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This was getting bothersome.
A deep, slow sigh escaped Burning Spice as he rubbed a hand across his face. Trying, and failing, to alleviate the tiredness tugging at his features. At this point the former beast was pretty sure that he had bags under his eyes. He could count himself lucky that his face tattoos helped in hiding them. He didn’t need the others to worry.
The nightmares weren’t leaving him alone.
They didn’t haunt him every night. Small mercies, really. But still frequently enough that he was literally losing sleep over them. Despite his best efforts to get rid of them. Despite Golden Chesse’ and Smoked Cheese's best efforts to comfort him, even though they didn’t fully know what was going on. And he feared it was starting to gnaw at his sanity even in the waking world.
He had tried his best to hide it from them after a while. What was the point of having them worry and spend energy over something like this? But he feared that he couldn’t stray from rousing suspicion much longer, if things continued the way they did.
A soft knock drew Burning Spice from his mullings. The former harbinger let his hand fall from his face, eyes traveling to the source of the sound, just to land on the queen herself.
Golden Cheese stood in the doorway, leaning against it’s frame as she mustered her boyfriend with a soft smile and a raised eyebrow. “I’m sorry, am I interrupting?” the bearer of abundance asked. Burning Spice pulled a grin on to his lips, leaning against the back of his chair in false leisure, one arm trapped across the edge.
“Not at all! What can I do for the beautiful queen of the most grandiose kingdom of all?”
Golden Cheese gave a small snort in response, pushing herself off the doorframe to take a step into the room proper. “Flattery I see. I’ll question if you did something worth reprimanding later. For now, I have a request.”
“Oh?” Burning Spice sat up a bit more, curiosity in his gaze. Though it was quickly dampened when he saw Golden Cheese’ smile dim and her eyes flitt away. She looked…nervous.
“Could you…preene my wings?”
What was left of his grin fell as a cold chill flooded his strawberry jam. He attempted to speak, but the queen already continued on her own.
“I know, I know! Last time didn’t go… great . But Smoked Cheese is busy, and the keratin around my new feathers is starting to itch, and I can't really reach it, which is really annoying…!” There was a certain irritation in her voice towards the end. His queen tended to get huffy about her wings from time to time. It was one of the oh so many indiering things about her that he was fortunate enough to have discovered.
It didn’t make him miss how Golden Cheese’ wings shifted uncomfortably behind her back though, or how her eyes still refused to meet his. One of the little bird's arms had come up to wrap around herself, rubbing her other arm lightly as if to comfort herself. Like a skittish little critter in front of a predator.
“Are you sure this is a good idea, Babybell?” His tone was serious, yet apprehension dripped from it as well. Face drawn into a slight frown he leaned forward in his seat, crossing both arms on his legs. He felt just as on edge as Golden Cheese looked.
“Last time, you said you’d need some time before you could let me touch them again! Are you sure this isn’t too quick, or somethin’?”
“I know what I said!” The retort came immediately, a little huff in Golden Cheeses voice. Her arms crossed over her chest, her wings puffed up slightly. Apparently what he said must have stirred her pride.
It only lasted a second though, before the little dessert bird let out a soft sigh and let her wings relax a bit, her arms uncrossing to rest at her side limply. And for the first time since she stepped into the room, Golden Cheeses eyes meet his.
“I know what I said back then”, she repeated, softer this time, as she stepped closer. And somehow that just put him more on edge.
“I honestly don’t know if I’m fully ready…but I want to be.” The queen of the golden empire stopped right in front of him, her wings glimmering like molten sunlight in the rays that fell through the window.
Looking at them for too long made him nauseous. He tried his best to keep his eyes from straying towards them.
A gentle hand grabbed his own, fingers intertwining as a soft smile tugged at the goddesses lips, despite the lingering worry in her eyes.
“I trust you, Pepper Seed. You know that. And I really, truly want to be able to trust you with this, too. I’m ready enough to try.”
How could he deny her, when she looked at him with such honest affection?
A beast like him hardly deserved this sort of kindness from a goddess like her.
Burning Spices throat was dry as he swallowed thickly and nodded his agreement. “...Alright. If you’re sure. I guess there won’t be any harm in tryin’.”
Golden Cheeses' smile brightened at his words. “Thank you. I’m sure I will be fine, this time” she said, leaning forward as she placed a gentle kiss upon his brow, easing the worried creases there. She let go of his hand after, stepping away to clear a place to rest upon so they could begin, and his fingers immediately mourned the absence of her warmth.
Once she was finished, Golden Cheese took a seat on a turned around chair, arms resting on a pillow placed on the table in front of her, her body leaning slightly on top of it. Her back was turned to him, wings unfurled. He towered over her as he stepped behind her.
Burning Spice hesitated, then he carefully placed his hand onto her back, resting it in the space between her wings. He could feel the little bird tense under his fingertips, feathers raising ever so slightly. So he kept his hand still. Patiently waiting till he felt her muscles relax. It gave him some time to calm his own nerves as well.
“If it gets too much, let me know” Burning Spice voice was hushed, serious. Filled with care he hadn’t thought himself capable of not too long ago.
Golden Cheese breathed a quiet “of course”, and only then did he allow his hand to wander.
Ever so carefully, his fingers traced the outlines of the golden wings laid out before him. From the base to the bend and to their very tip. The way they stretched and relaxed under his touch was fascinating, mesmerizing as the light bounced off their feathers.
Golden Cheeses wings truly were a sight to behold…
And he had nearly destroyed them.
The thought startled him. The realisation, remembrance, feeling like a bucket of ice water.
Taking a breath, the former harbinger shook his head. Ridding himself of those thoughts. Or at least trying to.
He had to focus. Golden Cheese came to him for help, as proof of her trust. He could not let stray thoughts or guilt lead him astray!
Concentrating back on the task at hand, Burning Spice went a step further, his fingers no longer tracing the outlines of the queen's wings, instead brushing lightly over the sensitive feathers. When he raised his gaze a bit, he could see Golden Cheese bury her face in the pillow she was resting on. But she didn't pull away. So he continued.
He let his fingers brush over the feathers at first, before switching to gently combing through them. It was oddly calming. Her feathers were as soft as silk, yet sturdy and resilient all the same.
It didn't take him long to spot what she had come here for.
Nestled between the golden plumage were new pin feathers still partly encased in keratin. Placed close to the base explained why Golden Cheese had had a hard time reaching them on her own.
The mental image of greed personified twisting and turning in an attempt to reach the afronting plumage was funny enough to draw a smirk onto Burning Spice's face.
Oh well, this should be easy enough to deal with for him. Things had gone rather smoothly so far after all. And the quicker he took care of this, the sooner his queen would be able to stretch her wings comfortably again.
Gently holding the surrounding feathers back with one hand, Burning Spice carefully reached for the first of the pin feathers. A big one, that no doubt would give a beautiful secondary, once freed from her confinement. His thumb and forefinger closed around the soft shell of white keratin.
Smoked Cheese had told him once that it didn't take much to free a feather from it’s shell. Just light pressure and a gentle rub-
The shell crumbled to dust under his grip. It barely took any force to break them.
Burning Spices breath hitched.
There was jem coating his hands. Feathers littering the floor. Tickling the back of his throat.
He stumbled back, hands pulling away from the wings in front of him, as if he had been burned.
He gagged as the feeling in his throat didn't subside immediately, half expecting feathers to drop from his mouth. In his panic he didn't truly register that there weren't any.
He could still feel the tear, the strain and pop as he pulled at them. Ripped them apart like it was nothing.
There was screaming in his ears. Or maybe someone was calling his name…
His hands came up to cover his ears. To muffle the shouting.
Her screaming. Wailing. Filled with pain and agony. Because of him!
Something warm wrapped itself around him. Like a blanket, but oddly more comforting. It carried a familiar scent with it, and Burning Spice found himself latching onto the person in front of him. Face buried in their chest as the noise subsided to gentle, calming murmurs. He took shaky breaths in, inhaling the familiar scent to calm his nerves. It smelled of desert sand, though milder than the spice sand back in Beast Yeast, and cheese. Comforting…like home…
He should be able to recognize her scent anywhere. It had stuck to his hands for hours after he had torn her apart.
Burning Spice screwed his eyes shut. Trying his best to will away the haunting thoughts. All of this was in the past. Things were different now! He was different now!
All throughout, the comforting warmth stayed and the gentle murmur continued, a second warmth joining soon after.
He didn't know how long it took till he was able to pull himself together again. He didn't know when he had sunken to the floor, either. But when he was calm enough to open his eyes again, he found himself in Golden Cheeses embrace, her wings securely wrapped around him.
Smoked Cheese crouched beside them, one hand resting comfortingly on Burning Spices shoulder, where Golden Cheese's wing had moved to the side, probably having arrived not too long ago. The queen and her advisor were having a hushed argument over his head, but Burning Spice couldn't be bothered enough to figure out what about.
As good as it was possible to without stirring, he took in his queen's appearance. She looked unharmed… there was no jam, no loose feathers, no look of shocked, agonizing pain on her face. He almost sighed in relief, heart settling down a bit as the fear subsided somewhat. His treasures were still unharmed.
Then his gaze moved towards the room's entrance a bit. In the doorway stood one of Golden Cheeses subjects, the cascade of milk white hair slightly disheveled as she looked on worriedly. He’d seen her around before, teasing Smoked Cheese most of the time. She must have been who fetched him.
Their eyes meet for a moment, and her features smoothed out, an at ease smile replacing the worry. She left without a word, and it was only then that Burning Spice noticed that the quiet arguing had stopped.
When the beast raised his gaze, he was met with the eyes of the queen and her right hand looking down at him. Both worried, yet relieved all the same.
Golden Cheese was the first to speak.
“Are you alright, Pepperseed?” The goddess of abundance asked, voice gentle but laced with worry.
What a loaded question. What was he supposed to answer to that?
“I’ll live…” was his ultimate response as he set up properly and let go of her, eyes cast away in avoidance as golden wings slipped from his shoulders. He didn’t need to see her face to know that she would be dissatisfied by his lukewarm answer.
It was Smoked Cheese who spoke next.
“Do you want to talk about it?” The tamer asked, giving the beast's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. Burning Spice's gaze lifted enough to meet his. “You’ve been acting increasingly off lately. It’s worrisome. I think it might be best if you told us what was going on!” There was care accompanied with an almost scolding sternness in Smoked Cheese's voice.
“I’d rather not, actually. Besides, it’s not that big of a deal. Don’t worry.” Burning Spice answered with a sigh, running a hand through his hair.
He could practically feel Smoked Cheese's frown.
“Burning-!”
“You don't have to tell us, if you aren’t ready”, Golden Cheese interrupted. Both their eyes moved to her, though Smoked Cheese’s did so much faster, a look of indignation on his face.
“But I do have to agree with Smoked Cheese on some part. I think it would do you some good to find someone to talk to about it.” She continued without missing a beat, holding his gaze with her own. A soft smile bloomed on her face moments later, both her hands coming up to rest on his cheeks.
“Of course, we’ll still be here, if you decide that ‘someone’ should be us. You can always talk to us.”
Everything about her was caring, loving and sincere at that moment. Her eyes, hands, lips… everything. The descending sun falling in through the window let her golden hair almost glow, framing her in a halo of natural light. Burning Spice couldn't stop himself from blushing ever so slightly, and would have nearly spilled his heart right then and there, where he not so determined to spare them from useless worry.
She was a goddess indeed.
The spell was broken when Golden Cheese turned her gaze away and spoke again. “Actually, I’d say we’d probably be kind of offended if you didn't decide it to be us! But I guess I ultimately can’t control who you’ll pick!” It was said in a joking manner. Overly theatrical by trying to seem both offended, and like it was no big deal at the same time as she let go of him and shrugged.
Burning Spice couldn't help the small, amused scoff that left his lips, and Smoked Cheese beside him groaned in fake annoyance.
“By the witches, I’m dating idiots”
“Excuse you?!” Golden Cheese gasped in mock offense, one hand coming to rest on her chest, as if Smoked Cheeses words had wounded her. “I have you know, that my reasoning is far from idiotic! Also, I demand that you pay your queen some respect!”
“Maybe I would, if she weren't so infuriating!” Smoked Cheese retorted, an arrogant and slightly provocative smirk on his face.
Than his face turned serious again, teasing subsiding.
“But in all seriousness, I better not catch you guys doing this again. The next time one of you want’s to test their mental strength, wait till I’m around!” And there was the scolding tone again, almost like he was chastising two children instead of two former rulers of great nations.
Both reborn queen and tamed beast couldn’t help but roll their eyes, though there was affection behind the act. Ultimately they both agreed to their lover's demand.
“Speaking of which: turn around”, Smoked Cheese continued, addressing Golden Cheese. She cocked her head to the side inquisitively.
“Since I’m already here anyways, I might as well take care of your wings. Before your impatience gets the better of you, again.” Smoked Cheese explained, gesturing for her to go ahead and turn around. The queen's wings fluffed up slightly in happy anticipation, greedy for the wished for attention.
“That’s my cue to leave, I guess.” Burning Spice said as he rose from his seated position with a small grunt.
“You can stay”, came the response from both of his treasures in unison. “Watching me do it might make it easier for you the next time”, Smoked Cheese added on while Golden Cheese nodded in affirmation.
Burning Spice hesitated, uncertainty prickling under his dough as he considered if going along with this would be a good idea, or a terrible mistake. But Golden Cheese was looking up at him with almost innocent hopefulness, and even Smoked Cheese, while pretending to not care about it too much, looked towards him with a sort of anticipation…
So, with a sigh, the former beast sat down once more. “Fine. If you two think this is a good idea, I’ll stay…I guess.” He complied, earning a grin from greed and a satisfied smile from cunning.
As if sensing the harbingers' tenseness when Golden Cheese turned her back towards them, Smoked Cheese took the opportunity to seat himself between the two of them. Leaning back, he basically used Burned Spice as a back rest while he got to work. Explaining each and every little thing calmly, as if he were teaching the process of preening to his lover.
It was…oddly calming to watch him work. To watch Golden Cheeses shoulders sack in relaxation as she completely surrendered herself to the process, her eyes no doubt closed to savor the moment. The calm of Smoked Cheese's voice, the weight and warmth of his body leaning against Burning Spice’s chest… It helped to ground him, to set his nerves at ease. And sooner than he might have anticipated, Burning Spice found himself relaxing. Arms snacking around the smaller cookies midriff, he rested his head on Smocked Cheeses. He didn’t seem to mind, experienced fingers never faltering in their working.
None of them knew how much time they spent like this. And if Smocked Cheese took his time with the preening, or if Burning Spice started to doze off after some time, those were secrets only Golden Cheese was previewed to.