Work Text:
Oh my god, how am I going to survive another night of this? All our friends are finally in one place after all these months of uni, and all I can do is stare at those raven curls. This is torture! Why do I have to feel this way? Why him, of all people? My best friend. Why can’t I get over it? Just accept that he doesn’t want me in that way, that we’ll never be more than friends? And it’s okay. I promised myself that it would be okay. He needs me. As a friend. His best friend. And I need him. As my … NO! Don’t even think about it! You made a promise! But it’s getting harder every day. What will I do if he finally starts dating again? Once the shadow of Ben is gone there is no way he won’t date again. Every guy would be lucky to have him. I’m sure there will be a queue and he will find someone. Someone who treats him right. Someone to cherish and love him. Someone so lucky it makes my stomach ache with jealousy. Why can’t it be me? But I know. He doesn’t want me. Not like that. And I will give him everything he wants. Even if it kills me. He deserves to be happy. He wouldn’t be happy with me. I mean, he is. Happy with me. As his friend. His best friend. Why the fuck can’t I just …
… accept that he doesn’t want me? I should be happy for him. Happy that he finally found himself. And that I was able to be there for him. As a friend. As a support. He never told me what made him finally realise. God, how I wished it could have been me! But no. That would be too much to ask. I should be grateful that he even looks at me. Let alone love me. As his friend. His best friend. Why can’t that be enough? God, I swear, if he looks at me one more time tonight with those warm honey eyes of his, I’m going to lose it. I’m going to tell him! Wait, what?? No! No way! I can’t lose him. And he doesn’t want me. Not like that. Why would he? He’s seen me, seen all of me. Seen how pathetic and brittle I am. He doesn’t need that. He doesn’t want that! How could anybody ever want something like that? Face it, he’s too good for you. And sometime soon he’ll find someone. Someone who deserves him. Someone who loves him just the way he deserves. With his stupid big soft heart, his puppy dog eyes and his soul that shines brighter than the sun on a warm spring day, chasing away every memory of the cold winter. Just like he did for me. Yes, he will find someone, and it will kill me. To see him happy. To see him fall in love. With somebody else. Why can’t it be me? I swear one of these days …
… I’m going to lose my mind. If I have to endure one more of these torturous movie nights where all I can do is pretend that I don’t want to kiss those silky lips I’m finally going to lose my mind. Sitting next to him, our knees touching. And all I can do is yank my hands back every time they want to bury themselves in those curls, want to feel that soft skin of his. He is so beautiful! His eyes … I could get lost in those eyes. Could??? No, I DO get lost in them. Every single time! That unbelievable blue that pierces my heart every time he looks at me. With love. But not THAT kind of love. I know it. Why would he ever want me like that? He is so smart, so cool, so beautiful. I’m just me. I have nothing to offer him. No, he’ll find someone. And that someone won’t be me. And it …
…will change everything. The way he looks at me. He will give these looks to someone else. I will no longer be his favourite person. That title will belong to someone else, and I will shrink to a normal friend. He won’t have time anymore to come over every day to spend hours playing Mario Kart or listening to music, talking about everything and nothing for hours. He will no longer have time to bake for me while I sit on the kitchen counter, allowing myself to drink in his beloved form while he doesn’t notice, too busy with weighing out ingredients. I will no longer hear his satisfied hum when I finally taste whatever he baked for me, letting out an involuntary moan at the taste of his gift to me. How I wished I could taste him. These beautiful pink lips. I want to brush the fringe out of his face and hold him close. I want to bask in his sunshine and forget about the darkness in me for a while. He is everything, and more. But he can never know. He would look at me with pity in his eyes, trying to let me down in the gentlest way possible, and it would kill me. Finally. So I will go on being his friend. His best friend. And nothing more. Oh how I wished …
… I was brave enough. Brave enough to tell him. How I feel. How I ache. For him. Would he be shocked? Would he look at me the same, or would it totally change the way he sees me? Would he be angry? Angry that I want more than he is willing to give me? Would memories of Ben cloud his mind, memories of how he was coerced into something he didn’t want? How could I ever do that to him? He deserves more. And he knows it. Would he lash out at me? Cutting my heart to shreds with some cutting remark, oozing with disdain? No, he wouldn’t do that. He could never. He is the kindest, most thoughtful and amazing person I know. But he would go. He would stay away from me, trying not to hurt me any further. He is strong like that. I could never stay away from him, even though I know it would be better. For my heart. But I am weak. He is strong. So strong. I wish I could be like that. I wish I could …
… flee from myself into those strong arms of his. Forgetting all my worries. Learning how to be happy. Even happy with myself. Have him look at me like I am something to be cherished, to be wanted. To be loved. Will I survive another hug that means nothing more to him than showing his love for a friend? How long till I go crazy knowing that those lopsided smiles he gives me are nothing more than the smiles he gives to all of his friends? I want to be special! I want those smiles to be only for me! I want to see more in his eyes than the love for a friend! I should tell him. I should end this purgatory I’m in. But I am weak. So weak. I can’t stay away from him, even if I know it would be better. For him. For me. For my sanity. God, I wished …
“Oi! Romeos!!” Darcy’s impatient voice cut through their musing as they snapped their fingers between their two faces and yanked them back to the here and now. They first looked at each other, then they both turned to Darcy with startled expressions. “You two do realise that you’ve spent the last 15 min longingly staring at each other like the lovesick fools you are??”
“We haven't …”
“Cut it out, Nelson! I swear, if I have to see that pained expression on your face one more time, that tells me you once again think how you’re not good enough for Charlie, I will bump your stupid love dumb head against the next shiny surface!”
Charlie stared helplessly and open mouthed at Nick, then at Darcy. Looking for help he found Tao’s eyes. Tao, however, held his hands up in a defensive gesture.
“Nope! Don’t look at me! I swear, if I have to endure one more movie night with you two IDIOTS trying to reel in your crushes and not jumping each other’s bones I will kill you both!”
Charlie let out a nervous giggle and tried to catch Nick’s eyes, who was looking onto the carpet, his hand scratching his neck nervously.
“Okay, that is enough!” Darcy declared forcefully. “Nicholas, go to your room and take Charlie with you!! And don’t come out until you’ve made out , or suffer the consequences!”
Both Nick and Charlie started to protest loudly.
“Oh, just SHUT UP AND KISS, BOYS!” Darcy yelled at them exasperatedly.
Nick and Charlie finally looked at each other.
“Erm, I - I think we better - go?” Nick said bashfully.
“Yeah, okay,” Charlie agreed timidly. “Lead the way.”
And with that they vanished up the stairs and into Nick’s room.
Everyone’s eyes nearly fell out as they rolled them at those two lovesick idiots.
“Wasn’t that a bit harsh?” Tara admonished her partner kindly.
“Maybe, but I just can’t with those two anymore! We tried our best in a loving way. Now they get tough love.”
“Remind me never to piss you off,” Isaac said with a smirk. “That was scary !”
Elle sighs and looks up the stairs. “Hopefully it helps.”
“Right, anybody up for a game of Monopoly?” Darcy asked as they clasped their hands. “This might take a while.”
Some time later they heard the front door open. Sarah Nelson came into the living room, smiling as she saw the group of friends around aMonopoly board. As she studied the group her forehead creased. “Where are Nick and Charlie?”
“In Nick’s room,” Darcy smirked, without looking up from the game. “I decided that some tough love was needed. So they are not allowed to come out until they either kill each other or …”
At that moment they heard bright giggles from the room upstairs, immediately followed by Nick’s bright laughter and the loud sound of something bumping against the door. Sarah looked up the stairs and smiled. Wordlessly she took out her purse and handed a 20 pound note to Darcy. “Seems you won. I admit defeat.”
Darcy took the money and grinned. “I’m sure you tried your best. There is just no beating my meddling superpowers!”
Elle looked at the two of them, mouth open. Isaac broke down laughing.
🍂🍂🍂
Meanwhile in Nick’s room
“So, err …”
“Nick, I’m so sorry! I don’t know what Darcy and Tao were on about, I swear! I’d never want to make you uncomfortable, you’re my best friend in the whole world. I don’t know how they got it in their heads that I want something more! I’m so happy you’re my friend, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me! I don’t wanna lose you because I did …”
“Can I kiss you?”
“Oh my god, yes, please!!”
A beaming smile appeared on Nick’s face, and with two steps he closed the gap between him and Charlie and crashed their lips together.
However, that was too much.
“Ow!” Charlie shrieked as their teeth smashed together.
“Oh - oh god, Char, I’m so sorry!” Nick huffed out, totally in shock. “Are you okay?”
Charlie rubbed his mouth and started giggling. Nick stared at him, guilt written all over his face.
As the throbbing subsided Charlie tentatively reached out a hand and cupped Nick’s cheek, smiling at him tenderly.
“Wanna try that again?” he asked with a smirk, at the same time sounding shy and unsure.
“Yes, please!” Nick answered, closing his eyes and leaning into the touch. Tenderly, Charlie brought their lips together, and the kiss was everything they had ever dreamt of.
It started soft and cautious, just the tender brush of warm lips, dancing together. But it soon became more urgent. Nick’s arms tightened around Charlie, pulling him closer. The kiss deepened, tongues tentatively begging for entrance, finding each other.
Gasping for breath they broke the kiss, both of their faces covered in adorable blushes as they stared at each other, still not able to believe their luck, still unsure how to proceed, still nervous and full of doubt. But their eyes spoke the truth that they both had been too afraid to speak out loud. Loving gazes passed silently between them, until Charlie finally broke into bright, happy giggles, immediately followed by Nick’s incredulous laughter.
“You know, I think Darcy’s right. We really are idiots,” Nick smiled.
“Shut up and kiss me, Nelson!”
“Yes, sir!”
And with that all remaining uncertainty was gone and they crashed against the door, both not able to get close enough to the other, their mouths meeting hungrily.
“Fucking MORONS!” they heard Darcy yell. “And I’m saying that lovingly!!”