know them. Amazing.
But he gets kind of curious, sometimes. Literally every single comment in their channel (whether it’s Phil’s or his. Don’t get him started on their gaming channel.) is about they are so domestic and homo and very much in love. Once, he even read a comment that says something like this:
“Look, I don’t really like shipping real people. Personally, I think it’s weird. But with Dan and Phil… it’s like they don’t give us much of a choice. It’s inevitable.”
He wants to find out why and how .
Phil is his best friend. Everyone knows that. There would be no Phil without Dan. And definitely, there would be no Dan without Phil. He loves Phil. Platonically, of course.
Phil is special.
But to others, it was more than just being friends. They’re totally convinced that Dan and Phil are in love and blah blah. He just wants to freaking find out, alright? So there.
It was just a one time thing, honestly. Maybe find a blog or two dedicated to them as to why they ship Phan and how did they come to that crazy delusion. There are blogs like that, he swears.
But every night he finds himself checking the Phan tag quite frequently. Quite. Often.
It was interesting, he’d say. There are a lot of cool stuff. Some cool fanarts there.. cool fanfics this. There are even cosplays of them, how awesome is that? But some of them can be quite…
Explicit.
Dan sighs and squints his eyes at his phone. He checks the time. God, 5:03?
But he had to stop cause Tumblr is having a meltdown. Apparently, he subconsciously liked some Phan-related stuff without him knowing him. Real smooth, Dan.
'Shit,' He whispered, already. 'Fucking shit. Dan, you’re so stupid, Jesus.'
"What to do, what to do..?" He thought. 'What shitty excuse can I come up with in 3am?' He wondered out loud. Suddenly, an idea struck him. He typed as quickly as he could.
"whoops. sorry about that ppl. don’t worry i am not hacked. i’m just looking for ideas on a video and saving them for the time being"
"you can stop freaking out now"
He quickly added to the tweet.
Dan paused and thought about just how stupid that sounded.
Dan shrugged and let the whole tumblr explode once again. He yawned and felt his eyes slowly drooping. Oh well, he can continue this tomorrow. But first, he has to make an anonymous Tumblr account so that he could actually scroll through the tag without the fear of millions of teenagers’ keen observations and stalkerish skills.
Dan outwardly groaned on that. Why is the world so cruel to him? He thought before dropping his face on the pillow and letting sleep consume him.
By the morning, he woke up and did the daily routine with Phil; eating cereal, watching anime, generally being the laziest and unproductive shits together. The usual. Good thing they don’t have work today, he could really use a break.
'Hey, Dan.' Phil called, eyes glued on the telly. Dan grunts from where he was sitting, doing his famous browsing pose.
'Saw what you tweeted last night,' Dan tensed up and stop scrolling. 'Do you have some ideas then? I feel like I have a youtuber’s block.`` Phil mused.
Dan continued scrolling but his mind is fully focused on Phil now, panic slowly pumping his veins. 'Youtuber’s block? The hell is that?' He tried to respond the Dan way, generally ignoring the more profound part and focusing on the bullshit part.
Phil chuckled and faced him. 'Yeah, it’s like writer’s block but it happens to youtubers.' Phil grinned like this was his proudest moment.
Dan rolled his eyes and snorted. 'Sure, Phil.' He sat more comfortably and silently thank the gods because he just received the email confirmation for other tumblr account he was preparing for his Phan-tag stalking. What even is his life? 'And anyway, to answer your question, nope. Absolutely nothing.'
'Oh, welp.' Phil replied. 'I’m hungry.' Phil added in an afterthought.
Dan snorted fondly. 'You’re always hungry.' He pointed out.
'That’s true.' Phil grinned, getting up to probably eat a box of cereal without milk. Dan rolled his eyes, still smiling fondly. Typical Phil.
He puts on his headphones and played some Sleeping At Last and settles himself into a more comfortable position. The famous "browsing position."
He clicked on Tumblr and followed some of the famous Phan-related accounts and stalked their accounts. There’s one account who make Phan crack videos. Dan enjoyed them so much, he watched all 8. He also saved some really cool fanarts and edits and saved them on his DO NOT CLICK folder. Recurring memory of his old website came to him, he cringed outwardly and continued scrolling. There's a particular post that caught his eye. "Why I ship Phan..." Dan read the words quietly. He did the stupidest thing he ever did; he clicked it.
The rant has been over 100 words only. Dan raised his eyebrow- he expected a really long and insightful scrutiny. He shrugged and started to read.
"Okay, so I know a lot of people is sick of the phandom (lolzor) but let me tell you why I think Dan and Phil are the best people ever and why you should never judge someone based on their fandom. For years we are known to be crazy and weird and stalkerish and that's cool - I admit we are pretty cray but lemme just tell you why Dan and Phil are so underrated. They are literally one of those few youtubers who don't only talk about themselves and their interests. They try to include us the phandom as much as possible in their vids and thats fucking amazing seriously these two. They saved my life- a couple of times. I've had depression and anxiety for 5 years now and they're on of the few people that keeps me going. They may never know me but that's okay cause I know how much they appreciate each one of us- and they ever fail to show that."
Dan was smiling softly. his heart full and suddenly his day is much. much brighter. It was nice to have this kind of effect on people- to finally contribute something in this society even if it seems insignificant to others. He continued reading, eager for more.
"SO PHAN. I know it's a lil weird to be shipping real ppl but seriously have you watched their vids??? I'm not saying they're gay or anything (whatever their sexuality is- I accept it no matter what) but it's just... Dan and Phil. They make each other so happy. When it's the two of them you never get bored because they make everything so bright and happy and just.. a part of their world. I don't ship phan because they're cute together... I ship phan because the way they look at each other is the look I don't think I'm worthy enough to be given. I'm still amazed as to why they're not falling in love... living with someone so beautiful and generally such a great person. I'm surprised really. I'm not forcing them to be together- GOD NO thatd be horrible but I just hope they'd realise that they're meant to be for each other."
Meant to be...
Dan shut his laptop close and stares blankly on the ceiling, feeling indifferent. He closes his eyes and recalled all those adventures he's had with Phil- the radio show, Japan, the book and the tour, being one of the most prominent Youtubers today.
And he did it all, achieved it all, with Phil. He had been his stepping stones. He smiled unknown to himself.