Work Text:
Pebble’sThrowawayaccount1982: I Think I Am In Love With My Boss! What should I do?
This is going to be long and mostly be a ramble because I just need to get it off my chest somewhere my boss (probably) won’t see. He is a genius and amazing with technology so I wouldn’t be surprised if this comes back to bite me in the ass in a few months but I digress. I would like genuine advice, not trolls, please.
So I (32 m) am fairly certain I am in love with my boss (53 m) and I don’t know what to do! For the sake of privacy I will be calling him Rob and using a throwaway account.
For a little background, my boss Rob is infamous among colleagues for being cruel. He has shown violent behavior and loud outbursts before. He can be verbally abusive to “imbeciles” which includes everyone around him and pretty much the entire world. I am also included in the imbeciles. And before you claim that is just his ego talking you would be (only partially) wrong. He has the IQ to back it up and then some. He still works here because he is an absolute genius and the higher ups need him or else the entire company will crumble and then the US military would suffer.
I was in a separate field but was transferred to work for Rob because he blew through all his previous assistants. He has never had an assistant last longer than a month without them quitting or being fired (some do disappear). I have lasted ten months and genuinely love my job and I have been told (in a roundabout way) that I am better than everyone else who has tried and failed.
However, recently I have found myself distracted from my work. He has always drawn my attention but now I just can’t stop staring at him. He has caught me a few times and his reactions range from anger because I wasn’t working to “Obviously you’d be staring. I am the best thing in this room.”
I want to follow him around outside of work and genuinely talk about topics that are not work related or shit talking coworkers (they really do suck, and that’s not just me trying to suck up).
I have recently started adding hearts to his lattes and he claims that he “loves the way I make them.” It makes me so happy to hear. I have never felt this way about anyone else before so I am not sure if I am in love or if Rob is the only person I care about or trust in this world.
The real issue isn’t the fact that he is my employer because we have actually been commuting HR violations my entire time here (one time he put his fingers in my mouth and it was really hot with the leather and metal of his gloves on my tongue but that is besides the point). The issue is that I like it when he randomly punches me or orders me around. Rob has yelled at me before, along with other behavior like ordering me to pin myself to a wall, punching me in the stomach randomly, throwing hot coffee at me, spitting in my face, biting me, and using me as target practice as he throws everything on his desk at me.
So Reddit, how should I react? How do I ask him out??
Top/relevant comments:
Commenter 1: Oh Stone~, I found your account. We will be talking about this tomorrow. I would say it will be painful but it seems like you are into that, freak. 5am sharp. Bring lattes.
Op responded to commenter 1: yes sir🫡
Comment 2: hey so what the fuck, OP? This man sounds genuinely awful. I think you should quit or transfer. You said he was abusive, violent, and made people literally disappear. Those are all red flags, you shouldn’t love this man let alone work for him. It sounds like he walks all over you and you just let it happen. You may be an assistant to him, but this is no way to treat another human being.
I think you should seek out HR and report this behavior even if the company needs his work for the “US military” or whatever (we all saw that brag). He needs to face consequences for sticking his fingers in your mouth or randomly punching you!
There is also the fact that he has authority over you in the sense that you are his employee and that you clearly have a thing for older men, which he will definitely exploit if he finds out based on the information you have provided. This is not healthy and is not going to end in a healthy relationship.
OP responded to commenter 2: shame that you can’t understand true love.
Comment 3: read the title and thought oh man straight people at it again but god damn this is the most toxic yaoi I have ever seen. And holy shit?? His actual boss is in the comments? Go get that man, Rob! He is so clearly head over heels for you and your weird flirting style of screaming at and manhandling him!
Genius300IQ Direct Messaged Pebble’sThrowawayaccount1982
Genius300IQ: Next time you make a Reddit account with a throw away email don't link it to your work email Agent.
Pebble’sThrowawayaccount1982: Of course, sir. Sorry, sir.
Genius300IQ: Oh, stop fidgeting. You're not fired.
Pebble’sThrowawayaccount1982: That is such a relief! Thank you, sir!
Genius300IQ: I may like you like that back.
Genius300IQ: Delete this account.
Genius300IQ blocked Pebble’sThrowawayaccount1982
Pebble’sThrowawayaccount1982: OH MY GOD?
Genius300IQ unblocked Pebble’sThrowawayaccount1982
Genius300IQ: One more thing, the comments calling you a simp are hilarious and I am calling you simp-ophant when we are alone. You can’t escape this.
Genius300IQ blocked Pebble’sThrowawayaccount1982
First update five years later:
I just thought I would keep you updated since everyone seemed so interested.
So for a little context, if you saw my last post everyone said my boss, Rob, was abusive and I should report him to HR. To that I say, we were officially dating for a while (didn’t let the higher ups know so we kept it between ourselves). It was a conventional relationship, we were still struggling to find our footing in it.
However, a little under four months ago he disappeared as part of a work related accident. The company we work at erased everything about him and everyone was banned from talking about him which, as you can tell by the first post, everyone except I was ok with. I slipped through the cracks to collect anything I could, but I just miss him so much.
I quit because I couldn’t stand working there anymore without him. I now work as a barista.
I own the shop too, everyone just stopped showing up to work and the owner got arrested for embezzlement:/
Not much of an update, I know. I have been really depressed lately and only recently remembered this account while scrolling through the few pictures I have left of him.
Top/relevant comments:
Commenter 1: oh man dude! I am so sorry, that sounds awful. I hope he manages to find his way back to you. Until then hold on to hope!
Commenter 2: That's really sad. I’m sorry for saying you were in an abusive relationship. It is clear that you really loved him and he loved you back.
Second update one year later:
HE'S ALIVE AND WE LIVE TOGETHER!!!
Sorry I haven’t updated in awhile, my life got a little hectic four months after I made that post.
My (former) boss came back!!! And then we almost died and I had to nurse him back to health.
Anyway, we live together now and he calls me his househusband. We are happyish (he has depression but I am doing my best to help.)
I am not sharing too many details, because our former company is actually looking for us and also Rob is a famous streamer now.
Thank you all for reading along:) I hope this is my final update.
Commenter 1: Congrats, OP!!
Update three one years later:
He blew up in space.
He saved this planet for me and died.
Commenter 1: WAIT THIS WAS ABOUT FUCKING DR. IVO ROBOTNIK THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME??? YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH DR. EGGMAN????? HOLY SHIT YOU ARE WHIPPED MY GUY!! HOW DO YOU LOVE THAT MESS??
Comment 2: WAIT WAIT THAT SHOUT OUT WAS TO YOU??! THIS IS THE AGENT STONE’S ACCOUNT?? CAUSE CONGRATS ON GETTING UR LOVE VALIDATED AND ALL, BUT RIP UR HUSBAND!
Commenter 3: Holy shit Aban what the fuck is wrong with you, we all knew you were a freak but still. This is insanity. Seek help.
Op replied to commenter 3: Hello, Agent Willoughby. I will dox the entirety of GUN:) unless you delete this comment and your account. Also I will bring my husband back to life and if you or GUN stand in my way I will rip you all limb by limb while laughing:)
There have been no updates since Pebble’sThrowawayaccount1982 was suspended for threats of violence.