Work Text:
Kris tried to keep their panic quiet as they were ripped awake. Their breathing was shallow, and sharp. Only a pair of gasps were deep, and made any real noise, but they had managed to silence themself before anything woke the two women in their bed. They only opened their eyes for long enough to see that, after that it was back to clenching their eyes shut, and not daring to open them. All they could do was say, “It’s not there. It’s not there. It’s not there,” on repeat.
There was nothing there, they just had to open their eyes to see it. When they opened their eyes, there wouldn’t be a red glow. The Soul wouldn’t be there. They knew that to be true. There was no way it could be. They just had to open their eyes, and with tears welling up, they did…
There was nothing there.
There was no red glow. No heart-like Soul coming to take them back. Their eyes darted to every corner of the room, searching for it. But there was nothing there but cold darkness.
It had to be a trick. When they blinked the Soul would appear. It would come out of hiding and try to take them back, they knew it!
But nothing came.
Kris dipped their head into their hands, still doing their best to keep their cries quiet. They managed to look over at Noelle and Susie again. They were still fast asleep. Susie stirred, but she was a heavy sleeper. They were hardly surprised she had slept through this.
It was getting harder to keep themself quiet. They considered their options. They could have woken Susie or Noelle up, and asked for comfort. Apologize that it was so late, but admit that they needed one of them right now. It wasn’t as if this hadn’t happened before. Noelle had been woken up once by Kris’ night terrors. She’d comforted them, made sure they were okay, and held them through the night. It was what they desperately needed. The other option was sitting inside their jacket, and wouldn’t wake either woman up.
Silently, they stepped out of bed, and left the bedroom. They were thankful they had ended up on the edge of the bed tonight. They’d been between Noelle and Susie before on a night like this, and doing everything they could to not wake either of them up was torture. They couldn’t bear to wake them up right now. They were already enough of a burden, they didn’t need another night adding to that feeling.
As Kris stepped closer to the front door, they grabbed their jacket off the hook as they opened the door. They tried to keep as quiet as they could, and as far as they could tell, they were doing just fine. Their closing of the door was just as quiet. Now, they were outside, wide open, dark, and with the sounds of cicadas chirping through the air.
The night was doing something for their pounding heart, the cool autumn air and trees lining their home was familiar. For just a second, they had an image in their head of their childhood home.
It felt easier to breathe now that they didn’t feel the need to be so silent about their hyperventilating. With a shaky hand, they dug into their jacket pocket, finding two items. It felt so difficult to hold them firmly. It was as if they could slip out of their hands despite their grip.
Kris looked down at the half-empty pack of cigarettes and the scratched up lighter. They took a deep breath as they flicked open the pack, and took a cigarette between their teeth. With a flick of the lighter and a deep breath, the disgusting taste of smoke was filling their mouth. With a shallower breath in, they felt hot and smoke inside of them and clinging to their throat. It was one of their least favorite feelings.
But, as they blew out the smoke, it was the second most comforting feeling they could experience.
They took another puff as they wiped a film of sweat from their forehead. Despite the cold in their room, they had managed to sweat from their panic. As they let out the smoke, they had to stifle down a cough. After, Kris let their arm hang limply as they held their face for a moment in their free hand. The desire to scream came over them, but they managed to stuff the feeling down, and it passed before long.
There was still an inkling inside of them that there would be something over their shoulder if they looked. They looked around their surroundings, and of course, found nothing out of the ordinary, only pavement leading into town, and the trees in the distance. The door was still closed behind them, and they even leaned against it as they slowly let themselves down to sit. The step they had been standing on was uncomfortable, the door even more so. Despite that, it was good enough, and felt as good as they deserved.
Despite themself, they peaked another look around them, taking another drag as they did, as if to tell the Soul, look what you’ll have to deal with now, if it was indeed watching.
Deep inside they knew it wasn’t, but every part of them refused to believe it.
Kris was letting out a billow of smoke when they heard the doorknob jiggling behind them. Their heart started again, and they jumped up. They got away from the door, nearly falling as they stepped back. Kris managed to keep themself from falling, and dropping their cigarette. By the time they had their footing again, the door was half open. They didn’t know what to expect. Had they woken Noelle up? Was the Soul looking for them!?
Susie let out a yawn as she stepped outside. She nearly froze as she looked at Kris.
“You good?” Susie sounded far more awake than she should have at this hour.
Kris stumbled over their words for a moment, before finally muttering, “Oh, yeah. Just, uh, needed a smoke.”
They took a drag for emphasis. Susie stared at them, her eyes narrowing.
“Uh huh. That’s why you look like you just ran a god damn marathon.” Susie looked down to the ground, before looking up at Kris, her face softening as she did, “What’s going on?”
“I’m fine-”
“Don’t bullshit me… Please.”
Kris never knew how to handle that tone from Susie. It was forceful, but so compassionate. It felt like she was bearing into their heart, but for the best of intentions. They wanted to be able to resist, to defend against this onslaught of caring, but they weren’t capable; and both of them knew it.
They let out a sigh, took a long drag from their cigarette, let out the smoke, and walked next to Susie and sat down on the step. Susie took that as a sign to sit down as well. Kris immediately leaned into her shoulder. Susie leaned her head onto Kris’ head.
Susie knew she’d have to break the silence, “Nightmares?”
“Yeah.”
“Soul?”
“Yep.”
“Ugh.”
“Ugh.”
Susie heard a sniffle, and then watched as a puff of smoke floated past her. She hated the smell, and that Kris smoked at all frankly, but given that she struggled with getting them to eat properly sometimes. The idea of getting Kris to quit smoking right now was a task she wasn’t equipped to handle. Noelle wanted to help, and she did the best she could, but they both understood how difficult this was.
“I’m glad I got to know you without that thing.”
Kris leaned into her more at that. It was nice to know that at least, even if it was a struggle to believe at times. They had a thousand things on their mind when it came to the Soul. They settled for one thing tonight, “I don’t even know if it’s me sometimes.”
“You know I can hear it in your voice. You sound like you, not… whatever the hell that thing was,“ Susie said.
Kris huffed, “What if it learned how to sound like me!?”
“It didn’t.”
“How do you know?” Kris turned to face Susie, breaking the contact with her. As soon as they did, they regretted it, and they wanted to be against her again. But now, it felt like it was wrong to go back, especially after snapping at her like that. Instead, they slouched forward, not wanting to look Susie in the eyes again. Their hair fell in front of their face. Though Susie couldn’t see it, they were starting to fight tears coming to their eyes.
Susie couldn’t help but think that they almost looked like they did when they’d both become friends. The thought immediately brightened her mood. She had no idea that that day would spark something so amazing in her life. She held out her hand in front of Kris.
“Gimme your hand,” Susie said.
Kris tilted their head, confused at the command. They managed to peak their eyes up to meet Susie’s. Her face looked softer than it already had. They could feel their heart melting at that. They took in a breath and flicked the cigarette away. As they laid their hand on Susie, they let out the breath. Somehow, they felt lighter than they did a few minutes ago.
Susie squeezed their hand lightly, and then looked at Kris, “Squeeze.”
“What-”
“Just squeeze, dumbass.”
Despite Susie’s wording, her voice was anything but blunt. It had such a tenderness to it. Somehow, she made the word, “dumbass” sound more like, “I love you,” than anything else.
Kris rolled their eyes, fighting a tiny smile that was pulling at their lips. They obeyed, squeezing Susie’s hand in the weirdest way they could think of, twisting their arm one way, and their hand the other. Susie couldn’t help but laugh at them.
“See, that’s how I know it’s you.”
Kris’ cheeks reddened at that, and they mumbled out, “W-what do you mean?”
“Just, you,” Susie smiled, “You’re so god damn weird, and no one else is your kind of god damn weird.”
Susie’s voice carried a joy from deep within her.
Now, Kris was struggling to keep their tears inside them. Their heart warmed as Susie’s voice carried through the night’s air. They had heard that word used on them so many times. So many people called them weird. So many people had such a disdain for it. Susie was the first one to use that word as something good. Something that made Kris who they were. Something about Kris that was to be loved.
Even if the rest of the world hated their weirdness, they had two people in their life that loved them, not in spite of their weirdness, but because of it.
Emotions were too much to hold in now. Their heart erupted and Kris didn’t fight the tears now. They crumbled into Susie, and she was ready to catch them. They leaned their head into Susie, simply letting themself feel. They were sure they were going to get tears on Susie’s chest, but it wouldn’t be the first time. Anymore, Susie was happy that Kris didn’t have to deal with life alone.
Susie wrapped her arms around Kris, and held them together. She loved holding them. Especially if it meant she got to smell Kris’ apple shampoo. Even all these years later, and she still adored that scent. She sniffed loudly, making sure Kris couldn’t avoid hearing it if they wanted to. She heard muffled laughter from against her chest.
Being held by Susie like this, with her being her authentic self? Kris was certain there was nothing better in the world than this.
“You’re so weird,” Kris smiled to break through the pain.
They sat like for a moment. Susie wanted to make sure Kris had enough time to collect themself, but eventually she spoke, “We should probably get inside, Noelle will worry if she wakes up without us.”
“She’ll probably think we’re plotting something.”
“Aren’t we always?”
Kris cackled at Susie.
They both stood and made their way back in the house. Kris put their jacket up, and then they returned to their bedroom. As they entered, they were greeted with cool darkness, and a lump on the mattress that started to move under the covers. Noelle had poked her head up, and blinked at Kris and Susie.
“You two okay?” Is it what she said, though Kris and Susie struggled to make sense of the words at first. Noelle could do many things, but talking while half asleep was not one of them.
Kris climbed into bed next to her, and Noelle instantly leaned into them. Susie climbed into bed behind Kris, and wrapped her arm around them from behind.
“Just a nightmare. I’m good now,” Kris muttered.
Noelle picked her head up again, then speaking clearly as if she hadn’t just been asleep thirty seconds ago, “Are you sure? We can talk if you want?”
“I’m okay, I promise.”
“We just talked outside,” Susie chimed in.
Noelle softened at that. She leaned back into Kris, wrapping an arm around them as well. She whispered, “You know you can wake me up, right?”
Kris smiled, and finally was able to let themself relax, “I know.”
Being held by both Susie and Noelle, surrounded by love, they were able to calm down completely. They finally felt relaxed. This was by far the most comfortable thing they could ever feel.