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1.
“I like you,” Luke confesses, but the words come out quietly and way too fast, and his tongue feels too big in his mouth. And his heart is beating way too fast in his chest to be considered normal. He waits for Mick’s response impatiently, feeling the familiar heat of embarrassment and humiliation travel up his body every passing second. Maybe he got ahead of himself, maybe it wasn’t the right time to confess. He feels stupid for confessing; he should’ve just kept his feelings to himself.
“Oh! I like you too, P’Luke,” Mick grins. “You’re like one of my best friends, I would hope you’d like me.”
Luke’s face falls. It’s totally not what he meant, but at least it’s not a rejection, but also not a ‘Oh I like you too! Can I be your boyfriend?’
He gives Mick a halfhearted smile. “Right! That’s totally what I meant! You’re my best friend too.”
Every word that comes out his mouth feels like lead in his mouth. Like, sure, he likes Mick as a best friend, but he loves Mick as something more than a best friend. And he was hoping that Mick would understand what he was trying to convey, but it just fell through. He’s not giving up though, he’ll just need to try a little harder. They eat in semi-comfortable silence the rest of the dinner date that Luke tried his hardest to plan. The restaurant was just the right amount of elegance and casual, and he told Mick to dress nicely. It was all so perfect in his head, but it all fell apart the moment he opened his big mouth.
“What was it that you wanted to tell me?” Mick asks, around a mouthful of food. It kind of grosses Luke out, but he also finds it endearing in a way. He smiles softly.
He shakes his head. “It was nothing. Don’t worry about it.”
Mick looks at him quizzically, but shrugs and doesn’t say anything more. Luke sighs to himself, but he lets the moment pass and the atmosphere around them goes back to normal. They banter back and forth, and it’s almost like Luke never confessed his feelings for him. Maybe it’s better this way, to remain as best friends, as phi-nong. There'll be nothing to lose if they remain as such, but there’ll be nothing to gain either if Luke never confesses or if Mick never takes his confessions seriously. He’ll try again, and that’s really all he can do.
2.
“Alright, so I know this is the very first queue and all, and it’s very normal to be nervous and not get it right the first time, but you two,” the director points to Luke and Mick. “Will be kissing in this queue.”
Luke’s eyes go wide with shock. “Kissing?” His voice comes out kind of high-pitched and squeaky. He didn’t think that they would be kissing each other this early into the series. He hasn’t planned for any of this. Luke hears Mick take in a breath, and he feels better that he isn’t the only one shocked at the sudden news.
“Are you guys okay with that? If not, I can try to fit in a different queue,” The director continues.
“I’m okay with it,”Mick says, quickly turning to Luke who’s on his left. “‘I mean if Phi’Luke is okay with it too.”
Luke nods, words caught in his throat. He’s an actor, this is just acting. He can do this, it’s going to be a piece of cake.
—
It was not a piece of cake. Luke didn’t feel like Actor Luke, something he created in his mind when they did workshops and rehearsal and read lines to one another. He’s read these lines a hundred times before to Mick’s face and to himself. If nothing, these lines should’ve rolled off the tongue. But as they're looking at each other, on the actual set; feeling the warm night breeze brush its fingertips through his hair, it all just feels so real.
Maybe through all the workshops and the rehearsals, he must’ve muddled his feelings between Kit and his own. This never happened to him, and it scares him a little. He doesn’t know how to navigate these feelings.
He doesn’t know where his own feelings began and where his character’s stopped. Maybe he isn’t cut out to be an actor. He should’ve turned down the role to play as Kit, but Mick is looking at him a bit expectantly and he realizes that they’re currently rolling, so he needs to get it together and focus.
He feels like he might throw up; his stomach is knots and he can feel his hands are starting to tremble. He moves closer to Mick, he knows his next lines and everything. He’s done this a hundred and one times before. He can recite this lines with his eyes closed.
Mick as Shane opens his mouth to speak, “Okay! I’ll be your boyfriend!” Mick looks at him with a shy smile and he knows those words are meant for Kit. He knows but he can’t help himself. He pretends for a few moments that those lines are for him as Luke and not for Kit.
He can feel himself trying not to break out into a wide toothy grin because Mick is portraying Shane so well. He can’t meet his eyes and there’s a hint of a blush on his face. God, he really likes him. He likes him so much he doesn’t know where to put it half the time. Luke as Kit leans down closer to Mick’s ear, almost like he’s trying to whisper but not quite. “Crystal clear, boyfriend.” The word “boyfriend” leaves a sweet taste in his mouth, but he knows it’s not for Mick. He pretends it is anyways.
He moves back and Mick is looking at him so sweetly and with so much love in his eyes that it makes Luke’s heartbeat quicken. He grabs Mick’s hand and he forgets sometimes how small Mick’s hand is compared to his. Mick says a few lines and Luke does the same, and the part where they’re supposed to kiss quickly approaches and he feels nervous. Like, super nervous. He takes him a moment to lean in and he can feel Mick’s soft breath on his face and it smells like minty toothpaste.
Mick has his lips parted already and every inch that Luke closes in on makes the butterflies in his stomach turn into a bee’s nest. He finally closes the gap and Mick’s lips on his own sends a rush of electricity and fire throughout his entire body. It’s a bit clumsy and awkward, but it’s also good and it feels right somehow.
And that’s the moment Luke knew he was done for.
3.
He paces around the entrance of Mick’s faculty. He feels awkward waiting here, he feels kind of out of place and he feels like people are watching him, but he knows that’s not the case. He’s just all jittery and nervous, and he doesn’t know what to do with himself.
He told Mick he had a surprise, but didn’t tell him any details. He takes out his phone and realizes that he’s been waiting for a while. He hopes that he didn’t get the time wrong. He spots Mick about ten feet away from the entrance, he seems to be talking to one of his classmates. He doesn’t spot Luke right away which is good because now he’s getting extra nervous. He feels stupid and kind of like a doofus with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. It’s a small bouquet, nothing too grand, but still intimate and beautiful. He did ask his mom to help him which he’s very grateful for. He doesn’t even know if Mick even likes flowers, but he wanted to be romantic.
Mick seems to spot him because he hears his name being called and there’s Mick with a wide smile on his face, and he’s almost running to greet him.
“P’Luke! What are you doing here?” He sounds a little out of breath, and his face is bit flushed, but there’s a soft grin on his lips.
“I wanted to surprise you,” Luke grins. “Surprise!” He holds out the flowers in front Mick, waiting for him to take the flowers from his hands. Mick looks at him and down to the flowers, and the back up at Luke. There’s a confused expression on his face, but Mick takes the flowers nonetheless, and he leans down and inhales the earthy scent of the flowers. It makes Luke gleam inside. His insides feel all weird and good, and he can’t help the smile from blossoming on his face.
“What are these for?” Mick asks, a soft confused expression on his face.
“Oh! Just because I wanted to - to” he’s stammering over his words. And the confused expression seems to grow deeper on Mick’s forehead.
He was going to wait later, to tell Mick his feelings. Every time that they spend together it seems like the love he feels for him seems to grow stronger. Never settling. Always growing. He feels it every time Mick looks at him, every time they try new things together, when they laugh together, when they just sit in comfortable silence. It feels so strong sometimes that he can’t stand it.
“I - I…” the words get stuck in his throat. He wasn’t even that nervous when he confessed to him the first time, but there’s something different this second time around. Maybe it has to do with how the sunlight falls perfectly on his face, highlighting the color of his tanned skin, how his brown eyes seem to grow lighter, and how his face seems softer. For a moment, Luke feels like it’s just them too.
“I like you,” he says, soft and low, and a little too quiet.
There’s a beat.
Mick opens and closes his mouth. Luke doesn’t dare open his. He feels like if he speaks too soon, something might go wrong.
Mick opens his mouth again, clearly searching for the right words but what comes out of his mouth has Luke thrown for a loop. “Woah, for a second I thought you were being serious. This would seriously work on someone though.”
Luke’s face falls. He can’t believe it. This is the second time that he’s confessed and Mick still didn’t get it. Luke can’t believe this is life right now.
He cracks a smile and laughs awkwardly, it sounds too forced. “No! This is a - I was just joking! I was actually using you for practice when I do…confess to someone.”
The lie comes out smoother than he expected and Mick seems to believe him. He internally face palms because there’s no way Mick can be this dense.
“Oh good! For a second there, Phi, I really thought you were confessing your feelings to me and I got nervous,” Mick chuckles lightly. And those words send a pang right to his heart. He doesn’t think Mick will ever get that he’s being serious, but maybe he’s not being straightforward enough? Or maybe it’s because they’ve been friends for so long that Mick thinks it’s a joke.
He doesn’t know what to do and it’s driving him crazy. He’s not going to give up though! If it takes him a million and one ways to get his point across Mick’s lovely brain then so be it.
4.
He calls up Chokun one day and asks for advice on how to confess to Mick. Not a lot of people know about his not so little crush on Mick, but Chokun happens to be an exception.
“I need help,” he says over the phone.
“Uh-huh, what do you need help with P’Luke?”
He sighs. “I need help with confessing my feelings to Mick.”
There’s a pause and then Chokun speaks again,“Dude. You do know who you’re asking right?”
“Of course I do, that’s why I called you. And also because you’re like one of two people that know that I like Mick. As more than a friend.”
Chokun clicks his tongue. “Huh. Okay. Wait, I thought you already confessed to him or something like weeks ago?”
Luke runs a hand through his hair and huffs. “I did! But he thought I was joking! Not only once, but both times!”
He hears Chokun let out a laugh at his expense. “You mean to tell me, that you told Mick that you liked him, not once? but twice, and he thought you were joking both times?”
“Yes,” Luke says flatly. “It’s so funny.”
“It’s hilarious actually,” Chokun laughs.
“Nong Chokun you gotta help me dude. I’m out of ideas and options!” Luke says, exasperated. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if Mick doesn’t get it this time around. But as the saying goes: third time’s the charm. And he sure hope it is.
—
The plan was supposed to be foolproof. It was supposed to go without a hitch. They planned it down to the exact minute. (That was mainly Aston’s doing, but Luke is grateful). So he doesn't know exactly where something went wrong. It could've been the infamous Bangkok traffic, or when he woke up ten minutes later than scheduled, or maybe when Mick's filming for Mu-Te-Luv went overtime. It could've been a number of things. But he was determined to confess to him (for the third time) whether the universe had other plans. He sees Mick walk up to him and there seems to be frown on his face, like something is bothering him. Aston and Chokun thought it would be good if they had a moonlight picnic at a park. He might be a bit of a romantic, but even things like this seem out of place for him. But he went along with it and he just hopes that Mick sees his efforts.
He watches Mick as he looks around at the picnic before him. There's fruit and handcrafted bento boxes with Mick's favorite foods, and there's candles (the electric kind, he didn't want to start a fire) and a bouquet of roses. He hides the love letter behind his back, fidgetinging. He was going to hand Mick the love letter as soon as he walked up to him, but judging by Mick's slightly tired and upset face, he doesn't think that would be appropriate.
Mick meets his eyes, "What's all this for?"
Luke clears his throat. "It's for you - us. It's for us."
Something is off about Mick, he doesn't look like his chipper self and he keeps looking down at his phone every so often. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe Luke should just stop trying so hard to show Mick that he likes him.
Mick looks at him strangely. "What do you mean us?"
His tone comes out sharper than he might have intended, but it hurts Luke all the same and he tries to brush it aside.
"I mean - it's like a date, I guess," Luke says, quiet, underneath the moonlight.
Mick's eyes narrow and his brows furrow inward. "Listen. P'Luke, I don't know if this one of your weird pranks again, but I'm really not up to it tonight. I've had a long day and truthfully I would just like to go home and sleep."
Luke purses his lips, feeling dejected and his voice comes out kind of small, "It's not a prank. It's a date, I mean it."
Mick looks at him and his gaze sort of softens for just a second, but then it hardens again in flash. "I don't believe you."
Luke frowns, feeling hurt. "I didn't plan this for shits and giggles nong Mick. I even had help to plan this. I don't - it's not a joke. You have to believe me."
Luke feels like crying a little. This entire plan is falling right through his fingers and he doesn't know what to do stop it, or make Mick believe him more. He's almost everything he can think of and yet, for some weird reason, Mick still can't see that he's being genuine. Maybe this is the universe's way of telling him that he needs to quit.
Mick clenches his jaw and Luke can see tears pricking the corner of eyes. "I don't want to argue with you and I don't want this to become a thing that it isn't. So, I will be leaving now. Have a nice night P'Luke."
As soon as Mick turns away, Luke grabs him by the wrist. Mick turns to face him, looking angier than Luke has ever seen, but he needs to do this. He places the love letter in Mick's hands.
"I don't know what else I need to do for you to understand how I feel about you. So I wrote it all down in this letter," Luke says, voice shaking and quiet.
Mick looks at look at him and down at the letter in his hands, and turns to walk away. Luke stands there for a moment, processing everything that has happened. The night was not supposed to go like this at all. And he feels like it's his fault somehow. He looks at the untouched food and the bouquet of roses and the stupid candles, and the picnic blanket. He lets out a long deep sigh, trying to will away the urge to cry. But it doesn't work because the tears start to fall as he cleans everything up and walks back to his car.
5.
They haven't talked to each other in a few days, which isn't that out of the ordinary, but it makes Luke miss Mick more than he thought it would. Especially over the fight they had, well, you can even call it a fight. He doesn't even know if Mick has read his letter or not. He rolls around in his bed, feeling sorry for himself. His fingers itch to call Mick, but he doesn't. He just looks at the contact name until he can't anymore. He doesn't know if he should reach out to him or if he should give him space. He's tried three different times to confess his feelings for Mick, but they all ended up falling through someway or another. He doesn't understand how Mick can't understand that he's being sincere, that he likes. He likes him so much that he told him three different times. He could honestly curse Mick for it not getting it through his head.
He groans and rolls over once more in his bed. All of this is hurting his head. Maybe he should give up. He should forget that he even confessed to Mick and let his feelings for Mick be kept away in box and to never be unlocked ever again. The universe was giving him all the signs to stop and he ignored every single one of them because he hoped - he hoped that Mick would get it - get him. And he just didn't. And that's what hurts the most - Mick didn't understand that Luke was being sincere and despite all his best efforts, it flew right over his pretty little head.
He should just let it go and move on. There's no sense in ruining a perfectly good friendship all because Mick can't or refuses to understand or even accept Luke's feelings. Whatever. He's over it. His head hurts too much from all the back and forth and back and forth. He's perfectly fine with just being friends. If he can friends with him for 12 years, what's another 12 years?
He gets a text from Mick a couple hours later. It's a simple "can we talk?" text. Luke wastes no time to respond back.
+1
The atmosphere is kind of tense. Both of them don't want to speak, but there's something pressing on both of their minds. Luke feels like he should be the first one to speak, to clear the air between them so it's less tense. But every time he goes to open his mouth, it feels like the words have left his brain and so they sit in uncomfortable silence. Luke takes in his surroundings, the coffee shop by their place of work is always busy, but this time around, it's not. But it's pretty late in the evening and sun is starting to set, and the golden rays of the sun are falling on Mick's right side of his face; illuminating his features. Luke thinks he won't ever get over how cute and handsome Mick is.
"I read your letter," Mick says, filling up the silence.
Luke gives him a look between surprise and embarrassment. It's weird, he knew he wanted Mick to read the letter; that was his intention of writing one, but to hear Mick say it out loud, it makes squirm.
Luke gives him a non committal hum. He isn't sure what he should say. Every time he looks at Mick, his heart squeezes inside of his chest. Tongue heavy with what he wants to say, but he can't seem to say it out loud. He wonders where all that confidence went he confessed to Mick on three separate occasions.
"Do you really like me that way?" Mick asks, voice coming out frail and quiet. It's like Mick couldn't fathom the idea of Luke actually being into him.
Luke swallows and looks away and then looks back at Mick. "Yes." His own voice coming out quiet.
"Are you sure?" Mick asks, uncertainty lacing in his tone.
Luke's eyebrows narrow into a concerned look. "Of course I'm sure, nong. I mean, I didn't always like you this way but I think over time my feelings for you changed and I've been trying to tell you, but you keep letting me down and so I just thought you didn't like me how I like you."
Mick looks up at him and there's this look on his face that's expressing a million different emotions. A silence befalls them. They hold each other's gaze.
"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, P'Luke. I'm sorry for all those times that you confessed your feelings and I didn't take them seriously. I just - I didn't think someone like you would like someone like me," Mick confesses.
Luke frowns. "Why would you think I wouldn't like someone like you? You're my best friend and I love you. There's no one like you."
Mick makes a nose in the back of his throat like he's trying to cover a cough or even a cry, but it comes out mangled. "Do you mean it?"
Luke nods. "Of course I mean it. I like you, nong Mick," Luke says with as much certainty he can muster.
Luke sees the tears pricking Mick eyes and he doesn't know if it's some sadness or something else, but then Mick opens his mouth to speak. "I like you too. I like you so much and I'm so sorry that I ruined the date you had planned the other night. I just - I was too overwhelmed and I didn't think it was real. I just didn't know what to think."
Luke reaches out and grabs Mick's hand in own; offering comfort and support. "There's no need to be sorry. I just - wait, did you say you like me?"
There's a small, shy small on the corner of Mick's lips. "Mm. I like you too."
There's a wide toothy grin on blossoming on Luke's face. "You really like me?"
Mick nods a bit enthusiastically and there's a wide grin on his face. Luke feels his heart squeeze and he wants nothing more to lean over and give Mick a big kiss on the cheeks. But holding Mick's hand will have to suffice.
There's still lots of things they need to go over, but at least they like each other and they know where their feelings stand. It might have taken Luke three times to confess and for all of them to fail, but he wouldn't have done anything differently. In fact, he would do it all over again the exact same way so he can have this soft, quiet confession from Mick.