Chapter Text
I didn’t come to college to fall for anyone, I came to disappear quietly. And that’s exactly what I did, for a good 3 minutes. Turns out, college doesn’t let you disappear. Not really, not at all.
By the time orientation started the room was already way too crowded with freshmen pretending not to notice each other, but I felt like there were eyes on me. Maybe there was, maybe I’m schizophrenic. (or maybe it was due to my crippling anxiety about such a trivial matter?)
The sound of shuffling feet and my mind yelling “abort mission.” At me made everything way too loud and complicated for me to focus on just one thing. I decided I’m not gonna cry in public, especially not in the first day of college. Reluctantly, I’m leaving orientation early.
I walked as fast as my feet could take me out the door without it seeming like I’m having a full blown panic attack (am I?).
Though to my despair, outside wasn’t better by any means. Even out there were too many people, too many maps, and I pretended to check my phone just so I wouldn’t have to talk to anyone. That however, didn’t do me any good. I heard steps getting closer, followed by a tap on my shoulder. What— oh gosh. The tap was light, even so, it made my whole body stiffen.
“hello there beautiful.. you come around these parts often?” Who— what. Did he just, yeah, no, that was flirting. Possibly misgendered and flirted with within my first 10 minutes of being here. Great. I’m already sick of this place.
My heart is telling to keep this going, that hey, he’s just mistaken, and I need someone by my side anyway. But I’m already overwhelmed by the amount of people around, and I’m still holding my suitcase I forgot to drop at my dorm, I should shut this down, so I can get all this over with.
“I’m a man.” In that moment, I hoped that’s the end of it. But Unfortunately, I am Sigma. And due to that fact, nothing will ever go my way. Not in my life. He gave me a smile, one way too intimate to be someone who’d give up after hearing they just misgendered a random stranger.
“Well that’s alright, You need any help finding your way around Campus? I know this place like the back of my hand!” No. I don’t need help, not from a random guy. none at all.
“Oh, uh.. sure, I guess, thanks.” As if God (or whoever’s up there) enjoyed watching me suffer, my heart spoke for me. Now I’m pretty much obligated to take help from this man I don’t even know the name of. Seriously, does my luck ever take a break?
He dramatically put his hand over his mouth and gasped before finally making his name known. “Oh! I just noticed I never introduced myself, the name’s Dazai, Osamu Dazai! And you?”
Dazai. Now that I really look at him, he doesn’t look that bad. At all. He seems about my age, he has short brown hair and hazel eyes, his gaze was weirdly the opposite of expected, comforting. I paused for a moment, right.
“My name’s Sigma.” He tilted his head at me, no surprise there. After all, I don’t have what every normal human possesses. a last name. Even then, he smiled. He reached out his hand to shake mine. Somehow now is when I noticed the bandages along his arms, not just his arms, but his neck as well. It seemed as if they were all over his body, actually.
I reached out my hand as well, to shake his. A simple gesture, but still kind, reassuring. He didn’t have a great first impression, but I think if the good outweighs the bad in a person, I can at least try my best to get along with them. No matter how annoying they are. Even if I swore to myself I wouldn’t.
“I think that’s a sweet name, let’s get going, shall we?” He pulled out his phone, for a map I’m guessing (didn’t he say he knew the campus like the back of his hand?) and— oh. oh dear. He didn’t let go of my hand. I think my brain just short-circuited. And not in a cute way.
This guy’s intentions are really all over the place now, first he hits on me, acts friendly, now he’s acting way too romantic, holding hands is a thing for lovers. We are strangers. Yet, I can’t let go. What is wrong with me.
“Dazai- you’re still holding my hand.” He stopped and looked back at me like a confused cat. Am I making this too much of a big deal? Maybe this is normal. I mean, what would I know anyways.
“I know, it’s just so I can guide you better, wouldn’t want you getting lost. I can let go if you want me to” oh. So I did interpret it wrong, I’m mildly embarrassed now, and I just met him. Way to make things weird, Sigma! sadly I have a feeling this will happen often, overthinking is one of my standard emotions along with happiness, sadness, and paralyzing anxiety.
As we walked I at least tried to look a little confident but I am basically a walking question mark, I think I stumbled or tripped over rocks over 6 times. Embarrassing.
He took me all around campus, to the dorms (so I could drop my two thousand pound suitcase off), library, dining hall, and to the study lounges etc. the whole entire time he was using a map, and he got lost as many times as I tripped. This at least relieved my anxiety a little about seeming like a nervous wreck in front of someone who could possibly be a friend to me.
By the end of it, we were both tired. It had been about 2 hours after orientation ended and for half of this “tour” we were just walking around aimlessly, hand in hand. We exchanged numbers (platonically) and he dropped me off at my dorm, gave me a gesture saying “good luck” then sauntered off like he was the proudest man in the world.
What a strange guy. Anyway, I’m not sure if I have a roommate or not, if this goes the way I want it to (which if you can’t tell by now, never happens.) I won’t have one. But again, when does anything ever go the way I want it to.
I gently opened the door, at first, I saw nothing but my bed and suitcase on the right side of the room, hope flickered, but quickly died out. As I pushed open the door I noticed a white-haired man, one who looked slightly older than me, sitting on his bed, kicking his feet like a child.
I can already tell he’s gonna be a pain to deal with.