Work Text:
To listen directly to the radio play, skip to 1:05:50!
Interior: The Chaotix Detective Agency
VECTOR awakens from a deep slumber on the couch, with an empty bag of chips strewn across his chest. He’s groggy and disoriented, but sees the familiar sight of the old CRT TV, and the clutter on the scuffed wooden coffee table.
VECTOR, who is half-awake: Huh? What happened last night?
He looks over at the three empty bottles of Chaos Cola on the table.
From behind the couch comes a laborious groan.
KNUCKLES: Fuck…
KNUCKLES (M, red echidna with a strong brow and a stronger right hook) sits up, two hands on the back of the couch for support. He swings his gaze also to the three empty bottles of Chaos Cola on the table.
KNUCKLES: Didn’t really think it was possible, but you won - fair and square. Won’t be challenging you to another drinking contest anytime soon, that’s for sure.
VECTOR: Knuckles? Oh jeez.
VECTOR sits up and rubs his face. Last night was a blur. He remembers the thump of loud music, a full room, and colorful lights flashing.
VECTOR: I must’ve gotten carried away there. Dang it, Espio’s gonna kill me…
VECTOR turns around to look at the room. It’s a mess. Picture frames were missing from their spots on the walls, and there’s a suspicious stain on the wall, and a puddle on the floor.
VECTOR: Hey, Espio? Charmy?
No answer.
KNUCKLES throws his head back to laugh and immediately regrets it.
KNUCKLES: Fuck… Yeah, no, you were a tornado out there. Couple drinks in and you were flashing your badge at the DJ, telling him his setup was now property of the Chaotix Detective Agency.
He pushes himself up to stand, glancing - uninterested - at the mess in the room.
KNUCKLES: It was for the better, you brought the house down.
He shrugs and stretches and makes to leave the building, taking with him the only active memory of last night.
KNUCKLES: Well, see you ‘round.
VECTOR: Wait wait wait! Knux!
VECTOR hurries into a stand, chasing after the echidna with a stumble in his step.
VECTOR: You know where the kids are?
VECTOR turns around again, double checking the empty room.
VECTOR, calling out once again: You guys? You there?
KNUCKLES winces and turns back to the man with a groan, hands up to soothe him.
KNUCKLES: Would you stop it already? They’re fine . Sheesh, the Chaos Cola really did a number on you…
VECTOR: Yeah, I know. I said that.
KNUCKLES: Okay pal, sure you did. Look, I took you out as thanks for closing that missing Chao case. Things got a little out of hand, we did a little wrestling in the living room, and then crashed. That’s it -
VECTOR, half listening, walks over to inspect the mysterious liquid on the floor with disgust.
VECTOR: Is that– That better not be piss on my floor!
KNUCKLES: - Espio and Charmy split early, they went off with some girls from the club.
VECTOR, looking over his shoulder incredulously: You’re telling me Espio picked up CHICKS? [ a pause. ] Plural?!
KNUCKLES: …More like Espio and the chicks mutually agreed that the club was too loud and that they had Switch games, wine, and charcuterie back at their place.
KNUCKLES thinks back. Hard.
KNUCKLES: Now that I’m thinkin’ about it, they were pretty cool girls. And impeccably dressed. With amazing hair. Here, I think their place is close-
Vector pulls out his phone and squints, waving at Knuckles with a free hand.
VECTOR: Eh, I got this. I got Charmy on Find My iPhone. He tends to run off a lot.
VECTOR opens the app to see CHARMY’s location load on the screen. He blinks once, then twice. Shaking his head, he refreshes the app, only to give the same location:
VECTOR: … By the Pizza Hut?
KNUCKLES pulls the door open, squinting unhappily into the daylight.
KNUCKLES: You mean… that Pizza Hut?
He points directly across the street at the Pizza Hut.
KNUCKLES: C’mon, let’s go get ‘em. I’m sure those cool, likable, stylish girls want their peace back.
VECTOR groans, following Knuckles begrudgingly out of the house out to the street.
VECTOR, grumbling: Yeah, sure, don’t let Rouge hear you talk like that.
VECTOR and KNUCKLES barely glance at the street, before crossing the middle of the empty street. They walk just past the pizza hut, to a small, dilapidated building with a pink, peeling wooden door.
VECTOR: Well, here it is.
“PSYCHICS HERE” reads a worn tin sign. And - underneath it, added in sharpie (AND DETECTIVES). A neon sign blinks in the closed and drawn window: a jam jar in a tarot card.
VECTOR, grumbling: The Chao- Chicks Detective Agency. How original.
VECTOR, aside: I shoulda listened to Espio and filed with the copyright office.
KNUCKLES cracks a half-smile, arms crossed as he jokes.
KNUCKLES: I don’t know, something about this place seems real charming, don’t you think?
He reaches out and knocks on the door, but before he makes contact -
BOOM. The door swings open. A bug-eyed bee with blue hair looks up at them eagerly.
BEE: Oh, wow, hi! Yes, I knew it! Espio, Charmy! They’re here for you!
She offers VECTOR a smile.
BEE: Strawbz! Vector is here, come say hi!
Vector, stiffly: Uh– Yeah. Yeah, I am.
STRAWBERRY groans loudly, stomping to the door like a brat.
STRAWBZ: Ughhhh fiiine.
STRAWBERRY looks at VECTOR and KNUCKLES, mildly disinterested.
STRAWBZ: Uh. Hi. Yeah, they uh, they’ve just been hanging out in the back. They had some breakfast already.
VECTOR: Oh. Uh, thanks. ‘Preciate it.
STRAWBZ: Yeah no prob. Killer party by the way. You have some moves, Echidna.
KNUCKLES shrugs but he is OBVIOUSLY pleased with himself.
Knuckles: Yeah, I guess I do.
ESPIO slips between BEE and STRAWBERRY, offering polite nods of thanks as he goes.
ESPIO: We appreciate your kindness, Bee and Strawbz. See you next week for brunch - and don’t forget to send me that 30 minute soda bread recipe.
VECTOR, incredulous: Brunch?!
CHARMY barrels through the girls, vibrating with excitement.
CHARMY: Vector! You came!! I had so much fun, they’re the best! First we got to go on their podcast, and then we played Mario Kart and Espio LOST, and then, and then we got to have some Char- charmy cutie–
ESPIO: Char cuterie.
CHARMY: CharCootie board, and they gave me melon soda because I can’t have wine! It was so yummy! And then we watched Barbie and had a big slumber party!
With the pack of four boys gathered, BEE and STRAWBZ wave them out.
BEE: Hope you guys get some good rest, you really look like you need it. Come back over any time!
She begins to close the door then looks back up in shock - remembering something imperative.
BEE: OH! And Vector -
VECTOR flinches, freezing in his tracks, before looking back at Bee reluctantly.
BEE: DON’T go out again next friday. I found a card, this morning, on my dresser. I thought, who needs to hear this? Why? Why now? And it’s only struck me here, in this moment. It was for you. If you go out again, history is bound to repeat itself. If you go out again, you will know nothing but UNYIELDING DARKNESS.
She pulls a card from nowhere, holding it out for him to see. Indeed, unyielding darkness. Then, she snaps out of it, shrugging with embarrassment as she shuts the door.
BEE: Or, y’know, just take what resonates. No biggie! Chao!
VECTOR stares at BEE, visibly spooked, before realizing he has to respond.
VECTOR: Uh– Yeah, yeah. Thanks for the uh, heads up.
As the boys walk away, VECTOR shudders.
VECTOR: Yeah, uh, next weekend, I’m staying in.