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A baby. On his table, laying there and staring at the ceiling with no care in the world. Wrapped in a bundle of clothing stained with the blood of who knew how many people, ripped and tattered.
Junho had left the baby in the same position when he went to check the balance of the account. He didn't know what to do, where to even start.
He ran a hand down his face, lightly shifting one of the chairs by the table and sitting down. The baby was sleeping now, seemingly at peace. There were no details on the card other than “222, the winner”. What was he supposed to do with this? The baby had no name, no connections after both parents had presumably died. This was….
Jun-ho let out a long sigh, the silence of his apartment cocooning his already mingled thoughts. Six whole months since he had left that damned island, one he had spent all his time and effort searching for. For nothing but a single look for his brother, and now a baby delivered to him like those birds do from a Disney movie.
Forty five billion won, and what to do with it? Donate it, use the money to give this baby a better life, find a suitable mother? Why him? Why would In-ho leave such a decision to him, why not keep the baby himself, to reap what he had sown?
Jun-ho could slap himself. There was no point thinking that much into it now. To think back to six months ago, to two years ago, was a waste of time. Just as he began to snap out of his tangent, he heard a soft sound. The baby had woken up.
Immediately, it (he/she/it? In-ho hadn’t even given him the information on the baby’s gender) started crying. Of course it did. The baby probably hadn’t been fed in an age, and had no source of comfort, no mother, no father.
Jun-ho was no parent. He’d never been in a relationship, let alone had a child. Taking care of kids was foreign to him. It was something that used to be on his mind, before In-ho lost his wife. Since then, he got sick at the mere thought.
Despite this, he couldn’t just leave the baby to cry and scream on the table. He grit his teeth as the sounds of its cries filled his dingy, quiet apartment. Jun-ho stood up, gently taking the baby into his arms in the best way he could guess was correct.
By the way the baby was dressed beneath the tattered jacket, Jun-ho quickly guessed she was a girl as he picked her up. Her head gently rested against the crook of his arm. She still cried, what was wrong? Jun-ho sighed, deciding to move around a bit in the hopes it would help.
He felt a fool rocking the baby slightly, seeing if anything would work. The baby took in a few breaths, and seemed to quieten down, but still cried.
“Shhhh”, was the best he could produce right now. He was not a comforter, never had been designed to take care of things. Everytime he tried to do that, he failed.
That reminder struck the initialisation of some sort of cacophony of thoughts in his head. Like a conductor had made a mistake; the orchestra was uncoordinated.
Jun-ho’s vision almost seemed to blur as he stared down at the baby. She had calmed down a bit, making the odd cooing sounds as he stood, moving from side to side. She seemed to like that, at least.
He narrowed his eyes as he saw a drop of something on her cheek. It was like water. He glanced up, nothing came from the ceiling above. A wave of relief hit him, while he could definitely afford to get that fixed with ease now, he didn’t want someone coming into his apartment.
Jun-ho looked back down the baby, and another drop hit her cheek. Her eyes were closed now, she didn’t seem to make much of it. Jun-ho held her with one arm as he raised a hand to his face.
Hah, tears. That still happened? Jun-ho would laugh, if it weren’t for the baby now peacefully sleeping in his arms. Looks like he could do something right for once. But, how was he supposed to take care of her? An unfortunate shopping trip was in order.
Jun-ho placed her back on the jacket on the table.
He quickly wiped the stray tears from his face, a well of shame building up within him. He had no right, truly, to care for this child; to take the place of her parent, her guardian. It should have been her mother, her father, whoever they were. And if not them, Seong Gi-hun. Jun-ho grimaced, wanting to slap himself for thinking of that man. The guilt had racked him, for not reaching him in time.
Jun-ho sat down, squeezing his hands into fists and out. He had gotten nothing after all he did. Nothing had been worth it. Lying to Seong Gi-hun, not telling him his brother’s identity, all for nothing.
To not even get a single word off him in person before he left that damned island. And now, to be stuck with potentially raising a player’s baby? Left with money he had no idea where to even start with? Money that must be as dirty as the bloated corpses now lying in the sea after the island exploded. It was all a sick joke, the world playing a large game with him. Hell, he didn’t even have to join those awful games, he was stuck in one in his own personal life.
Jun-ho sat back in the chair, letting out a quiet huff of amusement. The baby slept on, likely what she had also done throughout those games. The desperation that the mother or father must have had…the fact that In-ho had facilitated such a thing. It made bile rise up in his throat, a dirty mixture of disgust, guilt and the amount of sea water he had essentially consumed doing everything to find his damn brother.
Jun-ho breathed out steadily, resting his head on his hands as he leaned on the table, watching the baby. A baby with no name, no proper birthplace, record or parents. He had to do something. Someone had to.
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Jun-ho squinted at the list in front of him. He’d written a quick, mismatched list before leaving his apartment, now he could barely read it. The first thing he did when he left the house this morning was grab a cheap baby carrier from the nearest store he could find. At least now, he could bring her with him.
Jun-ho stood in his local food store, staring at the seemingly endless aisle of baby formulas and products. He didn’t have a clue where to even start. Who did In-ho think he was? Jun-ho knew In-ho had more experience with caring for babies, considering their age difference. If it wouldn’t have seemed strange, Jun-ho would audibly sigh right now.
People, mainly mothers, passed him up and down the store aisle. Some were clearly annoyed at him for just standing there, but seriously, he had no idea what baby formula to get. The baby thankfully slept soundly, in the same clothes from yesterday. He needed to get her some food and new outfits pretty fast.
“Hwang, is that you?!”, a loud, brazen voice comes from Jun-ho’s right, nearly making him jump. He stopped himself before he did, considering he was holding a baby.
He looked up from the shelves to see Choi Woo-seok. Of all people! How was he supposed to explain the baby he was carrying to this guy?
“Mr. Choi..why are you here?”
He looked baffled at such a question, squinting his eyes at Jun-ho before glancing down quickly and glancing back up. He did a quick double take, then another and pointed to the baby.
Choi attempted to conduct a sentence, but instead a bunch of noise just spilled from his mouth in a state of confusion.
Jun-ho threw up his hand, shaking his head. “Hey, Mr. Choi, did you forget we’re in public? Calm down!”
Choi stopped speaking gibberish, and lowered his hand, breathing out dramatically.
“Hwang, I’m not sure why you’re talking to me like I’m the unreasonable one! Why the hell do you have a baby!”
Jun-ho stared him dead in the eye. “She’s my..cousin’s child”. He was still a detective in some aspects, he was used to picking up on lies quite easily. But that didn’t mean he did not know some tricks at lying himself.
Choi folded his arms, humming. They got more stares. Jun-ho supposed it was odd of them, two grown men having a conversation in a baby supplies aisle while one carried a baby carrier awkwardly.
Choi spoke once more. “You’ve never mentioned a cousin having a child. Anyways, why would you be buying her products?”
“Trying to interrogate me now, Mr. Choi? Maybe you should become a detective yourself”
Choi let out a huff, shaking his head. Jun-ho raised an eyebrow. “You know, Mr. Choi, I could also ask you what you’re doing in this aisle of the store. Last time I checked, you had no kids..”
In reality, Jun-ho didn’t really care why he was here. He just wanted to get his things and dip, but it was worth it keeping Choi distracted, so he wouldn’t ask any more questions.
Choi stopped in his tracks, throwing his hands up and sputtering some excuse about looking for alcohol and ending up here. Jun-ho just nodded, and explained he had things to do.
Jun-ho sighed. He just wanted that conversation over. He was exhausted all of a sudden. Seeing the baby at his house last night had brought everything back. It felt like he’d gone straight into the deep end of an endless pool of thoughts and anxieties…honestly. His damn brother.
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Hwang In-ho quickly realised his mistake of returning to South Korea so soon. He should have stayed in the U.S, at least he wouldn’t randomly nearly see his brother in public.
In-ho knew he was a fool. After the destruction of the island, he should have stayed far away from South Korea, from Seoul, from any place that was related to the games or his past. A part of him just..couldn’t.
Six months later, everything seemed to run a loop again and again in his mind. Player 456, the VIPS, Jun-ho, the explosion of the game and island as a whole.
He had taken care of the baby for some time after leaving the island. In-ho knew he couldn’t keep such a child, it was not something that should be delegated to a person like him. As In-ho sat in front of his TV, the show he had on became white noise in the background as he recalled the choice he had laid out before Seong Gi-hun.
He thought he had him..figured out. His killing of Player 388 should have done it, In-ho thought that was it. That he would be willing to kill for the greater good, uncaring if it was so “unfair”.
The game was never a fair battleground. Everyone knew it after a while, despite the constant reminders to players that it was. Afterall, life is also akin to a game, and life is cruelly unfair. It is cruel to the adults of old and the children of the earth. The ones born under circumstances they cannot control, and the ones who did not even get the chance to breathe the world’s air, or see the sights outside the hospital room.
In-ho breathed out deeply, placing his glass of whisky on the table beside him. The baby did not deserve to be touched, raised, or cared for by someone who played a part in her misery, in her reality without a mother.
Despite this, In-ho felt he did the right thing. Jun-ho was a good man, he always had been. He was loyal, and caring. In-ho could already guess what he must be thinking right now. A stream of panic, most likely. Jun-ho had never been amazing with children, especially babies. Or, that was what he believed.
Even if Jun-ho was given the duty of protecting that child without the circumstances behind it…In-ho believed he would care for her, and look after her as he saw fit.
In-ho found that he was smiling, ever so slightly, at the thought of Jun-ho. How strange.
He could hear Jun-ho’s words even now. “Why? Why did you do it?”
In truth, he couldn’t give a reason. He could say his wife, his unborn child. But no one truly asked him to murder those people in their sleep, to ‘kill the trash’. Other than Oh Il-nam. In-ho could not say, even now, that he killed those people for the sake of his wife. It was out of sheer desperation, a headspace he can barely recall.
Jun-ho did not deserve to be met with such facts. The version of In-ho from the past was simply not there. Or not there as it used to be. It was a small part of himself, the odd time it tried to beat itself against his head, begging to be let out. The person who gave his kidney up for his brother’s life, the person who loved his wife and unborn child. But it was too quiet now; too quiet for him to even consider acknowledging the sound.
In-ho would continue existing, for the sake of Jun-ho. Someone needed to keep an eye on that boy, In-ho had no employees as of now. So it had to be him. So be it.
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Jun-ho cracked his knuckles as he walked back and forth in his small kitchen. It hadn’t occurred to him until right now..that he had to name this baby.
The baby that as of now, was resting in her cot after just being fed. She wore new sleeping clothes, ones Jun-ho had purchased. He’d eventually gotten the courage to ask some mothers in the aisle for advice. Since racking his brain and staring at shelves didn’t seem to do much.
Naming a child? It was far too much responsibility, and Jun-ho felt in the complete wrong for even thinking of naming her. It wasn’t his, he didn’t even know the parents or any potential grandparents. In-ho had given no information whatsoever.
The baby stirred slightly, a few babbling noises coming from her. Jun-ho stopped pacing, pursing his lips slightly as he walked slowly up to the cot.
The baby simply looked around, eyes curious as she kicked out her arms and legs, something Jun-ho knew was common. Jun-ho huffed out a slight laugh, shaking his head. He felt jumpy at her every move, as if he was always doing something wrong. Maybe he was, but who would correct him?
He leaned his arms on the cot lightly, staring down at her for a moment. She glanced at him, toothless mouth smiling brightly. Jun-ho could just stare. The innocence of those so young threw him off sometimes, especially right now. This child, born into a hellhole of death, blood, and killers most likely willing to murder her for a rise in the prize money, could still smile so brightly. It was like the sun had sent down her own child, and instructed her to be positive and bright like themself.
Maybe that was a ridiculous analogy. But right now, staring down at this little girl, it didn’t seem like an exaggeration at all.
Jun-ho reached a hand into the cot, slowly, just letting it hover above her. She let out a happy sound, grabbing his ring finger with her tiny hands. Jun-ho’s eyes widened slightly, he laughed to himself at the motion.
Something so simple seemed to strike a chord in him. Jun-ho felt like an instrument that was finally correctly tuned. Seeing this baby smile, finding joy in just grabbing his hand…he had to look after her. It was his duty. His duty to those he didn’t save. To Seong Gi-hun, to the mother of this child that he didn’t even know the name of. To In-ho, the very one who gave her to him.
An idea popped into Jun-ho’s mind as he played with the baby. He made it a little game for her to try and grab onto his fingers.
“Hmm..perhaps Jin-Ae”
Jin-Ae. Truth and love. It was a name he remembers In-ho and his wife adoring when their child was on the way. It felt fitting for this little girl, a girl so clearly made of love, and showing nothing but her true self that had not yet been hit by the world’s reality or grievances.
Jun-ho would protect her from that, as best he could. He would shield her from those who tried to corrupt her world. Until the very last year, or perhaps game, of her life.
Afterall, love is…