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The knight had quickly separated himself from his allies. The snowfall had halted, leaving a blanket of white across the field. He knew they didn’t like it when he ran off on his own, but he would have to just deal with Akito’s wrath later. Guilt of abandonment melted away fast; they could handle themselves, they had proven themselves more than capable. He had only one thing on his mind: to find that damn sorcerer.
Tsukasa dashed between and dodged approaching enemies, hitting them with a swift cut of his sword. His form was fast and flawless, with the speed and elegance of a hawk, so it didn’t take long for him to disappear into the trees, hidden from the enemy line. He slowed down, peering through the dead undergrowth for his target. The sorcerer always kept himself concealed from the rest of the battle. It was a smart tactic, as he never needed to be on enemy lines in order to complete his work. If anything, that distance did nothing but allure him to the sorcerer even more, but he would rather heel to the blade of an enemy than admit that. In any case, it just made it that much more difficult for Tsukasa to find out where he was hiding.
The loud crunch of snowfall alerted the knight and he stopped his pace. Someone had followed him. He wouldn’t allow anyone to listen in on the conversation he intended to have.
He quickly whipped around, shifting to the left just in time to maneuver away from a fast approaching blade. Her weapon sliced the cold air, allowing time for Tsukasa to regain his footing. His eyes widened in surprise for a brief moment, before narrowing onto his target.
Drawing his sword back, he cut through his opponent with ease, severing her jugular with a diagonal slit. She dropped her weapon, grabbing at her throat in shock, fear glazing over his enemy’s eyes. Little could be done for her, the rapid beating of her heart causing a spray of crimson droplets to decorate the pristine snow. Her demise stained the desolate battlefield a bright red.
A beautiful red.
A comforting red.
Tsukasa blinked, and she was gone.
The snow was melting in the garden, the afternoon sun shining brightly overhead. His boots were planted deep in the snow, a trail of footprints leading into the woods in front of him. Realizing he had been holding his breath, the boy exhaled, small particles of ice filling the air in front of him. He turned his back to the treeline, directing his attention toward the house.
What was I doing outside?
He took a cautious step forward, placing one foot in front of the other. He managed to make it to the door, a layer of fog clouding his mind. It was a familiar house, a large, two story estate that he was sure held many memories. His hand hovered over the brass knob as he tried to remember what brought him back home. The swirl of haze blanketed his thoughts, a dull ache of discomfort settling in. Finally, he turned the doorknob and the door creaked open, allowing the sunshine to flood into the dark house.
“Onii-chan!” a girl’s voice rang out from inside.
Kicking off his snow-covered boots, he continued further into the house. The foyer sat as it always had, two elegant armchairs placed around a carved, wooden table on one side,a large, gold-framed mirror hanging on the opposite wall. It was mostly spotless, save for the melting snow puddling under his discarded boots. The sound of footsteps and giggling was followed by a young girl rounding the corner.
“Onii-chan, there you are!” she spoke playfully, quickly closing the gap between herself and Tsukasa.
Her hair was tied into two pigtails, the tips fading into a beautiful red. A comforting red. She wore a wide smile on her face.
He opened his mouth to reply, but the words froze in his throat. The icicles hanging from the roof dripped outside, interrupting the long silence that spread between them; drip, drip, drip. He closed his mouth and gritted his teeth, swallowing thickly. Despite his inability to respond, the girl nodded and took his hand.
“That sounds like fun!” she giggled, pulling Tsukasa gently to follow her back down the hallway. “You just missed ▇▇▇▇! He brought us a gift from ▇▇▇▇▇▇, I can’t wait to show you!”
The two entered a bedroom, presumably belonging to the girl. The walls were covered in a light pink patterned wallpaper and there were all sorts of stuffed toys on her bed.
“I’m really sad you didn’t get to see ▇▇▇▇,” the girl pouted, letting go of his hand once they breached the doorway. She trotted over to the bed and plucked two of the plushies from the front of her pile. She handed Tsukasa one of them; it was a labrador dog, its head covered by a plush knight’s helmet. Its fur was soft to the touch, and it wore an intentionally tattered scarf. The scarf was a beautiful, comforting red.
Tsukasa tried to speak again, but to no avail. He felt his heart beating loudly in his chest; thump, thump.
The girl smiled and hugged onto her own toy. “I’m glad you like it!” She held a similarly designed plush dog, hers fitted with a bow around the neck and a shiny crown.
“The toys from ▇▇▇▇▇▇ are always so cute, I hope ▇▇▇▇ never stops visiting us.” She covered her mouth, glancing away sheepishly. “That sounded selfish, didn’t it? That’s not what I meant at all,” the girl sighed, tightening her grip on the toy and returning her gaze to Tsukasa.
“I think we just need to hold onto whatever reason we can to keep ▇▇▇▇ around, right Tsukasa-kun? We can’t ever forget him.”
He opened his mouth, not to speak this time, but to take a deep breath. He had forgotten to breathe again.
He wondered who the girl was talking about.
It must be someone special if he was willing to come all this way to bring them gifts.
“You forgot, didn’t you?”
The voice was different this time. It wasn’t the same voice the young girl spoke with. In fact, her mouth had stayed closed. She wasn’t entirely looking at him either, her eyes had wandered past him. Was someone else home with them? He thought they had been left home alone.
They would never have been left home alone. Why did he think that?
Tsukasa looked over his shoulder. Nobody was there.
When he turned back around only moments later, the girl was gone. The stuffed dog sat where she had been standing, the rest of her room completely untouched. A slight tinge of worry gnawed at Tsukasa’s stomach.
He backed out of the room, opening his mouth to call her name, which was to no avail. One foot in front of the other, he quietly padded down further into the hallway, peeking his head into adjacent rooms. The corridor went longer than he anticipated, finding nothing but unoccupied room after unoccupied room.
Was he looking for someone?
He couldn’t remember.
His feeling of unease dissipated the further he walked, finding comfort in the continuous halls. It was routine. He didn’t know what was making him so worried in the first place, unable to recall why he had been so troubled previously. His footsteps landed soft on the endless dark carpet, carrying him into the blackened depths.
Gradually, the strong scent of iron flooded his nose.
Instead of fear, he was met with longing.
Tsukasa was drawn to it.
The hallway ended in front of a doorway, an expansive room stretching out in front of him. His eyes immediately settled on the bright red liquid pooling across the floor. It glistened beautifully in the window’s light, returning to fill Tsukasa with a feeling of warmth as a darkness bled through the edges. He stepped forward, without a care of the blood soaking his socks.
The source of the carnage lay before him. His golden hair was flecked with specks of blood, messy and tangled. The sleeves of his white button-up had been rolled up, revealing toned arms underneath the blood. The shine in his sunset eyes were gone.
It was himself.
Back propped against the wall, he smiled back up at himself. Tsukasa crouched down, curious, and his doppleganger’s eyes followed him.
He couldn’t tell where exactly the blood was coming from, or if it was his own at all. He seemed to be bathed in it, blood pooling a beautiful waterfall from the elbows down. He was taken by surprise when the other him reached forward and took his hand, leaning forward as he pressed their lips together.
Tsukasa blinked, his eyes readjusting to the blinding whiteness of the sunlight against fresh snow. He was back outside.
He pulled back from the kiss and was met with mismatched eyes.
The knight nearly stumbled backwards, but was stopped by a strong grip on his wrist. The sorcerer’s face was flushed, his breathing labored— yet he still wore that captivating smile.
“You’re so fascinating, my dear knight,” he spoke, softly, yet strained. His back was against a dark tree, trapped by Tsukasa’s frame. He gave a sideways glance at the knight’s sword laying in the snow beside them. The blade was covered in blood, and Rui’s heart swooned just knowing that his own was in the mix.
After a few moments of silence, Tsukasa noticed his hand’s placement.
It was warm.
And wet.
Rui tugged on his wrist, pulling his opponent’s hand from the wound it had nestled itself into. He grimaced, letting out a groan of pain as blood splattered into the snow.
Tsukasa’s legs buckled out from underneath him and he dropped to the ground. Rui followed suit, sliding with his back against the bark until he sat in front of him. Feelings of anxiety and fear washed over him and the knight doubled over. He was finding it hard to breathe and he clutched at his chest with his free hand.
What was he doing? He found the sorcerer. He just wanted to talk to him, that was all. Yet, once again, he was stained with his lover’s blood.
“...kasa-kun!”
His head snapped up just in time to be pulled into an embrace. He didn’t remember when he had started crying. The knight pressed his face into Rui, smearing tears onto his collar. His form shook, unable to control the tremors of anxiety that rippled throughout him.
The two sat in the snow without saying anything, save for Tsukasa’s muffled sobs. The sorcerer rubbed comforting circles into his back.
Tsukasa was considered the strongest knight in the kingdom. He took this name with pride, but a sense of guilt bubbled inside of him, knowing that most of his fighting prowess he was unable to recall. Battle after battle, a thick fog clouded his mind, coming to once he was already stained red. His allies would tell him how amazing his abilities were, the way he could slice down any enemy, regardless of size. He was unstoppable. And it scared him.
A curse had been cast upon him years ago. It may have been toward the start of his knight training, but he didn’t quite remember. It made him the perfect soldier. In all honesty, he couldn’t tell how much of his bloodlust was the curse and how much of it was himself. His identity has become mixed and muddled with savagery and fear.
Tsukasa clutched tighter onto Rui’s robe, sniffling against his larger form. He felt a hand come up to his head and begin stroking his tousled hair, working to help calm him down.
It took several minutes for Tsukasa’s sobs to cease. His head rested against Rui’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, his voice hoarse.
Rui gently pulled him back, revealing the knight’s face, cheeks glistening with tears. His eyes were averted. “Tsukasa-kun…” Rui murmured, reaching to take Tsukasa’s hand in his own. “You have nothing to apologize for.” Tsukasa lowered his gaze further.
Rui lifted Tsukasa’s hand, inspecting the blood drying onto his skin. Slowly, he stuck the knight’s pointer finger into his mouth, closing his lips around the digit. Tsukasa immediately snapped his head up, face flushed and eyes wide.
“What are you—” he started, his voice dying in his throat at the feeling of Rui’s tongue swirling around his finger. He sat there in silent disbelief, his heart hammering in his chest. Not once did Rui break eye contact.
He popped his finger from his mouth, saliva now replacing the blood that had once been present. “I’m cleaning your hand,” he purred, making a point to languidly lick a stripe up Tsukasa’s palm, causing the knight to shudder.
“Y-you’re insane.”
Rui giggled in response.
“My dear knight needs to be clean and proper,” he said between sucking at the blood caked around Tsukasa’s fingers.
Tsukasa opened his mouth, trying really hard to make his brain work enough to be able to formulate a reply. “That.. that’s your blood! I stabbed you!” he exclaimed, only guessing the series of events that had preceded by his discarded sword in the snow.
“You’re right,” Rui sighed in false exasperation, “your blood tastes much better than mine, but I must make do.” Every time he spoke, Tsukasa’s face only grew redder. The sorcerer leaned closer. “I don’t mind feeling your blade pierce through me.” His voice was barely above a whisper. Tsukasa was so sure he could kill him with just words alone.
“Y-you’re impossible,” he growled, gently pushing Rui away from him. “Anyway, you should be more worried about using your healing spell on yourself than flirting with me,” Tsukasa advised, a pang of guilt clawing at his conscience. A spot on his robe had become soaked in blood where his sword had sliced into his abdomen. Rui grimaced, leaning back against the tree and releasing his hold on Tsukasa’s wrist. He brought his hand to hover over the area. A red glow encapsulated his hand, stretching over the wound. The sorcerer groaned, gritting his teeth and digging his other hand into the snow to ground himself. Tsukasa looked away, ashamed, knowing that the pain he had to endure from the healing spell was his own fault. “I’m sorry.” A wave of exhaustion and regret washed over him.
Rui looked back up at him. The knight looked so small, his arms wrapped around himself and head downturned. “I already said you don’t need to be sorry,” he assured, softly.
Tsukasa shook his head, clutching his arms closer. “I’m afraid, Rui. I don’t know how much of this is really just me,” he choked. It would be too easy to blame all of his actions on the curse. The brain fog, lapses in memory, and disorientation were all symptoms of his curse, but he feared the unrelenting bloodlust and violence all stemmed from himself. “Maybe it’s just me that’s fucked up,” he whimpered.
“Tsukasa-kun.”
He looked up, tears threatening to fall again. Rui had halted his spell, his brows furrowed in concern. “I’ll always love you until my dying breath. Your kindness, your bravery, even your curse, they’re all things I love about you,” the sorcerer spoke with a soft smile. He gently placed his hands on the sides of Tsukasa’s face, rubbing his cheeks with his thumbs. “We can solve this, my dear. Just know that for now, there is no room for hate in my heart for you.” Rui leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his lips, pulling back after a few moments. Tsukasa’s eyes had softened a little.
“You’re far too good to me, for an evil sorcerer,” he scoffed, a tinge of playfulness returning to his voice. Rui grinned.
“Like I said, I cherish the scars you give to me. It’s almost like a mark of ownership, if you really think—” Rui’s words were abruptly silenced by Tsukasa’s hand over his mouth. The glare from his eyes was brutal, but the blush across his cheeks told a completely different story.
“P-PLEASE DON’T SAY STUFF LIKE THAT RIGHT NOW!” the knight choked out loudly. Of course Rui would swiftly maneuver an honest heart-to-heart into something like this. He would never be able to let his guard down around him.
The feeling of Rui’s tongue against his palm made him pull away. “EW!” Tsukasa shouted. “Gods, Rui, what is wrong with you?!”
“I’ve already slathered your hand in saliva today with minimal complaints, what now has changed?” he pointed out with a fake pout.
Tsukasa let out a sigh. “Whatever. I don’t have the energy to fight you on this,” he grumbled. He hadn’t fully recovered from his previous episode. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to get up quite yet, disorientation still clouding his senses. “You should finish healing yourself.”
“Always the considerate knight~” Rui mused, continuing back from where he left off with his spell. Sluggishly, Tsukasa scooted so that he was sitting next to him rather than in front. He leaned his back against the tree and gently rested his head on the sorcerer’s shoulder. Staying still in the cold for too long wasn’t a good idea, but Tsukasa wouldn’t mind sitting here for a little while the both of them could recuperate. He also didn’t want to have to leave Rui.
As hard as it was for him to admit, he did love Rui. He loved him a lot.
Tsukasa had run off to find him simply to have a talk with him. Battles always brought the worst out of the knight, so he was displeased that his intentions were so roughly thrown off track.
“Hey, Rui?” he said, catching the other man’s attention. “We should go somewhere far together. Not forever, just for a little while.” A long silence followed his proposal, a knot of anxiety forming in his stomach from Rui’s hesitation.
“I’ll have to think about it,” Rui murmured in response. Tsukasa immediately felt regret about his request, it was far too big for him to ask. He knew Rui had his own life and goals, it was selfish of him to even consider the fact that he would put them on hold for Tsukasa.
He stared at the snow. “Look, you don’t have to say yes. That’s fine,” the knight mumbled, fidgeting with his gloves.
“I didn’t say no, Tsukasa-kun.” Rui turned his head to look at him. “You’re tired, we should talk about this another time, okay? At our usual spot, next week,” he suggested before pressing a kiss to Tsukasa’s head. “Let’s just rest a little while longer, my dear.” He removed his hand from his abdomen, shaking it out and stretching his fingers. Tsukasa glanced at the motion from the corner of his eye and softly nodded.
“Okay,” he agreed, closing his eyes to only focus on the sorcerer’s breathing. His sorcerer.