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“I don’t know why I’m nervous,” Phil says, cursor hovering over the upload button. “It’s not like they don’t know.”
Dan hums, curling an arm around his waist, resting his chin on Phil’s shoulder. He had asked a thousand times if Phil was really sure about Dan talking about them, had even let him be the first to read part of the draft before he’d even sent bits of it off to Hector to illustrate his life in bright rainbow. Phil had said again and again that it didn’t matter, that it was more important for Dan to feel like he could tell the full story.
It seems like it might matter more than he wants Dan to think. “Doesn’t matter what they know,” he says, kissing the skin behind Phil’s ear. “It’s your life.”
“It’s not even ten minutes, it’s like a quarter of what yours was. What if they’re disappointed?”
Phil is shaking, Dan realizes, a small tremor in his hands on the mouse, and that simply won’t do. He slides around the front of Phil, fitting himself neatly between him and the computer, and takes one of his shaking hands. He brings it up to his mouth as though to kiss it, and at the last moment sticks out his tongue and licks a long stripe along Phil’s soft skin. “Ahh! Get off!” Phil shrieks, slapping at him, and as he flails backwards in his rolling chair Dan grabs at his face and licks his cheek. “You are a menace!”
“Oh, come off it, you know you love it,” Dan says, grinning, reeling Phil in by the chair’s armrests. Phil pouts and rolls his eyes.
“Okay, Mr. Actual Soulmates,” Phil says. He looks so pretty from this angle, all big blue eyes and hair flopping in his eyes, that Dan crumbles. He leans down to kiss him very gently, sliding a hand through his dark hair.
“Yeah, I suppose I did say that,” he whispers into Phil’s mouth. He’s never had quite the words to describe what Phil has meant to him this last decade, his lover, his best friend. Words fall flat in the face of Phil. He’s never had to describe it in so many words, because Phil knows without him saying. “They’re not going to be disappointed in you,” he promises, rubbing gently at the yellowing bruise on Phil’s leg where he had slammed it in the closet door. “You get to say it whatever way you want.”
Phil tips his forehead forward to rest against Dan’s, eyes closed. Dan just lets him sit like that, breathing the same air for a long moment. He’s given Dan a very respectable two weeks in the spotlight, which he appreciates. He lets Dan take the lead, mostly, because he cares a little less about all this, but this is important, too. Of course it is. He wants Phil to have his own moment, in his own way. Separate from Dan, and what everyone has long suspected and he has now all but confirmed. “It just feels important,” he says quietly.
“A step forward, right?” Dan asks. “Together.” Phil smiles, tangling their fingers together.
“Yeah,” he sighs, kissing Dan’s knuckles.
“I’m proud of you, you know?” Phil snorts, rolling his eyes. Deflecting. “I am,” Dan says firmly. “I’m proud of every video, but this one especially.” Phil is his favorite person ever, and he’s never been able to hide exactly how he feels around him. Phil trash number one, indeed.
“I’m proud fo you,” Phil mumbles. Dan grins, sliding out of the way and pushing Phil towards the desk.
“Upload the video,” he says, leaning over Phil’s shoulder, “so I can take you upstairs and blow you.”
Phil bursts out laughing, but he clicks the button before turning to face Dan. No sex in the downstairs apartment isn’t a hard and fast rule, but it always feels weird doing it in the filming rooms. No, Dan’s going to take him up to their room- the one they share, the one that’s not on camera. Not much, at least. It’s not a forever home, but he thinks the bit of distance has been good for them. He’s impatient for the house to be finished, but they’re making do. They always do.