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Chapter Text

the dog is real???
blog post by EarlGreyAllie

Okay, so you remember when we all hated Superman because Lex Luthor was more of a psychopath than anyone realized? There was a video, taken by Luthor’s ex-girlfriend Eve Teschmacher, showing Superman break into Luthor’s office and angrily demand the location of “the dog”. Luthor, of course, denied everything. This video added more fuel to the bonfire of Superman hate and was mostly forgotten in the aftermath of Luthor’s arrest.

Even when the video was making its rounds, though, the dog was only a footnote. See, we all thought Superman was off his rocker, so nobody really cared what that whole argument was about, only that Superman was being aggressive for no reason towards the guy trying to stop him from taking over the world. Nobody knew or cared about “the dog”. And really, the whole incident just served to make Superman even worse than he already did, and bear in mind, nobody knew he even had a dog, and anyway, why would Lex Luthor kidnap Superman's dog? I, for one, wrote the whole thing off as fake footage because it was so odd.

However, in the background of the footage of the reunion between the people imprisoned in Luthor’s pocket dimension prison and their loved ones, there is a dog. This dog is white and scruffy-looking, with a little red cape attached to its collar, which I’d usually brush off as a cute Superman tribute. However, if you look closely, you can see the dog lift off the ground while playing with Luthor’s monkeys-on-typewriters.

This dog flew.

Given the contents of the video by Eve Teschmacher and this footage - which has been verified as genuine by several independent experts, the flying, and the cute cape, we can reasonably assume that this is Superman’s dog. His dog, who was kidnapped by Lex Luthor and has at some point escaped.

Now, that’s a nice little story, but I’m a curious soul by nature, and I have questions.

Such as where the hell did that dog come from? Why haven’t we seen him before? Is the dog Kryptonian, like Superman? If so, was the dog a result of convergent evolution? Did Luthor make the dog? There was an overheard conversation where Superman casually mentioned that Ultraman, Luthor’s enforcer/manservant, was a clone of Superman himself (which raises so many more questions). Was the dog a result of Luthor experimenting with Kryptonian DNA? Speaking of, what did Luthor, who has explicitly stated that he doesn’t view Superman as a person despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, do to the poor alien(?) dog while the dog was in his custody?

We have no idea. Unfortunately, as Superman rarely gives interviews (the only people to ever interview him are Daily Planet reporters Clark Kent and Lois Lane, and the odd reporter after a fight), we probably won’t get any answers soon.

So, what have we learned? Superman has a superdog and is willing to go toe-to-toe with Lex Luthor to protect the dog, even though he was (at the time) the most hated man on Earth and Luthor was considered a savior (to be fair, I’d do that for my dog too if I had one). Superman’s dog is adorable and I would love to pet him. I wish there was more information, but alas, everything else is pure speculation.

Signing off for now,
EarlGreyAllie

UPDATE: apparently “Krypto [the dog] is my cousin Kara’s dog, I was just looking after him for a bit” according to an answer to a kid’s question after the Metallo attack. I see now I was foolish to hope for actual answers because that comment just raises more questions. Superman has a cousin??? Named Kara??? (Is she single?) Why did the Kryptonians name their dog Krypto? Does this mean Krypto came from Krypton? Superman is not the only Kryptonian left? (I mean, he never explicitly says that, but there’s the whole ‘my planet is dead’ thing and we all just assumed that meant everyone else died). I’m so confused. help.

Chapter Text

superman answer my questions
blog post by EarlGreyAllie

Okay so this is a bit off-topic from what I usually post (see: ‘the dog is real???’ and ‘lex luthor’s pocket prison’), but I had to get this out.

Superheroes always, without fail, talk to reporters and give interviews. It’s not uncommon for a particular reporter or journalist to become the primary point of media contact for a superhero, but almost never are these people a superhero’s sole point of media contact. The Justice Gang, for example, (Green Lantern, Hawkwoman, Mr Terrific, and a new guy we don’t have a name for yet) give regular interviews on live television, both in studios and after battles. They work with the media, scheduling interviews, press conferences, and livestreams through their sponsor (Maxwell Lord). They even have a social media presence!

However, Superman, the most powerful, famous, and beloved superhero of all time, has had exactly two video interviews and a few miscellaneous written interviews in the Daily Planet. No social media at all (who does that these days???), no press conferences, no contact with any newspaper, reporting agency, or journalist other than this random guy Clark Kent (Daily Planet, specializes in community issues and Superman) and, more recently, The Pulitzer Prize winning Lois Lane (aka one of the most badass people ever, you’ve all read her work, and it seems she’s taken over the Superman beat from farmboy Kent (yes I cyberstalked him so what we know next to nothing about this man)).

That’s weird. For reference, this is the full transcript of Superman’s first video interview, from way back early in his career.

[video opens onto a wrecked street. there is a group of schoolchildren using a man in a blue jumpsuit and red cape as a jungle gym, undaunted by the previous supervillain attack.]

[“Holy shit, that’s him!” A reporter, looking a bit ruffled, stares at the man in the red cape. They glance back at the camera, and beckon them closer. Just as the reporter is about to reach Red Cape, the man sets the children down and takes flight.]

[“Superman!” the reporter yells.]

[The man in the red cape, Superman, stops about three stories up. He glances over his shoulder at the reporter. The footage is grainy, but you can make out his confused expression. He points at his face as if to say, ‘Who, me?’]

[The reporter calls out again. Superman, surprisingly, floats down to the ground and the reporter and the camera rush towards him.]

[“Is that what they’re calling me?” Superman says.]

[“Yeah, I have a few questions,” the reporter says quickly, taking advantage of Superman’s confusion. “What are your powers, where do you come from, what are your intentions as a hero –”]

[“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Superman says, raising his hands. “I don’t – I’ll answer those questions, but not any others.”]

[The reporter lets out a huff of frustration, but stays quiet. This is more than anyone else has gotten on the new hero, and they are not ruining it.]

[“I don’t know all my powers yet,” Superman begins, using a cop-out answer that raises questions about the full scope of his abilities - he’s already displayed at least ten abilities. “I come from the planet Krypton. My parents sent me here just before the planet exploded, when I was very young. And for the last question? I want to help people. I want to stop people from dying in attacks when I have the power to save them.”]

[Superman suddenly tilts his head as if listening to a distant sound. It’s reminiscent of a bird, or a canine animal. He gives the reporter an apologetic smile.]

[“Sorry, there’s an earthquake in Indonesia. I have to go,” he says, sounding very relieved to escape the interview.]

[“Wait!” the reporter yells, but it’s no use. Superman is already gone.]

That’s it. That’s barely three minutes long, and we found out almost nothing about him. Sure, the alien ‘last-of-his-kind’ thing was pretty big, but there’s not much substance behind that statement. Superman is an alien with a lot of powers who doesn’t want people to die when he can prevent it. That’s the whole interview summarized into a single sentence.

His next interview is arguably more frustrating, because it takes place after a joint battle with the Justice Gang, and Superman and Green Lantern are being interviewed together, and Superman is just letting Lantern answer all the questions, or is subtly redirecting them to Lantern. Green Lantern finds absolutely no problem with this. It’s a symbiotic relationship that works for them but is endlessly frustrating for us (me). That is, however, the some of the longest continuous, close-up footage of Superman that we have (and boy am I grateful for it - are all aliens that hot?), which is invaluable because the man is basically a cryptid otherwise. (Curse ye, shoddy phone cameras!)

Bear in mind that those are the only two interviews that we have video evidence of. Combined, they reach a total of thirty minutes, but most of that is Green Lantern talking (man loves the sound of his own voice). Superman barely says ten sentences total.

Now, even though we don’t have any more televised interviews, he has given extensive interviews to Clark Kent and Lois Lane. Does Superman have a thing for dark-haired reporters that work for the Daily Planet? I don’t know. Fact remains, only Lane and Kent have conducted actual interviews with Superman and used real quotes from the man in their articles. From what I can tell, Superman used to give semi-regular interviews to Kent but has switched entirely over to Lane either just before or after the whole Luthor thing.

(Kent has since faded back to his usual investigations of social issues, minor corruption, and shifty building companies, although he did write a really funny and really scathing article about Luthor: Supershit Debunked, and it’s about how Luthor’s ‘army of monkeys on typewriters’ was behind the majority (60%) of Superman hate bots and hate chatrooms. He goes on to detail how those monkeys stirred up most of the remaining haters. It’s a hilarious read, and Kent takes every opportunity to shit on Luthor. Honestly, fair.)

Lane’s interviews with Superman are an amazing development because she gives us never-before-seen insights into the mind of the Man of Steel. It’s fascinating, and it almost distracted me from noticing that we still know almost nothing about Superman as a person. As a hero with justifiable actions, sure, we know plenty, but as referenced in earlier posts (see again: the dog is real???), we don’t even know if the guy has any pets. Superman doesn’t seem very inclined to change this, even though there shouldn’t be that much to hide - he’s an alien and we all know what he looks like (despite a criminal lack of clear photographs), so if he had a secret identity, it would have been exposed a long time ago, meaning why is he so exceedingly private and media-shy?

There is one glaring exception to Superman’s avoidance of questions: small children.

After battles, Superman is known to check on the people caught up in the chaos, and his soft spot for children is well known. Superman lets them tug on his cape and climb all over him like a jungle gym. He talks to them, calms them, and helps them find their parents. He also answers their questions.

Conversations are two-way streets, and Superman not only asks the kids questions and listens to their rambles, but he answers honestly and directly when they ask him about anything.

For a man notorious for his lack of interviews and his mostly unsubtle deflections, this is HUGE. It drives me insane. Superman answers practically no questions from any reporter yet shares things like pet-sitting his cousin’s dog. Not even Lois Lane can elicit such a personal fact from him. And he just gave it to a kid. Because they asked. (no I’m not bitter. I just have so many questions)

I have to admit, though, it is nice that he does that despite my complaints. In summary, Superman avoids media contact like the plague (save for Lois Lane and Clark Kent) but is good with kids and willing to answer their questions directly. The children do not realize the privilege I would kill to have (just kidding, but I think several more aggressive reporters would not be) and ask Superman about his dog or his favourite dinosaur. Honestly? Fair enough.

Signing off for now,
EarlGreyAllie