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Chapter Text

Eddie secretly loved the theater.  His dad was a huge thespian and loved performing.  His childhood memories were populated with lavish theaters, dazzling performances and captivating ballads.  The theater became a second home and a place of safety.  He memorized shows like Phantom of the Opera and Rent and Hadestown (Orpheus was the real reason he picked up the guitar in the first place).  He was obsessed with musicals that were outside of the convention - especially those with characters he resonated with.  He was a social outcast, after all, and there are plenty of characters who share that with him.  

The musical Jagged Little Pill - based on the Alanis Morrisette album of the same name - was his intro into rock music.  He was instantly captured by it along with the heartbreaking story.  But the music stuck.  That was when he began to delve into other types of music, specifically metal.  He branched off from musical theater around the time his dad started to go off the rails. 

His dad, Alan Munson, had always been on the eccentric side.  He talked in movie and show quotes, would sing in public, and was a general embarrassment to any pre-teen ever.  But it was always innocent and harmless.  Then he started to become eccentric in a new and scary way.  Obsessive in an unhealthy manner, a hoarder, and had catastrophic mood swings.  Eddie began to have to tip-toe around his dad, learning to be invisible and quiet when he needed to.  Eddie’s dad was never violent but he had explosive outbursts that rattled the frame of the house.  Shortly after this was normalized in their home, his mother left.  It’d been a long time coming but it hurt nonetheless.  Eddie never liked his mother much but her absence left everything up to himself.

Eddie became the sole provider in her absence.  His dad seemed to have never matured and learned to do ‘adult things’ including, but not limited to, filing taxes, creating a budget, ensuring they had meals throughout the week, providing for his fuckin’ son.  His mother used to handle all that, being the responsible one, but once she left Munson senior was clueless.  Eddie learned how to do it all - and all on his own.  He became independent and grew up much faster than any kid needed to.  Teachers and parents alike would comment on his maturity to Eddie’s proud smile, but the stress weighed on him.  

Eddie got good at the lying and the pretending and handling his own school work alongside all the other things he had to do on top of walking on eggshells around his own ghost of a father.  But not good enough apparently.  The stress became too much and, during a test in seventh grade, Eddie broke down.  Silently, trying not to disturb his classmates, tears cascaded down his small face and his body shook.  His teacher ushered him outside upon seeing the small boy in distress.

“Hey, Edward, what’s wrong?  Was the test too hard? You can talk to me.”

He couldn’t respond.  How could he explain that for the past 4 years he had been playing the role of kid and adult?  How could he explain that he loved and hated his dad and that he couldn’t stand being around him but would cry when he’d inexplicably disappear for hours or days.  Would she even believe him?  Would she even care?

When he wouldn’t respond the teacher walked him to the school counselor's office.  She explained what happened and then left him with some woman he’d never seen before.  She was young with bright eyes.  She smiled down at him like he actually mattered.  This just reinvigorated his tears, realizing that he felt more seen and cared for by a random lady than his own dad.  

She walked over to the small boy, her expression changing to that of a worried but ultimately calm look.  She sat beside him and walked him through how to slow his breathing and ground himself.  Eddie followed along, inexplicably trusting this woman.

“Hey there, my name is Naomi.  I’m here for you.  If you want to talk, we can talk.  If you want to sit and just hang out, we can do that too.  I also have board games, if you’d like.  It’s up to you.”  She said in a sweet tone.  He felt a pang at the kindness, missing when his dad used to use that same sweet tone before so much happened.  

“I-” He began, throat hoarse,”I’d like to just sit.”

She smiled that same warm grin and sat back, at ease.  The two sat there for a long time, a comfortable silence stretching between them. 

This ritual continued weekly for the rest of that school year.  He’d come in, sometimes he’d talk about his day, sometimes he’d just enjoy the peace of the calm atmosphere.  It helped for a while.  But nothing seemed to be able to be simple and easy for Eddie.  His presence seemed to jinx those around him.

~~~

Eddie’s alarm was “Symphony Of Destruction” by Megadeth.  He really liked it as a wake up song because the opening felt like a call-back to his childhood with the gradual strings and orchestral sound leading into the beat drop.  It was like a perfect meld of his worlds that was loud enough to actually reach his subconscious mind.

He was not a morning person.  The whole song played through before he even considered getting out of bed.  It was just so warm and nice, why would he ever want to venture into the cold, tiled hallway.  

Once he did finally convince himself to ditch his perfect, amazing bed, he began to cycle through his daily routine: 

1. Say “good morning” to his guitar and give her a little kiss.
2. Put on a pair of socks so he can walk into the bathroom without having to experience the full force of cold morning-tiles.
3. Shower to wake himself up fully (not with socks on, obviously).
4. Get dressed.  Something layered and way too hot for the end of the school year in which it already feels like summer.
5. Brush teeth.
6. Pack bag (AKA throw everything in there haphazardly, hoping nothing important gets crushed).
7. Make breakfast for himself and his dad.
8. Check on dad, make sure he is still breathing.
9. Catch the bus to school.

By the time he made it to “7. Make breakfast” he knew something was wrong.  When this step came around one of two things would always happen. One, old Alan Munson would smell the bacon and come shuffling out, looking like he’d been hit with a car, or two, Eddie would find a note on the fridge explaining that he wouldn’t be there.  Neither happened.  But that’s ok because this has happened a few times to Eddie, his dad was no man of consistency.  Sometimes he had a really late night and was just dead asleep.  Sometimes he forgets to leave a note explaining where he went.  But something just felt off to Eddie.  No matter, he finished scrambling the eggs and ate standing next to the stove, leaning against the counter in the small kitchen.  No use in sitting down for five minutes just to eat.

Then Eddie reached “8. Check on dad”.  As per usual, Eddie rinsed on his plate and put it in the sink.  He then made the trek to the other end of the house to his dad’s room.  And Eddie’s irrational fears proved not as irrational as he thought. 

Eddie screamed .  There was his father, slumped against the bed, pills scattered across the sheets.  There were smatterings of blood all over the stark white linens.  The room itself was a mess, books and papers and furniture displaced and chaotically skewed.

He was frozen standing there.  He could do nothing but stare, heartbeat thudding painfully in his head.  His breathing was rapid and uncontrollable, something else taking over his body and erratically squeezing his lungs and heart and head and everything was both numb and painful.  His vision blurred.  Then his heart hit the wall and it all went dark.

~~~

“CALL THE PARAMEDICS!”  Rang through the fuzzy darkness. 

Eddie didn’t want to open his eyes.  He couldn’t quite remember the morning but what he did remember was that something happened and it wasn’t good.  If it wasn’t good he didn’t want to remember it.

A closer voice now.  “Hey, son, can you hear me?  Are you awake?”

He nodded yes, restarting a thudding headache he vaguely remembers having.  He could hear rushing and one spot of his head was especially thudding.  The thudding seemed to emanate from there.  He then heard a slurry of shouting about various things with some choice phrases that hid a darker meaning.  Phrases like “too much” and “mental state” and “not responding”.  His intrigue overpowered his refusal to look.  He opened his eyes.  Everything was too loud, too bright, and too painful.  

He could now see the man asking all the questions.  He was wearing some kind of one piece uniform.  “Your name is Eddie, right?  Alan Munson’s son?”  The man said. 

Eddie didn’t feel like speaking so he nodded again.  That was almost worse, though, the thudding seemed to be everywhere sending painful stabs into his brain.  But that was the moment he realized where he was and he recalled what happened the moment before.  His dad, the pills, the blood.  He began to cry.  His entire body tensed with each sob as it was painful but unstoppable.  This loop of trying to stop crying but his all-body breakdown making it impossible and also it being painful and making him want to stop but replaying the moment he walked into the room in front of him.  He hadn’t moved.  His view was obscured by various people in the same uniform but he could still see the blood and parts of the person he once went with to the theater.  The man who once cracked jokes about Waitress at a diner at midnight after seeing the show.  The man who bought him his guitar and taught him all that he knows.  

He turned away, crawling on all fours slowly down the hallway, hounded by the man who was asking him questions.  The rushing took over now and it was all he could hear.  He didn’t stop until the man manhandled him to his feet.  They then made their way outside, Eddie not being of much help.  He was always a burden anyways, why not lean into it?

The cold air was refreshing.  It took his tired brain’s attention away from the thudding and the rushing and the memories and the pain.  The man was saying something and then doing something but what’s the point in listening when his entire world fell apart in front of him.  A normal morning spiralling into a nightmare of his worst fears.

That was the point when everything became numb from that day on.

Chapter Text

Wayne Munson was the most patient person Eddie had ever met.  But, he, unfortunately, looked exactly like his own father.  Eddie couldn’t stand being around him because all he could think of was old happy memories that turned sour after that fateful day.  He did all he could ot be out of the house when Wayne was and, fortunately, it was fairly easy given that Wayne worked the night shift.  On weekends, though, he’d make up excuses about meeting up with friends or some other bullshit to keep him away from that reminder of a human being. 

Eighth grade was the hardest year for him.  He’d just moved in with his Uncle in Hawkins, he was the new kid, and every kid seemed to have some tragic and wild story about why he was suddenly here.  He distanced himself.  Can’t be abandoned if you were never close to begin with. 

The most stark and frustrating thing was the muffler that’d been put over all emotions after that day.  He used to feel the high highs and low lows of life with ease but now?  Everything was a dull middle ground.  It’s like all the colors of life were no longer distinguishable from one another and now just a muddy mix of brown.  He aced a test at school?  Brown.  He was called slurs in the hallway?  Brown.  He was praised by a teacher?  Brown.  He was beat up behind the school?  Brown.  

There was relief but also anger.  He wanted to feel fully again.  Whilst some days it was nice that he didn’t feel the weight of being so alone day after day, others he just wanted to experience some sort of something when he did well or when he watched an especially heartwarming movie.  But no.  That’s when he found Wayne’s unused swiss army knife in some junk drawer.  It was small and could fold down and be inconspicuous.  It was perfect.

At first he didn’t do anything with it.  It was more of a safety net.  It was the reassurance that if it got really bad, he could do something about it and feel something again.  But then it was him constantly keeping it in his pocket and thinking about what relief it would bring.  And that turned into the first cut.  Just a little score on his upper arm where he could hide it best.  It stung and hurt and it felt good.  He felt the entire blade and it was something rather than nothing and that was beautiful.  

This went on and on and Wayne noticed he would wear more long sleeves and avoid him more if that was possible.  Wayne also noticed the sudden absence of his knife.  All the while Eddie became reliant.  He needed it with him everywhere.  That knife never left his site.  It got so bad that he would ask to go to the bathroom at school only to add a few more cuts down his arm.  It was almost like an addiction, the way he used and abused the thing.

During one of these bathroom trips he bumped into a boy upon leaving the stall.  Eddie, thinking no one was in the bathroom, carelessly decided to open the stall before he’d rolled the sleeve of his shirt back down and the other boy saw it in its entirety.  The two stood there in awkward silence for a moment.

The other spoke first, “Dude, are you ok?”

“I’m fine.”

And he hightailed out of there.  He probably wasn’t being genuine anyway, he reasoned with himself.  No one asked that question and actually expected a real answer.  It was just a formality people perpetuated so that they aren’t considered assholes. 

Eddie made it back to class without further formalities.

~~~

He hated lunch.  He believed that it was purely a social event disguised by food.  Eddie had found his lunch spot at the beginning of the year: A small picnic bench in a little clearing in the woods lining the back of the high school.  It was away from everyone else and anyone who did know about it were in high school and had better things to do.  It was his spot .  

But this idiot from the bathroom had to fuck that up, too.  This guy followed Eddie from the middle school to his spot, trailing enough behind that, with his walkman on, the leader had no idea he was one.  It was only when Eddie sat down that he saw the boy in the trees, apprehensively stalking him.  

“This spot is invite only, you aren’t welcome,” Eddie blatantly states.

A moment passed and then, “Why do you do it?”

“Why do you breathe air?” he retorted.

He steps closer into the clearing, disregarding the stare boring into him from across the table.  “Why do you do it?”

“I don’t even know who you are, how do you possibly expect me to open up if I don’t know your name?”

He considered.  “My name's Gareth.  What’s yours?”

“Eddie.”

“You’re in my science class.”

Eddie laughs a bit at the triviality.  “Sorry for not noticing you, oh chivalrous knight in shining armor.”

This prompts Gareth to also laugh.  “No, it’s ok.  I never really did notice you either.  You’re pretty quiet.”  He pauses.  “You’re the new kid, right?”

“Yup.  All unknown and mysterious.”

The other boy seems to relax more and more as they talk.  Gareth had noticed Eddie before but honestly was a little scared of him.  Always alone, always at the back of the class, always getting bad grades, and always going to the bathroom.  But Eddie wasn’t scary, he found, Eddie was easygoing and quirky.  They sat there for a while discussing all sorts of things and discovering that they were actually a lot more alike than either knew.  Eddie and Gareth both loved The Hobbit and that led to Gareth bringing up his favorite thing ever: Dungeons and Dragons.  

“Dungeons and Dragons?  Sounds kinda boring if it’s just dungeons and dragons.  It would get repetitive.

“No no no!  It’s awesome.  Trust me.” He gave a knowing smile.  “Me and my friends are in the middle of a campaign right now but you can come with me this weekend and you can learn by watching.  It’s really simple once you get the hang of it.”

Eddie hesitated.  He didn’t want to crash their game - he didn’t even know them.  “You sure I’d be ok to join?”

“Of course!”

And that weekend turned into a month of weekends turned into a year of weekends.  He got to know Gareth’s friends - Jeff and Doug - of whom were kind and weird, similarly to Gareth.  He began to feel ok with their companionship and enjoyed their company.  Faking going to friend’s houses on the weekends turned into actually going and having a blast.  They fought together, they died together, they rejoiced together, and they commiserated together.  Eddie was actually happy.

Wayne noticed the sudden change in his nephew’s mood.  He smiled when he heard Eddie mention his new-found friends and whatever monster they’d fought and defeated that week (although he didn’t understand a lick of what the boy was spouting about “nat 20s” and “saving throws”).  But his knife never returned to that dunk drawer.

Eddie never did tell Gareth why he did it.  He honestly didn’t know why.  Well, he understood the feeling and the peace that brought - but he didn’t understand why he continued.  He was finally back to his happy self, right?  So why did he continue to add to the myriad of thin scars?  Maybe he wasn’t fixed.  Maybe there was still something inherently and deeply wrong with him.  Maybe he could never fix that.  But Gareth and the guys definitely helped it be bearable and, maybe, that's enough.  For now.

Chapter Text

The applause was electric.  As sparse as it was, sprinkled around the small, smokey bar, it pounded in his heart and made him feel above it all, towering and powerful.  He looked out, sweeping his long hair out of his face dramatically.  He could see the beams of light cutting through the thick vapor in ribbons.  It was blinding and beautiful.  The drunks in the crowd died down and the stage lights cut out, signalling the end of their set.

“Thank you and goodnight!”  Eddie howled into the mic.

He turned to his bandmates with a wild grin and the three of them smiled back in accordance.  The feeling was infectious.  

They packed their things and hauled it out to Eddie's van, sweating and hollering and riding the high.  Eddie and Jeff watch and laugh as Doug steals Gareth’s drumsticks, bolting away.  Gareth chases him, eventually tackling the other to the ground with gales of laughter.  Then the four pile into the van with no regard to safety and peel out of the small parking lot.  

“WOOO!! What’s better than this!?” Gareth shouts, head hanging out of the window dangerously.  Eddie shoves an album at random into the cassette player and cranks the dial to the max.  They scream sing into the lazy summer night, barreling down the suburban streets with no regard for the boring, sleeping families they passed by.  They were all white, picket fence blurs.  The night was theirs.

The van rumbles to a stop, still blasting Metallica loud enough for all his neighbors to be rudely awakened by its volume. It abruptly cuts off, leaving a stark ringing hanging in the air.

“All right boys, you’re going to have to battle it out for places to sleep.  No violence above a maiming, you hear?”  Eddie stumbles past them all into his small bedroom at the back - walls covered in various posters and album covers and, at the helm, his prized guitar.  In a whisper for only himself and his guitar he says, “Sorry, this one was a late one.  Don’t be mad at me,” and lightly strums the strings.

He dresses for bed and settles in, still hearing a commotion in the latter part of the trailer which dies down to hushed whisper-yelling.  Eddie turns onto his back, staring up at the blank ceiling.  He smiles to himself, really happy.  Tonight was one to remember and it wouldn’t have ever happened if Gareth hadn’t stalked him that day.  He lightly chuckles at the memory, truly thankful for his friends and how they’ve turned his life around and bringing the laughter and joy and everything back into his seemingly bleak life.  They really saved him that day and he can never thank them enough for what they unknowingly did for him.

But, even then.  He still felt like he was putting on a performance of some sort.  His smile still didn’t fully reach his eyes and he never felt the full glow of happiness.  It was still dull and muted.  Some days were better than others.  Tonight he could almost feel the edges of that mask peeling away and revealing his truth but it was still not entirely gone.  It felt like the aftermath of a cold - not sick anymore but still wheezing and coughing and feeling the lasting effects.  

Eddie forces those thoughts to the back of his mind, forcing himself to focus on the wonderful, chaotically perfect night.  Soon he falls asleep, the ghost of a smile stretching across his face.

~~~

Wayne gets off work at 7am.  Eddie needs to wake up at 7am for school.  To be specific: The first day of senior year at Hawkins High.

Wayne gives the erratic nondescript pile of blankets a gentle shake.  ‘Eddie, your friends are already awake.  You need to get to school.”

The pile of blankets groans but begins to disassemble, revealing a bed-head ridden Eddie.  Wayne leaves so he can get ready.  The sleepy lump of a now-senior falls into a heap on the floor.  While he is much older, his seventh grade-era morning routine still sticks with him.  Old habits die hard or whatever they say.

Upon reaching the second to final step - “7. Breakfast” - he smells something amazing.  He rounds on Jeff at the stove making custom omelets and for everyone.  Gareth and Doug have already torn apart theirs like 2 savage coyotes on an opossum.  It was a gory sight but he was excited to dig into his own.  Jeff was a fantastic cook and could make just about anything with anything.  Even in the Munsons' cramped kitchen with highly limited ingredients, he could make a gourmet dish worthy of a king.  Of which Eddie liked to consider himself.  

Jeff passed him a dish, perfected with everything he liked.  It was delicious as he assumed it would be.  Even Wayne accepted a plate, gratefully.  They all ate quickly and soon were piling back into Eddie’s van.  Eddie was last out the door, slinging his bag over his shoulder when Wayne caught him and said, “Have a good day at school.  Don’t get into any trouble.”  

Eddie gave him his signature smile and replied, “No promises I won’t burn it all to the ground by the end of the day,” and swiftly left.

~~~

It's hard to believe that they were finally at the top of the food chain: Seniors.  They arrive early and make their way to Eddie’s bench, waiting for the first bell.  Here, in their seclusion, they discussed schedules and compared classes and just enjoyed the last few minutes of freedom before they were sucked into useless academics.

In the rambunctiousness of their conversation, Eddie stopped talking, thinking for a moment.  “What if we expand our D&D group?”

The others stopped talking upon hearing him.  “What?” Gareth said.

“I could bet you that there are some lost little lambs in our midst of whom we can recruit.  I bet there are a number of low-lifes who are just waiting to join!” Eddie’s smile began to grow on his face as he formulated the plan, “And!  I could make us some sick as fuck t-shirts.”

The others laughed, hesitantly.  Jeff then cut in, “Oh you’re serious.”

Eddie dramatically got off the bench, swinging his leg over, “YES, I’m being serious!!  We could find someplace a school to hold our sessions and we could corrupt a future generation of kids!  They could carry on our badass legacy and we could save a few freshies from joining the basketball team or something else equally stupid.”  He looked around, expectantly.  Waving his hands in a “Come on, are you with me?” way.

Gareth sighs long and loud, pinching his nose.  But a smile spread and he replied, “You know what?  Fuck it, why not?”  Followed by Eddies punching the air and silent cheering.

The rest of them began to agree and they formulated a plan of action.  This week Eddie would begin making shirts.  They decided on the name Hellfire to bring in the right kind of kid - they didn’t want wimps, they wanted badasses (also it sounds really cool).  These shirts were gonna be metal as all hell but also have symbols of D&D to keep it on theme.  Then they were gonna start wearing these shirts religiously and make their presence known.  If you wanted to join, you had to prove yourself, though.  They spread the word that they were going to hold a one-short on a specified date to see who they wanted in their party.  They even booked the gym to host this audition, making it extra formal.  It was all set.  

Chapter Text

The day of the audition they had four people show (which, to be fair, was more than they actually anticipated). And the eight of them - members and soon-to-possibly-be members strode into the gym.  But another group of social outcasts seemed to already take up the space.

Some girl with freakishly good posture marched up to Eddie, who was leading the pack, and demanded “What are you doing here?” in a tight, judgy voice.

Eddie put his hands up in a defensive position, “Sorry to break it to you, madam, but we actually booked this space a week ago so if you guys could just-”

“Actually, sir , we booked this gym last school year so we have priority.” She made a point to emphasize every syllable.  Congrats you can pronounce words in the most pretentious way possible now shut the fuck up, Eddie screamed interally.

Gareth, seeing Eddie’s sheer impatience, butts into the stare-fest and interjects, “There must be a little bit of a misunderstanding here, but we kindly ask that, maybe, we could share the space as the auditions we had planned shouldn’t be too long.”

She blinked at them.  “Since when is anyone else holding auditions?  Are you forming another drama club?”  

Eddie takes the reins once more, responding with, “No, we’re a D&D club.  Now, sweetheart, can we please share the space like civilized human beings?”  He tilted his head to one side and put on his sweetest fake smile he could manage.

She sighs a huffy sigh and directs them to the back corner and lets them know where they can get folding tables then she stalks off to her little thespian troupe who were awkwardly waiting for her to finish.  The current official Hellfire members set up a table to play at while Eddie talked the newbies through how it was gonna go.  Then a certain swoop of hair caught his eye.  He had to do a double-take, not believing his eyes.

Steve Harrington was auditioning for the stupid drama club.  

No. Fuckin’. Way.

The newbies’ eyes followed his own.  The turning of four heads was noticeable enough, though, that Harrington’s eyes met theirs.  Specifically Eddie’s.  There was almost a look of fear.  Then the bossy stuck up girl called out his name and he had to turn away but was clearly more frazzled than before.

Eddie hadn’t even been paying attention to what those drama kids were doing but now that his attention was on Harrington, he realized they were doing vocal auditions.  

“Steve can sing?!”  The kid, Dustin, said incredulously, a laugh escaping him.

Steve couldn’t hear what he said but now seeing that Dustin was also a part of his audience was not comforting.  It’s ok.  He knows his limits.  He knows he doesn’t suck.  He has absolutely nothing to be afraid of.  Nothing at all.  Nope.

Across the gym, all of Hellfire (members and to-be members) watched and listened as the opening tinkling piano notes of a song played.

Eddie knew this song.  He knew it by heart.  How-?

“I was alone for so long, I didn’t even know that I was lonely…  Out in the cold so long, I didn’t even know that I was cold.  Turn my collar to the wind.  This is how it’s always been - All I’ve ever known is how to hold my own but now I want to hold you, too.”  

Harrington’s voice was heavenly.  This key suited him beautifully and Eddie was speechless .  When the fuckin’ King of Hawkins High finished the cut of the song, the gym erupted into cheers and applause, everyone shocked - especially Eddie.  No way Harrington knew fuckin’ Hadestown .  Normal, regular people who didn’t have a theater phase might know Phantom of the Opera or Hairspray or something mainstream - but this?  This is not at all mainstream.  What the fuck?  Who the fuck was Harrington?

Steve’s smile couldn’t be contained.  He had been preparing for this all summer, hyping himself up and convincing himself that he could do this and still be who the rest of the school knew him as. He could live out his dream and be in his dream show whilst also being the jerk Tommy and all the others knew him as.  He could do both.

Hellfire all watched as he left the stage, all smiles and everyone commenting on his hidden talent.  Eddie couldn’t stop staring.  His heart was pounding.  How the fuck did Harrington- How???  What??  And his version of the song was so raw and from the heart.  He internally swears that that performance was better than the Broadway performance he saw so far back in his childhood.  What the fuck?

Eddie and the others relatively ignored the rest of the auditions (mainly because none of them could live up to Harrington’s) in order to commence their own.  It went pretty smoothly.  There was one junior who auditioned and three freshmen.  And all of them passed the test effortlessly.  The three freshmen - Mike, Dustin, and Lucas - were seasoned players who knew all the ins and outs of the game.  The junior was not as learned but he picked it up fast, earning him a spot in the next campaign.  

Eddie was the last to leave of the Hellfire members, packing up all his own stuff which far outweighed what the rest of them brought.  This, fortunately, allowed him to wander back over and hear Harrington sing again.  There were so few there they were already moving onto callbacks and testing chemistry and all that.

Harrington outshone them all.  He was a natural (as frustrating as that is) and performed in such a visceral way that even Eddie got in his feels.  Some girls around him - of which the club was mainly composed of - were actually shedding real tears - especially during Wait for Me Reprise.  The Orpheus singing with him was good but Harrington was just magnificent.

Soon, though, the drama club was also packing up and pledges made to post the cast list soon.  The mean girl (of whom he now knew was named Nancy) actually stopped him before he could leave.  “Hey, you’re in a band, right?” 

“Why yes, I am.  Why do you query?”  Eddie turned to face her, arms crossed.

She made an awkward smile and gestured to the gym, “This is where our performance will be held and it doesn’t have a sound system but I know that musicians usually have to set up their own speakers and stuff so I was wondering-”

“If I could hook you up with some speakers,” Eddie finished.  “Sure.  Would this make me a part of your little thespian club?”

She looked delighted, “I mean, only if you want.” She paused for a moment, lost in thought, “Actually, if you’d want to, we really would love to have someone do the sound design for the show?  Not pressuring you at all, of course.”

Eddie considered this.  He did have minor experience futzing with the volume of instruments to ensure they were at the right levels and was a musician with an ear for what didn’t sound like shit so… why not?

“You’d want me, a measly DM, to sound design your show?  I’d be honored,” he followed this up with a low bow and a grin.  Nancy really looked pleased and unlike the pissy version he saw earlier.  She gave him all the information he needed (including scheduling and hours and she promised to talk more about what exactly his new position entailed) and sent him on his way.  

Eddie had half a thought to see if Harrington was still around and compliment him but as he pushed through the heavy doors, he saw King Steve’s car screech out of the school parking lot.  What would he even say, anyways?  “Hey I know your friends bullied me in middle school but you sang really well tonight and I can’t believe you know the show that I was obsessed with in 5th grade and the entire reason I even play guitar or am in a band today so how’s your day going?”  No.  It’s better this way.

Eddie got to his van and just couldn’t stop thinking about it.  The way Harrington sang moved him like nothing else had for a long time.  He remembered the feeling.  That specific feeling after you see a show and you see the world differently.  Every step was a dance and every sentence a ballad.  The world was beautiful.  It brought him such joy to feel so free and happy again - really happy.  How did Harrington of all people prompt it though?  He was such an asshole how dare he have the voice of a literal fucking angel.  It was so unfair how perfect he was.  

Eddie drove home in silence for once, leaving him alone with his own thoughts.  Thoughts that, scarily, stayed centered around Harrington.  Steve Harrington and his perfect hair and his perfect smile and his perfect voice and his perfect body.  It was intriguing and alluring and annoying as all hell.  It’s ok, though, because he’ll just be seeing him weekly for the next two months and have to hear his stupid amazing voice all the goddamn time - especially if he’ll be working sound design.  

Fuck these two months are gonna be excruciating.

Chapter Text

Dustin was becoming Eddie’s favorite freshman.  He was the only one in the group who got his niche references - especially his Weird Al quotes.  Also he was just insanely happy all the time, Eddie couldn’t explain it.  And he was best friends with Steve sings-better-than-Whitney-Houston Harrington for some reason.  How that happened escapes Eddie but he found it endearing nonetheless.  You just couldn’t hate this kid; he was so damn likable.

The other three were slowly growing on him session after session, too.  Mike seemed nice enough and Lucas was a riot.  Chris, the junior, seemed to be a bit quiet at first but the second he warmed up to everyone he was loud and opinionated.  The seven of them were unstoppable against every monster, warlock, or BBEG Eddie threw at them. 

Eddie crept his head over the top of the DM screen in a theatrical manner, “Suddenly every light blows out - even your continual flame, Jeff - and you hear a huge breath huff out and ruffle through your hair.  This was no Kobold, my friends, no… This- This was the big one.”

He takes a dramatic breath, locking eyes with everyone at the table in succession to add to the tension and dramatism.  “You hear a slorping sound - big feet stomping through the thick swamp slowly towards your party.  You hear it grow closer and closer until the disgusting sound fills the damp air.  Then you see it.  The outline of something massive and ugly and hairless.  It looks like it’s never seen the sunlight.”

The party stares with bated breath, terrified at what horrors their evil DM was going to attack them with this time.  It couldn’t be good.

“You recognize it as… The Gray Render.”  Eddie slaps down his painted miniature of the 9 foot beast not too far away from the party.

Dustin throws up his hat while the rest all display varying levels of screaming, shouting, and cursing.  They were all in a bad spot and this could very well be the end of the road for them.  Eddie laughs at their misery, relishing in his carefully crafted story.  It was all going according to plan and it was wonderful.  He couldn’t have planned it better.

The seven of them begin throwing everything they have at the sucker but it was no use - this thing had hitpoints galore and seemed to never tire or slow down.  This relentless motherfucker had them down to two: Dustin and Gareth.  They looked nervously at their slain comrades and they looked back, some scared and some encouraging - all engaged.  Eddie stood over the long table in the thin light, smiling maliciously.  This could end one of two ways and he will be pleased with either.

Dustin then screamed, “WAIT! Eddie - Time! Time!!” Their DM nodded and Dustin gathered with the dead and Gareth at his side.  “I just remembered - if you have a high enough intelligence you can befriend a Gray Render!”

Mike gave him a look, “And you chose to remember this now? ”

Gareth interrupted, “Doesn’t matter.  Anyway, I think you have the higher intelligence here.  Do you want to risk it?”

They all murmured, Dustin weighing his options.  “How many hitpoints do you have left?”

“Four.”

Dustin sighed, knowing what he had to do.  He and Gareth walked back over to the table with everyone else following suit and standing a little back.  They all watched as Dustin proclaimed, “Eddie, I am going to bond with the Gray Render.”

“Well, you know what to do, Henderson.  Roll for it.”  Eddie whispered that last part with a vicious grin.  As much as he wanted Dustin to die gruesomely, it would be very interesting to have a pet Gray Render accompanying them.  Definitely would change the course of the game.

Dustin ritualistically blows on the die and shakes it a bit, muttering some sort of prayer, and rolls.  The die bounces across the table, seemingly in slow motion, only to settle in the middle of the board and spin a bit before landing on… “A nat 20. Fuck, Henderson.  You have bonded with the Gray Render.”

The party cheers and celebrates, Eddie sighing and sitting back in his chair.  This wasn’t the end of the campaign so Eddie had his work cut out for him now that he needed to edit his plan quite a bit.  But he was proud of his new recruits.  They were just stupid enough to make this game fun.

When they die down Eddie wanders over and places a hand on the little Render-whisper’s head, messing up his hair.  Dustin laughs and ducks out from under only to get tackled by Eddie.  The two playfight, egged on by the other knuckleheads.  But the good atmosphere doesn’t last long as it was late so they all begin to filter out and head home.  Dustin stayed the latest, promised a ride in Eddie's van in exchange for helping clean up afterward.

Eddie, shoving various books and notebooks into his bag shakes his head, “That was a bold move, Henderson.  Wouldn’t have had it in me to pull that shit.”

He smiles and laughs, looking up from the map he was carefully folding up, “Really?  Eddie the Fearless Leader too scared to befriend a silly little Gray Render? Ha!”

“Dustin Henderson, you really are something, you know that?”

“I know.”  

Eddie pulled the smaller boy into a side hug, whilst slinging his bag over his shoulder.  They walk out arm in arm. 

Chapter Text

Eddie had always thought that wranging a bunch of kids into playing a board game was hard but wranging a bunch of kids into singing and dancing?  Fuck this shit.  

He had never realized how difficult putting on a show was.  And he really never wanted to - he just liked listening to and watching the end products.  Sure he appreciated and respected the process but holy fuck he didn’t appreciate and respect it enough before.

First of all - THE HOURS.  Eddie was there three days a week for up to four hours.  Some weeks he was even asked to stay longer - Nancy, their lovely director, was relentless.   He was starting to have stress dreams and they weren’t even halfway through learning the show.  

Eddie, himself, had to plan, memorize, and execute so many cues it hurt his brain.  He was already a crap student and now - in his free time outside of school hours - he was doing dumbass group projects and memorizing shit.  Why did he ever agree to this TORTURE.

But one thing made it worth it: Harrington.  

He hated to admit it (especially out loud) but he could not get enough of his performance and how he chose to play the role.  It was captivating.  Every damn time he heard that jackass sing he would hone in and watch, mesmerized.  Some days he hardly got any work done because he was watching Harrington belt out the most heartbreaking notes or harmonize perfectly.  Those were the days when Nancy checked in on him at the end of the rehearsal only to see his lack of progress and beg him to come in another day to make up for it.  God he couldn’t stand Nancy but he could respect her.

The one day where he truly and wholly got not an ounce of progress was the day where they were rehearsing his favorite song from the show: Flowers.  When he first saw it, he sobbed.  That song hit a cord deep inside him and just ruined him and made him want to reach out and comfort Eurydice.  

When Harrington began the song he felt himself willing away tears.  Tears.  He hadn’t felt like crying in a long time.   Too long of a time.  

Eddie sat in the back, too far away from the stage for his liking.  So he got up and stood to be just far enough back to be acceptable to watch.  Eddie watched the flow of the song take hold of the man in front of him and guide him through so many complex emotions that Harrington displayed in entirety with ease.  He could even see when Steve Harrington himself began to shine through the character in agonizing detail. This song felt guttural.  This song felt both powerful and powerless as he fell to his knees holding that stupid red reminder of his lost and forgotten love.  It was raw and real.  More real than any version of Harrington he’d ever seen before.  He could not pull his eyes away for anything.  Not even when he had heard his name called did he even remotely redirect his attention.  It was all Steve.

By the final phrase Eddie felt the tears falling down his face.  He was so moved, so touched by the evidently hidden emotions that he allowed himself to feel when singing.  He felt seen.  Eddie then realized he was crying in front of Steve Harrington.  Not only that, he was crying in front of a number of people whom he did not want to see him in this emotional state.

“Sorry-” And he rushed to the bathroom, wiping his unwavering tears away with his sleeve.  By the time he reached the bathroom, his nose was running, too.  He felt so vulnerable and embarrassed.  Eddie fuckin’ Munson doesn’t cry to theater songs - not anymore.  Eddie doesn’t cry at all, actually because he isn’t like that.  He’s funny and snarky and self-deprecating and is a fun person to be around.  He needs to stop.  This is a one-off event and it will only happen this one time and not again.  He pleads with himself to stop.  He has no reason to cry right now - this is so stupid, he thinks.

Seeing that his body unsurprisingly refuses to listen to him, he finds the large bathroom, locking it behind himself, and slides down the nasty wall.  His tears turned into full-body weeping.  He hadn’t felt like this in years.  Why the fuck now? Why now of all times does his mind suddenly open the flood gates, letting everything out.  This is so stupid.

The shriek of the rusty bathroom door stops him, though.  His sobs are forced quiet while he strains his ears.  His heart seems to pound all over, contemplating whether fight or flight would be better.  This was all so stupid, he shouldn’t even be crying in the first place.

“Hey… Eddie, isn’t it?  Are you… alright?”  Harrington’s voice rang out.  Fuckin’ Harrington of all people - wonderful, he screams internally.

He manages to choke out an, “I’m fine.”

“You, uh, didn’t look fine-”

“I said I’m fine,” is what he meant to say but halfway through the sentence his voice broke and he fell back into obnoxious, loud, stupid sobs that just dialed up the awkwardness.  But Harrington did something surprising: He crawled under the locked stall to sit beside him.  He didn’t say anything just came to be there for him.  That solidity helped ground Eddie and he was able to slow his breathing and calm enough to talk again.

“I’m sorry.”

Harrington’s face distorted, “Why are you sorry?  You didn’t do anything wrong?”

The other shook his head, “I shouldn’t get so worked up like this.  It’s stupid and childish.”

“So, uh, sorry to break it to you but showing human emotions is not stupid or childish.  You are allowed to express your feelings,”  Harrington retorted.

Eddie half laughs, a wet, disgusting sound, “Says you.  I think today is the first day I saw Steve Harrington and not Steve I-have-no-self-awareness-and-I-only-listen-to-Tommy-and-Carol Harrington.  Maybe you should take your own damn advice.”

“That’s… different.”

“Is it?” Eddie actually turned to look at the other, “Is it, Steve ?  Because what I just witnessed on that stage was no acting.  No, sir, I think you have some relatably hidden emotions that I think should be explored a bit more before you consider giving me advice.”

Silence falls again, Steve picks at a place on his pants where the seam is ripping.  Eddie expects him to leave, but he doesn’t for some reason.  He can’t wrap his head around it.  Harrington doesn’t even know him, much less care about him in any capacity that matters.  

“Why did you even come in here?  Shouldn’t you be rehearsing some more?”

“Nancy said that my performance today was adequate and let everyone off early.”

Eddie laughed.  “Adequate?  Nancy called your performance adequate?  For fucks sake you are amazing at this shit - and it annoys me to the ends of the earth!”

Harrinton stumbled to deny it but he was cut off with, “Harrington.  I haven’t gotten the chance to say it but you are a phenomenal actor and a crazy talented singer.  I can’t fucking stand how angelic and beautiful your voice is.  And your vulnerability on that stage?  What the fuck?  You are better than most professional actors who are paid for this shit.  I don’t know what fancy ass bacon you grew up with but you have talent like I’ve never seen.”

Harrington was blushing.  Holy shit.

“Thank you,” He replied in a small voice.  It was so unlike him but he was shook by Eddie’s compliment.  It made him wonder how often he was actually complimented.  

“If I’m being perfectly honest.  I wouldn’t have joined if I didn’t hear you sing at your auditions.  I was just starstruck .  So when Nancy asked for my help with something I knew nothing about, I decided why not because at least I’d get to hear you every day.  And I don’t regret it.  Your performances captivate me.  They are enthralling.  I don’t know how you do it but I’ve felt more in the past few weeks than I have in years.”

Harrington’s eyes welled up and looked over at Eddie with the most puppy dog eyes he’d ever seen.  Steve lunged forward and hugged him tight.  Taken very aback, Eddie's hands lingered hovering over Steve’s back, not knowing whether or not he was allowed to hug back.  Then it was over and Steve pulled back abruptly and looked squarely at the tiles on the ground.

“Sorry.  No one has ever-” Steve choked back a sob, “No one has ever complimented me so kindly.  I can’t even put into words how much that means to me.”

He was still staring squarely down when Eddie began to stand up.  He offered a hand to Steve, who took it.  Steve’s touch was electrifying.  The hug had short-circuited his entire brain and was too quick to process but the deliberate hand-holding?  Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. 

They exit the bathroom together, both a little puffy-eyed but both feeling incredibly better.  Nancy was still there, cleaning up a bit.

“Oh, hey Eddie.  Are you feeling better?” She surprisingly kindly asked.

“Yes, much.”

She sent a sideways glance at Steve upon seeing his puffy eyes, but quickly subverted her attention away, “Well, see you two on Thursday.”

“See you,” Steve replied with a smile.

The two strolled out together, walking in an easy silence.  Their cars were, funny enough, right next to one another.

“See you Thursday,” Eddie hollered over the deafening sound of some AC/DC album.

Steve flashed him a genuine smile, mouthing that phrase back to him over the music.  Eddie's heart did a little backflip as he rolled out of the empty lot and into the dimly-lit streets.  

He didn’t catch feelings for Steve Harrington.  He didn’t.  He refused to believe that he, Edward Munson had caught feelings for King goddamn Steve.  Fuck.

Chapter Text

Senior year seemed to fly by with ease.  Like every school year, Eddie fell into a weekly rhythm with his friends.  Three days a week he’d be at rehearsal and stealing glances at the now-not-an-asshole Steve and on Fridays he was still in that musty gym overseeing campaigns.  He barely had any time to do any actual school work but he honestly wasn’t going to willingly do that anyways.  He had just good enough grades to be passing all his classes and that’s all that mattered.  

Steve also began to initiate conversations now.  Which was new.  And honestly terrifying.  The bathroom thing was a one time deal but now they were talking about homework and complaining about teachers and becoming friends?  It was all too weird.  And Dustin was so psyched that his two favorite upperclassmen were getting along - he even would occasionally attempt to get Steve to join in their campaigns every time they started a new one.  Steve would usually decline and give some excuse but as Eddie and him were slowly getting closer, Steve was having a harder and harder time coming up with a valid reason he couldn’t be there.

“Steeeeve! Come on man - I’ve explained it to you a million times and no one will judge if you mess up!  It’ll be fun, trust me!”  Dustin pleaded as they walked to the parking lot after school.  “You already do acting ‘n shit, this is basically the same thing!” 

Eddie looked over bemusedly at the scene.  Sure, it’d be fun to have Steve play with them but he wasn’t gonna force the issue.  It was purely up to him.

“All right, all right.”  Steve said in defeat.

Dustin cheered and jump-hugged Steve then ran off spouting something about a big test.  Steve was smiling wide watching Dustin run off to the bike racks.  “God, that kid is persistent.”

“I know.  Wish he had a comically large off switch so that we could have a little peace and quiet every once and a while.” They shared an awkward chuckle.  This felt like uncharted waters, now.  They could easily and comfortably talk about school and the show but their mutual love for this random freshman?  Bermuda Triangle adjacent.

“Well, are you ok with joining?  Seems like you’ve been really uncertain so I just wanted to check and make sure you were actually cool with it.”  Eddie rambled, “Trust me, the guys aren’t gonna come after you or anything, but I know that sometimes joining an already-formed group can be scary-”

Steve stopped walking, forcing the other to come to a halt, too, looking over at him with an odd expression, “Eddie, I think I’ll be ok - you don’t need to worry about me.”  Then he proceeded to leave Eddie there, walking the rest of the way to the car.  Eddie stood there for a moment, puzzled expression leaking his internal thoughts: Why on earth would Steve think Eddie was worried.  Sure they were kind of friends but worry meant care and he didn’t care about Steve on any level other than surface. 

Eddie then followed suit and crossed to his car, driving back to the empty trailer.

~~~

The son of a bitch actually showed up.  He even had a character sheet, albeit mostly blank.  The only thing he knew for sure was his name, class, and race.  Steve, unpredictably, decided to be a human cleric named Steve the Awesome.  

Eddie smiled while looking over the character sheet, “‘Steve the Awesome?’  You gotta be kidding me.”

Steve put his hands on his hips, “Is there something wrong with ‘Steve the Awesome’?”

“No,” Eddie laughed.  “I just think it’s very… creative.”

‘Steve the Awesome’ rolled his eyes.  

“STEVE!  YOU CAME?!”  Dustin crashed into the room, tripping over several miscellaneous props and speakers strewn around.  They did their usual greeting consisting of their elaborate hand shake directly followed by Dustin snatching the character sheet out of Eddie’s hands.  “Clean slate I see.  Can I assist you in finishing off this document, Steve the Awesome?”  He asked in a vaguely medieval accent.  Steve laughed and agreed.

Eddie was kinda upset he couldn’t help Steve with it, but no matter - he needed to set up for today’s session anyways.

Wait.

When did Eddie begin referring to Steve as Steve rather than ‘Harrington’?  When did that happen?  At this point it felt natural, casual.  At some time, apparently, his thoughts just decided that Steve was Steve, Eddie guessed.  But that meant nothing.  It was just that they were becoming closer as friends. 

Eddie thought (maybe a bit too much) about this as everyone else trickled in.  Everyone was excited for the new campaign and even all decided to create new characters so that Steve could easily play with them.  The first session in a campaign is always the most mundane and calm but, surprisingly, Steve brought a new sense of life and energy to the table.  Though he didn’t choose to be a bard, Steve, upon figuring out it was an option, chose to flirt with just about everything.  Which made it… interesting for Eddie, of whom was acting out the NPCs that Steve chose to flirt with.

“May I chat up the bartender at the bar to inquire about information concerning the stolen chalice?”  Steve eloquently spoke with a flourish.  Steve was so into the game, it was endearing as all hell.  Eddie supposed that you’d rather someone engaged than not but damn was it making his life difficult.

Eddie sighed, “You may.  You cross to the bartender who has an eye patch over his left eye and some gnarly scars stretching across his face.  He looks at you with disdain.  You were like all the other adventurers who’d come through here.”  He then gets into character, covering one eye and leaning towards Steve and spits in a deeper voice,  “What you be looking for, boy?” 

“Is that any way to treat a paying customer, Mr. Intimidation?”  Steve practically whispers.  The entire table is snickering and giggling, particularly Dustin who can’t stop snorting.

Eddie huffs out a practiced laugh, “You aren’t a paying customer yet.  And I ain’t serving your broke asses - I’ve seen too many of your type coming through here.”

“You know… there are other ways of paying that I’m familiar with…”  Steve leaned in even further, blatantly staring down at Eddie’s lips now.

Ho-ly SHIT.

Fuckfuckfuckfuck.  Eddie was close enough that he could lean in and BAM.  This felt like a craving that Eddie fiercely felt but couldn’t ignore.  It was there and would be there, ever present, but it also felt like he couldn’t actually do anything about it.  Steve felt untouchable when it came to romantic relations especially when you weren’t vaguely popular, weren’t in all AP classes, and, oh yeah, weren’t a fuckin girl.  But here this motherfuckin’ tease was - up in his face and staring at his lips. What. The. Fuck.

Eddie needed to say something, and quick, or else he just might implode.  Accent dropped, he just sputtered out,  “We- we don’t accept that kind of lewd payment here.”

Dustin was having a fit at the other end of the table and he chuckled out, “Get a ROOM you two!”  Then he fell out of the chair onto the floor.  The rest of the table was also absolutely dying.  Gareth caught Eddie's eye and gave him a ‘Get a grip’ look with a smirk.

And he did get a grip.  On the outside.  The rest of the session went relatively smoothly and Steve laid off on the flirting.  Inside, though: Utter chaos.  Steve motherfuckin’ Harrington was deliberately and enjoyably flirting with him.  It’s not that he was a guy, it's that it was Steve motherfuckin’ Harrington .  And he liked it?  

When he later threw open the door to his room, he finally let himself break out into a stupid smile.  Steve Harrington was flirting with him .  STEVE FUCKIN’ HARRINGTON.  What has this world come to?  Sure, yeah, Eddie acknowledged him as the hottest guy in school, obviously.  Of course he would, occasionally, look at Steve’s ass a little longer than necessary.  But it was all a dull fantasy with no actual substance.  It was fantasizing idly about something he would never have.  But now?  Maybe it was in reach?  Maybe it was possible? 

Eddie couldn’t get Steve’s downcast eyes out of his head.  That image lingered there, teasing him.

Chapter Text

Steve liked girls.  He knew that.  That was fact.  That was true.

He liked Nancy.

He liked Robin (briefly).

He didn’t like Eddie.  Eddie was a friend.  A guy friend.  A friend who was a guy.  

So why couldn’t he stop thinking about Eddie’s blush when Steve flirted with him.  Why couldn’t he stop thinking about how delicious Eddie’s lips looked in the dim light.  Why couldn’t he stop almost regretting not leaning in and tasting them.  

No.  Steve was straight.  He liked girls.  And only girls.

You know what it is, Steve thought to himself and the emptiness of his room, I was in character and my character just doesn’t see gender.  That’s what it was.

Didn’t explain why these thoughts continued to linger on the periphery of his mind, but it let him sleep that night.  Unfortunately sleep didn’t give him peace either, forcing images of him grabbing Eddie’s ill-fitting Hellfire shirt and pulling him in and making out with him and his hand sliding up the other’s body to rest in his nest of hair.

Steve was very very very straight.

~~~

“Hey, Eddie.  Wait up,” Steve called out to Eddie as he was making his way to his van at the end of rehearsal that day.

The other slowed down, allowing Steve to catch up.

“What’s up?”  Eddie said almost too casually.  He definitely wasn’t thinking about Steve and how close his face had been just a day earlier.  He was not thinking about kissing Steve either. 

The two kept a specific distance now.  It was in the friend-zone of closeness but was just far enough to be nothing else.  It was awkward and weird.

Steve scratched the back of his neck, looking anywhere but at the man across from him, “Well, I am hosting a party this next Saturday… If you’d like to come?”

Eddie was taken aback.  Personally invited to a party at the Harrington’s?  Unheard of for a guy like him.  Eddie only ever got in if he was selling something and that was one time.  Did this mean anything?   Did Steve mean to imply something via this invitation?  Eddie’s heart was having another goddamn palpitation in his throat when he replied, “Sure, what time?” as casually as humanly possible.

~~~

Steve and Eddie lived on two separate sides of town.  Eddie lived on the other side of the tracks (metaphorically) but he never minded it.  But when he made the cross from his side of the city to Steve’s, he did feel a bit jealous.  

Steve’s house was fuckin’ massive. He could bet that 6 of his trailers wouldn’t even fill out the interior.  There were at least two floors, not including the basement that they most definitely had, with a huge front and backyard.  There was a reason that every time Steve’s parents went out of town this became the party house.

Eddie was more than six blocks out when he first started hearing the music echoing through the usually quiet neighborhood.  The lights and music acted like a beacon - if Eddie hadn’t known the address, he still would’ve easily been able to find it.  

When he finally did have it in its sights it was even worse than he imagined: Kids already on the lawn, messing up the beautifully manicured grass and foliage as well as kids hanging out of the vast number of windows and gales of laughter emanating from this mansion of a home.  

Internally Eddie cursed himself for agreeing.  That stupid face stupidly asked him to go to a stupid party and he stupidly accepted.  This was just not his scene.  Eddie liked small events with friends where they enjoyed each other’s company and kept it pretty docile.  This was anything but that.  This was loud and obnoxious and Eddie didn’t know anyone but stupid ‘Steve the Awesome’ whose stupid dimples were the only reason he would ever be here.  Fuck he needed to deal with the Steve probelm but that was something to think about later.  Right now he had to make it through this party without getting killed or killing someone.  

Eddie steps out of his car, heart pounding in his ears.  He makes the trek all the way to the front door, stepping over and around people who were somehow already blackout drunk on the front steps.  He took a breath and put on his best nonchalant smile and opened the front door.

A wall of music hit him and his eyes settled on the barrage of bodies littering the foyer.  He began to push his way through the surprisingly dense crowd, looking for the one specific face in the sea of faces.  

It felt like a scene out of a John Hughes Movie - teens all around, grinding, making out with, or provocative dancing with one another.  It was insane.  He kept accidentally breaking up dance partners (if you could call them that) whilst on his mission to find Steve.  And that was no easy feat, either.  This man seemed to be impossible to find considering he was the host and Hawkin’s King supposedly.  

Then he saw him.  Across the room.  Without a fuckin’ shirt and downing something from the fated solo cup.  No, he was in a movie.  He could hear the damn soundtrack in his head playing some sort of romance melody as he locked eyes with this shirtless fuck.  He could see the camera angles as it cut from his face to Steve calling him over and back to him shoving through the crowd.  Genuinely, what was his life?  

“Hey, I’m glad you came!” Steve hollered over the music, taking another hefty sip from his cup.

“I don’t know if I’m glad I came yet.” Eddie chuckled, inaudible over the blaring Wham! song.

Steve also laughed, definitely a bit tipsy.  He tripped over another cup as he closed the distance between them, grabbing Eddie’s forearm and pulling him in a direction.  “Where are you taking me, Harrington?”

Eddie briefly mused that it almost sounded weird that he reverted back to ‘Harrington’ for Steve but that though was run over by oh my fucking god he’s grabbed me by the forearm.  

“You need a drink.  Pronto.”

Eddie honestly agreed and then let himself be dragged through the crowd.  As they parted the red sea, the pair got a few odd side-eyes from onlookers who couldn’t figure the situation.  To be frank, Eddie couldn’t either.  He was at a Harrington party - a famed Hawkins staple - being personally escorted around by the host himself.  Oh, and don’t forget, he and Steve are somehow friends now which also included questionably in-character flirting during a D&D game.  Totally normal.  

The two reached the kitchen and Steve proceeded to pour Eddie something clear.  “Wow you’re just gonna give me straight vodka?  Classy.”

“Eds, don’t question the master of the house.  I say you drink up so you are going to drink up.”  Steve shoved the cup into his hand, ignoring that he just called Eddie ‘Eds’.  Eddie honestly needed this drink with how this beautiful idiot was acting.  And he was beautiful tonight.  Something about the dim lights lit Steve’s face, highlighting his most striking features.  Tonight he was not handsome, he was beautiful.  

The alcohol quickly set in, the world feeling fuzzy and light.  His worries were gone and he was making it a mission to stay glued to Steve’s side all night.  It’s not like sober him would do anything else - all the other partygoers were assholes.  But inebriated him?  Followed Steve around like a lost puppy downing drink after drink as they were handed to him.  

Steve did a whole lot of introductions that Eddie just did not hear because he was staring at the other’s captivating features.  One included the King of Hawkin’s right hand man and his girlfriend: Tommy and Carol.  The two biggest assholes on campus.  “You gonna leash your stray dog, Harrington?  Or maybe you should put him back outside where he belongs?”  Tommy spit at Eddie.  Rage bubbled in his gut but he wasn’t going to do anything.  He already had a bad enough rep around the school.

“Tommy,”  Steve slurred, “Have I ever asked you to shut the fuck up?”

Tommy and Carol were dumbfounded.  And Steve just left.  He just left them there.  Eddie, of course, followed in Steve’s tracks but he was also so puzzled.  Like yeah Steve probably hated them but they were still his friends.  They had the keys to his social status so what was he doing?  Steve would be stupid to throw that away for him.

Steve and Eddie found themselves outside where it was much quieter.  Where they could actually talk without shouting.  The two slumped against the wall of the house, feeling the thrum of the music still playing, and sat side by side there.  There was no one else out there.

Eddie was about to ask Steve about that interaction when he interrupted with, “I am so glad you invited me to D&D the other night.  It was a lot of fun.”

“Well, I’m so happy the likes of us could entertain you,” Eddie joked.

“No, no.  I mean it.  I really like your friends.  I really like spending time with you.”

Eddie smiled at this.  His heart panged, longing to be closer to Steve but not willing to push that boundary.  Being near him was intoxicating but Steve was something he wasn’t allowed to have.  He could want in secret and smile and fantasize but those thoughts were far from any semblance of reality. 

Suddenly, Steve scooched in closer, pressing his side against Eddie’s.  Eddie genuinely stopped breathing for a few seconds, trying not to make a move that would make the other regret his closeness.  The alcohol was making his head spin in a blurry whorl, making this all seem like a farfetched dream.  

“Can I tell you a secret,” Steve whispered almost sadly.

Eddie furrowed his brow, “Yeah, of course.”

“I hate my friends.”

This one was easy for Eddie to understand.  He couldn’t understand why Steve ever wanted to be friends with them, so he asked just that.

“I don’t know.  I feel like I have to.  I feel like if I don’t have them and I don’t have my stupid status at school, I’ll fade away into insignificance.  I’ll be a pointless nobody.”

“I don’t think you have that exactly right, Steve,” Eddie whispered back, treading carefully with his words, “The way you feel right now is just how alone I was when I first moved here to Hawkins.  You can be just as alone surrounded by people as you can be if you are physically alone and it’s just as disheartening.  Also, Tommy and Carol are not your friends.  Friends are people who lift one another up and support each other in hard times.  Tommy and Carol are assholes who bully you when you show your true colors.  Like tonight.  I just want you to know that you are always welcome at Hellfire, far away from the Tommy’s and Carol’s of this cruel earth.”

When Eddie finally looked over at Steve, his face was buried in his arms, crying silently.  Not knowing what to do, Eddie extracted his arm and slung it over Steve’s shoulders, making small circles where his hand came to rest.  The ‘King of Hawkins High’ then, inexplicably, leaned his full weight into Eddie, head resting on his shoulder.  Eddie’s heart pounded, seeking reprieve from these mini heart attacks.  If Steve did one more thing he might die of heart failure.

“Thank you,” came between shaking, slowing down breaths.  Steve's eyes peeked out from his balled-up state, looking up meaningfully at Eddie.  It was the most heartbreaking thing Eddie thinks he’d ever seen.  Those red, puffy eyes peeking out from under his crop of perfectly mused up hair just about broke his heart.  Steve then wiped away any remaining tears, leaning away from Eddie just enough that they were still pressed together but Steve was no longer on his shoulder.  Eddie internally deflated at the gesture, idly wondering if he did anything wrong.  Steve was determinedly staring at the ground with his big brown eyes.

“You wanna know a secret?”

Steve looked over at him. “Sure.”

“My uncle is the only family I have.  My mom left when I was about twelve.  My dad killed himself when I was thirteen.  When I moved in with my uncle was when I was new at Hawkins and those few years after were the worst of my life.  I can’t explain it but everything just went… numb?  So, to feel something, sometimes I’d-”  Eddie hesitated, wondering if he should tell him.  But he wanted someone to know and, for some reason in this moment, Steve felt like the right person.  “I’d cut myself.”  Eddie shifted forward so he could slide off his jacket, revealing a t-shirt underneath that exposed the scars.

Steve starred down with a mix of horror and fascination.  He reached his hand out. “Can I?” he asked.  He ran his fingers over the scars, running his fingers over each stripe, mesmerized.  But he noticed that all these scars seemed faded and well-healed.  “What got you to stop?”

Eddie felt like he was having a heart attack now.  He cursed the alcohol for not allowing him to fully experience Steve’s touch as it grazed over his arms.  “Gareth.  He was the one who introduced me to Jeff and Doug.  They helped me a lot.  But I still never could shake the feeling of disconnect with the world around me.  I struggled to feel happy or sad or anything really.  Until I met you.”  Steve stopped and met Eddie’s eyes.

“How the fuck did I-?”

Eddie cut him off, “When I heard you sing that day, it was like the world was put back into focus.  That’s why I started crying, it was because I was so overwhelmed with the sudden rush of emotions that some dam holding it all back broke in an ugly way.  But it was wonderful to finally be able to feel without need of a knife or something external.  It was relieving.  It was healing.  Since then, slowly, I’ve been able to live life again and feel truly happy.  Because of you.”

They both sat staring at one another for a moment.  Eddie looking at Steve with all the admiration and adoration he could manage and Steve looking at Eddie with shock and something else.  Then Steve’s eyes flicked down to his lips.  And Eddie barely registered that right before Steve leaned in and pressed his lips to Eddie’s.  They both leaned into it, Eddie obviously kissing back.  Shocked, but kissing back.  Steve’s arm snaked around Eddie’s waist, pulling him in closer.  Eddie leaned further into Steve, almost on top of him when Steve pushed them apart, alarm in his eyes.

“Fuck, I-” Steve pulled his arms back and moved backward, away from Eddie, “I gotta go.”

Eddie watched as Steve raced back inside to the party, leaving him alone there.  Leaving him with unanswered questions and traces of heat from where Steve just was.  Leaving him wanting another taste.  Leaving him realizing that he'd probably not get another.

What the fuck?

Chapter Text

Apparently no normal person is physically allowed to be in theater.  Two weeks out from tech week, Robin Buckely was recruited to be on lighting due to the entire lack thereof.  She was nice, that’s completely true.  But she was also batshit insane.  

Eddie’s introduction to the teenage incarnate of ADHD was when Nancy was hosting a “vision meeting” to prepare for tech week.  In walks Robin in a light-colored flannel vest duo and the most awkward smile Eddie had ever seen.

“Hi.”

The rest of the “creative team” responded politely and Nancy introduced her as, “Our lighting designer!  She’s going to work very closely with you, Eddie, because I want a lot of the sound cues to be synchronous with the lighting cues.  I’ll brief you guys a little more later.”

Then the uneventful and dull meeting continued, Robin now seated beside Eddie.  He kept catching her stealing glances at him and quickly looking away.  Feeling over-perceived he leaned far back in his chair and tried to ignore it but she just didn’t stop and it was downright annoying and rude.  She must be one of those who actually abide by the school hierarchy or some shit and think he’s weird (but, granted, she was too, so this theory didn’t make any sense either).

Eddie stalked off afterward, just determined to ignore her and get back to finishing programming a few sound cues he’d neglected.  But, no, because she just could not leave him alone it seemed.

“Hey, you’re Eddie, right?”  She said with that same I’ve-just-seen-a-ghost look she’d had before.

“Yeah, I am.  And you’re the girl who was staring at me for half that meeting, right?”  Eddie shot back at her.

Robin’s face contorted, “Woah, rude.  I just wanted to compliment you on your style and your confidence.  I’ve seen you around school and you are like unphased by everyone, even when they’re mean to you.  It’s super admirable.”

He untensed, realizing that he made a wrong assumption about her.  “Oh.  Thank you.”  There was an awkward pause.  “I think we were in the same biology class last year.  I just remember you insisted on always being paired with that one girl… What was her name?  Tammy Thompson!”

Robin turned bright red at the mention of Tammy’s name, “Ha, yeah.  Anyways, I’ve heard so much about you from Steve, we’re like really close friends.  I’m so glad I can actually get to know you myself instead of basing all of my opinions on what Steve thinks of you.”

“Oh really?  And what does he think of me?”  Eddie questioned with a smirk, now relaxed and comfortable with her presence, began booting up the ancient, slow as fuck  computer that sat in his little corner of the makeshift booth.  

Robin looked everywhere but Eddie, her eyes darting around nervously.  “Well, uh, he always has good things to say!  But I think he should be the one to say them.”  Robin began futzing with some papers on the table in front of her, idly organizing them to give her hands something to do.

“Well, I would.  If he were talking to me right now.  Or if he weren’t actively avoiding me at every chance.”  He retorted, sarcasm bleeding viciously into his tone.  Robin, out of the corner of his eye, was fumbling and dropping the papers now in a panic.  “But I bet you already knew that.”

The audible silence that’d grown between them was broken by none other than Nancy Wheeler who really wanted to talk about “creative vision” and pulled them into another dull talk about this and that.  This luckily allowed Eddie to zone out and spot Steve from across the gym.  He was practicing some scenes with his Orpheus counterpart.  That’s when Eddie realized that it was the ending of All I’ve Ever Known.  The ending in which a kiss is staged.  The ending in which Steve kisses this random girl.  

Eddie has no rational or logical reason as to why he feels anger flooding him but he does.  As he watches Steve nonchalantly kiss that girl and not run away after he wanted to scream.  He wanted to go over there and shove him against a wall and demand answers.  Of course, he knew why this asshole was perfectly ok with kissing a girl.  He knew that.  But it still made him crazy to the ends of the earth.

Nancy and Robin noticed Eddie go quiet and they both ended up staring at him.  Robin, facing the same way as him, noticed who exactly he was fuming at and it dawned on her.  Nancy was oblivious.  Soon Nancy left once she said her fill.

Robin, who elected to sit in the rolly office chair, rolled over to Eddie with a squeal from the old, un-oiled wheels.  “You, uh, brought up Tammy Thompson earlier and I wanted to- to say something about that.”  Robin lowers her voice, “The reason I always wanted to be in Tammy’s group is because I wanted her to like me back.  In the way that I liked her .”

He got it immediately and his face softened.  “How’d you know-?”

“Eddie.  You have a staring problem that is actually quite obvious to anyone with eyes.”

He laughed, “That bad?”

“Yes, most definitely that bad.”

“Fuck.  So, do you know why we aren’t talking then?”  Eddie’s tone changed.  Almost hurt if the answer was yes.

Robin sighed, “I do.  And I am sorry on his behalf.  He’s an idiot and can’t just act normally about anything.  I keep telling you he needs to talk to you, but he just won’t listen.”

“I know we aren’t really friends but it would mean a lot if you kept pushing that issue.  I really would just like to talk.”

She gives him a sideways look, “As potentially the only two of our kind at this school, I think that automatically makes us friends.”

So then forth they were.  Both were awkward in a way that complimented the other and they got closer due to their kinship as well as their forced proximity for the next few weeks.  Over that time period Robin learned Eddie’s entire side of the story, sympathizing with Steve’s continued lack of communication.  Robin was actually a great person to talk to because she never held back when giving her opinion, for better or worse.  She stated everything exactly as it was and it helped Eddie gain a new perspective.

“If you guys ever talk-”

“When.”

“ When you guys finally talk, you need to be blunt about your feelings.  Be truthful and tell him how much he’s hurt you.  If he doesn’t apologize immediately, kick him to the curb.  And I’m saying that as someone who is Steve’s friend.”

Robin had the ability to make Eddie laugh more than just about anyone.  Their conversations all seemed to dissolve into convulsive fits of laughter deemed “disruptive” by all-powerful director Nancy (she was beginning to let power get to her head and it showed).  This time was no different.  But every time Steve saw it, his heart broke a little bit.

Steve was actually very happy that his best friend and… Eddie… were getting along well but he didn’t like that he caught his own name in their conversations.  What was Robin saying to him?  He wholeheartedly trusted her and, at the same time, knew she was a blabber-mouth and occasionally would say shit she didn’t mean to.  Also, was Eddie using her for information on him?  It felt self conceited to even think but that thought still lived at the back of his brain for days and days, affecting him unendingly.  He was torn to pieces every time he avoided Eddie but also physically couldn’t stop himself from doing so.  He genuinely could not explain that night.  Or what he did.  Or why he left.  It was all fuzzy in his head and jumbled up and whenever he focused on it for too long it sent him into panic mode.  

Directly after regrettably leaving Eddie alone outside, he found his ex, Nancy, and kissed her.  Almost to prove that he still could.  To prove he still felt things for girls but this performance only confused him more because during that kiss all he could think of was Eddie’s long fingers making circles on his shoulder or how Eddie’s lips were chapped or the way Eddie practically crawled on top of Steve before he fled.  In his head it was almost as if he was kissing Eddie again and he could not make sense of it.  He liked fucking girls not goddamn Eddie Munson.   Steve was normal and always had been.  He was normal.  Normal.

Those next two weeks were the worst.  First of all, the entire thing with Robin and Eddie happened.  Then he had to start practicing the kiss with whats-her-name which was only made bearable when he could conjure up Eddie but that made everything more confusing (he used to easily kiss and like to kiss girls without having to picture someone else so what changed?? ).  And also Nancy was his director who had to stage the kiss which just made things awkward because they’d broken up months ago and yet he pulled that stunt at the party.  It was all going to shit and it was all his fault.  If only he wasn’t such a dumbass he wouldn’t be in this situation.  Oh!  And don’t forget that, since Robin was getting closer to Eddie, Steve started sharing less and less with Robin for fear that she’d spill his guts to his… whatever Eddie classified as at this point.  He didn’t have a label at the moment.

It was just all so messed up and he wishes he could just kiss that stupid face again and profusely plead forgiveness until his voice was raw.

Chapter Text

Tech week was upon them.  Apparently these theater obsessive nerds were even worse when stressed, tired, and hyped up on caffeine.  Robin especially.

“God, I wish Steve would just talk to me because now all of a sudden he’s ghosted me, too, now.  And honestly might lose my head if he kisses Vickie again.”  She whispers screams to Eddie in one breath.  Her ability to say so much in so little time amazed Eddie.

Eddie sighed, “Me too, but for obviously different reasons.  Now that we’re doing sound checks now it's even worse though.  He won’t even look at me or say anything other than recite a few verses and leave the second I give him the heads up.”  Internally Eddie continued with, and my heart reaches out to him every time he sings, grasping onto the twisting melodies in futility.  It was like being loved and hated in the same moment.  It was just the worst.  

Past boyfriends of Eddie’s had obviously been either closeted or figuring things out but usually Eddie was able to help them and comfort them.  He knew as well as any of those guys that figuring out your identity was one of the most lonely things to experience.  He knew way too well that you needed someone to be there for you, to help guide you even when it felt like you were blind and deaf.  

Wayne was that for Eddie.  He was a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.  Wayne taught him emotional intelligence like no one else had.  Since he grew up so self-sufficient, there was no one to help him comprehend and understand what was going on in his head.  While it was still often a pile of random thoughts and feelings, he had a better ability to sift through and separate this from that.

He really wanted to be that rock for Steve.  He wanted to be there when Steve needed him to be.  But he also understood that he was the source of confusion so maybe that wasn’t really what the other needed right now, but doing nothing felt like isolating an already emotionally isolated man.  He did also encourage Robin to try to talk to him but Steve was just avoiding everyone - which was made much easier due to the long ass hours he could hide behind.  Robin and Eddie were stuck far away and up in the booth while Steve was center stage, stranded beneath the blinding stagelights.

Eddie’s job was honestly the hardest of crews.  One, because he was the only member of his crew so all the work fell to him and, two, because the gym was the most echoy, adverse to sound place that they could've chosen for the show.  He had to stay extra hours, long past everyone else, making sure that it sounded as good as he could get it, all things considered.  

Nancy even finally commended him, then asked, “Why do you even care so much?  You don’t really know anyone in the show so why are you so dedicated to making it sound good?”

Eddie thought about lying and saying something about having nothing to do, but chose to tell the truth because, really, what could it hurt?  “Well, when I was a kid my dad would take me to various shows and Hadestown was one of those ones I fell in love with.  It stuck with me big time.  I still know it by heart even though I spent the better of five years pretending to hate theater.  I don’t know, it feels like I’m connected to my dad again.”

Nancy looked at him differently, taking in this new information.  “That’s… really sweet to hear.  I’m so glad you are committed, by the way.  It wouldn’t be what it is without you.”  She rested her hand on Eddie’s shoulder, hopefully reassuringly, as she passed by him.  “Anyways.”  She throws the keys at him, “Don’t stay too late.  Don’t overwork yourself.  Thank you, again.”

He caught the keys, promising to not burn the place down.  He stayed late that night but it felt like he was working for something a bit bigger than himself, now.  He wasn’t lying, but saying it out loud really put it into the forefront of his mind.  As he rewired speakers and laid out the, frankly, terrifying array of cables and cords, he thought of his dad and how much he used to love all this.  How he used to talk on and on about the dancers and the lighting and the beauty of the theater.  He remembers all the happy memories from his childhood and thinks of Steve.  Those seemed to be tied in his memory now.  Steve and the theater.  Two very happy memories gone sour for stupid reasons.

~~~

Steve was terrified for the final dress rehearsal.  This meant that tomorrow he was doing this on stage in front of his friends and family.  He was already receiving backlash from the party so wait til those assholes found out about this theater debut.  He was gonna get killed.  But maybe it was worth it.  He’d dreamed about this for years so he should be happy.  But he was too tired and stressed, and spiralling too often to even begin to feel anything but tired, stressed, and out of control.  He’ll feel better when tomorrow night he is bowing and smiling wide but right now he had to focus on every little thing being right so Nancy didn’t yell at him from her little stupid chair.

So far, Steve has successfully made it through the first kiss in Act One, so all he had to do now was make it through the second one in Act Two and he would be home free.  He loved performing and it never ceased to make him feel otherworldly but kissing Vickie was becoming his worst nightmare.  

To be fair, she was incredibly nice and very polite when it came to those scenes but it was just that it wasn’t him.  After the party every kiss feels like stalling.  Like he was waiting for his true kiss or something equally stupid.  Also, he was well aware of Robin’s major crush on Vickie and could never help but feel bad every time he knew she saw them.  Sometimes he’d pull back just a little early for her sake (even though Nancy was pushing for longer and longer).  

But, as Robin seemed to often be, now, he would catch Eddie’s expression from the corner of his eye.  He could see him unabashedly steaming, stewing in rage.  How anybody didn't notice was beyond him.  It was endearingly obvious.  But those kisses were all infinitely made better when he was taken back to that night.  He wishes he could tell Eddie that.  He wishes he would allow himself to go over and tell him that that kiss has changed how he looked at romance, how he looked at love.  How it was no longer lipstick and love songs and long car rides and openly kissing.  It changed into hair products and rings and that smirk and stolen kisses in the dark.

He couldn’t take it anymore .  He pledged in his head that he was going to talk to Eddie the second the show was over.  He didn’t have time to put his energy and thoughts towards building that relationship right now.  He was way too preoccupied with the chaos of the show.  But he was going to talk to him.  You just try and stop him.

Chapter Text

The seats in the gym hurt like hell if you sat in them for any absurd amount of time like Eddie had been.  But they were, luckily, towards the end of the show now.  They had four more songs left.  At the end here is when the sound cues let up so it allowed him to just lean over the booth and watch Steve in his element.  His voice soared through the room, even making the obscene echoes sound lovely and perfect.  It was ethereal.  Robin laughed at his drooling, Eddie batting her away without breaking eye contact with the distant actor.

Then they got to the Breakbreaking Scene.  Even though he’d seen it a million times, it hurt every.  Single.  Time.  It was fated and the fates were cruel.  And the fates were especially cruel tonight when a loud scream rang through the gym like an alarm.  All heads turned to the stage.  People gasped.  Steve yelled, “CALL 911!”

Everything after that was a blur.  Eddie ended up in the corner, hyperventilating.  He hated first responders.  They were related to one too many bad memories.  But he replayed the scene in his head over and over in horror.  How Vickie walked over to the opening in the stage in which normally takes her down to the underworld opened and how she tripped while walking down, something in her leg making a sound that it shouldn’t make, bending at an angle it shouldn’t bend at.  Steve turned at her scream and the breaking sound and immediately rushed to help, yelling for help.  Nancy was the one to call 911 and they made haste once they heard what had happened.  

She was now being wheeled out in a stretcher, leg still sticking out at a weird, sickening angle.  Steve was sitting on the edge of the stage, horrifiedly watching her go.  Nancy walked with her til the door, stopping to hold the door and forgetting to stop holding it.  She stood there, looking out at the ambulance as it carted semi-conscious Vickie away.  And they all saw as it carted away the cast and crew’s hope of a smooth opening night.  The hope of any opening night at all.  

Silence sat over the gym like a fog.  It smothered them.  Eddie couldn’t breathe he was so stunned and still panicky.  He vaguely wished that Steve would come over to comfort him but he knew this was stupid.  He looked up anyways, hoping to see that gravity-defying hair walking towards him.  Instead he saw a curly bob frantically running towards him.

Eddie wiped his eyes quickly and stood up, feeling scared and preyed upon by Nancy.  She was terrifying normally but this week was worse than ever.

“Can you play the guitar?”  She huffed out.

“Yes?”

“Can you sing?”

Eddie’s eyebrows knit together.  “Yes?”

“Do you know Orphues’s vocal part?”

His brain was still fuzzy from everything happening.  Her line of questioning didn’t make sense.  “Yes?”

“Can you learn quickly?”

“I guess?”  Then it dawned on him.  She was asking him to play Orpheus.  Fuck.  He should’ve lied.  Fuck.  No fuckin’ way.  No. Nononononono.

“Eddie, could you save the show and play Orpheus tomorrow?”

No.  No.  No!  “Yes?”

Nancy aggressively pulled him into a hug that would’ve taken all the breath out of his lungs if there was any there to begin with.  She holds him there longer than he’d ever had liked.  

“Thank you.  Eddie, you are single-handedly saving this show.  Thank you.”

Eddie stammered, still processing what he’d idiotically agreed to, “You’re welcome?”

Nancy, the monster she is, then turned around and announced to the eerily quiet gym, “Everyone, attention!  No plans have changed.  The show is still opening tomorrow and Eddie is going to be playing the part of Orphues in Vickie’s place.  If she gets better, she will be welcome to step back in but for the sake of at least tomorrow, Eddie is going to step in and save the show.”  She turns, presenting Eddie to the cautiously clapping crowd.  His face must be beet red.

The only person not clapping is Steve, who is still sitting, frozen, on the edge of the stage.  He is staring (finally!) directly at Eddie with an unreadable expression.  He doesn’t seem mad but he also doesn’t seem very happy about the change in plans.  Eddie’s heart deflates at this realization because he kind of wanted Steve to be happy.  That was dumb, of course.  But it hurt that Steve wasn’t enthusiastic.  Then, to be fair, Eddie wasn’t incredibly enthusiastic, himself.  He was boiling alive in fear. 

~~~

As everyone set everything back to the opening of Act One, Nancy pulled Steve and Eddie aside.

“Hey, I just wanted to check on the two of you and ensure that you were ok with my executive decision.  I also wanted to preface that you do not have to kiss.  I know you two kind of avoid one another so, regardless of your hatred or whatever, it’s just a show and it might only be for tomorrow night.  So please put aside your differences and do this.  For me?”

They both nodded, befuddled at her conclusion about them.  They locked eyes and almost laughed at the bemusing assumption, then remembered that they weren’t speaking.  Nancy looked between the two, confused.  But she pressed on, nonetheless.

“Anyways, I want to run everything from the top, stopping when we need to.  Eddie, I know you’ve watched this show so many times at this point so how much do you think you know of Orphues’ blocking?”

He honestly thought about it.  While he’d been mainly focused on embarrassingly staring at Steve, he actually had come to know both of their blocking pretty well.  “To be perfectly honest, I think I know it surprisingly well.”

She relaxed a fraction, satisfied with that answer.  “Ok, so we’ll start at the top of Act One in five.  Be ready.  Don’t be surprised if we stop and correct things.  Good luck!” 

They both chirped, “Thank you, five.” And then they were left alone.  Together.  Alone.

A stupid long silence screamed between them, like the depths of a chasm and the wind creepily whistling through.  

“So, uh, luckily you won’t be forced to kiss me again?”  Eddie quipped, looking for something in Steve’s blank face.

Steve awkwardly laughed, more forcibly than Eddie liked.

Eddie changed tone, softening and saying, “Hey, Steve, if you don’t want to do this, we don’t have to do this.  I know Nancy is being all forceful and shit but it’s truly up to you.”  He backed up, physically giving him space.

Steve took a long breath and let it out evenly.  He looked over at Eddie with achingly sweet eyes.  “No, I’m fine.  We just gotta get through tonight and tomorrow, right?”

Eddie’s face faltered, smile fading just a touch.  Steve saw right away that he’d said the wrong thing and he couldn’t handle his… crush? looking that heartbroken.  It took all the convictions he had away.

“Look, Eddie.  I-”  He ran his hands through his hair in a soothing manner, “I am so sorry I’ve avoided you for the past two weeks.  It was stupid and impulsive and I hate that I’ve hurt you so much more than I probably even realize.  I want to do this.”  Steve stepped in, grabbing Eddie’s hand and bringing it into his own, squeezing his confidence into it.

Eddie’s heart couldn’t take it.  This was the final straw.  Steve fuckin’ Harrington was going to be the death of him.

Chapter Text

Did Eddie ever mention how much he loved being on tech for this show.  He would gladly trade those late, back-breaking nights over the three hour long singing and acting he spent the night before.  That rehearsal took a piece of him with it when he left.

It actually went very well.  Oddly, he was pretty good at remembering the blocking and he already knew the songs by heart.  The only hard part was the acting.  But, fortunately, looking in love is made a lot easier when the boy you might be in love with is looking at you like that .  Half the show wasn’t even acting, really.  

The bitter-sweet part was picking up his beautiful electric guitar (fetched for him by the wonderful Wayne who was supposed to be working) and playing these amazing chords and melodies that he used to obsess over.  It took him back to a time when he first sat down with it and learned Epic I.  He made it a mission to be the first song he learned.  And he did.  He also made it a point to learn all the guitar parts in the show in some poetic twist of fate.  And it all rushed back to him.  As he played Epic I for the first time in years he let silent tears fall down his face as he serenaded the room.  It felt like fate had pulled a few strings for him.

~~~

Now it was tomorrow.  Opening night.  And somehow the universe expected him to make it through his pointless classes first.  From the moment he woke up that morning, his heart had been pounding in his every atom like a ticking bomb.  He was wide awake and exhausted and disbelieving of his own memories.  Because no way did he sing with and to the  Steve Harrington as the character he used to idolize as a kid.  The character that led him down the path of hopeless romanticism despite pushing that identity down for years.  But playing Orpheus last night reminded him of how much he just wanted to be loved.  To love.  To hold someone and know that they’d never leave no matter how much of an asshole he was.  

And by fucking god did he want Steve to feel the same way.  His hope was reignited.

~~~

Steve stayed home.  He couldn’t stop thinking about that ringed idiot.  Fuck he was hot.  Fuck he couldn’t stand not admiting that anymore.  And fuck how dare he not kiss him last night.

He was right there .  He was inches from him, staring at him like he alone existed in the universe, a shining star in the murky sky.  And he didn’t lean in and kiss that fucker .  

“FUCK!”

Robin peaked through the crack in his door upon hearing the outburst, “When you said you needed me over for emotional support I didn’t realize I was in for a full meltdown.”

Steve ran over to Robin, forcing her into a hug he’d needed for weeks.  She hugged back wholeheartedly.

“Robin, I’m so sorry I didn’t talk to you, I was scared about you and Eddie being friends and I was confused and scared and I’m so so so sorry.  I’ve missed you so much.”  Steve said over her shoulder.

Robin broke out of the hug so she could look him in the eye when she said, “No, don’t be.  I know there was a lot going on.  I’m always here for you even when you don’t see that you desperately need me.”

They re-embraced for a moment more before Robin let go to sit down on his bed.

Incomprehensible sounds came out of Steve’s mouth as he paced the room, hands raking over his face and hair in utter self-frustration.

“Sooo… You wanna talk about something?  Maybe something to do with a certain stand-in Orpheus?”  Robin coaxed softly.

Steve sunk to the floor, hands covering his face.  He was only covering it because he knew his face was fully red and he was embarrassed he was so ruined over anybody.  Usually he was cool and collected when it came to crushes and relationships but Eddie? Fuck him.  

Robin slid off of the bed to the floor, wrapping an arm around the balled-up lovebird in front of her.  “Really that bad, huh?”

He nodded, face somehow heating up more.  He wholeheartedly believed that she could feel the waves of heat radiating off of him and he curled up even further.

Robin sympathized, “You know, I never did tell you about my first crush.  Her name was Lindsey.  We were in 6th grade English class.  She was the prettiest girl I’d ever seen and I couldn’t stop being around her.  She drove me absolutely crazy!  I’d go home every night and cry because I didn’t understand why I really wanted to be her friend but… more than, you know?  It was all so confusing that first time.  I eventually did get over her but for a few short months I was constantly in shreds over her.”

Steve looked up at his best friend,  “So… It’s normal to feel this way, I’m not going crazy?”

“Yup.  Regular, run-of-the-mill queer teenage experience.”

He laughed at this, feeling so much relief from the stress he’d been holding.  It felt ok to lump himself in that queer label.  He wasn’t quite sure what he was yet but Robin made the space feel safe.

“Now, if you’re feeling less panicky…” She grinned wide, “You better tell me everything I missed.”

“Oh god, where do I start?”  Steve had already told Robin so much so he told him all about how he’d felt the last week, up to the previous night.  She was the best listener, reacting and making sympathizing sounds as needed.  “Robin I was this fucking close to kissing him and I’m kicking myself over the fact that I didn’t!!  He’s so beautiful and kind and he is so funny and I just want to kiss him again!”

“You are definitely the same Steve that dated Nancy Wheeler because, Steve, you are obsessive, my friend.”

Steve let out a guttural sound, flopping back on the bed from where he was sitting beside Robin.  She flopped back with him.

“Can’t I just be normal about my crushes?”

“No, I don’t think you can.  It's in your DNA, Stevie.”

~~~

Eddie did, in fact, make it through the school day (somehow) and now it was time for him to rot in his trailer til he had to go back to school to perform this stupidly anxiety-ridden show.

As he stepped into the usual peace and quiet of his trailer, he noticed the sound of the TV on.

“Good afternoon, Eddie, how was your day at school?”  Wayne said from the couch.  Eddie did a double take.  Wayne was never home during the day!

He rushed over and embraced Wayne, needing grounding.

Eddie sat as he said, “School was boring as ever.  I’m just stressed out about the show tonight.”

Wayne smiled, loving to hear about Eddie’s day (but never usually being able to because of his late hours).  “Well it’s a good sign that you’re stressed.  That means you care.”

“What does it matter that I care if I colossally mess up and run off stage or something?” He said as he played with his hair, chewing on the ends.

Wayne moved the hair out of his mouth, “Son, I know you.  You know this show like no one else.  You’ll be perfectly fine.  And I’ll be rooting for you from the audience.”  

“Really?  You’re going to come?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Chapter Text

Robin was crouching over a panicking Eddie minutes before they were supposed to open the house and let the surprisingly large crowd in.

“Hey, hey, it’s ok.  It’s ok to be scared, it's a scary thing.  I’m here.”  Robin whispered beside him.  They were crushed into a corner behind the prop table.  Eddie could hear the distant chatter of people, menacingly mocking him and his inexperience.  He struggled to take full breaths, gasping on an abundance of air.  “Just, you know, turn your fear into excitement!  Sometimes that works.”  She said in futility.  She was running out of things to say in an attempt to calm him down and getting desperate as she saw his entire body rapidly rise and fall in an unnatural way.  Eddie wished Steve was there.

Speak of the fuckin’ devil guess who was walking by: Steve.  

“Eddie, what’s wrong?” He said, squatting to meet them.

Robin began to try to say something but Eddie cut her off, “Nothing, I’m fine.  Everything is fine.”

“It sure doesn’t look fine.”  Steve plopped down, scriss-cross applesauce, in front of the panicked mess and reached his hand to Eddie’s heart.  “Breathe with me.  In… two… three… four… out… two… three… four…”

They stay like that for a long time, just breathing in time.  Eddie’s heaving breaths slowed and met Steve’s guided counts after a while.  Eddie was secretly both freaking out and reveling in Steve’s hand there.  Inside it was a battle of ‘Oh fuck he’s touching me’, ‘ Fuck , don’t think about it, he can feel if your heartrate spikes’, ‘I wish I could sit here forever, if that means he would stay touching me forever’, and ‘That’s corny as fuck when did you become such a sap?’

Eddie finally met Steve’s eyes, “Thank you… again.”

“I mean, I can’t have my scene partner panicking on me when we gotta act like lovestruck fools, now could I?  Lovers are supposed to feel comfortable with one another, not panicked.”

Robin gave Steve a loud look.  Steve did his very best to ignore it.

Eddie watched as Steve’s ears turned red.  It was so fuckin’ cute holy shit .  “Anyways, ready to be the Orpheus to my Eurydice?”

The now-not-freaking-out (externally) replied, “I don’t know, are you ready to get seranaded the fuck out of?”

~~~

Eddie didn’t enter until halfway through the opening number so he had time to take one more deep breath and then he strode on.  He was introduced and as he did a low bow, spotting Wayne in the audience as he came back up.  He smiled a little wider and felt good about his presence.  Everyone else could go fuck themselves because the only person he card about was there.

The first few numbers were a bit clunky on his part.  Too much thinking about lines and melodies and strumming the right chord, but he got the hang of it once he stopped thinking and started just enjoying being someone else for a little while.  Also, it helped that all of his scenes were shared with Steve.  Whenever he flubbed a line or screwed up in some way, Steve was there to swoop in, like the knight in shining armor he is, and save it via improvisation.  He could relax because his beautiful Eurydice had his back.  

During Wedding Song is when he really settled into the role.  Maybe it was Steve calling him ‘lover’ or the playful banter, but he really leaned into his head-over-heels total dork-in-love hopeless romantic persona that he so missed from his childhood.  He felt like Orpheus when he fawned and promised, oblivious that his naivety had consequences.  It was a feeling he dearly missed and he truly enjoyed experiencing.  

Steve noticed how Eddie’s shoulders relaxed a hair, too.  He, in turn, started to mess with him a bit and changed up the blocking a bit, pulling his Orpheus into a fun little spin.  He knew Nancy would hate it, but she couldn’t do a damn thing at the moment.  Steve was just having too much fun.  And he was enjoying making Eddie a little flustered as he unnecessarily touched his thigh or cupped his face.  His red-faced reactions only fueled Steve to do it more, forcing this beautiful hue to don the other’s face.  

Eddie was gonna kill Steve.  For real this time.  This asshole just kept fucking with him.  Does he realize they are in front of a crowd?  A crowd in which has a lot of people such as Eddie’s father-like uncle or Steve’s own parents or fuckin’ Dustin ??  But at the same time, Steve was so hot in black.  The Eurydice costume was a tight ( tight ) pair of ripped jeans and a mesh shirt.  Nothing was left to the imagination.  How could he not resist playing along a little bit?

They got really into it by Epic I and Livin’ It Up on Top.  Eddie poured his heart and soul into Epic I, singing as he’d never sung before.  Steve was stunned at his breath-taking display and broke character staring at Eddie’s lips as they formed the phrases that pleased his ears.  Then Livin’ It Up was starting, always the fun acting cool-down number.  In this one, all they had to do was laugh and smile and act a little drunk.  Easy.

But Steve just couldn’t stop staring at Eddie (his Eddie) as he spoke his favorite line in the show.

“And if no one takes too much, there will always be enough.  And she will always fill our cups.  And we will always… raise them up.”  He looked out on the audience, eyes full of purpose when he delivered, “To the world we dream about and… the one we live in now.”

Then they soon broke back into roaring laughter and singing but his delivery stuck with Steve.  The way he spoke like he fully understood how fucked everything was but somehow was still hopeful for a bright future.  He knew Eddie was a big dreamer by now but to still hold hope for a better tomorrow?  That was tough.  Who was Eddie?  He wanted to know more and was pissed he hadn’t already memorized his every hope and dream.

Then the intro to All I’ve Ever Known.  All of the ensemble filed out, leaving Steve and Eddie alone on stage for the first time.  They were exposed to the audience as they began to sing this song of unruly trust and fated love.  Both of them so attune with one another that the audience and the world beyond them fell away.  It was them two alone in this little dance, toeing the line between Orpheus and Eurydice and Steve and Eddie.  At some point, they crossed it.  Suddenly it was Steve and Eddie staring at one another, locked in each other's arms.  Then the music swelled around them as they sang inches from the other, both pairs of eyes unable to settle between eyes and lips.  And they both leaned in, harmony filling the space between their mouths in elegant waves.  

And then, in front of their friends and family, they kissed as the final notes of the song played out.  Eddie leaned into it, sliding one hand onto the slutty curve of Steve’s back, forcing them to be ever closer whilst luxuriously enjoying every moment that they had there.  Then he swiped his tongue across Steve’s unfortunately closed lips and it prompted Steve to pull back unexpectedly.  Then Eddie remembered.  There were people watching.  A lot of people, actually.

Eddie smirked that smirk at Steve, still firmly holding his waist in the most possessive way imaginable, and he whispered, knowing that his mic had been turned off by the lovely stand-in Robin, “We’ll continue this later.”  

While Steve externally turned a bright shade of red, Eddie internally freaks the fuck out .  But he has to get his mind back on the show, unfortunately, so this freak out had to be postponed (if that’s even possible).  He stood up, head fuckin’ spinning from the absurd rate in which his heart was pumping, and offered a familiar hand to Steve.  They stood up and then promptly got back into character.  This was almost worse, though, because Eddie then had to hold and hug and drape himself over his Eurydice for the next five minutes.  This time, in character, but Eddie was still underneath the theatrics ruthlessly screaming.

~~~

The rest of the show was mostly uneventful to both of their dismays.  But maybe making out in front of everyone they remotely cared about was not the best way to spend their evenings.  And that’s disregarding the fact that Steve hadn’t even come out yet - which was a whole other issue all together.  But they would work through it together.  

Then, inexplicably, it was bows.  And the show was over.  Makeup off.  Costumes off.  Lights off.  

Eddie did a quick once over of his carefully constructed sound board that Robin had to learn how to use, to make sure she didn’t change or move or do absolutely anything to it.  She hadn’t.  Then he was off, heart pounding in a panic at facing everyone.  Specifically Wayne.

“Eddie!” A warm, worn voice called.  Eddie ran over but stopped short, looking at Wayne expectantly.  “What do you want me to say?  You make a cute couple.”  

Eddie covered his face, murmuring something about Wayne’s idiocy, while he was pulled into a firm, reassuring embrace.

“I don’t care who you date as long as they treat you like a million bucks and make you unendingly happy.”  Wayne smiled down at his son with pride.

Eddie soon pushed away, “God, you’re such sap.  I’m going to go find Steve now.”

Wayne smiled slyly.  But Eddie quickly vanished into the crowd.  It felt like he was back at the party and that bitter memory came rushing to the surface but he shoved it down, knowing that this time was different.  This time he stayed.  This time he wasn’t going anywhere - not on his watch.

But, as per usual, Steve was surrounded by an entire posse of fans.  Dustin was among them, of course.

“EDDIE!!” Dustin screeched, “You were fantastic!! You were literally an understudy and you fuckin’ killed it !!” Dustin threw himself into Eddie’s arms pointlessly attempting to pick the older one up and swing him around.  Then he quieted down below the lull of congratulations, “You know, I almost was convinced you and Steve were a thing,” his statement reading like a question.

Eddie sighed.  I mean, he thought, I don’t think you can take anything else away from that brash display.  But a smile unwittingly pulled on his lips, “It’s complicated but… hopefully?”

Dustin screamed excitedly again, hopping around in uncontained joy, catching the attention of the man of the hour.  His head snapped to the motion, locking on Eddie’s expression.  Now they were able to communicate silently because soon Steve understood.  Also no idea when that happened.  

“Dustin, I swear if I hear you scream one more time I’m going to tape your mouth shut.”  

The kid whipped his head around, “No you wouldn’t, you asshole.”  But the big-time celebrity was making his way over, bee-lining to a certain someone.

Steve pulled Eddie into a meaningful hug.  It felt like it said something.  They hugged for a little longer than needed, standing united against the stares and the chaos that the last week had thrown at them, leading them to this point.

“I’m so glad I got the chance to sing with you tonight,” Eddie softly commented, twirling a finger in Steve’s hair.

“I’m glad I got to kiss you again.”

Chapter Text

Unsurprisingly to everyone but Nancy, Vickie was out for the rest of the weekend.  But, on the bright side, Eddie had an excuse to kiss Steve two more times.  These were much less dramatic than the previous kiss but thrilling nonetheless.  Every time they kissed it felt like the satisfying soft click of puzzle pieces falling into place.  

Closing night was a hard one.  Months of rehearsal and work and late nights culminating in this unexpected weekend, all over.  Eddie and Steve cried in each other’s arms after the curtain closed.  Of the two, Steve was the more broken up one because, as Eddie had learned, this was Steve’s dream role.  And now it is over.  Now he’d never get to be in this time and this place again with these people.  He would never get to sing this role again and he would never get to fall in love with his crush night after night again.  

Steve still didn’t know what to call Eddie, really.  They needed a good long conversation to figure that out and now that the show was over, they had time to finally talk.

“Hey, Eddie.”  Steve called as they were both wiping off makeup side by side (or, at least, what makeup was left after Steve had balled his eyes out.

“Yes, my beautiful Eurydice?”  Eddie cooed, knowing how to fuck with Steve and still paying him back for opening night.

Steve sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Still keeping up with that?”

“Always, big boy.”

Steve’s ears turned that bright shade of red again.  His tone shifted to something more serious,  “Whatever.  Anyways - I wanted to ask if we could… talk sometime.  Maybe at my house?”

“Sure.  You thinking this weekend or sooner?”

“Sooner, my parents are in town starting Saturday so before they get home.  Tomorrow, maybe?”

Eddie grinned, “It’s a date.”

~~~

Eddie had never felt so happy and alive.  Or at least, not for a long time.  It was further back in his memory than he’d like to admit.  This unsuspecting idiot somehow unlocked a part of himself that he’d carefully put under countless locks with thrown away keys; chains and chain-link fencing surrounding his soft, emotional heart.  And now he was happy and sad and everything.  It was amazing.

Wayne noticed it big time.  He started taking some different shifts and was home for when Eddie came home after school and loved to ask his boy about his day.  Eddie regaled the events of the boorish day in detail, showing an odd but entertaining amount of details for every little thing.  It made Wayne smile and feel relief at the drastic change.

Of course, he also noticed that this change came along with Eddie’s ‘friendship’ with Steve.  He was just so happy he’d found someone - romantic or not - that made him truly happy and helped him heal after so many years.

Wayne also felt hugely better when his long-lost knife found its way back into the very junk drawer it disappeared from.  He would open it from time to time just to see if Eddie still had it, wishing he didn’t know the answer.  But seeing it back really put into perspective how much good this boy was doing for Eddie.  How much he was allowing him to live freely and unburdended again.

Steve noticed too.  Early on, he’d noticed Eddie in the hallways every once in a while, seeing his reclusive, animal-of-prey nature.  While the years had hardened him into this outgoing, humor-as-armor persona, Steve still saw through and recognized Eddie’s hidden pain.  Jokes being defense mechanisms for trauma.  He knew because he was so similar in more ways than he could name.  He knew that strained laugh and that forced smile.  He practiced them in the mirror and it hurt to see others as damaged as he is.  

But somehow, as they became friends a lot of that pain seemed to ebb away.  It was like seeing the metaphysical layers of trauma responses peel back and reveal him.  It was amazing to see him laugh more fully, smile wider, and love more deeply than he thought possible.  

He also loved discovering how sappy and sweet this metalhead was.  He was all bravado on the outside and mushy on the inside, a hopeless romantic wrapped in leather. 

This transformation was all Steve could think about but this joy was also a reminder of the pain he had also caused.  The look on Eddie’s face still haunted him and every time it intrusively popped into his head his heart panged in remorse.  That look of betrayal and sadness could never plague that man's face again, as long as Steve lived.  And that started with apologizing and talking.  Emphasis on apologizing.  So so much apologizing.

~~~

Steve (anxious from years of carefully planning how to fit in and what to say) made a list of the points he wanted to say and carefully practiced it.  He needed everything to come out just right.  He just wanted Eddie to understand how much he truly cared and how he wanted them to be ok.  The guilt he still felt wracked him and wrecked him, eating away at all hope that he and Eddie could one day date.  

It was weird to think that Steve, who had, for such a long time, been staunchly and unbearably straight, was now fantasizing about a guy who he used to make fun of.  Oh how the universe works.  He hates how, at first, he was so against it.  He was so disgusted with himself.  

But the last few weeks have really put into perspective that love isn’t about anything other than, well, love .  Which sounds so stupid now that he really thinks about it.  It feels so obvious and yet it took him such a long time to reach this conclusion.  He just wants to love and be loved and he thinks that Eddie is that person for him.  Eddie, the dorky, nerdy, weirdo he befriended, is the person that he can see himself truly happy with.

Maybe he could be the one he roadtrips and late nights with.  Camping and smores.  Seven kids and the open road.  

~~~

Eddie arrived a little late, but that was customary for him.  To be on time was to not be Eddie.  Steve welcomed him and led them to the living room.  There, they awkwardly sat down a bit too far apart on the couch.

“So,” Steve started.

“So,” Eddie echoed, sliding his hands along his jeans.

Steve put his hand in his pocket, put his hand on the folded list there as reassurance in himself.  He’d memorized it but it was there just in case.  “Eddie, I uh- wanted to start by saying I’m sorry.  I am so so sorry.  I have no excuse for running away that night and I won’t forgive myself for doing that to you.”

“No, don’t be sorry.  I’ve been in your position.  I’ve experienced what it’s like to be lonely and confused and I get why you left.  I don’t blame you and I don’t hold it against you.”  Eddie interjected, moving in closer to Steve.  Eddie pulled a leg up so he could face him.  Steve stayed firmly staring at the faded carpet.

“But you must have been so hurt and alone.  I kissed you and ran like the coward I am and I can’t even fathom how that felt on your end-”

Eddie put a hand over Steve’s mouth, silencing him.  “Steve, hon, just because my feelings may have been hurt doesn’t discard why you left.  You were in distress and questioning your own identity.  Both things matter but you can’t disregard your own feelings for someone else’s.”  Eddie shifted his hand on Steve’s thigh, a thing they started doing to ground one another during the show.  Steve focused on Eddie’s hand and breathed, but his heart woudln’t slow down to a reasonable pace.

“Ok, but that’s not all I have to say.”  

Eddie nodded in a ‘go on’ fashion.

Steve continued, a little flustered at how this conversation was not going the way he planned it, “I want to also apologize for ghosting you.  Running away was one thing.  But then proceeding to go no-contact for those two weeks?  That was not ok and I am separately sorry about that, too.”

“Don’t worry about it.  I come from a similar place and completely understand.  I just wish I could’ve been there to help you.”

Steve was getting unexpectedly frustrated now, “I can’t believe you aren’t mad at me.  I seriously was an asshole to you for two weeks and you’re just telling me it’s alright?  It’s not alright and you can admit that.  Call me an asshole!   Please don’t sit there and tell me that you were perfectly ok with how I treated you.”

“I don’t know why it’s such a big deal that I should be mad at you.  I get over things easily, let's just leave it at that.”

“Eddie, I don’t want us to ignore this and move on.  Please just aknowledge that I was a fuckin’ terrible person and call me out!  Say something!”

Eddie’s face did a thing Steve didn’t like and he starts to question why he’d even pushed the issue.  But, also, he can’t just let him skate over it and let it stew, he needed Eddie to realize his true colors now before he manipulated this beautiful man or did something worse.  Eddie spoke carefully and lowly so as to get his message across.  He was getting angry too now,  “ Steve , due to a series of events in my crappy childhood, I shrug things off easily and you should let us continue because it really isn’t a big deal.”

Eddie couldn’t believe it.  He thought he was just going to have a nice chat and then makeout session with Steve but now he’s being reprimanded for not being mad at him?  This didn’t make any fucking sense and Eddie was very done with the issue.

“But it is a big deal!  I love you and-”

Eddie cut him off, “No, Steve, stop.  You believe you are a shitty person.  All I’ve seen is a confused guy who made some stupid decisions when he panicked.  I don’t see an asshole, I see you , Steve.  In all your kind, beautiful, wonderful glory.  Sure, you make some asshole-worthy decisions but that doesn’t define you, you daft idiot.”

Steve was stunned for a moment.  He never thought about it that way.  But then, “Wait… you love me?”

Steve’s face burned hot in an instant.  The carpet was, once again, very interesting.

Eddie laughed through a combination of emotions, “You know what, you are an asshole for accidentally letting that slide like the romcom main character you are, lover boy.”

Steve buried his head in his hands, wanting to collapse in on himself.  Eddie leaned over to put his head level with Steve’s, “Hey, if it makes you feel any better… I think I love you too.”  Eddie leaned and bumped Steve’s shoulder, jostling his hands away from his tomato red face.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Steve sighed, “Maybe we’re both assholes.”

“Oh, we are definitely both assholes, but I think that’s why we were drawn together.  You could say our love was… fated.” Eddie laughed more than he should’ve, still red-faced Steve reluctantly joining him.  

Their laughter slowly petered out so Eddie almost joked, “Do you have any more things that I just need to get upset about?”

“Well… The last thing that I need to say is sorry for kissing you on opening night.  I don’t know, I felt like I forced it on you and I know you kissed me back but I was just worried that-”

Eddie shut him up by jamming his mouth to the motor-mouth’s lips.  Steve made a surprised sound but swiftly pressed further into the kiss.  Eddie’s hands found themselves in Steve’s beautiful hair and on Steve’s waist.  Both further slotted their bodies together, a need pulling them to be closer.  Like on that fateful opening night, Steve was pushed back but he didn’t pull back this time.  This time Eddie ended on top of Steve on the couch, kissing every inch of the other’s mouth in revelation.

Then Eddie’s mouth began to roam.  First around Steve’s gorgeous, perfect facial features.  Then this led him to the jaw where he relished in the cut of his jaw.  As he started towards the neck, he looked up, looking for confirmation.  A miniscule nod allowed Eddie to begin sucking on the tender flesh on Steve’s neck, wanting to leave a mark.  He wanted someone to see Steve and know he was there.  He wanted to leave something that screamed ‘mine, hands the fuck off’.  

Eddie got to Steve’s collarbones when a, “I think that’s enough for me today, “rang from above.  While disappointed, he crawled up and laid his chin on Steve’s chest, body fully draped over the other’s.

“Is this alright, King Stevie?”  He whispered.

A nod again sufficed so the two laid there in one another’s warmth, lazing the rest of the day away.  It felt right and good to be in each other’s arms and neither would want it any other way.

Steve thought for a long time about his big dream.  Of an RV, an adventure, and someone to share it with.  He could so easily picture Eddie sitting with him, introducing him to music he’d never heard and enjoying watching as Eddie animatedly talked about this or that.  Steve really liked this fantasy.  It was tangible.  It was possible.

“Hey, Eddie, do you want to go on a road trip with me?”