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It was one of those summer days that made you feel like Hell, Hell just wasn't here. Vox felt the sun leave a warm glare over his screen as he walked the top of his tower, headed towards the water tank. The package in his hands wasn't big, but it was rather slippery.
At the edge of the pool, Vox sing-songed, "Shaaarks, it's dinner time! Shark dinner!" Immediately the water skin rippled as his water beasts rose up to the surface. He knelt and patted the shark snouts, his hands gentle and full of adoration. Unwrapping the package, he began to feed his pets with a selection of fish, gathered from his other water tanks. He watched with fascination as their jaws closed over the flesh, how blood flowed around their faces, how slick their skin looked in the scorching sun.
Lost in the task at hand, Vox hadn't noticed when Alastor creeping up next to him. That old-timey prick always had a way of sneaking up on people and staring at them silently with a shit-eating grin like if nothing ever happened. Vox made his lips into a tight line and stared back at the newcomer.
Some days he wasn't quite sure he liked keeping Al around. Then again, they get on much better than he and Valentino did. The VTower has calmed down considerably without their constant break-ups and make-ups.
Constant, that how his relationship with Alastor was too. Constant bickering, constant out-doing one another, constant killing sprees together, constant bonding over the airwaves. Constant rejections for sex. Constant loyalty.
"Why hello there, I see you've taken to spend this glorious day in the most asinine of ways. Taking care of your pitiful pet fish. Did you know sharks piss all the time?" Alastor's hands rested behind his back. Probably balled into fists, Vox thought. Fucker can't help but mock him, naturally.
"They don't have a urinary tract, they can't help it!" Vox's retaliation was more heated than he'd have planned.
"Just like you can't help but piss me off, no?"
Vox could swear Alastor's grin got wider, but he wasn't sure that was physically possible, so he scrapped that thought.
He exhaled sharply. "Doesn't matter. They can be absolutely wonderful. They're apex predators and come in a truly astonishing variety of shapes and sizes!" Vox's TV presenter buzz was effortless. "Hammerhead sharks can use their heads to pin stingrays against the sea floor! Now how's that for a cool shark fact?"
"Yes," Alastor agreed reluctantly, "but a lot of species are endangered. No survival instinct. Just like you bringing me to the tower."
"Hey, no one's keeping you hostage!" Al gave him a side-eye. Vox pretended he didn't see. "Sharks have been around for over 400 million years! And will remain for 400 more!" He lovingly stroked the snout of a shark with huge, bulging eyes, and a most peculiar set of teeth. They formed tear-shaped clumps along the jawline.
"Sharks have amazing vision, unlike you. This here frilled shark is a living fossil, just like certain someone who loves sneaking up on unsuspecting victims and creep others out instead of acting like a fucking normal person," Vox's glare could cut diamonds as he stared at his adversary.
"Well, my dear, they have skin that feels like sandpaper and no spine. Just like yourself." Vox opened his mouth in protest, but the barrage was far from over.
"You flip a shark over and its completely useless, immobile and ready to have his belly ripped open." Alastor looked down on Vox and twirled his staff. "They can't stop swimming or they stop breathing. Like you can't last a day without throwing more useless TV garbage at the good citizens of Pride. Sharks, unlike you, have no vocal chords. You could learn a thing or two from them."
Standing up with a finger stretched out to command attention, Vox still hasn't managed to get a word in edgewise.
"Not to mention tiger pups—called like a common dog, what a surprise—eat their siblings in the womb. Even I wouldn't go this low."
Vox's closed fists started shaking, he felt a shower of sparks and glitches cast over his screen.
"And with all that, they're less innocuous as a simple falling coconut. More people die from a stupid tree every year than the 'mighty' shark."
With his anger reaching a boiling point, Vox shot out, "But they have a sixth sense, thanks to their amupllae of Lorenzini they can close in on their pray by sensing electric fields in the water!"
Grabbing Al by the lapels, Vox dealt the final blow, "Lemme fucking show you how it works!"
A huge splash scattered water all around the shark tank as Vox threw Alastor in. Resurfacing soon, Alastor looked decidedly displeased and damp. "Fuck you," he exhaled with his head partially over the water.
"Have a good time getting to know these terrific creatures," Vox said softly, turning on his heel.
"Wait, wait! Vox! They'll ruin my coat!"
"Well I hope they ruin more than that," he spat out with distaste and teleported away. The view through the glass wall below will be most delicious.