Work Text:
Mydei knows he should have followed Phainon.
They are spending the day at the beach. When Phainon offers to buy them some ice creams and sodas to beat the heat, Mydei should have offered to go with him. But it’s sunny and the smell of the ocean that breezes past him makes him feel calm and almost forget the fact that there’s a third person with them.
“How long are you going to ignore me?”
Mydei’s eyebrow twitches. He chooses to sit on a bench under a coconut tree for shade as he waits for Phainon to return, and he also chooses to ignore the voice speaking to him.
After what happened in Amphoreus, everyone had reincarnated into a new world—this time, with all their memories intact. Mydei still remembers what happened in his previous lifetime; it was as clear as day. His life started when his so-called father threw him into the Sea of Souls, leaving him to fend for himself. And then, he led the Kremnoan detachment, dueled against his father, brought everyone to Okhema, succceeded Nikador’s trial, and then he became the Demigod of Strife.
And as soon as he returned to Okhema to aid Phainon, his life was ripped away from him just as soon.
Mydei clenches his jaw when a figure sits down next to him. He doesn’t have to turn his head to know that the figure is looking at him.
Khaslana took his life.
And now he’s sitting right next to him.
“You really won’t talk to me?
Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Phainon won’t be gone for more than 15 minutes, he’ll be fine. Curse fate for making his lover and his killer in his previous lifetime be twins in this lifetime.
When he finally feels like his heartbeat has slowed down enough, like his mind is cleared enough, he opens his mouth. “We have nothing to talk about.”
“We do have something to talk about.” Khaslana counters, his voice annoyingly monotonic. Mydei doesn’t like how he’s the only one affected by this. He doesn't get how Khaslana is so calm. “About our previous lifetime—”
It turns out that his mind isn’t completely cleared enough, because his heart rate spikes up again and suddenly his body goes tense. Mydei stands up and crosses his arms in front of his chest. “I'm sure you have your reason.”
How long has Phainon been gone? It can’t have been only a minute. He should go check on him.
He quickly walks past Khaslana to go find Phainon, but before he can take another step further, his elbow is caught by a calloused hand, unfamiliar yet so familiar at the same time.
“Mydei, stop.”
“What do you want from me?” Fingers curl into fist. Mydei tries to keep his voice steady even though all he wants to do is to just get away from there, to find Phainon and be with him until the stormy clouds in his head dissipate. “You killed me in our previous life. I don't know why, but knowing you're you, you must have your own reason. If it's my forgiveness that you want, then I've long forgiven you.”
“Mydei.” Gritting his teeth, Khaslana gets on his feet and pulls him back. Mydei, however, plants his feet on the ground, refusing to turn around. “If you did forgive me, then you wouldn't treat me like a stranger.”
At this, Mydei finally looks at him, golden eyes flashing as he hisses, “You killed me in cold blood. Am I supposed to smile and hug you every time we meet and act like nothing happened?”
Khaslana grips his forearm. He's also getting heated, desperate. “You said you forgave me. Did you truly?”
“Answer me this, at least. Did you regret killing me?” Mydei asks, hurt and anger laced in his voice like poison that eats away at Khaslana’s heart with each word. “Did you feel even the slightest guilt leaving me there alone, in a pool of my own blood, right after you stabbed me?”
The grip on his arm loosens, and Mydei wastes no second yanking it free from Khaslana ’s grasp. His head is beginning to throb. He’s never felt an emotion this intense before, not even when he's fighting against Nikador. When silence stretches between them, Mydei speaks up again, his voice quiet like he just wants their conversation to be over and done with. “Look, don’t pretend you care about me. I’m fine with us just—”
His words seem to snap Khaslana out of his stupor as he gets wound up again, interrupting Mydei. “Who says I don’t care about you?”
Mydei lifts his head at the voice, and before he can do anything, Khaslana grabs him by the collar, teeth baring with a snarl. “Don’t you dare say I don’t care about you. In every lifetime, I had to watch you forget me and fall in love with my vessel over and over and over again while I fought to set us free from the loop.”
Mydei glares at him, keeping his lips sealed. There’s a pang of hurt and guilt in his chest, but it’s not his fault, no. He wasn't the one who started this argument.
“Even when I managed to break the loop—” Khaslana lets out a bitter laugh, “You still end up with him when you said you'd be with me in every lifetime.”
“Am I not with you in this lifetime?” Mydei shoots back in defense, his words as sharp as the broken blade that pierced his back once upon a time. He knows just how much Khaslana hates being reminded that he and Phainon used to be the same person, especially now that they're both separate people.
Khaslana ’s eyes narrow into slits, his grip in Mydei’s collar subconsciously tightened to the point where, if he applied a small force, it would be enough to rip his shirt. “Phainon and I are not the same person in this lifetime. Before him, it was me. All those lifetimes that you spent with 'Phainon', that was us. You were with me, not him.”
Mydei looks at him, eyes calm and leveled despite the raging storm in his chest. “And yet, in the end, you were the one who used my weakness to kill me.”
“Mydei…” Khaslana finally lets go of him and drags his hand down his face in frustration. In the end, it boils down to this.
“I trusted you,” Mydei's voice turns hoarse, but he perseveres, “to use my weakness when I eventually succumb to madness, not to put me out of your way for your own agenda.”
Mydei’s jaw clenches, like it’s taking everything within him to not scream his frustration out on the man standing in front of him. “When you took my life, you took my trust along with it. So while I’ve forgiven you for what you did to me, no, I don't trust you.”
Khaslana looks forlorn in front of him, and a part of Mydei, deep down inside, can’t help but go soft at the sight. It seems that no matter what version of Phainon is standing in front of him, he will always have a soft spot for him in his heart.
“The least you could do is talk and explain to me about everything. I might have a hard time understanding, but I would try to help because you’re you. If you truly were the Phainon that stood with me in my previous lifetimes…” Mydei pauses, then closes his eyes as his breathing turns shaky. “If you truly were the Phainon in my heart in my previous lifetimes, then you should already know that I would help you.”
“Mydei…” Khaslana looks at him, eyes rimmed red.
“I’m hurt not just because you used my weakness against me, but also because you didn’t trust me enough to tell the truth. You—” Mydei stops himself, then shakes his head and looks away to the side, where he doesn’t have to look at Khaslana, lest he, too, crumble. His voice is soft when he speaks next, but the underlying hurt is as loud as thunder. “You’d rather kill me than talk to me. Tell me, how am I supposed to take it?”
A gentle breeze flows past them, as if giving them a small reprieve. Khaslana takes a small step forward, and when Mydei doesn’t move away, he takes Mydei’s hand and places it on his chest. “Then, hurt me back. Kill me. Do whatever it takes to appease the anger in your heart.”
Mydei snaps his neck to look at Khaslana, finding that the other is deadly serious, and he tries to pull his hand back as he glares at him. “Are you insane? Do you know what you’re asking for?”
“Yes.” Khaslana replies without a moment of hesitation. He keeps Mydei’s hand pressed against his chest, refusing to let go no matter how hard Mydei tries to pull back. “A life for a life. I don’t mind as long as we can be like before again, even if I have to wait for another lifetime.”
And then, it’s as if all energy drains out of Mydei’s body in an instant. What are they doing? Things were peaceful between them minutes earlier, and then suddenly they were having a tense conversation that quickly escalated into an almost-physical argument, and then… and then Khaslana was offering his life to him…
The look in Khaslana’s eyes turns gentle, much like one Mydei sees often whenever Phainon looks at him. “Even when I stabbed you, my feelings for you never once faded. I was desperate to escape, and I couldn’t bear to watch you die in every loop again.
“I convinced myself that I was ready to face your anger in our next lifetime. I thought I’d be content with just watching you from afar, that as long as you’re happy, your hatred for me would be worth it.”
Through his shirt, Mydei can feel Khaslana’s heartbeat thumping steadily, strong, opposite to his own heart that's jackhammering against his ribcage this entire time.
Then, Khaslana’s other hand reaches out to cradle Mydei’s face, thumb stroking his cheek, and Mydei’s breath hitches in his throat. Khaslana’s gaze wanders all over his face, from the golden hair covering his forehead to the slope and the tip of his nose, and then it lingers on his lips, as if drinking every detail in, as if he’ll never get another chance to be this close again. “But I guess I’m greedy after all. Whenever I see you with Phainon, I want you to look at me like that too. I want to see you smile at me the way you do with him. I want to hear you laugh at something I said. I want to be able to hold you again.”
Khaslana flicks his gaze back up to meet his eyes again, and this time, Mydei can see something akin to a desperate pleading in his eyes. “I don’t want you to hate me, Mydeimos. Do you think you can trust me again?”
Mydei stares at him.
“If I earn your trust again, will we be okay again? Will we be just like before?” Then, the grip around Mydei's wrist tightens. “...will you let me into your heart again?”
Mydei bites the inside of his cheek.
If what Khaslana said is true…
If it’s true that they were trapped in a time loop…
If it’s true that he had spent his previous lifetimes with Khaslana …
If it’s true that his own memory was erased while Phainon’s soul and memories were carried by Khaslana in every cycle…
And if it’s true that Khaslana had gone through so much to set them free…
…then why is it that he can remember his previous lifetime with Phainon but none with Khaslana?
Unbidden, something slowly trickles down his face.
In front of him, Khaslana’s eyes widen in surprise, and a heartbeat later, Mydei’s too, when he finally registers what has happened. He quickly wipes the stray teardrop with the back of his hand, horrified.
Why… why did he cry?
“Mydei…” Khaslana’s whisper, heavy with sorrow, fills the space between them. Mydei takes a few steps back, freeing himself from Khaslana . Thankfully, Khaslana doesn’t protest as he lets his hands fall back to his sides.
Now that he finally has some room to breathe, he wills himself to calm down. He has always been a level-headed person, whether in his previous life or this current life. Even when he was provoked by Nikador, he managed to keep his emotions under control.
So why, when faced with Khaslana and hearing his confession, does he feel like he’s not in control of his own body and emotions?
He sits back down on the bench and presses a hand over his eyes. There’s no sound other than his own staggered breathing and the sea breeze blowing. Khaslana stands still at his previous spot.
A moment passes between them. Before Mydei can regret it, he opens his mouth and says, “That's a big if.”
There’s a sharp intake of breath, and Mydei drops his hand to look up at the other, gauging his reaction.
Hope flickers behind those sapphire eyes. “That’s not a no.”
Mydei quickly averts his gaze to somewhere behind Khaslana. “Phainon’s almost here.”
Khaslana's eye twitches in annoyance, though he still sits down next to Mydei. This time, Mydei doesn’t run away. “Can you stop bringing him up.”
“What, he's literally you.” Mydei quips, all just to annoy the other even further. This, he remembers how banters with Phainon are a quick way to bring the mood between them normal again, and it seems like the same method works with Khaslana too. “Two halves becoming one… my only regret is that I didn't live long enough to see you in all your glory.”
Sighing, Khaslana looks ahead at the ocean, eyes returning back to their usual dullness. “Not so much of a glory when I had to go through everything all over again just to find a way to escape that hellhole. Losing you in every lifetime was not worth it.”
“Well, you managed to escape it in the end.” Mydei comments quietly. “How did you find this world to your liking?”
“Would be a whole lot better if I could hold you to sleep every night.”
Mydei scoffs and rolls his eyes, but the tips of his ears turning a light shade of red doesn’t escape Khaslana’s observant eyes. “Phainon is already doing it anyway, so in a way, you already do.”
Khaslana clicks his tongue. “I told you he’s not me.”
Tickled by Khaslana’s annoyance and petty jealousy, Mydei can’t help the small smile on his face. It’s a wonder how he doesn’t feel weird anymore when talking with Khaslana. “It is pretty funny that after everything was over, instead of becoming one, both of you reincarnated as two different people again. Twins, at that. A soul having its own vessel, and a vessel having its own soul.”
Not one to be defeated, Khaslana only leans in until his breath tickles Mydei’s ear, and with a deadpan voice, he says, “I guess people won’t notice if you’re dating us both, then.”
Mydei covers his ear and pulls back, looking at him in alarm. “W— wait, what…”
Khaslana grabs Mydei’s chin, pleased at the deer-in-headlights look on the other’s face. The corner of his lips quirks up in a smirk, wicked and determined, and for once, there’s a brilliant light coming forth in his constantly exhausted eyes.
“Watch out, Mydeimos. After I earn your trust, I’ll win your heart again.” Then, in a softer, tender voice, he adds, “I’ll make sure your heart remembers me again.”
“What are you doing with my Mydei.”
Without even letting go of Mydei, Khaslana scowls at Phainon, who is casually yanking his hair to pull him away from Mydei. Mydei, on the other hand, glances at the plastic bag in Phainon’s other hand, slightly perking up interest. “Are those the ice creams?”
“Yup!” Phainon chirps as he hands the plastic bag to Mydei while keeping his grip on Khaslana’s hair. Khaslana pinches Phainon’s thigh in retaliation. “You’re in luck. That’s the last pomegranate-flavored ice cream in the store.”
Mydei begins to sift through the various ice creams and sodas inside the bag to find the one that Phainon bought specially for him. When he finally finds it, he immediately tears open the packaging and pops the sweet icy treat into his mouth.
“Let go of my leg.”
“Let go of my hair.”
With the twins bickering in the background, Mydei looks back towards the vast sea in front of him where it glimmers under the sun, feeling a sense of calmness washing over him every time the waves crash on the shore.
Perhaps it is, indeed, thanks to Khaslana that they can reincarnate into a beautiful, peaceful world—a world where none of them are tied to prophecies and godhood and bloodshed and simulation. A world where Phainon can be free without having the weight of the world on his shoulders. A world where Khaslana can spend his time however he wants without having to worry when his life will reset.
And a world where Mydei himself can spend his days in the library reading every single book without having to constantly fight and wonder when he will go mad.
Perhaps… having his life sacrificed for this is worth it after all.
But Khaslana doesn’t need to know that right now. Mydei is also curious to see what this scoundrel will do to win his trust and heart back.
“Mydei, don’t fall for his lies! In our previous life, you spent time with me, remember? You still remember that time when we competed to see who could last longer in a hot bath, right?”
“Don’t kid yourself. I shared more lifetimes with him. You only shared one.”
“I battled him for ten days and gave him his mother’s signet ring. We’re basically married already.”
“Do you think you’re the first to do that. Fool.”
“Who are you calling a fool, you bastard—”
Mydei smiles. What a beautiful world indeed.