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The ship's interior was cool and dark, veil of shadows stretching long claws across an unfamiliar floor. Silence filled most of the space apart from the ticking of a nearby clock, dim blue numbers unable to combat the darkness crowded around it. Beyond large glass windows, distant stars twinkled back at him. Their lights were certainly millions of lightyears old, scattered to the cosmic winds and taken in by those lucky enough to witness the remnants of their glory. Each speckle of brilliance was admired in monotone quiet.
Mydei did not show it, but he was still thoroughly impressed. When he had agreed to accompany Phainon in the stars, he hadn't expected to be overwhelmed by the sheer scale of it. Conversations with Dan Heng and Caelus of their adventures beyond Amphoreus were informative but they would always be but an infinitesimal sliver. Everyone's experiences would be, with a universe as astronomical as their own. No one, even those cursed to live forever, would ever be able to visit every place imaginable within.
He traced the ropes of stardust tied to distant worlds. Mydei imagined what might be found at the other end, which road it formed, if it branched anywhere along the way. He wondered if a certain professor would've clamored for his spot in that windowsill, speculating of all the discoveries they were certain to make.
Mydei thought him a far more worthy candidate as well, yet they had still voted for him to accompany Phainon upon his mission. He was the best decision, in retrospect. He was no longer the Crowned Prince. He had no home to return to. So to the stars Mydei fled, mirroring Phainon's steps to ascension but not partaking of his labors.
Brilliant, radiant Phainon. He who matched the sun's glory and grasped his fate. He who bathed in its ambrosia and now bore the burden of Worldbearing. Fury and grace and terrifying prowess, seated next to him staring with wide-eyed admiration at the distant stars—just a few shades more blonde than before.
"Do you think we should return home with souvenirs?"
Phainon's soft voice eased him from his thoughts. Mydei's eyes slid to the side, observing the wonder etched into every line of his face. It reminded him of when the Flame-Chase Journey became. Phainon had the disposition of a puppy back then too, his competitive spirit and Mydei's own inability to admit defeat resulting in plenty of blows exchanged; he missed those sometimes. A thought internalized and never spoken.
"The triplets will be extremely disappointed if you don't," he replied, propping his chin against curled fingers. "Choosing only a single item will be more complicated than teaching you how to operate the airlock."
"It was one time!" Phainon exclaimed. "Besides, you aren't much better." He leaned into Mydei's space, slinging an arm over the latter's knee. The warmth of his body sunk deep enough to tickle his bones. "This whole 'space ship' thing is so new."
Mydei hummed in agreement. "To think, we were battling the Black Tide only a few weeks ago. Now we're travelers amongst the stars."
Phainon laughed softly. "A world reborn without a need for those with power to prevent it from crumbling … Era Nova is truly a glorious gift." The last words were almost spat, a strange bite accompanying them. Perhaps Phainon was merely recalling the pain that led up to their rebirth and the price of the wish he had made. It would always be a heavy burden to carry, the title of Worldbearing, and all the hardships tacked onto it; Mydei would never fault him for that.
Still, his gaze instinctively fixated upon him. He studied the golden heir with wordless contemplation. Mydei ran through a list of questions, yet could not think of one sensitive enough. The mood now somber, Mydei slowly raised his free hand and slid it against Phainon's arm. His head turned, eyes meeting amid the room's dark embrace. It was a wordless gesture but Phainon accepted it with haste, giving his hand a tight squeeze.
"I can lend an ear." It wasn't a question. It wasn't pressure. It was merely a neutral offer, planted gently in the free space between them. If Phainon chose to grasp and reel it in, Mydei would listen. Silently, he hoped he did, if only long enough for Mydei to ease the weight of the world shackled to every step.
Phainon was silent for a long time afterwards. Mydei followed his lead, their unease gradually dissipating as they studied the space constantly moving beyond their window. The glass was beginning to fog up on Phainon's side, the heat of his breath gradually obscuring that which twinkled beyond.
The clock continued ticking. Mydei glanced at it. The blue interface showcased an early morning hour, but the sun never rose in space.
After a length of comfortable silence, Mydei began to stroke the back of Phainon's hands in unspoken solidarity. A grateful squeeze was given in return. When he spoke again, their eyes did not meet, but Mydei could see their glow reflected within the glass. Something unreadable swam within, Phainon's brows lax with exhaustion. An almost melancholic smile stained his lips.
"So much effort goes into a single step," he whispered, tone accentuated by fear. "Every movement feels unbearably heavy. I no longer require breath, or food, or sleep, but I cannot quell my humanity." He slumped to his left side, forcing Mydei's legs to straighten into a makeshift pillow. Phainon rested his head against his thigh, propped at an angle that allowed him to still indulge in the sight of the stars.
Mydei rearranged himself a bit to accommodate for the new position. His fingers dipped into the soft strands of Phainon's hair, stroking at his scalp in what he hoped was able to abate the worries in his mind. "That is what makes you kind."
"I don't feel kind," Phainon replied, hand covering the bulk of Mydei's knee. "I feel … empty. Unsympathetic. As if all that made me Phainon was stripped away."
He remained quiet though his teeth itched to bite back, to argue—Mydei had given him the stage, and he dearly hoped Phainon would remain there.
"I am going through the motions of living but … I don't feel alive." Phainon's voice trembled, fingertips twisting into the fabric of Mydei's pants. "I want to believe it was worth it so desperately. I want to believe that losing everything for this actually meant something."
Mydei's eyes widened and his hand went still. "You don't believe ushering in the new world, giving everyone a chance at something new, is worth it?" He could not hold back the indignation in his tone, nor the surprise contorting his expression. "Our efforts bore the dawn of a new era, free of the Black Tide, free of suffering and baseless wars. You think none of that was worth it?"
Phainon did not meet his gaze. He continued to stare out at the passing stars, the almost serene smile creating a disconnect between the harsh reality of his words. Instead of replying to Mydei, he raised a hand and cupped the side of his cheek. Yet, those golden eyes were not trained upon him. They were almost empty, cutting right through him as if Mydei wasn't real at all. Then, he laughed, returning to the ever-shifting landscape of stardust above.
"Count on the great Mydeimos to challenge even the sun's brilliance," he said, thumbing Mydei's cheekbone. "Strange, how the emptiness inside of me seems to recede whenever I am with you."
Mydei's expression remained harsh. "Don't change the subject now, Deliverer."
"Do you not love me?" Phainon asked, flat and empty.
"I have always loved you, HKS," Mydei barked. "As such, I never want to hear you refer to the efforts of our Flame-Chase Journey as wasted effort ever again."
Here, Phainon tipped his head back and laughed. Eyes shut, mouth wide, entire body trembling from head to toe in raucous, unhindered laughter.
"What's so funny?" He asked suspiciously.
The other man did not reply, laughter still spilling out of him. It twinkled golden in the ship's shadowy embrace, lighting up the room. His warmth swelled brighter, aided by the strange joy Mydei had evoked from him; a beautiful display of Phainon's inner workings.
Eventually, Mydei's expression softened, and a smile bloomed across his face. He joined Phainon in laughing, and the sound of their joint euphoria painted a wonderland of paradise.
As the laughter died down, Phainon touched his face once more. Mydei bit his tongue to stifle any further noise and temporarily lost himself within those golden depths. He was a beautiful man, no matter what form he molded himself into.
"Mydeimos … dear Mydeimos. The galaxy yearns for war, and I am once again placed as the prime piece," Phainon murmured softly. "I fear I may not be strong enough to bear the void for all species."
Mydei hummed, parting the hair plastering Phainon's forehead. He stroked the warm skin with his thumb, fingers scratching in disjointed comfort along his scalp. "You have always been strong enough, Phainon. You were chosen for that very reason."
Phainon contemplated his words for a moment, eyes raking over him as if on the hunt for unseen flaws. "Are you … proud of me? For how everything progressed?"
He let out an amalgamation of noise, somewhere between a snort and a laugh. "The entire world is proud of you," Mydei replied, still combing his fingers through Phainon's hair. His other curled softly around Phainon's limp one at his chest. He raised it to his lips and gave the back of it a light kiss, a gentle reminder of the bond they shared. "But I, above all, will always hold the most reverence for your accomplishments."
"Mm …" Phainon's soft response faded, and they returned to silence for awhile.
Another quick glance at the clock showed an hour had passed. Mydei swiveled back around just in time to watch them pass a planet partially up close. Its surface was purple, obscured by spiraled swirls of snow white clouds. Were there people living there experiencing their own trials? Their own ascensions to worlds beyond their atmosphere? Were their families? Couples? Laws? Great tales spanning thousands of years?
Mydei had never felt so small until setting foot into the cosmos. It was filled with speckles of brilliance, all of them passing in a blink, their names and those who occupied them tangled in their own attempts to touch the skies.
"Mydeimos," Phainon said, tugging gently on his sleeve.
"Yes?" He asked, pausing the wandering in his mind.
"If .. if I were to change, to turn from bearing the world to destroying it … would you be there at my side?" The question was soft, almost drowned beneath the ticking of the clock. "Would you stop me with your own hands?"
Mydei's teeth bared. "Why are you asking this of me?"
"Please, I need to know," Phainon pleaded gently.
He sighed, pinching at his temple. "If something like that were to ever happen, if you ever lost yourself, if you ever forgot you were Phainon, if you ever lost sight of your duty as Deliverer … I would be the one to take back your Coreflame."
A strange sense of peace washed over Phainon's face. He smiled, small and vulnerable, before pushing himself upright. Their faces were close, the scent of Phainon's breath reminding him of the Golden Honeycakes Mydei used to eat back home.
Mydei moved instinctively, their lips pressing together in a chaste kiss. Phainon allowed him to dictate it, holding still as a hand tangled into his hair and held him in place. He kissed him soft and slow, a gentle reminder that their love could not be broken no matter the titles they held. After a time, Mydei pulled Phainon into his lap and wrapped his arms around him. He held the other man tightly, allowing him to relax completely into what he was being given.
When it finally came to a close, Mydei pressed their foreheads together, stealing a bit of Phainon's warmth. Phainon's breath tickled his chin with each pant, blush high in his cheeks and eyes low and heavy. It was not passion staining his features, however, but a strange sense of … sadness.
Phainon smiled, a tear rolling down his cheek. It was swallowed by the heat of his skin, rising in a curl of steam swiftly consumed by the chilly air.
"I want this to last forever," he whispered shakily, cupping Mydei's cheeks. "I want to remain here, forever at your side, exploring the universe until we solve enough problems. I want to visit your library, raise some dromas, and build a garden together. That was all I ever wanted."
"You can have all of that and more," Mydei murmured in return, kissing the space where Phainon's tear dissolved. "There is no one more deserving of it, and I will be there at your side every step of the way, my dear. I promise you that."
Phainon inhaled sharply, before the weight of everything collapsed on top of him. Tears spilled from his eyes, an action once done freely now also stolen from him. Each one disappeared into the ship's air, and some part of him supposed that was fitting; Mydeimos would have punched him for daring to shed tears in the first place.
He blinked once, Mydei's visage growing hazy. When he blinked again, the Crowned Prince of Castrum Kremnos was gone. Phainon was the only one who remained in the shadowy room, engulfed in the swathe of painful silence. The stars still twinkled beyond, an entire universe united by fear and waiting with bated breath. At his side, the Coreflame of Trickery flickered. Its light dimmed before it rushed back towards him, sinking into the open slashes occupying his chest. The weight of bearing the world was a burden unlike any other, and the heavy emptiness that accompanied it was harsh.
Phainon sobbed again, fist smashing into the window so harshly it was a miracle it didn't crack. Somewhere deep inside, Phainon knew the mockery of Mydei would never be capable of mirroring its true counterpart. Its true counterpart would never again walk amongst the living, never share in the promises they had made to one another. He could only conjure falsehoods and lies to comfort the dread growing in the depth of his psyche. From here, it would always Phainon against the world, just another puzzle piece in someone elses' scheme, and the residual traces of the man he had loved and lost.
"You were many things, Mydeimos. You were a warrior, a lover, a king, a god, a survivor until the very end," he cried loudly. "But even in my own mind, you are never good at lying."