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Peter opened his locker the next morning and found a sleek black garment bag hanging inside.
He stared at it like it might explode.
Attached was a note, written in Mr. Stark’s aggressively neat handwriting:
‘You said you wanted to blend in. Here's your starter kit, Subway Couture Edition. – T.S.’
Peter unzipped it cautiously, revealing a hoodie, jeans, and sneakers. At first glance, it looked like your average mall outfit.
Then he saw the labels.
- Hoodie: Fear of God Essentials
- Jeans: Rag & Bone
- Sneakers: Off-White x Nike
“Mr. Stark,” Peter muttered, “This is not normal. This is fashion Tumblr in 2017.”
---
“Hey,” MJ said as she sat down next to him in AP Government. “You look less like you’re about to be scouted by Balenciaga today.”
“Thanks,” Peter muttered. “It’s… low-key designer now.”
“Define ‘low-key,’” Ned said, spinning around in his chair.
Peter sighed. “Mr. Stark said it was a ‘starter kit.’ This hoodie costs more than my Aunt May’s rent.”
MJ snorted. “So, you’re saying Tony Stark built a stylist wardrobe in a cave. With a box of scraps.”
“Basically.”
Flash walked by again and did a double take. “Parker. Did you get sponsored?”
Peter buried his face in his book.
Flash narrowed his eyes. “What’s going on? You don’t have money. Did you win a contest? Or sell a kidney?”
“I didn’t do anything,” Peter groaned. “I just have… a mentor. Who doesn’t understand the concept of thrift stores.”
Flash squinted. “Wait. Wait. Is it Stark?”
Peter flinched.
Flash’s eyes bulged. “IT IS. Oh my god. You’re Stark’s ward ! You’re like a fancy orphan now!”
“Please stop saying words,” Peter begged.
MJ looked delighted. “This is better than that time Flash thought he got recruited by S.H.I.E.L.D. because he saw a black SUV.”
---
Tony leaned back in his chair, sipping coffee, and watching the security feed FRIDAY hacked, into Midtown High’s hallway monitors.
“I swear, it’s like free reality TV,” he muttered.
Pepper walked by, glanced at the screen, and raised an eyebrow. “You’re stalking your pseudo-son again.”
Tony grinned. “Not stalking. Monitoring. Parental investment.”
Pepper looked at the paused frame: Peter ducking into his locker as Flash pointed accusingly and MJ looked like she was about to start a conspiracy board.
“This won’t end in a school-wide economic panic?”
“I give it two more days before Peter breaks and begs me for actual Walmart clothes.”
Pepper smirked. “Put him in Thom Browne sweatpants next.”
“You’re evil,” Tony said. “I love it.”
---
Peter opened his backpack and found a new *note*.
‘Day 2 of Operation Normie: Bonus Points if you actually use the enclosed AirPods. – T.S.’
Peter nearly screamed. “HE PUT AIRPODS IN MY BACKPACK. Who just— sneaks designer tech into someone’s bag?!”
“Is this... what privilege feels like?” Ned whispered.
MJ peered into the bag. “You could pawn those and pay for our senior trip.”
Peter looked up, half-horrified, half-panicking. “I need to make it stop.”
---
Cue: Peter Parker's Very Serious Plan
Step 1: Politely ask Tony to chill.
Step 2: When that fails, emotionally guilt him into stopping.
Step 3: If that fails, fake a tragic hoodie-related injury.
---
Peter stormed into the penthouse.
“Mr. Stark,” he said, hands on hips, “We need to talk about the… the fashion assault you’re committing.”
Tony barely looked up from his tablet. “You looked good today. Hoodie was fire.”
“It was eight hundred dollars!”
Tony shrugged. “I’ve spent more on paperweights.”
Peter’s voice cracked. “I’m getting rumours started about being in an elite prep program for gifted rich kids. Flash tried to friend me on LinkedIn!”
Tony raised his eyebrows. “LinkedIn? That’s weird even for him.”
“I just want to be normal Mr. Stark.”
Tony sighed, then stood up and looked Peter over. “Kid, I get it. I really do. You want to fly under the radar. But whether you like it or not, you’re not normal. You’re a genius, a hero, and occasionally? A very stylish lab rat.”
Peter blinked. “That’s not comforting.”
Tony clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Okay. Compromise. You wear what you want. But I’m putting a tracker in your sneakers. And maybe a tiny hologram in your glasses.”
Peter groaned. “Fine. Deal. But if you send me anything with the word ‘couture’ again, I’m moving to Canada.”
---
Peter returned to Midtown in his favourite hoodie (actually from Target), and everyone slowly calmed down. The rumours faded. Flash got distracted by a new conspiracy theory about the lunch lady being Hydra.
MJ leaned in and smirked. “You know, you could’ve milked the rich-kid angle for weeks.”
Peter smiled. “Yeah, but then I’d owe Tony a fashion show. And I don’t think I’m ready for Vogue: Queens Edition.”
Ned nodded solemnly. “RIP to the most stylish week Midtown’s ever seen.”
Peter rolled his eyes. “Good. Let it die.”
And somewhere, in a tower above the city, Tony Stark watched from a monitor and smirked.
“Next time, kid,” he said, sipping coffee. “Next time it’s Gucci slides.”