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Eddie should have known his first shift back with the 118 wouldn’t be anything close to normal. But how could he have ever predicted his conversation with a priest would come back to haunt him 10 months later.
It started with a crash. They were responding to, what they had originally believed to be, a standard wreck on the I-10. However, as they got closer Eddie could tell it was anything but. A semi truck was on its side, some sort of liquid gushing out of it, flooding the highway. It didn’t take long after leaving the engine for Eddie to realize he was walking through gallons upon gallons of apple juice. For a brief moment he remembered a conversation about juice and choosing joy.
It’s not like Eddie was purposefully avoiding juice, avoiding joy. He personally thought he was doing a much better job at letting himself be happy than he was 10 months ago at that juice bar. He got his son back, he is back in LA, he is living with his best friend. Eddie has honestly never been happier. What more could he ask for really?
But. Well. There has been something at the back of his mind screaming for more. It started as a whisper, barely noticeable. A quiet hum when watching Buck help Chris with his homework. A soft buzzing as they seamlessly fell into a routine together. It started getting louder when they decided taking turns on the couch wasn’t sustainable, and it really wasn’t that big of a deal to share a bed. It got louder still that following morning when Eddie woke up with Buck half on top of him, his breath on Eddie’s neck.
All this to say, there still is one joy Eddie has been denying himself.
There were people to help now though, Eddie didn’t have time to dwell. He didn’t have time to appreciate Buck, how good he was at his job, how beautiful he was when he smiled at a patient to calm them down. Eddie had to focus, so he pushed juice, joy, Buck , as far out of his mind as he could.
…
By the time they made it back to the station, Eddie was feeling much calmer. He had shoved his feelings neatly back into the box and put the lid on tight and secure. He knows at this point that his feelings for Buck aren’t strictly platonic. He’s not entirely oblivious - though he wishes he was. However, it is not something he is ready to confront. To put it plainly, he is scared. Scared of what it will do to him and Buck, scared of how Chris will react, scared of what it means for him. Eddie is perfectly content keeping things exactly how they are, never asking for more. Water is just fine, it keeps him alive. He would rather have that than nothing at all.
Eddie Diaz was a champion at avoiding things he didn’t want to think about, a gold medalist really. It should be no problem ignoring this want growing under his skin. So long as juice stayed far away from him.
He should know better by now. The tones go off and Eddie is where he belongs, across from Buck, legs pressed into each others’ in the back of the engine. It takes every ounce of self control not to drop his head into his hands when he hears what they are being dispatched to.
…
Who the hell lets Hildy keep making things? This is exactly why Eddie has a healthy distrust of technology. It can turn on you just like that. In front of him lies an elderly woman, face distorted in pain, surrounded by a growing puddle of orange juice.
“I don’t even know what happened! I was showing my mom how to use this new juicer I got her,” the woman’s daughter frantically explained, “I left the room for one minute and next thing I know my mom is screaming. By the time I got back in the kitchen the juicer wouldn’t stop spraying orange juice everywhere and my mom had slipped in the puddle.”
Eddie couldn’t help but think that this is exactly what one should expect when inviting that monster into their house. Based on the look Buck shoots him, his distaste is written all over his face.
To his credit, Eddie didn’t think about juice, joy, Buck , at all while helping the woman. Not until, as he and Hen transported her to the ambulance, she muttered “I guess that teaches me not to ignore the juice.” Sure, she probably meant juicer, and yeah that is a good lesson to learn, but it made Eddie freeze. It was just for a second, really nothing more than a slight hesitation between steps, but Hen noticed. Eddie tried to answer her questioning look with a smile, but he could tell she didn’t fully buy it. Eddie needed comfort, something to center him, and so his eyes found Buck. When he glanced back at Hen, her gaze had shifted from questioning to knowing.
It was almost torturous sitting across from Buck on the ride back to the station with the woman’s words repeating in his mind. If he believed in the universe, he’d say it was a sign. As it was, however, he’d say it’s a cruel coincidence at best.
…
If twice is a coincidence, Eddie’s not sure what three times would be. They barely parked back at the station when the bell rang again. Eddie cursed under his breath when he realized they were pulling up to a juice bar. THE juice bar. The one that started this whole problem in the first place. As they filed out of the truck and into the building the manager quickly found them and filled them in.
“They were cleaning out the juicer, and didn’t unplug it, even though I’ve told them a million times. And well. Just see for yourself.” As Eddie got closer, he saw a teenager with tears streaming down their face. Their arm was pinned to the inside of the juicer by the sharp blade. Blood was everywhere. The kid was honestly lucky that they didn’t lose a finger.
…
The rest of the day was nonstop calls. Eddie was beginning to think all of LA was on some new juice craze. One man drank so much juice he turned orange. There were three more calls where people got their hands stuck in their juicers, none nearly as bad as that poor kid from the juice bar. The worst call, for Eddie, was to the elementary school. There was a stabbing - one kindergartener stabbed another with the pointy end of his juice box straw. That wasn’t what made it unbearable for him though, no what sent Eddie over the edge was watching Buck interact with the kids. It is very difficult to write off “please have another child with me” as 100% platonic, and Eddie knew his face was beet red. He’s pretty certain Chim tried to do a concussion test on him, but he was a bit preoccupied staring at the love of his life.
Every juice emergency was wearing at Eddie’s resolve to keep his feelings tucked neatly away. He felt like he was losing his mind. Every time he heard the word “juice” he flinched. The team was starting to notice, and they were quickly growing concerned. Eddie knew he needed to get it under control - but he didn’t know how.
…
It was Bobby who finally approached him. “Hey, do you want to talk about why you just yelled at Ravi? He just offered you a glass of juice.”
Eddie knows he shouldn’t have yelled, knows he probably should apologize. He even knows that this is what he should tell Bobby. However, what comes out of his mouth is “God is haunting me because I drank water instead of juice.”
To Bobby’s credit he only hesitated for a second, and he didn’t laugh. “Eddie, surely you know that is not how God works.”
“I don’t know anymore!! Ask the priest!”
“What? What priest? A priest told you God was haunting you? Are you sure that was a priest?”
“Yes it was a priest, I know what priests look like Bobby.”
Bobby took a deep breath, “Eddie I need you to start over please. I’m really trying to follow but you are not making any sense.”
“The priest found me at the juice bar and told me I was denying myself juice because I didn’t feel worthy. He was right. I thought I was doing better though! Then today, all day, juice! He knows I’m still depriving myself of juice and he’s punishing me for it.” Eddie knew he sounded crazy, but there was no other explanation. Bobby was about to respond when the bell rang again.
…
Because the universe is against him today, their final call of the day was to a juice factory. Of course. A woman fell into a large vat of juice. It should have been a quick call. Really. However, Eddie forgot to take into account how evil juice was.
This factory, in addition to making orange juice, produced carbonated fruit drinks. Drinks which if too carbonated will explode. And if you happen to be standing nearby, the exploding can may just hit you in the head. Eddie had the misfortune of learning this fact today.
Eddie hasn’t even processed what happened when he sees Buck barrelling towards him. His eyes are full of concern, hands reaching out to grab Eddie, to make sure he’s okay. This is what breaks what tiny bit of stubbornness Eddie was holding on to.
“Eddie, are you okay? Come on, let’s get you over to Hen, make sure you don’t have a concussion.”
“I’m fine Buck, the universe is just really tired of trying to get my attention.” This makes Buck freeze in his tracks. Eddie didn’t think it was possible, but Buck grew more concerned.
“Okay dude, we definitely need to get you to the hospital. The Eddie I know does not believe in the universe. You must have a concussion or something.” Buck goes to grab Eddie’s arm, prepared to pull him along.
Eddie did not want to spend tonight in a hospital. He wanted to spend tonight in his bed. That he shares with his best friend. So, without thinking, he argues. “I’m not concussed Buck! I’m just in love with you!” Eddie processes what he said at the same time Buck does. Buck freezes, confusion clouding his vision. Eddie cannot handle being rejected in the middle of a goddamn juice factory. So, he pivots and runs.
…
Bobby let Eddie ride in the ambulance back to the station, on the condition that he actually did let Hen check him for a concussion. Eddie knew he couldn’t avoid Buck forever. They share a bed for one, for two - he just can’t stand to be away from him for too long. Eddie knows logically that Buck will take this gracefully, that he wouldn’t leave Eddie. But that doesn’t stop the overwhelming fear that he really fucked up this time.
Eddie thanks whatever god is listening that he and Buck drove to work separately that morning. Before Buck had even gotten changed, Eddie was in his car driving home. He needed the extra time. He doesn’t remember the drive home. He walks straight to his room, their room - if Buck doesn’t decide he needs to move - and curls in on himself.
A little while later, Eddie hears Buck come home, but he doesn’t move to greet him. Buck lets himself into their room, sits next to him and puts his hand on Eddie’s back. “Hey, Eds, can we please talk about it?”
Eddie doesn’t even turn to look at him, he can’t bring himself to. If Buck is going to reject him he can do it while Eddie is curled up in a ball.“No, I don’t want to talk about it. I’ll get over it okay? Nothing has to change. You were never supposed to know, it was the stupid juice and the stupid priest, they got in my head”
“Okay, you don’t have to talk but I’m going to. I’ve been in love with you for longer than I can remember honestly. I was more than happy to keep things the way they were, because you were straight. I was always going to be happy with whatever you were able to give me. But Eddie, if you’re saying you’re an option, I’m choosing you. Without a single doubt in my mind. And if you need time? I get that, I can wait. If you really do want to just forget this and move on? I can do that too, it’ll be hard, but I would do it for you. I would do anything for you.”
Somewhere during Buck’s speech, Eddie finally sat up and looked at him.“Buck…” Eddie knew they needed to talk more, knew that there were still obstacles to overcome, but he was no longer afraid. So, before he could overthink it anymore, he grabbed Buck’s face and pulled him in for a kiss. It felt like coming home.