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“Felix!”
“No! Leave me alone!”
“Get back here right now!”
“Fuck off, ya cunt!”
“Is that any way to speak to your hyung?”
“You deserve it!”
“Okay, fine! I’ll give you that. But seriously, just—listen-”
Chan’s fingers curled around his elbow, pulling him to an effective stop in the midst of his rage-induced march. “Just listen to me,” he stressed, breathing heavily through his nose.
There were tears of rage—of betrayal—in Felix’s eyes when he finally met the elder’s gaze. “What, hyung? What more can you possibly have to say to me now?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Is that supposed to change anything?” Felix countered, scoffing.
“No,” murmured Chan, “but I really do mean it. I’m sorry, Lix. If we had any other choice–”
Felix wrenched his arm from Chan’s grasp, laughing in complete disbelief of what he was hearing. “Any other choice?” he mocked, wiping angrily at his eyes with the heels of his palms. “You arranged my marriage, Chris. To that-that guy, that—you made that decision for me. Forget any other choice, you didn’t even give me one!”
“I-I know,” he stammered in return, lips pulled into a helpless, contrite frown. “But you have to believe me, Felix, I…we tried everything. There was no other way.”
“No other way? Seriously? You’re gonna hit me with that bullshit?”
“Yeah. I am. Because it’s true. Why would I waste my time lying to you? What would that even achieve?”
Felix stared at Chan, bewildered beyond his own comprehension.
“Look,” implored Chan, muscles tense and jaw tight, “we should be grateful that this proposal even came through when it did. When I tell you we tried everything, when I tell you we had no other choice…I mean it. We hit a dead end, Lix, and turning back was impossible. There was no way out.”
“Except for this,” deadpanned Felix.
“Except for this.”
“So the first out you saw, you just…you just took it? My dad’s corpse has barely gone cold in his grave and you’ve already arranged to pawn me off like some sort of bargaining chip?”
“Not a bargaining chip, Felix, goddammit. Listen to me. What part of ‘no way out’ don’t you understand? Beomseok and his boys are breathing down our fucking necks and you are their target. Now that David’s gone you’re like, fuck, you’re like fresh meat—and they are more than ready to tear into you until there’s nothing left.”
Felix’s glare only hardened the longer he gazed at Chan.
“There’s already nothing left.”
Chan’s throat bobbed as he swallowed. “You know that’s not what I meant.”
Bastards.
“What were the terms?” he asked shortly, trying to remain unfazed by the utterly pitiful expression on the elder’s face.
Chan said nothing.
“Chris.”
“He doesn’t require a dowry from us,” murmured Chan.
“And?”
“He’s prepared to pay off your dad’s debt. All of it.”
Felix could not believe it. “And?”
“And nothing, Felix. That’s the thing. He doesn’t want anything, not from us. He just wants you.”
The blond clicked his tongue. “Then you know it’s too good to be true. What kind of man would be willing to marry me knowing the kind of debt I carry? You know damn well it’s no small amount. What the hell is he thinking?”
“It’s not your debt, Lix.”
“It doesn’t matter. If anything, that makes it more unbelievable. My dad’s dead, and I am his heir. Which means that what was his is now mine. Or rather, what’s not his, given every morsel of wealth to the Lee name is gone. Poof. As if it never fucking existed. And now I’m the one who has to fix it.”
“Don’t you think I know that? I’ve been part of this since I was a kid. Part of this business, this family. And you? You’re my little brother. You think this was an easy decision for me to make?”
“You sure make it seem like it was! You didn’t even ask me, Chris, just—oh, sure, no problem at all! Felix will be absolutely delighted to marry fucking Hwang Hyunjin if it meant absolving him of his father’s misdeeds. What an honour!”
Chan’s jaw clenched. Felix could see the way he practically fought to hold his tongue from unleashing the verbal lashing he most definitely deserved.
But he didn’t care.
“I was supposed to do this my way,” he grieved, “I was supposed to do this on my terms. And you took that from me, hyung. You further indebted me to a man who has never known what it’s like to lose everything.”
“It’s not like that,” Chan argued softly. “Felix, please, you have to understand, this is not about whether or not you are able to right your father’s wrongs. I know you are, everyone knows you are. But there’s more to it than that.”
Felix’s brows drew together. “What?” he asked. “What more is there? What are you not telling me?”
Chan sighed, rubbing a hand along his nape. “It-it’s none of your concern, Felix. What’s done is done.”
“I’m gonna fucking punch you in the face—what the ever loving fuck do you mean none of my concern?!”
Chan lifted his hands in a gesture of good will. “I only meant that you knowing will do nothing to stop what’s coming. Just…Lix, you trust me, right?”
The blond glared at him. “You know I do, Chris. But this is different. You signed my life away and are expecting me to just…accept it. I can’t accept that. Not when it comes to-to him.”
“He’s not that bad, Lixie.”
“You’re right. He’s worse.”
Chan sighed. “He’s willing to marry you and pay off your dad’s debts. You may not like him, but he’s been nothing but civil during the entire process. Chivalrous, even.”
“And yet he didn’t extend that chivalry to me. If I’m the one he wants to marry, shouldn’t he have, oh, I don’t know, asked me? Why was I completely overshadowed if I’m the one who’s directly affected by this union?”
“It was for the best,” Chan murmured, squeezing Felix’s shoulder. “You trust me, yeah? So trust me.”
Felix shook his head dejectedly, attempting to shrug Chan’s hand from his shoulder. It didn’t budge. “You’re asking too much of me this time, hyung. Did you not consider how this would make me feel?”
“That’s all I thought about, Lix. That's all I ever think about. If I didn't have faith that Hyunjin would take care of you, look after and provide for you the way you deserve…then I wouldn’t have even considered it. Even if it meant having to deal with bad odds and dead ends.”
“So you trust that he will?”
“He’s given me no reason not to, baby.”
Chan’s thumb brushed against his pulse, a quiet reassurance, a silent comfort. “If anything, I think you’re being a little unfair.”
Yeah. Felix was about to deck him in the face, break his stupid nose–
And it was clear to the elder for he backtracked just as quick. “Only because you’re passing your judgment of his character based on…what, exactly? How well do you even know him?”
“I know him well enough, hyung.”
“How much is well enough?”
“Enough to know that he’s-he’s vile. I-I’ve heard things!”
Chan’s brow rose, wholly unconvinced. “You’re giving me nothing, here. At the very least, don’t you think you should give him the benefit of the doubt? What if he’s not at all like the things you’ve heard?”
“You’re really taking his side?”
Chan groaned quietly, rubbing the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. “There are no sides here. I just want you to be open minded about this. If you go into it thinking that it’s all some ploy to undermine your capabilities, then you’ll only struggle harder to see it for what it is. A lifeline. I just want what’s best for you.”
Another scoff. “And you believe a stranger can give that to me.”
“I have no choice but to.” He grasped both of Felix’s shoulders with desperate hands. “Do you know what kind of hell you would have to go through if you were left to deal with this on your own? You think those goddamned loan sharks would go easy on you just because you’re the son instead of the father?”
“I-”
“Has it not registered in that brilliant mind of yours that they aren’t just some street thugs with a vendetta against the rich? They’re fucking mobsters, Lix. They kill and they torture and they run human trafficking rings just because they can. Because no one will dare to stop them. And you think you could deal with that all by yourself?”
Felix’s mouth snapped shut like a clam.
“Hyunjin may not know what it’s like to be involved with those kinds of things, sure. And yeah, he may not know what it’s like to lose everything he’s ever known, but he knows that he has the means to help you. And that kind of help? You don’t just turn away.”
“That kind of help is–it’s too good to be true, Chris,” Felix argued breathlessly, reiterating his initial grievance. “He doesn’t want a dowry, doesn’t care that I’m neck-deep in debt, doesn’t care that the Lee name is practically tarnished beyond recognition. He doesn’t even know me, and yet he’s willing to shoulder all of the baggage I come with? He doesn’t even know me, and yet he wants to marry me? No one does that out of the pure goodness of their heart, hyung. It’s inconceivable.”
“Well he is. Deal with it.”
Felix’s face fell from the finality in Chan’s voice, but he’d be damned if he let a single tear fall from his eyes.
“Hyunjin’s name itself guarantees protection and security. If I were in your shoes, I’d suck it up and put aside my dislike for him if it meant I’d be getting that along with everything else.”
“That is-that is so fucking unfair and you know it. You know it, Chris!”
“Isn’t that life, though? Our lives especially?”
Felix felt his throat positively burn from the sheer amount of willpower he was exerting over his emotions. “You…you’re so mean, hyung,” he whispered, breath hitching along the last few syllables.
“Yeah, sure. But I’ll take it. You know why?”
Felix sniffled, staring at Chan with increasingly reddening eyes. Not one tear.
“Because I love you, Lix. I mean when I say that I only want what’s best for you. And Hyunjin is just that.”
“No, that—we could’ve figured this out ourselves, like you said we would. You and me and Changbin hyung and Jisung. We didn’t need him to-”
“Baby. We’ve got nothing. The deadline is just days away. Where—how—could we possibly have come up with the billions of won your dad owed them in that amount of time without resorting to the shit that got him killed? It was downright unfeasible.”
Felix felt helpless, felt—out of control. And if there was one thing Lee Felix could never tolerate, it was not having control. If he couldn’t maintain it, couldn’t uphold it…it meant he’d already failed. Meant that he’d already lost. It was his very own Achilles’ heel. His kryptonite.
“We have people who owe us a favour or two. What about them?” He asked, though part of him was already dreading the answer.
“A favour or two means nothing when your dad did what he did.”
“You don’t know that for sure-”
“One thing you’re not is stupid, Felix. You know damn well that the people who owed us those favours are the same people your father scorned. It. Means. Nothing.”
Felix released a shuddering breath.
“We’re in deep shit, baby. Deep shit. Your dad blindsided us all. Everything we thought we knew, everything we thought we had—gone. He fucked up so bad it’s like it never existed.”
“But why, Channie? Why did this happen? How?”
Chan shook his head, teeth pulling at a flake of dried skin on his chapped bottom lip. “That’s what we’re trying to figure out.”
“Then how did Hyunjin know? Only inner circle knew about the details, so then how did-”
“He said he’d heard it through the grapevine,” Chan answered a little too quickly. “Associates of his associates, something of that nature. I’ve no doubt someone let it slip that Lee David had ties to the wrong crowd. It doesn’t matter, though. It was gonna come out eventually. You know how quickly this shit spreads.”
Felix eyed him curiously, a furrow formed deep between his brows. Chan wasn’t looking at him, though.
Hm.
“Yeah,” he said, “I do.”
They so loved to gossip—businessmen, socialites, the tabloids. All of them, in more ways than he was sure he could even fathom. It wasn’t surprising, exactly, but it left a bitter taste on his tongue all the same. Being the target of such ruthless scrutiny was not something Felix had ever gotten used to, even if it was a perpetual accessory to the daily comings and goings of his life.
And now the whole world knew of his father’s sins. They were plastered over every single news outlet and media source in bold, flashing headlines.
The worst part? It left Felix entirely vulnerable to any and all attacks. There was no safety net he could hide behind anymore, that could take the hit or save him from the brunt of it. Chan and Changbin and Jisung could try to be his shields, and only god knows they did their damnedest to ensure his physical and mental wellbeing, but it wasn’t enough. No, he was an open target and people were lined up to notch their arrows and aim right for his head.
Everyone had waited for the demise of Lee David’s empire—silently, wordlessly. Because the fact of the matter is that old money did not favour the new, and definitely not when it progressed faster and spanned farther than theirs ever had. They’d hidden behind grins wide with polished veneers and an uncomfortable knack for brown-nosing that bordered indecent. But upon closer inspection, anyone could see the green-eyed monsters that hid behind their façades. Felix had. He was sure his father had, too. Lee David was a smart man. But, Felix supposed, not smart enough.
A smart man wouldn’t end up with a bullet between his eyes if it was something he could see coming, but he did. And with the demise of Lee David came the demise of his glittering empire. The one he’d built from the ground up, the one that proved every single naysayer wrong when it was his name that was plastered onto the newest, grandest highrise in Seoul.
It was, dare he say, a modern rendition of the Fall of Icarus. He’d flown too high, too far, and when he thought he’d reached the pinnacle of self-fulfillment and success, his wings burned, and he came plummeting down to earth like a lifeless bird. And the ones who’d once paraded themselves around him like prideful hyenas swooped in to pick at whatever scraps remained. They became vultures, scavenging the carcass of his greatness.
Felix was the biggest scrap, the one they fought to possess like some sort of exclusive commodity. But really, they just wanted to rub salt in his wounds and spit on the remnants of a dead man’s legacy so that he could never rest in peace.
After all, why stop at one when you can demolish them all?
His mother was lucky to have made it out of there when she had the chance. Granted, she didn’t exactly choose leukemia, but Felix knew that if she were here to live through this, it would have ruined her. Destroyed not only her mind but her heart. Her soul. The cancer had already taken care of her body, rendering it weak and fragile beyond human function. But it was her soul and her heart that refused to be trampled into nothing.
Felix knew that’s exactly what this would have done. And honestly, he didn’t know if he’d be able to handle that. It was already traumatising enough to watch his mother lose her life to one of the most merciless illnesses known to mankind, traumatising enough to watch her lose her hair, then the healthy fat on her bones, the colour to her skin, but if he had to witness the deterioration of the things that made her her , he’s certain her funeral wouldn’t be the only one his father would have had to attend. He loved his mom more than anything, more than anyone. She was the one who made it all okay. She was the one who reciprocated that love without any conditions. Tenfold. Taught him everything he knew about being a good human being. And then she died. And that? He carried that shit deep in his chest.
His mother was a lamb among wolves–soft and gentle and so soft-spoken it was a wonder she fit in with the rest of their hardened, loud-mouthed and overly opinionated family. He imagined she was what kept that little sliver of humanity in his father from being overshadowed by his monstrous greed. He imagined, having the knowledge he now possessed, that her mere existence was juxtaposition enough to his father’s own lifestyle that it pushed him into wanting to protect it. Preserve it.
Because even after she had passed, that sliver remained. That’s when Felix knew that what his parents had was real. The love they shared wasn’t just some act, like a lot of their life was, it was real. Genuine. It breathed and it bled and when the time came, it died. But maybe part of it still lived, because even after she breathed her last, his father carried her memory like the revolver he kept strapped to his side.
His dad wasn’t perfect. He wasn’t a model human being. Felix knew that when he was alive. He became even more aware of it after he no longer was. But he was his dad. He raised him, taught him everything he’d learned throughout his life and instilled within him the knowledge and skills he’d need in order to have a secure and comfortable future. And despite the untouchable aura that surrounded him like some sort of impenetrable armour of chainmail, he was still a person, and no one deserved to go the way he did—helpless, surrounded by men who only wanted to see him hurt, see him beg for his life like a pathetic little pest. Not at all the king he had made himself to be. Not at all the man who took his sparse odds as a teenager with fuck-all to his name and ran with them until they got him a seat on a gilded throne.
Felix didn’t deserve the twisted aftermath of it all, either. He was completely oblivious to the maze of messes and deceit his father was navigating. Had no idea about the underhanded deals, the off-record handlings, the hush money, nothing. He had no idea just how much shit they were in until he came across a stack of letters in his father’s desk drawer, hidden beneath some invoices and checkbooks and some other miscellaneous missives. But he’d never forget the things he’d read on those godforsaken pieces of paper. The things he read about himself. The murder threats. The rape threats. The you’ve got a pretty boy, Lee, it’d be a shame if he weren’t so pretty no more threats.
He didn’t deserve any of that. He had no part in it, and yet he’d become an unwitting pawn to this game that was being played. He was the one who had to deal with the repercussions of his father’s choices. Choices that forced him into living like this, like a fugitive running from the state, constantly looking over his shoulder and maintaining his guard twenty-four fucking seven. Wondering if they’d come for him and make true of the things they’d described in painstaking detail. Wondering if, like his dad, one simple, unsuspecting day would be his last.
It shouldn’t have been his burden to bear, but here he was—here they were. Felix’s family not bound to him by blood but loyalty. Bowing their heads to others and arranging his marriage with the linchpin of an empire that had long withstood the test of time because there was no other way.
Hwang Hyunjin.
Old money. New ways to keep it. His family were practically royalty, spanning back until the very infancy of the Joseon Dynasty itself. If Lee David carried his wife’s memory like a concealed gun, Hwang Hyunjin carried his name like a sword–beautiful and imposing and visible enough to silence questions before they could even form. It didn’t need to be brandished for anyone to see that it was capable of great and grisly deeds. Deadly without having to be wielded by his perfectly manicured hands at all.
No mother, but a father who left no room for mistakes and even less for interpretation. Hwang Hyunjae was a quiet man with a serious disposition that he seemingly passed onto his equally morose son. Tall and formidable and the kind of handsome that Felix saw in the K-Dramas he indulged in from time to time. But of course the same could be said about his heir. Hyunjin was striking, too. The kind of striking that was made for runways and fashion spreads. The kind of striking that would make someone stop mid-stride and wonder if the face that had just passed them by was even real.
It was kind of unfair how a single person could tick so many marks on the checklist of success, but now that Felix was equipped with the almighty perspective, he could say with full confidence that it was all part of the game of life. And this one? It favoured people like the Hwangs.
The Hwangs…with perfection etched into every step they took. They owned businesses and casinos and three Michelin star restaurants. Chances are, if it was lucrative, if it drew crowds and gazes and journalists, it was affiliated with the family. Museums, art galleries, even something as small and unsuspecting as a cat café. All theirs. Endless feathers in the cap of their insurmountable glory.
There was no doubt that the billions his father owed was mere pocket money for people like that, but why would anyone willingly tie themselves to the Lees now? After everything that’s been revealed?
It made no sense. None. Zilch. At least, not to a sane man (which Felix considered himself to be.) But then again, Felix was operating as per his usual MO just a few weeks ago, completely unaware of the rot that lingered beneath the polished silver of their lives. His dad was alive and breathing, looking forward to his forty-fifth birthday right around the corner. Things were as they’d always been. Routines were hectic and uncompromising. If it didn’t make any sense, it’s because there was no way for it to. Unpredictability was a symptom of life, and it was apparent now that the Lees’ lives were completely infected with it.
Only, he hadn’t expected Hwang Hyunjin to be the cure. Never in a million years would he have even considered it a possibility. Though their circles were, more or less, the same—and though, by all rights they probably had more in common than they had differences, not once had their paths crossed in a manner that would foster the creation of any sort of relationship. Felix had the inkling that Hyunjin didn’t particularly care to let them, given that he always found ways to refuse him. The closest he had ever gotten to the Hwang heir without denting his pride was catching a glimpse of him at some charity gala or another. Across the room, impeccably dressed and painfully bored.
He just seemed so…untouchable.
Like silk over stone. Beautiful, but cold. It didn’t help facilitate the rumours he’d heard, either. Rumours that spoke of his taciturnity and indifference to…well, other people. He was the mirror image of his father. All business, no pleasure.
Unfortunately, that’s exactly why he intrigued Felix. He was intrigued by the rumours, the whispers. He was intrigued by the man who had the audacity to turn him away at every opportunity. Him! Lee Felix!
But maybe…maybe there was some good in this yet. Maybe Chan was right, and Felix should at least offer the man the benefit of the doubt. Give him the chance to prove himself, to show Felix that he was human beneath all those crisp lines and double-breasted Versace blazers.
“And he just…what, offered to marry me?”
But wasn’t that in and of itself a ginormous gamble?
Chan smoothed his hands down the length of Felix’s arms, then circled them around his wrists before entwining their fingers together. “He’s the one who came to me. The proposal, the terms and conditions…it was all him.”
What?
“Did he tell you why?”
Chan shook his head. “We weren’t exactly in the position to bargain. He was adamant, though. I’ll tell you that.”
“Chris…”
“Look, I know it seems…strange. Too sudden. Too ambiguous. But I made a promise to your dad, and I don’t plan on breaking it.”
“What promise?”
“To keep you safe no matter the cost, and to make sure you’re happy even when circumstances may not call for it.”
Felix laughed a sad, breathy laugh, coloured at the edges by sorrow and grief. “Did he know, Chris? Did my father know that he was going to die?”
Chan’s features softened. He seemed to consider something heavy for a moment. Heavy. Complex. Not meant to be discussed. “He…he never said anything that would make me think the clock was ticking for him, honestly. But he was persistent about making sure you’d be okay when the day came that the mantle would be passed to you. Wouldn’t relent until I swore to him, even though I’d already made that my life’s goal.”
Felix’s eyes filled with tears.
“He really loved you, your dad. And so do I.”
“I know.”
“I’m so sorry. Lix. Despite everything, he was a good man.”
The blond nodded, wiping the tears from his cheeks. “I know.”
Chan reached up, cupping Felix’s cheek as he swept a thumb under his eye. “All of us–me and the boys. Your dad—we have only ever wanted the same thing: the best. For you. For your family. Your legacy. I know this isn’t the way you’d want that for yourself, I know this isn’t fair to you, but I have faith in Hyunjin. I have faith that he’ll be able to help you reach a point where you can be the best again.”
Felix didn’t say anything.
“Just give him a chance, sunshine. Give Hyunjin the chance to prove himself worthy of you. Because personally? I don’t think a single man out there is.” He smiled that cheeky, lopsided smile of his. “But, I guess if there’s anyone who comes even remotely close, then Hwang Hyunjin ought to be the one.”
Felix scoffed, humoured by his hyung’s attempt at lightheartedness. Yet his mind raced with a hundred thoughts and a million emotions. But one stood out above them all.
“I’m scared, hyung.”
Chris’s heart ached deep within the confines of his ribcage.
“I’m so scared.”
Chan pulled him to his chest. One of the things Felix loved most about him was that despite their similar heights, Chan was broad in ways he wasn’t—which meant that he was built for safety. Built to make him feel protected. When Chan’s arms were around him, Felix could rest assured knowing he was safe from all harm.
Chan felt like home. Always had, ever since they were kids and his father had brought the elder to their estate. Introduced him as the newest member of their family and Felix’s freshly minted “big brother.”
The connection was instant. Felix didn’t even care about the why or the how, he was just ecstatic to have someone to play with. To talk to. Granted, Chan was a few years older, but even that didn’t stop him from indulging the younger boy. Didn’t stop him from spoiling him rotten like a real brother would. They’d play together, tell stories together, run through the estate while getting chased by the butler together.
Everything they did, everything they were, it was only so because they were together.
Chan didn’t have to share Felix’s blood to be family. But Felix would argue that he hadn't just gained a new family member that day. He’d gained a lifelong friend. And that connection? The one that sparked like a powder keg from the moment they shook hands at five and eight years old? It had only grown and evolved alongside them.
“What have I told you, hm? When you’re scared, when you’re sad, when you need someone, what do I always tell you?”
Felix sniffled against his shoulder.
“Always find me, yeah? You can always find me.” He stroked Felix’s back with gentle hands. “We’re in this together, okay? I’m not gonna leave you behind. Not now, not ever.”
And only when he felt Chan’s arms tighten around his back, certain and strong, and only when he wrapped his own around Chan’s waist, a little hesitant, a little unsure, did he let his eyes close.