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The Echidna were a fierce, proud race, sworn to their sacred duty to protect the Master Emerald.
Or at least, that’s how Knuckles remembers them. They are the last remaining member of their clan, the only Echidna left alive. The details are foggy at best, their entire past and heritage a murky swamp within their mind.
Despite the uncertainty on the finer details, in Knuckles’ mind the figures of their ancestors tower over them. They appear almost ominous in the sheer strength they possess, the power they hold over others, the dedication to their duty. Up, up, up on a pedestal Knuckles could never hope to reach.
They may not be the sharpest sword in the armoury, but Knuckles feels the weight of their ancestors. It sits upon their shoulders, constant pressure and pain. It acts as shackles, attached to each one of their limbs, a constant, unshakeable heaviness.
It’s that weight that makes one thing clear to Knuckles: since they are the only one left, it’s up to them to live up to the legacy set out before them.
They don’t know how their ancestors would react if they discovered the doubts they are having about their gender. No one else knows, but just thinking it to themself - that they are a they - sends their heart pounding ferociously against their ribcage.
Perhaps their ancestors would be okay with it, or perhaps they wouldn’t. Regardless, Knuckles is doing everything they can to make them proud in other ways, making up for their potential failures in the gender realm.
They’ll be the strongest, most fearsome Echidna Warrior yet. They’ll protect the Emerald with all their might, and prove they are worthy of the past they possess.
It sounds a lot easier in their head than it is in practice. Even something as simple as clothing becomes a monumental struggle for them.
Of course, they don’t tend to wear clothes. They can agree with Sonic and Tails that trousers are awful things, restrictive and, quite frankly, ugly.
That doesn’t mean they want to remain entirely lacking in accessories and pretty fabrics. Too often they catch themself admiring Amy’s multitude of dresses, the ways different fabrics swish in entirely unique ways around her form.
They have to forcibly cut those thoughts off when the edges of them become tinged with green. They can remember their clan well enough to vaguely picture the men’s outfits in their mind. The finer details are lost to time, but they are certain that their father wore a skirt.
In their mind, it means they could, too.
Nevertheless, their clan certainly wouldn’t approve of jealous thoughts. No matter how badly they wish to ask her where she gets them, or if they could borrow one, just for a day, they cannot. It would simply be immoral.
Knuckles does, however, allow themself to compromise. They certainly can’t wear jewellery unless it’s traditional, they know that much, and they have none of the proper pieces.
However, they do have bandages. Of course, it’s not really an alternative. They have none of the shine or gems that jewellery does. Yet, when they wrap it around their wrists or ankles, they can imagine that the weight against their skin is from something else. From delicate gold chains, or beaded strings.
They don’t do anything drastic like switching out their shoes or buying a dress, but the little compromise is enough to help them feel like themself.
───── ✿ ─────
April Fools Day, Knuckles has decided, is the worst day of the entire year.
They are well aware that they’re not bright academically, or even just in general. They can’t even read, but it’s never been a massive problem. They’re smart where it counts to them - in battle, and in topics they ponder frequently, like gender.
Yet April Fools is another kind of hell entirely. Just because they’re aware that they aren’t smart doesn’t mean they appreciate the constant reminders of it, and their gullibility is their greatest weakness.
What would their ancestors, what would their own father, think if they could see them? Completely fooled even by the simplest of lies, not strong or unyielding in the slightest.
It seems as if every April Fools is a constant torrent of deceit, reminder after reminder of their inadequacy piled upon them with no end in sight. This one is no different; it starts the moment they enter Sonic’s shack.
“Knuckles, you’ve got something on your shirt,” Sonic comments, brows furrowed in concern.
Knuckles immediately whips his head downwards to examine the dirt. They’re certain no proper Echidna would be seen with dirt staining their attire.
The problem with Sonic’s statement becomes apparent immediately, for they’re not even wearing anything.
Knuckles sighs deeply. “That’s not funny,” they say slowly, taking deep breaths to keep their cool.
Sonic, however, immediately cracks up with peals of laughter.
“You’re not wearing a shirt!” he manages between gasps for air, pointing an almost accusatory finger at Knuckles.
“Ha, ha,” Knuckles snaps mirthlessly, mentally shaking themself. No proper member of the Echidna Clan would allow themself to be fooled like this, even with something as trivial as a harmless joke.
That first joke is just the tip of the iceberg. Throughout the day, Knuckles is subjected to countless tricks. And, of course, they fall for every last one.
“Knuckles, watch out, pole!” Amy screeches, not even an hour later, making them stop in their tracks suddenly. Yet, when they open their eyes, the path before them is entirely empty. Amy just laughs, before skipping off ahead.
“Knuckles, why are you green?!” Sticks joins in, not long after. “You better come here so I can fix it!”
She has found herself once more locked behind bars, so Knuckles really ought to have been on their guard. She constantly targets them to escape, yet the act she performs tricks them every time.
They inevitably fall for her ploy, smashing the wall open, and allowing her to run off. She pokes her tongue out at them just before vanishing from sight, and all they can do is kick themself mentally.
“Knuckles!” Tails exclaims, not long after. He runs into the room, shaking convincingly. “Your bad luck transferred to me again, and one of my tails got ch-chopped off!”
He screeches the words with all the power of his lungs, and Knuckles immediately jumps up from their seat.
“Tails!” they exclaim, covering their mouth with their hands. Only one of his tails is visible, drooping sadly out from behind his back. The expression on his face matches, all scrunched up like a ball of paper.
Until it’s not. His face smooths out into a grin, and his other tail pops out from where it was - simply hidden behind his back.
“Got you!” he crows.
“That’s not funny,” Knuckles finds themself repeating, only this time more firmly. “I thought you got hurt.”
Tails pauses, delight melting from his face. “Oh.”
“None of these jokes are funny!” Knuckles continues, turning slightly so that Amy and Sonic, who are lurking nearby to witness the prank, can hear them as well. “And they’re all at my expense!”
Clearly sensing their genuine distress, Amy steps forwards. Everything about her movements screams gentleness, a wish to care.
Her face, though, tells a different story. The look on her face is pity, plain and simple.
Knuckles hates pity. There’s no way his ancestors, the mighty warriors, would ever have been looked at with a pitying gaze.
They’ve already disappointed them, shamed their memory, many times today. What’s one more?
Knuckles flees the scene. They tell themself it’s an angry storming off, something their clan would have at least a chance of approving.
Deep down, they know they’re retreating like a coward.
───── ✿ ─────
The waters don’t stay rocky between them and their friends for long. Knuckles thinks they’re all probably incapable of leaving things on such bad terms.
The others apologise, and Knuckles is left with a strange warm sensation within their chest. Their heart feels lighter, somehow.
Most members of the Knuckles Clan wouldn’t settle things like this, they think. With a civil conversation, genuine apologies. Their ancestors probably wouldn’t even need apologies; they’d be too fearsome to deny.
Smoothing things over leaves their mood considerably improved, though, so Knuckles tries to forget their ancestors, for once.
They certainly don’t complain when they get together with their friends to play a round of football. It’s a steadfast way to ensure that everyone is reminded of their strength after such a shameful incident.
It all comes down to a penalty kick, taken by Amy. Her speech as she prepares for her attempt to score seems to light something within Knuckles.
“Can the young woman break the glass ceiling, and prove once and for all that a female can be just as good an athlete as a male?” she asks, standing triumphantly with a foot on the ball as if she has already won.
Knuckles’ eye practically twitches at her words.
“You know, Amy,” they begin, the words tumbling out of them before they can stop them. It’s certainly unwise to say what they’re itching to, for there’s no doubt it will alert everyone that they know way too much about gender for someone supposedly cis and confidently so.
The words keep coming anyway.
“Any time someone calls attention to the breaking of gender roles, it ultimately undermines the concept of gender equality by implying that this is an exception, and not the status quo,” they say, raising an eyebrow to emphasise their point.
The look on everyone’s faces can only be described as gobsmacked. Every single one of them looks at them, jaws on the floor and eyes unnaturally wide.
“What? Just because I’m a meathead doesn’t mean I’m not a feminist,” Knuckles points out with a shrug.
Throughout the match, Knuckles tries to hype themself up. They’re certain that their words sparked suspicion in everyone there, but in the end it’s only Amy who approaches them, pulling them aside after the match.
“You certainly seem to know a lot about gender,” she says, cutting right to the heart of the matter.
Suddenly, Knuckles doesn’t feel so brave.
“Aha, yeah,” they chuckle awkwardly in an attempt to brush it off.
“Knuckles, my gaydar is more on point than any one of Tails’ machines,” Amy deadpans, face entirely unimpressed. “Obviously I’m not going to make you come out to me, but when you are ready, come to me, okay?”
Her words feel like a safety net, waiting for them if they so much as stumble. Here’s a friend who cares, who is willing to listen. Who not only noticed something was up, but was willing to step in and fix it.
Knuckles vowed to themself that they wouldn’t tell anyone. It was one last thing they could do to appease and honour their ancestors.
Their mouth opens all the same.
“I’m not a guy. Or a girl,” they add, in case the statement is confusing.
“Thank you for telling me,” Amy replies warmly. “If you ever need help telling anyone, I’ll be here. And if you ever need me to beat up a transphobe, you better believe I will.” The look on her face becomes practically murderous, but Knuckles just grins.
“Thanks, Amy,” they reply, mouth almost hurting from the force of their smile. “I don’t think I’m ready for anyone else to know, though.”
“Take your time,” Amy urges. “I’ll be here when you’re ready.”
───── ✿ ─────
It seems that Amy knowing amplifies even the slightest dysphoria they experience. Not due to her, but due to the fact that they’ve spoken it aloud. There’s no taking those words back, and now they are not alone in the knowledge of their gender.
Being referred to as him becomes even more of a grating experience. That single word sounds worse to them than nails scraping down a chalkboard. Every time they hear it, it’s like being slammed down to Earth, all happiness shattered by the reminder that they were born in the wrong skin.
There’s not even a right skin, not for them. That hurts worst of all.
It all comes to a boiling point when he walks into Sonic’s shack one evening, to discover an ongoing strength competition.
Shadow is over, which makes sense with the fierce games going on within. Sonic is desperate to show off to his new boyfriend, and Shadow’s own competitive nature more often than not leads to completely random rivalries.
“Knuckles!” Sonic beams. “The perfect guy to join our strength competition!”
Knuckles tries to brush off the shudder he experiences at the word guy, and instead looks around the shack. The entire place is wrecked, more so than usual, clear evidence that a whirlwind of a competition has begun in this place.
“How are we competing?” Knuckles asks.
“Arm wrestles,” Sonic replies with a wickedly sharp grin. “Tournament style, one loss and you’re out.”
They all pair up. Knuckles is against Tails first, who gulps, clearly internally accepting his loss.
Lose he does. Knuckles makes it all the way up to the final round, where they’re pitted against Shadow.
Sonic has lost all interest in the competition now that he can’t impress Shadow, so Amy steps in and referees the last match.
Knuckles grips Shadow’s hand, glaring into his eyes as Amy counts down for them to start. The moment she commands it, the two begin grappling furiously, pushing each other’s hand with all their might.
For a moment, it looks as if Shadow will win, as he begins sweeping Knuckles’ hand to just inches away from the tabletop. With a burst of strength, Knuckles takes the win, shoving Shadow’s hand down.
They cheer, standing up and receiving a high five from Tails.
“Awesome!” he cheers, slapping his palm against Knuckles’.
“That was super manly,” Sonic groans, sounding decidedly put out.
It seems as if, once more, Knuckles isn’t in control of their own mouth. It runs away with itself, again.
“Actually, I’m not a man,” they correct. “Or a woman.”
There’s a brief silence, presumably as everyone processes their words.
“Damn, I’m so sorry, ma-” Sonic cuts himself off. “Uh, buddy? Pal?” He shakes his head furiously. “Anyway, that doesn’t matter, I’m sorry.”
Knuckles blinks. “Thank you,” they respond.
“Ohh, that makes so much sense!” Tails says brightly, his words immediately warming Knuckles’ heart. Being utterly seen and known can’t be described, so they just grin at him instead.
“Thank you for telling us!” Tails adds.
“Amy already knew,” Knuckles tells them all.
She mock salutes, before stepping forwards and wrapping Knuckles in a hug. Everyone else (bar Shadow) piles in too, wrapping Knuckles in warmth and affection. They soak it in like a sponge, a thought forming in their brain for the first time. Not an easily digestible one, but one that begins to clutch tightly at their consciousness, entwining itself around them.
Perhaps what my ancestors think doesn’t matter when compared to what these guys think. Maybe all that matters is the love that I have, not the love that may have been.
───── ✿ ─────
Knuckles takes their new thought and guards it as if it’s treasure. The moments of doubt, moments when they can feel their ancestors right on their heels, don’t vanish, but they learn to ignore them.
They buy a skirt. Several, actually, and even some dresses. Jewellery too, of course - everything that makes up how they wish to be seen.
Their heart pounds like crazy when they go out in a dress for the first time. Their palms sweat, their head spins-
Yet, when Sonic sees them, he grins.
“Long time no see!” he calls, and Knuckles can’t stop the smile that spreads across their face in return.