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Y/N jiggled and jigged into the kitchen. Today was going to be good for them, not good for the person they were targeting, but good for Y/N themselves. They hobbled over to the freezer, ripping away at a package of mozzarella sticks like a velociraptor that was craving human steaks. Y/N turns up the heat on the stove, Hell's Kitchen mode, and made some banger ass mozzarella sticks that could give anyone the most toe-curling, bone-shattering bust-a-nut orgasm that would change lives and solve world hunger or some shit. While chowin' down on some hella good snackage, Y/N used their Dateviators on their air fryer. Clearly, they owned an air fryer, one that will the the target of Y/N's shenaniganery.
Ethereal soul-spirit energy or whatever the hell busted itself out of Y/N's glasses, applying itself to the air fryer like that coat of sunscreen you need unless you get burnt Krispy, with a K. Out came a priest-looking guy, pale like Slenderman, almost skinny enough to be him; if only he were a few feet taller, y'know. His robes were elegant, book held within his hand in a manner of a worshiper. If only he didn't have such a dork ass haircut, maybe he would have been smothered with kisses rather than Y/N's bullshit.
The pious man, Friar Errol, looked at Y/N with disgust, the same disgust you get when seeing moldy cheese on the side of the road. He looks down at Y/N, wiping his thumb over their oil-smothered lips before Y/N shoved another handful of mozzarella sticks into their gutter-hole. Friar Errol only shook his head, Y/N having the most wide, stupid grin on their face as he did so.
"You have indulged in the sin of the oil. Do you wish to cleanse yourself, dear sinner? Or will you continue your ways?"
"I'll fuckin' uhh, continue banging ya mom. Yeah," Y/N responded, no serious tone within their words.
Friar Errol's eyes widened. What did that little bastard say to him? He narrowed his gaze, looking down at Y/N with fury in his eyes that went unmatched, like a Toyota truck hurdling towards you at 75 miles an hour. He tried to be nice about his words, though. After all, he was better than the sin that Y/N was indulging into as of now. He should act like the pious man of the Holy Kitchen Road that he was, and try to guide Y/N onto the righteous path that he was on, or at least just steer them into the right direction.
"Y/N, you should have a power to resist, to at least head my warning! The Oily Devil has you within his grasp. You must stop this at once!" Friar Errol spoke in a firm tone, trying to keep calm under all the pressure (and I'm not just talking about Pandemonium door 30).
"You know who else needs to stop this at once? My mom!" Y/N replied, that dumb smile still on their face. They looked stupid as all hell, with no thoughts outside of 'haha funny religious man mad'.
Meanwhile, Stefan and Miranda were just watching in silence, wondering if Y/N would stop. But as in the wise words of a band, 'don't stop, get it get it' was one of the few morals that Y/N followed. It was weird hearing the back and forth between Y/N and Friar, as Friar Errol would try his best to hold back his anger and impudent rage while Y/N kept pushing all his buttons, buttons like a Pop'n Music of tomfuckery. Eventually, Luke and Freddy joined in on the watching, enamored with how Y/N gracefully joked around.
"You musn't talk back to me with such insolence! The Oily Devil pinned you under his pitchfork, AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS JOKE ABOUT?! What say you, sinner; do you wish to beg for the pure forgiveness of convention?"
"Deet-deet-doodle-leet-deet-doo! Start diggin' in yo butt, twin..." Y/N teased, sticking their tongue out.
Friar Errol, paused in shock from that dastardly, wretched, freaky phrase that Y/N had the gall, the audacity, the balls in their mouth to spit out such a phrase.
"I didn't think Y/N would just... Say that, y'know-" Freddy muttered, before Miranda shushed him by snatching his lips in her hands. Impressive feat the small toaster completed, almost brave.
"Shhh, it's getting good!" Miranda whispered.
Friar grabbed Y/N by the shoulders, "What?" he asked, before violently shaking Y/N, "WHAT?!" Friar yelled, absolutely furious.
Y/N snickered, trying hard not to laugh too much from his reaction. "Y'know, start diggin' in ya butt- AY!"
Friar had slapped Y/N, causing a small moan to leave their lips. Friar had a look of undeniable horror on his face at that sudden noise that escaped Y/N's lips like a feral jaguar. What the helly? Nobody should moan after being slapped! It was so sinful, so dirty. He couldn't deny, however, that it got him just a little bricked up from Y/N's moan. Y/N then looked at Friar, a desire in their eyes, one that was lustrous in every way, one that was just nasty in each way possible. Y/N leaned in, whispering into Friar's ear.
"Harder, daddy.~" Y/N purred, causing Friar to leap back in a flustered and uncoordinated mess.
Luke's eyes widened. Stefan felt his jaw drop, similar to Miranda covering her mouth that was opened in shock from the sudden words. Freddy was holding back a chuckle. It was out of pocket, but kind of funny; something that the others agreed on that the absurdity of Y/N's words and Friar Errol's reaction. Eventually, Friar Errol shoved Y/N out of the kitchen.
"Leave now, you sinful mess! And don't return until you have repented!" Friar yelled, walking past the others that were holding back chuckles and giggles of all sorts.
"Cowabummer," Y/N muttered, wandering off into their bedroom.