Work Text:
Watching her innie’s highlights of the work day had become a nighttime routine for Helena. It had begun as research, and she had almost despised the way Helly had wanted to escape so much, even physically harming her in the process.
She couldn’t help knowing, however, that Helly R was just a raw version of herself, purified from her strict upbringing. Helena had suffered deeply in her youth, her innate fire hard to extinguish even for the toughest Eagan educators. She had eventually learned that compliance was the best solution to protect herself: years of punishments and thousands of repeated compunction statements had taken their toll on her brain.
She often felt like a wild animal, meant to find her strength and power in freedom, but forced to be trained and domesticated by humans. She had watched many movies and documentaries about this topic when she was little, before that form of entertainment had been taken away from her, labeled as “too distracting” and “childish”.
Technically, she wasn’t sneaking. She was basically the head of the company, and therefore more than entitled to look at security camera footage, especially when she could always disguise it as “research”. It had only started feeling like forbidden fruit the moment she realized Helly and Mark were… fraternizing.
Jealousy was the first raw reaction she felt. Not only because her innie was getting a taste of emotional freedom, away from the Eagan chains, but also because Helena completely shared her view: Mark S was indeed the kindest, funniest and caring person she had ever known so far, and she liked him. The way he made Helly feel, Helena felt it too. She quickly found herself anticipating Helly’s reactions to him as well, and wondered if her innie also felt the same butterflies in her stomach whenever he smirked at her from behind their desk divider.
She saw them share a first timid kiss in an empty hallway, then found herself giggling along with them as they snuck around the office and kitchenette or stole kisses as they were the last two refiners to leave at the end of the day.
She knew when they started having sex, too. She felt it physically, all of it , and the third time she woke up in the elevator completely disheveled, sticky and sweaty but somehow also deeply elated, a long forgotten feeling (if ever perceived at all) seemingly coming out of nowhere… That’s what did it. Helena was taken aback by how strong her innie’s feelings must have been.
She had been itching to do it all this time, but now she couldn’t hold back anymore, she had to look up Mark Scout. She wanted a shot at this too.
Former history professor…
Sister and brother in law as his only living relatives…
Widower. Trying to patch up his life after his wife died in a car crash.
How sad, Helena thought. However, his innie really did not let anything transcend from the outside world. Mark S was happy, determined, optimistic, caring.
So, if Helly is my real self, there must be a Mark S under his outie’s grieving veil as well.
She made the decision on a random Thursday, a few weeks after witnessing Helly and Mark’s relationship blossoming: Helena’s nights had been spent cutting and transferring her favorite clips onto a VHS tape, and now it was time to share it. It was the right thing to do. Mark had the right to know that severance had worked. He was happy again. She was merely taking pity on an employee whose innie was close to her innie. Whose hands had touched her body. It was just fair that she’d let him know, right? Her father and the board would only be kept in the dark to avoid focusing on side tasks she could take on alone. Still definitely part of her job. If they found out, they wouldn’t be mad at all.
Her hands were slightly shaking as she turned off the car engine in front of Mark’s house, which startled her a little– the feelings she had long buried under a cold façade were now resurfacing, her hot nature getting the best of her nerves. It also didn’t help that the last time she had allowed herself to feel like that, was when she had asked a boy on a date in middle school, only to be laughed at and called “ginger weirdo” in her face.
Helena came back to the present time the moment she felt a lump in her throat, knowing she had let her tempers take over too much.
It’s Mark Scout. He’s literally just an employee. You’re doing a magnanimous act to prove to him that his decision to get severed produced a positive result. That’s all. You’re his boss, the CEO in-waiting, there’s nothing to be nervous about.
She walked to his door with deep breaths, her hands coming together at her front, gripping the tape tightly, almost to shield herself with it. Her three little knocks were rapid and precise, a perfect rhythm separating them. A brief moment of panic overcame her, remembering she hadn’t checked herself in the rearview mirror before exiting her car, and her hand quickly came up to make sure her hair was in place.
Keep a perfect appearance, as a Lumon representative. Definitely not for him.
To her super-ego’s horror, she couldn’t help the wide grin that spread on her face the moment Mark opened the door, his eyebrows furrowing at the sight of her. He looked exactly like his innie ( fucking dumb thought, Helena ), only this time she could finally see him from Helly’s point of view, not a grainy security camera’s. The way his eyes travelled down her body and back up to her face, taking her all in, did not help her situation at all.
It took his puzzled “...Yes?” to make her brain unfreeze.
“Uhh, hello, Mr Scout?” Helena quickly tried her best to regain her composure, years of tortured temper-taming apparently feeling insignificant all of a sudden.
“That’s me” he murmured, his voice so low she could feel its vibrations deep in her chest, together with the sudden urge to squeeze her thighs together.
She bit her lip to keep any more feelings at bay. “I’m Helena Eagan, I work at Lumon. May I– May I come in for a moment?”
Mark hesitated for a second, a heavy mix of thoughts swirling in his head. The face was familiar, the name was familiar – of course –, but he had always associated it with some kind of stuck-up attitude, certainly not the fragile redhead with puppy dog eyes staring at him right now. And for some reason, he felt completely hypnotized.
“Uh, sure.” He opened the door wider, taking mental notes of the state of his home.
Looks clean enough. One beer bottle on the coffee table, pretty normal. Kitchen is clean. Bedsheets are—
Bedsheets???
He lightly shook his head to ground himself, coming to his senses just in time for his spacing out not to be awkward, taking Helena’s coat and showing her to the couch.
“I, uhh– got beer.” He nodded to his half empty bottle as she made herself comfortable. “Or water, if you prefer.”
Helena smiled, blushing lightly. “I’m alright, thanks. I won’t be long. I’ve already shown up here unannounced.” She managed to finally adopt a perfectly Lumon-approved tone.
Mark’s nerves tensed at the instinctual thought that, for some reason, he did not want her to leave so soon. “It’s no problem,” he said as he joined her on the opposite end of the couch. “I didn’t have plans for tonight, anyways.”
Helena found herself biting her lip again at his slight smirk, joining him in a silent staring contest that somehow ended with both of them letting out a brief, breathy laugh. Trying to regain her composure for the thousandth time in the last five minutes, she remembered the little weight in her hands. “So, I actually came for this.”
His gaze landed on her hands in her lap. “A VHS tape?”
She nodded, one hand coming up to move her hair behind her ear. “It’s— I—” Focus, Helena! “We work together. On the severed floor.”
Mark’s eyebrows shot up. “You’re severed?”
“Yeah. My innie and yours… I know that you have decided to undergo the severance procedure to mend your broken heart. After you lost your wife. Which I am very sorry about, by the way.”
“Thanks…” Mark still didn’t know where she was going with that, taken aback by every single word. She was severed? They knew each other down there? She knew about Gemma?
“So, as head of the company, I monitor my innie’s activity, as well as the whole severed floor’s. And… I wanted to know that your severed self has indeed healed, Mark. He fell in love.” Helena could feel her heart beating a thousand times per second.
Mark was speechless. “Really?”
She took a deep breath. “With… me. The severed me, that is.” She looked straight into his eyes then, absolutely clueless about what his reaction would be, only to find his stunned expression hadn’t faltered. “So, umm. I saved some security tapes of them – us – if you wanted to see. It technically goes against company policy–”
“It does, yeah” Was all Mark managed to say. Two full years had now passed since he’d decided to take on a severed job, and the number one rule, which was also the very principle of severance, was that he could not know anything about what went on at work. And now the company heir was in his house, willing to shatter it.
“I know, so you’re not obligated to watch them. And I technically didn’t tell anyone about this, so please, I just ask you to keep it between us. I just thought…” Suddenly, this decision seemed the stupidest thing she’d ever done. Well, she was in too deep now, so she took a deep breath before finishing. “I just thought it was nice to know, because I felt better knowing at least one part of me was having this experience. And maybe, you would have liked to know it, too.” She gave him a bittersweet smile, before shaking her head, regaining her composure. “But, of course, it is up to you, Mark. Just please tell me, because I’m already risking a lot by being here, and I can’t let this tape out of my hands. So, we can watch it together, or if you’d like to think about it first, I’ll let you know how to contact me in case you change your mind.”
Mark let out a deep sigh. A million thoughts were running through his head, his innie, finding love, Helena Eagan. Briefly, he wondered if the way he was feeling around her was a result of his subconscious. It must have been. She was a breathtaking sight, like a long lost lover, and he could not find a coherent thought to explain why.
“How long have we… they… been together?”
Helena gave him a tight lipped smile. “About a month. Flirting started way before that, though.” She let a traitorous giddy smile grace her features again.
Mark looked pleasantly surprised. “Wow. Have we… Wait. That’s how the scratch marks on my back…”
Realization dawned on both of them at the same time, cheeks blushing furiously.
“I guess.” Helena replied, “Sorry. At least that’s all you got as a hint.” She gulped, the boldness of her comment not lost on her.
“Oh, shit. Did I… Did I hurt you?” Mark instinctively reached out to touch her arm, which sent a spark of electricity through both their bodies.
“Oh, no, just… Sore.” Helena bit her lip, squeezing her eyes closed. “And, you know… I guess innies don’t really have protection down there.”
Mark went pale. “Fuck, Helena, what– Are you–?”
“NO!!” She raised her voice, horrified. “I’m on birth control. It’s just, you know… They must have done it more than once right before leaving work.” The implication of lingering physical sensations, specifically involving bodily fluids, was not lost on Mark.
“Shit, I’m sorry Helena.” He didn’t know what else to say. But now, especially after the striking emotions she was reviving in him, he was too curious. “Okay, then. Let’s watch it.”
They went through the whole hour of stitched tapes in complete silence, but a comfortable one, both transfixed on their innies, fascinated by watching what was essentially themselves, giddy and in love and seemingly so carefree. Despite having watched them multiple times before, Helena had never quite gotten used to it, and the feeling of finally showing it to Mark, like getting someone to watch your favorite movie, had basically completely reset her experience, too.
Her heart raced as the screen went blank and then to static snow, nervously waiting for his reaction. Mark ran a hand through his hair before finally speaking.
“Wow. Okay.”
“Yeah” She breathed out, wiping sweaty palms on her thighs.
“Helena, do you… Do you ever feel like they… Like the things we feel down there, kind of bleed through? Because I knew I was feeling better lately coming home, I just didn’t know what it was. And I’d beat myself up cause I didn’t think I deserved it.” He finally looked right into her eyes, both of them immediately locking, sending shivers down their bodies. “But tonight, when you showed up here… I don’t know, it’s like I knew you, and not just because you’re an Eagan and I’ve seen your face, but like–”
“Yes.” Helena interrupted him, nodding furiously. “I know what you mean. I felt it too. It’s scary, knowing that my subconscious knows things I cannot reach. But somehow, I can tell when my two selves kind of… Blend together. I’ve been feeling this all the time tonight with you. Like a buzzing. Something telling me I’m… close? Yeah, like close to feeling the same things as my innie. The same experiences, maybe.”
Mark let out a smile. “Yeah. Exactly.”
They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity, studying the familiar face in front of them, all the voices in their heads screaming that they were in the right place at the right time. As Helena opened her mouth to finally speak, however, her phone buzzed loudly on the coffee table, and Mark saw her expression completely shift and become cold and rigid. He didn’t catch the caller ID on the screen, but he figured it must have been someone important, from work. Like her father, maybe.
His shoulders dropped, releasing a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. He knew their moment, or whatever it was, had just come to an end.
“I’m sorry, I’ve got to go.” Helena announced, not without giving him another sad puppy dog eyes look, letting her walls down again just for a second, just for him.
“Uhh, sure. I understand.” He replied, leading her to the door, handing her her coat back. Another spark as their fingers brushed, made him bold – or desperate – or both. “Listen, uhh… Is the offer to keep in touch still available? Even if I already got to watch the tape?”
The look that Helena gave him at that could only be described as hopeful, a timid hint of joy behind her eyes. “Of course. Yes, of course.” She tortured her lower lip between her teeth for a second. “I can just give you my number. Is that okay?”
Mark let out a little breathy laugh. “Of course,” he echoed her.
After typing it in his phone, she reluctantly handed it back to him, not ready to leave yet. “Okay. Goodnight, Mark.” She said as she finally stepped outside, still facing him as he held the door open.
“Goodnight, Helena.” He smiled sweetly. “Uhh, and thank you. For… This.” He nodded to her coat pocket, the VHS tape now safely tucked inside it.
“No problem. I’ll see you again, yes?”
“Yes.”
She exhaled through her nose. “Okay.”
“Okay.” He grinned.
She finally turned, taking a first step back towards her car, when Mark’s brain completely gave up on rationality. Reaching out, he lightly grabbed her elbow, just enough to make her turn around and press his lips to hers, his other hand coming up to cradle her jaw.
Helena responded eagerly, grabbing at his sweater and then wrapping her arms around his neck, their kiss deepening as if they’d done it a thousand times before. Muscle memory indeed transcended severance.
They were both breathless as they pulled apart, goofy smiles matching on their faces.
“Sorry, I just had to— I really wanted something to hold on to before I see you again, I guess. To know this is really happening. Is that alright?”
Helena felt stupid for the tears welling up in her eyes, and she merely nodded, her toothy smile widening. “Yes, Mark.” She whispered, not trusting her voice.
“Okay.” He chuckled, smoothing a lock of red hair behind her ear. “Goodnight, Helena.” Part of him wanted her to stay, and also probably knew she would have been easy to convince as well, but he also knew they would have gone insane at the overwhelming sensations. He needed to process this, they both did.
“Goodnight, Mark.” She said again, this time effectively distancing herself from him. She couldn’t help turning to him one last time as she walked down his driveway. “I’ll see you soon?”
“Yeah. Definitely.”
She nodded, satisfied with her answer, and Mark stood vigil on his doorstep until she was out of sight. He briefly glanced over at Mrs Selvig’s house, hoping with all his heart that her nosy ass hadn’t witnessed any of that, but the coast seemed clear, all her windows were dark, curtains drawn.
As he went inside and locked the door, a thought occurred to him, pestering his brain until he gave in. He grabbed his phone and sent Helena a text.
Text me when you’re home.
Oh, god. Was that too much? He quickly added another:
Icy roads tonight. Just be careful.
This is Mark, by the way.
He groaned at himself, and decided to hop into the shower before bed; a cold one was much needed.
Once he got out, he found a reply.
Got home safe ;)
-your Helena
Mark’s heart beat so fast, it finally shook off two years of cobwebs and dust. He really couldn’t wait to see her again.