Work Text:
Lukey was in the lab when it happened. He’s almost always in the lab, so it’s not much of a surprise. His death wasn’t really a surprise at all, at least not to him. Bad had made the signs evident, just as he did every time before. It wasn’t like it was hard to tell when the corrupted demon was wanting to take Lukey’s life, monotone voice filled with some sort of subtle malice that came from the corruption.
The truth of it all, was that Lukey’s death was an intimate choice. A question that the universe had asked him, where he looked within himself to find an answer, and then acted. He took off that armor. He knew what would happen from there.
He knew all this, as he floated in the void of the Null, refraining from a respawn for a short while to just exist in such a non-existent state. He knew all his reasons for making that decision. He could admit them to himself, he wasn’t stupid enough not to. But that didn’t mean he would or could admit them to others. This was something that he would hold close to his chest, just as he did with most things of this matter. Things that would hurt him or others if he spoke them too loudly into the universe.
»»————- ➴ ————-««
Lukey works with the creakings in the new part of the lab, just like he did the other day. The quest goals needed to be met, so making the resin farm was just something that needed being done. It was also something that kept him busy, kept his mind off all the thoughts and feelings in his head.
Out of the corner of his eye he sees Pangi walk into the room, full netherite armor equipped and sunglasses on, just like always. Lukey steals a breath, inhaling sharply as Pangi approaches. Nobody on the server knew he was back yet. Well at least none bar Pili, who had messaged him some threats while no one else was online. This was the first time he was going to talk to Pangi since… yeah.
“Hey man, it’s good to see you,” Pangi says. He casually crosses his arms as he stands, looking around the resin farm, then back to Lukey. Lukey could tell he was trying to be chill, but the tension was practically radiating off him, his shoulders tight and his teeth clenched. Lukey knew Pangi well enough to know when he was relaxed, and this was very much not that.
Lukey subconsciously pulls his butterfly knife out of his pocket and starts nervously fidgeting with it, flipping the blade in and out of the handle. “Hey, yeah, good to see you too. It’s been a bit,” Lukey responds, trying to be equally as nonchalant back.
Pangi hums in response, staring at Lukey’s face from behind his sunglasses. Lukey half wishes Pangi would take them off so he could see his eyes, read what lurks within them. But he also knew that the emotional connection eye contact brought would bring a whole new level of intensity to their conversation. So he was content without it.
“I mean yeah, you’ve been gone for like, what, three days? You’ve missed a lot,” Pangi says. Lukey winces slightly, hearing the frustration in Pangi’s tone. The creakings were all standing nearby around the two, not moving any closer due to them being in the boys’ fields of vision. Even with the ever threatening presence of the mobs, Lukey felt safer with Pangi there, no matter the tension.
“I’ve been busy… the resin farm and all, you know. What stuff did I miss?”
Pangi huffs. “Well, I talked to Aimsey and Water about the plan with the OSC. They both agreed to it, surprisingly. We have a good team for it now,” Pangi says, looking around at the creakings once more. “Plus, now we have you back,” Pangi mutters as a side note.
“Wait, what? Now you have me back? What’s that supposed to mean?” Lukey asks, a sinking feeling in his stomach starting to form.
“Hey man, you didn’t come back after you died. No respawn, no nothing. I thought that… maybe you weren’t gonna come back. That you were gone,” Pangi says. The hurt is evident in his tone, and it makes Lukey want to close the space between them and crush him with a hug. He doesn’t though.
Pangi starts to walk back towards the entrance of the room slowly, Lukey strolling a bit behind. “Aww, I didn’t know you would worry that much about me coming back. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to say bye when I go. You’ll know when.” Lukey couldn’t help but think this was the wrong thing to say, it hurt his heart a bit just to hear himself say it. His hunch is further proven by Pangi’s fist clenching as he hears it. He had said it to put that barrier down, that they were going to have to say bye at one point. At least that’s what he told himself. It didn’t matter if it hurt him, hurt Pangi, this was the reality they were in, and it’s better to live in reality than delusion.
“Oh, and my house got blown up,” Pangi mentions.
“It blew up?”
“Yeah. You know what, I’ll take you there. Then you can see for yourself.” The creakings disappear as Pangi says this, setting a finality to his tone. Pangi turns back to Lukey, smirking. “That moment just had so much aura,” he jokes.
Lukey grins back, giggling a bit. “Yeah, definitely aura.” Just having that small smile on his face felt like something to treasure. It felt like it had been so long since he got to smile at something so silly.
»»————- ➴ ————-««
Pangi and Lukey exit the lab and hop into a boat to get back to spawn, since Lukey still doesn’t have his elytra back. Pangi starts driving them back as a heavy silence falls on them, both thinking through so much.
“Wait, so how did your house get blown up? Do you know who it was?” Lukey asks.
“It was Pili,” Pangi responds immediately.
“Do you know why he would do that?”
Lukey hears Pangi take a sharp inhale. He lets Lukey’s words linger in the air, and Lukey knows that Pangi’s thinking through what he should and shouldn’t say. Lukey knows because he does it too, all the time. It’s like their little game of giving half-truths or lies of omission to each other as their form of communication. Trusting each other enough to actually be truthful without disclosing all the information. It was second nature to both of them, Lukey was sure of this. That didn’t make it any less painful sometimes.
“I blew up his house. I’m so tired of him. I hate him,” Pangi responds after a minute, the venom of his words hitting Lukey in surprise.
Lukey narrows his eyes in thought, looking at the land of spawn as it gets closer. “Why the change in heart? I thought you were… kind of, on the fence with Pili?”
Pangi supplies no answer by the time they make it to the shore. They walk together over to where Pangi’s house had been, in its place standing a much smaller shack that looks hastily put together.
“Well, here we are,” Pangi says, his tone a little defeated, gesturing to the shack.
Lukey could have just let his previous question go, but he had hit something important in Pangi for that stoic silence. So, he pushed further. “You’ve been in this stalemate with Pili for a while… What made you crack?”
Pangi’s head snaps over to look at Lukey, a frown creasing his brow. He stares for a bit, and they both stand there, just looking at each other.
“Let’s head in,” Pangi says.
Lukey nods, following Pangi inside. The house is nothing like the house that had just been blown up. The walls are barren of chests, the only thing in the building being a table with two chairs on either side of it. Pangi sits down in a seat and then nods at the other one, trying to get Lukey to sit down. Lukey obliges, sliding into the chair and folding his hands on the table.
The thick silence from earlier returns as they both stare down, waiting for the other to say something. Pangi caves first.
“Do you wanna know the truth? I cracked because of you. You’d died. Died, Lukey. Bad killed you. On Pili’s word.”
Lukey looks up at Pangi, surprised by such a vulnerable confession. Pangi bites the inside of his cheek and starts to fiddle with his hands.
“I went into a fit of rage, I guess. You deserve to be fought for. So I got Water and Aimsey and went to hunt down Bad. And it didn’t work. We fought him, Water almost died, but he got away. I had to do something with all that frustration, so I went and blew up Pili’s house,” Pangi continues, gazing far off into the distance through a window by the table.
Honesty. Pangi was being honest with him. Lukey didn’t know what he was even supposed to think or say. Pangi wasn’t one to not take credit for his actions, but he certainly didn’t go around giving away his motive if it meant something to him deep down.
The vulnerability that Pangi had shown in that moment was something that made Lukey feel so loved. Lukey could do nothing but stare at the other boy, his heart clenching a bit at just how much he appreciated him. How much he… loved him.
Pangi, to Lukey’s dismay, didn’t return his gaze. He just sat there, contemplating, looking out the window.
“Why did you take off your armor, Lukey?” The moment is broken and Lukey’s eyes widen at the question. Pangi turns his head to look at him, and Lukey can feel the intensity of his gaze.
“What do you mean?” Lukey responds, trying his best to not give away any hesitation he had with his answer.
Pangi flexes his hand in frustration and says, “Dude, you know exactly what I mean. I know you took your armor off. I found your boots in a chest. That’s how Bad killed you. Why? Why do that?”
Lukey knew he couldn’t tell the truth. Not the full truth. Even though Pangi had just given him so much truth, he couldn’t return the favor. He never could.
“Bad said he would repair it. My armor was so close to breaking, so I thought I would take him up on the offer.”
Pangi scoffs. “I know you’re not that stupid.”
Narrowing his eyes, Lukey looks down at the table, thinking through what all he should disclose. “Bad’s been trying to kill me for a while, and just didn’t follow through. I was testing him, to see if the corruption would really make him do it.”
“Wow, you really are a hamster. But that’s not all. Tell me,” Pangi prompts, crossing his arms again. Lukey knew Pangi could tell he was holding back, he was hoping Pangi wouldn’t push it. Of course his hopes are immediately denied.
Lukey takes his time answering once again. The more Pangi dug, the closer to the heart of the issue he got, and Lukey did not want to go there. If he reveals layers of motivation for his death slowly, easing into each of them, then maybe Pangi would stop before he reached the center. “I also was thinking about how it could motivate everyone. It brought Water and Aimsey onto the team, it got you to decide to go against Pili. It had its profitable aspects. I also got to have a long overdue conversation, which was good.”
“With the high keepers?” Pangi asks immediately.
“You’re quick witted,” Lukey says with a smirk.
“Yeah, yeah, I know. What happened in that conversation?”
Lukey raises an eyebrow and says, “Not anything you need to know right now. I’ll let you know when the time comes.”
Pangi grumbles something under his breath that Lukey doesn’t care to try and understand. After that Pangi refrains from saying anything else for a bit, and Lukey starts to feel a small wave of relief wash over him.
“Lukey,” Pangi says, pulling Lukey’s attention back to solely him. The pangolin hybrid’s finger taps on the table in a steady beat as he studies Lukey. Lukey feels his insides churn as Pangi continues to stare at him, the previous relief falling away for an intense feeling of anxiety. It was like Pangi was stalking his prey, studying it, figuring out the best way to approach for optimal results.
Pangi takes his sunglasses, carefully setting them down on the table. He reaches across the table and gently grabs Lukey’s hands in his.
“Look at me, Lukey,” he says gently.
Lukey can feel Pangi’s hands wrapped around his, like a warm cocoon of safety grounding him. Lukey looks up at Pangi and straight into his eyes. One a sapphire blue, the other a deep violet from the corruption, a reminder of what they’ve been through. Lukey always thought Pangi’s eyes were pretty, and that fact doesn’t change now. It feels so intimate to hold eye contact with him, especially with how little he takes off his sunglasses.
Pangi grins and lets out a soft chuckle. “You look so stupid,” he says. To the average person it would sound like a joke or an insult, but Lukey knew it wasn’t. The words were dripping with affection and adoration that Pangi held in a special part of his heart just for Lukey.
Lukey feels himself smile a little, a subconscious reaction of his whenever Pangi gets like this.
“I know there’s more. You can tell me,” Pangi says softly. Lukey’s smile falters, feeling his anxiety rise again.
“No, I really can’t,” he responds, because he knows there’s no use in lying to Pangi. Pangi knows there’s another reason, and denying it would get them nowhere, so all Lukey can do is withhold it.
Pangi squeezes his hands, trying to comfort him. “But you can, Lukey. You can tell me anything, I swear.”
Lukey tries to pull his hands away, shaking his head, but Pangi just holds on tighter. Lukey can look anywhere but Pangi’s face now, knowing it would be too painful. He couldn’t put the weight of all he felt on Pangi, on anyone. The reason he let Bad kill him. What pushed him over the edge. What caused him to throw his life away so carelessly.
Some part of him wishes he could tell Pangi. His safe place, his home, yet he won’t express what weighs him down and tears him apart right now. He so badly wishes to be honest for once, to not suffer alone.
“Bad… caught me at a time of weakness,” Lukey says, putting extra care into his words.
Pangi frowns a little, thinking. “Can you explain what that means to me? I’m not sure I follow.”
Lukey clenches his teeth and looks down at their hands. How carefully Pangi held his, just enough to ground Lukey, enough to stop him from running.
“I want to know. So I can help in whatever way I can. I know something’s wrong. Whatever it is, I can take it. Your struggles and emotions aren’t a burden, not to me. You are not a burden, Lukey.”
And with those words, Lukey felt his will to hide it all deteriorate.
“I think it was our conversation that we had. Before it happened…” Lukey says slowly.
Pangi makes no move to respond, which is so unlike him, but he just nods, urging Lukey to continue.
“I mean, you’re leaving me. You need to go back to Lifesteal. You have a home where you belong. I know I said it’s okay, that I’ve accepted that we have to part ways, but honestly I might have just been saying that for your benefit. You mean the world to me. And you’re just gonna leave it all behind, because that’s what you have to do. We’re going to blow up the world and then everyone is going to leave me. Because everyone else has somewhere to go. I have nowhere, no other people to be with, no place to call home other than the walls of this lab. So maybe, after that conversation, I felt some part of myself die with it. My will to try so hard in everything felt so weak, and when Bad showed up I fell prey to it all, I stopped trying to protect myself. I think some part of me urged me to take the easy way out of the pain, to just die. So I did.”
Lukey didn’t cry, he wasn’t one to cry often, if ever. He just spelled it all out for Pangi, put his feelings out there as best he could. It isn’t something he does often, and he doesn’t intend on changing that. But a weight feels lifted from his shoulders, even just a little bit.
Pangi takes a deep breath, still holding onto Lukey’s hands. Lukey almost fears that Pangi will overreact, that he will get upset and worsen the situation. Instead, he stands up and walks over to Lukey’s side of the table. He gently tugs on Lukey’s hands to get him to stand.
They both stand there for a second, until Pangi pulls him into his embrace, wrapping his arms around Lukey. One hand brushes through Lukey’s hair softly. Lukey stands still, just feeling Pangi’s presence all around him, and slowly starts to relax into the hug.
“I will protect you,” Pangi says softly after a bit, still running his hand through Lukey’s hair.
“Hmm?” Lukey questions slightly, the sound of it almost buried into the crook of Pangi’s neck.
“If you don’t have the will to protect yourself, I will protect you.”
Lukey pulls away from the hug a bit, or as much as Pangi will let him. He looks up at those bright eyes. “It’s okay. I have the will to protect myself now,” Lukey says.
Pangi shakes his head and gently tugs Lukey back into the embrace, leaving a soft kiss on Lukey’s cheek. “Still. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you then. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you were struggling. I swear I will always protect you, till the very last moment we see each other. And even after, when I can’t be around you, I’ll still be protecting you, in whatever way I can. I will never leave you,” Pangi whispers.
There’s the light sound of nails on metal as Lukey tries to grab on tighter to Pangi, but he finds no purchase on the armor.
Pulling away, Pangi says, “Here, let me…” and starts to take off his armor, leaving himself vulnerable in just his normal clothes. Lukey goes to take off his own armor. After Pangi’s done setting his own armor down, he helps Lukey with his too, hands brushing each other as they unfasten buckles and slide off the diamond armor. They set both sets of armor nearby, just in case there comes a danger that they need to protect themselves from.
Pangi pulls Lukey back into the hug again, this time burying his face into Lukey’s hair. “I know we have to part ways eventually, Lukey, and I’m so sorry we do. I wish I didn’t have to go. But I’ll find my way back to you, I know I will. But for now… we can spend our time in the present. With our friends, and our home, and each other.”
Lukey pulls away once more to look Pangi in the eyes. He doesn’t have much to say in response. He’s overwhelmed by the support Pangi is giving him, and can’t help but feel like he isn’t worth it all. But Pangi’s presence assures him that he is, that his life has worth to so many people. He won’t just disappear into time and space as everyone continues on into the wide universe of life. There will be memories, visits to plan with his friends off in other worlds, and a whole future within his grasp that he can build to be his own.
So, he says the only thing he can. “I love you, Pangi.”
Pangi’s eyes widen. After all, Lukey had always been the one that couldn’t say it. Up until now. Pangi blinks a few times, his jaw hanging open a little in shock.
Lukey takes his hand and closes Pangi’s gaping mouth with a huge smile on his face. “Always have and always will,” he says softly. It felt so nice to be able to say it. Something he’s felt for so long, lingering behind his lips, left unsaid for months because he just couldn’t.
Pangi is left stuttering for a second, trying to reel in his thoughts and words to make something coherent. “Oh my god. Lukey. You-”
Pangi cuts himself off, cupping either side of Lukey’s face in his hands and closing their distance with a kiss. Lukey feels himself melt into it effortlessly. The kiss is firm and loving, yet gentle all the same. So full of warmth and love that the two held for each other. Lukey buries one hand in the hair at the nape of Pangi’s neck, the other holding onto the back of Pangi’s shirt.
After a few moments they both pull away, cheeks rosy with life and matching grins on their faces.
“I love you too. I love you so much,” Pangi says, still a little breathless.
Lukey pulls them back into a tight hug, holding onto each other with the desperation of wanting to stay in this moment forever.
“I know you do, Pangi. And I love you for that.”