Chapter Text
May 14th, 2025
The Day of the Orphanage Fire
Six months.
Six months Bobby has been in the world longer than Athena. Longer than his beloved 118 family. Maybe this next bottle of bourbon might finally do him in. He could catch a bus down to Vermont and 62nd where he knows he can score a handful of Oxy with no issue. If he had enough will, enough drive… he knows he could finally do it.
His hands shake as he reaches for a handle of bourbon off the shelf of his usual liquor store. Bobby’s feet drug across the linoleum floor and his eyes are having a hard time adjusting to the harsh fluorescent lighting that illuminates the aisle. The light right above the register is flashing at random intervals, like maybe it’s calling for help.
Replace me. Help me. Put me out of my misery.
There’s a bead of sweat that makes it’s way down Bobby’s temple to his chin. The sweat is starting to pool in his t-shirt. He wore black to try not to be too obvious. The cashier pays no attention, willing to sell a bottle to any soul that blows in the door with enough money to cover the bill.
Bobby isn’t the faulty light. He wouldn’t ask for help, not from the cashier or anyone else. It’s his own free will that has him pushing the bottle with his sweat soaked hand across the counter. Bobby’s own fault for yanking his wallet from his back pocket. When the corner catches on his pocket, he thinks he might scream. He grinds his jaw to keep his annoyance inside and fishes out his credit card. As he was about to tap the card to the keypad, his phone rings.
He almost ignores it.
Nothing matters. No one he loves is on the other end of that line. Bobby made sure of that in the way he handled his last encounter with Buck. It’s his own fault that there’s no one left.
As he regained his strength to lower the card, the phone buzzes louder in sync with the faulty light. It could be a sign. After all, Bobby is still a religious man. A sinner undeserving of forgiveness, now and forever.
“Sorry, just one second.” Bobby practically groans in annoyance, putting the card on the counter to answer the call.
“Hello there. Is this Robert Nash?” A woman’s voice came through the speaker. Rustling and beeping all around her.
“Yes, this is he.” His voice cracked.
“This is Nurse Simmons from First Presbyterian. I’m calling on behalf of Evan Buckley. You’re listed as his emergency contact.” As the nurse spoke, Bobby was shocked that Buck wouldn’t have changed his emergency contact. Then the worry set in, “He was brought in about thirty minutes ago via ambulance. He is in the ICU being treated for some third degree burns. He is stable and resting, but there was significant damage to his left ear.” Buck was hurt. Again. Probably doing something very… Buck.
“But he’s stable?” The tears that started to make their way out of the corner of Bobby’s eye was involuntary. Come to think of it… it may have been more sweat.
“Yes, sir. He’s in room 115 if you’d like to see him. Thank you.” With that she hung up. Busy as ever in the hospital. On to the next call. Bobby’s eyes went wide staring between the black phone screen and the bottle of bourbon the cashier didn’t look too pleased to still be holding.
“I — I…” Bobby started to stutter to no one in particular. The light above the cashier felt like it was flickering faster. Now in time with his elevated heart rate. A sign. He quickly swiped his card and ran as fast as he could from the liquor store back to his car in the parking lot.
Bobby’s headache only got worse as he drove, each and every passing street lamp felt like it was burning a new hole in his frontal lobe. Finally, after what felt like hours he was walking the halls of the ICU floor.
“Hey! Excuse me! You can’t be wandering the halls.” A nurse called from the nurse’s station.
“I’m here for Evan Buckley.” Bobby spoke as he walked down the hall, looking from room 115.
The nurse was now right behind him, “Are you family?” She asks, clearly becoming frustrated.
“Yes.” Well it wasn’t not true. They were family, they even bled enough together to be considered blood family.
She scoffed, clearly not believing him, “What’s your relation?”
“I’m his father. Please, where is he?” Okay, that wasn’t true in the traditional sense, but it didn’t matter. He needed to get eyes on Buck, make sure he was stable. Finally, he spotted room 115 and decided to just walk right in.
There Buck was. Sitting upright in the hospital bed. His head wrapped a few times in gauze, the white fabric covering the entirety of his left ear. Clearly the brunt of whatever happened occurred on his back. Bobby could see from his position in the doorway that the majority of the gauze was on his back.
“Sir, is this man your father?” The nurse asked from the doorway as Bobby made his way to the seat next to Buck’s bed.
“Yes…” Coughs racked Buck’s body as he tried to speak. With every wet sound that escaped the younger man’s throat, Bobby felt them in his chest. “Yes, he’s my father.” Buck confirmed for a final time, the nurse rolling her eyes upon exit. When the door finally closed Bobby could feel Buck’s eyes raking over him. Bobby didn’t dare try to meet Buck’s gaze. Couldn’t handle the pain in them that doesn’t belong to the burns. It had been a month since they last saw each other or spoke. Bobby thought it would be the last time.
Bobby was too far gone to remember the entire conversation, but sometimes when he focuses he gets clips. Almost like when a scratched DVD would skip.
“Bobby, c’mon just come home with me and we can get you cleaned up.”
“This is where I want — I want — to be! I don’t want to be with you! You aren’t my family!” Bobby screamed at Buck in the crowded bar at the edge of town, far from the 118 response zone. Buck tried to grab onto Bobby’s shoulders, but Bobby slipped off the bar stool with enough force to shove Buck into a table. Glass shattered behind him. Bobby was so out of it he didn’t register what he said or what he was doing. Buck straightened himself up, gave one more pleading look, and left.
“I’m sorry, kid. I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” The crying immediately started. Bobby leaned forward to clutch on to Buck’s left hand. Tears mixing with some sweat coating the injured man’s hands. Bobby couldn’t help but think he wasn’t a father to Buck, didn’t deserve to even be his captain anymore. He was no better than Phillip Buckley… absent. “What can I do… what can I do for you?” Bobby sobbed. He would do anything for Buck. His only remaining family. His kid in ever way that mattered. Another person he owed a penance.
“Kids.” Buck coughed out.
A spark of hope lighted in his chest, or maybe it was the heart palpitation, but either way Bobby asked, “You want me to stay with the kids?” He could do that. Bobby loved those kids, he hadn’t seen May or Harry in a couple months. More people he might have the chance to make up to. Alas, Buck vigorously shook his head no.
“Go tell the kids. May will stay…” More coughs racked his body from the smoke inhalation. The feeling in his chest didn’t subside, Bobby realizes it was definitely the heart palpitations. He simply put his hand on Buck’s leg in acknowledgment. It wasn’t big, but it was everything to Bobby. A step… a sign.
Bobby pulled his shoulders back, wiped a few tears from his face and promised to be back as soon as he told the kids. Leaving Buck in that hospital bed felt like leaving a piece of his heart. The one of three pieces he had left. The rest had long since shriveled up and were buried along with ever other person he’s ever loved.
It didn’t take long to make it to Eddie’s house, an eerie feeling crawling up the back of Bobby’s neck. He had been here for celebrations, to help Eddie in his darkest times… now the man was gone in the wind like the rest of their family. It was Buck’s house now, but it would never stop being Eddie’s house. Buck probably felt the exact same way.
In another life, Bobby had a key to the door. Would have been welcomed to walk right in. Not now, now he has to knock and wait for the answer.
The door flung open, May standing frantically in the doorway, “Bobby?”
“Hi May.” It was getting hard to contain his emotions, but he had to try. Buck gave Bobby a job to do, tell the kids. What if they wouldn’t listen to him? What if they yelled? What if —
Before he had more time to think about all the ways this could go wrong, May lunged from the door to wrap her arms around Bobby’s neck. She snuggled into his chest. Stunned, Bobby loosely wrapped his arms around her upper back.
“I’m so glad you’re okay!” May started as she pulled back, “Have you heard from…” She trailed off seeing the look in his eye. May peered back into the house before stepping out onto the front porch and softly closing the door behind him. “How bad is it?”
“He’s stable. Some 3rd degree burns on his back, but they are small enough they should heal on their own. There was…” Bobby took a deep breathe in, “His left ear is significantly damaged. I don’t know anything else.”
“I’ve got to get down there and see him. He shouldn’t be sitting all alone. I —“ May was starting to panic. Bobby clutched her shoulders, it felt like old times.
“He wants you to stay here with the kids. I’m going to head back to the hospital and sit with him.” He couldn’t help it, there was a strand of hair that fell towards her eye, he had to tuck it behind her ear. The moment of tenderness was interrupted by a deeper voice coming from the door.
“No way, we want to go see him. We can all go so no one has to stay.” Harry was standing in the now open door with every single child of his late friends standing around him. Christopher standing further back to have room for his crutches, Jee-Yun holding on to Harry’s leg, Denny with a hand on Harry’s shoulder, and Mara hugging tight into Denny’s side. They look petrified. Bobby wonders how long they had been waiting for Buck to get home.
Bobby wanted to say yes. He wanted to take them to Buck, but that’s not what Buck asked of him and Bobby wasn’t planning to make any more missteps. “I’m sorry guys. Buck can’t have more than one visitor right now. When he’s moved to another floor that allows more visitors, you guys can come see him.”
“Fuck, that means it’s really bad.” Christopher swears out, moving back into the house to pace. Bobby didn’t say ICU or 3rd degree burns in front of the group, but Christopher had been through enough to know what no visitors means. Between his mother’s death, his father’s shooting, and Buck’s coma, Bobby had no chance to fool him.
“I want Uncle Buck!” Jee-Yun’s lip started to tremble. Fuck was right, Bobby was starting to lose control of the situation. Maybe with everything they’ve been through, they should get to know the details.
“Alright, let’s go in and sit down. You guys eat dinner yet?” It was late, probably past 9 at this point.
“I’m sorry, I was making calls trying to find out where Buck was, I started something but we all got distracted.” May rubs her face with her hands, clearly overwhelmed. So much being on her shoulders these days.
Bobby ushered them all inside. The house was still as he remembered, but it felt more like a cereal box than a home. There was a single bed in the living room, blankets and pillows on the couch where someone was clearly staying, and finally an air mattress pushed up against the wall in the corner. The pile of shoes by the front door was immaculate, no particular organization just a pile of all different shapes and sizes. It almost felt suffocating with the amount of stuff in the house. The kids took what Bobby supposes were usual spots around the tiny dinning room table. It wasn’t truly tiny when it was Eddie and Chris before, but now with six kids crowded around, a few in camping chairs, it felt like it was made for ants.
Bobby went quick, putting together some sandwiches and chips for the kids. Nothing fancy, just enough to get the job done. When he opened the fridge to grab any meat available, he saw two beers left of a six pack. It was the fancy brand that Buck liked, but Bobby wouldn’t discriminate if he had the choice. Maybe he could grab it on his way out, stash it and drink it in the parking lot before he went back in to see Buck. Not even the whole bottle, just enough to stop the sweating. Another sob from Jee at the table about Uncle Buck pulled Bobby out for the rabbit hole. What was he thinking? He needed to focus.
As they ate, Bobby told them about Buck. How he seemed emotionally and physically when he saw him. The burns that were clearly on his back and then lastly about his ear.
“Will he be able to hear?” Surprisingly Mara was the one to ask, Bobby couldn’t remember if he had ever heard her speak before.
“I’ll be sure to ask the doctors when I get back.” Bobby tried to smile at her, but her face never changed. A stone cold demeanor that reminded him of Athena’s.
They wrapped up dinner and Bobby made sure they were all set to go before leaving them in May’s care. Harry walked him out to his car.
“Uh… good to see you Bobby.” Is what Harry could say, no hug like May, no genuine relief in his voice.
“You too, kid.” Bobby placed a hand on Harry’s shoulder, some contact, but nothing overbearing. Harry placed his hand on top of Bobby’s, another step. Something Bobby could work with.
“Take care of Buck for us. We can’t lose him too.” Bobby swallowed hard. He just shook his head, afraid a tumble of apologies would leave his mouth if he opened it.
Sorry your mom is gone. Sorry I couldn’t save her. Sorry that I left too.
With one last shared glance, Bobby ducked into his car. Leaving the other two pieces of his heart safe in Eddie’s house.
His headache was splitting at this point and his heart felt like it was actually going to beat out of his chest. It’s like the night was never ending, but eventually he was dragging himself back into Buck’s room.
Buck wasn’t resting when he walked in. It would be hard for him to rest with the wounds on his back, surely he would be fine to sleep on his front. Bobby made a mental note to ask the nurse about that while he returned to his mission, “Okay, May is with them. I told them what happened. They wanted to come to see you, but I told them they couldn’t until you were moved from the ICU.”
“Thank you, Bobby.” Buck’s voice was raspy, probably some smoke inhalation to go with the ear and the burns. Bobby would be sure to go get some ice chips in a minute for him to have at the ready.
“Anything, kid.” Bobby gave a genuine smile through the pain in his head.
Buck chuckled, “Anything?”
Bobby would do anything to make it up to Buck. Had to make up for the pain, the lies, and above all, the absence. All when Buck needed him most. Whatever it was, Bobby would get it done.
He wasn’t surprised to hear the retelling of the story of the five alarm fire at the orphanage and Buck’s unwillingness to leave a baby unaccounted for when the entire building hadn’t been swept. He was being Buck as always. What was shocking was Buck’s interest in possibly adopting the baby he saved. Buck said she was in the hospital being held for overnight observation due to smoke and a minor burn. He wouldn’t divulged exactly what made this baby different, but he could see it in Buck’s eyes. He was serious.
The next day was a whirlwind. When the doctor was in they were sure to get all of their questions answered. The doc was almost 100% sure Buck would never regain full hearing in his left ear, he was hopeful with proper care that he may get about 20% back. Thankfully, with the kind of swelling and damage to the canal, he was still eligible for a hearing aid that should return him to almost normal equilibrium.
The blip must have changed something in Buck because he wasn’t even fazed about the lifelong injury. Bobby had expected a similar emotional response like during the truck bombing, but there wasn’t even a tear shed. There would be no issue with him returning to his full duties at work… and even if they were, the kid already signed every wavier form under the sun. Buck kept the conversations steered towards the baby.
Lily Azalea Roosevelt, they discovered.
Approximately 7 months old, given up at birth by a teenage mother. That was basically all the information the custody lawyer could find on the girl. She was given up before the blip, but even so, information was jumbled and lost during the transition period. Even without more information, Buck was certain.
“I want to adopt her.” Buck stated firmly to the custody lawyer who was sitting across the hospital room from them.
“Kid, are you sure?” Bobby was sitting on Buck’s right to ensure he could hear him. He could see the determined look on Buck’s face from the moment the younger man brought up the topic, but he had to ask to be sure.
“I’m as sure about this as I’m sure I was meant to be a firefighter.” That was enough for Bobby to trust Buck knew what he was doing. The lawyer left to get the process started and then it was just Buck and Bobby.
Bobby was certain about something too. He was certain about it the moment he saw Buck in the hospital bed.
“I think you’ll need a bigger place to live.” Bobby prompted the conversation, but before Buck started to defend his position Bobby continued, “I think you should all move into mine and Athena’s house. It’s finished now and there’s plenty of empty rooms. I — I can’t be alone in there. I could — I can help you take care of the kids. I’m going to rehab as soon as you’re out of the hospital. I’ll never touch a drink again. I’ll do whatever it takes to prove it to you. I’m so, so sorry I haven’t been here.” Bobby was crying again and continued to spew reassurances that he was going to get help and that he was going to earn his place back in Buck’s life.
“Okay.” Was all Buck said and the feeling in Bobby’s chest subsided. A step that meant everything.
The light above Buck’s head flickered just once. A sign.
Thank you.