Work Text:
Your tongue is bloated. You must have bitten it in your sleep. You are thirsty.
You woke up. You didn't feel rested. Your dreams were plagued with nightmares. You dreamed of white void. It was everywhere. It was everything. White. White. Snow. You only slept a couple hours. You thought of Kris.
You check underneath your bed. No one is there. You allow yourself a sigh of relief. You thought of Kris.
You check your desk and look through your collection of Christmas pencils. Which will you take?
(I guess I'll take my candy cane pencil? I don't know why I would…)
Candy cane pencil
>Red and green pencil
You took the red and green pencil.
(That's… fine. I guess.)
You check your closet. Tattered wings hung limp in the dark. You will not wear them again. You thought of Kris.
You check on your plant, Krismas.
(Wasn't it Tsuntsun?)
Krismas is doing just fine.
You take out your CELL and call Kris.
Brrrrring!
You hear light breathing through the receiver.
(Kris? Hello? I don't know why I called you. I'm sorry. I haven't been feeling—)
You hung up.
You check your equipment. The ThornRing cuts deep into your finger. Even though you feel numb, even though your mind drifts through a haze, you still feel a sharp pain where it pierces you. You didn't take it off. You didn't take it off. It won't come off.
You thought of Kris. Your breath quickens. Your tongue doesn't feel right. Your SOUL writhes. Your teeth feel crooked in your mouth. Your eyes began to gloss over, and you began to go blind.
(I need to leave…!)
You left your room.
You look at Dess' door. No reason to enter. You go upstairs. You check the SOUL shaped pillows your mother had collected. You thought of Kris. You check your mother's door. Still locked.
(… What am I doing…?)
You went downstairs. You check the fridge. It is lined with bottled water. You take one and place it in your ITEMS. You check your items. You USE the water. You drink it.
(I can't…drink all of this… at once!)
You drink and you drink. You don't give yourself a chance to breathe. The icy chill burns your throat. Your tongue is still parched. You don't stop until you're finished. Ice runs through your veins. Your throat contracts. Tears form around your eyes as you try to breathe through your nose. You begin to drown. Still not done. The water enters your lungs. It's spilling down your throat, spilling onto the carpet. You can't breathe.
You think of Kris.
As you finish the bottle, you fall to your knees, gasping for air. You should have just drank it instead of making a mess of yourself.
You sputter and hack and you cough. You can't get up.
But you will.
Your CELL rings. It's Mom.
(I really don't want to talk to her right now, I don't even know if I can talk to her…!)
You answer.
"Hello, Noelle," your mother says. "I apologize for leaving in such a hurry before. You appeared to be studying with Kris, and that… other one… must have sneaked in unbeknownst to you. It seems I may have lost my temper when you were simply trying to improve yourself."
(Mom. Can you please come home again? Something isn't right. I'm not right.)
She can't hear you.
"I wanted to call you and say I'm quite proud of you for diligence. Kris has finally been changing for the better and it looks like it may even start rubbing off on you, too. Are you still there? Answer."
(Mom, I don't feel good.)
Mom, I don't feel good.
>Yes. I'm here.
You tell your mother you are here.
"Good girl," she says. "Now, this all leads to another question I've had for you. The festival is tomorrow, is it not? Do you have someone you want to go with?"
Susie
>Kris
Berdly
No one
(Susie. Susie! I want to go with SUSIE. Even if Mom doesn't like it.)
You tell your mother you would really like to go with Kris tomorrow! You give a cute giggle.
(No, no, no!! I didn't SAY that! But it came out of my mouth! I don't understand!)
"Ah. A wonderful choice, Noelle. I'm proud of you for finally seeing reason, much like Kris. I must get back to work now, but I will see you at our usual time."
(… … …)
She hung up.
(I'm just… trying to impress Mom. That's all. I've been really stressed. Berdly is still sick. Berdly hasn't gotten better yet. It's all so hard to deal with.)
Berdly won't get better.
(That's not… I… I'm just having another bad day. I could still go with Susie tomorrow. It'd just be a little lie to Mom. It wouldn't be the first time.)
You remember your time alone with Kris. You remember the pure ecstasy you felt as they placed the ring back into your finger. You remember how their gaze paralyzed you with so many emotions. You remember your soul POUNDING and POUNDING until—suddenly—nothing. It stopped. Everything. Stopped. Your heart was gone.
Wasn't it wonderful, Noelle.
(… … …)
You struggle to breathe again. Your mind is a tempest.
(I need to get out. I need to find someone.)
You leave your home. You try to look for anybody Kris. You go up the street. To Kris' home. You knock on the door. Nobody is home.
(I'm not… usually this forward.)
You leave and check down the street. You knock on Catty's door. Scratches and commotions play out comically before the door opens to reveal Catty.
"Oh. Em. Gee. Heyyyyy, Elly!! What are you doing here?? It's been, like, FOREVER since you showed up at my door! Like, I don't even know if you EVER have! That's so weird! Hahaha! But that's okay! Girl! So, like, what's up???"
>Help
Kris
Nothing
Catty blinks. "Help with WHAT, girl? Your homework? Like LOL I am the LAST person you should be asking!!! Oh my GOD, except I guess, that weird green girl living next door. Hahahaha!!"
>Help
Catty tilts her head. "Oh! Do you want to help ME with something, Elly?? That's so sweet of you!! I don't, like, think I haaaaaave anything for you to, like, do, but I really appreciate it! Is there…" She pauses, uncharacteristically, raising an eyebrow. "Is there something else, Elly?" Worry starts to bubble in her voice.
>Kris
"OHHH! THAT'S what you want help with?!" Catty laughs and whatever unease you sensed seems to vanish. "I get it, girl, I get it!! You're looking for Krissy!" She waggles her eyebrows. "It's because of the festival tomorrow, isn't it, girl?? That's why you're so, like, nervous and shaking so much!! I GET it now!"
(That's not… that's not what I'm trying to say! Why can't I… why won't the words come out right?)
"Soooooo, cute! I, like, ALWAYS knew you two would get together at SOME point!" She waves a paw, trying to settle herself. This is serious. To her. In the wrong right way. "So, okay, like… last I saw of Krissy they were leaving from their home and going towards the church! That funny purple girl was with them. Like, uhhh, Susie…?"
(Susie's still with Kris?! This could work out…!)
"Oh my god, you're like, BLUSHING already? Elly, you are SOOOOOOOO cute!!! But, hey, don't let me get in the way of your LOOOVE!" She makes a kissy face. You feel a deep disgust growing in the pit of your stomach. "Go get 'em, gurl! Tell Krissy how you REALLY feel!"
You leave.
(Maybe if I go to Bratty's house, I can…)
You walk past Bratty's home. There's no one there. There's nothing for you over there. You go past the diner. You think, it would be a nice place to take Susie Kris. But right now, there is no reason. Kris is not there.
You near the hospital. You remember your father. He is there. Sick. Like Berdly. Just like Berdly.
Berdly will not get better.
(What are these… awful awful thoughts I'm having?)
You have always thought this. You have always known it. Deep down. You know. He will not get better.
You go to find—
(NO! I'm going to see Dad! I'm going to see Dad!)
You leave to find Kri—
(I won't! I won't! I need to see Dad!)
He does not have much time left.
You accept this. You remember his warm smile, his cheerful laugh. When December vanished, he became everything to you. He is all you have left. Your heart swells. You remember him so very fondly.
And you will learn to keep his memory close. When you have nothing. When you are nothing.
Because you have Kris now. You do not need your father now.
You come to terms. It is better this way. To ease the pain, you. Find. Kris.
(This isn't … me… I… am I… is this me?)
Your legs take you down towards the church. Past city hall, where your mother is working tirelessly. For you. It lurches into view, the building's backside dark. Twisted. It isn't right. How it shouldn't be. But none of that matters. Your heart stops. Your skin goes cold. You cannot breathe.
It's Kris. They stand with the setting sun blazing at their back, a fiery orange erupting like a cataclysmic explosion. Their shadow is elongated, its fingers reaching toward you in the darkness, prickling and feeling inside your shadow. Even as storm clouds begin to gather in the sky, even as the ceaseless sun degrades and collapses into itself, into nothing but darkness behind them, you still feel their shadow, wriggling inside you.
For it is Kris. They have taken your heart. They have taken your pounding heart away from you. They have stolen your breath. They have taken your tongue. They have taken your fur. They have taken your skin. You give all this willingly, of course, to Kris. But not yet. Not yet.
Kris stares. You feel their love for you seething in their eyes. You feel their soul cry out to you, weeping. Every. Single. Inch. Of their body, wants to take. You. Their love for you burns. It sets them ablaze. It melts their skin, it chars your flesh, it will consume you. Just like. Them.
And yet. They do not move to you. They do not move to embrace you, they do not take you in their cold hands, burning with pure LOVE for you. They do not wring every last drop of yourself out for them.
So, you. Move. Closer.
So, you
PROCEED.
They are before you now. So very close. You smell the LOVE on their breath. It is sickly sweet, nauseatingly so. Their nose crinkles in a disgusting display of affection for you. The edges of their lips defy gravity. At the sight of you. They shake. They shudder in anticipation. Something beautiful blossoms in their throat. They prepare to speak.
"Noelle!" Susie calls out to you. "Noelle, hey!! Kris and I were just talking about you."
Kris' fingers curl just at the mention. Goosebumps skitter across their body.
"We're pretty busy," Susie says. But you do not look at her. You do not think about her. How could you? When Kris is here. "But I wanted to ask you something before we go."
(Susie! Susie!!! Please!! Can you hear me? Can ANYONE hear me?)
Kris flinches.
(Kris…?)
They flinch in pain.
(Can you actually hear me…?)
You are hurting them.
(Is that true, Kris? Am I hurting you?)
Kris' arm trembles. They cannot respond. They are in so much pain.
"Noelle? Hey, are you listening?" Susie asks, pulling you away from these inane thoughts. You allow yourself to hear her, for now. Just so you will stop hurting Kris.
Help me, Susie
>I can hear you.
"Huh. Geez. You've been acting kinda weird lately," Susie says. Kris glares at her. You can't find it in yourself to glare at Susie. But you will. "Anyways, uh, there's just… I've had something on my mind. I know this might sound kind of sudden. I know we haven't even gotten to spend much time together. But, like, heh… I was just wondering, and, like, totally okay if you're not feeling it…"
(No. No, she isn't. She isn't going to ask what I think she is. She can't. Not now. Not now. Please.)
She will.
Susie's cheeks turn a shade of pink that makes your soul STOP. If it hadn't already stopped. "I just—what I'm trying to say is, uh, are you busy? Tomorrow? On the day of the festival? And, if you're not, would you want to go with, uh, …" She smiles sheepishly. You feel NOTHING. "Me? Would you like to go to the festival with me?"
(Please. Just listen to me. This once. Whoever is there. Whatever is there.)
I want to go with you, Susie
(PLEASE.)
I want to go with you, Susie
(Kris! Please! I know you can hear me! Please, make this stop! Please tell Susie!)
I want to go with you, Susie
>I am already going with Kris
(No, no, no, NO! I won't say that! I WON'T SAY THAT! I WILL NOT SAY THAT!)
You tell Susie you are already going with Kris.
Susie's eyes grow wide with shock. You feel her heart break. You know it is broken. You know what it feels like to be broken. But there is nothing you can do. It must be this way.
"O-oh," Susie says, voice quiet. "Uh." She tries to hide her eyes behind her hair. But you see through. "Yeah, I mean. That makes sense. You and Kris have known each other so long and… like… yeah, you guys have been spending a lot of time together, so…"
(I haven't wanted to! I didn't want to! Something is making me! Something! I don't understand what! Susie…! Kris, please…! Tell her…!)
Kris cannot. Their lips are sealed. Their lips are meant for you. Your lips are meant for them.
"Noelle, hey…" Susie says, even through the hurt you have caused her. "Are you… okay? You're so… cold… and… quiet."
I am not okay
>I'm fine.
(I can't… I can't do anything. I can't seem to stop any of this. This is a nightmare. I've been in a nightmare since Kris found me in that strange world. It won't end. Even when Kris took the ring off of me that night, even then, I still felt this thing pulling at me. Telling me what to do. Pushing me towards Kris. I should have realized it sooner. I didn't stop it. I wouldn't stop it.)
You couldn't stop it.
You tell Susie you're fine.
"Uh… sure, w-whatever you say?" Susie took a step back as Kris took a step forward. "H-hey, man, what's with that intense death glare? Are you pissed at me for asking? I didn't know, dude!"
"..sh..e… i..s…M..I…N…E…" Kris hisses through gritted teeth. They pierce their own skin, blood dripping down their lower lip.
(They're trying not to say it… Kris are you also being controlled…?)
"Back off, dude! I don't know what the hell's gotten into you, but chill! I'm not going near her, all right?" Susie's hackles rise. She will defend herself. You will not win.
(Huh? Me? But I'm not…)
KRIS takes a step closer to Susie. Something is shining at their back, in their trembling hand. They intend to lunge at Susie. It is a battle that you both know you will LOSE.
You. Must. Stop them.
(Is Kris… going to attack Susie?! No, no, no, this can't be right…!)
You steal a glance at Kris. Even as they approach Susie, they look at you, into you. They are begging for your help, can't you see? Susie will KILL them. Susie will END them. And then you.
And then you.
You will be. Nothing.
Stop. Them. NOW.
(Susie wouldn't hurt me…!)
SHE WILL KILL KRIS.
(She won't!)
KRIS WILL MAKE SURE SHE WILL.
(What…? That doesn't…!)
THEY WILL DIE TO FREE YOU.
(No, no, this isn't… this can't be… What part of this is Kris? What part of this is me? It must be lying! Susie would never kill Kris, no matter what, even if Kris tried…! What do I do…?)
>Stop Kris
Let it happen, Noelle
For both of us
(I can't let Kris get hurt. I can't. I can't… I… … …)
Kris begins to pounce, but you are faster. You take their trembling hands into yours. You feel Kris' grip weaken against you. The knife falls into the tall grass. Susie does not see the knife. But you are not done. Kris is still trying, the fool. They struggle against your grip. But you. Have. Grown. Strong.
You take them into your mouth. Their lips are dry, yet slick with blood and copper. They try to resist. You feel their gasps, their groans, their pain. But you kiss them still. In your mouth you hear the words, "…Susie… stop… me…" hide into your throat. Only you will hear. It is the only thing they will find the strength to say.
Because. They kiss you back. Even as they try to bite their own tongue, even as blood fills their mouth, even as you freeze their insides, even as you still their POUNDING heart, they kiss you back.
And. It is wonderful. Their blood is warm. You drink it, hungrily. A new sensation. That absolute zero, your frostbitten soul, for but a moment, thaws with their strength. It steams, it burns, it hurts, but you do not expel them. You swallow this part of Kris, accept it, keeping it away from the world. For yourself.
And as you kiss, you feel tears streaming down your cheeks. Because you have never felt this happy. And Kris, oh Kris, how they tremble in your grip with happiness. How they squirm and plead and cry out in pure bliss. They hold you, tightly, so very very TIGHTLY. You cannot feel where they grab you. They cut off your circulation. Their fingers turn blue. They love you so much that their nails dig into your fur, bite into your flesh, claw at your insides.
"What the hell… is going… on…?" Susie mutters, stepping back. She sees it all. She will know you are theirs.
And, oh, what joy! What blinding joy you feel, Noelle! Your thoughts have finally been silenced, haven't they? You are growing so very NUMB. Yes, this part of Kris that now sloshes inside your belly will keep the pain at bay, will keep your thoughts away. If you could keep crying, you surely would. Oh, such relief!
You decide it's best to leave. You feel bile rising in your throat. You don't want to embarrass yourself in front of Susie Kris. You don't want to lose Kris' blood. That is all you have.
Kris, oh sweet Kris, they appear to tug at your hands, at your clothes, but only one trembling hand is all they can muster. It must hurt them so very much to see you go.
But you tell them your mother will come home soon. You tell them, your mother might see all this happening. Wouldn't that be strange? Susie would just get in more trouble. Nobody wants that, right? You tell Kris. You will be waiting for them. Tomorrow.
Susie says something. It is unimportant. "I'll find a way…" It is unimportant. She is too late.
And you leave. With the blood still fresh against your tongue, you begin to fade once more into sweet white snow. You somehow know that Kris had taken their knife again, but Susie did not see. You are drifting back, under the ice, freezing, numb, as the endless abyss cradles you into its embrace.
Maybe tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow you will have better control over yourself. Maybe tomorrow, there will still be this snowstorm of white that blinds you, that numbs you to everything. Maybe tomorrow, Kris will feel like you as well.
Won't that be nice?
Make sure to thank them for all they've done for you. Make sure to lock yourself up tight in your room and show gratitude to Kris for accepting you to be their date for tomorrow. Make sure you thank them until the darkness comes and kills the white. Make sure you thank them for picking you, for loving you.
Make sure.
And now. All you must do. Is.
Wait.