Work Text:
Peter stepped into the lab and immediately froze.
On the table sat a stack of papers with the words:
CALVIN KLEIN | STARK INDUSTRIES | 2025 MEN’S CAMPAIGN
Peter stared at Tony, who was leaning casually on the counter with a smug expression and a protein shake.
“No,” Peter said instantly.
“Yes,” Tony said.
“I will literally jump off this building.”
“You’ve done that before. This time, you’ll do it in boxer-briefs.”
---
Tony folded his arms. “Listen. They want you. Not me. Not even the suit. Just Parker, plain and simple. No tech. No gadgets. Just abs and awkward charm.”
“I don't have abs!”
“You have exactly 4.5 abs and the bones of a tragic Renaissance statue. That’s the aesthetic.”
“I’m a teenager.”
“You’re 18 in four weeks.”
“I still say no! I refuse to be known as the Calvin Klein kid!”
Tony raised an eyebrow. “You’d be wearing Stark-Tech CompressionWear. It’s technically research.”
Peter blinked. “You’re making me model experimental underwear?”
Tony smirked. “It’s called SCIENCE.”
---
Ned: guys. it's happening. calvin klein. peter. shirtless. this is real life.
MJ: I haven’t prayed in five years but I’m lighting a candle.
Flash: this is FAKED. DEEPFAKE. no way nerd parker has a body like that.
MJ: oh honey. you’re in denial and I’m in heaven.
---
Peter stepped into the private shoot studio looking like he was heading to a funeral.
Tony, sunglasses on indoors, was lounging in the corner with a smoothie.
The Calvin Klein team swarmed him with tape measures, lighting tests, and gentle cooing over his “reluctant vulnerability.”
“They keep calling me 'aesthetic pain',” Peter muttered. “Should I be worried?”
“Own it,” Tony said. “You’re a walking Tumblr post.”
They handed Peter a set of sleek black compression shorts. The moment he saw them, he turned bright red.
“Absolutely not.”
“You’re doing it,” Tony said, sipping his espresso. “This is your villain origin story.”
---
The first shots were shirtless. Peter stood against a blank wall, face tilted slightly down, messy hair, eyes up.
The photographer whispered: “Think... brooding soldier. Think: ‘I watched my city fall.’”
Peter rolled his eyes. “I literally have watched my city fall!”
Click. Click. Click.
“Perfect,” they breathed. “Now lose the pants.”
“WHAT.”
Tony sniggered. “It’s Calvin Klein, kid. You gotta commit.”
Peter stood in black boxer-briefs, arms crossed over his stomach, trying to disappear. The stylist handed him a Stark-branded hoodie to wear half-on, half-off his shoulder.
“Now look like you have secrets,” the director said.
“I do have secrets!”
“Even better.”
---
MJ opened Instagram. Froze. Stared.
There it was.
The first campaign image.
Peter.
Shirtless.
Wearing only sleek black boxer-briefs and a half-draped Stark hoodie.
“The future wears confidence. Peter Parker for Calvin Klein.”
MJ dropped her phone. “Oh no.”
Ned looked up. “What happened?”
She just whispered, “I can never look him in the eyes again.”
---
@mcu_thirstcore: peter parker in calvin klein is the exact reason the roman empire fell
@femtechrebels: he’s got trauma, a hoodie, and thighs that could power the grid. I’m unwell.
@flash_thompson_official: ok wait. is parker like… ripped???
@itsjustflashagain: follow me for shirtless calvin energy and gym routines. also: I knew parker before he was hot.
---
Peter showed up to school wearing two hoodies. No eye contact. Hood up. Face down.
Students stared. Whispered. Some clutched magazines.
Someone played the Top Gun soundtrack on a Bluetooth speaker.
Flash walked up, slack-jawed. “Bro. Are you a fitness model now?”
Peter mumbled, “I didn’t mean to be.”
MJ stood across the hallway like she was watching an eclipse. Dangerous. Awe-inspiring. Potentially blinding.
“You okay?” Ned whispered.
MJ didn’t blink. “He has lines. Like actual hip bones. I thought that was a Photoshop setting.”
---
Peter burst into Tony’s office.
“NO MORE. That’s it. I am done. No more editorials, no more abs, no more sculpted lighting!”
Tony calmly flipped a magazine.
“Why are you even reading that? It’s me in my underwear!”
“Exactly. Proud dad moment.”
Peter groaned. “I just wanted to be a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. Not a thirst trap!”
Tony raised an eyebrow. “So no to the Prada fragrance campaign?”
Peter screamed into a couch cushion.