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The council meeting had ended, which meant Jayce Talis was finally free to do what he actually liked to do. Which was sneaking off to the Undercity to meet Viktor.
Trailing behind him, Caitlyn Kiramman sighed and adjusted her unnecessarily elaborate coat. “You know, you don’t have to run like someone set your tail on fire”
Jayce glanced over his shoulder and grinned. “You try sitting through six hours of political jargon without feeling like your tail was on fire.”
Cait snickered. “That’s what you get paid to do, Jayce. Aren’t you the one who said sitting around and doing nothing to get paid is the best job ever??”
Jayce physically shuddered. “Those words now taste like regret and mistakes for me. ‘City of Progress’ my ass”
Caitlyn elbowed him lightly. “Speaking of progress, when are you going back to Zaun?”
Jayce blinked. “What?”
“You said last week you were picking up some ‘tech doodads’ from that boy… Uh… what’s-his-name… Uh.. Yeah!! Ekko.”
“Oh! Yeah. I’m heading down tomorrow.” He gave her a cautious side-eye. “Why?”
“I want to come with you.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“You’re not even hearing my reasons!”
“I don’t need to. You’re a topsider heiress who has never set foot in Zaun, wears blue velvet like it’s armor, and once asked if the smell of their water was ‘a cultural thing.’”
Caitlyn folded her arms. “I was asking for research purposes.”
Jayce deadpanned. “You sprayed yourself with it.”
“HEY! Not my fault that pipe exploded”
“It was written in bold words right on top of the tap that the pipe was damaged!!”
She sighed and turned her face into a practiced pout. “Fine. Don’t take me. But you could at least bring me back something interesting.”
Jayce raised an eyebrow. “Like what?”
“I don’t know. Something… underground-y. Gritty. Authentic.”
“Authentic… like a bottle of gutter water?”
Cait narrowed her eyes. “Jayce!!”
“Alright, alright,” he relented. “I’ll find something truly Zaunite. I swear on my exceptionally defined arms.”
She gave a mock salute. “I demand success, Councilor”
The Next Day, Zaun
Jayce wasn’t entirely sure how he ended up here. One moment he was walking through the winding alleys of Zaun, picking up tech parts from Ekko’s shop, and the next, he was being shoved through the front door of a low-lit pub called “The Last Drop” by a grease-smeared teenager yelling, “You haven’t lived until you’ve eaten here!”
Inside, the pub smelled like oil, fire, and something sizzling in his stomach that Jayce immediately identified as PLEASE!! FEED ME!!
Behind the bar, a pink-haired girl tossed a tray of golden strips into the air and caught it without looking. “Chicken tenders,” she declared. “For table number three, coming right up!!”
The grease-smeared teenager, whose name Jayce now knew was ‘Mylo’ walked over to take the bucket the girl just prepared and walked past him. As the bucket moved past him, he visibly saw the smell from them rise up and transform into a hand that flew to his nose and beckoned him towards them.
Jayce spun around to look towards the pink haired creator of those tenders. Jayce approached like a pilgrim at a holy site. “Do… you take card?”
The girl blinked. “What’s a card?”
Jayce didn’t care. He slapped down a handful of coins. “Your finest Chicken tenders!!”
She grinned, grabbed a paper basket, and loaded it with the fried treasure. “You got a name, topsider?”
“Jayce.”
“Vi.”
“Why? That’s my name”
“No, Vi is my name”
“Your name is Why? ”
“Yeah. Why not?”
Huh? Why Knot. Must be an Undercity name.
“Okay, Why Knot. Give me your best.”
Why Knot smiled and they shook hands. Her grip was unreasonably strong. As unreasonable as her name.
Jayce retreated to an empty table. He placed down the paper bag which held those golden fried treasures. Jayce picked up a still-smoking-hot piece of chicken tender. He brought it to his lips. He bit in.
As soon as the flavours hit, the doors of Heaven opened.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
A choir sang in the distance. His knees buckled. His soul momentarily left his body and high-fived a god who looked like ‘ Why Knot’ wielding a spatula with a Halo made of chicken tenders. He was crying.
“Are you okay?” Vi asked as she walked over towards him.
Jayce sobbed. “This… this is illegal.”
Vi looked mildly enraged, maybe a little pissed. “MYLO!! DID YOU PUT COCAINE IN THE FLOUR AGAIN??”
Mylo whipped around like he was offended. He stuttered over with an angry pout. “Excuse me!! I did not!! Powder ate all of my stash two days ago!!”
“YOU GAVE POWDER COKE??”
“I just told you. I didn’t give it to her, she ATE it all”
“Deal with Jakey here real quick, Imma go deal with that,” Vi said as she walked into the backrooms.
“Okay, Jackson,” Mylo said as he leaned on the table, taking a bite out of the flake of the tender that Jayce didn’t manage to consume.
“I need to take this back with me,” Jayce said pointing to the paper bag.
“The paper bag?” Mylo asked
“No! The tenders! They are majestic. This must be some kind of super secret recipe!!”
Mylo, now seated on a nearby stool watched Jayce with the eyes of a professional scammer. He leaned forward. “Hear me out man, we don’t really do take outs.”
Jayce blinked mid-bite. “What?!” Jayce’s eyes widened. “Why?! Is it really some kind of secret recipe??”
“Old family recipe,” Mylo whispered. “Only passed down to one person at a time. Place can’t survive without it. The next couple weeks will be the last of the times we will be serving these here.”
Mylo shoved another tender into Jayce’s mouth. “Savor it. Remember it. Tell your grandkids.”
Jayce grabbed Mylo’s wrist. “I need to take some back. I’ll pay anything. Parcel it. Vacuum-seal it. Cryo-freeze it!!”
Mylo nodded solemnly, trying his damndest to not laugh. “That’ll be double. Parceling’s sacred and requires the permission of our ancestors,” Mylo said as he stood in between Jayce and a family of Chireans walking out with three paper bag takeouts.
Later That Evening, Piltover
Caitlyn sat at her desk, the parcel unwrapped before her like an artifact. The way Jayce had described it was certainly backed up by how it looked and smelled. She picked up the still-warm tender, sniffed, and took a bite.
The moment it hit her tongue, the world stopped turning. Her eyes widened. A single tear traced down her cheek. Her heart skipped a beat, and another, and another, and the next, and by that point her other internal organs told it to get a grip
"What... what is this feeling? This warmth? This unearned joy?"
She diligently placed each piece in her mouth like it was an offering from God. “This can’t be just food. This is… this is… this is everything great about mankind in edible form!”
Jayce leaned his elbows against the table, savouring his own piece. “Told you.”
“Where did you get this? What is in it? What… what is the crust made of?!”
He shrugged “Maybe Cocaine? I heard them talk about Eating Powder with Cocaine or something. Maybe they are a secret Drug Mafia?”
Jayce swallowed a bite and savoured its journey down his throat before continuing. “They said it was a secret family recipe. Sacred. Maybe originally prepared by their ancient Mafia family elders. Unfortunately the place is shutting down.”
The tender fell from Caitlyn’s hand like a wilted flower. “Gone? Forever? The love of my life?”
She spun on Jayce, grabbing him by the collar. “I can't let them do that!! Take me to them!! I shall fund them!! I need the recipe!!”
“What? Cait you can't be serious. You can't associate the Kiramman family name with people who openly speak about eating Powder”
“You can't just give me a droplet of Greatness and expect me to immediately part ways with it!! That's unacceptable,” Cait drew Jayce closer by the collar. The 18 year old seemed to dwarf Jayce in strength by her sheer love for Chicken Tenders.
“I MUST HAVE MORE!!”
Jayce, chewing idly, said, “You could always marry the cook.”
Cait stared at him. Jayce grinned. “Just sayin’. She has good arms. You like arms right?”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“She gave me her name. Why Knot. A little weird but still, an authentic Undercity name.”
“I am not marrying a stranger for chicken.”
Jayce popped another tender into his mouth. “It was a joke, Sprout. I'll get you that recipe some other way. Without associating Powder addicts and drug dealers.”
That Night
Caitlyn was inside of a dark void. Floating within it were tenders. Glorious, golden, glimmering. But then they turned towards her and their crusty outer layer peeled away to reveal angry faces.
“You left us,” one whispered.
“We believed in you,” another wept.
“You were our only hope,” the third said, voice cracking, “and you betrayed us.”
Caitlyn screamed as they drifted away, one by one, into darkness. She woke with a start, drenched in sweat. Moonlight shone through her window.
She sat up. Her eyes were wild.
“Don't worry, Chicken Tenders,” she muttered. “I won’t let you guys down.”
A standard black hoodie, too large for Caitlyn Kiramman’s frame, paired with enormous sunglasses, a fake mustache that kept falling off. The pinnacle of disguise, truly.
She tucked the Newspaper she had under her armpit and got to her destination. She stood across from The Last Drop, crouched behind a barrel of something stinking vaguely fishy, scribbling into a notebook.
"Subject has exited the kitchen.
Biceps: pronounced.
Apron: slightly singed.
Face: Quite possibly the most adorable face I've ever seen”
Vi bent to pick up a sack of flour and Caitlyn audibly gasped.
That arm could crush me like a wet biscuit. They're big enough for me to fall asleep on.
She wrote this down. Starred it. Underlined it. And circled it three times for good measure.
A Zaunite toddler passing by pointed and said, “Why is that fancy lady hiding behind trash?”
Cait turned, flustered. The mom who was with the boy smacked him on his head.
“Billy! I've told you not to insult the homeless.” The lady dropped a few silver coins into front of Caitlyn. “Get yourself something to eat okay.”
Cait blinked. The child walked off. And so did the mother.
Inside the Last Drop, Powder peered out the window, watching Cait adjust her hoodie and tiptoe like a burglar in a stage play.
“Is that chick… wearing a fake mustache today?”
Vi looked up from the fryer. “Oh, she’s back?”
“She’s been here for four days straight. Yesterday she wore a monocle. Today she’s got a fake moustache. What’s her deal?” Powder asked.
Vi shrugged, grinning. “She’s kind of cute.”
Powder’s face froze. “...What?”
Vi wiped her hands. “All the sneaking around, the weird staring, the weird notes. I think she’s into me but she's just too shy to approach. A secret admirer.”
Powder turned toward the window. Caitlyn now had Binoculars and was literally staring at Vi through them. Her mouth was stuffed with three pieces of chicken tenders and was taking notes while drooling.
“She’s not a secret admirer, Vi. She's a stalker!!” Powder clenched her fists.
Vi chuckled. “If she's a stalker she's a terrible one. Besides, I think I kinda like her.”
“Right,” she muttered. “Sabotage time.”
Powder stormed into the storage room where Ekko was fixing a toaster with a wrench and a large amount of prayer.
“Ekko. I need you.”
Ekko blinked. “For… what?”
“To poison someone. Slightly.”
“Excuse me?”
“Just a little! Harmless. Low-level stomach ache.”
Ekko sighed. “Is this about the girl following Vi?”
“She’s not following. She’s stalking. She wants something. Maybe Vi’s kidneys.”
“You’re being irrational.”
“Maybe.”
Ekko and Powder watched from behind the bar as Caitlyn sat at a corner booth, nose buried in a notebook, twirling a pen and drawing Vi’s biceps with hearts around them.
Powder handed Ekko a mini Binocular. “See!! Look at that!! She's planning on dismembering Vi limb from limb. She's definitely an organ trafficker. Or worse, a cannibal.”
“A Cannibal? Where did you get that from?” Ekko asked as he peered through the Binocular.
“Isn't it obvious? Look at her. She's drooling at Vi’s arms”
Powder said as she pointed to a string of clear drool drooping from Caitlyn’s lower lip as she stared at Vi in the bar. People walking in front of Cait visibly recoiled because her eyes had literally turned into pink heart shapes.
Powder leaned toward the drink tray, held up a tiny vial of liquid. “Just a splash.”
“You sure it won’t kill her?” Ekko asked, still concerned.
“Only her dignity.” She slipped it into the drink. “Okay now give it to her.”
Ekko was shoved towards Cait by Powder. He waddled over there with the tray in hand. He neared Caitlyn’s table. Only to be grabbed by the wrist.
“That's my drink.” It was Sevika, grizzled, one-armed, permanently annoyed Sevika.
“Ugh… She ordered first,” Ekko said
“I SAID MY DRINK.”
She snatched the drink without a glance, and chugged it in one go. Ekko’s face went so pale that it would be seen as a cultural violation by some. Powder facepalmed.
There was a pause. A very long pause.
Glurrr! Roared Sevika’s stomach.
She began sweating bullets. “What the-”
Glurrr!!!!
"MOVE!!!” she screamed, pushing past the bar. “NEED TO USE THE BATHROOM."
Ekko slowly backed away as Sevika kicked the door off its hinges and stampeded toward the restroom.
Caitlyn crouched behind a fruit cart, peeking out with the intensity of a spy on a high-stakes mission. A melon vendor glanced down at her. She gave him a finger to her lips. “Shh.” He blinked.
Across the plaza, Vi chatted casually with some sweaty construction workers, scolding them for being so late. Cait’s eyes twinkled. She whispered under her breath,“Ugh! I wish she’d scold me like that.”
A passing child stared at her. “Is that lady okay?”
“Shhh!” Cait said as she dove behind a sandwich board sign that she did not read. She peeked from behind it. Vi turned around. Cait snapped back behind the sign, breathing hard.
After a beat, she patted the sign. “Thank you, brave shield.”
Then, with all the stealth of three Yordles in a trench coat, she tiptoed after Vi.
Meanwhile, Up on the Rooftops…..
Powder and Ekko crouched behind a chimney, watching the bizarre scene unfold below.
“Alright,” Powder muttered, tying a bandana around her head. “Plan B: stink bomb.”
Ekko looked like he wanted to be somewhere not here. “I still don’t know why we’re doing this.”
“She’s a threat.”
“She hasn’t even touched Vi.”
“She wrote a poem about Vi’s elbows, Ekko.”
He blinked. “Wait? Actually?”
“She wrote ‘their powerful hinge, make my soul un-cringe.’”
Ekko winced at the uncanny description
From her backpack, Powder pulled out a bulging balloon. Inside: swamp-green fluid sloshed ominously. Rotting eggs. Sump water. And a purplish jelly that was previously held inside an airtight jar labeled, "DO NOT OPEN - Sincerely, Past Powder."
She knotted the balloon tight.
Ekko backed away. “Please don’t.”
Powder grinned. “Stink bomb delivery.”
She leaned over the edge of the rooftop and released it.
For a while it was going fine, but then, the damn thing snagged on a thin wire of clothesline. Powder watched it slow-down.
TOoooOING!!
By the power of Issac the Newt, the 18th Century Vastayan Mathematician who wrote down the 3 laws of motion, Caitlyn was saved. Specifically the third law. As the stink bomb bounced back into Powder’s face with Equal and Opposite force.
She screamed. Ekko screamed. A family of birds nesting on the same rooftop spontaneously ceased to be alive from the stench.
Caitlyn looked up towards the roof and sniffed. “Okay now that smell is definitely not a cultural thing?”
Meanwhile, Powder and Ekko clawed their way out of the cloud of noxious miasma. Powder groaned. “Plan C. I need a Plan C…”
Meanwhile, Elsewhere in the Drop
Jayce returned. He sauntered in like a man with nothing to lose, holding a parcel bag and humming to himself.
Mylo spotted him. “Ey, Mister Muscles. Back again?”
Jayce sat at the bar. “I want the recipe.”
Mylo froze. Claggor, who was sweeping nearby, paused mid-brush. He looked at his brother who had the look on his face which always got them in trouble.
“…What?”
“I said I want your super secret family recipe, and I’m willing to pay whatever price for it.”
Mylo thought fast. Then he flashed a smile that was borderline psychotic.
“Oh yeah, totally! We'll just sell the recipe. You really have some nerve asking for it, Mister! To earn something like that, you must lose something of equal value.”
Jayce raised an eyebrow. “Seriously? Uhh… How about this Authentic Gold Chain? It is a symbol of my family's heritage.
Jayce said as he showed the gold chain with the hammer of House Talis on them. “Final offer.”
Mylo’s eyes lit up with Gold Dollar signs. He nodded frantically. Jayce grinned and took off a shiny chain around his neck. “You got a deal.”
Mylo grabbed it greedily. But Jayce held it tight. “The Recipe?”
Mylo looked at Jayce. He composed himself back. “Uh, come back later. I'll have it ready”
Jayce nodded and handed the chain and left.
Claggor looked nervous. “What the heck are you planning?”
Mylo smirked. “I’ll figure something out.”
Back at Caitlyn’s Hideout
She sat on a crate, cross-legged, drawing Vi in her notebook. She’d labeled those titanic arms “Weapons of Mass Distraction” with the following note accompanying them:
“I came here trying to learn the secrets of Chicken Tenders, but the wicked Vi has ensnared me and constantly distracts my real goal with her charms. I must take action to complete my original goal”
Caitlyn spoke out loud as she scribbled furiously. “Just you wait, Vi. I will steal it right from under your nose.”
Powder watched her from the shadows, fuming. “She’s gonna steal from her.”
Ekko handed her a juice box. “What if she means like…. Steal her heart??”
“No! That's worse!!” Powder growled. “She’s not allowed to just show up, drool on everything, and win Vi over!”
“You sound a little jealous.”
“I’m not jealous. I’m vengeful.”
NEXT DAY
It was a quiet morning in Zaun. Steam curled from rooftop vents. The glow of street lamps flickered through fog. Caitlyn was fully prepared for the heist. She will steal the recipe and nothing will stop her.
Caitlyn crouched in a tight alley beside the Last Drop’s rear entrance, cradling a small parcel from Jayce. Inside, he’d said, was something for Viktor.
“Just drop it off,” he’d said casually. “You’ll be there anyway, doing… whatever it is that you're doing down there nowadays.”
Cait had agreed, partially to cover her real objective, breaking into the kitchen and stealing the chicken tender recipe. Early morning seemed like the best time, no one would be awake and no patrons to fear.
This is fine. I have a plan. Get in. Learn the secret. Avoid detection. Absolutely no awkward social mishaps. And leave before first light.
Mrrrraaaww!!!!
She stepped on the tail of a Stray Cat that leapt and dashed off, Caitlyn gasped and stumbled back into a stack of garbage bins, knocking her head against a rusted pipe and rolling her ankle.
"Ow ow ow, My feet."
The parcel's paper cover slipped from her arms and tore down the middle.
RIIIIIIP.
Flowers. So many flowers. Roses, Violets, Hydrangeas, Orchids, and maybe species of flora Caitlyn didn't even know existed.
They exploded out from her hand in a dramatic bouquet like a pre-primed Jack in the box.
Vi stepped into the alley just in time to see the scene unfold like a love-sick crime drama. “Huh?”
She saw Caitlyn, standing under the light of the street lamp illuminated like in a 90’s stage drama. The bouquet of flowers captured Violet's eyes and heart simultaneously.
And so they stood. Vi holding a bag of garbage and waste, Caitlyn in the exact same pose holding a large bouquet of multicolored flowers.
Before Vi could even speak, the Bouquet shot a small card out inside it with some confetti. Caitlyn flinched back, nearly falling.
Caitlyn stood still, thinking If I don’t move she can't see me.
Vi dropped her garbage bags and she picked up the letter.
It read:
To the one who makes gears spin and circuits sing,
You’re the real spark in my life.
Will you marry me?
My dear Vi-
The rest was burned off thanks to whatever mechanism shot the card out. But Vi read what she had to. Vi blinked, then looked at Caitlyn. Then at the letter. Then at Caitlyn again, who was now visibly sweating bullets.
Vi’s face flushed. “Oh my god.”
Caitlyn’s face said pure panic. Vi’s brain, however, decided it had decoded everything. Flowers. A love letter. All dedicated to Vi.
It was obvious. Caitlyn was proposing.
Vi shrieked like a kettle pot. “Omigod!! Yes!! Yes I love you too!!”
Back Inside, Moments later
Caitlyn sat at a table, still shell-shocked. Her thoughts had folded into a ball and rolled under a rock and said “Hasta La Vista.”
Vi plopped down beside her, slid the bouquet onto the table, and grinned.
“Didn’t think you’d go this big, Cupcake.”
Caitlyn blinked. “Go this big for…?”
“The proposal. The flowers. That love letter, calling me a spark.”
Oh gods. Oh no. That was Jayce’s. That was for Viktor. Oh gods oh no…. Wait!! Was Jayce Gay??? Irrelevant, focus on the case Caitlyn!!
“I…uh… thank you?” Caitlyn said, trying to gauge the situation.
Vi chuckled. “You’re welcome. I always thought you were shy, but hey, when you know, you know, right?”
Cait stared ahead, plopping a nervous smile onto her face.
I don’t know. I don’t know what’s happening. Am I engaged? Did I get married without realizing it? Was Jayce Gay??
Vi leaned forward. “So, is it dinner and dancing next? Or do you wanna skip straight to the honeymoon?”
Cait made a squeaky noise and fainted into the table face first. THUD!!!
LATER THAT DAY
Mylo stood proudly over his masterpiece.
A handwritten piece of paper that was painted to look ancient. It Read:
"The Sacred Tender Codex"
by Chef Mylo von Scamson the Third!!
Step 1: Take the chicken.
Step 2: Hold it by the legs and spin it around
Step 3: Now Soak it in applesauce
Step 4: Moonwalk around it while reciting the Bible backwards in Ionian
Step 5: Take it out and prepare a normal chicken tender.
If it doesn't taste the same, you messed up Step 4.
Claggor looked skeptical. “You sure this is gonna fool him?”
Mylo smirked. “The dude’s a muscle with legs. He’ll believe anything if you say it’s got ancient Zaunite roots. He'll be none the wiser and I'll be all the richer”
KNOCK-KNOCK
They both turned. “Oh he's here, put on your game face, Clag.”
They walked over and opened the door to see - Two Enforcers. Mylo went pale immediately.
One officer held up a note. “We’ve come to pick up a package for Councilor Jayce Talis. Said it was paid for already.”
Mylo shrieked like a bat and dropped the recipe. “Ahhem…. Please inform the respected Councilor Thomas”
Claggor: “Talis”
Mylo: “Talis… that the recipe will be delivered personally tomorrow”
The Enforcer looked unconvinced but they gave a nod and walked off. As soon as they were out of sight Mylo slammed the door shut.
“OH GODS WE SCAMMED A COUNCILOR!!”
Claggor yanked his face back. “Excuse me??? We?? That was all you!!”
“Clag!! Listen to me, brother. You gotta help me track down the fucker I sold that chain to.”
“Why would I do that?”
“I'll do all your chores for the next week.”
“Next two weeks.”
“One and a half.”
“Four weeks.”
“Aarrgg!! Done!!”
Dramatic transition Cut To: The Sewers
Mylo and Claggor trudged through the marketplace of Zaun.
“We gotta find that guy I sold the chain to,” Mylo muttered. “Get it back. Find a new lie and save ourselves.”
Claggor stared at him. “Yourself. Not Us.”
“Clag!! What the hell man?”
“Hey! You're the one who got yourself into this mess. I didn't ask you to try and scam a Councilor!!” Claggor said loudly.
Mylo gasped. “Keep it quiet!! Are you trying to get us arrested?”
Claggor, “Once again, not US. Just YOU.”
Eventually, they found the guy–Huck, a sewer merchant who sold and resold questionable stuff. Mylo approached, all charm and zero harm.
“Huck! Buddy! Pal! You’re looking… bilaterally symmetrical today.”
Huck squinted at him, unimpressed. “What do you want?”
“That chain I sold you? I, uh… kinda need it back.”
Huck smiled without any warmth. “Double what I paid.”
Mylo blinked. “That’s extortion!”
“No money, no merchandise,” Huck said simply, leaning back and picking at his teeth with his oddly pointy pinky finger.
Mylo stared. Then facepalmed. Then, in a dramatic flourish, dropped to his knees and crawled across the table like a soap opera villain mid-meltdown.
“Please, Huck! My life depends on that chain! My freedom! My dignity! My… Uh… My Left Kidney!! I have Badkidnititis!! And only that chain can save me!!”
Huck raised a brow as Mylo, in full performance mode, flopping on the counter like dying fish and latching onto him like cobwebs in a horror movie.
“I’m begging you, man,” Mylo sobbed. “I’ll name my first child Huck. I’ll tattoo your face on my ankle. I’ll…”
“Boys?” Huck called calmly.
Two giant thugs approached and unceremoniously peeled Mylo off the table and tossed him and Claggor out into the muck.
“You’ll regret this!” he shouted at Huck, pointing furiously as he stood up. “I trusted you! You betrayed me!!”
The door slammed shut.
Claggor dusted himself off. “Now what?”
Mylo straightened his hair with a sly grin. “Now? Now we go meet the Councilor.”
Claggor blinked. “With what? Your fake recipe?”
Mylo spun around dramatically, revealing the chain coiled around his fingers. “While I was crying like a betrayed lover… I was actually pulling off the heist of the century.”
Claggor’s jaw dropped. “You stole from Huck?”
“I prefer the term dispossessed discreetly.”
Claggor walked beside Mylo as he spun the chain on his fingertips. “Be careful! Just hold onto it…”
“Relax,” Mylo said, twirling the chain expertly. “Lady Luck rides with me.”
He flicked the chain up, flipping it into the air with a grin, hand open, ready for its triumphant return.
CHING–CLINK–clink…
He turned his head. The chain had landed square on a sewer grate. And then
BLOOP
That Night – Vi’s Bedroom
Powder was furious. She woke up early in the morning to find Vi taking care of Caitlyn Cannibal Kiramman. After all that she had tried to not let her into Vi’s life, the topsider somehow managed to do just that.
She had the gall to propose to Vi by wooing her with Flowers and then fainting when Vi said yes. Powder was 100% convinced that the bitch probably faked that so Vi would feel extra in love. But it was impossible to fool Powder.
Ekko, who was following Powder, was totally terrified by now. After the last two mishaps, he was genuinely concerned for the safety of his life now. Plans A & B only failed at the execution, but Plan C was destined to fail from the get go.
Because it detailed fabricating creepy messages and constructing creepier dolls to be planted in Vi’s room under the pretense of being from Caitlyn. And for her credit, Powder did manage to create some really disturbing and truly horrifying stuff. Anyone who saw them would definitely believe that whoever made it was a serial killer-cannibal.
Which wouldn’t have been a problem if Ekko didn’t see Powder make them by hand herself. It was the stuff of nightmares. “Powder, are you sure about this?”
“Oh please stop being such a pussy, Ekko, we aren’t doing anything wrong here, we are simply trying to save our sister from a dangerous person.”
Powder said as she placed the box on Vi’s Bed. “Okay, Now Let’s Go!!”
Tap-Tap-Tap
The footsteps of a 5’9” Zaunite with pink hair walking towards the room sent an alarm signal through the two of them. Powder and Ekko looked around in panic. “Aaah… Quick!! Under the Bed.”
They didn’t have much of a choice besides hiding in literally the dumbest hiding spot ever. They squeezed under the bed trying to stay as still as they could. Vi walked into her room to find the box on her bed.
“Huh?” She pulled it towards her and opened it.
Inside were four grotesque little dolls that resembled her, stitched from rags, plastic and pain. One was headless. One had her arms reversed. One was covered in glitter glue and had a tag that read FROM CAITLYN
Underneath was a letter that read:
“Your blood sings to me. I will make maracas with your ribcage. [smiley face] —C”
Vi stared. Then smiled.
“Aw,” she whispered. “She made me a gift!!.”
Powder who was so long grinning ear to ear suddenly stopped grinning. She rubbed her ears to make sure she heard it right.
Two Minutes Later….
Vi sat on her bed, stroking the decapitated head of a Vi doll lovingly.
“You get me,” she whispered. “You see me for who I really am.”
She picked up one letter which said “I will tie you up and make you beg for your life”
“Hmmm… So kinky… I’m gonna do things to you too, Cupcake. Terrible things. With maple syrup and a crowbar. You’ll love it.”
She ran a hand down the artwork on the card which Powder worked real hard to show Vi covered in something blood and Caitlyn licking it up.
“Oh yeah!! Just like that!! Lick up all that Hot Sauce!!”
Ekko and Powder laid face to face under the bed, listening helplessly.
Vi’s voice echoed through their bones.
“…and I’ll use the handle of the fryer and line it up and just….mmm….and the sauce will be everywhere… and we will lick all of it up together.”
Ekko had his index fingers knuckle deep inside his ears.
Powder was desperately trying to not vomit. “I think She’s making out with one of them!”
Ekko leaned away and gagged. “I don’t deserve this, man!”
Powder held her mouth shut, “You don’t? Think about what’s going on in my head.”
Vi read out yet another of the letters, “I can’t wait to eat you alive Violet.”
“AAAAAHHH…. Cupcake… Tomorrow, The Undercity is gonna Eat you alive” Vi said with a tone and inflection that made the people under her bed shake in fear. Powder wiped her sweat off from her forehead, trembling. “She’s too far gone.”
Meanwhile, Across the City….
Jayce was sipping tea, completely unaware that his love letter to Viktor had just gotten Caitlyn engaged to the girl he knew as “Why Knot”.
He looked at the Undercity. “I hope Cait delivered that box properly.”
NEXT DAY
Evening settled over Zaun like a Winter time fog. The ocean lapped against the base of the pier, waves cycling in perfect harmony. Caitlyn shifted in her seat, heart drumming in her chest like it hadn’t quite decided if this was a date or an interrogation.
Before coming here, she’d brushed her hair twice, changed outfits three times to find the best one, and dabbed perfume on the back of her neck, in case something intimate happened, even though she’d told herself this ‘date’ was purely for information-gathering.
And, in her defence, how many moles Vi has on her body was also information just as important as chicken tender recipe.
Vi, by contrast, looked like she’d just rolled in from a rooftop chase and smelled faintly of smoke and flour. But she smiled across the table, that lopsided, disarming grin that Caitlyn absolutely did not find charming. Okay, maybe a little charming. Okay, maybe it was the most beautiful thing she has ever seen ever, in the history of ever.
“Nice spot, huh?” Vi said, flicking her hair around all cool like, “Figured you’d like the water. You seem like the kind of girl who likes a spot where it’s easy to kidnap someone.”
Caitlyn gave a polite laugh. It came out too high.
“Very scenic,” she said. “You know, in a disturbing sort of way.”
Vi smirked. “You’re nervous.”
“I’m not.” Oh my God, she sees right through me.
“You are.” Oh my God, she must be thinking about all the things she would do to me.
Cait took a breath. This was fine. She could handle a dinner. She could steer the conversation back to the real reason she was here. Get the recipe. Leave with her pride intact. And maybe not faint again if Vi tries to kiss her.
Below the Pier – Sewer Level
Water trickled through the tunnels like a lazy stream. The sound of the waves crashing against the pipes on the outside flooded the pipe. Mylo dragged himself along in the sludge, clutching a flashlight and muttering to himself like a cursed pirate.
“The chain has gotta be right there, Claggor. I saw it. Just dangling like, like gold fruit. Golden fruit that belongs to me.”
“Jayce’s chain,” Claggor corrected gently, wading behind him through shin-high filth.
“Yes, technically, and…” Mylo snapped. “...Once I hand it back, the Councilor will forgive everything. The recipe. The lies. All of it.”
Claggor didn’t argue. He was too focused on not vomiting.
Back on the Pier – Roof of the Maintenance Shed
Powder tightened the last screw on her Firework Launcher 3000 (trademark pending), goggles slipping down her nose as she leaned in to check the charge meter. The thing was comically large: six barrels, a shimmer fuel tank she borrowed (stole) from Silco, a cracked digital screen that had a monkey that said “KABOOOM” occasionally.
“You really think this is a good idea?” Ekko asked, holding the tangled remote.
Powder grinned. “Of course not. That’s what makes it brilliant.”
She squinted down at the table below, where Cait and Vi sat talking, laughing.
It made her stomach churn.
“She’s too... smug,” Powder muttered. “She doesn’t deserve Vi.”
Ekko glanced at her. “Can I please understand what exactly is the problem with her?”
Powder didn’t answer. Instead, she loaded the canon, aiming it carefully at the table.
“I’m going to ruin this moment so hard it retroactively destroys their meet-cute.”
Ekko whispered under his breath “Or Vi spanks you for ruining her chance.”
“What did you say??”
“I said Vi thanks you for saving her ass.”
“HEheheheHE… Yeah, she will.”
At the Table….
“Out of curiosity,” Cait said, trying to sound casual, “is your family very… secretive?”
Vi raised an eyebrow. “Why? Is someone spreading rumours about us? I can assure Powder is not running a secret cult.”
Cait coughed. “No, I mean. It’s just that there’s a lot of mystery around your tenders. People talk. And some say it’s a super ancient recipe that’s a family secret”
Vi leaned forward, elbows on the table, close enough that Cait’s brain stopped functioning correctly and went into reboot mode.
“I’ll tell you the truth,” Vi said in a whisper. “The recipe’s ancient. Passed down from my great-great-grandma, who once punched a rooster so hard it spontaneously combusted and transformed into Chicken tenders.”
Cait’s eyes widened. Her brain was still rebooting from Vi’s sudden proximity so she more or less believed it whole and was already planning on buying a rooster farm to start punching them.
Cait let out a stunned little breath. “You’re joking.”
Vi shrugged. “I could show you if you want.”
There was a strange warmth in that promise. It lodged in Caitlyn’s chest like something sweet and dangerous. She didn’t notice the quiet CLINK of metal nearby.
At That Precise Moment, Behind a nearby bush, Powder was setting up her Firecracker cannon. She placed it such that it fired a volley directly onto Caitlyn.
But just as she hit the BIG RED BUTTON labelled BIG BOOM MAKER Mylo shoved up a rusted manhole, grunting with effort, and coincidentally, Powder had placed the front leg of her cannon's tripod on that particular manhole cover.
“Light!, FINALLY” Mylo cried. The manhole rose, just enough to nudge Powder’s firework cannon out of alignment.
The launcher tilted up.
Powder yelped. “No no no…..!”
THWOOOSH!
BOOM!!
A flare of color exploded into the sky. Red. Blue. Multi Coloured hearts and sparks that lit up the nascent night sky.
Caitlyn was startled. Vi stared at the fireworks with wide eyes, the light reflected in her lashes, in her smile. And for a moment, Cait forgot the mission. Forgot the recipe. Forgot her plan.
She just… leaned in. And Vi met her halfway. The kiss was soft. Not careful or clumsy or calculated, just perfect. And she didn’t faint.
FEW SECONDS LATER….
The kiss had just broken. The sky still glowed with streaks of firework smoke, faint crackles echoing into the distance. Caitlyn was frozen. Vi was smiling. And behind them,
CLANG.
CLANG.
THUMP.
BOOOM!!!
Vi whipped around, She saw a mini fireball erupt from a bush nearby, She walked over to it only to find Powder and Ekko tangled in wires and covered in soot and ash, Claggor hoisting a soaked Mylo over his shoulder like a fireman. Along with the smoking exploded remains of what looked like one of Powder’s gadgets.
Inside the Last Drop – Later That Night
Everyone had crammed into the corner booth: Powder sulking like a grounded gremlin, Ekko nursing a scraped elbow, Jayce sipping hot tea, Cait sitting beside Vi with her arms crossed and cheeks red. Mylo, face pale and wet from sewer water and sweat, lay flopped dramatically on Claggor’s lap, fanning himself with a bar napkin.
Vi folded her arms.
“Alright. Powder. Want to explain what exactly you were doing firing fireworks at my date and leaving serial killer dolls in my bedroom?”
Powder huffed. “OH SO NOW YOU THINK THOSE ARE CREEPY!! GEE THANK YOU SIS!! I was trying to protect you.”
Vi raised a brow. “Protect me? From what??”
Powder pointed a dramatic finger at Caitlyn. “From her! I don’t trust her!!”
Vi was really angry at that. But before she could transform herself into a 1930’s steam whistle, Caitlyn spoke up. “She’s… not wrong. The truth is I was only here for your secret family recipe.”
The table went silent. Even the rats in the kitchen seemed to pause and walk over to hear what was going on. Then Vi burst out laughing so hard she almost knocked over the table.
Caitlyn blinked. “There is no secret recipe!” Vi said between laughs. “Nah, it’s just black pepper, turmeric and masala.”
Cait’s face went from red to crimson. “You’re joking.”
“Nope. I swear to God it's just that. There is no secret recipe, or 11 herbs and spices.”
Jayce turned slowly to look at Mylo. Mylo stiffened, sensing the shift in atmosphere. Jayce spoke, voice calm and sweet and also murderous somehow, “You told me it was a sacred ancestral marinade or something!! You made it seem like it was a stuff of myth. You mean to tell me you made it all up?”
Mylo gulped. “In fairness, all myths are made up.”
“I gave you my chain to get the recipe.”
“About that,” Mylo wheezed, pulling it from his pocket, soaked and tarnished. “You can have it back.”
Jayce examined it. “Why does it smell of shit?”
“Some idiot threw it in the sewer, but I got it back for you. Can’t let a precious golden heirloom be lost, you know.”
“Precious? Golden?” he said flatly. “Mylo this chain is stainless steel. It’s not Gold. I just lied to you.”
Mylo fainted on the spot. Claggor caught him with practiced ease and kept fanning.
Jayce turned to Vi. “So… what about Last Drop shutting down?”
Vi blinked. “Who told you that?”
Jayce looked at Mylo, who pretended to faint extra hard. “He told me this week was the last time you’d be serving chicken tenders!”
Vi snorted. “Yeah, from this location. I’m opening a restaurant! Like, with tables and a menu and no drunken arm-wrestling contests in the background. We’re just moving.”
A long silence. Caitlyn and Jayce stared at each other. Vi chuckled and pointed above Caitlyn’s usual spy-table by the window. Mounted on the wall was a large wooden sign:
"WE'RE MOVING! GRAND OPENING: THE SECOND LAST DROP!"
Vi grinned. “You mean to tell me you sat under that sign every single day and never noticed it. Heck there was a similar sign on the construction site of THE SECOND LAST DROP where you used to stalk me, you even hid behind it one time.”
Caitlyn rubbed her temples. She thought about that time she doused herself in tap water because of forgetting to read a warning sign, and now this one as well. “I hate myself.”
Epilogue: The Second Last Drop
The ribbon was red. The scissors were gold. Jayce had insisted. Outside the brand-new sign board of “The Second Last Drop” shone bright and below it, a crowd had gathered. Vi stood proudly in her new uniform, crisp apron, black gloves and a chef's hat, all accented by a black spiked leather jacket and spiked choker. She looked like a mix between a chef and an emo rockstar.
“Alright,” she called out. “We’re open for business!”
Caitlyn stepped up with the scissors. “Do I really have to… ?”
“You’re the fiancée,” Vi said. “It’s symbolic.”
Jayce, beside her, gave a thumbs up. “Don’t mess it up. You can do it.”
Powder leaned over to Ekko. “I still think I should’ve cut the ribbon with the firework launcher 2.0”
Ekko shoved a juice box in her hand. “Please don’t.”
The scissors snipped and the crowd cheered. And thus ends the story of how Caitlyn Kiramman secured both the Chicken tenders and The chef who made them.
THE END….