Archive of Our Own

Tonight, the world wasn’t so bad, Satine thought, as she lay on the grass.

The small team had stumbled upon one of the few remaining green landscapes that once covered Mandalore. There were even some trees that would provide a fine cover for the night. The sky was already dark, but Satine didn’t want to sleep. She only wanted to stay atop the grass and watch the millions of stars that shone across the sky.

Footsteps came from behind her, and Satine flinched as she turned around to check for attackers. Instead, she was greeted by a familiar face.

“Relax, it’s only me”, Obi-Wan said with a laugh. He cupped her face and pressed a soft kiss on her lips. Satine welcomed the warmth that always came with his presence. She loved him truly, though it had taken her a while to admit it.

“Come, lie down”, she said, patting the ground next to her, and Obi-Wan obliged.

The night was cold, so she snuggled closer to him.

“Can you recognize any of the stars?”, she asked.

“Satine, I’m no astronomer”, he said with a laugh. “I have learnt to recognize the constellations, but naming individual stars is a whole other thing.”

“I think this one”, Satine said, pointing at one particularly shinny dot on the sky, “must be the Ordo System. It’s close enough to Mandalore for its light to be brighter than the others.”

Obi-Wan seemed to consider that.

“But this star over there is brighter”, he countered. “Wouldn’t that be the star closest to Mandalore?”

“No, this star definitely isn’t brighter than mine.”

“Excuse me, when exactly did you claim the first star as ‘yours’?”

“About five seconds ago.”

“You’re impossible”, Obi-Wan said, shaking his head.

“You like me that way, though”.

He sighed.

“I do. I like you much more than I should.”

He turned to face her, as they both lay on the grass, and ran his fingers through her hair. It had grown past her shoulders in the last few months. Satine wasn’t exactly fond of it, but she enjoyed Obi-Wan’s interest in braiding her hair, or simply twisting the locs in his fingers.

His hand moved to her cheek, once so soft, but now her skin was dry and harsh from the mild dehydration they were all accustomed to, and from scratches she’d gotten in pursuits through rocks and forests. Still, he looked at her as if she was an angel that had dropped from the heavens.

“Have I told you how beautiful you are?”, the young Jedi asked.

“Many times, but it doesn’t hurt to hear it once more”, Satine said with a smile.

She pulled him closer, kissing him under the moonlight. She wished she could pause time, so that she’d never have to face the war or the ruins of her world, so that she could stay forever in his arms, surrounded by nature, the stars being the only witnesses of their love. Her heart felt whole, complete in a way it hadn’t felt for years. She didn’t realize what she was thinking until the words had left her mouth.

“I love you”, she whispered in between two kisses.

She felt Obi-Wan freeze momentarily, but then he wrapped his arms around her and deepened the kiss. He rose slightly, so that he had her pinned against the ground, and Satine knew she shouldn’t be finding this so hot, but she had long ago stopped trying to keep her thoughts proper.

As she put her arms around his neck, unwanted thoughts swarmed her mind, about how both of them were supposed to be responsible and careful, but if only she could-

A noise came from behind them, the sound of a man clearing his throat, and the two of them pulled away in a second.

“How about you stop eating each other’s faces and help me out with making a fire?”, Qui-Gon suggested, who had just returned from gathering woods to burn.

“Yes, master”, Obi-Wan said, as he quickly scrambled to get up. Despite the darkness, Satine could see that his cheeks had turned red, and he kept his eyes on the ground, refusing to look at his master in the eye.

He really needs to let go of his shame, Satine thought. She wasn’t shameless either, but she had no trouble meeting Master Qui-Gon’s questioning look.

Sure, you caught me making out with your padawan, Satine hoped to convey through her unbothered expression. So what? Yes, I kiss him, and I’d fuck him if he let me.

Okay, maybe she was a little shameless.

But she loved Obi-Wan, and she wasn’t going to let some archaic rule against attachments get in her way. She only wished that he didn’t have to compromise his beliefs for her. That he wouldn’t feel as if he was betraying the Jedi code simply by loving her. She didn’t want their relationship to be something he regretted, or something he was embarrassed of. Mostly, she just wanted him to be happy.

•———•———•

They were staying in the only inn of a town small enough to pose no threat. Or at least that was the general idea. Bounty hunters usually kept to the big cities, not bothering with faraway villages. Hopefully, that would mean they’d be safe here, at least for a little while.

Satine was sitting by the window, though she kept the curtains drawn. Even here, even at dusk, there was risk of her being recognized.

Next to her, Obi-Wan peeked outside.

“The streets are empty”, he said, turning to his master. “Do you think it’s safe enough for a walk?”

The older Jedi considered that.

“Yes, it should be safe, as long as you keep your hoods over your heads and stay away from any crowds.”

The boy’s face lit up.

“Great, thanks master!”

He took Satine’s hand and led her towards the door.

The night was chilly, but Satine wasn’t going to complain about that. When she did, Obi-Wan always teased her about how she never had to face cold before because she’d had the childhood of a princess. It was true, of course, but it hadn’t stopped her from biting back with ‘at least I had a childhood, I wasn’t taught to force down my emotions while being a literal kid, like you Jedi do.’ It was in their early days when she’d said that, and Obi-Wan had refused to speak to her for hours. In the end, it was some other quarrel that had made them talk again. Now, she almost laughed at the memory.

“So, where are we going?”, Satine asked as they crossed a tiny street lined with smooth rocks.

“I want to show you something”, Obi-Wan said, offering little to no explanation. “I found it today when I visited the market, and I thought you would like it.”

Well, that man definitely knew how to peak her interest.

They turned into a much wider road, where the morning market must have been held. But Obi-Wan didn’t pause there. He led her into what looked like an alley, its walls made of bricks that had been covered with a thousand drawings.

He produced a glowrod- much safer than his lightsaber- from a pocket of his tunic and cast light across the wall. When he found the design he’d been looking for, a gasp escaped Satine’s mouth.

A long white flower, a calla lily, a peace lily covered the wall from the top to the floor. It was so beautifully drawn, so realistic, that Satine could hardly believe it was merely a drawing. Across the stem, three words were written: ‘vercopa naak parjir’. I wish peace will win. More literally, “May peace be victorious”.

She traced the art the her fingers, slowly, as if in a trance. It was beautiful, but what mattered most to her was the meaning behind it. Before she knew it, there were tears in her eyes. She didn’t have time to hide it; Obi-Wan noticed immediately, and he pulled her in a hug.

“You once told me these flowers are your favorite ones”, he said. “And when I saw this, well, I had to show you.”

Satine pulled away slightly, looking at him in the eyes.

“Thank you”, she whispered.

He caressed her cheek gently, placing a soft kiss on her lips before looking back at the art that stood behind.

“Do you know the meaning of these words?”, Satine asked him, pointing at the markings at the stem of the flower. Obi-Wan wasn’t very familiar with Satine’s native language, so she was surprised when he nodded.

“May peace be victorious”, he said. “Is that what got you crying?”

She was about to get defensive, but he wasn’t mocking her for her tears. He simply sounded curious.

“Yes. These words, this art… it means there are others out there who haven’t lost hope either. Others who believe peace will prevail, people whose kindness hasn’t been extinguished by all this cruelty. After all the violence we have endured, it’s easy to forget I’m not the only one who wants to put an end to all this madness of the war. With everyone fighting, I forget there are other people out there who still support peace too.”

Her eyes had dried now, and she turned her gaze from the art back to her beloved Jedi.

“Thank you for leading me here”, she said inching closer to his face for a kiss. “I love you.”

•———•———•

The Sundari palace wasn’t nearly as welcoming as she’d remembered. It was as if the lives that had been lost now haunted the walls of this place. She didn’t know how she would manage being alone in this halls. She’d have to get used to it, because she would be alone soon.

Only one week had passed since their return to the palace, since the end of the war, but the Jedi were assigned to leave the following day. Satine knew she would have to say goodbye eventually, but she had thought she’d have more time.

The past week had been a blur, with too many responsibilities for which Satine had been prepared her whole life. She knew what she had to do, every action she would have to take to ensure she’d be respected, to ensure peace would last.

Her rushed coronation as ruler of Mandalore wasn’t the way Satine had dreamed of it as a kid, but it couldn’t matter less. She had a wrecked planet to rebuild, and a broken heart she couldn’t let get in her way. But tonight was their last night together.

He’d stayed in her room in the past few nights, and she reassured him that, even if anyone found out, everyone had much worse problems to cater to than who the young duchess brought to her bed. So they’d set aside all their promises of being responsible and let themselves enjoy the little time they had left.

“I love you”, Satine whispered under the covers, as Obi-Wan traced circles on her bare back. Maybe if they stayed hidden beneath the bedsheets, they could delay the dawn that would take him away from her. She laid her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. “I don’t know if I’ll ever get the chance to tell you again.”

She’d told him before, multiple times. It hadn’t escaped her notice that he’d never said it back, but that wouldn’t stop her from repeating it as often as she could.

“Satine, I…”, his voice trailed off in the dark. “I care about you so much, sometimes it scares me. You could ask anything of me, and I’d do it.”

She knows what he’s implying. They know each other well enough by now to read between the lines of what they say. But she won’t do it, she’ll never ask him to stay. How could she? How utterly selfish would it be to ask him to leave behind the only life he’s ever known, to stay with her in a ruined planet where he might never feel like he belongs?

“I won’t ask anything from you, Obi”, Satine whispered. She tilted her head back and pressed a kiss on his neck. “I just wanted you to know how much I love you.”

“I- Satine, I…” he’ll never complete that sentence, she knows it. And it’s not because he doesn’t love her enough to say it. It’s because he loves her too much.

“I’m not saying it just to hear it back, Obi”, she said, regretting the hint of annoyance in her tone. “You don’t have to say it. I only wanted you to know it.”

He stayed quiet for a while after that, and Satine thought perhaps he’d fallen asleep. They hadn’t gotten any sleep that night, and it was nearly sunrise.

Satine’s breath hitched when he spoke again.

“Among the Jedi, even the word, love , it’s as good as forbidden. The positive aspect of it is referred to as compassion, and the negative as attachment. I don’t think I’d heard anyone speaking it out loud before… before you.”

“Promise me something”, Satine blurted out before she could think better of it.

“Anything”, Obi-Wan said, his voice full of expectation.

“Promise me we’ll see each other again one day.”

He took her hand, which previously lay on his chest, and brought her knuckles to his lips.

“I promise.”

She closed her eyes and accepted this as the only vow they could give each other. Then she whispered in the dark: “ret’urcye mhi”.

She had explained to Obi-Wan that this phrase, although it was most often used as goodbye, literally meant “maybe we’ll meet again.” Their oath, in both their languages.

•———•———•

•———•———•

And he kept his promise. He only wished it wasn’t yet another war that had brought them together. Still, after Satine’s short time on Coruscand, it was impossible to keep pretending their feelings were in the past. When the two of them got stuck in an elevator in the senate building for over an hour -seriously, why couldn’t the senate get their elevators checked for repairs more often? Oh, right, because they’re bankrupt due to the war- their bickering had build up too much tension. They were either going to have an actual fight, or deal with their feelings. The latter happened when Satine tripped over her dress, Obi-Wan caught her in his arms, and before either of them knew what was happening, their lips found one another and Satine kissed him hard against the elevator wall as he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer.

There was really no way of convincing themselves that their relationship was in the past after that.

Two days later, Obi-Wan lay on Satine’s bed, staring at the ceiling.

“What are we going to do?”

“Don’t ask me”, the duchess laughed. “You’re the one who’s supposed to know about planning and strategy.”

“I don’t think strategy works when it comes to relationships, my dear. Plus, I’m sure ruling an entire star system does require strategy.”

“Well, I don’t see many options here”, Satine said, turning to her side to face her lover. “Neither of us can leave our duties, and I’m not losing you again. I’ll try to visit Coruscant more often, and, if you ever have missions near the Mandalore system, I expect you to come by. We can talk through holograms the rest of the time.”

“A long distance relationship?”

“You don’t think it will work?”, Satine asked, and Obi-Wan noticed doubt creeping into her voice.

“We’ll make it work. I’m just wondering why we didn’t think of that all those years ago.”

“Because we were young and naive and neither of us was thinking clearly.”

Obi-Wan laughed.

“Well-put, my dear.”

“Mm, I love it when you call me that”, Satine said with a smile, closing her eyes as if to cherish the moment.

“Call you what? My dear?”

“Mhm”

“That’s good to know. How about ‘sweetheart’? Or ‘ner cyare’?”

She had always liked it when he spoke her language, and apparently that hadn’t changed, evident in the way she kissed him until they both were out of breath.

•———•———•

He had to leave her room early in the next morning. He’d always had trouble sleeping, and waking up early was his standard, so it was easy to be up before dawn and sneak back into the Jedi temple. But she had asked him to wake her up. This would be their goodbye, for now. He’d meet her later when she’d board her spaceship, but that couldn’t be a proper goodbye with so many guards and citizens around. No, they had to keep things private, for the time being.

“Stay, just for a few more minutes”, Satine muttered, wrapping her arms around him.

“Of course, my dear.”

The minutes passed, but neither tried to move. The bed was so warm, and Satine’s presence was so comforting…

The sun was out by the time Obi-Wan managed to get out of the bed. He took Satine’s robe from her nightstand and placed it over her shoulders, then grabbed his own tunics and started getting ready.

He hesitated at the door. How was he supposed to say goodbye, when it all felt so much like the last goodbye he’d told her all those years ago? As if reading his thought, Satine said: “It’s not goodbye forever. We’ll meet again soon. I promise.”

She placed her hands on his cheeks.

“I love you”, she whispered, pressing a kiss on his lips.

He pulled her close in a hug, running his fingers through her hair, then pulled back and kissed her forehead.

“I’ll see you soon, then”, he said instead of goodbye.

•———•———•

The Duchess’s visits to Coruscant became suspiciously frequent in the following months. Luckily, she could claim it was due to the war. Even a neutral system was greatly affected, so she visited the republic’s capital in an attempt to solve the problems the war had brought to her home world. Or at least that’s the excuse she used to any nosy politician who wondered why the Duchess of Mandalore, whose contempt for the republic was known, all of a sudden visited every other month.

The excuse worked well enough on most. The one person who didn’t buy it was Satine’s close friend, Senator Amidala.

“Satine, dear, hardly any of your visits get you the results you wish for”, Padmé told her one day as they were exiting the senate building together. “Not that I’m not grateful for your company, but why do I sense there’s some other reason behind your visits?”

“Your highness”, the voice of a man came from behind them. The Duchess instantly

turned to face Obi-Wan.

“Master Kenobi!”, she greeted with a warm smile. “It’s a pleasure to see you here.”

He took her hand and brought it to his lips. A common enough gesture, no one should find this suspicious. Never mind the fact that he had kissed much more than her hand that very same morning before they went separate ways for their day.

“I believe you’re acquainted with my friend Padmé, right?”, Satine asked.

“Indeed”, Obi-Wan nodded. “It’s good to see you, senator. Anakin sends his greetings.”

“Oh, give him my regards”, Padmé said with a smile, although she directed her gaze towards the floor.

“So, Obi-Wan”, Satine decided to take ahold of the conversation, “will you join us for the afternoon?“

“I’m afraid not, Duchess. The Jedi council has a meeting in half an hour, but perhaps our paths will cross again during your stay.”

“Perhaps”, she replied with a smile, knowing their paths would cross very soon indeed. Nighttime, specifically. He always stayed with her when she visited.

“As I was saying”, Padmé said as Obi-Wan walked away, and her voice now had a gleeful tone, “there are rumors your visits have increased due to this… how do I put it, this bond you have with master Kenobi.”

The way she emphasized the word ‘bond’, she might as well have straight up asked if they were dating. So much for being a gifted speaker.

“Diplomacy is the sole reason of my travels, I assure you”, Satine said, keeping her tone lighthearted. Padmé read right through her, but that only amused Satine further. “You would know all about that. Diplomacy, I mean, not bonds with Jedi. Although… if you ever feel like discussing whatever is going on with you and this Anakin, I’m all ears.”   

“Let’s go back to talking about diplomacy.”

“That’s what I thought.”

•———•———•

The downside of her time on Coruscant was that she always ended up moderately sleep deprived. Since night was the only time she could spend with Obi-Wan, they stayed up for hours talking about their days, their lives, their relationship, eventually bickering about some moral dispute or another, fighting, laughing, kissing and a bit more…

That night would be no different. Satine loved their little routine, and she missed it terribly when they were apart. She had returned to her room early after spending the afternoon with Padmé, and she suspected their friendship now had an unofficial ‘we don’t mention our Jedi boyfriends’ rule. She waited at the couch, watching the news on the holonet when the door opened and her lover walked in. Even while on Coruscant, she missed him.

“How was that meeting with the Jedi council?”, she asked.

“Dreadful. I’m leaving for Ryloth tomorrow morning. Apparently the separatists won’t rest until they’ve taken that planet. It’s their third attempt at an occupation.”

Satine’s expression turned sour, as if she’d smelled some really stale food. It was her usual reaction to any news of the war. Obi-Wan couldn’t blame her, but he still tried to suppress a laugh when he saw her expression, brows furrowing, lips pursing in distaste.

“What about your day, my dear?”, he asked.

“It was quite nice. Oh, also, I think Padmé figured it out about us, but I’m certain she won’t tell anyone.”

“She damn better not tell anyone, half of the temple knows about her and Anakin. They’re just too busy with the war to meddle with personal relationships.”

Satine chuckled, and Obi-Wan pulled her close in a hug as she rested her hands on his chest.

“I think I have an idea for tonight”, he said. “I heard from a friend of mine that there’s a new restaurant, supposedly one that has traditional mandalorian cuisine. We could try it out, and they might even have that spicy soup you once told me you like.”

Satine’s eyes lit up.

“It must have been years ago when I mentioned that soup, how come you remember?”

“I remember every single thing you’ve ever told me, cyar’ika.”

She kissed him in response, deeply, as he ran his finger through her hair.

“I love you”, she told him, then took his hand and led him out of the apartment before he could reply.

•———•———•

“I love you”, she’d whisper beneath the covers of her bedsheets, and he would pull her closer in return, he’d kiss her more passionately and he’d wrap his arms around her tighter.

•———•———•

“I love you”, she sobbed on his shoulder when he came at the Sundari palace and informed her that his death had been faked , and the funeral she had attended was all part of a ‘necessary’ plot of this stupid war. She’d thought she lost him, she had grieved him, all while he was alive and healthy. She was furious, she had yelled at him for so long eventually her voice broke and she started crying, all the emotions she had suppressed returning to the surface.

Because she hadn’t gotten to mourn him properly. A duchess could be excused for crying at a dear friend’s funeral, but seeing as their love was a secret, she could not spend her days grieving without raising intense suspicions. Once more, she’d been forced to ignore her emotions and think only of her duty.

“I’m so sorry, Satine.” He wasn’t only talking about this recent heartbreak.

•———•———•

“I’ve loved you. Always,” she managed to say as her last breaths escaped her, as life abandoned her. She was glad those were her last words. Words of comfort. Words of love.

•———•———•

He had to act, quickly, if there was to be any chance of saving her. He owed her as much. He had once sworn to protect her. Technically, that oath hadn’t been lifted when the mission ended. He would still lay down his life for her without a second thought. Though, if he acted quickly and correctly, perhaps both of them would make it out alive.

As chaos erupted all around him, he couldn’t tell apart friend from foe. With Satine in his arms, he ran to the general direction of the infirmary. He tried to use the force to keep her breathing, but she was running out of time.

He found the makeshift medical facility half demolished and buzzing with wounded.

“Get me a bacta tank, quick”, he called to a nurse, as he frantically searched around for oxygen support. Satine would need it to keep breathing.

“I’m sorry”, the nurse replied, “I have orders not to use the few bacta tanks available until the doctors have examined all patients.”

There wasn’t time. Satine would hate him for what he was about to do, but he would put up with any argument because at least that would mean she was alive.

“You will get me a bacta tank right now”, he said as slowly as his state of mind allowed him to, waving his hand in front of the nurse and willing her through the force to obey. “I will get you a bacta tank… right away sir”, she replied, to Obi-Wan’s relief.

There was nothing he could do but wait, with his love almost lifeless in his arms. He tried to collect himself. He was a Jedi. No matter what compromises he had made for this relationship, he still couldn’t let his emotions control him. But he also couldn’t lose her. He’d never forgive himself. This was all his fault, really. Maul had wanted to punish him.

And now Satine’s heartbeat was fading, life was slipping away from her and Obi-Wan could do nothing but hold her. He hadn’t managed to protect her. He had failed her. He never even managed to tell her how much he loved her. And he did love her, so much, so deeply, that he couldn’t possibly remain a Jedi after admitting it out loud.

The nurse returned and Obi-Wan thanked her and insisted he would take care of Satine by himself. The last thing he wanted was for the nurse to remember she wasn’t supposed to give him the life-saving aid Satine needed.

Even with all the support that would keep her alive, she would need proper medical attention if she was to survive. He needed to get her to Coruscant. He needed help.

He reached for his comlink, which was luckily intact in his pocket despite the day’s events.

“Anakin”, he spoke. “I need your help.”

•———•———•

In the years that followed, Obi-Wan often wondered what might have happened if Anakin hadn’t been nearby, if he hadn’t for once- to Obi-Wan’s surprise and relief- been the level-headed one, the one time his master couldn’t be.

But Anakin did come to help, and, with the boy’s knowledge of dubious shortcuts, they made it to Coruscant in record time. Or perhaps Obi-Wan simply hadn’t noticed time passing because he spent every moment by Satine’s side, even though there wasn’t a chance of her waking up yet. Most of the time he was meditating, because during the last few days his emotions had been very intense and that only worsened the guilt he felt. He was a proper Jedi, he had battled Sith, he had fought a war, he had seen his master killed in front of him, and he had survived it all by bottling up everything he felt. Why couldn’t he suppress his worry too?

They were traveling in a small medical frigate to ensure all necessary equipment was available. Anakin knew better than to comment on the fact that Obi-Wan’s bond with Satine was clearly much deeper than he let on.

“Master?”, Anakin’s voice came from the door. “You should eat something. The only food in this ship is rations, so I brought you some.”

“Thank you, Anakin, but I ate around breakfast time a few hours ago.”

“That was twelve hours ago. Are you alright, Obi-Wan?”

“Splendid”, he deadpanned.

Anakin took a few steps forward and sat on a stool next to his former master.

“She’ll be alright”, the younger Jedi said. “I know the Jedi way is to mostly ignore our emotions until we either become depressed or evil, but, if you want to talk… well, you can tell me.”

Obi-Wan covered his face with his palm, taking a shaky breath.

“I messed up, Anakin. Terribly so”, he said, raising his head towards the ceiling.

“Don’t say that. She’s only alive thanks to you.”

“No, I’m not only talking about this. I… After my mission with Satine ended all those years ago and I returned to the temple, well, needless to say I was heartbroken. I thought that, if I followed the Jedi code word for word, if I became the picture of the perfect Jedi, I would spare myself such pain again.”

Anakin was listening intently to what might have been the first time ever that Obi-Wan genuinely opened up to him. And Obi-Wan had wanted to speak about this for a long time, so he kept talking.

“Master Qui-Gon once said that such feelings aren’t necessarily bad, as long as they don’t interfere with your duty as a Jedi. Perhaps I should have passed on this advice to you. Instead, I taught you as the Jedi code instructs, hoping that would spare you my mistakes. And I think I did more harm than good in the end.”

Anakin stayed quiet. The boy hadn’t been taught how to process his own feelings, let alone help others at that. He passed a ration bar at Obi-Wan, who ate in silence.

“I think”, Anakin said at last, “that if she- when she wakes up, you should tell her how you feel. It does no good to deny and suppress your emotions...”

He must have been speaking from personal experience.

“Anakin, Satine is well aware of my feelings towards her. It is no coincidence that her visits to Coruscant have been much more frequent ever since she and I were reunited.”

Anakin turned his face to the side like a confused puppy.

“You mean… you and her… you’ve been dating ?”

If it weren’t for the fact that Satine was unconscious in front of him, Obi-Wan might had laughed at his former padawan’s surprise.

“Don’t act so shocked, Anakin. You had it figured out from the beginning.”

“I knew that the two of you had a past, yes, but not that you were… actually together.”

“I suppose you were too busy with a certain senator of yours to notice anything else”, Obi-Wan muttered. If Anakin knew about him and Satine, he had to know Obi-Wan also knew about him and Padmé.

Anakin startled, preparing his usual ‘there’s-nothing-between-me-and-senator-Amidala’ defense, but then he thought better of it.

“How did you know?”, he asked.

“Because I know you, Anakin. And also you’re quite terrible at lying.”

“I’m an exceptional liar, thank you very much.”

After a short silence, Obi-Wan turned his attention to Satine’s idle form, wishing he could accelerate her healing. They’d arrive to Coruscant soon. There, she would get treated by proper doctors. She would be alright. She would make it.

Anakin got up and moved for the door. He stopped before exiting and turned towards his former master.

“Thank you for trusting me with all this, Obi-Wan”, he said.

“Of course. I don’t think there’s anything I wouldn’t trust you with. Oh, except from driving speeders while I’m in the vehicle. Then my trust disappears. But other than that…”

•———•———•

Anakin smiled and left the room. He had a strange feeling, as if a burden had been lifted. Because he wasn’t the only one who struggled with following the code, he wasn’t the only one whose emotions were too strong to ignore. Even Obi-Wan, who always lived his life by the code and was an example to be followed, faced difficulties. Even he had broken the code. And, sure, maybe Anakin’s disobedience had gone a little further because he was married to Padmé, but Obi-Wan didn’t need to know that at the moment. And despite it all, Obi-Wan trusted Anakin. Good. That’s what Anakin had always fought for. Approval. Trust. Maybe he’d finally earned it.

•———•———•

Once they arrived to Coruscant, Satine was immediately moved to a hospital, the best in the entire city. Perhaps the Jedi healers could have been of greater assistance, but the temple didn’t just treat anyone, and too many explanations would be needed.

Obi-Wan hadn’t quite realized how tense he’d been until, after hours of examinations, Satine was returned to the room she’d been assigned, and a medical droid informed him that she was no longer in fatal danger. A human doctor visited later, and he told Obi-Wan that, if Satine hadn’t received immediate oxygen and bacta, she wouldn’t have survived.

That night Obi-Wan finally managed to sleep. He was no stranger to sleep deprivation, but several nights without any rest was pushing his limits. Even though he’d spent most of those days meditating, that didn’t fully make up for the lost sleep.

When the first sunbeams entered through the hospital window, Obi-Wan snapped awake, subconsciously reaching for his lightsaber as a habit. But of course there was no danger in the room. Only Satine, still asleep. At least now her breath was steady, and the wound in her abdomen had mostly healed. The doctor hadn’t been clear about why she was still in a coma.

Obi-Wan sat back down next to her bed. His entire body was sore from a night asleep at a chair, but he couldn’t be bothered with that. He stared at Satine’s face, serene as ever, despite her sharp features. She was, to his eyes, the epitome of beauty. With slow motions he began stroking her hair. Some strands had fallen on her face, and he moved them away gently.

“Wake up, Satine”, he pleaded.

But she was unable to comply, most likely unable to even hear him.

A knock on the door made him flinch. The war must have really taken a toll on him if a simple knock caused such reaction.

When the door opened, Anakin entered the room, accompanied by Padmé.

“I hope it’s not too early for visits”, the young Jedi said.

“Not at all”, Obi-Wan replied with a smile.

Padmé moved towards Satine’s bed, placing her hand on her heart at the sight of her unconscious friend.

“Is she… Will she be okay?”, she asked.

“Yes, the doctors and the med droids said she is going to recover”, Obi-Wan said, and he could feel relief rush through the room.

“Anakin told me she was in quite a terrible condition when he arrived. What exactly happened?”

“Ah, she was sort of… run through with a lightsaber made of darkness.”

Padmé turned to Anakin, a confused look on her face, then she looked at Obi-Wan.

“You’re not joking”, she concluded.

“I wish I was joking, believe me. Then she wouldn’t be here in a comma.”

Anakin moved closer to Padmé. Without taking her eyes from the hospital bed, she looped her arm through his. No more hiding their couple status, apparently. Not to him, at least.

“It’s good to know she will recover”, Anakin said, “but there’s another reason we’re here. The Jedi council wants to speak to you, Obi-Wan; as soon as possible. Padmé and I can look after Satine until you return from the temple.”

•———•———•

He was reluctant to leave, but he knew he had no choice. He’d already neglected the council’s orders when he rescued Satine, and he couldn’t find a proper excuse to be absent from a council meeting. Claiming that his secret lover had almost died and he didn’t want to leave her side would make a poor excuse, however true.

But when master Yoda assigned him an off-planet mission, with the departure set in just a few hours, Obi-Wan’s distress must have been evident. He didn’t want leave Satine in such condition. He couldn’t-

“Conflicted, I sense you are”, the old Jedi master noticed. “A reason we should know of, is there?”

“Not at all, master Yoda”, Obi-Wan said in his usual steady voice. He’d had years of practice in appearing calm and collected. At that moment, he recalled his late master’s words. Strong emotions aren’t necessarily bad, as long as you don’t let them interfere with your duties as a Jedi.

“I will leave for the mission assigned right after this meeting ends”, Obi-Wan confirmed, knowing fully well he would regret it later. But this was his duty, and as long as he remained in the order, he would have to compromise his relationship for his responsibilities, no matter how much he wished he didn’t have to.

•———•———•

“I don’t want to say you’ll owe me for eternity, but-“

“Anakin.”

“Alright, alright. Yes, of course I’ll look after her. So will Padmé. If the both of us are busy, I might send Ashoka. She heard what happened and she wants to visit the hospital, but I wasn’t sure if you were okay with that.”

Obi-Wan sighed.

“Yes, let her visit, but… not a word about me and Satine. We can’t have people finding out. Not yet, at least.”

Before leaving, he pressed a kiss on Satine’s forehead.

“I’ll be back soon, cyar’ika”, he whispered, hoping that she could hear him.

He would return as soon as possible. The mission shouldn’t take too long. Part of him hoped to be there when Satine woke up, but he knew the sooner she woke up, the better it would be for her health.

He had barely made it to his spaceship when his comlink beeped.

“Obi-Wan”, Anakin’s voice sounded from the small device. “Come back to the hospital, your girlfriend is awake. I’ll take over your mission, though you’ll owe me for that too.”

“What? Anakin, is she alright? Is-“

Another voice interrupted him, faint and hoarse from days of not speaking, but he would still recognize her voice anywhere.

“Hello Ben”, Satine said.

He immediately turned off the starship’s engine and headed for the hospital. It seemed like he couldn’t get there fast enough. He ran through the entrance, and he might have accidentally knocked on a med droid or two on his way to Satine’s room.

“Satine!”, he exclaimed as he entered the room, kneeling next to her bed. Her blue eyes were bright with life, and Obi-Wan had never felt as grateful as he did in that moment. She raised her palm and cupped his face, unable to move more than that.

“Obi”, she whispered. “Thank you. For everything.”

Behind them, Anakin cleared his throat.

“I think I’m just going to leave now…? Yes, I’m leaving”, he said, quickly making his way towards the door. Neither Obi-Wan nor Satine had time to thank him for his help, but Obi-Wan knew he’d be forever indebted to his former padawan. He didn’t really mind that.

The moment the door was shut, Obi-Wan moved closer to Satine and kissed her gently on the lips. A whimper escaped her, and he pulled back immediately. Perhaps she wasn’t as healed as he thought.

“Are you hurt?”, he asked, examining for any wounds he might have missed.

“No, dear”, she said, keeping her palm on his cheek. “It’s just… last time I saw you, I thought… I was certain I was dying. I didn’t dare to hope I’d ever get the chance to see you, to kiss you again.”

She scooted over, making room for him to sit on the bed next to her. There was little space, but that made a perfect excuse to cuddle as close as possible.

“Help me sit up, Obi”, she called, and he was happy to oblige. Her body was stiff from days of lying unconscious, but she managed to sit next to him, propped up by pillows on her back.

Obi-Wan wrapped his arms around her.

“I was so worried for you, Satine. I thought I lost you. Again.”

Satine’s eyes were full of sorrow when she turned to face him. She had accepted her death in those moments after she was stabbed. That must make for some terrible trauma.

“And all I could think”, Obi-Wan continued, “was that I never told you how much I love you. I truly love you so much, Satine, and I could never forgive myself if you died and I hadn’t managed to tell you. I’ve always loved you. And I’m so sorry it took almost losing you forever for me to say it.”

She was smiling, that warm smile that no amount of tragedy could wash away. She caressed the side of his face, bringing her own face so close their foreheads were almost touching.

“I love you too, Obi. And don’t be too harsh on yourself. I’d be a fool if I didn’t know you loved me. Still, it’s nice to hear it. Can you say it again?”

“I love you”, he whispered, caressing her cheek. “I love you so much.”

She kissed him with the little strength she could manage, and the feeling of her lips on his and the way she melted into his embrace made him want to stay there forever. Eventually they broke apart, but Obi-Wan still held her close to his chest. He wished he didn’t have to let go of her ever again. That certainly classified as an attachment, but the comfort of Satine’s presence was enough to make all his other worries fade.

“Tell me what happened”, Satine spoke. “I only remember bits and pieces. Tell me the whole story.”

And so he did. In a way, he was reminded of their year on the run, when Satine would ask to hear stories of his previous missions.

She snuggled closer to him, placing her head on his shoulder and her hand on his chest. He welcomed the physical contact, not only because, as Satine would often tease him for, he was terribly touch starved, but also because he needed the reassurance that she was alive, to distract him from the despair of the last few days as he recalled the events.

Predictably, Satine was quite upset to hear that Mandalore might have been thrown on another civil dispute.

“I must return, Obi-Wan. I have to stand with my people.”

“Right now, dear, you cannot even stand up, let alone stand with your people.”

“This is not the time to joke!”, she snapped.

“I know, but my point is, you have to take care of yourself in order to be able to protect Mandalore.”

“I’ve always put my planet above my wishes and needs, I don’t see why stop now.”

Obi-Wan stared at her for a moment.

“You do realize that this is quite unhealthy, right? You cannot always prioritize your planet over yourself.”

She raised her eyebrows, and, although it was clear she was pissed off, she still didn’t leave his embrace. It was far too comfortable. They could argue while cuddling.

“Don’t lecture me on self care, Obi-Wan. I was informed you pushed three all-nighters while I was unconscious.“

Dammit, Anakin , Obi-Wan thought. Why had he even told Satine? Of course Obi-Wan had trouble sleeping when his lover was in between life and death. The fact that he’d struggled with sleep his entire life was unrelated.

“Perhaps we’re both better at taking care of one another than ourselves”, Obi-Wan said.

“At that I agree. But still, I must return to Mandalore!”

“Please, Satine, just wait a few more days until you’ve regained your energy. Then we can go back to Mandalore together.”

Those last words silenced any argument she had been trying to come up with.

“Just a few days”, she agreed.

“Yes. Now rest, and I’ll find you something to eat.”

“I’m not hungry”, Satine said, although her stomach certainly had never been as empty as it was then. When was the last time she’d eaten?

“You must eat if you are to get better soon”, Obi-Wan insisted, producing one of those rather tasteless ration bars from a pocket of his tunic.

Satine ate in silence, and Obi-Wan stayed by her side, cherishing her presence. She was alive, and that was all that mattered.

After a while, Satine turned to face her lover again.

“I have one more question”, she said.

“Tell me.”

“Does Anakin know about us? He called me your girlfriend, but I thought perhaps he was joking-”

“Oh, yeah, I kind of told him… everything. Im sorry, I should have asked you first if you were okay with that, but it was a little difficult considering the fact that you were in a coma.”

“It’s alright.” Satine smiled. “I don’t mind if people find out, I was just worried perhaps it would harm you if the council learned about you and me.”

“The council has far worse problems, what with the war and all. Plus, I trust Anakin won’t tell anyone. He admitted to me that he’s dating Padmé, so there’s little room for him to even joke about me and you.”

Satine chuckled. “I always thought this Jedi code of yours was a bit far-fetched.”

“You don’t get to speak about far-fetched traditions, cyar’ika. Mandalorians have their share of those as well.”

“Perhaps.”

Her gaze fell on the floor, as her vision blurred momentarily. Of course Obi-Wan noticed, even though it lasted a split second.

“Are you alright? Satine, what’s wrong?”

“I’m alright”, she insisted, readjusting her eyes on him. “I just felt a little dizzy.”

“You need rest”, he decided, as he helped her lie back down. He started to move out of the bed to give her space, but she stopped him.

“Stay”, she said. “Stay with me, at least for now. For a little longer.”

He did as she asked, placing one arm around her to keep her close.

“Of course, my dear.”