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The Beast Titan is defeated, everyone is safe, they're on their way home and Levi leads the whole thing. He's kept his head up and he maintained his calm demeanor. They've won; after so long, after so much time. They had returned home and he'd been congratulated, hugged, patted, and cried to. He had told of Erwin's death, told of how mightily he rode, how bravely he fought, and he does it all with a level voice. The rest of the Corps were a little saddened, but remain in high spirits because "it's finally over!". Levi had remained distant, listened to the cheering and the relief-filled cries of his subordinates. He accepted everything with a small, carefully crafted smile...
...but then he headed back to headquarters.
He walks past the soldiers embracing in the hallways, past the doors flung wide as the occupants rush out to greet a now-free world. He walks, and walks; reaches Erwin's office, and stops just outside those big, heavy doors. His eyes stare at them, his hands loose at his sides. Taking a deep breath, he opens it and takes careful steps inside. Instantly, his nose is filled with Erwin's scent. He slowly walks past the couch that he usually lounges on, past the stacks of paperwork that outline the big, wooden desk. His eyes trace the edge, fingers following. He takes several deep breaths, filling his nose and his chest and his essence with Erwin's heavy scent.
He looks around the room. He looks at the shelves of books that line the wall and remembers all the times he'd been pushed against them. He looks back at the desk and then at Erwin's chair. He admires the leather with his eyes before reaching out and touching the spot that's worn thin where Erwin's head would rest. He remembers the days spent curled in Erwin's lap as he leaned back to accommodate his mate. His throat stings, but he refuses to touch his face because he knows that he can't cry, yet. Not yet. His shoulders fall, he sighs, and slides, slowly, into the chair. He runs his hands over the armrests and remembers what they feel like against his thighs. He leans back in the chair and closes his eyes, the scent of 'home,' 'safe,' 'mate,' and 'happy' overloading his senses.
Levi takes another deep breath and his hands grip the arms of the chair before he feels the first tear start to form. He grips the leather hard, his nails digging in deep. His eyes begin to sting from the salt of his tears, he's dehydrated from several days with little water. He holds it back, opens his eyes and stares down at Erwin's desk. Not yet. He breathes so deeply; becomes aware of each breath and tries to commit every smell to memory. His body aches everywhere, from both the battle and the absence of Erwin. His body knows that it's mate is gone, his mating bite burns and itches and his stomach is turning because they know that he's gone, that he'll not be holding him anymore. He's been fighting the breakdown, fighting his own biology. He hurts, his chest aches, but he can't, yet.
His fingers hurt, but he can't make them let go. His feet barely scrape the floor, but he can't bring himself to be bothered by it. He wants to scream and growl, he wants to lose control and trash everything. His teeth grit together as he closes his eyes, squeezing back the water that threatens to fall. His breath stutters and his heart hurts and suddenly he can't take it anymore.
The first tear slides down his face and he doesn't even register it because he's looking through blurry eyes as his hands finally come away from the chair and grasp the paper on Erwin's desk.
He hadn't been sure, was terrified that he might be right. At first, he intended to do away with it; he's a soldier, he couldn't. He'd told Erwin, who had changed his mind. Dammit, he wished he hadn't changed his mind...
With his nose full of Erwin's scent, body aching, his eyes no longer fighting back water, and his breath coming in gasps, he whispers harshly to himself.
"P-pregnant, Erwin, I'm fucking pregnant..."