Archive of Our Own

In all his years of living, never once had Eito Aotsuki been the type to doubt himself. From the moment he’d learned of the true, vile nature of mankind, his beliefs had been set in stone from the very beginning. Nothing would shake him.

That’s how it was supposed to be.

His beliefs, his hatred, it was what made him. The thing that kept him going in a sea of filthy monsters. What gave him purpose and a reason to continue fighting. Without it, he was nothing.

And yet, to think it was all fabricated. Nothing more than a simple mistake in his design.

He gritted his teeth, resisting the urge to punch the bars of his cage.

It made him come to another realization.

Eito didn’t know the SDU very well, but he saw them often enough that he witnessed their determination. How, even after finding out their entire beings were all lies, they still managed to band together and go on. Even if the reason they were fighting was fake, they still decided to use it as their strength, or at least fight to protect each other. Such unity wasn’t something he’d ever seen before. It made his chest ache from something other than disgust.

Longing was the word he’d come up with. Seeing the SDU fight for their loved ones—for each other—made his heart stir. He wanted it too. That sense of unity. The camaraderie. Eito had long passed the indignation of admitting that. Now, he just wanted one last chance to fight alongside the rest of them.

In that came another problem, however. His “righteous” eyes. No matter what he did, he’ll always be reminded of his hatred when looking at them. Monsters will always be monsters after all. It was frankly infuriating not being able to let go of it. Desperation clawed at him, threatening to take him under as he struggled to find a way to keep going just like the rest of them.

That’s when he came up with a solution. If he still had these eyes of his…if he still couldn’t bear it, then there was only one solution. He looked around the Courtyard. No one visited him at night, so there was little chance anyone would stumble on him. Admittedly, he had tried to do what he needed to before this, but he thought he heard footsteps approaching and got paranoid.

Well, it wouldn’t matter anyway. Eito took a deep breath, reaching for his eye and pulling his eyelids apart. It was fine. It was going to be okay. It’ll just be a few moments of pain, and then nothing. His breathing hitched, but Eito forced himself to steel his heart as he—

“Oh, my. Now this is certainly a surprise.” Eito jolted in place, his hands reeling back from his face. He whirled around in the direction of the voice with a frown. At the same time, he smelled it. That, unfortunately, familiar scent of rotting flesh reminded him that there was one person who would be out late at night.

He clicked his tongue, narrowing his eyes at him. “Yugamu,” he greeted cautiously, “what are you doing here?”

Yugamu let out a laugh, walking closer to his cage. Great, and of all the people who could’ve caught him in the act, it had to have been the murder-obsessed freak. “Who knows? Maybe I just wanted to see your precious face before I went to sleep.” Eito curled his lip up in disgust, not even bothering to hide the shudder that ran down his spine hearing those words.

“Please, don’t say such repulsive things in front of me.” He said, placing a hand on his chest. There was something about him that just set him off. Probably from all of the other times he’s visited him before. Yugamu laughed at his misery, covering his mouth with a decayed, fraying hand. “If you say so.”

He carried on as if nothing had happened. “It’s quite surprising though, I come here on a midnight stroll and what do I see if not Eito Aotsuki himself looking as if he were trying to dig his fingers into his skull?” Eito couldn’t help but bristle at such a blatant accusation. There’s nothing he can say though, since that was exactly what he was planning on doing. All he can do is try and silence him with a glare.

But, of course, such things would never work on someone like Yugamu. He leaned in, almost pressing his face against the bars of the cage as one hand reached up to grip it. Eito reeled back, earning him a ghastly chuckle as a disgusting grin stretched across his face.

“Ripping your eyes out by yourself, beautiful?” He asked with a giggle. “You should’ve called me, I could’ve helped you.” Eito can barely tell if the lilt in his voice was merely teasing or sincerity with how distorted it sounded.

Maybe he should just bust his eardrums too for good measure. “As if I’d let you anywhere near my eyes.” He hissed, just barely biting back the familiar insults that usually accompanied his speech. What was the point of it when he was doing this to not hate them anymore? Eito can’t allow himself to fall back on his hatred anymore, but he hadn’t expected to be tested on it so quickly.

Yugamu leaned away, giving him the space to breathe as he placed a hand under his chin. “Oh, but you’re not going to deny the eye-gouging part?” Again, silence. Eito didn’t exactly want anyone to find out so early—much less when he hadn’t even done the deed yet. Unfortunately, he was just doomed to be caught off guard it seemed.

His eye examined him from top to bottom slowly. “Forgive me if I’m overstepping my boundaries here, but I thought your eyes were important to you. I never imagined I’d see a time you’d try and throw them away.” It’s a musing too close for comfort. It’s something he wasn’t yet ready to reveal. Not because he didn’t want to, but because he felt…scared.

Eito had thought about it long and hard. Nearly lost his mind and his life trying to think of something that could bring him salvation. There’s no other option but this, he’s convinced of that. To have even the smallest chance of ever standing side by side with the SDU again, he had to throw away that which he clung to and bear his heart.

Still, Eito psyched himself up to do that in front of everyone once his eyes were already gone. Not for a one-on-one meeting while he could still see their horrifying visage.

Yugamu hummed, “No answer, huh?” He shrugged his shoulders, putting his hands up as he spoke. “Well, I won’t pry, but I will offer my services—should you want it.”

“Your…services?” Eito asked with furrowed brows. Yugamu huffed out something like a laugh—ear-piercing as it was. “Don’t tell me you thought I’d just leave after learning you were planning to gouge your own eyes out, Eito.”

When he didn’t reply he let out a heavy sigh. “Really, I have a soul, y’know? Trying to do it on your own could cause some serious health complications. Not to mention the pain itself you would be experiencing while doing so.” He seemingly shook his head at the very thought. For an assassin and a pervert who loved talking about dissecting him, he sure felt very strongly about Eito doing it himself.

“There are way too many things that could go wrong for me not to do something.” He crossed his arms, looking him directly in the eye. It took some effort to hold back his nausea as he started back. “Of course, if you really, truly want to do it yourself you can, but the option’s on the table.”

Eito tried reading between the lines. Nothing came for free, and this certainly had to be costly. Still, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t tell what he’d have to pay. “I don’t understand,” he ended up saying, “why are you so adamant about helping me?”

Yugamu let out a sigh even louder than the last. “I just told you. I can’t allow you to put yourself in unnecessary pain without doing something.” Maybe he’s expecting Eito to tell him during the procedure? That’d make sense, yes. An operation for the knowledge of why he’s doing it in the first place. Still…

“I won’t tell you why I’m doing this,” he warned him.

He only received a laugh in return. “That’s fine by me.” With a wild grin, he reached into his pocket and pulled something out. It was the key to his cage. With little ceremony, Yugamu strode up to it, stuck the key inside the lock, and twisted.

With a small click, he swung the door open, stepping back with another smile. “Well then, shall we?” Eito stared at him, raising his brows incredulously.

“How did you even get that? I thought Shouma had it on him.” He’s almost positive there wasn’t a time when he didn’t have the key on him, diligent as he was. Yugamu giggled behind his hand.

“Let’s not worry about that,” he replied.

Eito frowned deeply, glancing at the open door. Part of him wondered if this was a test. It just all felt too easy. Like the moment he dared to step outside, the rest of them would come out of the woodwork and tackle him to the ground. Everything was going so fast, he could barely process it.

He had indirectly asked Yugamu to assist him in blinding himself. The same Yugamu who would openly rave about his twisted fantasy to dissect and kill someone. It wouldn’t be too much of a stretch if he assumed he’d murder him on the spot once he started. That was simply the kind of person he was, wasn’t it?

Eito pressed his lips into a thin line. “Why did you steal the key in the first place? You didn’t know about my…plans.” At least, he thought he didn’t. Unless he just wanted to free Eito on a whim—which shouldn’t be possible.

All Yugamu did was smile wider. “Ah, who knows?” What an annoying human he was. He’d have to get used to it though if he wanted to stay on good terms with him.

“Fine, keep your secrets.” He huffed before turning his attention back on the cage. Well, it didn’t matter whether it was a trap or not. It wasn’t as if his rapport with them could get any worse. With that thought in mind, Eito stepped outside with some hesitance, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Nothing happened though. He took a quick look around but no one else was there except for the two of them. At least on this front, Yugamu was being truthful. Eito began to walk out of the courtyard when a hand grabbed his shoulder. He frowned, looking at Yugamu—who was now grinning.

“Ah, ah, ah,” he lilted, “it’s a nice night, isn’t it?”

“It’s the same as every night.” He deadpanned, shrugging his hand off of him with a glare. Yugamu ignored him, talking as if he hadn’t said anything at all. “Don’t you think it’d be a waste letting it just pass by?”

Eito wasn’t in the mood for this. He just wanted to blind himself and get it over with. Not get wrapped up in whatever plot Yugamu had concocted for them. What are you getting at?” He asked with a poorly disguised scowl. In his head was a constant mantra of not to lash out, which was working fairly well, but with each word Yugamu uttered he felt his self-control slipping inch by inch.

“Straight to the point then,” he mused, “I can do that too.” With an innocent smile that churned his gut, he held a hand out to Eito.

“Why don’t we go on a little date? Just you and me of course.”

Eito stared at him, expression completely blank.

“You’re joking,” he said.

Yugamu seemed to delight in his absolute bewilderment and let out another giggle. “Oh, I don’t joke. Not about things like this.” The absurdity of the situation had begun to set in and without even blinking, Eito turned on his heel. “On second thought, I think I’ll do it myself.”

Again, a hand gently took him by the wrist. “Don’t be like that.” It was said so coyly he knew Yugamu was wearing the biggest grin as he spoke. For a moment, Eito really did consider ripping his hand away and just doing the damn thing himself.

He clenched his teeth, shutting his eyes firmly. Yugamu continued to drone on. “I’d do it even if you refused the date, y’know? I wouldn’t leave you high and dry.” While he still found that hard to believe, to his horror, he found himself considering taking him up on the offer.

Eito was never really interested in dating. How could he be? And now, an invitation came from the person he least expected. It wasn’t as if he’d suddenly become attracted to him or anything, but a part of him wanted to enjoy the somewhat novel experience. He’s never been asked to one before, never got close enough with anyone to make it happen. If this was the price he was asking for, then it certainly wasn’t anything too steep.

“…Fine. I accept.” Eito said through gritted teeth.

Yugamu’s eyes widened. “The date?” The eagerness in his voice worried him a little, but he pushed through and ignored it. Better not to think about what he might have in store for him.

Eito sighed through his nose, and with the flattest voice he could muster, replied. “Yes. The date.” Sometimes, it felt like his life was nothing more than one big joke with how things tended to play out.

Yugamu stared at him for a second. He blinked once, then twice, and all at once, his face bloomed into the ugliest expression. “Really? You’ll do it for me?” His chest ached at such a vile sight. Eito let out a pained grunt, placing a hand over his heart.

“I will if you stop making such an awful face,” he gripped his jacket tightly, “please…it’s so disgusting…”

Almost immediately, his expression evened out into a calm smile. “As you say then. What kind of date would I be if I made my partner uncomfortable before we even started?” Yugamu’s smile widened just a little more, his tone deepening, becoming a little more sultry. It sounded gross.

“Don’t worry, I’d only ever hurt you if you asked for it.” Eito’s lip curled into a scowl unwillingly at hearing such disgusting words. He never could understand how someone like him worked. Though he knew those words were meant to comfort him, they only had the adverse effect.

“How comforting,” he remarked sardonically.

Yugamu continued to smile. “Isn’t it? Aren’t you glad you’re stuck with me and not some other, cold-blooded assassin?”

Eito chose not to dignify that with a response. Instead, he sent him one last look of disdain before turning to the door. “Let’s just get this over with,” he grumbled. The faster this ridiculous “date” was over with, the better.

“Oh, don’t say that—you’ll break my heart,” Yugamu said with a dramatic flourish before holding a hand out. “Shall we go then?”

Eito glanced at the smelly, rotting thing and spoke on impulse, smiling all the while. “I’d thank you to keep your filthy hand away from me.” Yugamu didn’t seem to take it in offense. He laughed it off, dropping his hand without protest. A small part of him kicked himself over that. He was just being kind, wasn’t he? He hadn’t meant to blurt what he said out loud, but he couldn’t take it back now.

“Worth a shot. Then, allow me to lead the way.” At least Yugamu took it in stride. He walked ahead of him, slowly heading towards the door. Once he made it to the entrance of the courtyard, Yugamu turned around with an expectant gaze. Eito felt a small twinge of irritation spark in his chest. Was he just playing with him? He was always the type to tease, yes, but he thought that he was being serious for this.

It took only a few larger steps to catch up to him and Eito gave him a dubious look. “You will go through with it, right?” He murmured. A light, awful laugh cut through the silence of the night.

“Do you think I would turn you down for a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity like this?” He asked, still giggling. “Already, I’m thinking of how you look on the inside. Ah…I’ve always thought of you as adorable, but I’m sure you look absolutely stunning underneath.”

Maybe it was the absurdity of the situation, but Eito found himself responding in a quiet, subdued tone. “Did you now?” He’s been called a few things before. But adorable certainly wasn’t one of them. When he was a child perhaps—but not now. It left him feeling oddly…misplaced. On one hand, instinct made him recoil, and being called that by a human—clone or not. On the other hand, he clung to the word, turning it over in his head.

His face felt a little warmer than it had before.

Adorable.

How ridiculous.

Yugamu covered his mouth, but Eito already knew that behind it was a wide grin. “Of course I did. I think all of you are just the cutest little things. So very sweet and gentle.” Eito couldn’t contain his huff of disbelief.

“Sweet and gentle?” He parroted incredulously. “You remember who I am, yes?”

His reply was swift and firm. “I do, and if you weren’t either of those things, we wouldn’t be here right now.” Eito paused, blinking at him with wide eyes. Something in his chest twisted, but it wasn’t from pain. Yugamu seemed to grin even wider, winking at him before turning away again.

“We’re burning moonlight like this. Let’s get started, shall we?” And with that, he left the courtyard, leaving Eito to stare at the spot where he was, replaying those words in his head. Him? Adorable? Sweet and gentle? Impossible. How could he be? Not when his entire being was born of hatred, made only to despise those who created him. Eito Aotsuki wasn’t any of those things. Or rather, he wasn’t capable of it.

Despite that, the way Yugamu had said it—the smooth, soft tone he could just barely hear underneath had him feeling as if he’d been swept off the floor. Eito’s face felt as if it would set itself alight any moment now. He’s never felt like this before, and the thought shook him enough that he was left completely caught off guard. Still, he couldn’t keep Yugamu waiting, and once he finally felt as if he had calmed down some, he too left the courtyard.

Outside, Yugamu was waiting for him with that same repulsive smile still on his face. “There you are. For a second, I thought you ditched me and went back to your cage to do it yourself.”

“And if I did?” He asked.

“I’d be sad you didn’t ask me to watch,” Yugamu replied with a pout.

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. A bad decision, as he was immediately hit with Yugamu’s odorous scent. Eito winced, but held back the urge to flinch. He’d get used to it soon enough. For now, he kept his eyes shut and focused on breathing.

…To think that this would be his life now. A world of nothing but darkness. Stumbling blindly towards a now uncertain future. When all is said and done, would he wish he’d never made this choice?

The answer was obvious the moment he thought back to the rest of the SDU. Their determination, their drive, shining so bright it overpowered any distortion in his eyes for even just a moment. A single moment was all it took for him to realize that this was the only way. If he wanted to continue to live—or rather, if he wanted to begin to, he would need to throw it all away. All that he’d once thought made him a saint among demons.

His righteous eyes…

…His…righteousness…

All of it, every single thing must be purged. If not, then Eito could never allow himself to live beside—

“Eito?” He had to suppress a flinch, snapping his head up with wide eyes. Yugamu was staring at him with worry coloring his hideous face.

He shook his head. “It’s nothing,” he said, “so, what exactly are we going to do for this ‘date’?”

Yugamu tapped his chin with a finger. “Well, I mostly just want to have a nice midnight walk with you.” He said before chuckling lightly. “Normally, I’d wander around without clothes, but something tells me you wouldn’t appreciate that.”

I hope you die, was what he wanted to say. Instead, what came out was a strangled, bewildered noise. Yugamu giggled at his misery, beginning to walk past him. “Come on, the night is still young after all.”

Walking through the halls of the school was a slightly surreal experience. He hadn’t had much time to roam around before being shortly caged up after. The vibrant, bizarrely decorated area still shocked him a little going through it, but he did his best to look unaffected. Yugamu was an ever-annoying presence beside him—his scent a constant thing that only brought him pain. But, if he were to continue on the path he chose for himself, he would need to accept that part about him. All of them.

“I can’t imagine how it must feel, knowing what you know now about your memories.” Leave it to him to start a conversation with the hard statements. Eito frowned at the reminder, wanting nothing more than to forget all about it.

If he did though, then he would still be stewing in his now unjustified hatred. He still was even now. “It’s disappointing, and shameful—” He managed to spit out. “And what about you? Your background as an assassin was also entirely fabricated.”

“Yes, but I never wanted to be one in the first place,” he placed a hand on his face and hummed, “Actually, the more I thought about it, the more relieved I got. If everything I knew was a lie, that means I have no obligation to continue killing.”

Yugamu laughed, “Isn’t it a little funny though? Why on earth would they create an assassin who hates killing? Even more, why one that revels in the act? I get that they wanted vastly different personalities, but what was I supposed to contribute other than my assassination skills?”

Eito wondered the same thing sometimes. If they hadn’t screwed up with him, what was he meant to be? A bothersome freak like Yugamu? Someone stiff and uptight like Hiruko?

Kind and approachable like Takumi?

“Maybe you’re also a mistake.” He said a little blithely. A little mean even. Eito wanted nothing more than to stop talking about their origins, even going along with whatever nonsense Yugamu wanted to do would be better than this.

Eito shouldn’t have been surprised when Yugamu didn’t seem hurt in the slightest. “Then we can be mistakes together. Isn’t that just the sweetest thing?” It really wasn’t.

He held back the urge to glare at him. “I thought this was supposed to be a date, aren’t we supposed to be talking about something more…romantic…?” The words felt clunky in his mouth. It felt ridiculous to talk as if it were an actual date, but that’s what he ended up doing anyway.

Yugamu perked up, smiling brightly. “Oh, I can do that too. I’m not sure your idea of romance is the same as mine though…” That would’ve been true if Eito had an idea of romance. The closest his memories had gifted him in that department was very brief, uninterested glances at the romance novels in the library. He didn’t have the slightest clue what to expect when it came to dates.

Horrifyingly enough, Yugamu probably had more experience in that department than he did.

“Do what you want, it’s your idea after all,” he said, sighing in defeat.

Yugamu’s footsteps halted. Eito stopped as well. “Even if it is mine, I still want you to have a good time.” He turned to him with a frown with Eito mirroring his expression. A good time? When he’s going to be blind in a few hours?

“Forgive me for being blunt, but I’m not sure that’s possible right now.” Yugamu hummed thoughtfully, walking with a small smile. “Give me until the end of the date. I’m sure I can make you enjoy even a little bit of it.” Why he was so insistent on Eito having a good time was beyond him. He hadn’t expected Yugamu to take it so seriously.

It’s so juvenile. So stupid.

“We’ll see about that,” he said.

The place Yugamu ended up leading him first was the Cafeteria. It looked the same as he remembered it being when he stepped inside. From the brightly colored candies in the Candy-O-Matic, to the fish swimming peacefully in the tank beside it. Yugamu pointed to a chair. “Take a seat. I’ll get something from the—“

Eito cut him off with a strained smile. “I’d rather make my own food if that’s alright.” The thought of his bloody, mangled hands getting all over something he was supposed to eat made his stomach churn horribly. Old habits die hard, he supposed.

Yugamu shrugged his shoulders. “Alright, as long as you have something.” And with that, he moved toward the Ration-O-Matic. Eito waited until he grabbed his food—a raw egg and beef rice bowl—before going up and making a quick sandwich. It wasn’t anything fancy, but it was what he was most familiar with. Not only that, but he didn’t feel like eating anything heavy.

When he set his plate down, across from Yugamu he raised his brows. “Sandwiches, hm?” Eito watched him for a moment before grabbing one and holding it out.

“Would you like one?” He asked him. Yugamu blinked, his eye widening just a bit before quickly smiling. “Aw, you’re too kind.” There was something in his smile that put Eito on edge but before he could decipher what it was, Yugamu leaned forward and took a bite from the sandwich. Eito’s body tensed up as he sat back in his seat and swallowed.

“For something so simple, it’s quite good.” He said, tilting his head towards him, “Experienced in cooking?” Eito’s hand was still hovering in the air and with a disgruntled noise, he set it back down on his plate away from the rest of the sandwiches.

He looked away, shrugging. “A bit. I didn’t exactly like the idea of nasty-looking humans touching my food.” Not only that, but in his memories, he lived alone. It was exhausting going out to grab food every day having to prepare himself for it. Better to cook in the comfort of his home than that.

“I see,” Yugamu nodded, “so you learned out of necessity.” The easy acceptance threw him off slightly. Eito expected something about his comment about humans. It wasn’t as if he completely ignored it even. He narrowed his eyes. Once again, he still couldn’t read him properly.

Yugamu grabbed his chopsticks. “That reminds me of the first time I had to poison a target’s food.” He said, poking the egg in his bowl lightly. “I was so nervous to get it right that I missed my chance and nearly got caught.”

“My family wasn’t very happy about that,” he said gloomily, bursting the yolk with a wistful sigh accompanying it. “Then again, it never happened in the first place, did it? All those memories of us…” Yugamu trailed off, mixing everything into a frothy mess, and taking a bite.

And isn’t that something? The fact that Yugamu of all people still had memories he could cherish and grieve over. They both were grieving, except one was grieving over their hatred. Even the memories he didn’t like were ones he could now throw away happily and say they didn’t happen. What about Eito? Why can’t he just let them go just as freely? Never mind that his misery lasted his entire life. Never mind that he was made to dig his claws deep and hold on regardless.

“I hate it…” he whispered bitterly, because that’s the only thing he’s capable of, right? Hatred. He hated everything. From how he seemed hard-wired to misery to his own hatred itself. He dug his nails into the palms of his hands. How pathetic was he to be incapable of moving on?

Yugamu didn’t say anything. He didn’t offer up a shoulder to cry on, nor did he share any words of encouragement. Nothing but silence. Somehow, it felt far more comforting than anything else he could’ve done. He took that silence and used it to reel himself in again. It wouldn’t do to lose it in the middle of the Cafeteria.

They finished their meal in silence, but he found that he hadn’t minded it at all.

They left the Cafeteria once they were both finished. The moment they were outside, Yugamu let out a heavy sigh. “Well, that’s not how I would’ve normally liked a date to start, but we can make this work too.” He didn’t sound very disappointed, and Eito raised a brow. Although he didn’t have a very strict criterion for how dates were supposed to go, he would’ve thought accidentally reminding your date they were inherently broken no matter what they did was pretty disastrous.

“And what makes you say that?” Yugamu chuckled at him, propping his arm up with a hand as he spoke. “We got to know each other a little more, right?” His voice took on a more thoughtful tone as he continued. “Relationships aren’t always about the fun, fuzzy feelings. You also need to accept their other parts with open arms. The wicked, the depraved…”

He gave him a half-lidded gaze, a depraved grin creeping across his face. “The lustful.”

Eito wrinkled his nose, curling his lip back. “You just can’t help yourself from saying something disgusting can you?” Yugamu closed his eyes and laughed, tilting his head back. His voice rang throughout the hall.

“It wouldn’t be me if I didn’t.” His laugh died down, leaving only a small, almost gentle smile. “I hope you can learn to embrace that along with other parts of me with open arms too.”

He chose to ignore that last part, instead clicking his tongue at the rest. “You’re acting as if this’ll happen again.” All Yugamu did was smile teasingly.

“Who knows,” he said.

“Shall we continue on our next stop?” Eito didn’t give a reply, but Yugamu took it as a yes and began walking through the halls again, with Eito right beside him.

It turns out, their “midnight walk” wasn’t just confined to the hallways as he’d thought it would be. They ended up taking a quick visit to nearly every room they could. From the Metal Shop, to the Entrance Hall, even to the classroom where he first woke up together with the rest of the SDU.

There wasn’t a place they didn’t go, and from there, they didn’t even do much once they got there. All they did was talk about the most mundane things. Like how much Eito loved to read in the library—the only books Yugamu tended to read were chemistry, physiology, and anatomy—and how their first few days on Futurum went—Eito was locked in a cage and Yugamu was nearly killed on sight for wandering around naked.

If you asked him, it was a complete waste of time. Still, Eito could admit it was a little nice being able to hear such random facts about him. Yugamu even told him they were things no one else here knew about him. It was surely a way to try and get him to drop his guard, and it confused Eito to no end because what was his goal?

At least he was able to catch a glimpse of all the places he hadn’t gone to, such as the Metal Shop. The Bio Lab seemed to be off limits on their little “date” though, and he felt a foreboding feeling come over him when they happened to pass it.

Soon enough, they were in the Leisure Lounge next, and Eito immediately gave Yugamu a look. “I hope you don’t expect me to swim with you,” he said nervously. Eito shouldn’t have been surprised when Yugamu didn’t hesitate to grin lecherously. “Now that you brought it up, actually, I’d love to see you exposed and—“

He shot a glare at him.

Yugamu giggled, “Oh, come now, it was only a joke. It’d take far too long anyway.” With a wave of his hand, he walked closer to the pool and bent down to flick the water. “Fond of swimming, Aotsuki?” He asked cloyingly.

Eito snorted, crossing his arms and glowering at the pool. “Hardly. Sharing a pool with such foul creatures made me nearly vomit each time.” It was why he avoided things like those horrible swim meets in school before. Thankfully, his sickly appearance let him get away with skipping a majority of them.

“Aw, that’s a shame. I personally find it quite relaxing.” It wasn’t unsurprising per se, nor was it something he saw coming. Like their other trips to each room, it was simply a new fact he learned about Yugamu. Again, he couldn’t deny how nice it felt being able to know something about him that no one else did.

Eito tried to push those feelings back. Whether it worked or not, he wasn’t sure. “So then, if not to swim, why exactly did you come all this way here? In fact—“ Eito furrowed his brows— “we’ve been visiting an awful lot of places today without doing anything in them.”

“I told you, didn’t I? I just wanted a midnight walk with you. We can’t just roam the hallways the entire time, yes?” Yugamu then pouted at him. “And I told you not to be so suspicious. Is it really so unbelievable that I wanted to enjoy your company?”

“Enjoy my company?” The thought nearly made him laugh incredulously. “All I’ve done is insult you the entire time.” Yugamu stood up and approached him with a small smile.

“And you should know by now that that’s hardly a problem for me. Go on, keep talking. Tell me how gross and ugly I look.” He leaned forward into Eito’s space, his eye glinting with an unhinged glee in it. “Say to me how much you want to kill me. Don’t spare a single detail.” An unholy giggle escaped him as Eito gave him a dirty look.

“You’re such a freak.” He couldn’t help but say.

Yugamu wrapped his arms around himself with a smirk. “And don’t you forget it.” He then turned and began heading out of the lounge. “Now, onto the second-to-last location,” he declared.

“Already?” Eito didn’t hesitate anymore in following him, easily catching up and stepping into the same pace as him. Yugamu’s voice was nothing short of teasing as he spoke. “Aw, did you like spending time with me?”

Of course, the urge to say no immediately came to mind. He never said it though, lowering his head as he felt his stomach twist. Eito wasn’t sure he liked being with Yugamu, but…it wasn’t terrible either. He didn’t know what to think. All those emotions were still so foreign to him. Hatred was familiar, and something he knew intimately. This new…fondness he held, however, less so.

Just…” he trailed off, whatever barbed words he’d prepared dying on his tongue with a heavy sigh, “…lead the way.”

That “second to last” location ended up being the Courtyard. Once again, he was left confused on just why they were here—not to mention it was where they started. When he pointed that out to Yugamu, he merely rested a hand on his cheek and dramatically whined, “Oh, yes—my feet are a little tired so I thought ‘why not take a break here’?”

It was the most obvious lie he’d ever heard. Yugamu didn’t even seem like he was trying to hide the fact that he was lying, which made it all the more infuriating and odd. Seeing his confusion, Yugamu tilted his head with a frown. “You don’t want to?”

Eito took a slow, deep breath. Perhaps he was already prepared for it, or maybe being around him made him adjust to it more, but he barely even registered Yugamu’s foul scent as he did so. “…No, it’s fine.” He said, feeling calmer than he had been the entire date. “Let’s go.”

Yugamu led him to the bench near his cage and sat down, patting the spot next to him, grinning widely. Eito followed, sitting next to Yugamu without protest. Though he expected him to jump into another meaningless conversation once again, Yugamu remained silent. Instead, he closed his eyes and lowered his head, seemingly taking the time to just relax.

“It must’ve been tiring. Being stuck in a cage for days. Seeing the same sights.” He mused, raising a hand to touch one of the artificial butterflies. Eito hummed in thought, looking at the cage with a blank stare. “Not really,” he murmured, more to himself than anyone else.

Still, with how quiet it was, Yugamu heard it anyway. “Oh? And why not?” Eito wasn’t sure what kind of expression he made, but regardless, he thought long and hard about it. It’s funny. He constantly reminded himself that he wouldn’t allow himself to be so open like this. All he needed to do was to just ask Yugamu to take out his damn eyes and be done with the whole thing.

…Maybe it was the fake night sky, or maybe it was their…midnight date. Either way, he found himself opening his mouth before he could stop himself. “I suppose it doesn’t matter anymore, but I used to spend a lot of time in the hospital before.” Regardless of whether those memories were fake or not, he still remembers them so, very vividly.

“It was all white walls, white ceilings, everything.” For as long as he could remember, that was practically his home. Nearly his entire life was encased in white, and though at first he hated the way it stung his eyes, he grew to cling to the feeling of cleanliness he got looking at it.

Eito gestured around the Courtyard. “Here though, there’s nature no matter where you look,” his eyes trailed downwards, “even if a majority of it is fake.” It was still something to look at. Something to remind him of the true beauty of Earth before it was so cruelly ripped away. He gazed at the false grass, the fluttering butterflies, breathed in the air, and felt something in him crack a little. Even if it was fake, it was still important to him. He did his best to sear the image in his mind. Every single detail of the Courtyard.

“…Perhaps we should go,” Yugamu said softly after who knows how long. He’d forgotten he was even there. Sitting right beside him. He didn’t want to leave, but it’s not like he could stay here forever now, could he? He didn’t have time to dwell on things like this now. Eito had already decided that it didn’t matter what he had to sacrifice. He’d do whatever it took to defeat the him from yesterday.

Despite it all, it was a struggle to nod back at him. “Yeah, where else are we going?”

Yugamu raised a brow at him. “Oh? Finally beginning to enjoy our little outing? You know, if we’re quick about it, we can go back to my place and I can finish it off with a sweet reward.“ He stared blankly at him, his silence speaking for itself.

“What’s this? No witty quips this time?” Eito shrugged a shoulder, finally looking away. “You’d like it anyway,” he deadpanned.

Yugamu hid a smile behind his hand. “Oho, he’s learning.”

The final place that Yugamu took him was the rooftop. Something he was very hesitant about—seeing as how virtually anyone could’ve decided to wake up at that moment and gone out. Yugamu was annoyingly persistent about it though, saying that he would take full responsibility should anyone see the two of them together.

So, here he was, staring at the door to what was once his room. Eito can still remember it with some amount of fondness. The spotless appearance, blinding lights, and various books piled up on top of one another. It was his only sanctuary away from the vileness of the outside world before he’d been caged up. At the same time though, it reminded him all too much of the hospital he’d spent so many worthless days in trying desperately to cure his illness.

To think that it was worthless for an entirely different reason now.

“Why bring me here last?” He asked him, to ignore the pit in his gut, “there’s nothing else to do here.”

Yugamu sighed, shrugging his arms. “Oh, for the love of murder. Surely, you realize there’s one thing we can do here.” He then began walking towards the fence. Eito furrowed his brows, following him cautiously as he crossed over it. “That being?”

With a wide grin, he pointed a finger upwards.

“Look,” he said.

Eito did just that, and what greeted him was utterly enchanting.

He’d seen stars before, of course. Before he was caged, Eito would always watch them whenever he had the chance to. They were just so dazzling—a sight he could’ve never seen inside the Tokyo Residential Complex. At least, not in his memories of it. Somehow, tonight they seemed to shine brighter than he had last seen them. If he looked close enough, perhaps he’d be able to spot a constellation within them.

His eyes slowly moved from the night sky above to the ground below. The eternal flames burned on violently, tinting his vision in a vibrant purple. At the same time though, bits of green were still the school grounds. After all this time, nature still found a way to endure. It was a beautiful sight—one he was sure to remember for the rest of his life.

Eito know that doing what he knew was the right thing would lose him everything—including these small glimpses of the world that he never thought he could see. That was alright. He’d already resolved himself to see things through. This was the only chance he had to make it up to them.

And yet, even so…

…

He didn’t realize the warmth on his cheeks was tears until his vision became completely blurred.

Eito was never the type to cry loudly. He preferred to hideaway and weep to himself alone. That trend remained the same even now. Even as tears flowed unceasingly from his eyes, he remained silent through it all. Just like when he was in the Courtyard, Eito took his time committing every single detail to his mind, blinking the tears from his eyes as he did.

He didn’t know how long he cried, but by the time he was all out of tears, he felt something hesitantly graze the back of his hand. Eito sniffled, turning to see Yugamu still staring at the flames, yet his hand stroked his again. He stared at his hand, a ball of emotion welling up and getting caught inside his throat.

Was an assassin supposed to be this generous?

Slowly, very slowly—as if half-expecting his touch to burn—Eito laced their fingers together. His skin still crawled at the sensation of holding onto raw meat, but he didn’t let go. Somewhere underneath this monstrous visage was Yugamu. Someone who listened could listen in calm, accepting silence. Someone who, despite his constant jabs, didn’t get frustrated or annoyed with him.

That ball in his throat began to dissolve.

“…It’s disgusting,” he choked out.

“Ah, sorry. Here, let me—“

He gripped his hand tighter.

There was a soft cough, and Eito turned to see Yugamu coughing into his fist. “Well…I suppose this is where I’ll have to end our little date.” Finally, he looked at Eito with a smile.

“I hope you enjoyed it.” It was so small, with an emotion far too simple for him to name. Another realization came over him that this truly was nothing more than an meaningless date. A simple outing where nothing in particular happened. Just the two of them roaming the school together, talking, and just being in the other’s presence.

He swallowed hard. “It was fine.” Was all he could manage. Anything more would feel like he was revealing far too much. Yugamu made what he assumed was supposed to be a petulant expression, but it came off looking eerie and gross.

“My, you’re quite hard to please, aren’t you?” As always, he recovered quickly and straightened up again. “But, I do suppose that’s one of your charms.” Is it? He was nothing but difficult this entire time. Eito didn’t think Yugamu would’ve been enjoying himself, but knowing him maybe he did truly like even the sharpened jabs Eito would give him from time to time. It was a thought that made his skin crawl, yet his skin felt a little warmer at the same time.

Yugamu tugged at their hands gently. “Shall we start towards our final destination?” Eito looked at the rotting flesh and slowly began to nod. The sight it made were nothing short of disgusting, but he still didn’t let go even then.

“Please do,” he whispered.

Maybe if he were alone, the walk to the Bio Lab would feel more intimidating. Eito wasn’t though. Yugamu was right beside him, guiding him through vibrant halls—ones that he’d soon no longer be able to see anymore. He examined each smooth surface, allowed himself to simply exist to properly experience everything before he couldn’t anymore.

Yugamu remained silent the entire time. For once, there were no perverse jokes, nor idle chatter. Only a solemn silence as they approached the lab. He opened the door with little fanfare, giving Eito his first and last look at the inside.

It was dark, yet lit up with bright, vibrant, most likely toxic chemicals. There was an operating table set dead in the middle of the room, with cabinets lining the walls. Despite the room being free to use by anyone, somehow the entire thing just screamed Yugamu, and he couldn’t help the huff of amusement that escaped him.

“Alright, go ahead and get yourself comfortable, I’ll start preparing.” He let go of Eito’s hand and began rifling through the Bio Lab, grabbing various medical tools and supplies. Eito watched him for a moment, before slowly inching toward the operating table. He took off his jacket, staring at it with an ache in his chest.

This was it. No turning back now. He eased himself onto the table, trying to get his body to relax as he stared up at the ceiling. Soon, it would be nothing but black. An all-consuming darkness that he could never run from. This was his choice—something he must do to prove himself to not just the SDU but the person he was before. It had to be done. It must be done.

Yugamu popped into his vision again, an unreadable expression on his face. “Did you see everything you wanted?” He asked Eito.

At first, he didn’t know what he meant. But, slowly, that single question caused everything to click inside his head like a jigsaw puzzle. All at once, he understood. The reason why Yugamu insisted on their little outing, why he made sure to hit every important room despite not doing anything in them—he knew it all.

“You…” he breathed out.

There was nothing Eito could say to finish that sentence.

He simply giggled as if what he’d done wasn’t anything special. Like he didn’t give Eito the chance to relieve what scarce memories he held here—if even for a moment. “I’ll just take that as a yes. I hope you enjoyed our very first date, Eito. Maybe after all is said and done, you’d be open to a second one.”

It was all too much to process at once. Eito cleared his throat, trying to will it to stop closing up. “Maybe,” he managed to choke out in a hushed tone.

“That’s all I needed to hear,” he said, “heehee, how exciting.” Yugamu left his vision for a moment and he felt the familiar sensation of having his sleeve pulled back and his arm sanitized, preparing for an injection.

Yugamu came back before he could panic and showed him a syringe in his hand. “This is a pretty fast-acting anesthetic, so the next time you wake up, it should be when the operation is over.” Eito nodded slowly and felt the slight pinch of the needle break skin.

It didn’t even take a minute before his eyelids started to droop. Eito thought about everything that had happened thus far. The date, getting to know Yugamu better, and now willingly letting him operate on him like this. At the start, he was certain it was a mistake to let him do so, but now that he was going through with it he couldn’t help but think…

Maybe Yugamu stopping him was a good thing.

“…It takes a vast amount of resolve to be willing to offer yourself up like this.” A voice whispered to him. It sounded so far from Eito, as his vision became hazy.

“Because of that, I promise to treat you with the love and care necessary for this.” A weird, wet feeling brushed against his cheek.

“Pleasant dreams, Eito.”

He closed his eyes and thought no more.

Eito came to in phases. First, there was the dull ache in his eyes, then the heavy feeling in his head, finally his consciousness came, and on instinct he opened his eyes—

There’s nothing there.

Eito blinked.

There’s nothing there.

His heart began to pound in his chest, his breathing becoming frantic as he began to rise from where he was sleeping—where was he anyway—until a pair of hands grabbed his shoulders.

“Shhh,” they hushed gently, “it’s okay. You’re in the Bio Lab right now.

“Bio Lab? Why am I in the Bio Lab?” He asked, latching onto their hands and trying to rip them from him. Eito gasped for breath almost ready to thrash around as the hands didn’t budge.

“You’ll remember if you calm down,” they said, “take a few deep breaths and think.” He did as they asked without thinking, breathing in and out. While he did, memories of what happened began to resurface. Right, he was in the Bio Lab because he asked Yugamu to blind him. He was also probably the one holding him right now.

Eito’s shoulders began to drop, his heart slowing into a calmer pace. “Remember now?” He nodded slowly, and Yugamu clapped his hands. “Perfect! I’ll just do a quick little check-up now, so give me a second.”

“Does it hurt when I touch you here?” He felt Yugamu’s hands cup his face and gently pressed his thumbs against the skin under his eyes. Slowly, they circled Eito’s eyes. They ached slightly, but other than that, there was nothing else of note. Eito said as much to Yugamu, who he imagined nodded at the information.

“Alright, that’s to be expected. I do recommend investing in some sunglasses by the way.” Yugamu said.

“Other then that though, congratulations, Eito—looks like the operation was a success.” It was said with a clapping sound, making Eito assume he clasped his hands together as he said it. He raised a hand and gently brushed it over his eyes. They were still intact. The only difference was that he couldn’t see out of them.

Admittedly, it was better than having no eyes at all in his sockets, he’d give him that. Another point to him. “How do you feel?” Eito took a deep breath. And then another. And another. He could still smell his pungent scent, which only reminded him that he had to fix his sense of scent too.

Ah, right—Yugamu’s question to him.

…

“Scared.” He ended up saying, for once deciding on the truth. “I’m utterly terrified. But, at the same time, a little relieved.”

“With this…I can see it…your innate beauty. All of you.” Already, without the reminder of what Yugamu looked like, he didn’t feel as disgusted speaking to him. Sure there was still the sensation of raw meat and his irritating voice, but he could put up with those. He’s been doing so for the majority of his life so far.

Though he couldn’t see Yugamu anymore, he’d like to imagine he threw his hands up as he sighed. “As long as you’re happy with it, then so am I.” A slight pause, and then. “We should go now before they start looking for us. The morning announcement played just a few minutes ago.”

It did? And Yugamu was here the moment he woke up. He didn’t expect to even be in the Bio Lab still when he came to. He’d thought Yugamu would move him back into the cage after he was done. Did that mean he was there the entire time? Watching Eito to make sure there weren’t any complications? He wanted to ask—at this point, he knew Yugamu would most likely give him an honest answer—but again he finds his lips unwilling to speak the words needed.

Eito didn’t want to think of the…implications that had. There was enough to agonize over, he didn’t need to add this to the list. So, he bit his tongue and remained silent.

“Need a hand?” Yugamu asked, and he could almost envision his decayed form holding his hand out as he did when he first offered it. Eito did his best to face his direction, and carefully held his hand out in turn. A gross sensation encompassed it, but Eito found that he didn’t care much, if at all.

He let himself be guided off the operating table and out of the Bio Lab. Just like before, they were walking the halls together, yet even if he couldn’t see, he still felt the same odd companionship that came with it.

“Hey, Yugamu…” he said. They were probably nearing the Cafeteria by now. Or not. He wasn’t sure, but he found himself speaking anyway just to get it out before it was too late.

There was a low hum. “Yes, dear?” He ignored the pet name, rolling around the choice in his head if he should say what he was going to. It’d show at least a part of his true feelings to him. Something he hadn’t planned to do so early, but there was a first for everything. So, he decided to throw caution to the wind and come out with it.

“Is this enough?” He whispered.

Yugamu slowed to a stop, leading Eito to do the same. There was a long silence as Eito fought the urge to shift nervously. What kind of answer would he get? A no? That no matter what he did, it wouldn’t make up for any of the things he’d done? That was all well and good though. He’d already prepared himself for that answer, Yugamu saying it would just be confirmation.

“If you asked me,” he spoke, “it’s more than enough.” Eito felt his eyes go wide, snapping his head towards his voice. There was that now familiar laugh as he squeezed his hand gently. “Don’t worry about it. I told you, didn’t I? They’re all the sweetest little things, so…I’m sure they’ll come around.”

Eito’s not very convinced about that, but at this moment, he couldn’t deny that hearing Yugamu speak so certainly made him want to believe too. He tried so hard to temper his expectations, and here he was, raising them without his consent. Eito didn’t want to hope, but he still ended up doing so anyway.

He laughed, “That’s not very nice, Yugamu.”

Eito could practically hear the smile in his voice. “Well, we’ll see if I owe you an apology later.” He squeezed his hand and for the first time, he could truly feel its warmth. “Come on, we’ll keep them waiting.”

Yugamu’s steps continue again and as always Eito followed.